Friends, Lovers & Exes

Friendship is the best thing that can ever happen to you if you surround yourself with the right people.  I have friends that have been in my life for as long at 15 years.  I can safely say once I decide that someone is my friend then we are pretty much friends for life; ups and downs and the whole experience that comes with it.  Most of my long term friendships are with women and then I have the one male friend who I have been calling my husband (I still don’t remember how this came about) for as long as I can remember even though he technically isn’t my husband.  I have known him for close to 9 years now and we are still as close as ever.  We can blog all about him another day because today is not about that.


photo credit :

I remember once dating a guy who did not like my friend AT ALL.  He actually told me point blank that he didn’t like her and that he wouldn’t entertain us hanging out together.  Now that was just a tough call especially given that we had been in each others lives forever.  Of course I didn’t listen to his crazy talk, who chooses between a best friend and her man?  You keep them both!  The whole time he was stressing me about my best friend he was still in touch with his ex girlfriend.

Now this issue right there will bring nothing but sleepless nights and headaches.  I know a lot of women have been through this ex girlfriend phase.  I remember a time I actually wanted to pick up the phone and call her and tell her to stop talking to my man and call her all sorts of names!!  Then I thought wait, why should I be calling her?


Photo Credit: @BabyGrace (Twitter) check out her site on :

The fact that she is in touch with him means that he has given her the go ahead to do so; so what difference will my call make?  Plus, he was dating me so technically I won the man right so why bother with her?  These relationships can really feel like a competition sometimes…Anyways, I realised there and then that us women are quick to trash talk an ex girlfriend to make ourselves feel better instead of actually talking to the person you are in a relationship with.

I get it, people have had relations with other people in the past.  I still have mixed feelings about my partner staying in touch with an old flame for reasons such as:

  • what if they get back together?
  • what if I am just a rebound?
  • what if their sex game was so strong they hook up again and we never have sex again or worst case scenario she gets pregnant or I get some disease in that messed up triangle?
  • what if he realises he loves her more than me?

To be honest, I think staying in touch with your ex especially when you are in a relationship is a sure recipe for disaster.  DO NOT DO IT.  Let sleeping dogs lie…  It’s things like that that bring insecurity in a relationship.  You want to be with someone who shows you that you mean the world to them and no one else matters.  Just stick to mutual friends and if you happen to have friends of the opposite sex then by all means let them meet and get to know each other so that there is transparency in your relationship.

Your thoughts on this issue?  Are you in touch with an ex, do you think your communication will rekindle an old flame?



18 thoughts on “Friends, Lovers & Exes

  1. Well executed BUT, depends with issues like “are there any children involved”. A person you have kids with you are bound to talk regardless of what you talking about and the other side (be it a guy or gal) you are in a relationship with will exactly feel otherwise.

    However that’s not to counter your valid point.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading. Yes, I meant to mention where children are involved but realised I would divert the original contents of the post. I agree that were children are involved there is no two ways about that one, they will talk, whether you like it or not.One has to be geared from the onset that it will be something they will have to face and accept in that relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

      • You might actually be doing yourself a very huge favour Rose because most times you end up breaking up again. It’s better safe than sorry. Thank you for reading 🙂


  2. You should have wrote this kudala, would have loved kuti vamwe baba vaverenge. Well with kids involved I don’t think I even be in the right mind talking to them, i’d rather they deal with a mediator. Ex is old news and should be treated like so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL You can always show him now and he gets to read it himself.
      A go between can become frustrating, trust be I have been there tried that; it’s just best to deal with the person in question and deal with whatever issue is at hand.


  3. This post seems to have more than one topic to me. I like the picture chosen and thought you were talking about friendship especially other women. It then benamel a discussion about boyfriends who still talk with their ex. The question I would ask is would your boyfriend invite you to be there when he visits his ex? If not then don’t trust him. Trust is so important and fragile and apparently he is indifferent to building trust. 35 years of marriage are my credentials.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You paused a very good question there. To answer you I doubt it very much! Most men I know would never introduce their current partner to their exes (so called “friends”) and that’s already reason enough to worry.
      Wow, 35 whole years! You should share a secret or two, I need serious guidance in that department.


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