Social Media & Dating

Social media has taken relationships to a whole new level.  Now you get to publicly share your private and intimate moments that you indulge in with your significant other. It’s interesting to watch couples in love, swooning all over each other and posting selfies with on social media with cute captions.  However, I have mixed feelings when it comes to publicising who you are dating on social media platforms for the following reasons:

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Image from Pinterest

Pros

  1. When you are in love you want the whole world to know and it’s only normal to want your social media friends to share your happiness.
  2. When you post your significant other people will know they are taken and *hopefully* stay away.
  3. Posting your significant other is also a sign of confidence in who you are dating.

Cons

  1. If you need to conceal your significant other from the world then what the heck are the two of you doing together? Please note there is a difference between being private and being a big secret.
  2. Most people on social media have a sense of entitlement. They feel that just because you share pictures with your significant other they now have the right to know intimate details of your relationship; people prying and needing to know why a couple broke up.  I have been guilty of this myself at some point in my life.  It’s not a good trait, we should learn to mind our own business…then again, people make it our business!
  3. You can’t help but feel like you have to live up to social media expectations because people now expect to see demonstrations and expressions of your love on special occasions. Take a birthday for instance, people want to see what you get on your special day and if your significant other is really #BaeGoals or not (feel free to Google that hash tag).  Talk about pressure!
  4. Some people are attracted to someone who is already taken…need I say more?
  5. Imagine posting your significant other every single day on social media and then one day you break up and you have close to 100 pictures of them all over your online space. The stress of deleting each picture one by one is something I shudder to imagine.
  6. You can’t express your opinions about relationships in peace without people thinking you are talking about your significant other. You can’t even join the #MenAreTrash movement because we will quickly assume your man is trash too! L.O.L

Ever noticed how people with money don’t make noise about it?  Take Strive Masiyiwa for example, the man is a whole millionaire but you don’t hear ad nauseum about his success or how he spends his millions. I think it the same applies to couples who are genuinely in love.  They keep it classy, you know they are dating, they share pictures yes but they keep it to a minimum and you actually look forward to their social media posts.

Then there is this one guy whose name I shall not care to mention but brags about his financial status on social media platforms like, come on!  I mean dude, you have money, we get it but why do you feel the need to tell us ALL about your life in a bag of chips?  Gosh, is he annoying or what?!  These are my sentiments about couples who over-share on social media.  Why do you find it necessary to bombard people with posts about your significant other every other hour telling us how great your relationship is going? Sometimes I can’t help but feel that people like that feel inadequate and are seeking validation, then again that’s just me.

Showcasing your love on social media is just like having a wedding.  Some will be happy for you, others will not be amused and the rest might wish you misfortune.  BUT that doesn’t mean people should stop getting married because people will receive the news differently.  Love should be celebrated whenever it can be! – Batanai Tuwe

What are your thoughts on the subject?  Do you share pictures of your significant other on social media platforms?  If yes, how is that going for you so far?  If not, what’s the reason behind it?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Free Blogging Tips And Tricks

I wish I knew someone had given me these blogging tips and tricks when I started out.  I have been blogging for the past 3 years and over time I have gathered a few blogging tips which I randomly share with people who are starting out.  This morning I decided to compile the entire list and share it with you because I know there is a beginner out there wondering where to begin; how to make their work visible in a world full of bloggers and how to keep readers coming back for more.  Take out your pen and paper and get ready to take note of these blogging tips and tricks which by the way fall in no particular order.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. Choose a user-friendly blogging platform. When I started out my first few posts were on Blogger.com it didn’t make me happy so I changed to WordPress after a friend recommended it. (best decision ever!)
  2. Proof read your work over and over again.  You don’t want to be that blogger who publishes work that has typos or grammatical errors.  Even after publishing your post it’s important to read through it to make sure everything is in check.
  3. Keep it short and sweet.  You don’t want to overwhelm your readers with too many words.  Yes, sometimes it’s okay to write up a lengthy read but remember we are living in a time where your readers attention will easily be distracted by something else.
  4. Explore new adventures.  Whenever I hit a writers block I try something new.  It can be taking a walk using a different route, eat out at a new restaurant, visit a friend in a different part of town or write about a deep dark secret that I haven’t shared with anyone. (this depends on how brave you are)
  5. Read, reblog, share(on your blog or on other social media platforms) and comment on other blogs.  That way you get conversations going and other readers will visit your blog to read what you’re about.
  6. Don’t bombard people with your links on social media once your blog post is out.  I used to be guilty of this.  Tagging a million people on my blog post link.  From experience most people actually won’t read it so it’s best to tag a friend or two that you know will actually read your work.
  7. Connect with your reader.  Each time you decide to write a post ask yourself if it will teach something, make someone laugh, inspire them, have them remember a similar incident, make them sad?  In short whatever you decide to write make sure it brings some form of emotion.
  8. Plan.  Write down how often you want to write, what time, which topics and get on with it.  Have some form of a routine which your readers will get accustomed to.  It can be writing twice or five times a week whatever you decide do it religiously.

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    I love writing about events in my city 🙂

  9. Write about what you are passionate about.  When I started I asked other bloggers what I could write about and most of them suggested I have a blog that was set in stone.  I am a versatile individual and I knew that sort of blog would soon have me running out of things to write.  I decided to have a lifestyle blog instead.  That way I am able to write about any and everything.  I look forward to writing on my blog and sometimes I have to stop myself because I end up oversharing…But you get where this is going right?  Make your blog something that you enjoy and write the sh*t out of it otherwise your interest in it will soon waver.
  10. Follow other bloggers on the blogging platform you choose as well as on other social media platforms.  My personal favourite place to find new bloggers from across the globe is @AfroBloggers
  11. Use images on your blog posts.  Never ending text gets boring.
  12. Respond to your readers comments as soon as you can.  I try and not let a comment go for 3 days without being answered.  You want your readers to know that you appreciate them and this is a sure way of doing it.  If you ignore their contributions whether good or bad chances of them reading, sharing your work or even coming back to your blog are close to none.
  13. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Unfortunately you can’t be good at everything and it is perfectly okay to ask other bloggers how to do certain things.  I didn’t know how to add Testimonials to my blog but thanks to a fellow blogger I can now do it with my eyes closed.
  14. Use catchy titles for your blog posts.  You want your reader to get curious and click on your link to read your post.  These are my two personal favourite blog posts that got my readers going crazy! 30 Things Women Want Men To Know and 8 Wallet Friendly Date Ideas.
  15. Read!  I can  not stress this enough. I think every good writer out there reads a lot. You will be exposed to a wide range of words, you will get to read other styles of writing and it will give you some ideas for your blog as well.
  16. Choose an attractive theme. You want your blog to stand out and also have your readers come back for more.  I have probably changed my theme 4 times to date and I am currently loving the current one, it looks fresh!
  17. DO NOT PLAGARISE.  People work hard on their blog posts whatever you do always give credit to the owner’s work if you choose to use it and that includes pictures.
  18. Reschedule your posts. Sometimes you write up a blog post that doesn’t get enough traffic and it’s perfectly okay to reschedule it for another time.  You don’t always have to write up new content.
  19. Self promote.  You are your own biggest cheerleader.  Whenever you get the chance to mention a blog post that relates to a certain subject on social media platforms be sure to have links ready to share.  Tell your friends, family, social media fans about your blog post until they know the link by heart.
  20. Be 100% YOU.  I can not stress this enough.  If you try and imitate someone else you won’t last in the blogging world.  Keep your blog authentic and you will never run out of inspiration.

*BONUS TIP* Use tags on your blog posts.  Don’t just leave that area blank.  When bloggers search for certain words you want your blog to also be a part of of the links that show up under the search.

These are my blogging tips.  I was hoping to keep them short but it seems I just couldn’t stop myself from sharing more blogging tips.  This is just how much I get carried away!!  I strongly feel that if you specialise in something then by all means share information so that you can help the next person grow.

I know there are other blogging tips that I left out and I would love to read any additional ones that you might have in the comments section.

©MaKupsy

My Battle With Suicidal Thoughts

In our African Culture suicide is something people don’t openly talk about.  I would like to believe there are people who have gone through what I used to go through but never told a soul or perhaps went on to carry out the act of suicide because they had no one else to turn to.  This is not an easy post for me to write because I know it will open old wounds and raise eyebrows but I feel it’s a story that needs to be shared and hopefully help someone who is probably contemplating suicide.

I have three close friends and I have told them about my battle with suicide thoughts.  It wasn’t something I just woke up one morning and decided to share with them; I had to make sure I could trust them with my dark side and have confidence that they would not ridicule me…I have always been a neat freak.  The state of my house reflects the thoughts in my head.  If I am in a happy and healthy space my house is sparkling clean.  If I am upset and overwhelmed then as you can expect my house will be an actual mess.

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Image from Pinterest

However, there was a time being a neat freak was not only about keeping my house clean.  It was my way of preparing to leave.  Why was I sticking around anyway, no one loved me, no one cared about me or believed in me so what wast the point of it all?  I thought to myself if I finally decide to end my life then at least people should come to a clean house and pack my things away without a hassle.

This happened to me for months on end. I would think about how I was going to go about it.  I walk to work and I cross a very busy street.  Some days I would contemplate throwing myself right in front of an oncoming car, other days I would think of jumping off from an office building and on the worst days I would think of getting run over by a train.  The one time I even asked my doctor friend if slitting my wrists would kill me.  I obviously asked in a round about way and when he told me it would send me straight to my death bed I had one more method to add to my list.  What made all these thoughts more real was all the suicide incidents that I would read about in the paper every other day and I would think to myself, why not; this will definitely end all my misery!  I was in a very dark space and what fueled these suicide thoughts were the obstacles that I kept facing; (heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams, low self esteem, no life purpose).  

The thing about suicidal thoughts is that you can’t go around telling people that’s what’s going on in your head incase they might think you have lost your marbles.  You will be fighting demons that you can’t see but can feel at every waking moment.  I had an injured soul and I took to many devices to try and cure it with no luck.  My friend used to complain about my “mood swings” not realising that they had more to do with my thoughts more than anyone in particular.  I could go for weeks, months on end without wanting to speak to her and some of my friends.  I just wanted to be left alone.  I withdrew from social media platforms, I even stopped going out but took to drinking alcohol instead to numb my thoughts.

From my experience suicidal thoughts come with depression which is unfortunately not acknowledged in our culture.  Tell most people that you are depressed and they will tell you to get over it.  I know you are reading this probably asking yourself why I didn’t talk to anyone about what I was going through.  Well, I did actually but I didn’t tell them the full details. What I got in return was “It’s a phase it will pass.”  Unfortunately this phase stuck with me from College days till just a few years ago when the suicidal thoughts finally left and set me free.

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Image from Pinterest

I would be lying if I tried to give you a formula on how to get rid of that heavy feeling you feel around your chest.  The thoughts of how you are worthless and how you are not serving any purpose on this earth.  The thoughts that suicide will make things right for you.  I don’t have that because for me I just woke up one morning and the dark cloud that had been hovering above me was gone.  I think whatever it was realised that it was putting me through unnecessary pain because with each day I was becoming more and more disinterested in life and I could hardly recognise myself.

Suicide is real.  I have seen friends take their lives over a heartbreak, people throw themselves off a building because of financial stress and wives burn themselves to death after finding out about their husband’s infidelity.  Before I experienced suicidal thoughts I mocked them and thought to myself who in their right minds would end their lives over things that could be fixed? I hadn’t walked in their shoes and it was easy for me to judge them.  I didn’t know that sometimes the thoughts in your head can be so bad you have to find a way to run away from them and suicide may be the only way out.  Now I understand that some people, me included will go through and have gone through some dark phases in their lives and unfortunately for some they will not live to tell their story but for the lucky few you get a chance at life again.

I am thankful that I never went through any attempt to commit suicide.  It all ended in my head.  Had I gone through with it I would have never had the chance to see my beautiful little girl.  I would have not seen how much of a positive and determined individual I have become and I would not have had the chance to write this and share this with you.

I am generally a bubbly individual. I have great days and not so great ones but my life experience so far has made me realise that we are all going through something.  It’s easy for us to forget to be kind to the next person but if you can be good to those around you.  You never know the difference your encouraging words or smile can alter their entire day.  Your positive energy may the the one reason they won’t go ahead and commit suicide.

In most cases of suicide a person doesn’t want to die they just want to stop the pain.

©MaKupsy 2017

Marriage Is A Journey

Marriage is a journey.  I know this because I read it on the news feed of one of my favourite couples on Facebook.  I randomly stalk their page and each time I do so there is always something inspirational and heartwarming.  Today this is what I bumped into.

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Cynthia & Her Husband Sean

Marriage is like buying a second hand car. What attracted you to it was probably the shiny paint, the interior, the sound system etc, and it felt like a “new car” to you.
You then bought the car , entered into a relationship with it to start your own car journey experience. Your journey with the “new car” was an adventure as you began finding out things you never knew existed! 


You set off to go on your journey which is 1500 miles away, but it doesn’t bother you because you know the journey will be worth it! A third into your journey you hear a weird sound and you smell  something that wasn’t there before you can’t put your finger on it but you know something isn’t right!


You’re at a strange place with a now strange car and you’re faced with a dilemma!
1. Do you get the car checked out, fixed so you can continue on your journey? Or…..
2. Do you accept it as a loss, abort the journey forfeit your destination and find your way back to where you started? 


Marriage is a journey…


It’s an adventure, quite exciting and exhilarating at the beginning, but then the going will get tough at some point, you begin to see characteristics you never knew existed, you get disappointed, you feel let down, angry  feel like throwing in the towel.  You feel like it’s easier to just get a brand new car, but even those break down at some point too, so what will happen then??


You get to know your car  you get it fixed, you continue with the journey, it will be an experience, your own adventure, embrace it, focus on your destination!! It’ll be worth it.
Marriage is not for quitters, neither is it for the faint hearted!

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Cynthia is a Gym Addict and you can find her on Instagram where she always posts some mouth watering food and you can also find her on Facebook ,where she shares her fitness workouts.

Are you married?  If yes, what are some of the marriage nuggets you have to share?  Feel free to drop your thoughts in the comments section.

©MaKupsy 2017

Take Time To Unpack

School days are the best days of your life?  I think not!  I remember the year, 1993 it was sometime before Christmas.  My parents told me that I could write up a list of friends I would invite over for a party and I was delighted.  I used to have a birthday celebration each year but it was always with my siblings and hardly ever with my friends so you can imagine the excitement.  A few days later I was informed that we were going to Marondera and I didn’t read much into it.  My grandmother stayed there and we visited her often so for me it was just another trip to see Gogo(grandmother).  I was wrong, we were moving and no one even cared to tell me.

It was only when we arrived in Marondera and we didn’t go to Gogo’s place that I realised that something was amiss.  I was shown our new home and what was going to be my new bedroom and I was not amused.  You see, when we were in Chinhoyi the house we stayed in was tripple the size of the one I saw before my eyes.  The neighbourhood was completely different, I knew no one except my cousins who stayed I didn’t even know where because we met when we all went to Gogo’s place.  I was devastated.  I actually cried buckets and told my parents I wanted to go back to Chinhoyi and be with my friends, my school and everything that I was familiar with.  Mothers back then didn’t take tantrums lightly and my mother would whoop my ass for being dramatic.  I cried myself to sleep so many nights, I missed my friends.  I missed home.

I had to attend a new school and as you can imagine I felt like an outsider.  Making friends was a real mission.  I loved sport, I could swim and play tennis but I didn’t make it to the team because the school already had their set of students they had already “chosen”.  I remember taking up hockey instead and I struck some luck there and ended up being in the team.  Even after trying to make friends through sport people didn’t seem to like me.  I was bullied and secluded.  The one time all the girls in my class called for a meeting and sat me down.  I don’t remember what it was about but I remember walking home in tears and wishing I would either go back to Chinhoyi or die.  Children can be really cruel and to date I don’t understand why they treated me that way.

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Image from Google

At home my father never wanted me to leave the house.  I was always under lock and key.  The only time I was allowed to play outside the gate was when I went out to ride my bicycle.  That was one of my favourite things to do.  A few weeks after we moved my bicycle was stolen and I was left with nothing else to do with my time.  Eventually I was allowed to go and play with children my age but only till a certain time of day then it was back to being under lock and key.

I still have memories of having to sit outside during break time by myself because the other girls were “punishing me”.  Was it because they had already established who their friends were and I was messing up things for them by being the newbie?  Was it because I loved to take part in sporting activities?  Was it because I didn’t know anything about the town?  I had and still have so many questions because I can’t imagine why people would have such a strong feeling of dislike of someone they really didn’t know.

I never looked forward to going to school.  I hated every minute of it.  I remember telling my parents about what was happening but they brushed it off.  There were a lot of incidents that happened that I won’t dwell on because as it is I am typing this and crying at the same time, the wounds are resurfacing all over again!  I grew up telling myself that once I am done with school I am never coming back to Marondera if it’s the last thing I do.  I hate that place, it has so many unpleasant memories.  Each time I travel and I start feeling home sick it’s not Marondera I will be thinking of, I will be thinking of my home here in Harare.  It was only yesterday that it dawned on me that this is the reason I never enjoy my visits to Marondera, the place haunts me…

 

©MaKupsy 2016

My Sleep Paralysis Experience

Sleep paralysis happened to me once before when I was still in College.  It did not give me too much of a fright.  I brushed it off as something that happens to everyone in this lifetime.  However, the year 2013 gave me such chills I have never forgotten the experience to date.  It happened sometime in winter, those two incidents have stuck in my memory bank all this time and nothing will probably shake it off, just writing about it is actually starting to make my heart beat very fast.  This is my sleep paralysis experience…

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Image from Pinterest

It had been a long day and all I wanted to do that evening was take my evening bath and get some rest.  I remember fixing a hot water bottle and making sure my apartment was securely locked and all lights were switched off.  (I am extremely sensitive to light so I sleep in complete darkness.)  Within minutes I had dozed off to la la land.  I rarely dream, or maybe I just forget the dreams because they are probably not that interesting but on this particular night I felt a presence in my apartment.  I wasn’t sure if I was asleep or awake but I lay as still as a log to make sure whatever that had entered would leave without noticing me.  All my doors were locked and closed but from my bed I could see through the walls and I saw a dark shadow move from the entrance to my apartment all the way to my bedroom.  I could not make out the face of the shadow but it had an outline of a woman.  The shadow came right next to my bedside and started moving down towards me.  Petrified does not even begin to explain what I was feeling at that moment, I was unable to move or scream for help.  The shadow kept coming closer and closer, it felt like it was trying to suck the life out of me, I saw the hollow outline of a wide open mouth and my eyes nearly popped out of my sockets!  I started screaming for help but in my attempts I could tell that I was screaming but no sound was coming out of my mouth.  I was paralysed and could not do anything; I honestly thought I was going to die right there and then.  I started to say the Lord’s Prayer over and over again and just before the shadow had completely enveloped me I woke up!  I was sweating, panting and crying all at the same time, I didn’t understand if I had been awake or asleep but whatever the case was I had no intentions of staying at home after such an experience, I checked the time, it was 1am and I had to go somewhere, anywhere but home…

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Image from Pinterest

You would think after such an experience sleep paralysis would never occur anytime soon right? Wrong!  Just a few days after that incident I had another bad “dream”.  I was being chased by a woman through the woods.  I was running as fast as my feet could carry me but this woman kept coming for me.  I ended up in a graveyard.  There were men at work digging up a grave but I was puzzled why they were doing so because it was late at night.  I called out to them to help me but it seemed they could not hear me.  I tried to hide from the woman chasing me. There were several tombstones in sight and thought she would not see me if I was behind them. It was pointless because they kept crumbling down each time I went behind any one of them.  I started feeling tired and I was running slower now and before I knew what was happening one of the graves I stepped on started giving in and I was being swallowed into the ground!  I kept screaming for help to no avail and as I was being swallowed in I found myself falling right onto my bed and feeling an uninvited presence pulling me from underneath my bed.  This time around I could not move, scream or say a prayer, I just felt tears streaming down my eyes.  I remember hearing a knock on my door but it felt so faint.  Within minutes it kept getting louder and I somehow managed to wake up and rush to the door.  The moment I heard a female voice from the other side of the door I screamed the place down and woke up.  Almost everyone in the apartment building was alarmed and the woman on the other side kept asking if I was okay and if I should open the door.  I simply said I was okay and she explained that she had not been knocking on my door but on my neighbour’s door.  I didn’t open my door and went back to my bedroom.  I looked at the time.  1am!

That week was probably the worst week of my life.  I had a friend who worked by a 24 hour food outlet and I had to go and sit and chat with him or sometimes just sit in the shop and play on my phone.  I needed a distraction, something, anything that would stop me from experiencing another sleep paralysis incident. I remember bumping into my friend Larry on one of the random days.  We were both grabbing pizza at the food outlet and I am sure he was puzzled as to why I was getting food at around 2am.  I was sleep deprived for an entire week, going to bed was my biggest nightmare.  I didn’t know what to do to make it go away but it eventually did go away after popping some sleeping tablets and then having trouble sleeping without taking them, the vicious cycle!

I did get back to sleeping soundly and I have not experienced another sleep paralysis incident.  However, I did learn that sleeping alone might be a great thing but can be a great disadvantage when things like this happen.  It got me thinking that I could actually die in my sleep and no one would know until days later.  It also got me thinking that when you are scared out of your mind it would be nice to actually have someone to cuddle up to and probably have them wake you up when they hear that you are experiencing some form of disturbed sleep and cut your horrific experience short!

I am curious to hear from you, have you experienced sleep paralysis at any point in your life?  If yes, how did you deal with it?  Please share tips, I am sure they will help a soul or two.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Would You Take Your Ex Back?

Yes, I am guilty of getting back with one okay maybe two ex boyfriends in the past with the hope that things will work out and we will live happily ever after.  However, over time I have come to the conclusion that it might not be the best for me, I should simply let bygones be bygones and here are my reasons why;

  • The same things we argued about before we broke up were the same reasons we fought over after getting back together.
  • People don’t change, we broke up with a certain ex because he wasn’t faithful, and after trying again he was still unfaithful.
  • I value my health and in this day and age of HIV/Aids one can’t be taking risks on their health.  You don’t know where your ex has been and what they have been up to the time you were apart and taking them back might just risk your health.
  • Someone takes advantage of you the moment they realise you keep taking them back even after they have hurt you.
  • Physical abuse is not a pleasant experience and I will never again be associated with anyone who puts his hands on me.  Not only is it physically damaging it also affects you emotionally.
  • I don’t want them thinking they have a hold on me!
  • There is a high chance you will break up again anyway.

But wait… it has worked out pretty well for other people, I just have been the unfortunate one.  Those who have rekindled their love after breaking up share these thoughts:

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Photo Credit: Luwy Kay(Facebook) & her boyfriend, are they just not adorable!! 🙂

We were both financially unstable and separated by distance.  We decided to break up and when we were both in the same country we would give our love another try and years later we got married and have a beautiful baby together.

 

The love and connection we felt for each other was stronger than anything we had felt before and close to 20 years later we got back together and started a family.

 

He wanted to get married, I wanted to focus on my career.  We wanted different things and decided to break up.  After I finished University I bumped into him at the Mall and we got back to talking.  We will be moving in to an apartment we chose together a few months ago. 🙂

You know what they say about life?  It sure is full of surprises!  What might not work for you will work wonders for the next person.  Some people got their happy ending and well, the rest of us are on that  “do not let an ex be the reason you don’t move on and find happiness and true love” tip!  In my opinion once you say your goodbyes that must be enough to let you know that chapter of your life is closed.

Let’s talk about taking back your ex lover.  Have you tried it before?  How did that work out for you?

©MaKupsy 2017

You Can Make It Happen!

I like to describe myself as a “Go Getter” because from a very young age I have managed to make things happen on my own.  I think the huge age gap between my siblings and I played a part in that because I felt like an only child.  They were in boarding school the greater part of the time and I was at home with my parents with no one else to play with except myself. That right there is the one reason I became one adventurous child.  I had nothing but time on my hands and I experimented with climbing trees, playing tennis and attempting to walk from preschool to our house because my dad had delayed in picking me up.  The adventures are plenty and I am going to tell you all about them.

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3 year old me 🙂 Kariba

Swimming

Anyone who claims to know me will tell you that I LOVE to swim.  That’s my summer highlight.  I am out in my swimwear ready to dive into some cool, calming water.  It’s my next exercise of choice, actually, it’s not even an exercise it’s one of the many things I love to do.  How did it all start?  Everyone in my family can swim and the time we stayed in Kariba we would all go to the pool for an afternoon of fun in the sun.  They took me with them, put some floaters on my arms and let me enjoy the water.  When we moved to Chinhoyi a few years later my swimming obsession went crazy because we had a swimming pool by our house and at every given opportunity I was out there trying to learn how to swim with or without supervision.  I remember the one time I slipped and nearly drowned; I thought if my mother had found out  I had gone unsupervised I was going to die twice!! I continued to teach myself how to swim and by the time I started preschool I was water confident and remember graduating from the shallow end to the deep end in a matter of weeks.  Years later, Miss Kupsy has inherited my love for swimming and I take her with at every opportunity.

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Image from Google

Riding A Bike

I had a cute little red and yellow tricycle. Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures of it but I remember it very vividly.  I loved that little tricycle, it got me to the swimming pool faster than the speed of lighting. I soon outgrew it and got a bicycle with helpers as a birthday gift.  Seeing that my parents were at work the greater part of the time it was up to me to learn to how to ride the “big bike”.  I don’t know how many times I fell off that little bike but with every fall I kept getting back up and trying again.  That very day I remember my dad driving in and me racing my bike down the drive way to show him that I had figured out how to ride my bike.  He was so proud of me and promised to let me ride it to see one of my friends who stayed close by after a few days.  I still have scars on my knees from the countless falls I had on that day but they were all worth it because if I had not pushed myself I probably would have never learnt how to do so.

60e946cc-7cba-4ca4-b3ab-fdfc6e93561aSocial Media

I remember begging the father of my child to teach me how to use Twitter.  The guy would act like I was talking to myself.  He just said open an account and figure it out.  I was thoroughly annoyed.  I really thought he would sit down with me and give me a full on lecture on how to Tweet!  I was dying for a break from Facebook so I decided I would sign up and give it a try.  My first tweet read; “Tweet tweet hurray” not bad for a first timer right?  Don’t ask about the hash tags though, in my defense I was still new to the application and I was trying to navigate my way around it.  6 years later my followers have grown and not only do I have a Lifestyle Blog; I also have a Fitness Blog and a Fitness Movement that stemmed from my use of Twitter and social media.  My social media presence has exposed me to different opportunities and I continue to network with people who have dropped some valuable gems in my life.  I can safely say that the use of social media helped me to find my purpose.

If there is one thing that I have learnt through all the above experiences it is the fact that self taught skills are the best experiences life has to offer.  If you really want something sometimes waiting for someone to come and spoon feed you is not the best of decisions.  Get up and do something about those things you want to learn or do.  It can be writing a book,(watch this space for my book in December 2018!!) going back to school, designing a website, applying for that Visa and get to explore a whole new continent.  Whatever the case might be the power is within you to make it happen.

 

However, you must remember that it will take time.  If you want to build something worth your while make an extra effort to learn as much as you can on the subject at hand, network with those in the know, keep voice memos when an idea comes to mind; you don’t want to let it slip your mind!  Above all else, keep believing that you can do anything you set your mind to.

You are the creator of your own destiny.

Do tell me about some of the things on your to-do-list.  Have you already started working on them or you are waiting for a miracle to happen?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

15 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

You are definitely one of the lucky few people on this planet if you have not gone through a heartbreak.  In my opinion the pain that comes with it is right there next to labour pains.  It is something you don’t want to experience more than once because the pain usually scars you for weeks, months and sometimes years to come.  I asked some of my favourite people on Twitter to share how they managed to get over a heartbreak and as always they didn’t disappoint!  I like to keep opinions anonymous so names are not mentioned.  Their healing processes and some of mine are in the list below.  Kick back, grab your notepad and fix yourself a strong cup of coffee you will want to keep this!

  1. Cry. Cry yourself to sleep, cry yourself through the day, cry each time you listen to that sappy song that reminds you of him, heck cry yourself a whole river!  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, crying will help wash away the pain.  Whatever you do, DO NOT internalise your emotions.
  2. Get high or die trying. Seriously.  Nothing makes you feel better like a good old smoke.  You are guaranteed of short term memory loss which is a good thing because you can focus on the feel good sensation and forget about your broken heart for a while.  Proven effects include joy, euphoria, contentedness and a care-free attitude!
  3. Cut contact, otherwise you will find yourself snooping on their social media this is very unhealthy.   I suggest you actually take a social media fast for the next 30 days in a bid to protect yourself.  The last thing you want to do is see your ex partner all loved up on Instagram.  That will actually do you more harm than good, heartbreak and social media are NOT friends!
  4. Get up under someone new.  Try this at your own risk.  An orgasm a day keeps the stress away.  Yes, I made that saying up but it’s a sure way to take your mind off your ex but just make sure whoever you decide to have sex with will actually shower you with multiple orgasms otherwise the whole act will be pointless and leave you frustrated.
  5. Listen to some music. Not the sappy sad stuff by the way. Something upbeat to lift up your spirits.
  6. Move to another place.  Try getting a job in a town hours away from your current location or better yet leave the entire country.  That way you can heal faster without any memory triggers.
  7. Keep yourself occupied. Spent time with friends, do your favourite things.  Try positive distractions such as going out and doing something fun especially something new. Amusement Park, dancing; getting out and not focusing or dwelling on the heartbreak.

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    Photo Credit: @tendai_angela (Instagram)

  8. Put yourself out there. You don’t have to rush into another relationship but just go on dates and feel wanted. It helps to not be lonely and also just for the confidence boost.
  9. Alcohol! , it numbs the pain.  Those who don’t drink can safely turn to ice-cream or comfort foods; hello calories!!  I have tried and tested this one and all I can say is that alcohol will fix the problem for that day but when you wake up sober all the pain will come rushing back.
  10. Accept that it’s over.  This is probably the most crucial point because without this you won’t be able to.  Accept it and do not be bitter, okay TRY very hard not to be bitter.
  11. Positive self talk and reflection.  Remind yourself it’s their loss and not yours. BUT also look at your contributions to the demise of your relationship.  Avoid self blame at all costs but focus on reflecting. This usually happens further down the road to mending your heartbreak.
  12. Let go completely.  You are not trying to do the whole “Oh we’re broken up but we’re cool and modern so we can be friends” – it just prolongs the pain! CUT TIES…Cut it, Cut it, Cut it, you need to cut it!!
  13. Be kind to yourself.  You will have days where you will be upset with the world.  It happens, embrace it.
  14. Time.  It mends the heart.  I know others believe getting straight into another relationship helps you get over another one. This is not everyone’s portion.  Avoid going from one mess straight into another.  That way when you say “I am over someone” you really over them. There are no comebacks.  Time is often under estimated; especially nowadays because everyone wants an instant fix. There is NO QUICK FIX for heartbreak. This is why we end up having relationships with broken people who haven’t healed from past mistakes. Be fair to the next person. Take your time, you do not heal overnight.
  15. Understand that heartbreak is a part of life.  Not just in romantic relationships but in life in general.  Lovers, friends and family will disappoint you so always be prepared to find a way to deal with it.  Learn from your experience and remember that you are not the first or the last one to experience this.  This too shall come to pass…

How have you dealt with heartbreak in the past?  How long did it take you to finally reach the point where you could bump into your ex and they will have zero effect on you?

Let’s talk about it, I would love to read your thoughts.

©MaKupsy 2017

Is This Your Enemy Of Progress?

I believe we all have that one thing that we know is an enemy of progress.  It can be laziness, lack of faith, that one ex who calls and suddenly has you thinking of taking them back, the love for money and even sex! Being an adult comes without a manual but through experience you get to know yourself better and realise when certain temptations hit all that progress you had made is about to come crumbling down…

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Image from Pinterest

My love for natural sweet white wine will be the death of me!  I just love it so much it may as well be my best friend.  Last year my poison was Vodka but it came with stomach cramps the next day.  I had an affair with red wine that didn’t last for long because I would have a splitting headache the next day.  I finally decided to try out white wine and I absolutely loved it!  I remember Chef Takura(single and very sexy but he has a beard so he isn’t a potential candidate) recommending it to me and it listening to him was the best decision I ever made.  The one thing I love about white wine is I usually have it from the comfort of my warm bed and just after two glasses I am off to la la land.  I prefer having it on the occasional weekend that way I don’t feel so guilty for indulging in something I know is an enemy of progress in the fitness department.  I have a bottle all weekend though, that’s much better than having 3 bottles during the course of a weekend, yes, no?  (trying to defend the error of my ways here)

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Image from Pinterest

I have had days were my whole day has been mapped by the things I have read, seen or watched on social media.  There was a week when the #MenAreTrash hash tag was trending on almost all social media platforms.  It was the most heartbreaking week of my life.  The stories I read about what women go through left me feeling blue.  I remember sharing my own story on my timeline and after that all the negative thoughts and feelings from the past came back to haunt me.

The very same platforms that bear sad news also come with beautiful things such as travel, love, relationships all wrapped in one.  Now this stuff will make you wish you can order a partner just like the one you saw on Instagram!  Don’t do it to yourself, take it from me.  People will always show you the bright side of their lives and hardly ever the problems they are going through.  Next thing you will contemplate breaking up with your partner because they have not taken you for a surprise getaway weekend to Italy, you will die from stress o!  To make matters worse you can actually go an entire morning surfing through the internet giving yourself self inflicted stress.  This is why you should stick to reading blogs like mine instead, nothing but good times only here.  However, I have found a way to deal with this and that is by simply taking time off social media.  Spend your time on other fulfilling activities that will not leave you green with envy or constantly comparing your life with the next person. Remember that comparison will steal your joy.  Do not let this be your enemy of progress!

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Image from Pinterest

Negative energy is real.  Ever noticed how some people just love to complain about any and everything and once you are done talking to them you wonder why you are feeling miserable.  I am one person who values their peace of mind.  There are so many things going wrong in our country that could easily send you straight to your death while you are asleep the last thing you need is spending time with a “Negative Nancy”.  I understand that we all have problems and sometimes all you want to do is vent and get someone else to listen to you.  That’s perfectly fine but it is NOT okay to vent for an entire day.  Do you have any idea how that drains the next person?  Please do not do it to your loved ones.  If you decide to vent by all means do so but with all the venting make sure you come up with a solution to the problem together and act on it.  No one wants to spend time with negative people, they steal your joy.  Next time someone tries to ruin your day remember that it is your right to protect your peace and you can politely tell them to take their negative energy elsewhere.

I would love to hear from you.  What are some of your enemies of progress and how do deal with them?

©MaKupsy 2017