Trust Issues

I have some major trust issues.  I keep wondering if I will ever get past them.  I am that one person who never takes your word without dissecting it first and then eventually deciding on whether I should believe it or not.  My relationships have been strained because of this.download (1)

Once upon a time I believed every single thing someone told me.  Especially where relationships were concerned.  I was so naive; when I look back I actually want to slap myself!  I have had a couple of things happen to me that made me question the choices I have made.  Those things are the very reason why I can’t get myself to fully open up and let anyone in emotionally. In my head I keep thinking if I let them in I am giving them the power to hurt me or do the worst to me.

At the same time I blame myself for dating the same type of guys.  When I look back I realise that there was a pattern.  They all had similarities somehow.  They may not have been the same person but they sure ended up behaving in somewhat the same manner.  How messed up is that?

I think it’s simply a case of wanting what I can’t have.  Sometimes I would get into a relationship knowing fully well that someone did not like me as much as I like them and get all shocked when things went wrong as if I didn’t see it in the beginning.  This is the kind of shit that lands me into trouble!   Most of the relationships I have been in have been so dramatic I had to ask Google, friends, and myself if the person I was dating really was into me.  Last time I checked if someone really loves you, you feel it deep inside you and you don’t have to question anyone or even yourself, you just know it.

To be honest, I have repeatedly experienced betrayal and deceit, having to trust the next person is just a tall order for me.  Or maybe sometimes I have had insecurities that have stemmed from the one person I truly loved making me feel that I was not worthy of love and that just damaged my self esteem.

They say you take it one day at a time right?  Yes, I have been doing that.  Don’t get me wrong, I am a very happy individual but some days I have moments like today where I just sit and wonder if I will ever trust anyone again. I have learnt from my past experiences, I have moved forward from them.  I am in the process of separating the past from the present and slowly judging everyone as a completely different individual and hoping and praying for a happy ever after.

I don’t think you just get to trust again overnight, it is a process that will take some time.  I know I still have trust issues though, the only good thing is that I don’t get worked up and go into investigation mode anymore when I have a feeling something is up.  That is definitely a good thing coming from me!

MaKupsy

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3 thoughts on “Trust Issues

  1. ABSOLUTLY love this article, my view about trust is that it should be tied or linked to a physical object or person. I can trust God but I may not trust my friend so in other words I cant be carrying trust issues to everyone I meet. the key is forgiveness why not forgive those people who hurt you in the past don’t keep them inside of you its cancerous.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You might be onto something there… something on the physical side has more impact on an individual. Because you have had one on one or rather intimate interaction with an individual they have a hold on you somehow and that affects you more than someone you have never had such a connection with. Say I can trust you but I can never trust my partner…LOL

      Like

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