How To Lose A Great Guy

One of the main reasons I started blogging was because of a guy.  I had caught feelings so bad I thought they were going to suffocate me in my sleep and I would die without him ever knowing it.  Fast forward to a few months after posting that blog we started dating.  Please note he had not seen that post because it was the only post I had made so thankfully nature took its natural course.

However, this was going to be a long distance relationship.  He worked out of the country and he would only come home twice a year.  We spoke about the challenges we would face where distance was concerned and given that he worked on a cruise ship it meant that the greater part of the time I would not get to speak to him over the phone because most times he would be at sea.  When you are in love you think everything will be a walk in the park.  We made promises to each other before he left and everything was bliss.

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Image from Google

The first few weeks were manageable.   We got to communicate through WhatsApp every other day and each time I saw his name pop up on my screen my face would light up.  I was at that point I would get upset if anyone else tried to send me a message because I only wanted to hear from him.

Weeks turned into months and communication was getting less and less because he had to work.  At first I played the understanding girlfriend, after all I already knew what I had signed myself up for beforehand.  I kept myself busy with other activities and tried not to obsess over carrying my phone around everywhere in case he tried getting in touch with me.  When I didn’t hear from weeks I started feeling blue.  I remember sending a message to my friend and telling her that I wasn’t okay and I was missing my boyfriend so much.  She reassured me that all would be okay and as soon as he was free he would definitely get in touch with me.

It’s not easy when someone who means the world to you is miles away and you can’t do anything but wait to hear from him.  The most I could do was email him and you can only send so many emails before you start sounding obsessive.  I had to wait…Eventually he would get time to chat and Voice Messages have never sounded so precious.  I felt better again and I was back to my happy self.

I really fought the feeling of ending things.  I was getting more and more frustrated by the day.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love him, I did but my language of love is Quality Time and in order to feel closely connected to my partner I have to spend time with him.  That wasn’t happening; not that I didn’t know it wasn’t going to be happening but I didn’t realise it would be so hard!  Why did I even get myself into this?  Oh yes, LOVE.

I ended up sending him a message telling him I was unhappy and that the relationship was over.  (My heart was breaking as I typed every single word to him).  He only got the message a few days after I sent it and he never replied.  That was the most regrettable thing I have done to date.  A part of me wanted to send another message telling him I didn’t mean what I had said.  I really didn’t but I think I was just longing for his attention and I went about it the wrong way!  I knew his schedule and I knew he would be back home in a few weeks so I assured myself that he would surely visit when he arrived and say something; anything.

The moment he landed in Zimbabwe he came to see me!

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Image from Google

That was the longest hug I had ever given him, it was heartfelt and I genuinely had missed him tonnes.  Everyone in the office was saying hi to him because they knew him from visits he would make when he was around.  I have never felt so much relief, in my head I thought him coming to see me was a good sign.  He picked me up after work and we went for a drive.  We talked about everything, his travels, my fitness obsession, he was shocked at the amount of weight I had lost since the last time we had seen each other.

After avoiding the real issue at hand he finally told me that he had come to see me because he wanted us to remain in good books even after things had not gone well between us.   He told me he had seen my message and he had been saddened because he thought we were going to work out.  He also said that he was not one to push if I had made up my mind he was not going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted out.  At this point in my head I was screaming noooooo, that wasn’t what it was I just wanted your attention I didn’t mean to break up with you! I really lost out on a good thing.  He was a great guy but I was childish about putting my feelings across.  Once he was done talking I just said it was okay and we went on to have dinner and he dropped me off at home.

We spoke a few times after that, he even went all out to make my birthday super special.   When he left the country that time around he only sent me a message to tell me he was leaving and when he arrived on the other side of the world he sent another message and that was the last time I heard from him.  I missed him, I missed him so much until I had to change my phone number because I knew I was never going to hear from him again.

The motive of this story?  Do not break up with someone unless you really feel that you want out.  Hoping that the next person will come running and begging for you to take them back or make it work might not actually happen.  You will end up single and miserable and wishing you had not sent that message or made that phone call. If you are really over someone tell them in person because that from what I have learnt shows maturity.

Have you been in a situation like this before?

I want to know from the guys, have you taken someone back after she told you she didn’t want to be with you anymore?

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

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21 Questions with MaKupsy

Hello everyone, it’s been a beautiful day so far.  I hope you are looking forward to the weekend as much as I am. A few minutes ago I got an email from a fellow blogger Kudzai and I didn’t realise it was blog related.  I thought I had nothing to write about today and he magically came through for me.  He has hit me up with 21 Questions and trust me he is not ready for the come back I have for him!  Let me get to answering him as honestly and and as quickly as I can, my body is here but my mind is already out there celebrating the end of the working week!

  • A few people know your name, and also want to know the inspiration behind your blog name. Would you shed some light on that?

My name is Zvie.  My blog name derives from two things.  The first being “Ma” which is short for amai(mother) and “Kupsy” which is my daughter’s nickname.  I put the two together and came up with MaKupsy.

  • A lot of the times we see tweets about Marondera. Can you tell us about where you’re from?

My family moved around a lot when I was little.  I was born when we stayed in Kariba, then we moved to Chinhoyi when I was around 4 years old.  We left for Marondera in 1994.  I did my Primary School education in Marondera and High School, College and Work was in Harare…Help me decide where exactly I am from because I don’t know either.  LOL

  • What actually inspired you to start blogging?

Love/ lust, I am not really sure which one of the two it was but I think the latter because at some point the feeling went away.  I didn’t know how to tell a guy I was spending a lot of time with that I had the hots for him so I decided to write a blog post which he never saw.  How sad.  The other reason was to document my Fitness Journey.

  • Which of your blog posts are you most proud of?

The one I am most proud of has to be Butterfly .  I bled all my emotions out of that post.  I needed to let go off all the hurt and pain I had gone through and I did so the best way I know how; through writing.  It spoke to a lot of women and it is one of the most popular posts on my blog.

  • Can you say your blogging experience has helped your writing and communication skills to improve?

It definitely has!  I can’t just write up something and publish it.  I have to go over it once, twice, sometimes three times to check if there are no spelling mistakes, no grammatical errors, having to think of flavoured words, smooth transitioning of sentences; it’s not as easy as it looks but with time you get better at it.

  • You’ve gained a reputation for talking about subjects people generally take as sensitive. How do you do it?

I didn’t realise I had gained a reputation for writing about the subjects that intrigue me the most.  I am not sure if it’s a good or bad reputation though so you have to tell me more on this one.   To be honest, I am one of those bloggers who simply speaks/tweets/writes exactly what’s on her mind.  My blog is my space to entertain my thoughts so it’s a no holds barred area so I do it so easily.

  • What subject have you always had a passion for talking about? Is there a story behind this?

Most times I am passionate about writing on issues that women face.  From heartbreak, unfair treatment, body image issues, domestic violence the works.  The reason being I am woman above everything else, I have and still experience some of the things I have mentioned and also because I know my stories speak to other women right here in Zimbabwe and the world at large.

  • Everyone knows, you absolutely hate bad sex. Can you give us a snippet of one time you can say you really experienced some horrible loving?

I really need to stop over sharing.  The moment I read EVERYONE I just realised I talk too much!  Well, I once wrote about an incident over here so you can get a scoop of some of the horrible loving I received (or didn’t receive in this case).

  • Men in suits just do it for you, don’t they?

YES, YES AND YES!!

  • What qualifies as the biggest turn off for you?

The biggest turn off has to be typos and all this shorthand that’s supposed to be the in thing. I CAN NOT STAND SHORT HAND.  People are out here acting like letters are being sold if you want to use them.  The moment someone I am talking to on any social media platform starts with the shorthand nonsense I ignore them.  It truly grates on my nerves!

  • Your Fitness Program has also earned you quite the reputation. What inspired you to start running?

If I had not weighed in that fateful day when I went to visit my doctor I would probably not be Fitness Bae right now.  Two years ago I weighed 85kgs.  For someone who is only 163cm that is bad, very bad.  I was shocked beyond words because that was the exact weight I was when I was pregnant with my daughter.  Just a few days before giving birth I was 85kgs and there I was weighing the same weight and not pregnant.  It gave me the biggest wake up call of my life.

  • I imagine a lot of people pester you with “I wanna start working out too, can you give me some advice?” kind of questions. Maybe you could put it to bed once and for all for us amateurs LOL

Yes, I get those questions all the time and even after telling people what to and what not to do some won’t go ahead and start on the fitness journey.  The truth of the matter when it comes to fitness is that YOU have to want to do it.  People can suggest you do something about your weight but as long as you don’t want it yet it will never happen.  The only motivation that works with fitness is self motivation.

  • Obviously somewhere along the line, you thought of giving up. What kept you going?

When I initially started my workout program in August 2014 I had days I truly wanted to drop the whole thing.  My legs, thighs, shins everything hurt because my body was used to being idle.  I remember my dad telling me to keep at it because it was certainly going to hurt in the beginning.  I have kept going for a couple of reasons;

  1. I want to win all the Mother’s Races at my daughter’s school,
  2. I want to live longer and lead a healthy lifestyle,
  3. The results I see every week are amazing and I look so much better in my clothes, who would have thought I would own yellow, pink and all the pretty colour bras, they only have them in small sizes by the way!
  4. Running gives me feel good hormones and I can never imagine my life without it.
  5. I have made incredible friends thanks to my running addiction and they have made some amazing contributions in my life.  It would not be the same without them.
  • You love food (This is no secret). Coupled with your fitness program, doesn’t this present significant challenges to your love for making your taste buds dance, and to your fitness lifestyle?

The trick is to balance out everything.  The moment you deprive your body, the moment you over indulge.  I love my food without a doubt and what works for me is portion control and making sure I prepare the meals myself whenever I can that way I get to choose all the ingredients that go into the meal.

  • What’s the best restaurant you’ve been to in Harare? Have you blogged about it before?

I have been to a handful of restaurants so far but this year I have to admit that Victoria 22 took my breath away.  I went there for my birthday and I was absolutely wowed.  Yes, I blogged about it, that’s one of the other things I enjoy on my blog, writing about Restaurant Reviews.  The link for the Victoria 22 experience is here.

  • Are men trash?

LOL, how random is that question?  I will throw the same question back at you, are women trash?

  • There was one blog that caught my attention, about single mothers. You really went in on this one. Have you any words about the subject and people’s perception towards it?

I remember the blog.  It was meant to run as a series but I could not get enough people to contribute, it can still be done if I put my mind to it.  Just watch this space for details…About Single Mothers, society is messed up.  The moment they hear someone is a single mother they throw judgement and yet they don’t even know her story.  People need to grow up and stop treating single mothers like they have some sort of a disease.  Women are raising  a child or children on her own for different reasons.  Life happens, no one is perfect after all is said and done.

  • Your pride and joy…can you pick out one of your proudest mummy moments?

It was a random day that I spoke to Miss Kupsy over the phone.  I always tell her I love her at the end of each conversation.  That day I was in a rush and quickly said goodbye.  She called out “Mhamhi!” from the other end before I hung up then I replied her and she said “I love you”.  My heart melted, that was the first time she said that without me telling her first.  I was in puddles of joy, she is my little ray of sunshine.

  • You drink more than I do. You’re a fan of vodka too. So I am sure you have a story to tell about the most drunk you’ve been before. We’re listening…

You love stories way too much.  The funniest story I can recall that is Vodka related is the first time my cousin and I tried it.  When we got back home we struggled to go up the stairs.  We stayed on the fourth floor but thanks to having one too many we got to the third floor and tried to unlock the door.  It wouldn’t open and we passed out right there in the passage.  We got up sometime in the morning when we started feeling cold and obviously back to being sober and realised we were on the wrong floor!  Amateur drinking right there!  Now I’m a pro, come to me for the best Vodka mixes in town.

  • Can you recommend a good book to read, that isn’t Karma Sutra or Mills and Boon?

I have never in my life read a Mills & Boon, that was never my portion.  I recommend you get your hands on Half of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie you won’t put that book down.  If you are into our very own local literature read The Hairdresser of Harare by Tendai Huchu, it took me 3 days to finish it, it was that good!

  • Finally, can we expect much more from MaKupsy in the following months? Is there anything in the pipeline? Or is it a secret? Shall we keep our eyes and ears open?

You are not ready for the things I have lined up Fitness wise.  It’s going to be amazing, your go to place for all things workout related.  It’s not a secret but a surprise.  Come December this year, you will me totally blown away!

 

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MaKupsy

Have a lovely weekend everyone and stay inspired to be the best version of yourself each and everyday.

© MaKupsy 2016