“If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can’t afford to be with them.”— Sloane Crosley
No one will ever know the true definition of love. I guess everyone has certain things that they feel or expect to be done for them in order to feel that they are in love or are loved. I for one completely agree with the saying above that if you have to ask then it probably it’s time to reevaluate your relationship/ situationship . This post will have mostly questions instead of answers because as I look around me and watch what is going on I am still puzzled at what it is that love is supposed to be…
Is it love? When a married man leaves his matrimonial home in the guise of a day out with his boys only for him to go to pay Lobola for his girlfriend? (see why I have trust issues with men?) I mean, he made a vow to love his wife till the end of time but here he is vowing to love, honour and cherish another woman without his wife’s knowledge? Not only that, some men even go all out and consummate the marriage and have children, sometimes more children than he has at his matrimonial home. I want to understand who is at fault in this equation; the man for chasing after another woman or the woman for accepting to get into a relationship with a man she knows is married? But then again sometimes men are not honest and lie that they are single so in other instances you can not entirely blame the woman because chances are she didn’t even know the man was already committed to someone else.
I realise over time that women want different things. Some women
- want male presence and his marital status is not issue to her as long as he is there for her
- want financial security
- want someone who will give them children
- for some it is merely a hobby of getting someone who doesn’t belong to them
- some say they are attracted to married men
Oh well, different strokes for different folks? Who am I to judge? I’m just hear to think out loud.
Is it love? When a boyfriend continuously cheats on his girlfriend but she stays on because they have been together for the longest time and the fact that he keeps coming back shows that “he loves her” ? I have read over and over again that a leopard does not change it’s spots so why do some women decide to torture themselves over and over again even though they know that they are achieving the square root of nothing. I know someone is going to read this and say; but all men cheat! I would like to believe not all, I am sure there is a handful out there somewhere who put their lustful ways aside and consider the queen in their life and resist temptation. Those men are out there ladies, why not settle for one like him who will cherish you like you are the only woman in the world??
Is it love? If you are constantly crying, always complaining to your girlfriends about what he did or did not do? You keep bumping into messages of conversations with ex girlfriends in his phone, nude photos that he gets from random women, the birthday or anniversary that he forgot, him forgetting to pick you up from work because he was too busy with the boys, you having to rant and rave about why he hasn’t been calling you to check up on you. I thought when people were in love those things came naturally? If you have to rant and rave about the smallest of things then maybe just maybe love isn’t being served on that table…How many times do people realise that they are not being treated right and make a decision to leave? I know, like rarely ever. People just choose to stay(and complain about it over and over again) and panel beat a relationship that will obviously be going nowhere fast. I understand that no one is perfect but some of the things that we entertain in this life can be a tad bit ridiculous…all in the name of love.
Is it love? If your partner will not go and get tested so that you both know your HIV status? If he refuses to wear a condom because if you say otherwise then maybe it means you don’t “trust him.” You would think protecting yourselves from sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and HIV should be a part of your relationship goals right? WRONG, for some to show them how much you love them then questioning about his or sexual history is a non starter. I personally don’t buy this “trust” business when it comes to sex because you are not with someone 24/7 and there is no way you can tell what they have been up to with their private parts! If only private parts were detachable. Why would one put themselves at such a risk? Yes, we are all going to die some day, believe it or not! But why get there sooner than your time when you can do something about prolonging your life. I know I am just ranting here but we all know that after couples have dated for a long time condoms will become extinct but by all means do get tested so that you know where you both stand. It isn’t love when you have to stay up at night worried out of your skull after a condom breaks and you both have not been tested. DO NOT DO IT!
I just want to know what love really is. I have observed and heard too much around me it has only left me knowing what love is not!
Who do you have any love role models in your life? If yes, what attributes do you admire about their union?