Social Media Etiquette Tips

Social Media has taken the world by storm and has not left Zimbabweans behind.  Most people are on most social media platforms and loving it.  However, from my personal observation there seems to be a lack of social media etiquette with most people and I will address some of the experiences I face every other day.

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Image from Pinterest

Links, Links and More Links!

I get it, you are trying to push your work through your social media platforms but have you ever stopped to think that maybe just maybe it’s a bit overboard?  Just yesterday I had to unfollow a few people on Twitter because I felt spammed.  I had observed it over time but yesterday was my breaking point.  How are nearly 20 of your Tweets all about links directing me to your work?  Are you an automated machine?  Is there no human being behind your account?  Whatever happened to maybe talking about the weather or engaging with your followers on whichever subject they might trending?  I know it’s your account and you can do as you please but if you want people to actually get interested in what you have to share then perhaps you need to consider actually talking to them instead of force feeding them with your work.  A simple retweet, a reply or a genuine compliment will go a long way.

Still on the subject of spamming; if there is one thing that really grates on my nerves it has to be broadcast messages on WhatsApp!  I believe if you have my number in your contacts it means we at least know each other on a “hi hi” basis.  With that in mind I also think that if you want to bombard me with your products, links and posters then by all means at least have some form of conversation with me.  I’m not saying send me a good morning message everyday; just a simple occasional hello message or even a comment on a status update to show that I’m not in your phone for decorational purposes will suffice.  I actually now have a few people that I automatically know are simply forwarding their links the moment their name pops up on my notifications.  Stop it!  Actually, I have asked some contacts to stop adding me to their broadcast list, I just think it’s rude and unnecessary especially if you don’t even have the decency to make conversation with me.

Interaction 

I have 6,744 followers on Twitter.  Before you get shocked by the number, I have been on Twitter since 2011 so my following has grown organically.  One thing I can tell you for free is that in order to grow your followers you need to interact with them.  It can be a retweet, sharing their work, event or simply liking their tweet.  I don’t follow back a lot of people BUT I will respond to almost every mention on my timeline because I believe everyone has something they can teach you no matter how big or small it might be.  Interacting with your followers makes you approachable and being approachable leaves you open to a world of opportunities.  Trust me, I know this, I live this.

Facebook Business Pages

Dear Facebook Business Pages who do not give adequate information, what are you doing?  When you send incomplete messages what’s supposed to happen?  You want me, your potential customer, the one you want money from, to pick up the phone to call or WhatsApp you or send you a private message???  What in the world is going on with you?  Let me give you a few examples:

  • I’m selling A, B, C please WhatsApp for price.
  • 2 bedroom flat to rent price negotiable (how do you not know how much you want to rent out your property for?) 
  • Friday Special, lamb chops and a salad (no price included on the image posted)

Then customers start responding asking how much, where do we find you, which methods of payment are available and guess what, no one replies and yet this is 2017 where everything moves at the speed of lightning.  How are you going to give your customers quality service if you can’t even respond to their questions?  The common excuse I hear is “We are not always on Facebook”.  Funny!  Why then do you have an account if you don’t want to manage it?

Thankfully there are some pages that actually do a fantastic job when it comes to being responsive and helpful and you check them out.  My top 2 favourites are Chop Chop Brazillian Steak House and TBagsZim please take notes, they are on the right path.

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Image from Pinterest

Update Your Information

This means your contact number, social media accounts and your websites.  It’s not a good look when a customer follows a link only to find that it’s broken or no longer exists.  It simply screams disorganised and you definitely don’t want customers to think that way about your business.

Please also take time to check for grammatical errors when you post your content.  You don’t want to come of as careless.  Our gadgets are loaded with applications that spell check, kindly use them.  I think I’m the pettiest customer you will ever come across and if your advert has grammatical errors I lose interest real quick.

That said, please bear in mind that people don’t have time and if you keep them waiting for too long they will move on to the next reliable source.  Options aplenty.

Do you have any social media etiquette tips to add on?  Sharing is caring.

©MaKupsy 2017

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This Is Why You Are Gaining Weight

Ask anyone trying to lose weight and they will tell you how easily you can gain weight if you stop paying attention to your healthy habits.  It took me an entire year to lose 10kgs but if I’m reckless it takes me just one week to gain 1kg back!  The universe has some mad jokes I tell you.  It has been 3 years on this journey and I now know what makes my body tick or not.  Today I will share habits that easily contribute to my weight gain, I’m sure you will read some of them and notice that they probably have the same effect on you.

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Image from Pinterest

1. Poor Sleep

I’m a runner and this form of exercise requires that I get as much rest as I can to perform at my best.  However, on days I don’t sleep properly I don’t have the energy to get up and do one of the few things I love the most.  No energy means no runs means zero progress on that day.  Which translates to me feeling guilty all day long and probably missing a meal which by the way is a bad thing because starving yourself means your body goes into starvation mode which leads to weight gain, my word, the cycle!

2. Clothes

Fashion keeps doing the most.  One time our jeans are all the way up to our boobs next thing they are low cut and at some point they had elastic bands around the waist.  I remember the elastic band phase, I had a pair or two of those.  Now that’s the worst pair you want to invest in if you are trying to lose weight.  The elastic just keeps stretching and you don’t even realise you have gained weight until you wear something else.  Stay away from elastic band jeans, they give you false sense of security!

3. Alcohol

I love me some white wine, on a good weekend I will go through a whole 1litre of white wine and not even feel bad about it.  I run so that I can drink and drink so that I can run; that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!!  I’m pretty good when it comes to watching what I eat and very consistent when it comes to exercise but I promise you, alcohol will be the death of me!  My six pack comes and goes and I know alcohol is the reason why it won’t let it thrive.  Alcohol contains a lot of calories so unfortunately for me, I drink my calories…Just so you know, it’s not just alcohol that contains calories, soft drinks and fruit juices are also an enemy of progress.

White wine has 83 calories in 100g glass

Coca-Cola has 210 calories in a 500ml bottle

Fruit juice has 54 calories in a 100g glass

My advice is drink water, it has zero calories.  If you can’t at least cut down because those clearly these drinks do more harm than good.

4. Stress

My stress comes from my Body Fat Scale.  I used to have a habit where I would weigh myself everyday.  That didn’t end very well and I since stopped the habit and I don’t encourage it either.  Now I weigh myself once a week, same place and same time.  According to researchers stress is connected to weight gain, because a high level of the stress hormone cortisol has been shown to up appetite, drive cravings for junk food, and make it oh so much easier to accumulate belly fat.

5. Pre-Menstrual Syndrome(PMS)

This is the worst time of the month for me.  I hate PMSng, it drives me up the wall with it’s cravings and mood swings.  I crave the strangest things.  Last month I had doughnuts, a whole litre of coke, chocolate, lots of greasy take out and biscuits.  Gosh!  All that bad food in a week.  I don’t know if it’s just me but my stomach has this small bulge of sort when I’m PMSng.  This is one of the worst times of the month for me because I know the moment I hop onto the scale I will be very disappointed!  I promise you the cravings leave me thinking I’m pregnant…but I know better.

*BONUS POINT*

You are all talk and no action.  I see you!

I believe you know what contributes to your weight gain.  You just have to pay extra attention to yourself.  At the same time weight gain is not entirely a bad thing, especially if it’s going to the right places.

My advice is make small deliberate changes in your life and the weight loss will happen.

Let’s talk, what’s adding the weight on your scale?

©MaKupsy 2017

Tytan The Ndebele Rapper

Tytan has stayed consistent in dropping melodies that evoke all sorts of emotions within you after his hit song Mukoko which incase you didn’t know reached 2 million views on YouTube last week!  2017 has certainly been a good year for him so far.  I got in touch with the ever smiling Ndebele Rapper and he shared his journey with me.

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Tytan

My musical highlights for 2017 include the The Bho music video, four other video releases, release of the Tytan EP and it’s great sales and my United Kingdom Tour.

Mukoko is my favourite music video because it’s the one that broke the mould and helped me step out of my cocoon and dare to try new things.

My music is available on all online stores especially the popular ones 😉, local distributors in Harare or on kynrecords.com

This year I traveled to the United Kingdom and South Africa. The United Kingdom was lit though, I pretty much was everywhere through back-roads and all sorts on my way to Estates, cities, towns…pretty much anywhere I was called out to do some work.

My favourite destination was a beautiful estate in Leicester where I’d gone to sing at a wedding, it was “goals”! I’d love to own such a property but I’d definitely make sure there’s a phone signal at least (there wasn’t any can you imagine the social media withdrawal symptoms!)

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Minus being a musician I’m also a Brand Consultant and Graphic Artist. Both are exciting because I love piecing stuff together to fruition.

Since the onset of my music career I’ve learnt to be very patient with everyone and the processes that entail progress and success as much as learning not to waste my time on things that don’t add any value. I’ve learnt to stay true to myself in my craft and take in as much as I can to enhance my knowledge of it. I’ve learnt that as much as I inspire people with my life experiences, to most my life is just entertainment be it good or bad. I’ve learnt that I still have a long way to go as far as my dreams are concerned.

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My fans should expect more exciting collaborations and visuals as I plan to continue to tour the world in the process.

Those who have always wondered what my music genre is can safely take note that it’s Pop Music (Afro Pop); I rap and sing.

 

©MaKupsy 2017

10 Quotes That Make Me Happy

Happiness really is a state of mind.  I know this first hand.  Most days I’m a bubble of positive energy and some days well, some days life takes over and I drown in negative energy.  Last week was hard for me, I was facing so many emotional battles that I was convinced I was never going to get out of it.  Thankfully it only lasted a while and I’m back to my happy self.  Below are some of my favourite quotes.

  1. Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.
  2. Some days you just have to bring your own sunshine.
  3. If you are tired learn to rest not quit!
  4. Today will be F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S.
  5. One of the simplest ways to stay happy is to let go of the things that make you sad.
  6. Stress is caused by giving a fu*k
  7. Chin up Queen, or the crown slips.
  8. Being happy never goes out of style.
  9. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
  10. Today be the badas* girl you were too lazy to be yesterday!

I love Pinterest, it’s one of my many reliable sources when it comes to getting back on the happy wagon.  You can follow me and check out my board, Positive Energy.

What keeps you going when you are facing trying times?

 

©MaKupsy 2017

My Favourite Instagram Pages

Instagram is one of my favourite places to hang out when I have time.  There are so many things happening there you can lose yourself in it for minutes on end.  You can start scrolling through your friends picture and next thing you are checking out some eye candy all the way in Italy on some photo shoot.  I now take Instagram in small doses though, it can make or break your day!  Below are some of my favourite Instagram pages and you should check them out too!

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Photo Credit: Michelle Chiyangwa

Hair! She is definitely your go to person for all things hair.  I’m not very knowledgeable in that department but her biography reads “frontals , 360’s, loose and body wave or straight hair extensions or wigs”.  I’m going to be honest and let you know that the only reason I follow her page is to check out her makeup, she does it very well and oh is she pretty or is she pretty!  However, if you want to hook yourself up with some luxury hair then make sure you follow her on @wegettinmcmoney

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Photo Credit: Sbahle Mpisane

Fitness!  Shes’s one of the reasons why I’m motivated to get up and do something.  Do you see her quads!!  Sbahle is the real deal.  Not only does she talk fitness but she looks the part too, a perfect combo.  Oh, did I mention she is also a NikeWoman?  You can not look fit without being fit!  If you have any intentions of actually going anywhere where fitness is concerned you have to start putting in the work!  There are no miracles in the game of fitness.  If you go through Sbahle’s Instagram page you will have every reason to ditch your bad eating habits!  Do yourself a huge favour and follow her on Instagram.  What I love the most about her is that she is thick and fit.  I’m so over trying to be stick thin to fit into society’s expectations, screw that!  Show her some love on @sbahle_mpisane

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Photo Credit: Nathan Cheddar

Photography!  That’s the most beautiful pregnancy shot I have ever seen and it’s straight out of Zimbabwe!  If you want to to capture your priceless moments or simply want to view some beautiful Instagram images then head on to @gorealrphotography

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Photo Credit: Sasha Tanaka

Travel!  She travels to Dubai, London, Australia, Tokyo, actually she travels all over the world!  If you want to see the hot spots in different countries then you won’t go wrong if you follow her.  Sometimes I scroll through her photographs and feel once I get home I should throw my entire life away because I’m not doing it right!  The cocktails, the views, the delicious food, the beaches, this girl is on a mission to live her best life and here I am blogging about it.  Her Instagram page is very colourful so make sure you don’t miss out on her travel diaries on @_sashas

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Photo Credit: Zim Weddings

Wedding Bells!  If your boyfriend can’t lift you like that is he even your boyfriend??  There’s everything to love about this Instagram page!  I remember when they followed me when they started out I thought to myself, really?  The way I have no intentions of having a wedding anytime soon I was sure they wanted to rub me the wrong way.  Well, they did the first few days, all those happily married people and there you are wondering if the universe is playing some type of joke on you.  If you want to get wedding venue ideas, makeup, shoes, bride and groom outfits, how couples are going all out to propose to the love of their lives, wedding videos…actually all things happiness, celebrations and couples in one place then look no further because @zimweddings has the hook up!!

How was your weekend?  What did you get up to?  Did you share your weekend memories on Instagram?  If yes, please drop your handle in the comments section so that we can follow each other.

©MaKupsy 2017

15 Priceless Gems I Learnt From The #30DayAfriblogger Challenge

I blogged my heart out in September, a whole 30 days of creating posts was worth every minute of my time…

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Image from Pinterest

  1. What stands between you and what you want is the story you tell yourself about why you can’t have it. I told myself I was going to blog the heck out of this September Challenge and I did exactly that!
  2. Collaboration is key. There were days when the challenge topics were tough and I had no idea how to tackle them. Thankfully we had the option to invite guest bloggers to write for us on a not so creative day.  I’m grateful for Chantelle, Vimbai and Josh for coming to the rescue.  Through their work my eyes were opened to issues that I had been ignorant about.
  3. Having a Content Calendar makes life easier. When the challenge started I looked through the topics and I was convinced it was going to be one crazy month because it looked like a lot of work.  Turns out it saved me a lot of time because I worked on difficult topics beforehand and sailed through the easy ones.
  4. I’ve spotted my weaknesses and strengths. Before this challenge I was an impromptu blogger.  Thanks to having to do research beforehand I have become more organised and I can create blog posts days in advance.  My number one strength now is that I know I can actually blog everyday if I put my mind to it.
  5. I got out of my comfort zone and learnt about new topics e.g feminism. I always see the topic getting people in heated arguments on social media platforms but now that I am more knowledgeable on the topic believe me I will be jumping in with my views.
  6. Use of different tools and elements to evoke emotion. Pinterest was good to me, word play even better!  These tools helped with keeping my readers engaged throughout the month and I’m happy to note that most readers could relate to different topics.
  7. Blog titles.  The catchier the better.  One of my personal favourites this month was When In Doubt, Eat Sadza.  This post caught the attention of my readers; most readers are currently out of the country so seeing sadza left them feeling nostalgic.
  8. Scheduling posts was the best thing that ever happened to me in September! It gave me time to read other blogs and not work on blogging only.
  9. Excuses don’t bring blog posts! I wrote through both good and bad days.  That’s the problem when you initiate something; you can’t afford to let yourself down so it ends up being both a blessing and a curse.  I seriously think that Sweet Lips should give me a case of wine because I went through a lot of wine this month to keep myself from drowing.
  10. Trust is built with consistency.  My objective as a Blogger is to get people engaged on my blog and the only way to do so is through consistent work.
  11. You may be a blogger but you are also a writer. Once you are something you have the responsibility of being  the best version of that!  What better way to challenge your skills through a 30 Day Blogging Challenge?
  12. September has been the best month of the year statistically with 5,379 views, 3,598 visitors, 524 likes, 137 comments and 31 blog posts!  If you want to get this blogging thing on lock then becoming a reliable source for content makes your blog more useful and therefore popular.
  13. Team work is the sh*t! We had a WhatsApp group running throughout the challenge and we discussed difficult topics in advance and it helped to give you an idea of which direction to choose for your posts.
  14. Bearded men aren’t so bad after all, wait, bearded men are the business! Apparently a man with a beard comes with much wisdom, awesomeness and note there’s D on the end of the word beard!   My friend (who happens to have a beard) would check on some of my posts and read some of my drafts and let me know they were lacking my character.  Make sure you have a person like that to cross check your work before sending it out into the world.
  15. I was going to stop blogging by the end of this year because I thought I was completely out of ideas on what to write about but this challenge just took my creative juices to the next level! I now know how I’m going to proceed blogging wise sit tight, it’s going to be an explosive journey from here on.

*Bonus Lesson: It’s good to invest in learning some technical skills!*

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Image from Pinterest

That said, let’s celebrate good times!!  Congratulations to every blogger who participated in this challenge. It was one energy filled month, we outdid ourselves African Bloggers!!!  This is the end of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge and I’m happy to have been a part of something so profound.  The first time I did a write everyday challenge was last year in September and you can read the posts from here.

I would love to hear from you, when was the last time you took up a writing challenge?  How did that go for you?  Did you face any challenges along the way and how did you handle them?

I’m going to be away for a while, taking a “break” from blogging but I will still be here reading through all your amazing posts.  Have a lovely weekend ahead and stay beautiful both inside and out.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Day 29: Are You The One Catching A Grenade?

Relationships are a sensitive subject and there is always something new that happens to f*ck things up!  Just when you think you and your partner are smooth sailing you start picking up a red flag or two and think this too shall come to pass?  Most times it does but some times it doesn’t and you end up stuck in a relationship that is slowly sucking the life out of you.  There are different signs for everyone but I would like to believe that the following usually spell bad news is on it’s way.  I know I always want to look at the sunny side of things but let’s be honest sometimes you might really be the only one catching a grenade in your relationship.

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Image from Google

  • Envy
  • Cruel behaviour or attitude
  • Negativity (general outlook)
  • Lack of interest in you or your life
  • Abuse of all types
  • Feeling that you are no longer happy within the relationship

Methinks toxic relationships can be summed up in Bruno Mar’s song, Grenade, have a listen…

You thought this was going to be a never ending post on relationships right?  It’s Friday and there is just one more day to go on the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge.  I’m going to keep it short and sweet.

Do you have any signs that you would like to add to the list?  I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 28: It’s All Fun & Games Until You Start Staying Together!

‘Kuchaya Mapoto translation Cohabiting”

Dating can be a really fun experience.  From the dates, the gifts,the getting to know each other phase.  Your partner seems perfect, too perfect sometimes you start thinking they might be too good to be true.  In my opinion it’s like that because you don’t get to spend ALL your time with them.  I think the one time you truly get to find out who you are dating is when you start living together.  I once tried out cohabiting and the first few months were bliss.  Nothing can compare to waking up next to the person who makes your heart go pitter-patter.  Lovely as it may seem, there are a few issues that come with living together, let me list a few of them.  This was my experience…

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Sleeping Patterns

I sleep really early.  On a good day I am lights out anytime before 9:30pm.  When I go to sleep I want complete darkness in the room and no background noise.  That wasn’t the same for my partner.  He loved watching TV in bed and he used to wake up at ungodly hours to watch NFL games.  You can imagine how annoyed I got because that meant I would be wide awake and most times I had work the next day and that just made me very cranky come morning.  He was happy he got to watch the game, I was pissed off because I didn’t have enough sleep.  Drama, drama!

Bad Habits

We all have our little bad habits that are magnified once we start spending all our time with someone. Things like:

  • not putting the toilet seat back down when you finish using the loo.
  • not flushing after you finishing doing whatever business you choose to partake in in the loo.
  • farting in the presence of your partner. I know this one becomes inevitable after staying together for a long time BUT personally, it’s a no no.
  • not picking up after yourself.
  • not making the bed, in my world if you are the last one to leave the bed it’s your job to sure you make it, sounds fair to me.

Household Chores

This can be a real train smash if one of you is lazy.  You might end up feeling taken for granted because all the household chores will be on your list of things to do.  From experience I have concluded that everyone has something that they don’t mind doing housework wise and something they absolutely can’t stand!  For example, I don’t mind doing laundry, it’s the ironing part I can’t deal with.  I used to do all the laundry and once it was dry I would fold it and pack it away and iron as I go.  My partner found it absolutely ridiculous.  He believed once laundry was done it had to be ironed there and then. For the sake of peace and progress we split that chore and made sure I washed and he ironed, everyone is happy.  However, the other chores around the house were a real mission because he was lazy and I ended up doing everything else and resented him as each day passed by.

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Finances

I like saving for a rainy day.  I am that one person who probably has some money stashed away somewhere for emergencies.  I don’t believe in spending all my money and then worrying about how I am going to get to my next pay cheque.  My partner on the other hand loved blowing his money.  We would sit down, draw up a budget and agreed that come end of the month we would do a,b,c,d.  You don’t know what frustration is until you get home and find out that your partner has bought a $50 shirt that wasn’t a part of the budget and now you have to forgo important things that month.  It’s at that point that you realise that people clearly have different priorities.  Don’t get me wrong, getting yourself new things is all fine and dandy but when you have talked about things beforehand it would be important to communicate such decisions for the sake of peace and progress.

Sex

This blog would be incomplete without mentioning  sex.  Trust me when I tell you, the sex will be amazing.  Well, it was for me.  Sex at any time of day, no need to send a message asking “Sweetiepie how long are you going to take to get here?” when you are feeling hot and bothered because you have your partner with you.  You can explore, experiment and get enough the orgasms because there is no rush to go anywhere.  BUT there is obviously a big but in this; when things are not going well between a couple especially due to some of the issues I have mentioned above sex might not even happen.  Couples that are usually unhappy end up not having sex and just become room mates who happen to share a bed.  Thankfully we didn’t experience this because maybe we were just sex addicts (if sex saved relationships we would probably still be together) but for some I have heard that you can go a pretty long time without sex when your partner is mad at you.

Depression

This is an actual thing!  When you stay with someone chances of feeling depressed are actually very high especially when things are not going well between the two of you.  I remember we used to have cases where after a verbal fight he would walk out of the house and not come back.  Sometimes he would go for a whole weekend and I would be worried sick to my stomach not knowing if him walking away meant we had broken up, if he was alive, if he still wanted to talk to me…I had a million questions going through my head and him not picking up my calls or replying my messages made me all the more miserable.  I ended up feeling depressed and even after he came back and we talked things through in my heart I was never settled because I kept thinking one day he is going to walk away and never come back.  I had no hold on him, after all we were cohabiting and not legally married…

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To be honest, if you are thinking of cohabiting I say give it a try knowing that it might actually work out for you and if marriage is the end goal for both of you it might happen.  They say compromise is key right?  If you find that special someone you can gladly compromise then by all means don’t let my experience stop you.

Personally I won’t try it again, I have crossed out my bucket list in that department.  It was beautiful while it lasted but I love my space too much to have anyone else all up in it.  All that freedom to just be myself and do absolutely nothing all day in peace is priceless.  Then again I can’t exactly be alone for the rest of my life it would be nice to have someone to share all my highs and lows.  What would probably work would be staying in different apartments in the same building but we are still a couple(such wishful thinking!)or just getting married and buying a big house where you can always retreat to a different room when you are feeling upset and reconcile when you have cooled down…

My favourite ladies discussed the cohabiting topic sometime this year on the talk show, The Real and you should watch it and hear out their thoughts on the subject matter. 

After all is said and done, what matters the most is how you feel about each other and how far you are willing to go to make your relationship work.  Do what works for you and for the betterment of your living arrangement because at the end of the day what’s important is your happiness.  When you decide to stay with your partner get in it with open eyes and an open heart.

Today is Day 28 of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge we are supposed to state ONLY the advantages or disadvantages of cohabiting but did you see just how overzealous I got??!!

Have you been in a cohabiting scenario before.  How did it work for you?  Are you still together with your cohabiting partner?  Are there any tips you would want to share on how to make living together more manageable?  Are you pro or anti cohabiting?

©MaKupsy 2016

Day 27: The Joys of Singledom

After asking a few people they told me they have never been single in their life, like ever.  They have jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just be on their own.  I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention.  The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post.  So what is being single?  Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

I’m a mother and dating can be one heck of a tricky scenario because it’s no longer about what I want anymore.  I make decisions on who I will date depending on whether they will be good for my daughter or not.  I’m still working on that formula but trust me my intuition is never wrong when it comes to deciding on who to and who not to introduce to her.  Whoever I choose to be with has to be someone I can count on and be supportive especially emotionally supportive when I’m going through the most.  A bonus is someone who can develop a relationship with my daughter naturally.  When I feel confident that this is someone who will be around for a long time then I can gladly introduce them to her.  That said…

happy

photo credit from my Twitter tweind @monakadurira

I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single.  But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism.  That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.

So; about that single life.  You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked.  (doing who you please is also very much an option)  You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance.  For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single.  The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how.  That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some.  You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) Whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with!

The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active.  You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body.  Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating??  That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!

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Image from Google

Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship.  You learn the art of dating yourself.  You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.

Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:

Blog Reader 1
  • You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
  • Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
  • I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
  • Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past.  Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
  • You get to spend all your money alone.
  • You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
  • You don’t have curfews.
  • You have more money to spend on beer.

(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)

Blog Reader 3
  • You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
  • Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
  • I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
  • I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.

So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way.  If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…

You can also check out some dating blog posts from the following:

Dating While Parenting  by The Quarter Wife

Let’s talk about your dating journey, are you single or ready to mingle?

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 26: Being An Illegitimate Child

Today’s topic is “Children born out of wedlock” and I have the pleasure of having @_6_Legend as my Guest Blogger.  He shared his story with me and I hope as many people can get to read this and realise that; after all is said and done children whether born in or out of wedlock have the same rights and feel the same way as any other child.

We live in a society that can sometimes be harsh and harmful on the very people that make it up. A lot of people suffer due to societal standards that affect them regardless of the fact that they cannot change their position nor is it of their own making. Children born out of wedlock are some of the people affected by these societal standards and I want to talk about some of the things that they (read we) face due to their “status”.

Society is an integral part of who we are. From the people we call family or relatives, depending on the nature of the relationship, to the 3 year old girl who lives down our road, all are integral to our being. Human beings are designed to associate with and interact with the people around them. This interaction takes many different forms and has different levels of impact. They all, however, have an impact and no matter how small this impact is, it contributes to who we are as a whole. The nature of these interactions, positive or negative, also will contribute towards shaping who we become as people. As a child born out of wedlock, I had a lot of interactions which I know, now, contributed to the person I am today. I say now because when these things happened I had no idea what they meant and I sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing to me psychologically.

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Image from Pinterest

My mother and biological father were never together. She married another man and I only discovered he wasn’t my actual father when I was an adult. When I did discover it though, it made sense. He treated me differently. His family treated me different. Whenever we visited the rural areas, I could feel that I was an outcast. I think I knew right from the start that I wasn’t a part of that family but I didn’t know the alternatives and that’s why I just didn’t have that truth fall naturally to me. I told myself that my “father’s” family didn’t like me because of my mischief. I wish they had just told me I wasn’t one of them.

Then I learnt the truth…

I met my biological father when I was 20. I had mixed feelings but eventually I thought I should make an effort to form a relationship with him. I shouldn’t have. On our first encounter, he spoke about how he only lost touch because my mother got married and my step dad didn’t want him talking to her. He went on to tell me that his whole family knows about me and he would take me to meet them. No one knew about me. Five years later and I have met none of my sperm donor’s family (that’s all he is really). The moment I realized it was never going to happen, I stopped trying and I became happier. I am a fatherless person and I have embraced it. When I left my step father’s, I remember one of his sisters saying “ndakambokuudzai kuti vana vemusango vanonetsa”. Loosely translated, “I told you these fatherless children are a problem”.

The term “vana vemusango” (bastard children) has been used to describe children born out of wedlock for a long time. The term came as a description of men who wander out of their matrimonial homes and go “kusango” where they bear children. I feel that the term carries heavy negative connotations, the brunt of which is bore by the children. It is a term that shames children for being born out of wedlock as if it was their choice. It is a term designed to discriminate and sideline these children. As a society, we forget that we are all equal. Once we begin to label other people as illegitimate, we have taken a whole lot from those people. Their dignity. Their pride. Their association. Their being. We strip it all. And yet it is not this person’s fault that they came into this world in that way.

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Image from Google

I don’t even know what I wanted the point of this to be. I just had things to say and I hope I have at least articulated myself well. We all came from somewhere. Hakuna mwana wemusago…

©MaKupsy 2017