Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can’t sleep at night
I usually like listening to some soulful old school on Sundays. I had a lot of Brandy on my playlist and it got my mind thinking back to the time when I was in love. Brandy sings and asks “Have you ever loved somebody so much?” The answer is YES. Just once in my life so far.
Once upon a time I was so in love I couldn’t even think straight. Amazing how that feeling just creeps up on you when you least expect it. It was an all consuming kind of love. There was nothing in the world I would not have done for him because he meant everything to me. You know that kind of love where he is the only man you see. No one else exists in your thoughts because only he lives there. It possibly isn’t healthy as well, but when you are in it you don’t see just how much damage that can do to you. All the same I was stupid in love. I can’t say he treated me like a queen but he would give me doses of affection that left me wanting more of him. He made me feel special and wanted but I always questioned myself wondering if he really did love me.
I ended up doing his laundry, cooking for him, spending all my spare time with him without even noticing it. I even gave him the keys to my apartment. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I VALUE MY SPACE??? That’s just how much I wanted him around. I trusted him with my heart. I thought that he would never do anything to hurt me…but he did. Eventually I came to realise that just because someone is the love of your life, it doesn’t automatically make you the love of their life. That man took my feelings for granted. He took my heart and stabbed it so many times with what was probably a blunt knife because it took me forever and a day to heal the wounds and finally get over him.
Always remember that you can’t make someone love you. Either they love you or they don’t.
Matters of the heart are complicated. What I do know however is that communication is the best thing that was ever invented. I think that if you honestly do not feel the same about someone you should be honest enough to tell them. That way you save them unnecessary hurt and pain. Is it not better to hurt from rejection and move right along with your life; than to hurt from empty promises and lies about how the next person claims to feel about you. Life is too short to live it on lies. The one time experience I had on what I thought was true love got me questioning everything and everyone. I don’t believe in anything that someone tells me. Now I simply believe in actions; because “Actions speak louder than words.” It completely sucks that one person ruined my perception on love and relationships.
Will I ever love again? Of course I will! The only difference is I will guard my heart jealously and not give it away freely because not everyone who says they love you has your best interests at heart. Believe that!
Will I listen to Brandy again? Not anytime soon because here I am dwelling on the past again…
To be honest he truly was the love of my life even though the fairytale I thought we were in had a not so happy ending.