The next morning was always the worst. I would wake up feeling like the body I was in didn’t belong to me. I just wanted to die and never come back. I had the mother of all hangovers! While i hugged the toilet and continued to try and force myself to throw up I kept asking myself WHY I kept drinking when clearly it was doing more harm than good to me? After a few minutes in the bathroom and cleaning up I would head straight to the fridge to grab a drink to cure my current hangover. Everyone says the only way to cure a hangover is to have another drink, and so I did so. This was my typical Saturday, Sunday,Monday, Tuesday actually every morning routine for the few months I used alcohol as a coping mechanism.
I would drink every single day that God created. There was always some form of alcohol in my house, from ciders, to wine, to whiskey to vodka…there was never a day I remember that I was in short supply in that department. It wasn’t about the weekend anymore, all I wanted to do was get completely wasted and forget about the real issues that were eating me up inside. Having a friend who stayed at home all day and always had a plan for an outing did not even make the situation any better. We would go for parties, for braais, pool parties, meet up at the club, drink from home, whichever place it was we were drinking.
Zvie was the life of the party!! I was on the dance floor, I was screaming that is my my jam when the DJ played any of my then favourite songs, I was taking on dares to take 5 shots in a row, I didn’t want to go back home, all I wanted to do was have a good time and party all night. Home meant having to be on my own and deal with my issues, I didn’t want to. I was drowning into a deep, dark black hole…Alcohol was stealing my soul, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
It’s only now when I look back that there was actually nothing to be proud of there. The way I would tell everyone willing to hear how I was suffering from a hangover, on a Thursday for that or any given day of the week. It was embarrassing to say the least. How does one live their life for alcohol alone and not face their issues head on and deal with them? It was an escape route I suppose. The worst was when my friends would tell me what I said or did the next day and I could barely recollect any of the events. Thankfully nothing tragic ever happened while I was drunk but it was just too shocking to think that I could black out just like that?
With alcohol came bad decisions. Some of the things I got myself into were crazy to say the least. I remember this one time we went to The Centurion. I can’t quite remember what the event was but we had an amazing evening. Somewhere between one three many ciders I felt I needed to take off my pair of heels and run into the cricket pitch and feel the cool evening breeze against my face. It was a great idea to try and sober up but it turned out pretty bad on my way back. I stepped on a bottle of who knows what and my right foot was nearly cut into half!! I wasn’t even phased. I was laughing the whole time and completely hammered out of of my brains. I had handed over my brand new Samsung Galaxy 3 phone to someone whose name I couldn’t recall. My friend was trying to ask me where my phone was so we could call for a cab. She tried calling my phone using hers and luckily the guy was close by and handed it over to her telling her that I had asked him to keep it for me. Gosh! What was kinda cider was I even drinking that day??? Anyways, the cab driver came and we went home, I remember bits and pieces of my friend trying to carry me up the stairs to her place, pouring vodka on my wound and cleaning it up. I don’t know how I got to my place and in bed. I passed out…
I woke up in the morning ready to face another drinking day and couldn’t get out of bed because of excruciating pain coming from my right foot. I had completely forgotten about last nights events and I was shocked to realise I had a deep cut on my foot!! PANIC was not even the word! To cut a long story short my foot heeled eventually; and it was that particular incident that made me stop drinking alcohol completely for a whole 3 months.
After that I had no choice but to deal with my problems the mature way. I sat down and reevaluated my life. I had to stop talking to my partner in crime. Not that I didn’t like her but we were a bad combination, nothing good ever came out of our outings. It started of as I will just go and have a few drinks and ended up with me not knowing when to stop. It was a phase that I promised myself I will never go back to. It was fun for a moment but the after effects were filled with regrets. Now I stick to a glass of red wine or an occasional cider. I can actually go to bed knowing I have wine in the house and not feel the need to drink up the whole bottle. I used to be an alcoholic and it is something I will never be proud of.