I have a serious bone to chew with whoever comes up with some of these things. Don’t get me wrong I am all for taking care of your other half but lately I have been wondering. Who takes care of the woman once a couple gets married? Our culture expects the woman to bend and break for her husband. From cooking, cleaning, making sure the house is in order, being intimate with him as many times as she can take it, taking care of the children, showing up for funerals, family functions, taking in in-laws…the list is endless. In all this you are bound to ask yourself what the man will be doing in this equation. The answer is easy really. He will be sitting in front of the TV watching who knows what and relaxing all day long. Basically the man does nothing. Before you get all worked up it’s obvious its not ALL MEN who are like that, but in our culture most men are.
I am going to keep this post as short as possible so that it doesn’t turn into a man bashing rant. What I would like to know is who is taking care of the woman in all this? After a long days work she is expected to get home, prepare supper, make sure the children have done their homework and a whole list of other things married people do. Would it kill the husband to actually cook once in a while if he got home before the wife? If he isn’t much of a cook maybe pile up the dishes nicely, boil the meat, chops onions and tomatoes (do something) so that when the wife gets home she can start from somewhere and not feel like a slave who has to wait hand and foot for her husband. Maybe my way of thinking is crazy but it would make the world a better place if people worked as a team. Heck, women get tired too they are not energizer bunnies who just keep going and going.
I know a man who is reading this and saying to himself “But I pay all the bills around the house and she doesn’t have to worry about the financial side of things” Well yes, thank you for doing a great job mister, but it’s not always about the money. It’s about the small things that make a woman feel a whole lot more appreciated for everything she does.
Our culture has a long way to go… If by any chance a man is seen by his friends or relatives helping around the house (there are very few of these by the way) he is considered weak and chances are his wife fed him a love potion so that he can do as she pleases with him. Wrong thinking right there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing tasks. It actually makes for a better home and chances of getting more sex because “I am tired” won’t be featuring in the wife’s’ list of excuses.
Teamwork people teamwork!
But then again, I’m not married, what would I know about the ins and outs of a marriage? It wouldn’t hurt to consider it though, I am sure your wife would be happy to see you do something to make tasks around the house a little easier.
What are your honest thoughts on this subject? I know not everyone will agree with my line of thinking so I would love to hear from you.
©MaKupsy 2017
MAKUPSY 
I totally appreciate this post. Society and patriarchal values have placed a lot of burden on women. Religion equally places emphasis on the model proverbs 31 woman hence the need to ascribe to such defined standards places an overwhelming burden on women. It’s a shame you can’t be to the left or liberal with the way society ingrained these roles and standards . I was raised by women and trust me I appreciate and understand women more than I understand men. I empathize with womenfolk and I believe one day society will emancipate women from the gender yoke.
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Ohh no! Imagine throwing in Proverbs 31 into the mix! It’s not going to change anytime soon…
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I know right? The irony however is that the Proverbs 31 woman had maids… not just one… maids!!! And women here are considered lazy if they have help… we’re reading that passage wrong… so so wrong!!
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I didn’t even know she had maids, now that I do, people will not hear the end of it! L.O.L
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Thanks so much for sending me this link. You did a great job.
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Girl you have nailed the coffin on this one. Women are expected to be superwomen and that is not realistic. You are a team there to help each other
Like you said do something, effort is all that matters, its not 50:50 but 100:100 each person giving their all. Men must move with the times. Helping your wife hakusi kiudyiswa aiwa, it means you love her and you care abt her wellbeing.
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Amen! Her physical and emotional well being. Let’s be realistic, women get tired to and if we are supposed to portray a united front let’s work together. Thank you for reading T and thank you for the feedback 🙂
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I’ll only be echoing those who have commented before me but you really have addressed this perfectly! My immediate guess would be patriarchy, and the value it once placed upon women. I’m not married either but boy does it annoy me to see so many women break their backs for their family/partners and not get any helping hand. I sure as well would like one when I’m married myself. Like you said, we’re not robots and we too get absolutely exhausted. People (esp men) underestimate how much effort and energy goes into running a household and not only that, but usually doing it without complaining. We have a long way to go to changes their cultural values! Great post!
Faye x
https://cultureeighteen.wordpress.com/
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I don’t know why society assumes that women don’t have feelings. The same way men feel exhausted is the exact same way women feel. Team work really goes a long way and I feel that if we start teaching our children how to take care of themselves and the household whether boy or girl we would have instilled some values that will live on to be passed onto the next generation. Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts Faye, I will be sure to check out your blog as well.
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Exactly! Couldn’t have said it better, it’s so frustrating. Raise both girls and boys with the same set of expectations and responsibilities so when they are adults/married/partners, they have those values with theme. No worries at all, loved the post! And thank you x
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Where are you from? I guess this is very dependent on culture. Here, people get married pretty late and the wife usually works away from home. Both partners help with housework and such. But I realize that’s not the case everywhere!
Kathrin — http://mycupofenglishtea.wordpress.com
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Hello Kathrin, I am from Zimbabwe. This part of the world most men do not believe in doing house chores. Thank you for taking time to read through my post 🙂
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I see – I’m sure the culture is very different there. It’s always so interesting to learn about other countries and how things are done there.
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I absolutely agree. Burdening women with the bulk of the work is an acceptable practice even outside romantic relationships. Women who behave like camels are praised and if you even show an ounce of defiance you’ll be reprimanded. That’s why women end up doing the lifting for any and every man, are invited to parties and end up being the help, go to clean and cook for their male friends despite already carrying a lot on their shoulders. We definitely need help as well and we should be able to reach out for it without being dubbed weak.
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I used to be that woman who would bend and break to make sure everyone around me was okay where house work was concerned. Not anymore, I am human too and I can’t do it all on my own. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, I hope society will be more accommodating and start seeing women as people too.
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I so agree. It’s on both sides I’ve seen as well. A friend of mine told me that her tete (husband’s aunt) told her that a wife “never tires” and is “never angry.” She had the common sense to rubbish that advice, but who else does? Because vatete said this, they feel under pressure to please his family, and they feel obligated to do everything. Which brings me to the second side… they feel under pressure to do everything, that if the partner tries to help, if he “does it wrong”, they’ll tell him off or stop him from doing it, and do it themselves. We also need to get rid of the internal and external pressure, and ask for the help we need. And when we get it, know that it’s okay that it was done in a different way from how we would’ve done it.
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Thank you for reading Rutendo 🙂 Hmmm our tetes put us through the most! I am at that age in my life where I really don’t worry about society’s opinions. If I don’t feel like doing house chores that’s just how it is. Take it or leave it.
I do agree with you, women have been so conditioned to think that getting help from a partner shows weakness on our behalf. I hope that mentality will change sooner rather than later.
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