What Is Love?

“If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can’t afford to be with them.”— Sloane Crosley

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Image from Google

No one will ever know the true definition of love.  I guess everyone has certain things that they feel or expect to be done for them in order to feel that they are in love or are loved.  I for one completely agree with the saying above that if you have to ask then it probably it’s time to reevaluate your relationship/ situationship . This post will have mostly questions instead of answers because as I look around me and watch what is going on I am still puzzled at what it is that love is supposed to be…

Is it love?  When a married man leaves his matrimonial home in the guise of a day out with his boys only for him to go to pay Lobola for his girlfriend? (see why I have trust issues with men?)  I mean, he made a vow to love his wife till the end of time but here he is vowing to love, honour and cherish another woman without his wife’s knowledge? Not only that, some men even go all out and consummate the marriage and have children, sometimes more children than he has at his matrimonial home.  I want to understand who is at fault in this equation; the man for chasing after another woman or the woman for accepting to get into a relationship with a man she knows is married?  But then again sometimes men are not honest and lie that they are single so in other instances you can not entirely blame the woman  because chances are she didn’t even know the man was already committed to someone else.

I realise over time that women want different things.  Some women

  •  want male presence and his marital status is not issue to her as long as he is there for her
  •  want financial security
  •  want someone who will give them children
  •  for some it is merely a hobby of getting someone who doesn’t belong to them
  •  some say they are attracted to married men

Oh well, different strokes for different folks?  Who am I to judge?  I’m just hear to think out loud.

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Image from Google

Is it love?  When a boyfriend continuously cheats on his girlfriend but she stays on because they have been together for the longest time and the fact that he keeps coming back shows that “he loves her” ?  I have read over and over again that a leopard does not change it’s spots so why do some women decide to torture themselves over and over again even though they know that they are achieving the square root of nothing.  I know someone is going to read this and say; but all men cheat!  I would like to believe not all, I am sure there is a handful out there somewhere who put their lustful ways aside and consider the queen in their life and resist temptation.  Those men are out there ladies, why not settle for one like him who will cherish you like you are the only woman in the world??

Is it love?  If you are constantly crying, always complaining to your girlfriends about what he did or did not do?  You keep bumping into messages of conversations with ex girlfriends in his phone, nude photos that he gets from random women, the birthday or anniversary that he forgot, him forgetting to pick you up from work because he was too busy with the boys, you having to rant and rave about why he hasn’t been calling you to check up on you.  I thought when people were in love those things came naturally?  If you have to rant and rave about the smallest of things then maybe just maybe love isn’t being served on that table…How many times do people realise that they are not being treated right and make a decision to leave?  I know, like rarely ever.  People just choose to stay(and complain about it over and over again) and panel beat a relationship that will obviously be going nowhere fast.  I understand that no one is perfect but some of the things that we entertain in this life can be a tad bit ridiculous…all in the name of love.

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Image from Google

Is it love?  If your partner will not go and get tested so that you both know your HIV status?  If he refuses to wear a condom because if you say otherwise then maybe it means you don’t “trust him.”  You would think protecting yourselves from sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and HIV should be a part of your relationship goals right? WRONG, for some to show them how much you love them then questioning about his or sexual history is a non starter.  I personally don’t buy this “trust” business when it comes to sex because you are not with someone 24/7 and there is no way you can tell what they have been up to with their private parts!  If only private parts were detachable.  Why would one put themselves at such a risk?  Yes, we are all going to die some day, believe it or not!  But why get there sooner than your time when you can do something about prolonging your life.  I know I am just ranting here but we all know that after couples have dated for a long time condoms will become extinct but by all means do get tested so that you know where you both stand.  It isn’t love when you have to stay up at night worried out of your skull after a condom breaks and you both have not been tested.  DO NOT DO IT!

I just want to know what love really is.  I have observed and heard too much around me it has only left me knowing what love is not!

Who do you have any love role models in your life?  If yes, what attributes do you admire about their union?

ⒸMaKupsy 2016

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19 thoughts on “What Is Love?

  1. Thank you for this post. But listen to this one;

    I have a friend going through such a situation and she keeps complaining to me saying, ‘But i love him’ that’s why its hard to let go. He says sorry and she’s back in his arms. He will lie to her again and again but she’s still there. He will call her names, talk bad to he. She crys but she is still there. I tell her to take time off from him but she cannot do that. She can’t do it. He tells her that if she leaves, she’s the one who will suffer emotionally because he knows she loves him too much. He threatens her that if she leaves she will never find on like him. All she will always call and complain to me, crying and feeling sorry for herself but she just cannot let go…she says she cant. There’s a point the guy even tells her, ‘am done with you’ even though his the one who’s cheating and he was caught but she will call me and cry and cry. Because she doesn’t want to let him go. She will even call to apologize and beg. He will cheat and tell her, ‘but i love you’ and that comforts her. That makes her feel better, he cheats again, she finds out, ‘i love you’ shes back. He cheats again and the cycle continues.

    People what has my friend been given surely? How do i help her? What do i tell her? Because I try but she doesn’t listen. Sometimes she will see me as the bad one with advice I give her. Is that love? Is that obsession? Will it end? Because I see how my friend hurts. I see how stressed she is. She’s losing focus. She’s forgets to eat. Is she drunk in love or what?

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    • It sounds like your friend is in a real fix but what I can tell you is this…Your friend will move on as and when she is ready. As long as she feels she still “loves him” no amount of advice will let her leave him. It will happen someday and when she looks back she won’t even understand why she put herself through such a toxic relationships.
      Be patient with her, listen to her complaints and be the good friend you can be, it’s not going to be easy for both of you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have about 4 different married couples from church that are my role models when it comes to love and marriage… They really married their best friends and it taught me to never underestimate the power of laying a foundation of being friends first rather than just jumping straight into it.. We live in a world where almost everything is instant but some things require you to be “old school” and know and establish a friendship with a person.
    Allow me to say this.. It’s not always about being physical that says you’re in a healthy relationship. Sitting down and actually talking and listening to each other creates an unspeakably amazing bond and thus love is born.. I could go on but this was a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I couldn’t agree more. I once read somewhere that you should marry your friend because love will fade at some point but friendship stands the test of time 🙂
      Friendship makes everything make more sense because you can talk about most things and we all know the importance of communication in both friendships and relationships.
      I agree, things are on a fast pace now, it’s rare to be with someone who wants to slow down and smell the roses.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For me to love is to give.
    Simple as that, if a person loves you they give you their time, attention, loyalty, trust, heart, they are not afraid to share their life with you. Their dreams, visions, fears… Everything.
    Love is an exchange.
    It’s a conscious decision that a person makes everyday to choose you and you alone.
    Love is complex, yet simple.

    My love role models are my Pastors at church. We have 4 different couples and they are all smitten. After over 10 years of marriage for all of them. Their companionship is to die for. You could take away everyone on earth and they would be fine with just each other.
    They are best friends and Lord knows I pray for such too.

    A love that is priceless. From someone who isn’t afraid to give.

    I mean, even God so loved the world He gave…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Amazing! I had never looked at love in this way:
      ” if a person loves you they give you their time, attention, loyalty, trust, heart, they are not afraid to share their life with you. Their dreams, visions, fears… Everything.
      Love is an exchange.”
      I want to have this kinda love in my life and I pray that one day I will write a blog and be able to share just how much this comment shaped the way I look at love.
      Thanks for sharing honey 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I used to think I didn’t believe in love; I mean after so many disappointments with men you just wish you could switch off the love button but we are human so we do fall in love. When love happened for me after years of being cynical, it was to the most unlikely person; someone who didn’t even tick all the boxes of what I considered to be my type. How did I know it was love? Because I knew we could not be together (long distance is a no-no for me) and I was willing to let him go and he did the same.But our feelings didn’t die in fact they grew stronger.So we discovered love is not sex for us; its not physical type or attraction. We simply feel a deep connection,no one makes me laugh quite like he does; he is himself with me and i with him…etc. But we also know that we are not perfect. There is a reason why Corinthians 13 speaks of love being patient; never gives up and never keeps a record of wrongs. It is because with love comes sacrifice and only real love is worth that sacrifice. When you find it you will know.

    All the examples you gave are lacking the unconditional aspect of love. These people are lying and deceiving their partners. That is not real love but it may be that people are so used to the idea of being in love than actually being in love. Its sad really

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this GG just the thing I needed to read to start my day. 🙂
      For most people long distance is a downright no because like you said the first thing that comes to mind is sex, what will happen with sex if that person is so far away. But guess what, if you meet the right person like you said, someone who “makes love to your mind” what more could a girl ask for?
      I have also noticed that we miss out on The One because we always have a checklist on how the perfect guy is supposed to be like and when we meet someone who genuinely loves us unconditionally they pass us by…because of that checklist.
      Tell you what, I have learnt something valuable from you “Love is patient”.
      The examples are real and I think until such a time someone realises they are worthy and deserve to be with someone who truly loves them for who they are people will continue to find themselves in unbalanced relationships.
      Have a lovely weekend ahead.

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  5. Awesome post; written so well. I have no answers, but have thought about many of the same things. As some of these related topics become norms in society it’s taking us down as a whole at incredible rates.

    “If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can’t afford to be with them.”— Sloane Crosley
    Great quote. Some people don’t even know what love is I think. Often they were raised in cold homes or are spiritually broken by life’s events and just can’t relate to what we consider normal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My thoughts exactly! For most people what love is and what their language of love is is something that they don’t even know; so when someone shows them a bit of affection it automatically translates to “being in love.”
      I guess most people are not taking time to get to know themselves to find out what love means to them.
      I hope that one day I will figure out this relationship thing but I do know what I don’t want love to translate to.
      Thanks for reading Scott, always great to hear your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t know what love is, but some guy once said “the most basic human instinct is self preservation.” I believe that when you truly love someone, you abandon your most basic human instinct for them, you are concerned with their preservation. Therefore you do not intentionally and repeatedly do things that hurt them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • WOW wise words! I have to agree with you on this one. When you are in love you are in a vulnerable state, if you can be yourself completely then you know cupid had struck you 🙂

      Like

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