If I’d never left my parents house I’d have had sex the day I got married. I come from a culture where we were constantly reminded that if you had sex your mother’s back would break. You can read about the sex talk I got when I entered puberty over here. I dated my very first boyfriend for a good 3 years before we eventually started having sex. The main reason nothing ever happened was because I was genuinely scared. We also used to see each other in public spaces so we never got intimate moments on our own.
I eventually got a job in the capital city, Harare and he didn’t waste any time trying to convince me to get in-between the sheets. Every other day we would make out but never go all the way. I eventually decided screw it (just do it) I’m tired of him always asking and we eventually had sex. I must say, it was the most shocking few minutes of my life. I lay there and thought, so this was it? Nothing magical or newsworthy? So much for holding onto this for all these years! I felt terribly guilty and my innocence was stripped away, life as we know it was never the same again…
It’s unfortunate that you can’t turn back the hands of time but I truly regret having sex before marriage. So many things would have gone right but they went left thanks to giving in to my pleasures. I’m not saying sex is bad, I’m simply saying the consequences that come with it are not for the weak.
- Having sex will sometimes leave you in a spiritual warfare. You can feel ashamed, empty and sometimes depressed. You will struggle emotionally.
- Fear lives with you all the damn time. Going for your routine check up for HIV will no longer be a fun activity. When it comes to sex I always say that you don’t keep your partners private parts in your bag so you’ll never know who they’re using them on. The moment you start having sex you’ve set yourself up for an emotional roller coaster because infidelity and diseases are real. You’ll be waiting for your results and telling the universe you’re never ever going to have sex again! What a joke.
- Chances of you comparing your current lover to a past lover are high. You’ll be wondering why he doesn’t like sucking your toes during sex meanwhile he’s wondering why you like taking it in the ass. It’s a messy scenario.
- Ever heard anyone say “she was dickmatised“? It’s another way of saying she can’t opt out because the sex is really good. Sometimes people are stuck in bad relationships because of sex and letting go of something that’s not good for your soul is a tall order because you think noone else will ever make you feel that way again.
- You might be faced with an unplanned pregnancy and end up with someone you probably didn’t like enough to raise a child with. Abortion in Zimbabwe is a criminal offence so buckle up and keep that in mind if you’re having unprotected sex.
- You will end up knowing everything about what your partner likes physically but absolutely nothing about them as an individual. Their favourite colour, what they like to do in their spare time, their favourite food or even their plans for the future. A sexually charged relationship can easily blind you from things that actually matter.
- You’ll question whether your partner likes you for you or they like you for the sex. Sometimes it’s not easy to spot the difference.
There are days I’m caught between thinking I should make a pact with myself to go celibate until I get married. Then other times I think life is too short what if I die tomorrow mentality. Sex is so complex! I salute everyone who managed to wait to have sex until marriage. I’ve always wondered all about the benefits of doing so are and I’ll ask a few friends who did so to share their experiences with me.
I think waiting isn’t impossible but it will be much more difficult if you’ve had sex before. Would you try this for yourself, or you’d rather let this one pass? Also, do you remember the first time you had sex?