You should see the state of affairs in my bedroom, you would think some crazy woman lives there. Everything is everywhere! I am one of the neatest and tidiest people I know ( if I do say so myself) but lately I just wouldn’t give a damn! Yesterday I had told myself self, self; make sure you clean up and make this the little haven it always is but self would not cooperate. So I spent the rest of my afternoon lying in bed, chatting on WhatsApp for the most part of the day, watching this series titled Undateable which I have decided to rate 5/10 because some it’s funny, but not so funny.
I had forgotten I had last had my last meal in the morning so around 4 pm I decided to get up and get some cooking done. I hate cooking for myself by the way, such a mammoth task! Then dishes need to be done afterwards, the inconvenience…maybe I should just invest in some paper plates and paper cups? So ever since I discovered that you can add mayonnaise to your macaroni my life has been heaven on earth! The main reason being I don’t particularly like macaroni but the mayonnaise is making it more palatable for me.
My personal space usually reflects what’s going on with me emotionally. So my room being such a big mess just means I am an emotional wreck at the moment. I have so many things going on with me I can’t even begin to list them. You know what the biggest problem is though? When I am going through this phase no amount of texting about it will help. I NEED to talk to someone, face to face, someone who will understand all the different emotions I am going through. Someone who will give me a big hug and tell me everything is going to be okay. Who spends a whole day doing nothing and even forgetting to eat? And the worst part, last night I didn’t even sleep one wink, I kept tossing and turning in bed. I am actually starting to worry that I might actually be feeling depressed.
I am tired of having to hear the “It’s going to be okay, Worse things have happened to people, It’s just a phase, Be strong.” I can’t! I am unhappy and I have tried everything under the sun to stay happy but I just can’t seem to find peace and guess what, the upcoming holiday season is just going to make me feel worse by the minute. I know everyone has problems but fuck it I need to fix how I am feeling right now!