To Give Or Not To Give Your Girlfriend A Monthly Allowance?

Girlfriend  Giving Directions To Her Boyfriend

“Come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me off.  Look for flat 9A, you’ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.  Get out of the lift, you’ll find my flat on the left.  Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW and I’ll get the door for you.”

Boyfriend says: That seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend: “OMG! Are you coming empty handed?”

Boyfriend: (speechless)

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I thought this was hilarious because some men are famous for visiting their girlfriends with just dick and hairy balls, like can we throw those in a pan and fry them for supper?  Women are not saying buy them something everyday but why not think outside the box for a change and surprise a lady with something she likes??

One of my contacts sent me that joke on WhatsApp last night and it gave me an idea to blog about this morning.  Let’s talk about Bae Allowance shall we?

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Photo Credit Theo & Essy

Bae Allowance – Money a guy gives his girlfriend at the end of each month for her random needs.

Let me first give you my thoughts on the subject matter.  This might end up being a lengthy blog but I promise you will enjoy it.  Let me tell you a bit about my very first boyfriend.  That guy treated me like a little princess.  He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special event, good or bad moment.  We were through it all through thick and thin.  The whole 5 years that we dated I never asked for a single dime of his money.  He just did things because he wanted to and not because I had to beg and plead for him to do so.  Maybe because back then I was younger and had less problems but I believe even if we had stayed together he was still going to be that guy who takes care of his woman without her throwing tantrums about it.  After dating other people after him I can safely say that people are different and just because he went above and beyond for me doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same.

For that reason I have since learnt to accept that one should always live within their means and not expect the next person to cater to their every single need.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your man should not spoil you but you don’t have to convince him to do so, he has to do so on his own accord.  Guys already know that a woman needs to be pampered every now and again and so if he isn’t doing it for you it’s either he doesn’t want to or he is just not that into you (JUST KIDDING).  I for one would not want a fixed monthly allowance though, that’s just tacky because if the tables were turned trust me I would not be paying anyone an allowance for being a part of my life.  I have a daughter on my  payroll as it is, I don’t think I can make anymore additions to that!

I asked a few friends; both male and female about their thoughts on Bae Allowance and these were their thoughts:

The ladies said:

  • I think if it’s a serious relationship it’s not meant to be an obligation; both are meant to help each other out.  In a case were both work rather do  things for each other than give each other money otherwise it will seem like it’s all about money.
  • l feel most guys should give their girlfriends bae allowance.  That way  you avoid having to constantly say “Baby my hair is a mess l need money, baby my nails what not.  Just give her the monthly allowance so that you don’t stress each other out every other week.  IT’S NOT A MUST THOUGH.

The guys said:

  • There should not be a fixed mandatory Bae Allowance in a relationship.  It is of paramount importance that an individual be self sufficient that way I can chip in here and there.  It’s important to take care of your partner (what you don’t do for her, she will find someone else who can) but it should not be made out into a big deal when I can’t do it all the time.
  • If you’re my girlfriend don’t ask me for anything that costs $5 or less because what were you doing for money before we started dating? Now you suddenly want my money.  I should feel like spending on you willingly.  I’m not a bank and understand that when I say I don’t have money most of the time I genuinely don’t have because money is hard to come by.  I will spend on her but allowance I don’t do… It’s like I’m paying you to be my girlfriend!

There you have it.  Both sexes have voiced out their opinions.

As an addition I just had to say this.  Fine, I know I am not for a woman actually getting to be on her boyfriends payroll but some of these guys are cheap skates.  If you actually don’t even ask him to buy you anything he will actually continue to do so and not see anything wrong with that.  Let me ask the guys a question.  How are you going to date your girlfriend for a whole year and not once surprise her with a set of sexy lingerie?  So you are an expert at taking off her clothes but not buying her anything to add sexiness to her lingerie collection??  Also, why do some guys just want to take women out for drinks when the same amount can be used for a proper lunch, dinner or better still coffee date?  Okay fine, that is completely off topic now.

This is the part I say goodbye.

My friends from the Podcast world got excited about this topic and touched on the subject.  You can listen in from here.

©MaKupsy 2018

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My Thoughts On Abortion

Abortion in Zimbabwe is illegal as provided for under the Termination of Pregnancy Act of 1977 [Chapter 15:10].  The crime of unlawful termination carries a maximum prison sentence of 5 years.”

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Image from Pinterest

Abortion is a sensitive subject because so many issues are at play.  The image above shows you how society can easily influence one’s decision.  The very same influencers will turn back and ask why you chose to keep a baby you couldn’t take care of?  Like who’s side are you on exactly?  Taking care of another human being is taxing, from diapers, formula, clothes, medical care; you really have to be up for it otherwise you might come out of it with stress instead of the happiness you hoped for.

Yesterday someone on Twitter had a poll that asked if men should have a say when it comes to abortion.  I replied him and said that yes a man can voice his opinion but at the end of the day it was the woman’s body that was going to go through all the changes so ultimately the final decision lies with her. I’m a mother, I’ve gone through pregnancy and that ride was not a walk over.  My body and my mental health was never the same again so if anyone chooses not to walk down that path I would never judge them.

I asked a few of my #BlogIndaba friends their thoughts on abortion and this is what they had to share;

Pro Abortion

Blogger 1

The number of babies I’ve seen and I’ve treated in children’s homes, hospitals (one mom gave birth in Harare Hospital and left the baby; upped and left) is depressing. The adoption system is in shambles. I have a couple wanting to adopt. They have the means, they have the desire but one year later we’re still waiting.  I don’t like the idea of abortion, but I have to come to terms with the fact that people have different principles than me.  I’d rather advocate for safe abortions than those backdoor ones because they do happen, and we can’t act like they’re not.  If we can have free contraception, things that cost a bomb in other countries; contraception is expensive elsewhere, surely we can have low-cost abortions. Yes, it has many implications, because it’s terminating a pregnancy. Her hormones are all over the place, and some will grieve. So that’s when you need sensitive people who will counsel before and after abortion. So yeah… that’s me.

Blogger 2

I’m pro-abortion. We all have our reasons for not being able to keep a child. Finances, negligence, a case of rape.  The reasons vary.

Blogger 3

I’m pro-abortion.  Backyard abortions are rampant and it’s only right to lessen it by legalising abortion.

Blogger 4

I think people with issues on this should visit children homes and hear some stories that come with children who were simply dumped and someone else found them and chose to take care of them.  I personally think if you are not ready to fend for a child abortion is a good idea.  Most of us have sex with condoms not really because we scared of diseases but mostly fear of getting pregnant.

In my opinion these are some of the reasons why some women would choose to have an abortion:

  1. Age, maybe you’re too young.  Having a child when you are still in your teens might change your life forever and disrupt your learning life.  However, it has worked out for some.  Maybe you are too old; there are a lot of complications that come with having a child when you’re old and one of them is giving birth to a child with special needs.  When you’re older you have less energy to be up and about now add a child to the mix…
  2. You are not yet financially stable.  Imagine the situation for the majority of Zimbabweans, most people do not have any form of income and adding another mouth to feed to an already existing issue can only spell disaster.
  3. Your partner is not forthcoming and you don’t want to have to deal with dead beat daddy issues so you save yourself the drama.  One day when you are free take a trip to Civil Court and listen to some of the child maintenance cases where men are not taking care of their children.  Some men are offering to pay $20 a month to their ex spouses who they walked out on 3 kids later.
  4. It’s an unplanned pregnancy.  In case you didn’t know contraceptive methods aren’t 100% effective and you could be doing everything right but still fall pregnant.
  5. You simply don’t want a child right now.  Not everyone wants to have children but almost everyone wants to have sex, that’s not a crime AT ALL.
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Ireland Repeals It’s Abortion Ban; 26 May 2018

Anti-Abortion

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I’m anti-abortion.  A friend of mine was forced to abort because the baby had a weak heartbeat and it wouldn’t survive. It was a medical abortion but she did get sick for a while.

I can think of a couple of reasons why I would join the anti-abortion wagon;

  1. It might be the only child you will ever be able to conceive.  If children were a big part of your life plan and that one abortion incident is the reason you can’t have anymore children you will probably be filled with regret for the rest of your life.
  2. In as much as a pregnancy was unplanned what else did you expect to happen if you were actively engaged in unprotected sex?  I’ve heard of incidents where a boyfriend will deny his girlfriend’s pregnancy; last time I checked “You won’t be pouring fanta down her vagina” it’s sperm my friend and unprotected sex comes with consequences.  You must learn to take responsibility for your actions.
  3. The act of abortion might haunt you for the rest of your life especially if it’s in the later stages of pregnancy.
  4. Depending on which type (legal or back door) of abortion you choose to have it might affect your health. Some of the unsafe abortion methods I’ve heard about include bathing in scorching hot water, using a coat hanger or knitting needle, drinking ghastly tasting herbs. Chances of you damaging your internal organs are very likely or the worst case scenario is death; will any of this be worth it in the end?

There are so many layers to abortion, I can’t possibly cover all of them in one blog post.   The one thing I strongly feel our society needs to emphasise on is sex education.  A lot of people from my generation had to hunt and gather information regarding our sexual health through various and not so reliable sources.  We can do better by being honest and open with children where sexual health is concerned.  You can read some of my experiences on the subject; The Birds & The Bees  and My Birth Control Experience.

My final thoughts when it comes to abortion; babies eat money, have them at your own risk!  On a serious note, I’m pro whatever makes you sleep at night, at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with the decision you choose to make.

Friends from Facebook shared their thoughts here.  What are your thoughts on the subject ?

©MaKupsy 2018

Why Women Cheat

Women cheat, it’s just that they don’t go on talking about it the same way guys do. Some of the information may surprise you, some will enlighten you, you may roll your eyes and judge but that’s the situation on the ground.   Life happens and at some point some women have cheated or think about cheating.  I suppose not everyone was cut out to be “Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes.”  A few women share their stories below:

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Image from Google

Escape from reality

Yes I have cheated because I met someone who excited me more than my partner did. Someone who made me feel alive at the time. Usually it’s fun yes but it mostly ends badly. Fact is that the guy you cheated with was never a serious thing. He was a whirlwind romance, an escape really. Sometimes the one you cheat with probably has someone in his life and he is also cheating. However there are the rare ones who are single and will actually try making things work out in that cheating scenario. Best cases are the relationships that may come out of cheating.

Forbidden fruit

I have cheated. I cheated because I was selfish and my needs were not being met and it was frustrating, got an escape, all the attention from the guy I was cheating with.  It was not everything, obviously the fun was that it was stolen wares they sell twice as dear. He called every morning, kept tabs on me, made me feel special but I never wanted to leave my guy, even though my cheating partner was okaish, It was just that a little fling to keep me sane. I eventually couldnt keep up, I loved my guy but my needs were not being met, and I knew we had to talk. The best things in life are not free, they are forbidden. the guilt, the adrenaline of cheating OMG.  I loved/love my boyfriend with all my heart and he may kill me if he knew he may be very disappointed, but ndakanakirwa hangu(I had a good time) please!!!  The other guy’s flaws made me realise my own boyfriends good side, I learnt that my guy loves me maturely and respectfully, he is human and honest, he is not going out of his way to impress me all the time but he loves me, I gave him the most breathtaking kiss ever the next time I was with him he asked what that was for, I lied…To be honest, all that kiss was saying was, I am sorry I had strayed I love you. For the record, I left the guy I was cheating with because I couldn’t give him my all. It was superficial, I had to be real with myself.  On the flip side, I learnt to communicate better with my guy, and understand him as well. Once we were in sync, paradise was peaceful again.  And you know what? I would never have known if I hadn’t cheated, maybe, who knows?

Intellectually Stimulating

Personally, I like an intellectually challenging man, but once I feel like you’re unable to stimulate my mind, or failing to keep up, I side track.  I’m attracted to men’s minds before physical appearance and all.  That was one reason I cheated once.  The other reason I think some women cheat is that you get bored of the same person.  It’s not so much the routine that you get bored of but when you know someone in and out you can predict things like reactions.  Those things then annoy you and you end up wanting a “change of environment” so to speak. Lastly, some women will forever compare their boyfriends to other men no matter what good he does.  It’s the comparing thing that exposes your man’s flaws so much, you tend to start getting attracted to the men you thing have “better” features; more money, are more caring, more attentive, bigger dick…the list is endless.

Pondering

I have thought about it. But I didn’t get to doing it because I felt bad. But it was during those times when he doesn’t give you as much attention as he used to then there’s some guy who’s there giving you all the attention that you’re craving. I think men just get a little too comfortable and stop doing what they used to do. Its the little things that they stop doing that you tend to notice; things like getting you something on his way home or telling you stuff that he used to tell you all the time that they end up taking for granted.

 

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Image from Google

And I am sure you are all wondering if I have cheated before? Well, the answer is yes.  Not that it is something to be proud of but I had my reasons.  My number one problem was that I did not forgive my then boyfriend for cheating on me.  Instead I took him back and pretended all was well while in the meantime I was planning my revenge.  It was both emotional and physical cheating and in my mind I blamed my partner for turning me into this person who wanted to pay an eye for an eye.  I really wanted him to feel the same pain he put me through, the sleepless nights, the broken heart.  Did I regret ever cheating on him? No, not even a single bit, because we were even, he cheated, I cheated so I didn’t have to grin and bear it anymore.  Will I cheat again? NO that is seriously emotionally damaging and I do not plan on going through the lies and the secrets, too draining.

Moral of the story?  Women cheat for all sorts of reasons but thankfully it is not every woman who does.  And guess what, MOST times when women do cheat, they don’t get caught…

©MaKupsy 2018

10 Things That Used To Be Cool Before Social Media

I come from a generation that used to not have social media.  Right now everything goes by so fast if you aren’t careful you will miss out on a lot of things.  It’s not a bad thing to have information at your fingertips but nothing beats the good old times.  This morning during my run I couldn’t help but think of all the things that used to be cool before social media and here’s my list.

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Image from Google

  1. Calling each other on the landline.  If your family setup was anything like mine the moment the phone rang everyone rushed to try and pick up because we were all expecting a phone call.  My dad used to give boys who would call a really hard time!  I remember the one boy was told to wait till I finished High School before he could even think about calling me again.
  2. Recording music.  This is round about the time when audio cassettes were a big deal.  The DJs used to kill our vibe though, here you are trying to be the cool kid with a flawless collection of mix tapes and the DJ starts talking right in the middle of your recording!
  3. Calling a taxi.  You had to know someone who knows someone to finally get yourself one.  Then there was a time there was probably one taxi service provider and you called their landline and wait on them to come and pick you up.  That was a whole different life I tell you!  Now there’s taxis everywhere you turn and Uber in some countries!
  4. Keeping time.  If you had a date at 2pm trust that the next person would be there at the exact same time.  If they were delayed you would wait for at most an hour because there was no other way of getting in touch with them to know how far along they were.  These days people keep sending messages or calling every other minute for an update it’s crazy!
  5. Dating.  These men used to go all out.  They would express themselves, take you on well thought out outings, open doors and shit but alas, times have changed!
  6. Autobooks.  I remember getting into trouble for owning one of these in High School.  Each time I think about it my heart bleeds, it was the most beautiful book I had created and all my friends had signed in and then it got confiscated!
  7. Watching TV as a family.  Back then there was only ONE TV channel so everyone watched the same thing.  Who remembers the character who used to say “Laura my sweet potato.” ?
  8. Family photographs.  The whole town had one photographer and you had to make an appointment to have him to a house visit.  On the day everyone had to take a bath, have vaseline blue seal smeared on their faces to look fresh and wear their best outfit.
  9. Reading books.  I remember going through the entire Enid Blyton series during my primary school days.  I loved and still love to read but lately most things are digital.  I’m really old school, I want to read a book and touch, feel and smell it, am I weird?  Maybe I am but I love it that way.   Oh yes, and going to the library was something we looked forward to doing but now Google has all the answers, yawn!
  10. Writing letters.  Expressing yourself and actually having feelings and emotions was not a crime.  I still have letters from my very first boyfriend.  That boy used to write the most heart warming letters.  The whole process of buying stamps, envelopes, writing pads and then adding a dash of fragrance to the letter before posting it off was a thrilling adventure.

*Bonus point* PRIVACY!  People kept their relationships and their business to themselves.  Fast forward to 2018 there’s no more room for mystery because almost everyone let’s you in on what they are doing with their life.

I know some of the pictures below will take you back in time.

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What are some of the things that you used to enjoy before social media took over? I know these can’t be the only cool things from way back when. I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

Dax 3 in 1 Super Curl Sheen Review

I bought myself a bottle of Dax 3 in 1 Super Curl Sheen a while ago because I was and still am out of coconut oil.  Members from the Facebook Page I follow for natural hair care highly recommend this product so I decided to give it a try as an alternative while I waited for my supplier to restock the product that makes my hair really happy.  I remember using Dax 3 in 1 Super Curl Sheen way back in primary school.  This is round about the time I learnt how to do my own hair.  How I wish I had taken it to the next level and learnt how to do cornrows, I could be making serious money right about now!  The country is on a serious natural hair movement and there’s no stopping us.  The product seemed to work just fine back then so I had no doubt it would work miracles yet again.

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The packaging is basic nothing too fancy.  Directions on how to apply the product are simple and written at the back of the bottle; they read:

Apply generous amounts of Super Dax 3 in  Triple Action Black Curl Sheen to your hair and massage evenly throughout your hair with your fingertips.  Comb into your favourite style.

I asked my Twitter followers if they had used this product before.  Their responses;

My clothing was always stained as a kid, especially collars – @SoulDeepZim

Awesome, my pubic hair had been flourishing ever since – @_iamTJ (I don’t know if he’s serious or just playing.)

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Dax is perfect if you want to rock the African Threading hairstyle (we call it “buns” this part of the world)

I’ve been using this product for a month and a half now.

Pros

  1. It’s cheap, I bought it in Bon Marche for $3.80.
  2. It leaves your hair soft and easy to manage if you plan on plaiting it.

Cons

  1. I don’t like the sticky effect it leaves on my hands.  After applying it my hair felt sticky, dirty and heavy I felt like I had to rewash my hair.
  2. Dax 3 in 1 leaves stains on my pillow cases and satin bonnet.
  3. There are no ingredients listed so I have no clue what I’m feeding my hair with.
  4. I didn’t see any positive changes after using it.  My hair felt and looked miserable.  I assume it works for certain hair types.  I’m still trying to figure out what my hair type is so there’s that.

The natural hair community hypes a lot of things, I’ve learnt that not everything that works for others will automatically work for me.  Thankfully the product was cheap and I wasn’t too heart broken when it didn’t work.  I gave it away to someone who made better use of it.

On a scale of 0-10, I rate the product at 3.  At least it will keep your hair moisturised until your reliable everyday product is back on the market.

What has your experience with Dax 3 in 1 Curl Sheen?  Would you recommend it to a friend?

©MaKupsy 2018

Don’t Follow Your Heart!

If you ask me, when it comes to love, I don’t learn, AT ALL!  I see things in black and white but I choose to add some colour to spice things up.  I’m beginning to believe I thrive on drama.  Let me tell you something that happened to me many moons ago; I look back now and simply shake my head but when it happened my poor heart was going through a lot of pain.

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Image from Google

You already know the narrative, boy meets girl, both fall helplessly in love and start dating.  The universe always chooses to play a joke on me and has the “love of my life” move out of the country and I’m left behind with a whole sack full of feelings.  However, this time around there seemed to be hope.  Thanks to technology we were in constant communication and even had the same Display Picture on WhatsApp.  Stuff like that makes me feel all shades of mushy inside.  I like whoever is dating me to show me off, I love it!

There was only one problem.  My current flame still had pictures of his ex on his Facebook profile.  Initially I pretended that it didn’t bother me but eventually I communicated that I wasn’t comfortable with having to see her on his profile, he could hide his albums no problem but having them in my face felt offensive.  How I always end up with partners who still have ex issues beats me?

The flame told me that his ex was going to be in the country for some work related thing and she might pass through to see him.  It was at that point that all hell broke loose.  In my head I thought  why in the world would your ex travel halfway across the continent to probably see you at some point.  Why are you still talking to your ex, why are you even telling me about this??!!!  I felt so much confusion I couldn’t focus on anything for days to come.  After telling my friend what was going on she sent me a message and said, “I told you that woman was never an ex she has always been there it was just the distance that had separated them.” 

I asked him what was going on and I was told that she was still his friend and I was being crazy.  I recall him telling me I was being dramatic.  Me, dramatic for saying what I was seeing with my own eyes!  I was drinking on a Monday after work or any given day actually.  You see, alcohol is my coping mechanism.  I was sending voice notes and never ending messages to my flame asking why he chose to pursue me if he knew he still had unfinished business with his ex.  I was listening to all our favourite songs and crying buckets, I had headaches every single morning.  I was a hot mess!

After a few weeks I told myself I was going to delete his number, all our music playlists and all our photographs together and let go.  I said my peace and walked away from the most intense emotional place I had ever found myself in.  I loved him so much but I wasn’t going to risk getting a broken heart over someone who obviously lied to me from the get go.

Months later I went to check his Facebook account.  The so called “ex” was there alright, he went on to get a tattoo with her name…  Sigh.

I need to do better.  I need to be better.  I don’t want the kind of love that sets my soul on fire.  I’ve been in that kind of love, it does nothing but bring me pain and disappointment.  I want a love that is calm, certain and doesn’t give me sleepless nights.  I know things will not always be perfect but for the most part the relationship should maintain my sanity!  Anyone can tell you that they love you, they’re just three little words after all; what matters is what they want to do about this love they claim to have for you.  The plan is to write a beautiful love story in 2018 despite all the disasters I’ve been through in the past, it will happen, when the time is right, this much I know.

I have more love gone wrong blog posts for you to enjoy, at this rate I may as well move around with a gown to showcase my Masters In Failed Relationships;

How To Lose A Great Guy

Butterfly

The Rebound Guy

Catching Feelings

What are some of the things you have done in the name of love?  I can’t be the only one doing relationships wrong, let’s talk about this and have a good laugh at ourselves.

©MaKupsy 2018

Lie To Me

Men and women lie.  Lying is not reserved for men only, both sexes put in the work when it comes to this not so clever form of communication.  People lie for different reasons; SoProfound states that lying is necessary to keep emotions balanced, needs met, wants satisfied and happiness guaranteed.  I was on radio last night and we touched on this subject and turns out I still have more to say on the subject!

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SoPround, Kuda Nyemba, Simba Sox and MaKupsy

Every woman wants a good life, show me one who says otherwise and I’ll show you a liar!  Financial security is one of the top priorities for most women and from what I’ve gathered men have figured this out and take advantage of it.  Some of these men will build castles in the air and you will fall for it.  The few lucky women find out it was just a farce months into deciding to date someone others are unfortunate and find out the truth when they are pregnant and have nowhere else to go.  Goodbye fancy dates hello reality which includes borrowing from friends to keep up appearances.

I’m pregnant…

If you’re a sexually active man I’m absolutely positive you have received this message a couple of times and you probably went into extreme panic mode.  Some women can be a handful but there’s a reason.  We want to “see” where the relationship is going in a very twisted and immature way.  We think that your reaction to our “pregnancy” will give us an idea of how you feel about us.  It will be unheard of if you even utter the words abortion!  Then again if you suggest it chances of you sending through money are highly likely and the money can be put to better use seeing you would have chosen to be a prick; in our eyes anyway.  Not all I’m pregnant messages are true, it’s just a little lie to get you feeling miserable for the fun of it.

Everyone is single depending on who’s asking.  A man or woman can be in a relationship but the moment a potential candidate presents themselves their relationship status goes out the window.  Our generation has become quite a greedy lot.  We don’t seem to be content with one partner, we want not one but as many options as possible to fulfill different areas of our lives.  I blame social media, too many options are just a click away.  If you aren’t happy you easily turn your attention elsewhere and therein lies the problem. People have paired themselves up with married people who have hidden whole spouses and social media has been thriving on these stories.  If a person can lie to you about an entire family imagine what else they can lie to you about?

I think there’s a lot of lying in relationships because most people don’t know how to communicate and think that telling a lie will manage whatever expectations that would have presented themselves.  Everyone has accepted lies at some point in their life because of how the lie probably made them feel.  A great example is a man telling you he loves you and chose you because you bring him so much happiness meanwhile he is in a relationship with someone else.  Deep down you know he’s lying but those words just leave you feeling so good you can’t help yourself.

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We were on the show for a good 2 hours that flew by so fast and that confirmed just how much fun we were having.  Thoughts from the guests on the topic that caught my attention were:

Women love being lied to! Sox

Men lie out of love.  Kuda

Men lie, women lie but the one thing I know for a fact is that liars forget and can’t keep a straight story.  One way or the other the truth will come out so if you want to have a stress free life I’d suggest you keep your life as straight and narrow as you possibly can, at least for the most part.

What have your experiences with lies been?  What’s the biggest lie that you have ever told?  Do you think it’s okay or not to tell lies?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

Do You Love Yourself?

I mean it, do you ever stop to ask yourself if you really do love yourself?  The decisions you make every single day that concern you, are they coming out of a place of love?  I realised that I probably don’t love myself enough, I mean I do but sometimes my actions speak otherwise.  There are times when I find myself making really bad decisions that will cost me in the future but I go ahead and do them anyway.  That can’t be love!  I guess loving yourself is a never ending journey so you have to find ways to perfect it everyday.  I have a few pointers that I try to adhere to for the most part and you might find them helpful as well.

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Image from Google

Stop Putting Conditions To Love Yourself

I used to be guilty of this.  I would tell myself that I would only start feeling happy or do certain things once I achieved certain goals.  A great example was not wearing a crop top until I got killer abs.  What if I never got them, what if they stopped making crop tops and I had been holding back on that?  I told myself  I would wear whatever I felt like as long as I felt happy and comfortable screw what everyone else thinks.  I hope you realise how short life is.  You will die this very minute and you would have been postponing your happiness when you could have been living your best life right now!

Know Yourself

You know how they say “To know is to love”? Well this love business needs to start with yourself.  Are you taking yourself through activities which will help you get to know yourself better.  One of my favourite things to do every once in a while is to spend time alone.  It helps me be with my thoughts and figure out what I need to do to make myself happier.  This little ritual has also made me actually cut out some of the activities I used to be a part of.  I used to attend almost every event in town because I mostly like things but now I only spend my time on things that actually matter to me.  Fitness, music, hair, food, entrepreneurship, digital related events, I’m there!  Ask yourself if the things you are doing are out of love or simply a fear of missing out.  Once you establish that you can save yourself money and have more peace of mind while you’re at it.

Love vs Vanity

It’s a thin line between love and vanity.  Unfortunately for me my self love is often mistaken for vanity and that’s okay.  I know my strengths and weaknesses but I tend to hype my strengths more so that obviously sends a different message to those around me.  My advice, no matter what others may think, celebrate your positive aspects while also working on your weaknesses.  Be easy on yourself, no one is perfect.

Pamper Yourself

I absolutely love hot bubble baths but only two problems almost always present themselves.  First of all too much of bubble baths will end up giving me some form of yeast infection and secondly water isn’t always there so having to use a bucket for bathing ruins the entire pampering routine!  In the end I have to make an alternative plan and take it out in the kitchen and prepare a scrumptious meal while enjoying a powered up music playlist.  Whatever you do, always make time to show yourself some love.

You can also try the following:

  • Read or listen to books that talk about self love
  • Attend events that encourage self development
  • Listen to music that makes you feel good
  • Have sex, okay I kid! Sex isn’t the answer to everything really and truly

Ever since I started loving myself more my life has never been the same.  Yes, some days aren’t easy but the moment I get back to a positive mindset it only gets better.

I once wrote about the reason why you are not happy, you can check it out here.

I would like to know; do you know who you are, what you want and what you feel?

Today is Tuesday, the perfect day to start to choose to love yourself.

©MaKupsy 2018

This Is What Happens When You Have A Guy Friend

I have a colleague who has turned into my close friend.  I’m a fitness enthusiast and when he started his journey sometime last year I was naturally his go to person.  I would share tips, tricks and encourage him to keep pushing because I love to see people living their best life!  A few months ago I moved house and I now stay in the same area as him and we have been inseparable ever since.

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Image from Pinterest

Turns out almost everyone in the office is triggered by our friendship.  Apparently a man and woman can’t simply be friends.  According to them there surely must be something going on between us because we are either spending too much time together doing lunch, going home together, swimming on weekends, going for ice cream and basically doing what any other pair of friends do.  I paid no attention to it because I know most of them are married and bored out of their minds with nothing better to do except pry into other people’s business.  Then the one the day my colleague told me that someone approached him and told him the following:

  • I was going to influence him to not get married.
  • He shouldn’t date older women.
  • The person wanted to find out if I was good in bed.

Like what the heck is wrong with people?  I found it both amusing and shocking at the same damn time.  First of all, why are people triggered so much by our friendship?  Secondly, what if he’s the one who is stopping me from meeting my future husband because we’re always together, thirdly, we’re the same age and having a big juicy booty does not automatically make me older; how are my bedroom skills any of their business and lastly, why oh why are they not coming to ask ME all these questions?  What a bunch of gossipers!

This experience just made me realise that people ain’t shit.  I’m single, he is single too.  Imagine if we were actually dating and people were going around saying things like that to my “boyfriend”.  How long would he stick around before giving into what people around him were saying.  From what my colleague tells me the majority of the people coming to him with negative things to say are women.  I’m not surprised, it seems women are really each others worst enemies.  Why wouldn’t you want one of your own be in a happy healthy relationship?  Turns out being a single mother is a serious disability, it will be an abomination for me to be with a single never had children before man.  Us single mothers should be left to date whatever comes our way as long as it’s not a single man.

It’s all too funny if you ask me but I’m used to this crowd, I’ve worked with them for a good 6 years and I know that they live for gossip and negative energy.  I’ve written a couple of pieces which you might enjoy and you should check them out;

Office Eye Candy

Miss Petty

If you have a friend of the opposite sex what has been your experience with people around you.  What’s the worst or best thing they have said about you two?  It’s Monday, let’s talk about it and chase the blues away.

©MaKupsy 2018

10 Tips For Every Zimbabwean Naturalista

Naturalistas are going to love this piece penned by my woman crush this Wednesday, Tasha is not only a Blogger but a mother, wife, fashion designer and passionate about DIY hair care!  Get your notebooks out, she’s sharing some priceless gems with us this morning.

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Tasha

If you are like me and have 4C hard maShona type, deciding to go natural can be exciting. With the new found obsession for natural hair, it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. With these groups up on Facebook one can be misled with how fancy the trend can be. No matter where you get your DIY hair smoothies from, there are a few things you should already know:

  1. Don’t Rush the Process

The hardest part about starting your natural hair journey is having patience. Know that hair does not grow overnight.Hair grows about half an inch every month. Now that does not mean that it will grow a full half inch per month!  If there is constant breakage occurring, there won’t be much growing at all. Be sure to find a routine that works for you. Once you find what works with your hair, it will grow to its fullest length monthly.

  1. Don’t compare yourself to others

Create your own routine; it is very easy to follow what someone else is doing.  Don’t think what worked for someone else will work for you. Every naturalista’s hair is different. Know your hair texture, porosity and hair type as well. Once you accept your differences with others, you’ll be ready to handle your hair the right way.

  1. Less is more

When it comes to hair products, less is more. There are so many different products out there, and it’s okay to want to try all of them out; just not at the same time. Always remember using too many products at once will only weigh down your hair, and leave it feeling greasy.

  1. No Gibberish

A lot of products on the market appear to be “all natural” but yet you can’t pronounce half of the ingredients.  Be careful with what you’re purchasing ladies and gentlemen. Just because the bottle says “100% natural”, doesn’t mean it is. Use products with simple ingredients that are easy to pronounce. Water based products are the best because water is the best moisturizer ever!!

  1. Finger Detangle

This is rule number 1 for most naturalistas. Never comb your hair when its bone dry. When you do this you are asking for breakage galore, not to mention a tough time even getting the comb through your hair.  Finger detangle your hair with a gentle approach is the secret to easy and manageable hair.  Eliminate the usage of brushes or small tooth combs, to minimize splits and breakages. . I use coconut oil or aloe vera to help with detangling.

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Tasha

  1. Moisturise your hair

Water is the best moisturizer. Using products throughout your week is not enough. You need a touch of water to restore balance in your hair. Your hair is weak when it’s dry; you experience severe hair loss and hairline problems. Know your dry spot!  The centre seems to be my driest and kinkiest. Apply more moisture and conditioner on these areas.

  1. A great diet

This goes without questions, but still so many women forget about this part. What you put in is what you get. It’s as simple as that, for a glowing skin and popping hair take loads of WATER. Food such as fish, chia seeds, dark leafy green veggies, nuts and eggs among others are the best things to add to your diet. Our body produces natural lubricants for the scalp to promote healthy hair growth.

  1. Conditioner is your friend!

Try to deep condition your hair as often as possible. This will help with moisture issues and it will improve your hair’s manageability. Have a deep conditioning a simple regimen. Invest in a deep conditioning cap (plastic bags/shower caps work), wide tooth comb and use mild heat use steamers.

  1. Create a basic night regimen

To protect your hair at night, try out a simple regimen. Nothing too fancy just a simple satin bonnet or silk pillowcase will do you good. Make sure your spritz some concoction before going to better or any oil, butter of your choice to loc in moisture.

  1. Embrace Shrinkage

We all hate shrinkage but its either you beat it or embrace it. While every naturalista must choose their path; I choose to embrace my shrinkage and rock it nevertheless.

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Tasha is hosting a Meet and Greet Brunch this Saturday, 14 April 2018 at Moto Republik.  The event will be her official blog launch and comes with an opportunity to network.  Bring out your crown; natural, relaxed, braided or with weave or wig, locs and bald. It’s all about self confidence!  You can look forward to some freebies, food and hair talk which happens to be the reason you’re going to begin with by the way. Oh, gentleman are welcome too.

Tasha is on social media: Facebook: @TashaMatHairDiaries , WordPress: www.tashamat.wordpress.com

Xo

TashaMat