She didn’t know what it felt like to be in pieces until she tried to fix a broken man.
I have no idea how many times I have tried to talk to you about how difficult it is to continuously make sacrifices for someone other than yourself. With all the talk all you have given me in the past were empty promises. It had to take me going all the way to court and you getting arrested and serving jail time for defaulting Child Maintenance payments to get you to start “taking care” of your daughter. A daughter that you haven’t seen in over a year and yet you claim you love her unconditionally? She stays less than an hour away from you by the way, in case you have forgotten that too. I was tired, so so tired of your selfish behaviour. In the end even though I think the matter was not resolved in a fair manner I am glad this part of my life is over and done with because I have no intentions of ever speaking to you or seeing you for the rest of my natural life.
It’s not going to be easy. Heck, it hasn’t been easy. I look at my pay cheque at the end of each month and try and figure out how I am going to make things work and afford to still pay Miss Kupsy’s school fees, buy her clothes, make sure she has everything a little girl her age needs and still take care of me by the way. I thank God for my parents and siblings, they have been a big help, they are truly heaven sent. Without them I probably would have lost my mind with worry by now. Remember that amount you said you want to be paying in court for Miss Kupsy’s upkeep each month? Biggest joke I have ever heard, but guess what, it will make a difference, better that than nothing at all because I can’t be taking care of EVERYTHING and yet she has BOTH parents.
For some odd reason, Miss Kupsy has stopped asking after you as often as she used to. She does on the rare moments and when she does she asks questions that I don’t even have answers to. There was a time I was worried that she might grow up and think that you didn’t love her. I don’t anymore, I know for a fact that you don’t. I won’t tell her how much of a sorry excuse of a man you are. She will figure that out all by herself at whatever point in her life she decides to look for you. She deserves to see it herself.
What’s the point of this letter? To let you know that I forgive you. I forgive you for wasting my time. I forgive you for being a dead beat father. I forgive you for showing your true colours when it was too late. I forgive you Kudakwashe, I really do.
Sometimes we chain ourselves to people who only hold us back in life and you were clearly one of those people. I missed out on so many opportunities while hoping and wishing that one day you would change, I now know you will not and I have completely accepted it. You are who you are.
I now have peace of mind even though it took years to finally get here I AM FREE. I am happy. I am not bitter. I have allowed love to flow through me again. I am doing a fantastic job of being a loving mother to our daughter.
Stay safe wherever you are, I will include you in a prayer or two because even though you might not be the best decision I ever made; I wish you long life so that you can see just how much of a wonderful girl Kupakwashe is going to turn out to be with or without you.