The moment a friend tells me that they’re getting married I get very happy for them because for most women marriage doesn’t come easy. If you meet a guy who loves you enough to wife you up then happy days for you; if not, well, we will do an entire blog post on that at a later date. In our culture you first pay lobola and then have a court wedding or white wedding or not, whatever tickles your fancy really but to be official you need to get the lobola thing going.
I used to be baffled when it came to people not telling you when their boyfriend was going to pay lobola for them. I have three or four “friends” who only told me on the actual day their lobola was being paid. It left me questioning our friendship. If we are supposed to be that close and that happy for each other why would you tell me on the very day of your big day? I once concluded that it’s their way of letting you know that you’ve been left behind in the world of singledom so they just want to give you a quick surprise for you before they carry on into their married life. Then I grew up and realised that it’s not everyone that will be happy for you when good things happen to you, your so-called friends included so yes, it’s a very complex issue.
As the story continues…
Then we get excited about their wedding day if they go on the white wedding route. I help out when I can with the planning, the ideas for the venue, decoration; most of the time they complain about the in-laws who are making things impossible, we go through dresses, we think of a playlist the whole shebang. My phone is always on the charger because she needs help with this or that and we are constantly in touch. It actually feels like my wedding by the time I go to sleep because of the levels of fatigue but I won’t be complaining because that’s what friends do right? Right! You help each other through good and bad times even though at this point I start feeling like an underpaid wedding planner.
The big day finally arrives and guess what has happened to me in the past for some of my “friends” weddings.
Friend 1. I was sent an invite to the wedding, oh happy days, even though I am not such a huge fan of weddings.
Friend 2.I got to be a bridesmaid for the first time and I had a fabulous time because the wedding reception was short and sweet and we wore some pretty delicious colours on the day. Who would have thought purple and gold would rock?!
Friend 3. I never heard from her again. A few days before her wedding she went cold turkey on me. I knew the venue of her wedding which was out of town by the way but she never sent me a wedding invite so there was no way I was going to just rock up at her wedding uninvited. I am not about that gatecrashing a wedding life. Some friend huh?
So… now some of my friends are married. Remember we used to talk all the time? I have noted that a few weeks after they get married they go missing in action. I ask myself if they are happy, sad, overwhelmed, enjoying their honeymoon phase or just don’t want to be associated with a single someone. Please do not get me wrong, I am not the jealous type but the I wonder what’s up type.
The moment they are married they just snub me and I never hear from them again. Is it a thing that married women do or it’s a thing that I get dished out from my “friends” only? Does marriage really take such a toll on an individual that you forget about your friends or at least those who considered you their friend? Do you honestly expect me to respond to your message at the speed of lighting the moment you finally decide to communicate with me?
Like what the actual f&%k is up with that??!!