I Am NOT Broody

Miss Kupsy has been on my case for a baby sister since last year in January.  I blame her friends.  No actually, I blame the mothers.  They are busy manufacturing little people and putting my little girl under unnecessary pressure.  She now feels lonely because her friends have playmates and she is all alone.

 

I have a million reasons why I don’t want to have another baby yet though and some of the reasons may sound petty but are a really big deal for me.  For one, I don’t have a car and trust me moving about with a child with public transport is a real nightmare and I would not want to go through that with two children!  Until I buy myself a car having another baby is out of the question.  I once wrote about not wanting to have another baby but I guess time does change your mind right; you can read more of my reasons from here.

However; I never thought about procreating until recently when I realised I am all she has.  If I was to drop dead today who would be there for her.  Yes, my family is there but what about a sibling she can call on when life happens?  I am not getting any younger and it would be ideal to have her and her sibling with a reasonable age gap so that at least that would keep them close.  (I can only hope)  

After typing this out I realised that maybe just maybe I don’t want to have another baby after all.  I relived my labour experience and it’s a done deal. It’s not happening.  I really am not broody for real and I was just enjoying the idea of Miss Kupsy having a playmate but I am not willing to do it, no thank you.  Somehow I thought if I wrote it down I would convince myself to try for another one but it didn’t work. She will be fine, I am going to make a lot of money and make sure she has a fulfilling life she will never want for a sibling.  Labour is not a fun place to be!  What was I even smoking??

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

How To Deal With Burnout

I have a workmate who is a Jehovah’s Witness and each month he gives me a copy of their Awake! magazine.  This month the topic on the cover caught my attention and I will share some of the things I found quite informative from the article.  These are not my words it’s just a matter of copy paste of some parts  of the article but I’m sure you will find it insightful.  

Burnout is characterised by chronic exhaustion and strong feelings of frustration and powerlessness.  Those suffering from burnout tend to withdrawal emotionally from their work, lose motivation, and become less productive.  Studies also link burnout to numerous emotional and physical health problems.

What causes burnout? Work overload is often a factor.  Because of economic pressures, some employers demand that employees work longer hours, at times for less money.  Technology now keeps some in constant contact with their job, blurring lines between work and private life.  For some, job insecurity, lack of control over their work, or feelings of being treated unfairly contribute to burnout.  so does dealing with unclear priorities or conflicts with coworkers.

Consider the following four steps for dealing with burnout:

  1. Evaluate your priorities – What is most important to you?  These are the things that are likely to suffer if you are burned out.  Beware of pressure to adopt the priorities of others around you as your own.
  2. Simplify your life – A simpler lifestyle can bring greater freedom and satisfaction.  To prepare for such a change, reduce expenses and save money.
  3. Learn to say no to work – If you face an unrealistic workload or some other persistent problem in your workplace, discuss your situation with your employer.
  4. Renew yourself – Make time for sufficient rest and balanced recreation.  Remember that recreation does not have to be expensive to be refreshing to you and your family.  Cultivate interests and friendships apart from your work, and avoid defining yourself by the type and amount of work that you do.

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Have you suffered from burnout before?  What did you do about it?  Do you have any tips to share on your experience?

©MaKupsy 2017

The Dating Game

 

Early morning phone call…

Him: Hello, how are you this lovely morning?

Her: I’m great honey how are you you today?

Him: I’m good babes. I was thinking, how about I pick you up around 10am and we do breakfast and catch up?  It has been a really long week and we haven’t spent time together.  We can decide what to do with the rest of the day after breakfast; make sure you wear that dress I like.

Her: That would be a lovely way to start the weekend.  Let me get some more shut eye so that I have enough energy for the rest of the day.  I’m excited already; I hope we are trying out that new place we saw the last time?

Him: Yes we are and make sure you don’t take forever to get ready I know you babes.

Her: I promise I will be early even though we both know that’ impossible.  Will see you soon honey.  Kisses

Him: Bye babes see you soon.

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Shingi & Tonde

Do these things still happen?  If yes, please show me the direction so that I can go as well!  I remember conversations like these when I was in my early 20’s.  I LOVED it, it was more real, more sentimental.  I blame the very first boyfriend I had.  That guy was probably from another planet because he really went all out.  There is no experience he did not take me through.  There was never a dull moment the time we dated, surprises were his middle name.  You know how women just love those.  When I look back I realise that he took his time to know what my interests were and coupled them with his so that we were both happy in the end.  Picnics, dinners, breakfasts, flowers, birthday trips, my first flying experience, road trips, learning how to drive…the list is endless and really making me nostalgic right about now.  If I am honest with myself after dating him the experiences with the people I dated just went downhill from there and everything became so obvious, he killed the magic guys, he killed it!  LOL

When my friends and I have our random chats about men we are always entertained!  We have concluded that there are two types of guys; the ones that will take you kunogocha (going for a braai) and buy you a lot of alcohol and hope you get drunk.  To think all that money could have been used for a more intimate sit in date.

Then the other ones who will take you out for a proper date, make arrangements that actually involve things you also enjoy doing then pick you up and sometimes even buy you a dress for the date!  Yes, those guys are out there and they do exist; you just don’t find them in the yellow pages.  I am not saying “kunogocha” can’t be termed as a date but surely when you are still trying to get to know someone the options are plenty and that one should be the last one on your list.  Are you trying to impress someone or trying to never see them again?

I remember reading somewhere that when a man is into you; you will know it through his actions.  Can we safely conclude that those who don’t make an effort are really not into a woman?

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Another beautiful date idea; go for a photo shoot. 🙂

If you are trying to get attention from a woman by all means let your creative juices flow!  The early days can make or break your dating chances.  You want to be remembered as that guy who did the one thing that no other guy had done for her.  Let the other random no so exciting dates come after you have won her over.  At least you would have shown her that you are capable of keeping things exciting.  Being spontaneous really goes a long way.  I know you are reading this and thinking a relationship involves two people why is the man being the one to do all the work here?  Well, the answer is simple; the man is the hunter, us women are just out here waiting to be hunted.

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Shingi & Tonde

Thank you to Shingi and Tonde for the beautiful pictures.  They are my favourite Twitter couple and when I have free time I stalk them and just smile.  Love is a beautiful thing to watch and they do it so well.  I wish them nothing but love and happiness.

Let’s talk.  What are your thoughts on dating?  What have been your best and worst experiences so far?  Is your man calling you to make a date or it’s whatever happens that day happens.  Guys, how are you spicing up your dating game?

I hope your weekend was great!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

I Made My Woman Smile Today

I noticed that maybe just maybe I am being a little too hard on the men out there.  So this post is for the men and the positive things they do for the women in their lives.  It’s not really about going above and beyond but the simple things that make her smile.   As always the participants remain anonymous, only their ages will be disclosed.  Here is a list of the things they did today just to put that beautiful smile on their partners face.

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  • I gave her a surprise visit at her workplace with a bunch or roses. 23
  • I bought her jewelry. 22
  • I bought her a new phone Samsung Galaxy 4 just because she was being a good wife and mother to my children. 32 
  • I sent a voice note reciting a poem and she loved it. 22
  • I kissed my wife goodbye on the cheek before I left the house. 30
  • I sent a message saying “I love you”.  Believe me for most married people those are rare words. 41
  • I complimented her on her new hairstyle. 28
  • I took her to Nandos for lunch. 34
  • This morning I told her she is the most beautiful wife a man could ever have. 41
  • I finally put a photo of both of us on my Twitter Avi. 25
  • I gave her a necklace with her name on it. 26
  • I called her, all the way from South Africa to Harare for a good 10 minutes. 34
  • I remembered our first year anniversary and sent a gift to her office. 27

You see, sometimes all a woman needs is a random act to show her that she still has your heart.  I hope the other guys out there get to read this and will hopefully do something to brighten up their partner’s day.

Let me know what you decide to do for your leading lady today 🙂

MaKupsy

A Man’s View On The Single Mother

In a thousand words, I will touch a potentially sensitive subject in modern day Zimbabwe. This subject is about, single mothers whom we as Zimbabwean society have called M1’s or M2’s. The 1 or 2 suffix being the number of children they have. M1 is basically mother of one, but in Zimbabwe it generally points only to single mothers. However, a married mother of one is not referred to by that label.

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Image from Google

Once again our plastic republic has put these women in a category, so that they can treat them differently or judge them. Automatically if I were to have a relationship with an “M1’, my friends  and family would discourage me from so doing and speak so much evils about the group. Family may dis-own me. Yes, we have seen this happen. The question is; are they really less worthy than single girls with no children? Do childless girls necessarily make better wives than single mothers? I ask because a lot of girls in modern Zimbabwe are already indulging in sex outside marriage, they just haven’t got pregnant yet. They might escape it before marriage too but many are also doing it. So, society is going to condemn the ones that made a mistake one-day and got pregnant?

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Image from Google

In modern Zimbabwe, a girl not having a child is not consistent with her being decent and Holy. Having a child does not make her evil either.  Have you ever thought that  an “M1” you condemn so much has done less damage than the “K1”. What do I mean by “K1”? “K1”- is a term I am using to say “Killer Of One”. While society and families are dumping garbage talk on the strong queens that decided to keep their babies, despite their fathers bailing out, there are those that seem not to have children because they did abortions. So Mr. I Judge M1’s before you go around judging single mothers and feeling special about your girlfriend not having a child. I want to tell you that in modern Zimbabwe, there is a possibility of your girl having had an abortion at one time especially if you found her already sexually active. (I am not saying she had one either, but it’s possible)

So here’s scenario 1; Janet is having a sexual relationship with Jack, they conceive a baby. Jack doesn’t want in, he tells her to abort. She aborts the child, so by the time I meet Janet; she’s not an M1 to me. I have no idea what happened. Deep inside only she knows what happened. She doesn’t hope to do it again, but she could do it again.

Scenario 2: Alice is dating Jack, they conceive a baby. Jack doesn’t want in, he tells her to abort. She refuses to abort and Jack says he wants nothing to do with the baby or her. He says uncalculated cruel statements like, “Kana ariwangu murutse undipe,” (If the child is mine, vomit him/her and give me). She is hurt but keeps her baby. I meet that girl and think she has an amazing personality (you must have an amazing personality to keep your child in a judgmental society).

However society will not agree that she is amazing because she has a baby. Society will try and make me see Janet and say, “Why don’t you choose Janet instead? Do you not see that Alice is an M1?” The decision making is made harder for me now, because society is armed with daggers. There’s also a father out there whose child I have to carry the cross for. Let me say, to all those man, that have taken this load upon then, may there be increase in your daily work. To the men that refuse to sustain their own seed and further pressure our queens, if the law does not catch up with you, may you lose out on all the money you refuse to pay for the welfare of your child.

“Did you just curse them Michael?”  Oh so someone is going to see the evil in my curse to them, but they do not see the evil in society making girls that kept their children feel unworthy?

I applaud all the women that are the mothers and fathers of their children but hang on, work hard and have changed their perspective of life. Except for a few single mothers, those are some of the most hardworking women I’ve known. The family throws piles or verbal rot onto them daily behind closed doors. They silently cry and wake up knowing no one else seems to love their children and only they can go out there to get bread for the children. They have drama with the father over taking care of his own child in some instances; they still take that torture, get up and work hard.

This plastic society pressures girls that are already pregnant, to opt for “K1”. She is going to pay an unethical doctor large sums of money with the aid of the father, who is not ashamed to perform this act. They destroy that child’s life. Now all the activists that support abortion, hide behind the “what if she was raped” excuse, yet the average abortion happening in Zimbabwe is a product of sex given by consent. No matter how many daggers society will stab you with for having that child out of wedlock don’t be pressured to take your child’s life. Life is at conception. The only proven way to escape the trouble is abstinence before marriage, which most of you ridicule. It holds no regrets though in this type of society.

If there is a single mother in your immediate community whom you have been holding judgmental daggers to, may that attitude change from henceforth. In fact go an extra mile in appreciating her to compensate for the life sentence she has been given by society and her own relatives. If you’re a man and you think she’s a good woman, regardless her past, marry her.

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Image from Google

Let’s have this conversation on Twitter, follow me @Mcpotar

You can also check out my website www.mcpotar.com

 

©MaKupsy 2017

Throw Back Thursday : #TeamFitness

They say there is strength in numbers, and thanks to this group we have on Whatsapp that saying has only proven to stay true. We share all sorts of health and exercise information and encourage each other along the way. I am NOT a Whatsapp Group fan but this one is just what I needed. The ladies here all have lives to live so there is no bombarding of endless meaningless messages on the group. .There is 7 ladies in this group, all with different strategies but all with one agenda “To keep fit.” Hence the group name #TeamFitness.  Below is a bio for every member of the group.

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Name – Felly

Age – 23

Height – 5 foot 7 inches/173cm

Weight: starting weight 95kgs/211lbs/15 stone, 1lb

Goal weight: 68kgs/150lbs/10 stone, 10lbs

Current weight: – restarting my journey so if you ask me this information at the end of the month, I’ll have something more accurate.

My exercise regime is 85% cardio and 15% strength training. I run a 5K on the treadmill in approx 35 minutes, row for 10 minutes and do the cross trainer/elliptical for 20-30 minutes depending on how tired I am. I just started attending a spin class that’s 45 minutes long but trying only for x3 times in a week!

My strength routine is fairly new but is very light lifting and weighted squats. I’m hoping to improve this once I’ve lost 5kgs as I’ll be lighter and my endurance better. I’m aiming to train for 4-5 times in a week with rest days on Saturday and Tuesday. I’ll walk 5 miles/8km around my neighbourhood on days I do not attend the gym..

My diet is going to be strictly vegan for one week then clean after that. I intend to treat myself x1 per month and on that day, anything and everything in my path will be eaten lol! I’m going cold turkey on all soda and fizzy and all I’ll be drinking is water, tea, 100% fruit juice and squash. My goal is to lose 5kgs/14lbs/1 stone every month.

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Name – Zvie

Age – 29

Height – 162cm

Current Weight – 80kgs

Goal Weight – 75kgs

My workout regime is mostly composed of jogging.  I jog mornings and evenings. I jog for 20 minutes in the mornings where I run 2.5km in 20 minutes.  I recently added running up and down a hill for close to 10 minutes so that totals my time to 30 minutes once im done with the jog.  In the evenings I run 5km for about 40 minutes.

On days I do not jog I do 1 hour of Aerobics, or 30 minutes of Zumba or 45 minutes of Yoga.

I have a cheat day where I eat foods I will be craving but in moderation, then I have rest day(originally meant to be a day I chill out on the exercising front), but ends up as a day which I hardly ever utilise because most times I will be catching up on laundry and house chores. Whoever said you only rest when you are dead knew what they were talking about!

My eating habits are currently working out just fine, I now think before I eat because jogging is a constant reminder of how hard it is to burn the food I eat.  I drink water effortlessly, I go through 3 litres on a good day.  Every other week I am challenging myself to do something different, like try an all fruit day, or cut out carbs in the evenings, eat more fruits and vegetables and so far it is going great. My goal weight is to be 75kgs come April 2015, it is my birthday month so I plan to celebrate it in style.

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Name – Tendy

Age – 30

Weight  – 79kgs

Height – 165cm

Goal weight -70 kgs by January 22, 2015

Diet: Daniels fast Mon – Friday

Morning Jog 1.5kms – gym for an hour in the evening. Drinking a litre per day of water.

Jog 10km on Sundays and exercise for two hours in the gym.

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Name – Yami

Age – 27

Height – Not sure! 162cm maybe?

Weight – 57kgs

Goal weight –  Maintain current. I’m all about trying to tone up and

define muscles (lower body)

Exercise regime. My ideal exercise plan includes running, yoga, indoor cardio, dance and kickboxing. Lately I’ve been slacking but I’m incorporating yoga into everyday and kickboxing three times a week. I like anything I can do to music. I am still psyching myself to getting back into running.

My goal is to keep healthy. A common misconception about people who aren’t overweight is that we don’t have to exercise. I do it to keep my heart strong, legs fit and stomach flat. My stomach has never been a problem but I want to keep it that way.

My diet is low in carbs, high in protein. I love vegetables to – I could literally eat salad every day. I don’t like water but I drink a lot of juice and when I have to drink water, I try to flavour it. Typical breakfast is either cornflakes with fruit or an omelette. Lunch and supper vary but there’s always a vegetable in there, whether it’s on rye bread, in salad or with some form of meat. I snack on fruit, popcorn, yoghurt. I like cheese too.

I am lucky that I don’t gain weight too easily so I cheat a lot with candy but I limit myself pretty well. Two or three candy bars a month and a packet of fruit chews. Sparkling flavoured water is a weakness.

When I’m not exercising, I’m a life coach and soft skills training facilitator. I work with a youth group called Soul’d Out too. Love to read, sing, cook, laugh… And my personal motto is “More Heart”, we all need to put more energy and passion into life. That means greater commitment, focus, excellence and more love.

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Name – Kay

Age – 25

Height – 158cm

Current Weight – 86kgs

Goal Weight – 70kgs

Jogging and gym  – Currently 1.5kms each morning, adding it to make 3kms, then gym for 1.30 mins, squats, treadmill 3 kms, sit ups, weights.

Sunday to Friday routine- Sabbath I rest. Totally! Sunday I try and jog twice as much, 5kms that is, esp when the weather is tempting

I need to be really honest with myself in terms of what I eat, I start the day so well. Cereal, fruit, a sandwich for lunch but supper I get home and i have a heavy meal, I do portion control though but, I snack on biscuits at times, I have no discipline at all.

I need to increase thee exercise routine and stay on course with my diet, I also need to drink more water. Frequenting the loo goes against my very being. I have no problem drinking it, It is the downside I do not like.

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Name – Pacey Pee

Age – 26

Height – 157cm

Current weight – 66kg

Target weight 62 kg

I jog in the mornings (I mean I try to) and I go for aerobics class every Sunday morning. I make sure all my workouts are for 30+ minutes so that my belly fat can be tormented. YES #belly!!!! that’s my major concern. I hate vegetables, I don’t understand fruits. Water is tasteless. LOL I like to complain about these things even though I know they bring out a nice bikini body! So time to toughen up and get flab burning!

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Name : Miss Kay

Age: 26

Weight : 62kgs

Height : 162cm

Target Weight : 55kg

Its more of a getting toned than weight loss plan so don’t read into the target weight thing too much.

Fitness Goals : To run the 2015 Vic Falls Marathon

Routine : cardio, fartlek, gym, p90x

I wake up at 5:15 every morning for my run because I can’t stand this heat and that’s just the best way to start off a great day. I do a 20min jog at a fast pace approx just over 4km. Fully recovery then I do some fartleks which are just walk, jog, sprint intervals (example –>walk 50m, jog 100m, sprint 100m  Do this 6-10 times).

On other days I will just do gym and some p90x. I attribute my almost perfectly flat belly to my p90x DVD collection

My Playlist :  Anything by Rihanna. funk rock/ house/ dancehall music — the less lyrics the better, i just want a bouncy beat and rhythm

Weakness  : Chocolates, pizza, icecream  These weaknesses for me need Jesus himself because I don’t know what kind of will power is required here

About me : When I’m not exercising I’m farming (tobacco, pigs, mushrooms) and during the school first term season I coach athletics

Build Your Man Up They Say

I see this topic almost everyday on my Twitter Timeline.  For a minute there I tried not to share my 2 cents on the topic but the opinionated me just couldn’t let this one slide anymore. I have mixed feelings on the topic so you can be the judge of where I exactly stand at the end of this piece.  Just thinking about building is exhausting now just imagine building a whole entire human being!   I like to use examples, I have been through the most when it comes to relationships(thanks to bad decision making) I always have a point of reference.

Exhibit 1  

I once wrote about this guy some years ago, he is ex number four.  I worked on this guy like a real actual project!  I did a complete makeover.  Changed how he dressed, showed him how I liked to be treated; insert coffee dates, dinners, random lunches, flowers, gifts, even made sure I had bills covered because I understood that he was going through a rough patch so being the loving girlfriend that I was I made sure all was well. Lesson number 1, DO NOT go around taking care of these grown ass men please because guess what, we broke up anyway and he moved on and started making sure he was paying the bills and making sure his new girlfriend was well taken care of.  Guys!!  This is not even a laughing matter but I am laughing anyways.  Like what the fuck was wrong with me?  Why was I housing a grown ass man and giving him free lessons on how to be a great guy only for him to leave and be Prince Charming to the next woman?  Allow me to laugh at myself some more.  This thing we call love can really play with our senses.

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Exhibit 2

I don’t think we can call this one an exhibit but seeing that I already have a heading with that let’s just play along.  I remember the stories most of our parents used to tell us when we were growing up.  About how they started of with nothing but ended up with beautiful families, cars and houses.  I admire them very much, I really do; but I think times have changed for us.  Back then it was okay to start off from the bottom but now both men and women want a “finished product” so to speak.  How many are willing to start from scratch with someone who has zero vision?  Definitely not me!  These days it’s not just the men who have a checklist, even women now want a man with certain things and are not willing to back down on them.  Things like he has to at least have his own place, he should drive, not have a bunch of baby mamas, must be well traveled…the list is endless really depending on the individual.  I for one will tell you that a man who can not cook risks chances of not dating me because let’s be honest, there is nothing as sexy as a man who can whip up a fire meal!

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Image from Google

Exhibit 3

This is not to say that some people who have actually built their man up did not live happily ever after, they actually did and it’s beautiful to hear about these stories.  I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend when we were 18 and over a decade later they are still together, they even got married!  They used to have some major differences but because they loved each other and they had a mutual end goal things worked out well for them and now they are happily married.

My thoughts in a nutshell?  I think that love is a gamble.  You can win or lose when it comes to relationships.  You can do everything in your power to make sure things work out but sometimes your best isn’t good enough and someone will leave.  I have also come to the realisation that no one sings the song of “Build Your Woman Up”!!   My advice, if you have put in the work and the next person decides they want to leave.  Refuse to be dumped.  Like seriously, after investing your time, efforts and mind banging sex someone tells you it’s over.  Say no, it’s not happening, we are in this till the end.  Show up at their doorstep with breakfast the next day like everything is normal.  LOL, okay, that’s not very great advice and please don’t follow it. Take heart; building someone up might be the best or worst thing that might ever happen to you.  It really is about the two of you in the end.

What are your thoughts on the topic?  Have you been in a situation where you gave it your all but it crumbled before your very own eyes.  Let’s talk.

©MaKupsy 2017