5 Tricks That Changed My Attitude Towards My African Hair

I haven’t always had a beautiful love affair with my African hair.  At some point I thought it was the most difficult part of my body.  Nothing I did worked and I was left frustrated.  I bought and tried out products I saw other black women using on social media platforms and still no joy.  I decided to give my hair a big chop to start all over.  It’s only then that I was fortunate to bump into hair events and these changed my attitude towards my hair forever.

My Natural Hair MaKupsy.jpg

MaKupsy

  1. Massaging your scalp helps with hair growth, blood circulation and opening your pores.  It’s important that you take enough time massaging your scalp, 5 minutes or more will do the trick depending on how much time you have.
  2. Wash day doesn’t have to be a nightmare.  The reason you sometimes ended up having a killer headache after a new hairdo was because I was doing everything at once.  Instead, undo your hair today, shampoo it tomorrow and then get the style of your choice the next day.  This routine will leave your scalp feeling happy.
  3. You don’t have to shampoo your hair each time you wash it.  Sometimes a co-wash (conditioner wash only) is all you need to leave your hair with an extra layer of moisture.
  4. A woman should have a signature look.  Choose at least two hairstyles that work for you and don’t give you a headache when its time to get your hair done.  My signature look is the image above, it’s usually done in under 30 minutes giving me time to get on with other important things.  When I undo this style my hair is tangle free and straightened.
  5. Find out what your hair type is and you can kiss confusion goodbye.  The reason my hair regime never seemed to work out was because I didn’t know what to or not to do to it.  My hair type is 4c and two things work for it.  Moisture and coconut oil.  I no longer waste time and money on things that have nothing to do with my hair and have more money for wine 🙂

My relationship with my hair right now is amazing.  I’ve accepted that I won’t have long that flows all the way to my bum.  Instead I’ll enjoy thick bouncy hair that will look like candy floss after a wash and blow and completely shrink by the time the day ends and that’s perfectly okay.

Do you have a hair care routine, if yes, what works for you and how long have you been keeping your hair for?

Here are 3 more posts on hair that you’ll also enjoy reading;

Who Are You To Police My Hair?

Dreadlocks Love Affair

My Hair Grows Towards Heaven

©MaKupsy 2019

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I Want To Know What Love Is

“Love is no what you say.  Love is what you do.”

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Image from Pinterest

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is the solid fact that we love differently.  You might think you’re going above and beyond to show your partner how much they mean to you; meanwhile they’re receiving “no signal” at all.  Today’s post will have more questions than answers because I too am still trying to figure out what love is supposed to be.

Why do you think some women have trust issues when it comes to men?

I’ve heard of stories were a married man leaves his matrimonial home in the guise of a day out with his boys only for him to go to pay Lobola for his girlfriend? This is someone who made a vow to love his wife till the end of time.  Which part of this vow said that he can secretly love another woman?  Is it true then that you can love more than one person or it’s a matter of greed?  I’ve always wondered if men who go on to have more than one wife are able to fully satisfy them?  It’s already a tall order pleasing one woman now imagine the amount of stress you’ll invite into your life with more than one of them?

Break up to make up

Have you ever been with a partner who continuously cheats on you but you find yourself sticking it through with them for reasons that seem not so bad when you tell them to yourself;

  • the sex is amazing
  • they’re your comfort zone, they’ve been in your life forever
  • you lost their virginity to them
  • what will people say after dating for so long
  • you love them
  • they’ll change you just have to make sure you change a thing or two to keep them happy

Does a leopard change it’s skin?  Why do you choose to put yourself through things that you know will achieve the square root of nothing?  This person already knows that you’re going to take them back no matter what they do to hurt you.  Love yourself and do the right thing; let them go.

Different relationship goals

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Image from Google

I remember breaking up with someone I was madly in love with a couple of years ago because he wouldn’t come with me to go get tested to find out our HIV status.  Almost everything was ticking all the boxes until he started coming up with stories not to go to the clinic.  We’re living in a time were people are more concerned about how many people their partner has been with instead of knowing their sexual history.  Protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and HIV should be top priority.  Don’t buy this bullshit of “but I trust you babe” let’s just have sex without a condom line.  Never trust people, just because you’re sleeping with them doesn’t mean you’re the only one they’re sleeping with.  Remember that!?

You’re probably reading this and thinking we’re all going to die some day so let’s live our best lives.  To be honest; I just want to know why you want to get there sooner than your time when you can do something about protecting your peace and your health.

I just want to know what love is.  Do you think you can help me define it?

ⒸMaKupsy 2019

I Left Zimbabwe For A Better Life

I can’t keep living in Zimbabwe. This country brings fresh horrors that I can’t seem to keep up with anymore.  I’m mentally exhausted.  I never used to think about it as much as I do now but it’s time I made solid plans to relocate.  One can only take so much and I’ve reached my breaking point.

I asked friends on social media to share their positive experiences that came from leaving Zimbabwe.  I think you have to gather as much information as you can before taking the big leap of faith.

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I never planned on leaving Zimbabwe.  I had been self employed for a year after my contract was not renewed.  Out of mere chance I bumped into a job post advertised in South Africa,  I took a chance, sent my resume and to my surprise, I got the job!  The move was cushioned by the company including a relocation allowance in addition to facilitating a Visa.  If that company hadn’t provided all this, I didn’t see myself moving out of Zimbabwe, I would probably still be there and going through the everyday struggles.  This move has expanded my view of the African continent as I’ve lived and worked in 3 countries now.  One thing is certain I still miss food from home, especially the meat. – Business Development Manager, Africa. Age: 38

I’m originally from the lush green suburbs of Bulawayo.  I come from a well off background where I was blessed to have parents that could take my siblings and I all over the world and afford good schools. Fast track to present day and life is the complete opposite.  Zimbabwe’s situation has gone from the frying pan to the fire.  I left University and  struggled to get a job even though I was qualified.  The moment I got a job opportunity to leave the country I held onto it tightly.  I relocated to the Middle East in January 2019 and here I’m relieved and at peace because I have access to basic things.  I have water that comes out of the tap each and every time I switch it on, electricity, health care, money I can withdraw from a bank or ATM and a sustainable salary.  I still miss Zimbabwe a lot, I love my country but I definitely will not be settling back home anytime soon.  – Personal Trainer, Qatar : 28

After graduating with an Honours Degree in History and International Relations  in 2014, I was beaming with hope of finding a job soon and living the “good life”.  By mid 2015 it dawned on me that it was all wishful thinking so I enrolled for Master’s and bagged my International Relations qualification in 2016.  Still no jobs in sight.  A very close friend sponsored a trip to leave the country for a while just to catch a break in Cape Town for 2 weeks.  I decided to start 2018 on a determined note and in January I went back to Cape Town and stayed with a friend.

I somehow feel robbed by the system in Zimbabwe.  Many dreams have been lost.

To my surprise jobs were also difficult to find particularly for Faculty of Arts Graduates.
I received financial aid from another friend in Australia.  I managed to secure a decent place to stay and finally  to my relief a job offer came through. I now get more job offers and get to pick and choose what my next job might be.  I’ve also managed to secure a place for myself and furnishing it with beautiful pieces which I could have never dreamt of owning had I stayed in Zimbabwe.  The move has been helpful as far as my writing career is concerned. – Copy Editor, South Africa: 29

Last weekend when I posted this Tweet I had no idea it would resonate with so many people.  I’m a firm believer or speaking things into existence because most times they do materialise, so this is me letting you know that some day soon we will both look back at this post and smile knowing I worked hard for the dream to come to fruition.

Leaving your country of birth can’t be an easy move to make but sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and decide what it will have to be for you.  I know that not everyone who gets to leave has a happy ever after story to tell.  Some people have gone and had to come back while others are out there struggling to make ends meet.  I’ll write a blog post on that as well sometime soon.

Are you a Zimbabwean thinking of leaving the country?  What’s stopping you from packing your bags and going to seek greener pastures?

©MaKupsy 2019

I Wish I Had Waited To Have Sex Until Marriage

If I’d never left my parents house I’d have had sex the day I got married.  I come from a culture where we were constantly reminded that if you had sex your mother’s back would break.  You can read about the sex talk I got when I entered puberty over here.  I dated my very first boyfriend for a good 3 years before we eventually started having sex.  The main reason nothing ever happened was because I was genuinely scared.  We also used to see each other in public spaces so we never got intimate moments on our own.

I eventually got a job in the capital city, Harare and he didn’t waste any time trying to convince me to get in-between the sheets.  Every other day we would make out but never go all the way.  I eventually decided screw it (just do it) I’m tired of him always asking and we eventually had sex.  I must say, it was the most shocking few minutes of my life.  I lay there and thought, so this was it?  Nothing magical or newsworthy?  So much for holding onto this for all these years!  I felt terribly guilty and my innocence was stripped away, life as we know it was never the same again…

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Image from Pinterest

It’s unfortunate that you can’t turn back the hands of time but I truly regret having sex before marriage.  So many things would have gone right but they went left thanks to giving in to my pleasures. I’m not saying sex is bad, I’m simply saying the consequences that come with it are not for the weak.

  • Having sex will sometimes leave you in a spiritual warfare.  You can feel ashamed, empty and sometimes depressed.  You will struggle emotionally.
  • Fear lives with you all the damn time.  Going for your routine check up for HIV will no longer be a fun activity.  When it comes to sex I always say that you don’t keep your partners private parts in your bag so you’ll never know who they’re using them on.  The moment you start having sex you’ve set yourself up for an emotional roller coaster because infidelity and diseases are real.  You’ll be waiting for your results and telling the universe you’re never ever going to have sex again!  What a joke.
  • Chances of you comparing your current lover to a past lover are high.  You’ll be wondering why he doesn’t like sucking your toes during sex meanwhile he’s wondering why you like taking it in the ass.  It’s a messy scenario.
  • Ever heard anyone say “she was dickmatised“?  It’s another way of saying she can’t opt out because the sex is really good.  Sometimes people are stuck in bad relationships because of sex and letting go of something that’s not good for your soul is a tall order because you think noone else will ever make you feel that way again.
  • You might be faced with an unplanned pregnancy and end up with someone you probably didn’t like enough to raise a child with.  Abortion in Zimbabwe is a criminal offence so buckle up and keep that in mind if you’re having unprotected sex.
  • You will end up knowing everything about what your partner likes physically but absolutely nothing about them as an individual.  Their favourite colour, what they like to do in their spare time, their favourite food or even their plans for the future.  A sexually charged relationship can easily blind you from things that actually matter.
  • You’ll question whether your partner likes you for you or they like you for the sex.  Sometimes it’s not easy to spot the difference.

There are days I’m caught between thinking I should make a pact with myself to go celibate until I get married.  Then other times I think life is too short what if I die tomorrow mentality.  Sex is so complex!  I salute everyone who managed to wait to have sex until marriage. I’ve always wondered all about the benefits of doing so are and I’ll ask a few friends who did so to share their experiences with me.

I think waiting isn’t impossible but it will be much more difficult if you’ve had sex before.  Would you try this for yourself, or you’d rather let this one pass?  Also, do you remember the first time you had sex?

©MaKupsy 2019

 

The Best Advice You’ll Read About Blogging

I’ve always had a beautiful love affair with reading and writing.  Growing up I had a little bookshelf in my bedroom just above my bed.  It had story books that my mother would sometimes read to me before bed and when I got older I read them to myself.  I used to stay up late at night and read Enid Blyton books; my favourite being her Malory Towers series.

As I got older I looked forward to English Literature classes, writing essays was my forte.  Who would have thought that  years later my love for literature would produce a beautiful space?  A space that has birthed so many stories that have changed not only my life but the lives of friends, family and readers who stop by every now and again to read through my blog.

I’ve been blogging for 5 years and I now have two blogs. A Lifestyle and a Fitness Blog.  These two blogs have given me a lot of clarity when it comes to blogging and you can implement all these tips into your own blog and let me know how it works out for you.

Blogging Tips MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

  1. Blog.  It won’t be perfect in the beginning but trust me the more you blog the more you will get better at it.
  2. Have a strong WHY.  Why do you want to start this blogging journey?  Without a strong enough why you will blog for a few days, weeks or maybe a year and then stop.
  3. You’re never going to know what the outcome of blogging will be.  You might get financial success, invaluable experiences, amazing opportunities, a useful network or all the things I mentioned.  Keep giving input and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.  You can read about what blogging has done for me over here.
  4. Have at least 20 blog ideas written down.  This way you won’t run out of ideas of what to write about next.  Do your research, ask other people their opinions, this always helps to come up with a rich blog post.
  5. Unlearn.  We spend a lot of time taking in so much knowledge we forget to let go of some bad habits.  I used to be guilty of adding 15 billion tags on my blog post.  Now the maximum I’ll put is 3.  People will find your content, panic not.
  6. Go out and ask for what you want.  Is it to interview one of your favourite celebrities, do you want to partner with a local brand or do you need access to event so that you can publish it on your blogging platform?  Whatever the case is, ask; the worst that could happen is they will say no.  Get up and try again.
  7. Attend events.  I look forward to attending events that have speakers who share their life experiences.  You can’t possibly know everything and attending events will  not only educate but also give you a fresh perspective on different aspects of your life.
  8. Your hard work might get recognised and you might win awards.  We now have Blogger Awards in Zimbabwe.
  9. You will learn new skills.  Blogging is the one space that will have you adding new skills to your CV every other month.  Think content writing, photo editing, graphic designing, marketing, social networking and many more.
  10. You will make new virtual friends and get along so well you would think you’ve known each other for years.  Connecting with people in the same space is a great way to share ideas and help each other tackle some of the blogging challenges you might face.  You will unfortunately lose some friends as well.  @RaeLyric was one of the first Zimbabwean Bloggers I followed on WordPress. We would drop a random message here and there to say hello. She wrote so well.  It’s been a year since she passed on and sometimes I visit her blog just to read her work.  I sadly never got to meet her.

What has blogging done for you?  If you’re just starting out what are you hoping blogging will do for you?  You can read more free blogging tips from here.

MaKupsy 2019©

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Things Successful People Do

Do you ever think if you could win the lottery most of your life problems would disappear? I know I’m one of those people and I always laugh when I remind myself that I don’t even play the lottery so how the heck would such a thing happen in the first place? You see when it comes to being successful; you have to be doing something about it and not just sitting, waiting and wishing upon a start. Sometimes luck and being at the right place at the right time can help with success but most times it has to do with putting in the work to get there. How can you make this happen for yourself? A lot! For now, I’ll share 5 things that you can start implementing into your life today.

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Image from Pinterest

1. READ 

I challenged myself to read at least 12 books that will have me improve different aspects of my life this year. I started on a very good note and read 4 books to date but now I’m exactly 2 reads behind and I feel absolutely awful about it. I will catch up, it’s a new month and this is where most new beginnings materialise. Did you know that successful people read on average 60 books a year? If they can do it what’s your excuse for not doing the same? You don’t have to limit yourself to reading, listening to audio books or podcasts is another way of feeding your mind with useful information. One of my favourite reads to date is a book titled The Richest Man In Babylon  add it to your reading list, you won’t regret it.

2. LEARN NEW THINGS

You might be limiting yourself from being the greatest version of yourself because you think that you don’t have what it takes or you can’t afford it. I’m a firm believer in working with what you have. Want to travel? Start locally, it can even be in an area within your city or town. Want to upgrade your education? Study online and get certified in your field of expertise. Instead of wasting your expensive data on catching up with Instagram Stories that almost always leave you feeling inadequate invest that time towards learning something new that will benefit you. A good place to start is www.learndigital.withgoogle.com While you’re in pursuit of learning new things make sure you’re also unlearning habits that stop you from moving forward.

3. NO MUSIC, NO SPEAKING, JUST SILENCE

Silence makes a lot of people uncomfortable, angry, nervous or scared.  Hinduism tells us that all thoughts arise in silence, arise in silence and resolve into silence.   Why are most of us scared of silence?  Are we scared of ourselves? Between Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and WhatsApp silence has effectively disappeared.  I believe that we all need to make time to be silent and do some self introspection.  After all, successful people are usually emotionally self aware.

4. SET AUDACIOUS GOALS

Do you have a plan for what you’re going to be up to this week? If not, how do you get through the next few days without a plan? Successful people set daily, weekly, monthly and sometimes as far as 10-year goals. Set goals that set your soul on fire, goals that make you jump out of bed in the morning, goals so big you can’t wait to see them materialise.

5. PURSUE YOUR INTERESTS

Stand-Up Comedy, braai, drink ups, clubbing you name it; wherever the fun things were happening I was there! It always left me feeling worn out by the time the weekend came to an end. This was about 5 few years ago.  Fast forward to present day and I know that if I want to have any chance at being successful I have to stop trying to kill too many birds with one stone and settle for things I actually enjoyed doing.  I love:

  • blogging,
  • exercising ,
  • traveling,
  • listening to podcasts,
  • and drinking wine.

If what’s being advertised as the flavour of the weekend doesn’t involve any of the things on the above list you won’t find me there. It’s called preserving your energy and you should try it too.

At the start of this post, I asked you how winning the lottery could change your life? The answer remains the same. You have to play the lotto if you want to win! In this case, you have to deliberately make changes in your life today if you want to succeed in the future.

What are some of the steps you’re taking on your journey to success?

©MaKupsy 2019

The Woman Bringing Online Digital Marketing Classes To Africa

My name is Janet Machuka and I’m a Digital Marketing Strategist.  When l decided to venture into Twitter for business l realized a few flaws that could easily be addressed;

  1. Most people had issues to do with personal branding and knowledge on digital marketing in general.
  2. Businesses and individuals were focused on simply gaining followers.
  3. Digital marketing has not been added into the Kenyan school curriculum.

There was a need to assemble individuals with a common goal; to learn digital marketing and help each other grow in this field.  I created a WhatsApp group where I hosted lessons that were very successful.  I then researched on best African content creators, bloggers, digital marketers, SEO experts’ list but would end up with the Western continents’ lists. This encouraged me to create a common platform on Twitter.  It’s easier to associate with people on Twitter through a common hashtag #AfricaTweetChat

I remember Tweeting that l needed content creators and digital marketing strategists from different countries. The tweet EXPLODED! After laying down the objectives of we decided to term Africa Tweet Chat, Barrack Onyango who saw the potential in the idea and the end goal joined me; together we kicked off the little dream not knowing it would turn out to be a force it is today.

On February 1, 2019, we officially launched the chat program to offer free lessons on digital marketing. We invite experts from different countries in Africa and other continents.

What inspired me? I remember being one of the students at Shaw Academy that offers digital marketing courses. This provoked me to build a school that will offer the same thing.  After interacting with a couple of fellow Kenyans who used to do Influencer Marketing, l realized we lacked skills.  I could picture myself being a part of something that will change lives, create employment opportunities, expand marketing possibilities from local, national and international levels.

is soon launching its academy to offer certified courses both online and offline.  Africa Tweet Chat has been able to organically attract an audience of 28 million since it kicked off. This is huge!   Secondly, being able to plan weekly successful chats with different experts who we invite without paying them is not easy but we have managed to make it work.

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Together with my team, we look forward to building brands for Africa in Africa who can explore more on digital marketing and bring it to countries which are struggling despite the language barriers. Plans are in the pipeline to launch the French version of the chat and school, partner with brands to teach their employees and build a common ground for African digital marketing researching enthusiasts.

I believe if Africa’s personal brands venturing in digital marketing team up, we can create our own narratives, stories and make marketing on the online space more African so that it can be easily consumed by the people living in this particular continent.

I have passion in leaving a piece of me in someone’s mind or heart and that’s through teaching and imparting them with what will build and grow them,” says Janet. 

Be part of the conversation and follow #AfricaTweetChat every Wednesdays at 1900hrs WAT, 2000hrs CAT and 2100hrs EAT.

A big thank you to Janet for sharing her story with me.  I wish her nothing but the best on her Digital Marketing journey.

©MaKupsy 2019

I’m Pregnant!

The year was 2011.  The month was January.  The monthly period was late by 10 whole days.  The mood was panicking the fuck outta my brains!  You see, I didn’t get my period the whole of November 2010 and then in December 2010 I had a 10 day period, something that had never happened to me before.  In my head I didn’t think much of it because I was like seeing that I missed a month maybe mother nature is doing a payback on me.  Well, she clearly wasn’t joking about procreation because when my sister and I took close to 10 pregnancy tests on the 16th of January 2011 it was official, I was pregnant!

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Image from Google

 

In all honesty I don’t even know why I was shocked, the amount of sex we had been having with, let’s call him Peak for now, was insane!  Like we just couldn’t get our hands off each other and the relationship was still in a honeymoon phase and everything was going smoothly.  I have realised that I don’t seem to fall in love with people, for me love comes slowly and when it does I am so screwed.  I grew to love Peak and once I was madly in that phase he got my 110% love and affection.  That’s another story for another day.  However, it will be a story I would like Kupsy to read when she wants to know how I met her father.

Anyways, back to panic mode.  I really was pregnant, I didn’t know how to react when I first got the news.  I remember picking up the phone to tell Peak that I had to see him that day because he was out of town that weekend but he promised he would come through.  He did and when I saw him I showed him the pregnancy test.  I remember him holding me close and telling me that everything was going to be okay.  Definitely not the reaction I was expecting considering the many stories that I had heard other women tell me about how a guy can just vanish into thin air after you told him you had missed your period.  I on the other hand didn’t take the news lightly.

It was only after I had seen him and told him that I started to react to the news.  I have never cried so much in my life.  I cried buckets that day and I was uncontrollable he didn’t even know what to do.  Why was I crying?  I wasn’t ready to be a mother, I had so many things I wanted to do before that big step, I didn’t think I was going to get pregnant because well, we actually thought the withdrawal (pull out) method was a sure way to avoid getting pregnant.  BIGGEST JOKE EVER!  Why wasn’t I on any form of contraceptive?  Well, just before Christmas we had actually agreed that I needed to get onto something because we didn’t want to risk me falling pregnant but here we were…

I went to the General Practitioner the  following Monday who then referred me to a Gynecologist and set up all the appointments and medical tests I needed to go through in preparation for my 9 month pregnancy journey.  The weirdest thing about all this was that it was only after the results confirmed that I was really pregnant that I started getting pregnancy symptoms.  You can read all about my pregnancy over here.

Do you remember what you went through when you first found out you were pregnant, care to share?

A moment in my belly, a lifetime in my heart…

©MaKupsy 2019

Food Lover’s Market, Zimbabwe

Food Lover’s Market by Sam Levy’s Village in Borrowdale is my go to place for breakfast.  I absolutely LOVE the place and I keep going back for more. The other day I had a day off and my Manager specifically told me to go and spoil myself because life is short.  After running a million errands I decided to pass through Food Lover’s Market.

Unfortunately I wasn’t in time for breakfast and had to settle for lunch.  This is something I had never done before so I was open to trying out something new.  The waiter was very friendly and he helped me make a decision on what to try out.  I had chicken schnitzel which came with chips, a salad and mushroom sauce.  I absolutely love mushroom sauce and this was exactly what I needed after a busy morning.

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What I Love About Food Lover’s Market:

  1. The food!  My plate was very very well presented.  Just looking at it put a huge smile on my face.  The first bite of chicken left a warmness in my heart that spelled happiness.  The chicken was cooked to perfection and I promise you it was so big I didn’t even eat supper that day and chose to take a doggy bag with.  The salad was colourful and crunchy; and the mushroom sauce was well done.
  2. The ambiance.  I love the fact that you can choose to sit indoors or outdoors.  I love sitting outside because there’s natural light and this is perfect for Instagram photos.
  3. Payment methods.  You can use Ecocash, Swipe, Cash or United States Dollars at a rate I think is reasonable.  I spend about 30 bond for my meal and refreshments.
  4. Friendly staff who actually smile and make you feel welcome.  You don’t feel out of place at all.  Food Lover’s Market has this homey feel to it.
  5. Menu.  It caters to those working on a budget.  You can enjoy a decent hearty meal that won’t leave you with any sign of regret for spending money there.  They have great customer service; you’re sure to leave a tip.

Have you been to Food Lover’s Market?  What was your experience like?

©MaKupsy 2019