How To Lose A Great Guy

One of the main reasons I started blogging was because of a guy.  I had caught feelings so bad I thought they were going to suffocate me in my sleep and I would die without him ever knowing it.  Fast forward to a few months after posting that blog we started dating.  Please note he had not seen that post because it was the only post I had made so thankfully nature took its natural course.

However, this was going to be a long distance relationship.  He worked out of the country and he would only come home twice a year.  We spoke about the challenges we would face where distance was concerned and given that he worked on a cruise ship it meant that the greater part of the time I would not get to speak to him over the phone because most times he would be at sea.  When you are in love you think everything will be a walk in the park.  We made promises to each other before he left and everything was bliss.

long-distance-relationship-advice

Image from Google

The first few weeks were manageable.   We got to communicate through WhatsApp every other day and each time I saw his name pop up on my screen my face would light up.  I was at that point I would get upset if anyone else tried to send me a message because I only wanted to hear from him.

Weeks turned into months and communication was getting less and less because he had to work.  At first I played the understanding girlfriend, after all I already knew what I had signed myself up for beforehand.  I kept myself busy with other activities and tried not to obsess over carrying my phone around everywhere in case he tried getting in touch with me.  When I didn’t hear from weeks I started feeling blue.  I remember sending a message to my friend and telling her that I wasn’t okay and I was missing my boyfriend so much.  She reassured me that all would be okay and as soon as he was free he would definitely get in touch with me.

It’s not easy when someone who means the world to you is miles away and you can’t do anything but wait to hear from him.  The most I could do was email him and you can only send so many emails before you start sounding obsessive.  I had to wait…Eventually he would get time to chat and Voice Messages have never sounded so precious.  I felt better again and I was back to my happy self.

I really fought the feeling of ending things.  I was getting more and more frustrated by the day.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love him, I did but my language of love is Quality Time and in order to feel closely connected to my partner I have to spend time with him.  That wasn’t happening; not that I didn’t know it wasn’t going to be happening but I didn’t realise it would be so hard!  Why did I even get myself into this?  Oh yes, LOVE.

I ended up sending him a message telling him I was unhappy and that the relationship was over.  (My heart was breaking as I typed every single word to him).  He only got the message a few days after I sent it and he never replied.  That was the most regrettable thing I have done to date.  A part of me wanted to send another message telling him I didn’t mean what I had said.  I really didn’t but I think I was just longing for his attention and I went about it the wrong way!  I knew his schedule and I knew he would be back home in a few weeks so I assured myself that he would surely visit when he arrived and say something; anything.

The moment he landed in Zimbabwe he came to see me!

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Image from Google

That was the longest hug I had ever given him, it was heartfelt and I genuinely had missed him tonnes.  Everyone in the office was saying hi to him because they knew him from visits he would make when he was around.  I have never felt so much relief, in my head I thought him coming to see me was a good sign.  He picked me up after work and we went for a drive.  We talked about everything, his travels, my fitness obsession, he was shocked at the amount of weight I had lost since the last time we had seen each other.

After avoiding the real issue at hand he finally told me that he had come to see me because he wanted us to remain in good books even after things had not gone well between us.   He told me he had seen my message and he had been saddened because he thought we were going to work out.  He also said that he was not one to push if I had made up my mind he was not going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted out.  At this point in my head I was screaming noooooo, that wasn’t what it was I just wanted your attention I didn’t mean to break up with you! I really lost out on a good thing.  He was a great guy but I was childish about putting my feelings across.  Once he was done talking I just said it was okay and we went on to have dinner and he dropped me off at home.

We spoke a few times after that, he even went all out to make my birthday super special.   When he left the country that time around he only sent me a message to tell me he was leaving and when he arrived on the other side of the world he sent another message and that was the last time I heard from him.  I missed him, I missed him so much until I had to change my phone number because I knew I was never going to hear from him again.

The motive of this story?  Do not break up with someone unless you really feel that you want out.  Hoping that the next person will come running and begging for you to take them back or make it work might not actually happen.  You will end up single and miserable and wishing you had not sent that message or made that phone call. If you are really over someone tell them in person because that from what I have learnt shows maturity.

Have you been in a situation like this before?

I want to know from the guys, have you taken someone back after she told you she didn’t want to be with you anymore?

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

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19 thoughts on “How To Lose A Great Guy

  1. i am so much certain a lot would have been done to save this relationship, for example fron the onset you knew that was going to happen and ypou allowed your heart to follow it, its a pity a technological blackout stroke both of you but in this day and age it could work if he wasnt in the sea. But why didnt you wait for him to come and discuss? why did you breakup with him over a phone, who does that?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I did that. You are not even helping the situation I still feel bad about it years later. I was naive and immature and I guess he didn’t want it bad enough or I didn’t fight for it or simply put it wasn’t meant to be.

      Like

  2. Long distance relationships are never easy. Once again, thanks for sharing- this here happens to most LDR’s but some get the chance to mend things. LDR’s require commitment from both parties & I’m one to never tell anyone it’s not possible because it failed for me at some point. Truth is it can work, but it’s a joint effort & obviously there must be a pending solution to end the distance- which will be the vision point to keep both of you going.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I couldn’t agree more. At the end of the day there has to be an end game otherwise it will be a complete waste of time. Like one of my readers mentioned; in this time of technology we could have had a chance to make it work somehow but we failed each other. Lessons learned I guess.
      Thank you for the sound advice, I hope someone out there will take notes and make sure they come out of an LDR with a happy ending 🙂

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  3. God! I did this exact same thing some months ago. It crushed me I’m still healing. Its good reading through this, learning n knowing that it aint just me. Good read.
    Touche😊👍

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know that saying “There is nothing new under the sun”? As you get older you realize its true. Whatever you go through, someone ,somewhere in this world has been through it too.
      I hope you feel better soon and have peace knowing it happens to most women.
      Thanks for reading 😙

      Like

  4. Omg I almost lost the most amazing man I know a couple of months ago because of this. I thank God cos he decided my craziness was worth sticking around for. I am so sorry u lost a great guy and it sucks to still think about munhu wacho after all these years. The great thing tho is u learnt a lesson. Next great guy that comes along you will know what to do 😘. Making feel like blogging about my experience too

    Like

    • We go some of the craziest feelings us women and too many times we act out on them…bad idea. At least I’m not alone with my crazy.
      😂😂
      Keep your guy safe great guys are hard to find.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. An interesting post, in a way kinda helps me understand how the other side thinks…. women and men are from two different worlds sometimes maybe all the time even
    So I met this one person whose crazy totally matched mine and we would be together forever and then out of the blue her scholarship application came through ….. yey! Right. Suddenly you thrown into a long distance relationship you dont know you are quite ready for but hey stupid in love right…
    I lived for the moments her name popped up on my notifications even if it was just a purple heart emoji (one of my favourite for no reason at all)
    anyway messages got less and less and calls even less than less and one day while stalking her FB feed she had liked this post about how all long distance relationships are doomed to fail. Brutal honesty??? My mind gets into over drive I am thinking okaaaay so she thinks we not going to go the distance, error number one I didnt ask about it instead I guess I must have sulked about it, spoke less and less one word messages and all
    until I got…..
    The Text The message is still burned into my head I remember it word for word… anyhoo I think I just replied OK and we was all broken up
    I was thinking why fight for something that she clearly doesn’t want right?…. wrong.
    we friends on facebook and Istill die a little each time she updates her profile picture *sigh*
    I forget the moral of this comment… and just given myself chesties

    ~B

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    • Ahh, sending you cyber hugs. This thing called long distance is not easy but if both parties are willing to put in the time and work it will have a beautiful ending.
      Don’t get chesties, just tell yourself it was a lesson learned. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. thank you for sharing this..I went through a similar situation. At the time when i sent the text it was out of frustration because the fact that the relationship was not progressing. I remember the immediate guilt and second guessing of my decision and it didn’t help that he did nothing to convince me otherwise.i think everyone goes through that no matter how sure you are of breaking up with someone, there is that hope for a split second that he or she will fight for the relationship one more time. I couldn’t understand why i was so upset over making a decision which i thought at the time was the best thing for me. The feelings dont go away immediately and the immediate separation from someone i had fallen in love with hurt sooo much. I eventually sought the help of therapy and 3 months later i can say that If i was given the chance to do it again, i would have probably still broken up with him perhaps not in the manner in which i did it because at that particular moment i was so unhappy and hanging on only hurt me more and I had no more fight in me.i had to connect with what i was feeling at the moment and that helped me come to terms with everything. At the end of the day relationships only work when everyone is on the same page and it takes a lot to actually realise and make that decision that it is no longer working for you. Be that as it may, if there is still something to work on dont give up 🙂

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  7. I can relate to sending the break up message but I can’t relate to the part when the guy comes to see me after that and I don’t tell him I’ve changed my mind and I wanna work things out. I don’t know how to keep my feelings to myself, I feel something I give it a voice, I expose it. I would have taken the risk of possible rejection, but I would not be able to not tell him how I feel.

    This was very interesting and being the hopeful romantic I am, I had a light chest pains that you just let him walk away just like that. Now I’m thinking…is there still hope ? Is he still on the cruise ships? Has that ship really sailed? Excuse the pun.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha Bianca you are funny, that pun had me. I guess sometimes you just know that something is over. There is no need to keep hoping and wishing.

      I love how you are outspoken about how you feel. It makes your life a whole lot easier. It’s best to let someone know where you stand instead of wondering “What if”.

      Thank you for reading and are you still blogging?

      Like

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