Friendship is the best thing that can ever happen to you if you surround yourself with the right people. I have friends that have been in my life for as long at 15 years. I can safely say once I decide that someone is my friend then we are pretty much friends for life; ups and downs and the whole experience that comes with it. Most of my long term friendships are with women and then I have the one male friend who I have been calling my husband (I still don’t remember how this came about) for as long as I can remember even though he technically isn’t my husband. I have known him for close to 9 years now and we are still as close as ever. We can blog all about him another day because today is not about that.
I remember once dating a guy who did not like my friend AT ALL. He actually told me point blank that he didn’t like her and that he wouldn’t entertain us hanging out together. Now that was just a tough call especially given that we had been in each others lives forever. Of course I didn’t listen to his crazy talk, who chooses between a best friend and her man? You keep them both! The whole time he was stressing me about my best friend he was still in touch with his ex girlfriend.
Now this issue right there will bring nothing but sleepless nights and headaches. I know a lot of women have been through this ex girlfriend phase. I remember a time I actually wanted to pick up the phone and call her and tell her to stop talking to my man and call her all sorts of names!! Then I thought wait, why should I be calling her?
The fact that she is in touch with him means that he has given her the go ahead to do so; so what difference will my call make? Plus, he was dating me so technically I won the man right so why bother with her? These relationships can really feel like a competition sometimes…Anyways, I realised there and then that us women are quick to trash talk an ex girlfriend to make ourselves feel better instead of actually talking to the person you are in a relationship with.
I get it, people have had relations with other people in the past. I still have mixed feelings about my partner staying in touch with an old flame for reasons such as:
- what if they get back together?
- what if I am just a rebound?
- what if their sex game was so strong they hook up again and we never have sex again or worst case scenario she gets pregnant or I get some disease in that messed up triangle?
- what if he realises he loves her more than me?
To be honest, I think staying in touch with your ex especially when you are in a relationship is a sure recipe for disaster. DO NOT DO IT. Let sleeping dogs lie… It’s things like that that bring insecurity in a relationship. You want to be with someone who shows you that you mean the world to them and no one else matters. Just stick to mutual friends and if you happen to have friends of the opposite sex then by all means let them meet and get to know each other so that there is transparency in your relationship.
Your thoughts on this issue? Are you in touch with an ex, do you think your communication will rekindle an old flame?