8 Simple Ways To Fight Stress

I’m sorry to announce that my blog title was misleading, but seeing that you already clicked the link let’s get on to reading shall we?  I unfortunately do not have the answer to fighting stress but I can tell you how I manage my own stress and fears.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. I run.  I already have a serious and dedicated running workout plan but when I am stressed out or worried about something I run like there is no tomorrow at a pace that even scares me.  Maybe it’s my body’s way of “running away” from my troubles.
  2. I read a lot of self help articles online.  Either that searching for quotes on Pinterest with positive affirmations to lighten my mood.
  3. I fix myself something to eat that is packed with a tonne of calories; most days it works but on some days I end up feeling worse than what I was initially feeling.  My go to meal is almost always something deep fat fried or baked goods. (Don’t try this idea)
  4. I fix a very strong drink; vodka anyone? Unfortunately my alcohol tolerance levels are pathetic lately so two or three glasses later I fall asleep.  Sleeping helps, I can at least forget my troubles for a few hours.
  5. I write about what I’m going through.  Sometimes I journal it other times I bring it to my blog and just vent.
  6. I take time off from work to try and sort out my feelings.  I don’t think people realise that sometimes trying to go to work when you’re going through something isn’t a very bright idea.  You aren’t as productive as you’re supposed to be and you need time to unpack your feelings.
  7. I cry.  When I’m really hurting that’s the best cure for me.  It cleanses my soul but leaves me with puffy eyes the next day.
  8. I try and keep a positive mindset and remind myself that there’s always sunshine after the rain.

There you have it the 8 not-so-effective ways to fighting stress, do attempt them at your own risk.

How do you manage your stress and fears?  I’d love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2018

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I Forgave Him Even When I Thought It Was Impossible

I was convinced that I would never be able to forgive.  I told myself I would hold onto the hurt and pain for as long as I lived so that it would be a constant reminder that the people you think love you are capable of hurting you.  7 years have passed since all the things I thought would break me have become but a memory.  I still can’t believe it.  How can I look back and share stories about things that nearly sent me to my death bed from pain with a smile on my face?  A lot of my friends used to lecture me and say just let go and move on but my heart and mind weren’t in that space just yet.  Eventually, at my own pace and time I forgave and let go; and that right there was the the best decision that I ever made for myself.

MaKupsy Letting Go.jpg

Image from Pinterest

I was filled with hate, bitterness and vengeance towards the father of my child and an ex boyfriend.  Those two people had put me through hearth break, physical and emotional abuse and I in turn had not mastered the art of self love.  Through everything I went through with them I was convinced that there was something wrong with me and there had to be something I could do that would make them love me.  When I look back I realise that had I loved myself enough I would have been more discerning and looked out for red flags at an earlier stage.  Actually no, it’s not even about red flags, I would have had wisdom to know the difference between love and infatuation. Then again when you don’t know how to love yourself just yet any slight form of affection from the next person feels like love.

Years later I’m in a much better place both emotionally and physically.  I had to be, how else was I going to enjoy God’s great gift of life if I was going to be constantly looking back at what went wrong.  If I was going to survive I had to find inner peace.

How does one find inner peace? 

I don’t have a winning formula.  What works for me might not work for you but it’s worth giving a shot if you’re going through a difficult emotional time.  I wrote about my feelings.  This is how my blog was birthed, I needed an outlet to vent my feelings.  I turned to exercising.  I was overweight thanks to a drinking habit I had caught onto in a bid to ease my emotional pain.  I hadn’t even noticed that I wasn’t taking care of my physical health.  I talked about it to my close friends.  The gods know they received enough long messages and phone calls from me each time I had an emotional relapse.  If you’re a spiritual person you can turn your worries to God and pray about it.

I never received an apology for the pain that I went through. I actually never expected it to come and that’s alright.  I did myself a favour instead and forgave them and forgave myself for making not very wise decisions many years ago.  I learnt my mistakes and I trust in the near future I’ll make more informed decisions.

You can read some of the posts of the experiences I’ve gone through over the years.  When I read these now I can still feel the emotions in each post but they no longer have an bearing on my life.

Butterfly

Rebound Guy

A Letter To My Ex Boyfriends

An Open Letter To Kupakwashe’s Father

I would like to thank the people mentioned in the blog posts for the experiences.  At some point I used to think that meeting was a mistake but nothing in life works like that.  Everyone comes into your life for a reason, season or a lesson.  Trust me when I say I learnt my lessons.

My heart is in a beautiful place.  It’s filled with love, daily positive affirmations and hope for an amazing future ahead.  Life happens but we must not stay in a dark space forever.  It’s important to move on and find your peace.  7 years later I can safely say I forgive you and I wish you all the beautiful things that life has to offer.

“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does change the future.”

©MaKupsy 2018

Marriage – Behind Closed Doors

The following post on marriage contains thoughts from the people around me who are currently married.  I decided to get all the interesting information on married life, from the good, the bad and the ugly side of it.  I will not be using their actual names; I will just give them numbers for the sake of confidentiality.  I made a few comments here and there because it seems I always have something to say.  My thoughts are in italics.

Marriage behind closed doors Makupsy.jpg

Husband 1

The Good

  • Companionship
  • Sex on call
  • A home cooked meal everyday
  • Having someone clean after you
  • Having someone do your laundry

The Bad

  • Different people have differences from time to time. I always point out that we all come from different backgrounds and upbringings so there will definitely be differences.
  • Taking care of the bills, eish ha hazvinakidze! Unenge uchida kumbozvi spoiler and buy yourself expensive cars, clothes cologne and so on but you can’t because you have a family to take care of.

Husband 2

The Good

  • The Commitment – it’s not about me its about us (family)
  • The communication – you have a second voice. Usually more informed decisions are made when you include someone else in the picture.
  • The Bonding – your sex life has only room to improve
  • Common Goal – the children become the centre of your life

The Bad

  • You can kiss freedom goodbye
  • You start losing your individuality
  • Your spouse wants to do every single thing with you. This doesn’t sound healthy, AT ALL.
  • No more experimenting during sex
  • You have to beg for sex
  • I didn’t marry my soul mate, each day I think about the one that got away

And then I had a chance to speak to two ladies who have been married for a while now and this is what they had to say:

Wife 1

The Good

  • Always having someone to share all of life’s experience with, my husband is literally my other 1/2
  • Stability of not searching for a partner and knowing that there is someone committed to me and our life
  • Support from my husband when things get tough, he encouraged me throughout University as I got my degrees after marriage
  • Raising my child with the father gives me a joy I can’t describe
  • Sex with your one and only who has committed to you in front of God and man is WOW

The Bad

  • In-laws, I have some nasty sister in laws., Daughter in law expectations are high and some of them cannot accept that I cannot cook pamoto ( by the fire)
  • Iinfidelity, now this one hurts, my husband has cheated on me, the pain cannot be put into words and you never quite get over it.  At any given time when the issue of infidelity is brought up I get uncomfortable. It takes away a part of you, like am I not good enough?
  • Then there is HIV/Aids even when you your partner is cheating you can’t use a condom.  This is the one thing that freaks me out about marriage, you will just have to hope and pray that you don’t catch any disease.  Not using protection puts your life at risk.  Unless you put your foot down and insist on protection but it does not sound like it would be an easy thing to even begin to suggest.

Wife 2

The Good

  • I can have sex as and when i want it. Do people love their sex or what???
  • I no longer have to wait eagerly for the next date because we are now staying together
  • Marriage has increased my wisdom because our intellects have been merged by the mere fact that we are now one flesh.
  • Marriage comes with a certain level of respect. My sisters who are over 13years older than me consult me on everything happening in the family be it tombstone unveiling plans, family crisis, the works .This wouldn’t have happened if I was not yet married.
  • Satisfaction, for me marriage is a very big achievement because it is every woman’s dream of which it came true for me. Correction, not every woman, most women, some women don’t even want to get married for reasons best known to them.

The Bad

  • It is not all rosy though you can choose to still stay cosy.
  • Transparency seems one sided monetary wise. I am transparent even with $1 but my husband can lend $a lot of money to someone without my knowledge. My two cents?  Honesty is the best policy.
  • Family interference, this can steal all the plans we have made for ourselves. Plans are usually changed because “mother in law says so”
  • Lack of privacy: I am married to a man whose family is quite big though all of them are married except the last child. They can’t seem to wean each other off.   I had hoped to spend the first 2 years of marriage on our own so that we learn about each other but fat chance, the moment we got back from honeymoon there were people who had already moved in with us.  It is still the case today.  .I love all his relatives and I treat them well but I can do with a little privacy sometimes. Our culture believes in taking care of family, unfortunately when you marry someone you marry everything about them. 
  • Lack of respect from the in laws. They don’t respect my property, they don’t respect our cars, they don’t respect the things that we have worked for.  When someone hasn’t worked for anything they don’t use it with care because they don’t know the sacrifices you make to get to own something.  It really is sad.

There you have it, the life and times of married life.  Of course I still want to get married even after getting to find out about some of the bad sides of marriage. But today is not about me, I wanted to get inside scoop just to be prepared in advance.  I believe that marriage is a blessing, just like having children.  Not everyone will get to be married and live happily ever after but if you do get the chance to find your own way of making it work.

What are your thoughts on marriage, is it something you’re aiming for or currently experiencing.  Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

©MaKupsy 2018

Dream African Child

Most African parents are big on their children excelling academically.  Show me a parent who doesn’t want their child to be the best student in each class and I’ll show you a liar. It’s not a bad thing at all; we want the best for our children.  However, the creative child seems to suffer if their strong point isn’t academics.  How many of us have heard our parents say, “Why can’t you be like Chido, she’s always first in class?”.  It seems they do a great job of comparing us to the child from several house holds away but never take time to find out what it is we’re actually good at.  Trying to get a child to conform to societal standards, telling them that their dream to be the best tennis player in the world or continuously highlighting their mistakes is the order of the day in most homes.  You could be the next big musician that ever came out of your country but will African parents hear any of that?  All you’re supposed to be focused on is being first in class, nothing else matters.

Unfortunately we can’t keep “beating” our parents especially now that we are parents ourselves.  Those scars take a while to go away and that’s why our generation will do things differently.  We have experienced and observed how limiting your child can work against them and we’ve also seen how nurturing their calling can do wonders for them.  You can read about how I’m faring where parenting is concerned over here.

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Nobuhle

Today my creative crush is Nobuhle.  I love her blog because just like me it’s her space to express herself.  My earlier thoughts were inspired from one of her blog posts titled A Boy Can Dream.  That post got me so fired up I realised if I was to write anymore I’d end up forgetting that today is all about her space.

Her blog was birthed after her father’s death.  She was searching for a way to heal or just something that would help “ease her pain” and when she couldn’t find anything she decided to just write it down and release it into the world.  The first person she told about her blog was her brother and he was excited about the idea and encouraged her to give the idea a go.

She has 4 categories on her blog.  My Heart, Dear Diary, Short Stories and Wanderlust.  I had to check with Google for the definition of Wanderlust, it’s one of those words you see but never bother to actually find out what they mean.  Turns out Wanderlust; the word comes from German, in which wandern means “to wander,” and Lust means “desire.  I learn everyday 🙂

What I love about her blog is that her writing is simple.  It feels like she’s speaking to you, I like that, a lot.  Her page is clean and crisp and her visuals are eye catching.  The best part of all is her blog posts are short and to the point.  I’m not a fan of never ending reads and if you’re like me you’ll enjoy reading her pieces.  However, I feel that though I love her work Nobuhle needs churn out new content regularly to get her readers coming back for more.

I asked her what she would like to accomplish from her blogging experience and she told me that “I would like to write a book eventually, like Maya Angelou typa books like letters to my daughter.”  I wish her well on her journey and who knows, some day I’ll be telling people I once featured her on my blog and no one will even believe me…sigh.

Her number 1 tip for anyone who wants to start blogging is; Have a plan and know WHY you writing that why will always push you.

You can find Nobuhle on www.ethneticme.com you will also find all her social media links from her page, she’s everywhere.

Blog Indaba The Meeting Place Community will be doing a creative crush this and every Wednesday.  You will never run out of a good read from here on.

Beaton: Blog Indaba Wednesdays : Ethnetic Me

Ubu:Then My Heart Heard A Voice

TeeMadzika: Wednesday Share A Creative

It's National Wine Day!

What are your thoughts on parenting.  What did your parents feed your mind and what will you do differently when you become a parent?  

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remove Your WhatsApp Blueticks And Live Happily Ever After

My last seen and blueticks on WhatsApp have been disabled for nearly two years now.  This by far has been the best decision I’ve made since downloading this application onto my phone.  I have peace.  I can be a very petty person and I don’t like that side of me to show itself.  Back then when my blueticks were still enabled if someone ignored  me and I could see that they read my message best believe I would make a big fuss about it.  I’d be frantically texting wanting to know why you were last seen online at 12:45 and yet you didn’t respond to the message I sent at 11:00?  It would really rattle me and I’d be upset for hours on end and it would ruin my entire day.  You would think I didn’t have anything better to do with my time but yes things like that happen when you’re a very sensitive or paranoid person.

WhatsApp Blueticks MaKupsy

Minus being petty I have other reasons I chose to remove both my last seen and blueticks from my phone;

  • I don’t like my WhatsApp activity to be policed.  I have a few contacts who will actually question why I haven’t responded to a message which I don’t find urgent or important at the time.  I wonder if people realise that just because you’re online doesn’t mean you have time to respond to every single person.  Sometimes small talk is the last thing I want to do when I’m busy with something else that’s top priority to me.  My policy if you feel I’m taking too long to respond to your message is to pick up the phone and call me saves you a whole lot of waiting for your message to be replied if you ask me.
  • I like viewing my contacts WhatsApp status updates every once in a while.  Having my blueticks disabled means they won’t know that I viewed it and I won’t feel obliged to comment on it.  Also, I don’t want to come out as a stalker viewing status updates the moment my contact updates.
  • Seeing that I bought my phone with my own money that I worked hard for I’m very much entitled to doing whatever I deem necessary. If you want to tell me how to operate my phone feel free to buy me one then we can talk.

One of my friends had this to say concerning the subject at hand.

“I do not care if you see one tick, two ticks or a dog full of ticks I will reply when I can. I set a pattern when starting out with anyone. That way she won’t have too many expectations.  I have people whom I prioritise, so if you think I’m ignoring you, damn straight I am, my phone is ALWAYS with me.”

My friends who happen to be such a cute couple have a Vlog which you should totally check out.  This particular video inspired today’s post.  Please subscribe so that you don’t miss a video.  They’re currently the only couple in Zimbabwe doing a couple Vlog and I have a feeling they’re going to be a big deal; just watch this space.

Unfortunately not everyone is pro disabling blue ticks.

  • Some people don’t like being ignored and the feature only pushes all the wrong buttons for them.
  • Apparently removing your blue ticks and last seen on WhatsApp shows that you’re up to no good.  I don’t even know how the two correlate.  It doesn’t take a phone application to be an individual with questionable character.  Either you’re straight and narrow or you’re not with or without blue ticks.

I love technology.  It has made communication easier, faster, smoother.  I believe we’re all entitled to communicating as and when it’s convenient for us.  Personal space is important either on or offline.  If someone isn’t responding to your messages perhaps you need to see what’s not being said and move on with your day.  There are more amazing things that you can fill up your time with.

While we’re on the phone conversation you might also want to check out these two posts:

My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone

Missed Call Alert

What are your thoughts on the subject?  Are you pro or anti blue ticks?

©MaKupsy 2018

9 Things I’ll Never Do Again

Have you ever sat down and thought to yourself, what in the world was I thinking when I did that?  I’ve had moments like those in the past and I’ve sometimes laughed or felt sorry for myself.  I really do get up to the strangest of things when my head isn’t screwed on properly.  Thanks to my not so bright adventures I’ve told myself that I’ll never do a bunch of things again for as long as I live and here’s a list of some of them.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. I will not get pregnant and go through labour again, like ever.  Okay, that’s a lie.  It’s highly likely that I will get pregnant again the only difference is I’m not going to have a child out of wedlock.  I want to experience pregnancy a second time around and enjoy every moment of it with a loving and caring partner.  The plus for me is I’ll be going through a Cesarean Delivery so no labour pains for me.
  2. I will not get false lashes done anytime soon.  The process of getting them done is intrusive, you can’t wash your face for the next 48 hours after getting them to make sure the glue holds the lashes and when you wake up in the morning your eyes are highly irritated.  The only time I’m going to get lashes done is on a very special occasion otherwise pretty as they are they really aren’t worth the trouble.
  3. I’ll never get a weave-on done.  Those things damaged my hairline.  I’m very comfortable wearing my natural hair as is; with braids or get African threading done up.  I’m all for protective hairstlyes and I wear them loudly and proudly.
  4. I will never drink more than a 6 pack of ciders in one sitting.  Ever since I went on a sobriety challenge I consume alcohol differently.  Just two ciders or a glass of wine or a tumbler of vodka and I’m done for the day.  Strange things are happening to me considering the way I used to love my alcohol.  It’s a welcome change tho, I’m not complaining.
  5. I will never go through life without a content calendar.  I used to be one of those bloggers who would “blog on the go” but ever since I tried using a content calendar many moons ago my blogging life has changed for the better.  Would you believe me if I told you that I penned this post three weeks ago?  That’s just how organised my life has become.  The best part is it doesn’t apply to just blogging, there are different apps you can use to make your social media presence a smooth sail.  I’ll share them one of these days.
  6. I will not spend time with people who’s company doesn’t stimulate me.  Better to be alone than in the presence of boring people.  I’ve also since made a decision not to attend events that don’t grow me in any way.  I used to love attending any and everything but it gets tiring, you spend so much money then you ask yourself why did I even put myself through that?  The plan is to continue to grow not waste your time or resources.
  7. I’ll never eat sushi.  I doubt that I’m missing out at all.  I’ve seen tonnes of pictures on Instagram of people sharing their sushi experiences and I’m like no thanks, I’ll go through life without it and I’ll be perfectly fine.  What made me not doubt my decision was after someone told me that the fish will be raw.  Euwwww.  Why would I intentionally do that to myself?
  8. I’ll never ask strangers for directions.  Don’t you just love technology?  Now you don’t have any reason to go around getting lost because your phone will take you to the exact location.  It’s that accurate.
  9. Travel to South Africa by bus in winter.  That time traveling by bus is a pain in the as* now couple that with traveling there in winter when the weather is very unfriendly.  The last time I tried that was probably 4 years ago and I got back to Zimbabwe feeling very irritable after spending nearly 12 hours by the border,  swollen feet and simply pissed off.  Don’t ever do that to yourself, it’s not worth the stress.

What are some of the things you’ve said to yourself, never will I ever?

©MaKupsy 2018

13 Relaxing Things You Can Do With Your Sunday

I have a love hate relationship with Sunday.  I love it because I get to relax and unwind but I hate it because it’s a reminder that I have to get back to being normal tomorrow and stop spending my day in my PJ’s doing any and everything at my own time and pace.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. Attempt to get out of bed or stay there all day long.  It’s all up to you, today is your day to relax and unwind.
  2. Go to church.  I prefer attending the morning service, it runs from 7am to 9am and I can start my day with my soul feeling reenergized and ready to face a beautiful day and week ahead.
  3. Exercise.  Studies have shown that A few minutes of hard exercise is always better than nothing, and it can have real, lasting benefits.  I have a bunch of DVD workouts I thoroughly enjoy doing and just 20 mins is enough and on a day like today I can go all out and do a full hour.
  4. Take a bath.  Ever noticed how you rarely get to enjoy a nice soak in during the week because you have a million and one things to do.  Well, today’s your day to take out your favourite bubble bath or bath salts, create a soothing playlist and enjoy every minute of your therapy.
  5. Fix yourself a delicious and filling meal.  Take your pick.  I’d suggest a scrumptious brunch tho that way you won’t have need to make anything for supper.  A light snack will do the trick for later on and the bonus part is you won’t have to do dishes afterwards.
  6. Take a walk.  The Jacaranda’s are out this part of the world.  For the lucky few who don’t have allergies you will love the views and fresh air.  Perfect for taking selfies too.
  7. Catch up on your favourite series.  I’m currently watching Insecure, already on Season 3.  Issa Rae is hair goals!  You can watch the season review here.
  8. Watch YouTube videos.  Ever since my friend introduced me to the other side of it my life has never been the same.  I’m subscribed to a bunch of channels but my top 3 favourites are Minority Mindset, Gravity Transformation and Alux.com.  I’ve always known I could learn a lot from the internet but I never realised there was so much content out there and me being a visual person makes the whole YouTube experience a lot of fun for me.  What are some of your favourite YouTube channels so that I can check them out as well?
  9. Take a nap.  Nothing beats a 45 minute power nap.  It’s glorious.
  10. Do your hair.  I’m a naturalista 4c hair type girl.  That hair needs all the time, patience, prayers and strength in the world to get done and Sunday is my go to day.
  11. Read.  I have a challenge to read at least 3 books each month.  Not the romance type of books but more along the lines of books that will help me grow mentally.  I’m currently reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari; it’s challenging me to look at life with a different pair of eyes.  I love my hard copies but if that’s not your cup of tea you can settle for audio books.  The great thing about audio books is that you can do other things while listening in; hello multitasking.
  12. Stay away from your phone for the entire day.  WhatsApp can be a sure enemy of progress.  Before you know it the day is gone and you did nothing productive.  Your family and friends will be okay, you need the alone time every now and again.
  13. Plan your week ahead.  This is a sure way to know you will be productive in the few days to come.  I usually jot down a to-do-list which I review weekly to make sure I’ve accomplished my goals.  All successful people work with lists – Brian Tracy said so and he’s a millionaire so that alone should speak for itself.

What are you up to today?  Please share your Sunday to-do-list.

©MaKupsy 2018

Are Any Of These Songs On Your Playlist?

I remember telling my sister that when you’re going through a heartbreak and you try to listen to music the greater part of the time you don’t even hear the words; the melody alone is enough to send you off to a crying fest. I love my music and not a day goes by without listening to some feel good track of sort.  Lately I try and avoid the sad songs because I’ve realised that what I listen to easily influences my mood.  Are you like that as well?  Today isn’t about heartbreaks though; I’m going to take you back in time musically…

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Image from Pinterest

Thong Song : Sisqo

High School days are the best days!  I’m sure every school had a DJ play this song at every Variety Show around the 2000s.  This is the time when the latest fashion for the boys was a bandana, a pair of shiny jeans and a summer shirt; if you got yourself one with a dragon you automatically made it to the cool kids club.  Wearing your jeans below your belly button for the girls as well as guvhu outs (crop tops) was a thing.  I remember I had a black one which was written 90’s in silver glitter.  This is also the same time when writing letters was the most romantic gesture ever and waiting for your boyfriend to call you at an exact time was the highlight of your day. I saved up my pocket money to buy the cassette, Unleash The Dragon.  It was gold!  The song still sounds really good in 2018.  Take me back!!!

 

He Is : Heather Headley

This was back in the days of CDs.  I was working at my very first job and asked one of my colleagues what she was listening to.  She let me borrow her Heather Headley This Is Who I Am Album.  I fell in love with her music at the very first listen.  You have no idea how happy I was when weeks later I watched Breaking All The Rules and she was in the movie singing this very song!  Couple that with getting very excited about watching Jamie Foxx, he was a very big deal back then and I couldn’t get enough of him.  Sexy sexy 🙂

 

Better In Time : Leona Lewis

I know I said sad songs are a no no but I can’t help myself.  This song takes me back to nearly 8 years ago.  My heart was raw with pain.  I was going through my first and promised myself it would be my last heartbreak.(I was delusional)  I remember listening to this song while taking a walk during my lunch breaks and I would just sit by one of the park benches and cry my eyes out.  I honestly thought life was no longer going to make sense without my then partner.  I thought death was a better alternative to the pain I was going through.  Thankfully life teaches you that whatever you think might never get better will eventually be but a distant memory.  No regrets.  I healed from all the pain; I let go.  I learnt my lessons the hard way and I know that indeed it does get better in time.

 

Dip It Low : Christina Milian

The choreography and visuals won me over the very first time I watched this video.  Back then we actually used to enjoy watching ZTV and they had really good programmes lined up.  That time you’ll be singing along to things you had no clue about.  Now I’m like how on earth did our parents even allow us to watch and listen to this stuff?  “I’ma show you how to make your man say ohhh.” 

Fun Fact: I had no idea there were weave ons.  I genuinely thought that was Christina Milian’s hair.  I used to think wow, it must be nice staying in America, there’s something in the food or water that makes your hair grow so long!

I could write up a post with nearly 100 of my favourite songs but that would bore you to death.  The idea is to keep you coming back to my blog not chase you away.

Music keeps memories alive.

Do you remember any of the songs from my playlist?  If yes, which ones?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

My Birth Control Experience

I didn’t grow up with vast knowledge on Birth Control.  You can read all about the only ever sex and reproductive health talk I got the day I got my first period here.  The only form of birth control I was aware of were Condoms and well, that didn’t go very well seeing that I got knocked up.   (please note the Withdrawal Method failed dismally in this case, use it at your own risk).   A few months after having my daughter we decided that we were going to try and not have another unplanned pregnancy so off to New Start Centre we went.  (Contraceptive is free at New Start Centre)

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Image from Google

I didn’t realise there were so many birth control methods available.  The counselor was very helpful and talked us through all the methods.   I had to weigh in so that she could check if my BMI was in check.  Unfortunately I was overweight and according to her I could not get onto almost all the methods because the hormones would make me gain even more weight.

She suggested I try The Loop also known as IUD: Intrauterine Device (IUD) for Birth Control.  An IUD is a small, T-shaped plastic device that is wrapped in copper or contains hormones. The IUD is inserted into your uterus by your doctor.  I think that method is only for the brave because having the IUD inserted is the most uncomfortable experience I have gone through to date.  Once it was done she told me that the only thing I would need to worry about was an extra day or two to my monthly period.  WRONG!

When I got my first period after getting The Loop I didn’t make it to work.  I never get period pain and I was confused when my lower back and abdomen were in excruciating pain.  I couldn’t even leave my bed.  I felt nauseous, I was weak and the thought of food was not helping matters at all.  I had to call in sick and made my way to the doctor.  I thought I was going to die!  At the same time I thought I was pregnant but how are you even pregnant when you are on your period?  I was worried sick.  When I got to speak to the doctor he told me that I was suffering from Dysmenorrhea; which is basically painful periods.  The doctor informed me that it was part of the side effects of the birth control method I had opted for.  I got a couple of pain killers and sleeping tablets to help me sail through my monthlys.  Well, that didn’t help much but at least it made me feel a little better.

That was not all, after my period I had a massive breakout on my face.  I have never seen my skin transform into someone that I couldn’t even recognise in the mirror.  Then my pee started to smell like copper. Oh my word!!!  Maybe it was just in my head…all the same before I got to the second month of using that method I went back to New Start and asked them to remove it!  I was unhappy and uncomfortable.  The counselor tried to convince me that my body needed at least 3 months to adjust to the foreign body but I would hear none of it.  I was not about to go another month of having an 8 day period!!!  Do you have any idea how expensive tampons are?!  Being on your period already sucks as it is now imagine going at it for a whole week… Goodbye sex!

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Image from Google

Once they removed The Loop I went and bought a whole box of condoms.  Yes, I am one of those individuals who don’t mind buying her own condoms because I value my health.  After that experience I just decided condoms are the way to go for me, I won’t have it any other way.

P.S I tried to use the female condom, it’s a NO for me, it’s too big, actually looks like a plastic bag, but that’s just me.

Ladies, talk to me, which birth control method are you on?

Which one did you have a bad experience with?

Who taught you about birth control?

Stay in tune with your body, your health is your business.

©MaKupsy 2018

Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Break Up

Getting into a relationship is easy, staying in one is a whole different ball game.  Times have changed, options aplenty and the moment things go wrong most couples are quick to give up and walk away from each other without ever taking time to work on each other instead.  There are so many different platforms you can hook up with someone and start over and completely forget about your former relationship; but is that really how things should be like?  From my personal experiences in the past you can walk away yes but you will walk into a new relationship and still face the same problems with a different person.  Perhaps before you choose to end a relationship you need to ask yourself what qualities attracted you to the once was love of your life and find good reasons to stay.

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Image from Pinterest

Friendship

Do you enjoy each other’s company?  Are you the sort of couple that can go out all weekend party hard and have the best time ever.  Or you’re the couple that can spend the day at home cooking, catching up, watching a good movie or whatever you both enjoy and still have a good time?  Whatever the case might be the way I see it if you two are friends before anything else chances of weathering any storm that comes your way are very high.  Love will fade eventually but friendship will likely last forever; at least I hope it will.

Sex

Everyone knows that the first few weeks of sex as a new couple is non-stop.  Once you finally decide you’re both ready it’s like the only thing you two get up to.  Over time (if your relationships gets to last long enough) you’ll be more comfortable and no longer be having sex for the orgasms and focus more on exploration and pleasuring each other.  Something called sexual compatibility is a thing and if you find that you two are the lucky few to have that hold onto it.  It’s rare to find.

Starting Over Is A Chore

So…what’s your favourite colour?  Oh my word!  If I ever have to go through that sort of conversation again I promise I’ll stab myself to death with a spoon.  That stuff is tiring.  I don’t want anyone else to know what my favourite colour, food, music is or what I like to do with my weekends.  The whole process of getting to know a completely different person is a lot of work I’m not willing to put in.  I’m good thank you very much.  I’ll stick with my partner and find new ways to annoy him instead.

Growth

If you’re a completely different person since you met your current partner then why would you even think of leaving?  Have they taught you a new skill, helped you look at life from a different lens, challenged you to be better, upgraded you not only financially but physically and spiritually?  If you answered yes to most of these then why are you entertaining such negative thoughts?  There’s no such thing as breaking up, you’re going to work through this shit together.

Security

I know you thought of money when you read this but for me money is a bonus.  From my viewpoint emotional security is one of the reasons I would stay in a relationship.  Nothing beats knowing that you’re with someone who has your best interests at heart, someone you trust and someone who is emotionally available.  It’s not easy going through life on your own but if you’re the lucky few to have a partner with these qualities be thankful and also take notes from them so that you too can reciprocate when the need arises.

Choose to love everyday.

I wrote this post with my late colleague Itai in mind.  She died in her sleep two months ago; she had a heart condition.  We sat right next to each other in the office and everyday we had new stories and fashion tips to share.  She was such a lovely person and when she passed on I struggled for weeks.  I couldn’t believe I was never going to see her again.  She was a big sister to me.  She always used to say that life was short and that we should celebrate each day like it’s our last because tomorrow isn’t promised.  I still picture her in her red dress standing right next to me telling me she was struggling with her condition and she would be lucky if she would make it till the end of the year. I could see her health was deteriorating but I told her she shouldn’t talk like that because words have power.  Now she’s gone but I know she’s now in a happy place and she’s finally at peace.  I miss her everyday and thinking about her has my heart breaking all over again.  

Don’t take the people in your life for granted.  Today might be the last day you see them.  Find reasons to love them like it’s the last time…

©MaKupsy 2018