Marriage – Behind Closed Doors

The following is from the people around me who are currently married and experiencing it firsthand.  I decided to get all the interesting information on married life, from the good, the bad and the ugly side of it.  I will not be using their actual names; I will just give them numbers for the sake of confidentiality.  I made a few comments here and there because it seems I always have something to say.  My comments are in italics.  I noted that the men just get straight to the point, women on the other hand like detail and I guess that makes us unique.

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Husband 1

The Good

  • Companionship
  • Sex on call
  • A home cooked meal everyday
  • Having someone clean after you
  • Having someone do your laundry

The Bad

  • Different people have differences from time to time. I always point out that we all come from different backgrounds and upbringings so there will definitely be differences.
  • Taking care of the bills, eish ha hazvinakidze! unenge uchida kumbozvi spoiler and buy yourself expensive cars, clothes cologne and so on but u can’t because you have a family to take care of.

Husband 2

The Good

  • The Commitment – it’s not about me its about us (family)
  • The communication – you have a second voice. Usually more informed decisions are made when you include someone else in the picture.
  • The Bonding – your sex life has only room to improve
  • Common Goal – the children become the centre of your life

The Bad

  • You can kiss freedom goodbye
  • You start losing your individuality
  • Your spouse wants to do every single thing with you. This doesn’t sound healthy, AT ALL.
  • No more experimenting during sex
  • You have to beg for sex
  • I didn’t marry my soul mate, each day I think about the one that got away

And then I had a chance to speak to two ladies who have been married for a while now and this is what they had to say:

Wife 1

The Good

  • Always having someone to share all of life’s experience with, my husband is literally my other 1/2
  • Stability of not searching for a partner and knowing that there is someone committed to me and our life
  • Support from my husband when things get tough, he encouraged me throughout University as I got my degrees after marriage
  • Raising my child with the father gives me a joy I can’t describe
  • Sex with your one and only who has committed to you in front of God and man is WOW

The Bad

  • In-laws, I have some nasty sister in laws., Daughter in law expectations are high and some of them cannot accept that I cannot cook pamoto ( by the fire)
  • Iinfidelity, now this one hurts, my husband has cheated on me, the pain cannot be put into words and you never quite get over it.  At any given time when the issue of infidelity is brought up I get uncomfortable. It takes away a part of you, like am I not good enough?
  • Then there is HIV/Aids even when you your partner is cheating you can’t use a condom.  This is the one thing that freaks me out about marriage, you will just have to hope and pray that you don’t catch any disease.  Not using protection puts your life at risk.  Unless you put your foot down and insist on protection but it does not sound like it would be an easy thing to even begin to suggest.

Wife 2

The Good

  • I can have sex as and when i want it. Do people love their sex or what???
  • I no longer have to wait eagerly for the next date because we are now staying together
  • Marriage has increased my wisdom because our intellects have been merged by the mere fact that we are now one flesh.
  • Marriage comes with a certain level of respect. My sisters who are over 13years older than me consult me on everything happening in the family be it tombstone unveiling plans, family crisis, the works .This wouldn’t have happened if I was not yet married.
  • Satisfaction, for me marriage is a very big achievement because it is every woman’s dream of which it came true for me. Correction, not every woman, most women, some women don’t even want to get married for reasons best known to them.

The Bad

  • It is not all rosy though you can choose to still stay cosy.
  • Transparency seems one sided monetary wise. I am transparent even with $1 but my husband can lend $a lot of money to someone without my knowledge. My two cents?  Honesty is the best policy.
  • Family interference, this can steal all the plans we have made for ourselves. Plans are usually changed because “mother in law says so”
  • Lack of privacy: I am married to a man whose family is quite big though all of them are married except the last child. They can’t seem to wean each other off.   I had hoped to spend the first 2 years of marriage on our own so that we learn about each other but fat chance, the moment we got back from honeymoon there were people who had already moved in with us.  It is still the case today.  .I love all his relatives and I treat them well but I can do with a little privacy sometimes. Our culture believes in taking care of family, unfortunately when you marry someone you marry everything about them. 
  • Lack of respect from the in laws. They don’t respect my property, they don’t respect our cars, they don’t respect the things that we have worked for.  When someone hasn’t worked for anything they don’t use it with care because they don’t know the sacrifices you make to get to own something.  It really is sad.

There you have it, the life and times of married life.  Of course I still want to get married even after getting to find out about some of the bad sides of marriage. But today is not about me, I wanted to get inside scoop just to be prepared in advance.  I believe that marriage is a blessing, just like having children.  Not everyone will get to be married and live happily ever after but if you do get the chance to find your own way of making it work.

MaKupsy

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17 thoughts on “Marriage – Behind Closed Doors

  1. I keep talking about the time i will get married, so many plans, hopes and dreams..but currently im experiencing a lil, just a tad, of what married life could be like and its got me running away from the idea. Losing my individuality is especially an area of huge concern for me, as well as the freedom to make independent decisions because you know you are doing what’s best for you. It depresses me at times when i think about it, but as we grow we mature, take on new thinkn and understanding and embrace a new life. So here’s to married life (in 5 yrs or so 🙂

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  2. FIRSTLY: When you do the singles post…include me! LOL…
    Anyway, the part about HIV just scares me as well, but in my prayers I always specify that I NEED a faithful man because I’ve had all these cheaters all my life and I’m done with that life I’ve paid my dues…Imagine wakadzikama zvako kumba kwako murume wako okuvigira zvirwere ahhhh no man.

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    • Of course I will, sometime next month thereabout you will definitely be the first person I interview. They say a good man comes from God. I’m glad you are praying about it, because we should always put our hearts desires before God. And some of these men never consider their partner, as long as he has had a good time. I have heard of cases where the husband will be taking his ARV drugs at work without the wife’s knowledge, it’s a cruel world!

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    • I think if you meet the right person, you both love and fear God and have great communication skills Marriage will be the best thing to ever happen to you…. but if you meet someone who has all the negative things you can come up with it will be one place you would soon want to leave.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Husband number 2 and wife 1 hahaha wow.. I want to get married one day but not to the wrong person.. I won’t settle and say the one that got away. Why marry in the first place. It’s weird. But thanks for the views. So awesome.

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    • That’s the thing about marriage. You never know what someone is really like until you actually stay with them. When you are still boyfriend and girlfriend you both go home and obviously put your best foot forward when you are together but once you are under the same roof the true colours come out. 🙂
      Husband number 2 is crazy right, but crazy good because at least he was being honest. As for wife 1, well, inlaws will be inlaws, some are lucky to have amazing ones and the rest well, not so lucky.
      Thank you for reading Vhuvu, I must totally catch up with your blog today.

      Liked by 1 person

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