I’m Pregnant!

The year was 2011.  The month was January.  The monthly period was late by 10 whole days.  The mood was panicking the fuck outta my brains!  You see, I didn’t get my period the whole of November 2010 and then in December 2010 I had a 10 day period, something that had never happened to me before.  In my head I didn’t think much of it because I was like seeing that I missed a month maybe mother nature is doing a payback on me.  Well, she clearly wasn’t joking about procreation because when my sister and I took close to 10 pregnancy tests on the 16th of January 2011 it was official, I was pregnant!

Image from Google

 

In all honesty I don’t even know why I was shocked, the amount of sex we had been having with, let’s call him Peak for now, was insane!  Like we just couldn’t get our hands off each other and the relationship was still in a honeymoon phase and everything was going smoothly.  I have realised that I don’t seem to fall in love with people, for me love comes slowly and when it does I am so screwed.  I grew to love Peak and once I was madly in that phase he got my 110% love and affection.  That’s another story for another day.  However, it will be a story I would like Kupsy to read when she wants to know how I met her father.

Anyways, back to panic mode.  I really was pregnant, I didn’t know how to react when I first got the news.  I remember picking up the phone to tell Peak that I had to see him that day because he was out of town that weekend but he promised he would come through.  He did and when I saw him I showed him the pregnancy test.  I remember him holding me close and telling me that everything was going to be okay.  Definitely not the reaction I was expecting considering the many stories that I had heard other women tell me about how a guy can just vanish into thin air after you told him you had missed your period.  I on the other hand didn’t take the news lightly.

It was only after I had seen him and told him that I started to react to the news.  I have never cried so much in my life.  I cried buckets that day and I was uncontrollable he didn’t even know what to do.  Why was I crying?  I wasn’t ready to be a mother, I had so many things I wanted to do before that big step, I didn’t think I was going to get pregnant because well, we actually thought the withdrawal (pull out) method was a sure way to avoid getting pregnant.  BIGGEST JOKE EVER!  Why wasn’t I on any form of contraceptive?  Well, just before Christmas we had actually agreed that I needed to get onto something because we didn’t want to risk me falling pregnant but here we were…

I went to the General Practitioner the  following Monday who then referred me to a Gynecologist and set up all the appointments and medical tests I needed to go through in preparation for my 9 month pregnancy journey.  The weirdest thing about all this was that it was only after the results confirmed that I was really pregnant that I started getting pregnancy symptoms.  You can read all about my pregnancy over here.

Do you remember what you went through when you first found out you were pregnant, care to share?

A moment in my belly, a lifetime in my heart…

©MaKupsy 2019

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16 Survival Tips For New Mothers

The following new mum survival tips are from some of my friends and I.  I hope they will come in handy.  Please feel free to add any other tips in the comments section.

Image from Google

1. Keep your hands clean.  You should always make sure you wash your hands when breastfeeding and handling the baby’s bottles.
2. Not every baby will like breastfeeding.  It’s not a failure on your part; remember a baby is a unique little person with likes and dislikes
3. There will be A LOT of sleepless nights.  Sleep when the baby sleeps.  Don’t even try to clean the house or do laundry or get yourself busy with something else.  The moment the baby sleeps it’s your cue to also get some rest.
4. DO NOT pick up the baby the moment the baby cries.  Give her time to soothe herself otherwise she will get used to having you scoop her up at the very first sign of tears and that will be a sure way to stop you from doing anything else.
5. Breastfeed your baby as often as you can.  Breastfeeding is like medicine for the baby.  It will stop the baby from catching colds and flues and diseases that are prone to attack new born babies.
6. You will have to master the art of taking super quick baths in case the baby wakes up.
7. Change the baby’s diapers frequently.  You don’t want the baby to have an uncomfortable rash.
8. Make Google your friend.  In the world of technology where information is just at the tip of your finger try and search for any baby concerns you have before rushing to the doctor.  You might be surprised, most answers you get actually work.
9. Make time for your spouse if you are raising the child together.  It can’t be about the baby all the time.  (Not that it’s a bad thing) but your partner also wants to feel loved.  You can have someone watch the baby for a day while you catch up on each other.
10. You alone know your baby. If you feel something is not right then it probably is. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
11. DO NOT try and do too much too soon.  Yes, I know you will miss your pre pregnancy body and want to get right back to exercising but give yourself time to heal.  After all you were pregnant for a whole nine months and it will take time for your body to start getting back to normal.  Relax and enjoy your baby for now.
12. A baby will be happy one day and a downright monster on another day. That doesn’t make you a lousy mum. You will bathe the baby, feed the baby, sing for the baby and nothing will work.  It’s just baby having a bad day.
13. Make sure you eat healthy and balanced meals and keep your mind from worry.  Babies seem to sense it when you are unhappy and end up crying for days because mummy is not happy.
14. When people come to see the newborn baby, please give them tasks to help you with around the house. Let them know beforehand that a little help will be required. The last thing you want is to be standing around catering to a clan of twenty family members while trying to heal a torn vagina (sorry for the graphics) and handle a newborn. They can feel free to cook and clean up after themselves.
15. Speak positive words of affirmation to your baby and say all the wonderful things you would want them to grow up to be.  Also pray for them, nothing is as powerful as a mother’s prayer.
16. Speak out if you need help and you are failing to cope on your own.  After all,

It takes a whole village to raise a child.

This blog post is dedicated to my friend who is expecting a baby any day now.  I am totally excited for him and his wife.  It is going to be both a fun and eye opening adventure for the two of you.

©MaKupsy 2019

Throw Back Thursday

Throw Back Thursday, way back in 2011 I was pregnant and expecting my one and only child.  A lot of changes happened throughout the 9 months and these are some of the highlights.

MaKupsy 2011

• The morning sickness was from the devil himself! I had it for three straight months. I could not keep anything down and had to survive on water only.
• I could not stand the smell of uncooked beef, heated oil, milk and eggs.
• I could not stomach any form of fast food.
• I used to sleep like there was no tomorrow. My lunch break at work was dedicated to making a makeshift bed under my desk and sleeping my hour away. Thankfully I had my own office back then.  The moment I got home after work I would bath and jump into bed. Imagine going to sleep at 6pm and waking up the next day at 6am, utter madness if you ask me.
• Fruits were my best friend once the morning sickness wore off. The fruits in season at the time were masau and I would sit and eat a whole bowl of them by myself. Any other fruits were still welcome;  cucumbers were my favourite, I love loved them!
• My then best friend ended up calling my baby bump lemon because I enjoyed eating lemons with salt. I would nicely peel them, put them in a plate, sprinkle lots of salt and enjoy.
• I used to cry for no reason. The slightest thing would get me all worked up.  Pregnancy hormones are real.
• I was crazy about sex; I could never get enough of it. My libido was at its highest. The father of my child used to complain. You would think he would be happy right?  I oversexed him I suppose…
• I already am a neat freak but when my second trimester hit, the rate went on overdrive. I could not stop cleaning. I would wake up at 6am, clean the house, do the laundry, cook and bath and each time I thought of something that needed to be done I would get up and do it.
• I used to bath not once but three times a day. I always left the house looking like I was going for a special occasion.  The number of men who hit on me was worrisome.
• I loved long walks; I could not get myself to sit still.
• The visits to the gynecologist were the most uncomfortable ones. For some reason I used to think he would ask me to open my legs and take a look at my vagina!  The other reason they were never something to look forward to was because for all the 9 months I went to there on my own and I watched other women with their partners, the father of my child had no interest and used to tell me he had a doctors rooms phobia.
• My skin was flawless; I had absolutely no pimple in sight, or blemish or blackhead, nothing at all.
• I terribly missed sleeping on my tummy after my first trimester. You have no idea how precious it is to lie on your tummy until you are pregnant.
• The number of guys who attempted to ask me out for a date when I was pregnant was insane. I think some men just have a fetish for pregnant women. Either way I found it quite amusing.  My oldest sister used to complain saying “Can’t they see you’re pregnant?”
• I read a lot on pregnancy, books, magazines, online articles you name it, I read it!
• I listened to a lot of music when I was pregnant, and when I did so I could feel my baby move, I guess it was her way of saying she was enjoying the sounds.
• I talked to my unborn baby from the second trimester till the day I gave birth. I read it in some magazine that it was good for the baby.
• I have always prayed but when I was pregnant I prayed the most and the hardest. I asked God to bless me with a healthy baby and He did.

What are your Throw Back Thursday moments?  Do you have memories that you still cherish from way back when?  Let’s share and get nostalgic together.

©MaKupsy 2018

Read This If You’re Having Unprotected Sex

Amazing how some couples choose not to talk about birth control methods.  I get that it can be a very uncomfortable topic but you two already talk about everything else except this not-so-sexy subject.  A subject that might make or break you if you don’t take any action after reading this post…

Image from Pinterest

If you haven’t had the talk then you’re in luck but if you’re already deep in the strokes it’s not too late for you either.  These are some of the reasons why I think you and your partner BOTH need to go a health specialist to decide on the contraception method you will be using.

1. You get to know the contraception methods readily available to you and the advantages and disadvantages that come with them.
2. You can both make a decision on which method to use.  It takes two (or more depending on how adventurous you are) to tango so a decision you both agree on makes your sexual life a whole lot easier.
3. Men need to be more involved in sexual health issues.  Too many of them simply assume the woman is covered but is she really?
4. In the even that the method of contraception you choose to use fails you will both face the consequences so you may as well both know what to or not to expect in advance.

In my opinion this is round about the time you openly discuss how you feel about having child(ren).  The “what if the method fails” talk should also fall somewhere there because contraceptive methods are not 100% effective and anything can go wrong.  What’s the next step if you do fall pregnant?  Do you keep the baby, have an abortion, start a family, get married…lay down all the options before the situation happens so that you know how you will move forward.  Then again when things actually happen feelings might change but having a rough idea of how you will approach the situation will certainly help make better informed decisions.

Your health is important.  You and your partner should get tested not just for HIV/Aids but for STIs as well.  A lot of men in our culture are scared to get tested and get “tested through the woman.”  A case where if the woman is pregnant or goes for her routine checks he comforts himself saying that if she’s safe he is also safe.  Dear men, it’s unfortunate that it doesn’t work like that, if you are sexually active you both need to go for these tests.

You would think that being on a method of contraception would make your life easier but it comes with pros and cons!

Pros

• It’s safe, at least you will have a goodnight’s rest after unprotected sex knowing you are protected from unwanted pregnancy.
• It reduces acne for some women.
• It helps ease menstrual cramps for some women.
• Most contraceptive methods are cheap and accessible.

Cons

• Forgetfulness; especially if you’re on the pill.  You run a very high risk of falling pregnant.
• Personally the idea of going on a method of contraception is to NOT have unprotected sex but to at least know that if an “accident” happens I shouldn’t worry about it.  However, in most cases getting tested for HIV/Aids and being on a form of contraceptive method usually reads “Here’s to more raw sex.”
• Possibilities of trust issues.  I’ve heard that most men aren’t very comfortable with the idea of their woman being on contraception because he thinks she will have multiple partners.  (why are people having sex with people they don’t trust?)
• Unprotected sex is a mind blowing experience but with every stroke you stand a chance of contracting an STI.  It’s unfortunate that you can’t keep your partners privates in a bag to guard them from being used elsewhere but if you’re engaging in unprotected sex be prepared for unpleasant surprises.
• I don’t have evidence or stats to back me up but some women have highlighted that some contraceptive methods pose a chance of being infertile in the long run.

Image from Pinterest

Frankly speaking if I had known that sex came with so many complications I would have remained a virgin!  As if that’s not enough there’s now a male contraceptive and it comes in the form of a pill.  I don’t know about you but I know that I won’t have faith in a man having to be the one those kind of decisions in a relationship.  A guy can forget an entire birthday let alone remember taking a pill; it’s simply not happening for me.  I may as well go celibate!

If you’re in Zimbabwe be sure to check out some of the contraceptive methods available from my Blogger friend’s page over here.  Did you know that the withdrawal method is a form of contraception; certainly not the best method out there, I have a 6 year old daughter to remind me of this every single day.

My sentiments remain the same.  If you’re going to be having sex contraception should be a topic that should be discussed early on.  Men and women should both be very much involved in sexual health issues women especially because at the end of the day the woman is the one that bears the burden of contraception gone wrong.

What are your thoughts on the subject of birth control in a relationship?  Are you on any method, are you aware of the method your partner is on?  Are you planning on having kids anytime soon?  I’d love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

My 6 Year Old Is Being Bullied

Never in my wildest dreams did I think preschool children bullied each other.  I mean these are supposed to be sweet and innocent little human beings, where could they possibly get a mean streak from?  Turns out I was wrong, very wrong and my daughter told me the most heart breaking thing a few weeks ago.

Me: What are your favourite things in the whole wide world?

Miss Kupsy: Pizza, going to school, princess dresses and exercising with mummy.

Me: Aww sweetheart, isn’t that lovely.

Miss Kupsy: But Alex from school pinches and smacks me sometimes…

Image from Google

I gave my daughter a warm tight hug and asked her to tell me more about the incidents.  She told me that the boys were twins but only one of them gave her grief.  He apparently drinks her juice, pinches and smacks her and sometimes takes her lunch.  I was gutted!  I have never smacked her at all and here is this little person making school a nightmare for my daughter!!  I instinctively told her that she should fight back (which by the way isn’t even in her nature) but also realised that it would probably make the situation worse for her and that there surely should be another way of handling the situation.  She didn’t want to dwell on the subject any further and asked we change the subject, which we did but I had to do something about it.  I spoke to her teacher who confirmed that the little boy was indeed a problem and they had taken to smacking him whenever any child reported his behaviour and that my daughter is not the only one being picked on, there were plenty more who were victims.  Thankfully schools closed and she won’t have to face him again because she’s off to grade school.

However, I still feel that this isn’t going to end here.  I know this too well, I experienced bullying first hand and it’s not a pleasant space to find yourself in.  The form of bullying I had to deal with was isolation.  School children can be evil little creatures!

You would think bullying would stop by a certain age right?  Unfortunately for me I had more bullying in store for me in my adult life!  This time it was in the form of cyber bullying. Turns out my blog wasn’t “cool enough” to be regarded as a blog.  My writing style didn’t conform to what bloggers from my country were used to and it wasn’t a themed blog as well.  I would sit and read the most hurtful comments and wonder what exactly was wrong with being different?  I wanted and still want my blog to be a reflection of me, I have multiple layers to me, why should I restrict myself to being one set thing? 

I spoke to my close friend about my daughter being bullied and she recommended that I teach her to be bald and fight back.  I think enrolling her in a self defence class of sort will actually be to her advantage.  As women, we aren’t actually taught how to defend ourselves, if anything we are given a whole list of chores we should be able to do by a certain age and absolutely nothing on our own safety!

A male friend suggested speaking to the authorities at school the next time it happens, or better still to confront the parents of whoever gives my daughter grief, that way it would help tackle the situation head on.

According to Google; “Long-term bullying can lead to depression and feelings that you are worthless. Some of these effects can last for a long time, even into adulthood. A person who is bullied may become an adult who finds it hard to trust others, has problems making or keeping friends and lacks in confidence or self-worth.”

Image from Unsplash

I want the best for my daughter and I don’t ever want her to let one of the things that make her happy be the same thing that brings her sadness.  School is clearly her happy place and I would be more than thankful if you have any ideas or suggestions on how I can help her take care of herself at school in my absence.  I’m welcome to ideas, as long as they don’t involve her becoming a mean little person, she’s a little angel and I would like her to stay that way for as long as possible.

Have you experienced bullying?  How did you tackle the situation?  What makes people bully others?  Please help me understand this madness, I’m losing my mind!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

Day 21: The Disgrace Of Infertility In Africa

Infertility is a very hushed subject in our society.  From my observations in our society most times when the woman stays in marriage that is childless it’s usually the man who is probably facing infertility.  Us women are programmed to take it all in, the good, the bad the ugly so it’s highly likely that even when we are in very unfulfilling relationships we will stay on for the sake of love and to save face.  If the tables are turned and it’s the woman who is unable to conceive it’s a completely different ball game!

Image from Pinterest

Today I’m going to share details of a highly controversial practice that used to be a part of our Zimbabwean culture a very long time ago.  It might still be happening now but I unfortunately don’t have those details so for now let me take you back in time…

Infertile Man 

After a couple had been married for close to a year and didn’t manage to conceive eyebrows started to be raised by family members.  Aunts would have been all up in the wife’s business by then and tried to find out what was going on.  Please note that this was a private matter and the husband was not aware of what was going on behind his back.  The aunt behind the crafty plan would ask the women to her to wipe off some sperm from their bed linen after they had sex so that elders could “examine” the strength it held.  It was after this examination that plans to find someone who could help with conceiving were made.  The aunt would approach the man in question’s younger brother and tell him about the pressing matter.  If there was no younger brother they would sit down with a trusted neighbour or relative and state their case.  The older brother was not to be a part of this as he is viewed as baba(father) and could not enter his siblings home to carry this out. If the parties agreed the woman would only meet up with the man during her ovulation days and try to conceive.  Most times it worked and a few months down the line the wife was pregnant and expecting a little bundle of joy.  Problem solved, happy woman, happy man!  There was never any mention of what transpired to finally get pregnant, it was a very private matter.  (Well now it isn’t!)

Think about it…The little brother steps in and people hi 5 the man!

Image from Google

Infertile Woman

Her “condition” was an open discussion. (I have so much to say about this!)   The aunts and uncles would sit down with the couple and address the infertility subject.  They would approach the little sister to the wife in question.  If she agreed to stand in for her sister and try and give her uncle an heir a token of appreciation would be paid to the family and she would move in with the couple.  However, not all sisters agreed to this and in such cases the husband would get some of his lobola (stage 8- danga) back.  When this happened the husband was asked to marry a new wife so that he would be able to conceive and have his family name grow.  Back then most women stayed and took the role of first wife while a second wife was brought into the family and everyone lived happily ever after.

Think about this: The little sister steps in and people still look at the woman!!!

5 Facts About Infertility – extracted from www.owletcare.com

1. Infertility is generally defined as not being able to conceive after one year (or more) of unprotected sex.
2. Around one in eight couples struggle to become pregnant.
3. Both men and women can contribute to infertility.
4. There are various ways the infertility can be treated, including medicine, surgery, intrauterine insemination (IUI) or assisted reproductive technology such as in vitro fertilization (IVF). These methods aren’t always successful, and can be quite painful.
5. Secondary infertility is real; you can still experience infertility in subsequent pregnancies even after previously successful, easy-to-conceive pregnancies.

Back to my rant on Female Infertility!  Why are men’s issues kept under lock and key, why must women’s flaws be laid out to bare for all and sundry to see?  This is NOT RIGHT AT AT ALL!  What makes men so special?  Why must we be the ones to be shamed???  Imagine how a woman felt.  She was already dealing with emotional issues, feeling like a failure and now she had to face a whole group of people blaming her for being infertile?  Do you have any idea what people especially relatives say about infertile women? From accusing them of having gone through several abortions to being called a witch!  Next thing she’s depressed and no one acknowledges depression; it’s too much for me to take in.  No man, this is not how things were supposed to be handled, women have feelings too!

That said, children are a gift and unfortunately not everyone gets to receive that gift.  That should not in any way bring tension into your marriage, when the time is right it will happen and if it doesn’t happen I believe there will always be something positive to bring fulfillment in both your lives.

What are your thoughts on the subject of infertility?  How is this topic handled in your society?  If I took you back in time would you agree to the practice that I just shared with you?

Today is day 21 of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge and our topic is My Thoughts On Infertility.  Feel free to join the conversation.

MaKupsy 2017

Day 18: Sex Education

Sex posts are one of my favourite things to blog about but today I won’t take you on an erotica journey, sadly for you.  Today’s challenge requires us to write about sex on the first date but I’m taking this opportunity to reshare a post I wrote 2 years ago.  Let’s talk sex education.  Are you taking steps in educating your children about sex or you are hoping they will remain virgins till the world comes to an end?  Remember you are responsible for how they perceive a lot of things, sex included, don’t wait for someone else to feed them with false information.  Today’s read will take you less than 10 minutes to enjoy, grab some popcorn it’s about to get real!

Image from Google

You know that talk a child gets just before they enter their adolescent stage?  Well, I got that talk, the only difference was that mine was a very scary version.  You see, in our culture back then most parents were not very comfortable talking about sex with their children.  That job was left to the aunt but with people moving far and wide in the end your mother was left to do all the work and boy did she do a shoddy job of it.  In order to stop me from indulging in any sex her plan was to tell me stories that would stop me from even dreaming about having sex. (they worked for a while though)  I remember the day my mother sat me down to tell me how I should not have sex before I was married.  Mind you she didn’t even use the word sex; I am still to remember what term she used but I just concluded she meant sex.  She told me that if I got too close to a boy or even let him touch any part of my body her back would break.  THE HORROR!!  I didn’t even date anyone during my teen years because I was obviously scared shitless.  Why would I want a boy anywhere near me?  So that my mother’s back breaks??  That was definitely going to happen on my watch, I love my mother too much to cause her any harm!

And so I sailed through my teen years until one day a boy I fancied started writing me letters.  I was obviously excited and kept this my little secret.  I remember going for a walk with him one afternoon and then before we said goodbye he kissed me!  OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!  I was terrified!  I ran all the way home, locked myself in the bathroom and kept looking in the mirror to check if my parents would be able to tell if I had been kissed.  I was miserable for the rest of the day and when they came back from work I acted normal but my heart was pounding so hard I felt like it was going to jump right out of my throat.  The next morning and the weeks to come I woke up worried thinking my mother’s back would surely break after that kiss!  But of course nothing happened and years later I started dating, I even had sex (protected of course) and no one’s back ever broke, like ever!

I had to learn about sex through school mates and talks the women who would occasionally come to school and talk about not allowing anyone to touch your body.  They didn’t actually say anything about safe sex or contraceptives and the whole shebang.  And so I had to read about most of the things in books and or overhear my sisters talk about condoms then I figured that’s what you were supposed to use.  To be honest that was the only form of contraceptive I knew of; that and abstaining.  I still feel that my mother could have done a better job of informing me about sex and not have me wonder and seek answers from outside sources.  She did a very good job of letting me think that sex was a very bad thing not to be talked about, had or enjoyed because something terrible would happen to you.  At the same time I don’t blame her because she grew up in a time where such talks were unheard of.

Image from Google

I asked a few friends around me to tell me how their “birds and the bees” talk when they were younger and this is the feedback I got:

“Ahh, I don’t remember being told anything by my mum.  She just told me no boys before finishing school.”

“She gave me the finer details about sex when I was around 16.  Even told me how people have sex so that little boys wouldn’t trick me with the don’t worry it isn’t sex line.”

“She never said anything.”

“I had sex figured out from my teacher.”

“We never had the talk she just said if you get pregnant don’t ever come back home.”

“Stay away from sex because you will get pregnant!  If a boy tells you he loves you run for your life!”

I am happy and sad at the same time with this kind of feedback.  Happy because it shows that I wasn’t alone in being told ridiculous things in the name of no sex before your time.  Sad because we were not given enough information about what sex really was even though we were still too young to understand it.  At least one person out of all my friends actually got to know what sex was the rest of us have to figure it out by ourselves!

When my daughter gets to adolescent stage I will sit down with her and we will have an honest and open talk about sex and not hide anything from her so that she knows how to protect herself and be aware of the on goings of her body.  I won’t scare her or tell her any lies because I want her to know she can come to me and talk about anything at anytime.

A fellow Blogger www.conscious2conscience.wordpress.com taking part in the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge shared these sentiments;

Media will have us telling our kids too much too soon but I’m a firm believer in things being age appropriate and in parenting instincts.  When your child asks you what sex is ask them what they already know, ask why they want to know, and then take it from there.

What was your first sex talk like?  Who told you about the ins and outs of sex?

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 14: Depression In Pregnancy

I was miserable from the very day I found out I was pregnant.  I was at my oldest sister’s place for the weekend and after telling her I had missed my period we decided to do the next best thing.  I think I took the pregnancy test close to 10 times before accepting that I was pregnant.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I later went to see the general doctor and I was informed that I was nearly a month pregnant.  The water works that followed continued till months after I gave birth, it was a disaster.

Image from Pinterest

Imagine going through pregnancy with someone who keeps telling you that he doesn’t want you but the child you are carrying.  That’s what I had to endure for a whole 9 months.  I never got any special treatment, we were together yes but if I am very honest I with myself I went through everything on my own.  I went for doctors appointments on my own, I didn’t have any maternity wear, I didn’t get any back or foot rubs, I didn’t even get any pregnancy photo shoots like the ones I see when I go through photos of people that are expecting and I spent most of my days alone because the father of my child worked out of town and I only saw him on weekends when he came home.  I wasn’t going to work at the time and didn’t have any money to indulge on my cravings but thankfully food wise I loved traditional food so my mother would send through different fruits and vegetables as often as she could.  I was a moving body of hormones and I cried almost every single day.  This is round about the time I asked my Doctor friend if slitting my wrists would lead to instant death…  I didn’t realise it then but I was depressed and what was happening inside me was only magnified by what was going on in a relationship where I was clearly unloved.

My little girl was born on the 17th of September.  You would think it would be the happiest day of my life right? I cried for hours after I found out that I had given birth to a baby girl.  I thought to myself, she is going to experience what life as a black woman is like, go through all the sorts of unimaginable mental issues because to be honest being a woman and a black woman for that is not easy.

Back home with a new born baby life was difficult.  I was trying to figure out what was wrong and boy did she cry.  She cried all the time and so did I.  I didn’t leave the house for nearly 2 weeks.  I never used to cook for myself and lived on juice and water.  The only time I got up was to go and wash my daughter’s clothes, give her a bath and take care of her every need.  I remember I never used to sleep much the first few days because I was scared I would fall asleep and roll over her and suffocate her in her sleep.  It was all too much to take in.  My cousin came to visit a few weeks later and found me in bed with my daughter, curtains closed the house an absolute mess and she couldn’t believe how much weight I had lost.  For someone who had recently given birth I had lost close to 15kgs.  She took over and only then did I finally give myself a proper bath, change into decent clothes and took a walk outside for the first time after giving birth.  She was heaven sent!  She stayed with me for nearly a month until I was back on my feet again and functioning normally.

I didn’t go through depression only.  I went through pre and post natal depression!  Those who have gone through pregnancy know that pregnancy alone is already overwhelming now couple that with depression.

Image from Pinterest

It was a rough journey for me and this is the major reason why I don’t want to get pregnant again.  I don’t want to go through it with someone who doesn’t want to be completely involved in the process.  I want to be with someone who will pamper and baby me throughout the entire time.  Pregnancy is a miracle on it’s own and should be celebrated with love not sadness.  The image above shows what I want if ever I get to decide on having another baby.  It has to be all or nothing at all.  A man who will adore both me and the child I will be carrying will make pregnancy feel like a dream.

In our culture depression is not recognised and unfortunately for me I only got to find out that’s what I was going through then years after the incident.  Perhaps if I had known earlier I could have taken steps to better my situation?  I will never know…

Researchers say that some of the triggers of depression during pregnancy include:

• Relationship problems
• Family or personal history of depression
• Stressful life events
• History of abuse or trauma
• Previous pregnancy loss

Mental health is something that our culture needs to start acknowledging because it affects men, women, children alike and the more we ignore it the more people go through difficult situations without having anyone to turn to.  My advice to women in unhealthy relationships is first talk things through to find a compromise but if all else fails it’s perfectly fine to leave.  Your emotional well being is one of the most important aspects in your life that needs to be handled with tender loving care.

Set Fire To The Rain by Adele played throughout the time I was in labour, a whole 17 hours of it!

Thankfully my experience with pre and post natal depression is all in the past now and I’m healthy, happy and living my best life!

Have you experienced depression before, if yes how did you deal with it?

©MaKupsy 2017

The Single Independent Mother

I have some saving tips from a single mother who is in her 40’s.  I think everyone will benefit from this post and I took this pretty seriously because she clearly has more years experience on raising a child single-handedly.  Take out your pen and paper…

1. Cut your hair, imagine the amount of money you are spending on hairdos that you could be saving for better use for you and your child.
2. Live within your means.
3. Do not compare yourself with people who are married, they have a double income you only have one, stay in your lane.
4. Save some money each month, it doesn’t matter how little, trust me it will go a long way.
5. Do not buy on credit, especially clothes, save to pay everything with cash.
6. Take a lunchbox to work with healthy home made meals or sandwiches.
7. Make friends with women in a similar situation who understand your struggles better.
8. Do what works for you, do not try to please anyone.
9. Set targets for yourself and make sure you reach them, it might take time but eventually you will get there.
10. Learn how to sew, simple things like replacing a button and hemming your pants will go a long way for your pocket.

If you live by most of these rules you might actually get round to going for that holiday you have been dying for!

Photo Credit : @summer_rose_ (Instagram)

©MaKupsy 2017

Children Need Outdoor Play Too!

I realised last weekend that the only activity I manage to do with Miss Kupsy when I go home for the weekend in Marondera is go and grab a bite.  We usually settle for pizza and icecream because that is the ONLY take out place in the whole town.  When I bring her to Harare that is a completely different case because the options of things to do are countless.

Image from Google

However, today my main concern is the lack of outdoor play areas for children in my hometown.  When I was growing up there was a functional swimming pool, a video game centre, a movie house, a tennis court, a basketball court and a park which actually had swings, slides the works!  Ask me what has happened to these play areas?  Well, the swimming pool since stopped working years ago, the video game centre is not used for that anymore, I am still to find out what is going on there, the movie house was turned into a bar, the tennis court now has people setting up stalls to sell second hand clothes, the basketball court is being used as an area to line laundry and the park… oh well; just another dump in town with no swings at all and a lot of litter.

It annoys me that whoever is responsible for town planning does not take the children in the community into consideration.  Where in the world are they supposed to play?  I mean, they can’t possibly stay indoors all day long, or play on the streets or around their house till kingdom come.  They obviously get tired just like everyone else and need a break and need to socialise with children their age.  And if you ask me this should be something that can be done without having to fork out a lot of money if any at all.  Imagine if all they are going to be exposed to is eating unhealthy take out?  I can just picture a whole bunch of adults suffering for weight issues in the near future…

The following points are (based on Wardle, 1996-2003) describe the main reasons why outdoor play is critical for the healthy development of young children.  I took a few points from the article.

Physical Exercise Children need to develop large motor and small motor skills and cardiovascular endurance.

Enjoyment of the Outdoors Outdoor play is one of the things that characterize childhood. And as Lord Nuffield once said, the best preparation for adulthood is to have a full and enjoyable childhood.

Learning about the World Outdoor play enables young children to learn lots and lots and lots of things about the world. How does ice feel and sound? Can sticks stand up in sand? How do plants grow? How does mud feel?

Learning about Self and the Environment To learn about their own physical and emotional capabilities, children must push their limits. Health Everyone who works with young children in early childhood programs and schools knows how quickly bacteria and viruses spread in these environments. One way to reduce the spread of infection is through lots and lots of fresh air.

Definitely NOT in Marondera

Then you wonder why I am thoroughly upset with Marondera Town Council?  Do you see all those benefits of outdoor fun for children? It seems those in the powers that be do not have children as a part of their programme because if they did surely there would be at least ONE play area where children can just have a grand time.

Miss Kupsy loves the outdoors and I feel bad that the only open space she has to play is at home.  I hope someone addresses this  issue and something is done about it.  When I think back to my own childhood, some of their fondest memories are of outdoor places and activities I got up to (I will never forget the first time I fell off a tree trying to climb to the top) I hope Miss Kupsy and all the other children in the community do not get deprived of that opportunity. All children have the right to basic childhood needs…jumping, running, climbing, swinging, racing, yelling, rolling, hiding, and making a big mess,it is what childhood is all about!

©MaKupsy 2017