Saying Goodbye Is Not Always The Answer

Its 7pm, where are you?

Sorry dear, I’m running late.

I thought we agreed you would pick me up for dinner at 6:30 pm, like really, what’s up with that?!!

I’m on my way, I have just been delayed.

You know what, don’t come anymore, I can’t believe you made me wait this whole time; I’m going out with my friends instead!

But I’m nearly there.

No, forget it, actually, fuck this relationship, I’m done, if you can’t even keep time then what’s the point?

Can we just talk about this before you make such a drastic decision?

Silence

Within minutes he shows up, I jump into the car and there is nothing but dead silence until we reach our destination.  I diagnosed myself as suffering from Anger Management Issues (Whatever those are) because the way I would easily get annoyed the heck was completely out of this world.  I don’t know if it’s fortunate or unfortunate that I had a very patient boyfriend back then but because of him I learnt a thing or two about relationships.

The number one problem with me is that I don’t tolerate a lot of things.  Be it poor hygiene, not keeping time, typos and grammatical errors; I know you think this one is absurd but I find it a real turn off if the person I am supposed to be dating bombards me with messages that have typos, I easily lose focus and stop replying their messages.  If you think that’s being melodramatic it’s because you haven’t read my blog post titled Miss Petty.  Unfortunately for me because I have become very set in my ways over the years it has become increasingly difficult to compromise.  I blame staying on my own throughout my 20’s, I just don’t have room for someone else’s bullshit.  Wait, what am I supposed to blogging about again?  I think I am losing the plot, let me get back to the story at hand.

Seeing that we have been delayed we have missed our dinner reservation he decides we go to a laid back place instead and chill and have drinks and a meal.  However, he doesn’t tell me this because he knows for a fact that I am fuming already as it is.

We get to the parking lot and he sighs heavily and starts talking…

I honestly don’t understand why you just won’t give me a chance MaKupsy.  It’s been how many months now but each time I try to do something nice for you I am always greeted by being ignored or you simply tell me to take a hike.  What you don’t realise is that I have fallen in love with you.  I have tried so many ways to get through to your heart with zero luck.  Despite all your flaws I still want to be with you but clearly I am losing the plot somewhere.  Relationships are not meant to be easy and it seems like each time we have a problem you are ready to abandon ship.  It’s not supposed to be like that sweetheart; we are in this together and the only way this can grow into something solid and meaningful is if we communicate and move forward without you always saying hauchandida. (I don’t love you anymore).  Take today for example, when I told you I was running late you were already in defense mode and telling me you were making alternative plans.  Why didn’t you wait for me to show up to find out the reason(s) why I had been delayed and then take it from there instead of automatically assuming that I am taking your time for granted?  Tell you what, today is going to be a great evening and despite how it started off we are going to paint the town red, and no, you don’t have to say anything today, just take your time and digest what I just said.

He gets out of the car and comes to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for me like the gentleman that he is…

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Image from Pinterest

I never got to reply him in person on that day because did we have a great night out or what?!  However, the talk we had before our date made me realise something.  I had real underlying issues that needed to be dealt with.  I figured that the biggest problem was that once upon a time I had given my EVERYTHING to someone who did not reciprocate and it left me spent.  Each time I dated someone; at the back of my head I kept thinking that my current boyfriend was going to do something to hurt me so I always had my suitcase packed and ready to move on before I got my heart entangled in a relationship I assumed would leave me heart broken.  What I didn’t realise was that I was doing myself more harm than good because after all was said and done I was the one missing out on a chance of happiness while holding onto past disappointments.  How sad?  In my head everyone was like my ex boyfriend(s) and I never gave them a real chance.

The universe had other plans though, she sent someone who was patient and understanding.  Even though half the time we dated I threw major temper tantrums he still stood by me and taught me the art of communication and reminded me that there were still a few good men(5 of them and counting) with good intentions out there.

©MaKupsy 2017

Relationship Deal Breakers

Show me a woman who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar! – MaKupsy 2017

Hello my lovings, it’s another beautiful day.  I don’t know why this week I have been inspired to write about relationships.  Maybe it’s a sign that I should be a Relationship Coach?  It’s the only explanation I can think of really because lately I seem to have the answers to everyone else’s relationship problems except mine!  Then again, it isn’t always a great idea to do the first thing that comes to mind right so let me stick to blogging and fitness for now.

The following deal breakers apply to both male and female so pay attention this might be the reason why one or some of your relationships have not worked out.

Poor Hygiene

I don’t know about you but personally if the person who is supposedly pursuing me is not friends with taking a bath that might be an actual reason to go our separate ways.  I think that we should all love ourselves enough to take care of our bodies and that includes basic things like taking a bath, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails, flushing after yourself when you leave the toilet and wearing clean ironed clothes!!  It might sound basic on paper but some people couldn’t care less and go around looking like they just walked out of a maize field and expect to get a partner looking like that?

Inability To Spend

Now before you raise your eyebrows I am not talking about a man spending money on a woman.  I am talking about an individual spending money on THEMSELVES.  This right here is an actual cause of concern because if you are not occasionally spoiling yourself with the finer things what are the chances of you doing the same for a partner if you end up with one?  However, this can work either way because one may not necessarily spend on themselves but will spend on their partner…BUT it’s very rare that this happens; it’s complicated really.

Drive & Ambition

Show me a woman(man) who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar!  As you get older relationships become less of “Let’s see how this goes” and more of “What’s the plan between us”.  By plan I don’t mean a couple getting marriage which is a great idea by the way.  In this case I mean a plan to work together and encourage each other to reach personal and couple goals.  A plan for what your day, weekend, month or year together will look like.  Nothing brings a yawn fest as much as having a partner who has no plan whatsoever for the team.  Remember a relationship is a team effort and if you are the only one driving the team you will get tired and that right there will be the beginning of many problems to come.  I once had a conversation with a friend who told me that in order for people to have less stress in relationships they should try and pair up with people who “mirror them”.  Loosely translated to be with someone who has dreams, aspirations and the same energy as you do that way you will be team players and not have a situation of a pilot and a passenger in the relationship.

Dishonesty

This has to be the biggest deal breaker for me.  If you are in a relationship feelings change for the worst or the best and that is perfectly okay.  It is always best to communicate how you feel about the next person because even though some of the honesty might hurt it saves a couple time.  For example, if you fall out of love with someone don’t keep quiet about it and hope things will change.  Sometimes all you need to do is talk about it with your partner and find ways to bring back the fire.  If that fails then do the adult thing and break up amicably.  Most people choose to keep quiet about how they feel and end up cheating and hurting more people than necessary in the process.  If you are about this relationship business then you have to start getting your communication skills in tip top shape.

We were all brought up differently and when you get into a relationship this is the first thing you need to remind yourself.  What might be perfectly normal to you might be foreign to the next person.  You have to be patient and get to learn what you are both about but it doesn’t mean you have to stay on if you are unhappy.  Your happiness comes first and after you have tried everything to try and blend in it’s fine to walk away and take care of yourself.

These are the four main deal breakers for me.  What are yours?

I know I didn’t add cheating but it’s so cliche everyone says they won’t tolerate cheating but most people end up putting up with it when they find out but that’s a story for a completely different day.

Today, let’s talk about what will stop you from dating that one person you have your eye on?

©MaKupsy 2017

The Power Of A Referral

At the beginning of this year we had a road trip to Mazvikadei Resort.  It was a beautiful experience and a great way to start the new year.  I remember seeing my friend’s girlfriend for the first time and falling in love with her and her hair on the spot!  Unfortunately at the time I had just had my hair done and I was still disappointed with the results.  I told her I would get in touch with her the next time I decided to get my hair braided and so here we are!

I got in touch with my friend who then gave me Christine’s contact number.  Christine is her hairdresser.  I called her to set up an appointment and she confirmed she would be free a whole week after speaking to her.  I couldn’t wait, I just wanted to look pretty and waiting is not my strong point.  However, I had no choice and so the wait began.  True to her word at 6:30am she sent a message telling me she was outside my apartment.  Unbelievable!  She had said she would come through at 7:00am but she was early and I was already impressed.

Cut a long story short I got my hair done from 7:00am till 4:00pm.  I actually didn’t feel how the day went by because guess what?  You are not even ready to read this part…SHE DOES YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU ARE ASLEEP!!!  Guys, she actually prefers that you sleep and she gets on with her work with peace, quiet and maximum concentration!  I am NEVER EVER going to get anyone else to braid my hair.  She is the hairdresser I have always wanted.

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Not only does she do your hair to a tee she is also a pleasant person who quickly blends in.  I love that she is open and tells you what does and doesn’t work for her from the get go.  The money she charges as you can see, is very much worth every dollar!

This year I promised myself that I would write more on women who are doing amazing things.  We normally focus on those who are already doing it big and forget about the ones in the shadows.  There is too much negativity as it is in the world, it would be beautiful to have more positive stories to read about women in our communities.  I kid you not, Christine is the first of many fabulous women to be featured on my blog this year.  I am so happy with my hair I might do it again and again and again before the year ends.

If you would like Christine to do your hair, she is just a phone call and thankfully she does home visits.  However, you have to book in advance as she is a very busy woman so you have to make sure you organise yourself in time.  Get in touch with me so that I can you the hook up of a lifetime!

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I am sooooo in love with my new hairdo you have no idea!  You know I love all things beautiful and when I say something is good it really is good.  Give her a try, you won’t be disappointed!

If you know anyone who would like to be featured please let me know.

©MaKupsy 2017

The Joys of Singledom

I know some people who have never been single in their life, like ever.  They have always jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just enjoy being on their own.  I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention.  The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post.  So what is being single?  Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

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photo credit from my Twitter tweind @monakadurira

I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single.  But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism.  That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.

So…about that single life.  You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked.  (doing who you please is also very much an option)  You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance.  For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single.  The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how.  That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some.  You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with!  The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active.  You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body.  Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating??  That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!

Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship.  You learn the art of dating yourself.  You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.

Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:

Blog Reader 1
  • You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
  • Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
  • I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
  • Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past.  Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
  • You get to spend all your money alone.
  • You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
  • You don’t have curfews.
  • You have more money to spend on beer.

(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)

Blog Reader 3
  • You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
  • Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
  • I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
  • I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.

So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way.  If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…

©MaKupsy 2017

This Is Why You Are Not Happy

I used to have a lot of friends but with time we outgrew each other because of different milestones we all went through which is perfectly okay.  Now I think I have probably have four really close friends who I know I can call on whatever time of day and just catch up, vent or talk about how we can grow in all life aspects.  I hardly mention names when I write up my posts because when someone reads my blog they always know when I am writing about them and the same applies today.  Let me tell you about a conversation I once had with a once was good friend of mine.  Let’s call him D.

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Image from Google

The one time we had gone out for coffee and we were catching up on life and all things random.  He asked me what I had planned for the weekend and frankly I had a whole list of things I wanted to do but I didn’t have the means.  I still remember what I told him.  I wanted to go for a long drive till I got to a place with a lake; park there and take in the sunset and calming surroundings.  After that I would probably take a dip because I love me some water and I always have a reason to swim.  That said, K said to me; “You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  I was like dude, are you mad?  How is that even possible you do know that I don’t have a car right?  He simply told me that he knew but that was all the more reason to start working towards buying my own car! Okay, that was a shocker but the shocker made me actually start looking at things differently.

You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  

I have a great example of how I made the first change.  I once joined a fitness group on Facebook that has been there for quite a while now.  I was excited to be part of a team that enjoyed fitness as much as I did but the downside was these guys only published posts for their regular members and so my runs and workouts were always pending.  I was gutted and told myself, self, you either have to suck it up and accept that this is how its done in this group or start your own group!  Of course I started my own group, are you mad, why subject myself to such misery?  It was the best decision that I ever made and it made me realise change can be just a click away!

We always have an excuse not to do something.  When you really look at it you are usually the one stopping yourself from achieving the majority of your goals.  Oh it’s too difficult, I don’t have what it takes, maybe if I had this, it’s because I went to this school, only people from certain backgrounds get to have that.  The excuses are plenty!  Listen; you only get to do this life thing once and you better make the most of it!  I used to be this person; always with a list of excuses but after the talk with D I grew up instantly.  If you don’t have a car then by all means take public transport to wherever you want to go, if you don’t have money to go to the gym then workout from home, if you are passionate about music but you are not part of a band then start your own band.  Stop waiting for a saviour and save yourself already.  Actually, you read this everyday on social media but you just won’t do anything about it but here I am trying to convince you.  Why am i even wasting my time?  As and when you are ready you will make that change.

I still don’t have a car by the way but I have set a target for myself and started working towards getting one.  My dream car is the Land Rover Discovery; she’s going to be my baby in this lifetime, one day is one day!  For now my first car will be a little fuel saver that takes me all over the country on a budget.  That way I will get to travel more and get to take a tonne of pictures, create memories and live my best life now.  I am still living my life like it’s golden by the way, pedestrian life and all but once I get my car it will be on level 47646727 so you guys should just watch this space!

Now let’s get talking, what is stopping you from living your best life now?  Do you want to die and not have lived as many happy moments as possible?  You know you can die today, right here and right now?  Would people say you were a bubbly soul who did everything in their power to spread happiness or you just lived each day unhappy and ready to stab yourself with a spoon out of sheer boredom?

 

©MaKupsy 2017

The Dating Game

 

Early morning phone call…

Him: Hello, how are you this lovely morning?

Her: I’m great honey how are you you today?

Him: I’m good babes. I was thinking, how about I pick you up around 10am and we do breakfast and catch up?  It has been a really long week and we haven’t spent time together.  We can decide what to do with the rest of the day after breakfast; make sure you wear that dress I like.

Her: That would be a lovely way to start the weekend.  Let me get some more shut eye so that I have enough energy for the rest of the day.  I’m excited already; I hope we are trying out that new place we saw the last time?

Him: Yes we are and make sure you don’t take forever to get ready I know you babes.

Her: I promise I will be early even though we both know that’ impossible.  Will see you soon honey.  Kisses

Him: Bye babes see you soon.

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Shingi & Tonde

Do these things still happen?  If yes, please show me the direction so that I can go as well!  I remember conversations like these when I was in my early 20’s.  I LOVED it, it was more real, more sentimental.  I blame the very first boyfriend I had.  That guy was probably from another planet because he really went all out.  There is no experience he did not take me through.  There was never a dull moment the time we dated, surprises were his middle name.  You know how women just love those.  When I look back I realise that he took his time to know what my interests were and coupled them with his so that we were both happy in the end.  Picnics, dinners, breakfasts, flowers, birthday trips, my first flying experience, road trips, learning how to drive…the list is endless and really making me nostalgic right about now.  If I am honest with myself after dating him the experiences with the people I dated just went downhill from there and everything became so obvious, he killed the magic guys, he killed it!  LOL

When my friends and I have our random chats about men we are always entertained!  We have concluded that there are two types of guys; the ones that will take you kunogocha (going for a braai) and buy you a lot of alcohol and hope you get drunk.  To think all that money could have been used for a more intimate sit in date.

Then the other ones who will take you out for a proper date, make arrangements that actually involve things you also enjoy doing then pick you up and sometimes even buy you a dress for the date!  Yes, those guys are out there and they do exist; you just don’t find them in the yellow pages.  I am not saying “kunogocha” can’t be termed as a date but surely when you are still trying to get to know someone the options are plenty and that one should be the last one on your list.  Are you trying to impress someone or trying to never see them again?

I remember reading somewhere that when a man is into you; you will know it through his actions.  Can we safely conclude that those who don’t make an effort are really not into a woman?

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Another beautiful date idea; go for a photo shoot. 🙂

If you are trying to get attention from a woman by all means let your creative juices flow!  The early days can make or break your dating chances.  You want to be remembered as that guy who did the one thing that no other guy had done for her.  Let the other random no so exciting dates come after you have won her over.  At least you would have shown her that you are capable of keeping things exciting.  Being spontaneous really goes a long way.  I know you are reading this and thinking a relationship involves two people why is the man being the one to do all the work here?  Well, the answer is simple; the man is the hunter, us women are just out here waiting to be hunted.

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Shingi & Tonde

Thank you to Shingi and Tonde for the beautiful pictures.  They are my favourite Twitter couple and when I have free time I stalk them and just smile.  Love is a beautiful thing to watch and they do it so well.  I wish them nothing but love and happiness.

Let’s talk.  What are your thoughts on dating?  What have been your best and worst experiences so far?  Is your man calling you to make a date or it’s whatever happens that day happens.  Guys, how are you spicing up your dating game?

I hope your weekend was great!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

I Made My Woman Smile Today

I noticed that maybe just maybe I am being a little too hard on the men out there.  So this post is for the men and the positive things they do for the women in their lives.  It’s not really about going above and beyond but the simple things that make her smile.   As always the participants remain anonymous, only their ages will be disclosed.  Here is a list of the things they did today just to put that beautiful smile on their partners face.

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  • I gave her a surprise visit at her workplace with a bunch or roses. 23
  • I bought her jewelry. 22
  • I bought her a new phone Samsung Galaxy 4 just because she was being a good wife and mother to my children. 32 
  • I sent a voice note reciting a poem and she loved it. 22
  • I kissed my wife goodbye on the cheek before I left the house. 30
  • I sent a message saying “I love you”.  Believe me for most married people those are rare words. 41
  • I complimented her on her new hairstyle. 28
  • I took her to Nandos for lunch. 34
  • This morning I told her she is the most beautiful wife a man could ever have. 41
  • I finally put a photo of both of us on my Twitter Avi. 25
  • I gave her a necklace with her name on it. 26
  • I called her, all the way from South Africa to Harare for a good 10 minutes. 34
  • I remembered our first year anniversary and sent a gift to her office. 27

You see, sometimes all a woman needs is a random act to show her that she still has your heart.  I hope the other guys out there get to read this and will hopefully do something to brighten up their partner’s day.

Let me know what you decide to do for your leading lady today 🙂

MaKupsy