The Drakensberg Mountain Range

The Drakensberg Mountain Range is the highest mountain range in Limpopo, South Africa.  It offers incredible natural beauty and a wealth of recreational activities. My friend Danai (@Miss_Chiherahad the pleasure of traveling to this beautiful place.  She shared her experience of staying at Champagne Sports Resort with me.

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What I Loved About Champagne Sports Resort:

1. Views

Breath taking views of the Drakensberg Mountain Range. The resort is situated along the mountain range which gives you a perfect view of the range. Absolutely AMAZING!

2. Accommodation
There are 1 to 3 bedroom chalets with kitchens, living room and dining areas.  It’s perfect for sharing with your friends.

3. The Amenities

The resort comes with a swimming pool, a lovely golf course , a spa to die for a tennis court and a fully equipped gym (You can still work out while you are on vacation).

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4. It’s Child Friendly

There’s a dedicated young guide that rallies the kids together each day to keep them occupied while you go about your day.  Activities for the kids include:

  • Putt putt
  • Jungle gym
  • Beach volleyball
  • Hiking

5. The Bar & Food

The bar has a variety of cocktails but one cocktail captured my heart.  I tried this amazing cocktail: Something Peachy which is made up of vodka, pineapple juice , orange juice and peach schnapps. The resort provides buffet breakfast. They cater for everyone; Halal, Kosher, Vegetarian; no one will feel overlooked.

6. It’s A Hideaway

It’s far from the city.  A perfect place for a romantic getaway or just a place to relax and unwind.

There is no WiFi at the chalets which gives you a chance to connect with your loved ones or detox from social media.  A must try! 

There are neighboring resorts with activities such as zip lining and canoeing.

What I Did Not Love About Champagne Sports Resort:

1. The drive from the Airport. It’s a 4 hour ride from OR Tambo Airport. You need a book and some really good music to get through it.  However, the plus side is that the resort provides a shuttle to and from the airport.

Would I want to go back?
Absolutely!

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If you would like to experience Champagne Sports Resort check out Rennies Travel on www.renniestravel.com

 

Did you get to travel this year?  If yes, where did you go to and which were some of your favourite destinations?

©MaKupsy 2018

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I Love You, And It’s Killing Me

You are everything they said I should not find in a woman. But I am everything they want to see in a man because of you. Child rebel monster, it seems like all my life I have been preparing myself to love you. While at the same time taking just enough to paint you with a slightly begrimed color of love. Yet you low key have been seeing me from a boy to a man.

You are older they said. By quite a lot and this bit is nothing but true. It bothered me at first but not you. “What’s the worst that could happen if we gave it a shot?” you asked. We have a shelf life we agreed, and it was to be fun and games until we both fell hard. And I fell even harder. Into an abyss of love, I fell, mind my corny nature on this but trust me it would have been worse had I settled on penning an ode to unexpected love. My deadbeat uncle is quick to gossip about you like that other lady from church I told you about. Surely I cannot take the advice of one who fails to feed his own son. If he had a woman like you he probably would not be the filth that he is. I am not letting go of you because I do not want to become what he is.

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Image from Pinterest

I hate everything to do with your past life. Simply because you are flawless and it is hard to get over the fact that I am the beast in this relationship. You are the beauty in it. But a scar from your past makes many doubt your ability to love and care. But I know you better than many, your forgiving nature is apparent; like that wart under your nose. You once told me you married a man you had no business marrying, and I feel the pain because I cannot be to your kids what he is to them. Something is wrong with her they say, she couldn’t hold her marriage together. Like that makes it reason enough to stop loving you. But I know something is wrongwith all of us who fall in love with you, because a countless number of times we hurt you but you still rise from the ashes a bigger man. Cursing us but loving us still. Scars.

You need your own is what many say to me. There is no pride in the seed that grew from “your” field I am advised. But I grew up under the tutelage of a single mother, who withheld her craving for attention and I watched her suffer in silence as she supposedly did what was best for both her love interests and me. Your kids are a beautiful part of you that makes me love you even more. But to some around me they are a weapon to dislodge me from you. I hate to love when your kids call me dad. Because it reminds me of that other person, but also accentuates your regard of my importance in your existence.

She comes from those other people. The filthy people, like we are any cleaner. My family’s hate for Shona people is beyond me. Given that our ancestry points out that we are one half Shona ourselves. Selfish much are those close to me. Wanting what is right for themselves so much so not to realize that their wishes could cost me you. And you happen to be what is good for me. Moreover, you are what is good for them. I wish they knew how many of the meals they have enjoyed were funded by your kindness. If they found out how much you do for them, will they then spew their guts out because they have been fed by the enemy?

love hurts MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

 

My best friend called you crazy. He felt that your confession of undying love was an indicator of your schizophrenic nature and I had no business dealing with a crazy lady. But he never thought I would go on to cry come back baby. So damaged I am I could not stand being loved truly and honestly. I shared with him the messages I had no business showing to another soul. And compromised our fortress of trust. I allowed a Trojan horse into our troy of love. And gave one person the power to look into your eyes smiling while in his heart taking you for a fool.

No man is an island. But I would love to be trapped in an island with you. I am difficult to love. But you have made it an easy job because that is how amazing you are. I appreciate women better because of you, and respect beyond what society dictates. I have been told I deserve better. I have been convinced I am worth more. None of these have ever considered I am what I what I am because you have helped elevate me. You are all they said I should not find, but none of them told me I would find love in you.

This piece was penned down by a writer who wishes to remain anonymous.

Have you experienced a love like this before?  If yes, in as much as you were told that someone wasn’t good for you what lengths did you take to stay together?  If no, how far are you willing to go for love?

©MaKupsy 2018

10 Tips For Every Zimbabwean Naturalista

Naturalistas are going to love this piece penned by my woman crush this Wednesday, Tasha is not only a Blogger but a mother, wife, fashion designer and passionate about DIY hair care!  Get your notebooks out, she’s sharing some priceless gems with us this morning.

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Tasha

If you are like me and have 4C hard maShona type, deciding to go natural can be exciting. With the new found obsession for natural hair, it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. With these groups up on Facebook one can be misled with how fancy the trend can be. No matter where you get your DIY hair smoothies from, there are a few things you should already know:

  1. Don’t Rush the Process

The hardest part about starting your natural hair journey is having patience. Know that hair does not grow overnight.Hair grows about half an inch every month. Now that does not mean that it will grow a full half inch per month!  If there is constant breakage occurring, there won’t be much growing at all. Be sure to find a routine that works for you. Once you find what works with your hair, it will grow to its fullest length monthly.

  1. Don’t compare yourself to others

Create your own routine; it is very easy to follow what someone else is doing.  Don’t think what worked for someone else will work for you. Every naturalista’s hair is different. Know your hair texture, porosity and hair type as well. Once you accept your differences with others, you’ll be ready to handle your hair the right way.

  1. Less is more

When it comes to hair products, less is more. There are so many different products out there, and it’s okay to want to try all of them out; just not at the same time. Always remember using too many products at once will only weigh down your hair, and leave it feeling greasy.

  1. No Gibberish

A lot of products on the market appear to be “all natural” but yet you can’t pronounce half of the ingredients.  Be careful with what you’re purchasing ladies and gentlemen. Just because the bottle says “100% natural”, doesn’t mean it is. Use products with simple ingredients that are easy to pronounce. Water based products are the best because water is the best moisturizer ever!!

  1. Finger Detangle

This is rule number 1 for most naturalistas. Never comb your hair when its bone dry. When you do this you are asking for breakage galore, not to mention a tough time even getting the comb through your hair.  Finger detangle your hair with a gentle approach is the secret to easy and manageable hair.  Eliminate the usage of brushes or small tooth combs, to minimize splits and breakages. . I use coconut oil or aloe vera to help with detangling.

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Tasha

  1. Moisturise your hair

Water is the best moisturizer. Using products throughout your week is not enough. You need a touch of water to restore balance in your hair. Your hair is weak when it’s dry; you experience severe hair loss and hairline problems. Know your dry spot!  The centre seems to be my driest and kinkiest. Apply more moisture and conditioner on these areas.

  1. A great diet

This goes without questions, but still so many women forget about this part. What you put in is what you get. It’s as simple as that, for a glowing skin and popping hair take loads of WATER. Food such as fish, chia seeds, dark leafy green veggies, nuts and eggs among others are the best things to add to your diet. Our body produces natural lubricants for the scalp to promote healthy hair growth.

  1. Conditioner is your friend!

Try to deep condition your hair as often as possible. This will help with moisture issues and it will improve your hair’s manageability. Have a deep conditioning a simple regimen. Invest in a deep conditioning cap (plastic bags/shower caps work), wide tooth comb and use mild heat use steamers.

  1. Create a basic night regimen

To protect your hair at night, try out a simple regimen. Nothing too fancy just a simple satin bonnet or silk pillowcase will do you good. Make sure your spritz some concoction before going to better or any oil, butter of your choice to loc in moisture.

  1. Embrace Shrinkage

We all hate shrinkage but its either you beat it or embrace it. While every naturalista must choose their path; I choose to embrace my shrinkage and rock it nevertheless.

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Tasha is hosting a Meet and Greet Brunch this Saturday, 14 April 2018 at Moto Republik.  The event will be her official blog launch and comes with an opportunity to network.  Bring out your crown; natural, relaxed, braided or with weave or wig, locs and bald. It’s all about self confidence!  You can look forward to some freebies, food and hair talk which happens to be the reason you’re going to begin with by the way. Oh, gentleman are welcome too.

Tasha is on social media: Facebook: @TashaMatHairDiaries , WordPress: www.tashamat.wordpress.com

Xo

TashaMat

 

From Communion To Cunnilingus

Do not play “Never Have I Ever”. It brings up stories one would have thought are dead and buried. I never would’ve revisited this experience if it weren’t for a group of friends, too many tequila shots, and that one statement:

“Never have I ever… had sex in church.”

I could see all eyes on me as I, the good church girl, slowly took a shot glass and downed it gingerly. In my defense, it was just oral sex, but all forms of sex counted, and now people watched as my 10 year old secret came out at the bottom of a tequila shot. Then came the questions:

“Church??”

“Church church?”

“How did it happen? I have to know what exactly happened!!”

So you, dear reader and my dear drinking buddies, are going to hear the story of how a good church girl lost a round of “Never Have I Ever”.

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Image from Pinterest

 

I don’t remember the day as vividly as I should, but that doesn’t really matter. All I remember is that he had texted me on that day, saying we should spend the day together, since I was on holiday, he was on holiday, and had flown in from the UK to Zimbabwe. Our… situationship started online. I had the biggest crush on him; he was a force to be reckoned with in our church. He was a powerful preacher, prayer warrior, and in a word, “anointed”. It helped that he was real good looking, with smooth chocolate skin, and a muscular body that hugged his suits in just the right way (places). His voice? Oh my word… I can’t describe it in any other way than “creamy” His voice, his voice, his voice!

For our first “date”, I wore a patchwork African print floor-length skirt, and a white off-the-shoulder top. My hair was in braids, and I did a simple bun with it. I was looking good! I got to the church just in time, and got to my hiding place with him waiting for me. I guess it wasn’t much of a hiding place, because it was his as well. He had brought food; I don’t even remember what, all I know is that it tasted real good. We talked about random things as we had our little picnic, while we watched the choir finish up practise. I took a look at him as he was talking… he was looking so amazing with blue straight-cut jeans and a plain white t-shirt. He smelled heavenly… what was that cologne…? I felt like I knew it… I just couldn’t place it…

“Yeah, so our church is really growing,” he said, cutting through my thoughts. I quickly stuffed the rest of the… burger, I think… into my mouth and nodded like I was paying attention. He looked straight at me and smiled. I tried to smile back with my mouth full. Yikes! How awkward. I finally managed to swallow the burger, and we cleaned up.

“Sounds like the choir has left,” I said, suddenly shy. He was still looking at me, observing my every move. I saw his eyes dart down briefly, taking in my body, and then look into my eyes, his lips curving into a smile.

“Yeah, they have,” he replied.

“Only an hour left before we go to our meeting,” I said, my heart beating fast. He was still looking at me, smiling.

“Mm-hmm,” he said, his voice deepening. “You know, you got a crumb stuck to your cheek.”

Before I could respond, he had brushed off the crumb. His hand lingered on my cheek, rubbing it gently, his index finger going down to my lips, tracing the outline of my lips. My heart started racing. Is he going to kiss me here? Now?

He moved closer, drew my face closer to his and kissed me. His lips were soft, and tasted of the apple juice we had been drinking. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth, and he gently grabbed on to my bottom lip with his teeth. I felt him suck my lip ever so softly, before he let go quickly and engulf my lips with an ever harder kiss.

His hands went to the small of my back and pulled me even closer. As he continued to kiss me, I felt his hands go into my shirt, and caress my breasts firmly. My goodness, it felt so good!! I responded with the same amount of vigour, digging my nails into his back. In one swift move, he had unbuttoned his jeans, pulled down his fly, and had guided my hand into his pants.

Ah, his penis. This was our first official date, but not our first make out session. After a long day studying, he offered to take me home. We took a short walk, where he led me behind a tree along the road, and I proceeded to give him an impromptu blow job. It was my first time doing it, and hearing him gasp and moan quietly was the best feeling ever. He even came into my mouth and I swallowed.

sex confessions MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

So when he guided my hand to his penis, I was ready. I was going to blow his mind again. It was hard, it was ready. I started to coax him out of his jeans and his boxers, until I felt his dick escape. I cupped his balls, rubbing them as I continued to kiss him. Suddenly, I stopped, and took as much of his dick as I could into my mouth. Listen, I was an awkward girl, I had no time for kissing down and up, or whatever other people do. I was horny and I wanted him now!  That man smelled so good! I breathed in his scent, as I sucked up and down, licking and sucking, changing the intensities of my sucking while rubbing his balls. I felt him start to thrust in my mouth, and I began to match his thrusting. Oh my gosh, I was so turned on right now!! I felt like my heart was going to explode, it was beating so fast!! I grabbed his butt, and let him go as deep as I could manage, as my mouth tightened, then loosened around his shaft. He thrust faster and faster, and with a soft groan, came into my mouth. I smiled internally (my mouth was still busy), and with one final suck, his dick was out of my mouth. I looked at him straight in the eye, and swallowed, and I could see him shiver just that bit. He dressed up, and whispered to me, “Time to return the favour.”

He lay me down onto the carpet, and because he was way more experienced than me, kissed my forehead, nose, lips, neck (ooh, he lingered on my neck… shudder), nuzzled my breasts, then stopped. I opened my eyes; he was looking straight at me, smiling. That smile… He kept his eyes on mine as he knelt between my legs, his hands disappearing under my skirt, and then I felt a gentle tug on my panties. I lifted my butt up so he could remove them, my heart in my throat. He stuffed them in his pocket, and one hand rubbed my inner thigh, and I felt a finger go into my pussy. Not breaking eye contact, he brought up his hand, and examined his finger.

“You’re so wet”, he said, licking the finger that entered my pussy so easily. “And you taste sweet.”

I was wet. I was so turned on, I couldn’t say a word because I was afraid many swear words would start coming out. And I did not swear. I was thinking though come on! Do it! Why are you teasing me???

And he did. Disappearing into my skirt, I felt him blowing onto my pussy, before giving me one long lick! I gasped, but before I could catch my breath, he continued, licking round and round my clit, then sucking it gently before licking it some more. Dying of pleasure is a thing!  I couldn’t moan, I couldn’t scream… we were in church, who knew who was around? So I bit my lip, dug my nails into the carpet and arched my back, as he continued. I felt his hand part my lips, and his fingers penetrate my pussy again, going in and out, while he licked and sucked my clit. I was going insane. Yohwe maiwe! Man knew his way around my anatomy. Suddenly he stopped, and I felt his hands go under my back, cupping my buttocks. This time, his tongue parted my lips, and thrust in and out my pussy. I can’t even describe it properly; he would thrust with his tongue, come out ever so slightly and make circular motions just inside my opening. I started chewing on my lips to keep silent. He made one final thrust, then went back to licking round and round my lips, my pussy, and my clit. I could feel the waves of electricity spread from my clit to my legs, and up my body… I was having an orgasm! I couldn’t keep quiet this time: I let out a loud moan, as my body stiffened, and then release.

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Image from Pinterest

You know how it is when you orgasm? You want to crawl into a ball and enjoy the sensation. He wouldn’t let me. He emerged from my huge skirt, looked at me again, before licking his lips, and making a huge show of swallowing. My goodness… then, without letting go of my buttocks, went back in and gave me one long lick again. My clit throbbed wildly… it was not ready for any more stimulation. I didn’t know what to do, I was squirming so much. It was a perfect balance of pleasure and pain… it hurt so good. I couldn’t take it. I felt his hands dig into my butt as if to say, “Relax, I know what I’m doing.” So I did. This time he went straight for my pussy, thrusting in and out with his tongue, taking breaks to lightly blow onto my pussy. I was going insane…then he circled my clit again with his mouth, sucking very softly, while licking gently in between. No weird flicking movements with this guy; it was full on tongue. I couldn’t hold it in anymore; this time I was moaning softly as he pleasured me. I felt his fingers enter my pussy again, as he licked and sucked my clit softly, and then harder and harder. I felt myself starting to orgasm again… I mumbled, “Oh gosh, I’m coming again!” He looked up quickly and said, “Go for it,” and continued to lick me, nice and slow… I dug my nails into the carpet again as my body stiffened again with another orgasm. When I relaxed, I felt him kiss my inner thighs, and give my pussy one last lick. He pulled me up into a sitting position and handed me my panties. I was spent, my body had never felt such pleasure. In church, no less… my gosh!! I put on my panties, stood up, and checked out my skirt. Shoot, the back was all wet. He looked at me and laughed.

“Let’s go, the meeting is going to start in a few minutes.”

Oh no! I quickly turned my skirt around. I’ll just fabricate some lie about water splashing my skirt when I was in the toilet. As I caught a whiff of my scent on my way to the toilet, I realised I’d have to wipe myself down as well. I smiled though… no regrets at all.

Confessions booths are open daily from 4pm to 6pm. If the parish priest is unavailable call me…

Please note that this is not my work, an anonymous Blogger shared their work with me and they wanted you to enjoy it as well.

 

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

 

5 Reasons Why I Love Banting

I follow Tata on social media and she has her banting game on lock!  If I didn’t love carbs so much I would have tried out her diet because her plating is too pretty to resist!  Today she shares with me the reasons why she loves banting.

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Egg Muffins

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Stuffed Squash

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Egg Roll

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Chia Seed Pudding & Fresh Cream

 

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    Caulie Hash Browns & Poached Eggs
  1. It doesn’t feel too much like a diet, imagine eating all the bacon, cheese and eggs in the world and still loosing weight!
  2. I don’t feel bloated as much as I do when I’m on high carb which means no burping all day long anymore, thank the stars!
  3. I love it because doubled with intermittent fasting (8pm-12pm) I dont feel like I’m starved and quarter to death anymore.  Hunger doesn’t come rapidly like when your glucose levels go low.  Fat adaption means staying fuller for a longer time.
  4. Did i say bacon?
  5. For the first time I have found a diet which doesn’t make me want to quit after a few days. I wont lie, its hard walking into the grocery store and not reach for Oreos,chocolate, fizzy drinks and all the scrumptious enemy of progress junk food God created… (sometimes I grab them anyway, I’m human after all). But for some reason I find banting to be sustainable, doable and also fun. I really enjoy making my meals and getting creative, the kitchen is now my favourite place to be in!

A big thank you to Tata for taking time out to share her mouth watering meals; you can find her on:

Instagram: #girlversusketo

YouTube:  THE TATA_TAINMENT

Do you have a food diary?  If yes, which methods of documentation do you use and where do you get your meal inspiration from?

Fitness Bae®

 

 

Diana Washe : Woman Crush Wednesday

My name is Diana Washe, I am a Johannesburg based mother to two handsome boys who are 6 and 3.  I’m also a full time Digital Marketer, Post-Grad student, an entrepreneur and an upcoming life coach.
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How did you get to where you are today?
Businesswise I can never talk about my business without including my story.”  My business was born out of depression.  After tragically loosing my husband when I was 6 months pregnant; I was diagnosed with depression.  My Grief Counsellor advised me to look for a hobby I can do in between our sessions, then I would go back and we talk about what  would have made. I still remember the very first item I created; I sew up some Ankara fabric and covered my new baby’s shoe with it.  I posted on Facebook page and I received positive feedback from my Counsellor and Facebook friends.  From then on every sample got more encouraging feedback until people started offering to pay for my products.
At first I was very hesitant until I gave it a go, I thought to myself, why not?  I’m enjoying making these accessories why not get paid for doing something I love?  It has not been an easy journey, as a single mother, full time employment, being a student and being the Creative Director of my business Shaina. As the Creative Director I come up with concepts and have to make some of the products myself and sometimes I outsource labour. My business is growing steadily at a pace I can manage and get to enjoy life while I’m at it. Earlier in the year I showcased at the Soweto Fashion Week, which is a fashion show for upcoming designers!
 
Who or what keeps you going?
God has been faithful and amazing in my life, without Him I would not be where I am today.  I don’t want to let Him down. I even renamed myself to Dianawashe because I am His.  My children also keep me going. I want to give them a “normal” life; I don’t want them to physically feel the gap left by their dad. The smiles on their faces and when they brag about me makes me push a mile further in everything I do!  I have an amazing support system in the form of family and friends.   My love for finer things in life is the other main reason I keep going.  I love champagne, wine, WiFI, All Stars, Mac, Fenty Beauty among other things, there is no way these things will buy themselves, I have to keep going to keep the ka-ching ka-ching coming!
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What have you learned about being an entrepreneur?
My business is only 3 years old. I’m still a work in progress and so far I have learnt that:
  • sometimes you need to work smarter not harder,
  • don’t put all your eggs in one basket,
  • diversify!

 

What exactly does your business entail?
I can safely say I do my life; my business is an extension of my life!  I love fashion, I love prints, I hoard accessories. I’m a very crafty creative being. I hand make African inspired accessories and bags. I make trendy and fancy accessories for vibrant young adults. I fuse different textures with African print to make affordable luxurious clutch bags and bow-ties. I am a Serial Entrepreneur!  I live in light bulb moments.
There are more lines from Shaina that are coming and I’m adding another wing to my business which is very exciting.   Follow me on my Instagram Page there is exciting business chapter coming up!
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What are the 5 words that people use to describe you?
Bubbly, Talkative, Gwara, (what’s the English word by the way?), Loving, Kind-Hearted
What is your favourite quote or saying?
Lets just make them two..
  1. I refuse to be ordinary my kids are watching!
  2. Life is short.  Be silly, have fun, love the people who treat you right.  Forget the ones who don’t, regret nothing, believe everything happens for a reason AND buy those shoes!  Never forget God above all else.

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Where can readers find you on social media?
Twitter: @dianawashe
Instagram: @mylife.andkids
Business Instagram: @shainaonline
©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 26: Being An Illegitimate Child

Today’s topic is “Children born out of wedlock” and I have the pleasure of having @_6_Legend as my Guest Blogger.  He shared his story with me and I hope as many people can get to read this and realise that; after all is said and done children whether born in or out of wedlock have the same rights and feel the same way as any other child.

We live in a society that can sometimes be harsh and harmful on the very people that make it up. A lot of people suffer due to societal standards that affect them regardless of the fact that they cannot change their position nor is it of their own making. Children born out of wedlock are some of the people affected by these societal standards and I want to talk about some of the things that they (read we) face due to their “status”.

Society is an integral part of who we are. From the people we call family or relatives, depending on the nature of the relationship, to the 3 year old girl who lives down our road, all are integral to our being. Human beings are designed to associate with and interact with the people around them. This interaction takes many different forms and has different levels of impact. They all, however, have an impact and no matter how small this impact is, it contributes to who we are as a whole. The nature of these interactions, positive or negative, also will contribute towards shaping who we become as people. As a child born out of wedlock, I had a lot of interactions which I know, now, contributed to the person I am today. I say now because when these things happened I had no idea what they meant and I sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing to me psychologically.

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Image from Pinterest

My mother and biological father were never together. She married another man and I only discovered he wasn’t my actual father when I was an adult. When I did discover it though, it made sense. He treated me differently. His family treated me different. Whenever we visited the rural areas, I could feel that I was an outcast. I think I knew right from the start that I wasn’t a part of that family but I didn’t know the alternatives and that’s why I just didn’t have that truth fall naturally to me. I told myself that my “father’s” family didn’t like me because of my mischief. I wish they had just told me I wasn’t one of them.

Then I learnt the truth…

I met my biological father when I was 20. I had mixed feelings but eventually I thought I should make an effort to form a relationship with him. I shouldn’t have. On our first encounter, he spoke about how he only lost touch because my mother got married and my step dad didn’t want him talking to her. He went on to tell me that his whole family knows about me and he would take me to meet them. No one knew about me. Five years later and I have met none of my sperm donor’s family (that’s all he is really). The moment I realized it was never going to happen, I stopped trying and I became happier. I am a fatherless person and I have embraced it. When I left my step father’s, I remember one of his sisters saying “ndakambokuudzai kuti vana vemusango vanonetsa”. Loosely translated, “I told you these fatherless children are a problem”.

The term “vana vemusango” (bastard children) has been used to describe children born out of wedlock for a long time. The term came as a description of men who wander out of their matrimonial homes and go “kusango” where they bear children. I feel that the term carries heavy negative connotations, the brunt of which is bore by the children. It is a term that shames children for being born out of wedlock as if it was their choice. It is a term designed to discriminate and sideline these children. As a society, we forget that we are all equal. Once we begin to label other people as illegitimate, we have taken a whole lot from those people. Their dignity. Their pride. Their association. Their being. We strip it all. And yet it is not this person’s fault that they came into this world in that way.

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Image from Google

I don’t even know what I wanted the point of this to be. I just had things to say and I hope I have at least articulated myself well. We all came from somewhere. Hakuna mwana wemusago…

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 25: What Feminism Means To Me

Day 25 of #30DayAfriBlogger Challene topic is Feminism or Humanism or Womanism.  Where do you stand and why?  I have a Guest Blogger who shared her thoughts on Feminism with me, enjoy the read.

“I am compelled to remain on this feminist path by the many women that…feel comfortable in living differently” –​ ​Florence​ ​Butegwa

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Vimbai Midzi

 Women deserve to be treated equally, to be given a fair chance to succeed, and a safe environment to live their lives in. – Vimbai Midzi

It was a quiet realisation in a room full of women who had been through the abuse I had experienced. I hadn’t spoken at all that day, and my heart was heavier than I can articulate. There were hundreds of candles for the vigil, and hundreds of women sat in the hall – some shocked at the stories that were told, some crying, some humming quietly. My friend, who had been the closest person to me since school started, held my hand as we swayed back an forth. Without warning, surprising myself even, I stood up and began to tell my story too. I spoke with the smallest voice I’ve ever heard come out of me about a violence I wish I could forget. I stopped, one minute in, fighting tears. I looked up for reassurance of some kind, and when I looked back at my friend, she had a sign up that simply said, “You matter.” That tiny act of kindness which probably only I noticed, was the beginning of my journey with feminism and defining what it’s meant to me.

Feminism, broadly speaking, is the belief that all women and men are fundamentally equal, and that the differences in the way women and men are treated comes down to patriarchy.

Patriarchy is basically a system that privileges men over women in society – whether with regards to workplace opportunities, access to education, inheritance laws, political leadership positions or romantic relationships. Patriarchy is the thinking that says that women are intrinsically inferior to men, which trickles down into various sectors of society. For example, patriarchy is the reason in many developing countries, if a family cannot afford to send all their children to school, they’d rather send the boys and not the girls. Sometimes it’s subtle. It’s in the way girls are raised to aspire to marriage and are ‘trained’ to take care of a family’s needs, while boys often lack basic domestic skills because they aren’t expected to take part in domestic labour. Patriarchy is the reason why, for years I stayed silent about my sexual abuse, and was willing to go to the grave with it, for fear of being ridiculed or blamed. Patriarchy says that women’s lives, ideas, dreams, bodies don’t matter as much as men’s, and feminism exists to counter that.

You matter.

African feminism stems from African women’s actions and thoughts around equality within the context of African societies. It’s important to stress that my African identity is integral to my fight against patriarchy across the continent. It is particularly important, on a continent where women are systematically excluded from economic, political and social spaces, that my feminist work does everything in its power to tear apart the patriarchy that holds women back and under the feet of men. African women, post colonialism, had to deal with fighting racial oppression from white regimes, and further oppression from their own black male family members, colleagues and leaders.

Feminism is both collective and individual in its practices. Many of the changes in laws protecting women’s inheritance rights, fighting violence against women, ensuring equal opportunities in professional and educational spaces, have come as a result of the collective action of groups of feminists across the continent.  Being a feminist also means that feminists over the years have fought for me to have autonomy and personal choice –an integral part of feminism.  It also means that I’ve come to have a personal understanding of the different ways patriarchy affects me and the ways in which I fight it in my daily life.

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Vimbai Midzi

Personally, there are two things that come to mind when I think of what feminism means to me.

1. YOU MATTER

The jokes about self love aside, loving myself and acknowledging my intrinsic worth has been the foundation of my feminist journey.  Women deserve to be treated equally, to be given a fair chance to succeed, and a safe environment to live their lives in. Feminist policies like advocating for free sanitary pads so girls don’t have to miss school because of their periods, is telling girls that they matter. Their ability to attend class and society’s effort at leveling the playing field for their start in life, matters. My pain, my joy, my failure, my success, my ideas, my dreams – they all matter, and they should be taken seriously.  Feminism makes it necessary for this to be actively made a truth in women’s lives. Every demand for harsher punishments for rapists and kinder environments for rape survivors to tell their stories and get justice, every push for states to address femicide and emphasise women’s autonomy over our bodies, is feminism telling us that we matter.

2. PATRIARCHY MUST FALL

It’s important to note that patriarchy is enacted mostly by and for the benefit of men, but that women can perpetuate it too, and that men can suffer from it. Feminists fight against patriarchy as a system that harms both men and women, albeit harming women more.  Patriarchy sets impossible and toxic standards for men and how masculinity should be performed. This often means that masculinity is associated with violence, strength (the kind of strength that can never show signs of perceived weakness) and unchecked power. Men are therefore socialised to believe that they cannot be emotionally vulnerable.   for example. This would explain the rise in male suicides as a result of men being unable to seek help for mental health issues like depression. Patriarchy also socialises women to make decisions or say things that are harmful to other women, and that ultimately benefit men. When a woman judge in Uganda suspended a female court clerk for wearing a mini-skirt there were a lot of comments. In this instance, women’s dressing and bodies continue to be policed by a system that takes away women’s bodily autonomy.  That the decision was made by a woman, shows the pervasiveness of patriarchy and that; as a whole system, it needs to fall, for the sake of women mostly but also for the sake of men.

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Image from Pinterest

Feminism for me means learning and unlearning everyday.  It means standing up for myself in an environment that seeks to shrink me.  It means standing with women at all times, ensuring that our rights are protected, our voices are listened to and the war on our bodies is being stopped.  It means being unapologetically me and living myself past the pain of years of ingrained patriarchal practices and language. It means reclaiming the identity that men for centuries have given to women, and forming one for myself. Most importantly, feminism for me, is the quiet realisation that I matter.

You can find Vimbai on Twitter; @Just_Midzi she loves, supports and fights for or with black African women.  She also has a new project under way and you should watch this space for it.  A big thank you to Vimbai for sharing her thoughts, I for one now have a better understanding of what Feminism is.

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 23: Are You Wifey Material?

Scratch that are YOU husband material?  Society really needs to take a chill pill and stop putting all this unnecessary pressure on women.  We already have this thing called treating ourselves with tender loving care first and then add labour to deal with so y’all should just give us a break.  I laughed out loud the one time I had a conversation with an unnamed man and he told me that some of the qualities he looked for in a woman who was going to be to his future wife included:

  • going to church every Sunday
  • wearing “decent” clothes
  • someone who didn’t smoke or drink
  • someone who wasn’t on social media platforms
  • someone who didn’t question his whereabouts

Basically someone who lived in the 1960s because he certainly won’t be find her in 2017 we now know better!  Ain’t nobody got time to be babying grown men and reacting to their every whim.  (Please note that I’m not married so of course I will say crap on the subject matter because I have zero experience)  Then again we all have preferences and if that’s what he is looking for who am I to stop him from choosing what makes him happy?

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Photo Credit: @riso_jeradi (Twitter)

 

In the real world a lot has changed and most women are now looking for a man with qualities that excite her loins.  There is no way anyone is willing to bend and break with the wrong person for the rest of their lives so women now have a “husband material” list as well and qualities obviously vary.  However, in as much as times have evolved there are still some men who want to be the head speaker when it comes to what his woman should or should not wear that time they aren’t even taking her shopping.

My opinion when it comes to this subject is that life is too damn short; dress for occasions, dress comfortably and always dress to kill.  Then again what do I know, I don’t even like wearing clothes in the first place and that’s why today’s post features guest blogger Chantelle who knows all about fashion!

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Photo Credit: @riso_jeradi (Twitter)

Fashion is an art form that allows you to create and inspire through fabrics , textures , colors you name it. I love expressing myself through what I wear and revealing a little bit of my character, who I am, what I am about with what I wear. As a creative , it’s always evolving; I can be a siren today through a little red dress and a powerhouse tomorrow through a black tailored suit.

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Photo Credit: @riso_jeradi (Twitter)

Fashion Tips
Know yourself 

When you know who you are and what you stand for , trends, especially the idiotic ones will come and go and you will not be swayed by wearing a see through fishnet as a whole dress in the name of fashion. When you know who you are, you will have your own style that will be timeless and unique to you.

Know your body  

Are you top heavy?  Bottom heavy?  Do you have a small waist or a bit of a belly?  Thick thighs?  Long legs? There is something that works for everyone. Knowing the right fit for your body type will give you a fitting silhouette and Knowing the shape of your body is a sure way to wear flattering clothes that will give you a confidence boost and a nice ass! I mean , don’t we all want a nice ass??

Dress to make yourself happy

When you dress for yourself you take back your body from the body shamers and oh so entitled critical pigs that we often call Men Are Trash and I said it! You take back the power because you are no longer allowing them and their opinions to matter.  You’re telling them I will wear this flowy short little print dress because it’s very hot outside and my legs give Venus and Rihanna a run for their money.  You are standing up to the bullies who told you no and basically dressing for yourself is a big fuck you to all the self esteem bashers out there. Plus you will love what you see every time you pass a mirror. Hello mirror selfies!!

Dress codes👗👒👜
I love guidelines especially for events, is it black tie, formal, casual, high fashion you name it.  I personally follow guidelines because it’s showing respect to someone’s vision. When people take the time to plan an event, bring it to life and invite us to be a part of their vision, the least we can do is bring a bottle of wine if it is a friends dinner party or wear what the invitation says to wear.  Although my Zimbabwean beloved country people do not have a regard for dress code as I have seen many wearing jeans and sneakers at a red carpet even, I have hope. Dress code allows the vision created to line up accordingly and as how the planners wanted it to be.  If it is a grand soirée, bring out that long train and sequins , if it is formal casual , those nice fitting jeans you have been saving and a nice tailored blazer.

A big thank you to Chantelle for sharing these priceless fashion tips with us.  She’s a Zimbabwean Fashion Blogger and you should definitely check her out her work on:

Instagram: @riso_jeradi

Twitter: @risojeradi

What’s your take on your partner policing what you wear?  Do you also have a husband or wife material list?  If yes, how’s that search going for you so far?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Secrets To Body Weight Training

Paul Bako is a vibrant young man who always had a passion for fitness. He attained a Degree in Business Management at Solusi University and worked for NSSA.  He decided to pursue his passion full time. He is a self taught Yogi who still practices Yoga regularly but he focuses on Calisthenics. Calisthenics is a discipline of body weight exercise that builds strength, increases balance, physical ability and flexibility. Paul is also an avid reader and a writer. He believes that life is meant to be experienced and not just lived so you may find him doing crazy and even risky things. An ambivert by nature he exudes positive energy and enthusiasm but you may not see him out and about too often.

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What makes you tick?

Life itself makes me tick. Just the knowledge that there is so much to see, do, know, experience and cherish makes me get up every morning. I wake up so excited to live because I don’t know which day will be my last so I make the most of all of them.

You could have chosen any form of exercise to stay fit, why did you choose calisthenics?

Calisthenics as a word originated from two Greek words which in English are ‘Beautiful Strength’. I have always been into fitness but once I saw the ability, agility, strength, flexibility, coordination and graceful manner of moving calisthenics would grant me I was sold. I chose calisthenics because it resonated with my nature. I’m free spirited, creative and progressive. Calisthenics is the same and way more.

What are your thoughts on Rest Days?

Rest Days are just as important as workout days. Working out and resting are two sides of an amazing coin. There must always be balance. If you work out a lot, rest a lot. Muscle grows and conditions when at rest. To work out more than you rest leads to burning out due to the body producing cortisol which is a stress hormone but no need to get too technical. Just rest!

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What’s your favourite meal of the day and why?

I LOVE BREAKFAST!! Breakfast sets the tone for the whole day so it is my favourite. I also have time to cook in the morning so that gets me excited.

Do you eat carbs?

I eat carbs quite a bit. I prefer clean carbs like oats and vegetables. Oh yes, vegetables have carbs too. Occasionally I indulge my sweet tooth with a bran muffin or a chocolate croissant. I just stay away from heavy starch food like sadza.

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How do you grow muscle using body weight?

That takes a bit of time to answer but in a nutshell: few sets with lots of repetitions using compound exercises that engage a number of muscle groups at once. Eating carb based food then resting comes after. Increasing intensity of exercise as you grow bigger and finally, believing in yourself. Your mind is the real key to your fitness.

What do you love about Calisthenics?

I love how easy it is to keep your workouts interesting. You can regulate how hard or easy an exercise gets with ease. I also love how easy it is to see that you are getting stronger and progressing, not to mention the fact that calisthenics chisels the body to the point of making regular men Spartans.

How often do you work out?

I work out 3 times a week for a maximum of 45 minutes. However, I stretch every other day. Real stretching is its own workout as I have come to realize but I do it for about 15 minutes so it doesn’t exhaust me.

Say I wanted to start calisthenics today how long would I have to wait to start seeing results?

If you are really focused and paying attention to your form then 21 days is all it takes to start enjoying the perks of Calisthenics.

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What can people expect at the Fitness in the Park Event on Saturday?

They can expect to see me. LOL. They can expect the story of how I started doing Calisthenics, a breakdown of the big 6 moves that make up the back bone of calisthenics and examples of the big 6. They can also expect a showcase of the type of strength, agility and craziness calisthenics promises. Maybe some Yoga flow motion too!

Any life nuggets to share with those on their fitness journey?

I have a lot of those but the most important ones would be:

  • Remember the result you want but focus on the process. If you focus on the result it will seem unattainable.
  • Approach everything you do with positivity. If you make a mistake learn from it. If you are drained rest and pick it up tomorrow. Don’t think in terms of difficulty. See everything as a challenge you surmount because you can.
  • I’ll take it right out of Kendrick’s mouth and say ‘Be Humble.’ Pride limits growth and success. Ask for help when you need it.
  • Don’t spend time in front of a mirror searching for definition. Work out till everyone around you becomes a mirror that tells you how awesome you look.
  • Celebrate every little victory because life is too short to wait for the big ones.

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Love what you do and your love will be returned tenfold. Even if its fitness love it all the same and it will give you more than you could ever bargain for.

Thank you for the beautiful feature Paul.  I am looking forward to tomorrow’s event. If you have any questions for him feel free to drop them in the comments section.

Happy Friyay!

©MaKupsy 2017