An Open Letter To Kupakwashe’s Father

She didn’t know what it felt like to be in pieces until she tried to fix a broken man. 

I have no idea how many times I have tried to talk to you about how difficult it is to continuously make sacrifices for someone other than yourself.  With all the talk all you have given me in the past were empty promises.   It had to take me going all the way to court and you getting arrested and serving jail time for defaulting Child Maintenance payments to get you to start “taking care” of your daughter.  A daughter that you haven’t seen in over a year and yet you claim you love her unconditionally? She stays less than an hour away from you by the way, in case you have forgotten that too.  I was tired, so so tired of your selfish behaviour.  In the end even though I think the matter was not resolved in a fair manner I am glad this part of my life is over and done with because I have no intentions of ever speaking to you or seeing you for the rest of my natural life.

It’s not going to be easy.  Heck, it hasn’t been easy.  I look at my pay cheque at the end of each month and try and figure out how I am going to make things work and afford to still pay Miss Kupsy’s school fees, buy her clothes, make sure she has everything a little girl her age needs and still take care of me by the way.  I thank God for my parents and siblings, they have been a big help, they are truly heaven sent.  Without them I probably would have lost my mind with worry by now.  Remember that amount you said you want to be paying in court for Miss Kupsy’s upkeep each month?  Biggest joke I have ever heard, but guess what, it will make a difference, better that than nothing at all because I can’t be taking care of EVERYTHING and yet she has BOTH parents.

For some odd reason, Miss Kupsy has stopped asking after you as often as she used to.  She does on the rare moments and when she does she asks questions that I don’t even have answers to.  There was a time I was worried that she might grow up and think that you didn’t love her.  I don’t anymore, I know for a fact that you don’t.  I won’t tell her how much of a sorry excuse of a man you are.  She will figure that out all by herself at whatever point in her life she decides to look for you.  She deserves to see it herself.

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What’s the point of this letter?  To let you know that I forgive you.  I forgive you for wasting my time.  I forgive you for being a dead beat father.  I forgive you for showing your true colours when it was too late.  I forgive you Kudakwashe, I really do.

Sometimes we chain ourselves to people who only hold us back in life and you were clearly one of those people.  I missed out on so many opportunities while hoping and wishing that one day you would change, I now know you will not and I have completely accepted it.  You are who you are.

I now have peace of mind even though it took years to finally get here I AM FREE.  I am happy.  I am not bitter.  I have allowed love to flow through me again.  I am doing a fantastic job of being a loving mother to our daughter.

Stay safe wherever you are, I will include you in a prayer or two because even though you might not be the best decision I ever made; I wish you long life so that you can see just how much of a wonderful girl Kupakwashe is going to turn out to be with or without you.

 

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MaKupsy

 

 

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28 thoughts on “An Open Letter To Kupakwashe’s Father

  1. I know how much courage it took to not only write this but to also let go of all the anger and bitterness towards Kupsy’s father and I just wanted to say I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! Look at God work in your life!

    Love you girl ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Colleen, it was not easy but it was worth it. Forgiveness truly is a process and I am happy that I finally got the knot that was around my heart untangled, a real breath of fresh air. Love you tonnes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • No he doesn’t he doesn’t even know I have a blog. Information has a way of going round so I am sure one day he will bump into it. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it 🙂

      Like

  2. Pingback: Speak Things Into Existence – MAKUPSY

  3. only read this now but it made my morning..Forgiveness is super hard but the results super amazing..Forgiveness is a bad only you can take care of because it is only you who has the weight on her shoulders. .you are an amazing woman and an amazing mom Miss Kupsy got herself double blessings. .now you got me feeling like listening to Rockabye…lol..here’s to inspiring more mummies and to forgiveness

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for reading. It’s not easy to forgive but when it finally happens it will be worth it.
      I love that Eminem track, now i’m listening to it too 🙂

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  4. they say one of the hardest things is forgiving someone who never apologised but boy is it liberating. I read a novel recently based on a true story by a dutch lady who was arrested during WW2 for aiding jews. Yet in the end she even opened a rehabilitation centre for her opressors. It showed me the true power of letting go and forgiveness. The peace God offers is farrr much better than any grudge you could ever have. I just discovered your blog today by the way. i was initially looking for articles on traditional marriage but a few clicks later and alreaddy on my third hahaha. your piece on suicidal thoughts, ohhhh honey, wont even begin to touch on that one. Attempted the act myself at 17 due to depression after losing my dad and the thoughts have crept up here and there since. your work is beautiful by the way….oh and you had me with the butterfly pic haha i am obsessed with them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww, thank you for stopping by. I’m happy you not only got to read not one but three entire blog posts. Forgiveness is not as easy as it looks but once you do it you feel so much lighter and you wish you had done so earlier.
      I’m sorry to read about losing your dad. I can never imagine the pain you went through. What helped you fight the battle of suicidal thoughts?
      Thank you so much for the lovely words, you have just made my morning. I hope you will come back for more 🙂

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      • I prayed about it a lot and cried out to God, literally lay awake one evening just crying and asking him to take these thoughts away. I came so close to attempting it again one day and I thought of my mom and my siblings and my nieces, how do you explain to a 7 year old little girl that aunty ended her own life. the thought of causing so much pain to my loved ones really hit home. So yahh I prayed and God revealed to me that day that the time i attempted to kill myself back then, its like i opened up a door to those thoughts and to close that door I have to surrender my pain in prayer and choose peace over all else. Its funny saying it all out…typing it rather lolx, but I have never really fully opened up about it. My mom found me passed out on the bathroom floor and had to rush me to the doctor but in all these years I have never told her the truth about what happened that day, its been 8 years now but I just feel it will break her heart to know I had so much going on at that age. Honestly I can’t say I have won the battle because recently I had a serious urge to kill myself again, I am almost 4 months pregnant(unmarried) and I wept at the thought of taking 2 lives at once. I wondered if I would even make it to heaven, where would the baby go? would he/she understand why mommy had to give up so easily. Anyways long story short, Its like being an alcoholic or drug addict, you just have to go through each day as it comes to recover because its actually a serious issue but far worse than substance abuse because no one openly recognizes it.

        Liked by 1 person

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