4 Relationship Deal Breakers

Show me a woman who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar! – MaKupsy 2017

The following deal breakers apply to both male and female so pay attention this might be the reason why one or some of your relationships have not worked out.

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Image from Google

Poor Hygiene

I don’t know about you but personally if the person who is supposedly pursuing me is not friends with taking a bath that might be an actual reason to go our separate ways.  I think that we should all love ourselves enough to take care of our bodies and that includes basic things like taking a bath, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails, flushing after yourself when you leave the toilet and wearing clean ironed clothes!!  It might sound basic on paper but some people couldn’t care less and go around looking like they just walked out of a maize field and expect to get a partner looking like that?

Inability To Spend

Now before you raise your eyebrows I am not talking about a man spending money on a woman.  I am talking about an individual spending money on THEMSELVES.  This right here is an actual cause of concern because if you are not occasionally spoiling yourself with the finer things what are the chances of you doing the same for a partner if you end up with one?  However, this can work either way because one may not necessarily spend on themselves but will spend on their partner…BUT it’s very rare that this happens; it’s complicated really.

Drive & Ambition

Show me a woman(man) who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar!  As you get older relationships become less of “Let’s see how this goes” and more of “What’s the plan between us”.  By plan I don’t mean a couple getting marriage which is a great idea by the way.  In this case I mean a plan to work together and encourage each other to reach personal and couple goals.  A plan for what your day, weekend, month or year together will look like.  Nothing brings a yawn fest as much as having a partner who has no plan whatsoever for the team.  Remember a relationship is a team effort and if you are the only one driving the team you will get tired and that right there will be the beginning of many problems to come.  I once had a conversation with a friend who told me that in order for people to have less stress in relationships they should try and pair up with people who “mirror them”.  Loosely translated to be with someone who has dreams, aspirations and the same energy as you do that way you will be team players and not have a situation of a pilot and a passenger in the relationship.

Dishonesty

This has to be the biggest deal breaker for me.  If you are in a relationship feelings change for the worst or the best and that is perfectly okay.  It is always best to communicate how you feel about the next person because even though some of the honesty might hurt it saves a couple time.  For example, if you fall out of love with someone don’t keep quiet about it and hope things will change.  Sometimes all you need to do is talk about it with your partner and find ways to bring back the fire.  If that fails then do the adult thing and break up amicably.  Most people choose to keep quiet about how they feel and end up cheating and hurting more people than necessary in the process.  If you are about this relationship business then you have to start getting your communication skills in tip top shape.

We were all brought up differently and when you get into a relationship this is the first thing you need to remind yourself.  What might be perfectly normal to you might be foreign to the next person.  You have to be patient and get to learn what you are both about but it doesn’t mean you have to stay on if you are unhappy.  Your happiness comes first and after you have tried everything to try and blend in it’s fine to walk away and take care of yourself.

These are the four main deal breakers for me.  What are yours?

I know I didn’t add cheating but it’s so cliche everyone says they won’t tolerate cheating but most people end up putting up with it when they find out but that’s a story for a completely different day.

Today, let’s talk about what will stop you from dating that one person you have your eye on?

©MaKupsy 2018

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Imagine A World With Dololo Lobola

Around the 1940s lobola payments didn’t cost much.  From my understanding if the young man who wanted your daughter’s hand in marriage came from a poor family he could pay his lobola in the form of a hoe. (not to be confused with whore) The young men from the affluent families could afford to part with a cow or two or more who knows, I wasn’t there.  Please note that back then there were no monetary transactions and everything was processed in the form of goods and services.  Lobola made economic sense in (our imaginings at least of) a precolonial setting.

Paying lobola meant that you would have someone who would work the land, do the dishes, bear children and look after the family.  People were breeding left, right and centre…babies everywhere.  I’m talking about a whole trailer of 13 children.  However, it wasn’t an issue because a bigger family meant you had more hands and more hands make work lighter and getting more work done meant more resources were available.  They worked the land and it bore beautiful fruits that paid dividends.  Those who could afford it; sent their children to school and if they excelled jobs were readily available.  In no time, one would be a teacher earning a decent amount of money and take care of family back home.  By age 18 one could start a family.  Hey, life was good.

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Image from Pinterest

Fast forward to the year 2018.  Things have taken a completely different turn.

  • Both men and women have goals to achieve.  In the 1940s most people’s focus was to start a family but now people want to up their educational qualifications, invest their money, buy big cars and houses and starting a family is not top priority for some.  They’re getting married later and later in life and having less children.  Most people I know have one child only and a few have two.
  • Most people are highly educated and qualified but aren’t going to work.  There are no jobs available.  The lucky few who are employed are either underpaid, not getting paid at all or have a side hustle that has been stopped by the powers that be.
  • The few of the few who are well paid have their fortunes exposed to a high risk of abuse.
  • Most men are now questioning why they need to pay lobola when everything can be accessed without a commitment.  You need your laundry done and house cleaned, hire a maid, you want sex, dial a booty call, you want kids, enter an arrangement with someone or adopt, you want companionship, go hang out with the boys.  It’s a scenario of why buy the whole cow when the milk is free?

A lot of people have expectations that their children will take care of them later on in life or when they get older.  I always ask them if these children asked to be brought into this world?  This is a burden to the children.  As far as I’m concerned if you choose to have children it’s your responsibility to take care of them and yourself as well.  You can’t go through life expecting a payback. What happens if those children never strike any luck financially?  Worst case scenario…what if they die?  What becomes of you?

This is why some parents charge obscene amounts as lobola as compensation.  Now you have some families asking for a bride price of give or take 30 000 United States Dollars.  From where now? In Zimbabwe where unemployment is estimated at 95% by some sources coupled with a failing economy?  It defies logic. The most common reason I hear for charging amounts in this range is that the parents say they educated their child at a very expensive University.  Like guys, that was your responsibility!   So remember, your children are trying to start a life together and if you wipe away all their savings from where do you expect them to start?  Question…

I have a few questions which need answers for those in the know:

  1. How come no one is paying the parents of the man who comes to marry seeing that people view lobola as a “token of appreciation”?  Is he not appreciated?
  2. If lobola isn’t paid what’s the worst that could happen?

In my humble opinion lobola is probably the reason why we are far from women’s emancipation in Zimbabwe because women are treated as “commodities” and have a price tag on them.  It becomes difficult to see each other as equals in marriage when the man feels he had to “purchase his wife.”  In the 1940s lobola made sense.  In 2018 the foundations upon which it was built have shifted.  I don’t see the real benefits of this tradition in present day.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

©MaKupsy 2018

Dating In Zimbabwe Is A Scam

Dating in Zimbabwe is a scam.  If you were to ask most people when they actually started dating compared to when they “officially” did you will be surprised.  I don’t blame them, dating is a dark minefield.

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Image from Pinterest

I started dating at age 18, a very long time ago…  My parents didn’t exactly approve of it but after they realised this guy wouldn’t stop calling, writing letters, visiting and spoiling me with occasional gifts they both decided that it was time they met this guy who was doing the most.  I wasn’t keen on the idea because I knew that would mean he would want me to meet his parents as well and in our culture once you start this introductions business it means marriage wasn’t too far off.  I was 18, who wants to get married at 18?  Certainly not me.  Turns out I ended up meeting all the important people in his life.  He was the only guy I ever introduced to my parents and I told myself the second one will be the last one.  I have to be really certain that he’s the one and here to stay. You see; this dating game really varies from family to family so expect different reactions when you mention you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Today’s post contains opinions of some of my readers and friends and I promise it will be worth your while.

Let’s talk about dating in Zimbabwe. How old were you when you were finally allowed to date? Have your parents met any of the people you’ve dated? When you have your own child at what age will you allow them to date?

I posted those questions on Twitter and these were some of the responses I got.

@TapsMarv Dating in an African family family is tricky.  Its more like a game of chess. There is an unwritten rule that says you can’t date our daughter unless you intend to marry which means a girl can never introduce a boyfriend to the family unless he is ready to marry. On the girls side there is an unwritten rule that if you introduce 3 or more boyfriends to your family and none of them marry you ,you are a nzenza (of loose morals). It’s not just the parents that look out for their daughters.  Even the girls brothers will give you a good hiding if you are caught dating their younger sister until she has reached that age were everyone thinks she is getting too old to find a decent young suitor.  It’s at that point they swap the signs on the gate from the one that read “Beware of vicious dogs” to “Mazai nehuku pano cheap cheap kana Ecocash tinotambira” – Eggs and chickes for sale cheap cheap we accept Ecocash. Also when dating in an African family you are not only dating your date but also a whole lot of her sisters cousins referred to as varamu. (in-laws)

@marcimaps I never had a real age, kinda just “warned to run from the opposite sex” -yes, -I don’t think I will have an age but I will educate them and have open dialogue about dating, would rather do that than just setting rules, that will most likely be broken behind my back.

@Miri_Nyakudzuka That’s been a grey area for years, but I think I am allowed now 2. Never 3. Probably 16…the later the better though.

@TiChitsinde 16 My sister was allowed at 15. We need to see everyone you’re dating till you graduate from uni. Then we only want to be introduced formally to the one you intend to marry.

@SoulDeepZim Never years old. My mom said after College, but only ever asked once if this guy I took a pic with was my bf. My dad is always vague about it, e.g ‘One day muchada kuroorwa.’ – One day you will want to get married. I love him, but I don’t feel comfortable asking him about men in general. Yet they want a mukwasha – son-in-law. How?

@algar_rue_Im supposed to only start dating at 27, according to my father. I cant even have bae on my Display Picture because a family meeting will be called.

@jef_rone 1. I dont really know when i was allowed or it was a matter of them accepting that there was nothing they could do. I once met my dad whilst walking with a girl. He called me to the side and gave me money. He said munozotimakisa.(Don’t embarrass me) That was A level.
2. Yes, my mum has met 2 girls. She always insisted in seeing them not to judge them but due to our family history she never wanted a girl to go thru getting pregnant then abandoned. She always told them that she was there for them then deal with issues later but at least from a point of comfort not suicidal thoughts or arbotion
3. I think dating in the true sense of just going for movies etc. I guess 16. But the sexual stuff if i had it my way maybe a bit later.

What baffles me the most is that our African parents don’t want us to date until who knows when but soon after you hit 25 years old they expect you to get married.  To what I ask?  Have they forgotten that they were keeping you under lock and key this whole time?  I guess they have good intentions but surely they need to understand that their children are growing?

To answer my question. I think 16 sounds just about right for my daughter to start dating.  I won’t wake up one morning and pounce on her to ask where her boyfriend is.  It will be a conversation we will have as she grows so that whenever she wants to talk about it she will know I’m there to listen and not get advice from random people or the internet. Do you know some of the insane advice you can get from this place?  Stuff like you have to pee soon after sex so that you don’t fall pregnant. Imagine!

What are your thoughts on the subject and what was your experience like when you started dating?

I have other related pieces you might want to check out which include:

Read This If You’re Having Unprotected Sex

Sex Education

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

 

Whose Chore Is It Anyway?

Do you hate doing your ironing?

Do you sometimes stash your unwashed dishes in the fridge when you don’t feel like doing them?

Do you dread weekends because you know you have to spend the greater part of your morning doing household chores?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then you dear reader are just like me and you completely hate doing household chores.  It’s unfortunate that it’s something that needs to be done but if I could I’d buy disposable everything, from clothes to cutlery to save me the headache of cleaning.

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Image from Google

I once penned down a post; okay I lie, a rant titled Women Need Help Too.  I was deep in my feelings because I couldn’t believe that couples were burdening each other with house chores.  I didn’t know any better.

A talk with a friend of mine made me realise something concerning this household chores thing. Let me share some of his thoughts;

  • Some people enjoying caring for others, it’s their language of love (acts of service) so they are perfectly okay with doing household chores while their partner does nothing.
  • It depends on the generation they’re from.  Most of our parents grew up in a time where the woman did all the work while the man either did gardening or nothing at all around the house.  Being seen in the kitchen would make the woman feel offended so they didn’t attempt to do any cooking.
  • Some people believe that the only way something will be done right is if they do it themselves.

After he told me this I promise you I was shocked.  It was a refreshing angle to look at the issue from and it helped me calm down.

Let me give you a working example; I love me some fish(my strength is eating) but I hate preparing it.  The whole process is just messy for me and by the time I finish cooking it I don’t feel like eating it anymore.  My boyfriend on the other end, he doesn’t mind doing it at all so when we choose to have fish he knows he will be responsible for that and I’ll gladly do the dishes.

I don’t like cleaning but my strength is doing a thorough job of it.  When I start I won’t stop until the place is spotlessly clean.  My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I visit because he knows when it’s time to clean I’ll turn the place upside down to make sure everything is in place.  He doesn’t like doing that he prefers doing what he calls “the males version” of cleaning.  However, at the end of the day, everyone is happy and no one feels like they’re doing all the work by themselves and that works perfectly fine for us.

I think at the end of the day in order for things to work out both parties should let each person flourish in their strengths.  Not forgetting that whatever you do during the course of your relationships will simply amplify if you choose to get married so make sure you choose wisely.

Couples that do chores together stay together. – MaKupsy 2018

What are your thoughts on the subject?  What do you look forward to doing without prompting when it comes to house chores?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

To Greet Or Not To Greet…

I don’t greet men with a handshake if I can help it.  I’ve seen more than enough of them peeing in public places and continuing with whatever they were doing to conclude that chances of them washing their hands later on are highly unlikely.  If you’re a man, best believe I will give you a fist bump any day.  This morning I was having a difficult time figuring out what to write about but after reading through this piece inspiration hit me hard.

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Image from Google

In our Shona culture; I’m from Zimbabwe; we are taught from a very young age that it’s important to greet your elders.  Growing up I remember I would greet all the men and women in our neighborhood at first sight, as long as they were older I was conditioned to automatically greet them.  You wouldn’t dare not do so especially to the women.  By the end of the day they would have reported you to your parents and you would be labeled as that child who doesn’t greet elders.  In as much as I wasn’t very enthusiastic about greeting my elders it was a good thing because it brought the community closer; everyone knew each other.  Things have changed over the years though, now when I go home I don’t greet anyone I don’t know.  Zero fucks to give over here.

That said, let me tell you a story that once happened sometime back.  I stayed at my former apartment for 6 solid years.  I knew almost everyone who stayed within the complex and I used to greet anyone older than me without a problem.  It so happened that this one time I probably didn’t see my neighbour or I was genuinely absent minded.  I’m honestly not sure what happened but it turns out she got seriously worked up that I didn’t greet her.  She caused an actual scene when I greeted her and her friend after I hadn’t seen both of them in a while.  She accused me of ignoring her sometime ago and not greeting her.  I was absolutely shook, how, this woman had known me all these years surely she should know that was completely out of character for me.  It so happened that I was also having a bad day when she did this and I explicitly told her that I would never greet her again.  I asked her why she hadn’t greeted me if she had seen me?  Were her eyes and mouth for decorational purposes then? I was pissed and I stayed true to my word until the day I moved out a year later.  I wasn’t going to have someone crucify me for missing one greeting after having greeted her for who knows many other greetings before that. The audacity!

Phew!  I finally have that off my chest.

Let’s talk about the greeting culture in your part of the world.  Who greets who first?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

Relatives; Ruining One Holiday At A Time

You can’t choose your relatives.  I’m still deciding if that’s a good or bad thing either way I have both pleasant and not so pleasant experiences with some of my relatives. I’m from a small family, or so I think…  To be honest it’s mainly because I don’t know most of them and haven’t made an extra effort to look for them and get to know them.  By most of them I mean my father’s side of the family.  You see, growing up when it came to visitors the bulk of them where from my mother’s side.  I know every single one of my maternal aunts and uncles including their children too(my cousins), they were almost always around and I grew up with some of them.

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Image from Pinterest

I used to look forward to having my maternal cousins over.  We were the same age so that meant a lot of time to play.  I remember my one cousin who used to love pretending to be a Pastor when we were playing house.  I’m not surprised that many years later he actually is a Pastor.  He’s the one person who was certain from day one of what he wanted to be.  For the rest of us finding life’s purpose happened much later.

What I loved about having relatives over:

  1. More time to play.
  2. Company.  It was lovely to have someone to talk to my age.  I’m the last child in our family and the age gap between me and my siblings left me all alone at home while they were away in boarding school.
  3. Sharing meals.  The whole idea of sitting cross legged on the floor while eating and competing on who would finish first was an actual joy for me. Fun times.

What I didn’t look forward to:

  1. Sharing my room.  It was all fun and games until I found out they were staying over for a few days and I’d have to share my bed or worst case scenario sleep on the floor.
  2. I don’t like doing chores and having people over means you have to clean up after them.  I didn’t mind this when I was younger because I was chores free but now it simply means there goes relaxing the weekend away.
  3. Pretending to remember distant relatives.  That one still bugs me, how am I supposed to remember someone who claims to have last seen me when I was still in diapers?

I asked three of my friends their thoughts on today’s topic and they said;

“I didn’t like it, I wanted my space.  I was selfish like that.”

“I still enjoy the stories.  We wouldn’t sleep gossiping till the break of dawn.  Oh! I also enjoyed the part where we would get sent to the grocery store in the mornings 😂”

“The food!  Whenever we had relatives over we would eat really nice food.  When they weren’t around we would have sadza every single day!”

According to my Twitter Poll when it comes to which side of the family that visited often these were the results;

Did you enjoy having family over at your house?  If yes, what are some of your precious experiences, if not, what went wrong?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

Sweet September

We’re in September already; where did time go?  I’m both excited and a bit unsettled because September marks my 3 year anniversary of blogging everyday in September.  Blogging is fun until you have to do it on days when it’s the last thing on your mind.  I don’t envy myself at all.  This year I’ve decided to name the challenge #30DaysOfWriting mainly because I need a reason to write new content.  It’s been a minute since I last did so because I’ve allowed life to take over and I also really needed a break.

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Image from Pinterest

To get an idea of what the challenges in the past have been like you can read my first Blog Everyday Challenge; this one was absolutely random, I just chose topics from the top of my head.  The second one was more structured and had bloggers from across the African continent taking part; #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge.  I believe the pieces penned down by Bloggers are making a difference in the world and we should make a conscious effort to share our work.

These are the topics I have in mind so far; if you have any to add please feel free to get in touch or better still add them to the comments section.

  • Which side of your family visited often when you were growing up?
  • Chores. Who should be responsible for what?
  • Dating in an African family.
  • What does your name mean?
  • To have or not to have kids?
  • A tradition that you think should be abolished in your culture.
  • What you’re going to change in your own family when you start one or what you’ve already changed?
  • 5 local destinations you have been to.

Last year www.afrobloggers.wordpress.com also had their own challenge titled #BlogTember.  This year they are riding on the same hash tag but with the theme Africa; Stories from home.  You can check out their page to see what other bloggers in Africa are sharing.  I know for a fact that when I run out of topic ideas I’m going to join in on their challenge; let me call it a collaboration of sort…

Have you blogged for 30 Days straight before?  What were your highs and lows?

©MaKupsy 2018

30 Days Without Alcohol

27 August 2018 marked the day I declared my sobriety challenge.  After an amazing night out the previous Saturday I woke up feeling tired, groggy and questioning my not so productive habit of nearly a decade.  I love alcohol, mainly because of the happy and care free feeling I get from it while I’m drinking it but the next day isn’t rosy at all.  Mind you, I’m a fitness enthusiast so my drinking is really counter productive for the most part.

I have a couple of reasons why I’ve decided to embark on this journey which include:

  • I’ve gained weight.  You should have seen how much I was drinking throughout winter.  Once upon a few months ago I had a 6 pack. Now I have a little pouch and I’m not amused.
  • I’m tired of feeling tired.  Having to pop pills before I go to sleep so that I can wake up feeling half alive isn’t fun anymore
  • I need my energy back, I used to run a lot faster now my pace is slower.  I have to choose a side, either I’m fit 100% or I’m not fit at all, I choose the former.
  • My face looks puffy and tired and I know alcohol is somehow contributing to that. I want to be forever young.
  • I want to save money.  Do you have any idea how much it costs to maintain this habit?  I can’t even type it out, just know it’s A LOT.
  • I also read an article saying that the top beverage company in the country is currently facing a beer crisis so I may as well adjust accordingly before things get bad.

Please note that I’ve been on this booze free journey before and didn’t even document it because the plan was to stop for a short while.  This time around I not only want to stop drinking alcohol for 30 days, I want to stop completely and I’m going to need all the will power under the sun to make this materialise.  I won’t say I’m feeling enthusiastic about this challenge. What shall replace my weakness?

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Image from Pinterest

Day 1

I got home to a bottle of opened wine from the Saturday event.  I was tempted to drink it up but told myself that I’ll pack it away instead and if anyone chooses to buy me alcohol I’ll gladly accept it and keep it.  Why not start a mini bar?  For some odd reason I was feeling very hungry throughout the day even after eating something which is ordinarily filling.  Perhaps I still have alcohol in my system from the weekend?  Either way, I feel heavy and it’s not okay.

Day 5

I’m okay so far.  I can’t say I have any withdrawal symptoms I can point out.  Methinks exercising twice a day has kept me from thinking about alcohol.  One thing is certain, I’m sleeping peacefully.  I only wake up once for a pee break and that in my world is a great achievement!  I also now have a YouTube Channel and it’s really keeping me busy; you can check it out over here. I’ve been learning a lot about how  YouTube works so I guess what my friend said about replacing a habit with another habit actually works .  Thank the stars I’ve adopted a positive habit.  The weekend is just a day away and I normally go all in on alcohol especially when I visit my hometown.  Pray for me, it’s not going to be easy to stay sober but it has to be done, it is after all, a challenge…

Day 10

The other day I dreamt that I had a glass of wine at a party.  I was completely flat with myself for giving in so early only to realise that it was just a dream.  Man I miss me some wine.  That sparkling chilled glass after work is the answer to relaxation.  Sadly for me I can’t enjoy anymore of that.  I’ve resolved to drinking my fanta with lots of ice in a wine glass to make myself feel better.  Don’t even ask me about the cravings galore I’m currently experiencing.  Chocolate, biscuits, crisps, fizzy drinks, those are my current weaknesses and I hate myself for indulging in them.

Day 15

I’m proud of myself for not drinking any alcohol for the past 15 days, I’ve kept my word and I’ve been a good girl.  I even went to church on Sunday.  Mind you I last went a very long time ago and it felt refreshing to start my Sunday morning sober and thinking clearly.  The only downside to this challenge is that I’m now having trouble sleeping.  Just yesterday I shared my thoughts on my Twitter timeline;

I was wide awake the entire night and there was nothing I could do about it.  I was used to drowning my sorrows in a glass of wine or vodka but that wasn’t an option.  I was also out of pain medication, I drink the ones that come with the instruction “may cause drowsiness” to help me escape to dreamland but it just wasn’t my lucky day.  It turns out insomnia is one of the withdrawal symptoms for stopping alcohol.  I’m honestly tempted to stop this journey, the side effects are not easy to handle.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

15 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

Heartbreak; if you haven’t gone through it then you my dear are one of the lucky few.  In my opinion the pain that comes with it is right there next to labour pains.  It’s something you don’t want to experience more than once because the pain usually scars you for weeks, months and sometimes years to come.  I asked some of my favourite people on Twitter to share how they managed to get over a heartbreak and as always they didn’t disappoint!  I like to keep opinions anonymous so names are not mentioned.  Their healing processes and some of mine are in the list below.  Kick back, grab your notepad and fix yourself a strong cup of coffee you will want to keep this!

  1. Cry. Cry yourself to sleep, cry yourself through the day, cry each time you listen to that sappy song that reminds you of him, heck cry yourself a whole river!  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, crying will help wash away the pain.  Whatever you do, DO NOT internalise your emotions.
  2. Get high or die trying. Seriously.  Nothing makes you feel better like a good old smoke.  You are guaranteed of short term memory loss which is a good thing because you can focus on the feel good sensation and forget about your broken heart for a while.  Proven effects include joy, euphoria, contentedness and a care-free attitude!
  3. Cut contact, otherwise you will find yourself snooping on their social media this is very unhealthy.   I suggest you actually take a social media fast for the next 30 days in a bid to protect yourself.  The last thing you want to do is see your ex partner all loved up on Instagram.  That will actually do you more harm than good, heartbreak and social media are NOT friends!
  4. Get up under someone new.  Try this at your own risk.  An orgasm a day keeps the stress away.  Yes, I made that saying up but it’s a sure way to take your mind off your ex but just make sure whoever you decide to have sex with will actually shower you with multiple orgasms otherwise the whole act will be pointless and leave you frustrated.
  5. Listen to some music. Not the sappy sad stuff by the way. Something upbeat to lift up your spirits.
  6. Move to another place.  Try getting a job in a town hours away from your current location or better yet leave the entire country.  That way you can heal faster without any memory triggers.
  7. Keep yourself occupied. Spent time with friends, do your favourite things.  Try positive distractions such as going out and doing something fun especially something new. Amusement Park, dancing; getting out and not focusing or dwelling on the heartbreak.

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    Photo Credit: @tendai_angela (Instagram)

  8. Put yourself out there. You don’t have to rush into another relationship but just go on dates and feel wanted. It helps to not be lonely and also just for the confidence boost.
  9. Alcohol! , it numbs the pain.  Those who don’t drink can safely turn to ice-cream or comfort foods; hello calories!!  I have tried and tested this one and all I can say is that alcohol will fix the problem for that day but when you wake up sober all the pain will come rushing back.
  10. Accept that it’s over.  This is probably the most crucial point because without this you won’t be able to.  Accept it and do not be bitter, okay TRY very hard not to be bitter.
  11. Positive self talk and reflection.  Remind yourself it’s their loss and not yours. BUT also look at your contributions to the demise of your relationship.  Avoid self blame at all costs but focus on reflecting. This usually happens further down the road to mending your heartbreak.
  12. Let go completely.  You are not trying to do the whole “Oh we’re broken up but we’re cool and modern so we can be friends” – it just prolongs the pain! CUT TIES…Cut it, Cut it, Cut it, you need to cut it!!
  13. Be kind to yourself.  You will have days where you will be upset with the world.  It happens, embrace it.
  14. Time.  It mends the heart.  I know others believe getting straight into another relationship helps you get over another one. This is not everyone’s portion.  Avoid going from one mess straight into another.  That way when you say “I am over someone” you really over them. There are no comebacks.  Time is often under estimated; especially nowadays because everyone wants an instant fix. There is NO QUICK FIX for heartbreak. This is why we end up having relationships with broken people who haven’t healed from past mistakes. Be fair to the next person. Take your time, you do not heal overnight.
  15. Understand that heartbreak is a part of life.  Not just in romantic relationships but in life in general.  Lovers, friends and family will disappoint you so always be prepared to find a way to deal with it.  Learn from your experience and remember that you are not the first or the last one to experience this.  This too shall come to pass…

How have you dealt with heartbreak in the past?  How long did it take you to finally reach the point where you could bump into your ex and they will have zero effect on you?

Let’s talk about it, I would love to read your thoughts.

©MaKupsy 2018

What No-one Told You About UnPlugged

Shekhinah is going to be all up at this month’s UnPlugged Zimbabwe event.  The beautiful singer-song writer whose debut album Rose Gold won her Album of the Year, Female Artist of the Year and Newcomer of the Year will grace us with her with her melodic voice on the 25th of August 2018 at ZB Sports Club in Vainona, Harare.

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Image from Google

This is the super cool stuff no-one told you about and I’m taking free hugs for giving you a heads up.

  • This month’s UnPlugged Zimbabwe is STRICTLY FOR ADULTS.
  • UnPlugged Zimbabwe has a “Chill Zone” this time around.  The ticket costs $30.    Please note that tickets to the Chill Zone can only be purchased in advance and you can’t do so at the gate.  The link for advanced tickets is www.clicknpay.africa

You’re reading this and thinking why in the world would I part with that much money?  Well, you get nothing but awesome benefits which are:

  1. The Chill Zone is right next to the stage.
  2. There’s guaranteed seating.
  3. There’s private bar.
  4. There’s separate parking.
  5. There’s a dedicated entrance.

WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE???  If you’re anything like me and have to think three times before going to take a pee break because you’re scared you will miss out on a performer during the event then if this doesn’t sell you I don’t know what will.  Also, think of the beautiful up-close shots you can get of Shekhinah…

Here’s the stuff you probably already know:

  • 384 Isis Road, Vainona, Harare is the event location.
  • The event is from 2pm to 10pm.
  • Advanced tickets are $10 please follow this link to make your purchase: www.clicknpay.africa
  • Tickets on the day at the gate will be $15.
  • All payment platforms are available.

If you’ve been to UnPlugged Zimbabwe a couple of times you already know what to wear or what to bring with you.  If it’s your first time you will need to read UnPlugged Must-Haves.

I hope you’re already marking your calendar to what promises to be the most epic show of the year.  You already know I like all things amazing and yeah I’m just tryna let you know let you know le let you know that you’ll definitely see me there!


Shekhinah comes to UnPlugged Zimbabwe 

Shekhinah MaKupsy

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UnPlugged MaKupsy

 

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©MaKupsy 2018