Shocked are we? That here I am, actually sitting down to write about love, something that I am always condemning on my social networks and life in general. Love is a need, I’m not sure if that is fortunate on unfortunate though…because what most of us have gone through in the name of love is bitter sweet. I can safely say I have done the craziest of things for that thing they call love. Contrary to what most people think on my social networks I actually do believe in love because when you find that special someone it can be the most beautiful thing you have ever experienced in your life. I am a true sucker for romance, as and when I fall in love with the right person.
Feelings…something that every single person on this planet has. No one can hide from those, especially when they are love related. But guess what? The year 2013 moving forward seems to not allow people to “catch feelings” as this might cause you to fall in love and probably lead to disappointed, hurt and sometimes death. So the latest trend is to have fun, enjoy a relationship but by all means necessary, DO NOT CATCH FEELINGS!! How difficult that must be, to know you love someone so deeply but can not express it or if you choose to love do not let the other person know? What has the world come to?? Whatever happened to letting the person in your life know that they are your everything, (your apple in a mango tree type of love), you can not get them out of your mind and they make your heart skip a beat? I wish I knew the answer too but i do know that i am a part of those people who have chosen the route to not catch any feelings if one can help it. It’s not something I always agreed to as I am that one person who chooses to love completely…but life and love affects us all in ways we can never fully describe and that led me to making the decision to build a wall around me to protect my heart from “catching feelings”.
As fate may have it, that wall I built close to a year ago came crumbling down a few months back. I am still trying to figure out how that happened. He was and still is my friend. You know how it starts…endless Whatsapp messages, spending time together, the outings, the drink-ups (I did a lot of those last festive season) the long phone calls and before you know it you are right there in the midst of that mushy feeling and alarms ringing inside you screaming “you have caught feelings!!!” My close friends told me this friendship was getting too personal because we were together almost every time, but then i was not complaining, the man was mighty fine. He was just a bit taller than me, dark n lovely (hehehe) played basketball, worked out at the gym and all that muscle and abs could not have been legal because the way they had an effect on me was orgasmic. hmmm.
Okay, enough about him, back to my feelings. Somewhere somehow I realised that I was falling in love with this fine man. This was not the initial plan though, we were supposed to just have a great time and not get emotionally attached to each other. I remember my close friends telling me that we were spending way too much time together and eventually this was going to end up as a proper relationship. I blatantly told them that we were not dating and that any other ideas they were entertaining were false. Alas, who was I kidding? The way we were sending messages to each other even changed, we were sounding like a couple. The way he held my hand when we walked down the street, the way he kissed me goodbye when we had spent a day together left me breathless… Trust me i have friends, I do not entertain anything further than a hug from my friends but this man, this man…he got my head spinning, no kidding..(thank you John Legend) I fell in love with everything about this fine man, i could not wait to wake up to his messages or phone calls, I even saved all our conversations and went to bed in his t-shirt. He was on my mind all day long and just him appearing at my workplace to surprise me got me losing focus.
There is a big BUT in this story and here it comes. BUT we had promised each other that this was not going to get serious because our lives were taking different paths. We lied to ourselves, the words were unspoken but deep inside we both knew there was more to this. I do not regret knowing this man, he has a good heart, and a fine body you just want him to hold you close in his strong arms. I also do not regret not ever telling him I love him, in case I was seen as the weaker party between the two of us, or the feeling was probably not mutual, or he probably would say he felt the same way because I had told him and did not want me to feel bad about it, or simply because a man finds a woman and not the other way round?? There are so many reasons why I will never tell him about it. But I do love him, truly, madly and deeply. At some point in my life I actually believed that you can only love once, but i disagree, the heart was made for loving, it just loves to love, even when it knows it will get hurt. This time however, my heart fell and is in love with the right man, but he can never know because I will never tell him…Tough world is it not?
I am not the only one facing this “catching feelings” problem though. I have a few friends around me in the same predicament. I will not mention her name, for fear that she might mention my fine mans name, but she will know I am talking about her once she reads this. She is dangerously in love with a guy who stays a few streets away from her place. They have been together for a while now but the “L” word has not been spoken. Though she has gone through sleepless nights, endless composing and deleting of messages directed to him without actually sending them to him we both know she is completely love stoned and has caught feelings left, right and centre! So what is supposed to happen to us women and our feelings if these men do no communicate their feelings or if they do not see the signs we send off to them??? Tofira mukati here because I for one am not going to be telling a man that I have fallen in love with him! We go through such hard times trying to hide our emotions fearing that how we feel will be taken for granted because we have loved and lost one too many times.
Anyways, in case you are wondering if you have caught feelings here are a few pointers:
- You can not get the person out of your mind.
- You get excited when you receive a message or phone call from them.
- You get affected if they do not get in touch with you.
- You check when they were last online and freak out wondering why they did not talk to you.
- You can not stop talking about them.
If you experience any of those then you my dear have officially CAUGHT FEELINGS known a long time ago as falling in love.