I see this topic almost everyday on my Twitter Timeline. For a minute there I tried not to share my 2 cents on the topic but the opinionated me just couldn’t let this one slide anymore. I have mixed feelings on the topic so you can be the judge of where I exactly stand at the end of this piece. Just thinking about building is exhausting now just imagine building a whole entire human being! I like to use examples, I have been through the most when it comes to relationships(thanks to bad decision making) I always have a point of reference.
I once wrote about this guy some years ago, he is ex number four. I worked on this guy like a real actual project! I did a complete makeover. Changed how he dressed, showed him how I liked to be treated; insert coffee dates, dinners, random lunches, flowers, gifts, even made sure I had bills covered because I understood that he was going through a rough patch so being the loving girlfriend that I was I made sure all was well. Lesson number 1, DO NOT go around taking care of these grown ass men please because guess what, we broke up anyway and he moved on and started making sure he was paying the bills and making sure his new girlfriend was well taken care of. Guys!! This is not even a laughing matter but I am laughing anyways. Like what the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I housing a grown ass man and giving him free lessons on how to be a great guy only for him to leave and be Prince Charming to the next woman? Allow me to laugh at myself some more. This thing we call love can really play with our senses.
I don’t think we can call this one an exhibit but seeing that I already have a heading with that let’s just play along. I remember the stories most of our parents used to tell us when we were growing up. About how they started of with nothing but ended up with beautiful families, cars and houses. I admire them very much, I really do; but I think times have changed for us. Back then it was okay to start off from the bottom but now both men and women want a “finished product” so to speak. How many are willing to start from scratch with someone who has zero vision? Definitely not me! These days it’s not just the men who have a checklist, even women now want a man with certain things and are not willing to back down on them. Things like he has to at least have his own place, he should drive, not have a bunch of baby mamas, must be well traveled…the list is endless really depending on the individual. I for one will tell you that a man who can not cook risks chances of not dating me because let’s be honest, there is nothing as sexy as a man who can whip up a fire meal!
This is not to say that some people who have actually built their man up did not live happily ever after, they actually did and it’s beautiful to hear about these stories. I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend when we were 18 and over a decade later they are still together, they even got married! They used to have some major differences but because they loved each other and they had a mutual end goal things worked out well for them and now they are happily married.
My thoughts in a nutshell? I think that love is a gamble. You can win or lose when it comes to relationships. You can do everything in your power to make sure things work out but sometimes your best isn’t good enough and someone will leave. I have also come to the realisation that no one sings the song of “Build Your Woman Up”!! My advice, if you have put in the work and the next person decides they want to leave. Refuse to be dumped. Like seriously, after investing your time, efforts and mind banging sex someone tells you it’s over. Say no, it’s not happening, we are in this till the end. Show up at their doorstep with breakfast the next day like everything is normal. LOL, okay, that’s not very great advice and please don’t follow it. Take heart; building someone up might be the best or worst thing that might ever happen to you. It really is about the two of you in the end.
What are your thoughts on the topic? Have you been in a situation where you gave it your all but it crumbled before your very own eyes. Let’s talk.