To Give Or Not To Give Your Girlfriend A Monthly Allowance?

Girlfriend  Giving Directions To Her Boyfriend

“Come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me off.  Look for flat 9A, you’ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.  Get out of the lift, you’ll find my flat on the left.  Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW and I’ll get the door for you.”

Boyfriend says: That seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend: “OMG! Are you coming empty handed?”

Boyfriend: (speechless)

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I thought this was hilarious because some men are famous for visiting their girlfriends with just dick and hairy balls, like can we throw those in a pan and fry them for supper?  Women are not saying buy them something everyday but why not think outside the box for a change and surprise a lady with something she likes??

One of my contacts sent me that joke on WhatsApp last night and it gave me an idea to blog about this morning.  Let’s talk about Bae Allowance shall we?

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Photo Credit Theo & Essy

Bae Allowance – Money a guy gives his girlfriend at the end of each month for her random needs.

Let me first give you my thoughts on the subject matter.  This might end up being a lengthy blog but I promise you will enjoy it.  Let me tell you a bit about my very first boyfriend.  That guy treated me like a little princess.  He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special event, good or bad moment.  We were through it all through thick and thin.  The whole 5 years that we dated I never asked for a single dime of his money.  He just did things because he wanted to and not because I had to beg and plead for him to do so.  Maybe because back then I was younger and had less problems but I believe even if we had stayed together he was still going to be that guy who takes care of his woman without her throwing tantrums about it.  After dating other people after him I can safely say that people are different and just because he went above and beyond for me doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same.

For that reason I have since learnt to accept that one should always live within their means and not expect the next person to cater to their every single need.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your man should not spoil you but you don’t have to convince him to do so, he has to do so on his own accord.  Guys already know that a woman needs to be pampered every now and again and so if he isn’t doing it for you it’s either he doesn’t want to or he is just not that into you (JUST KIDDING).  I for one would not want a fixed monthly allowance though, that’s just tacky because if the tables were turned trust me I would not be paying anyone an allowance for being a part of my life.  I have a daughter on my  payroll as it is, I don’t think I can make anymore additions to that!

I asked a few friends; both male and female about their thoughts on Bae Allowance and these were their thoughts:

The ladies said:

  • I think if it’s a serious relationship it’s not meant to be an obligation; both are meant to help each other out.  In a case were both work rather do  things for each other than give each other money otherwise it will seem like it’s all about money.
  • l feel most guys should give their girlfriends bae allowance.  That way  you avoid having to constantly say “Baby my hair is a mess l need money, baby my nails what not.  Just give her the monthly allowance so that you don’t stress each other out every other week.  IT’S NOT A MUST THOUGH.

The guys said:

  • There should not be a fixed mandatory Bae Allowance in a relationship.  It is of paramount importance that an individual be self sufficient that way I can chip in here and there.  It’s important to take care of your partner (what you don’t do for her, she will find someone else who can) but it should not be made out into a big deal when I can’t do it all the time.
  • If you’re my girlfriend don’t ask me for anything that costs $5 or less because what were you doing for money before we started dating? Now you suddenly want my money.  I should feel like spending on you willingly.  I’m not a bank and understand that when I say I don’t have money most of the time I genuinely don’t have because money is hard to come by.  I will spend on her but allowance I don’t do… It’s like I’m paying you to be my girlfriend!

There you have it.  Both sexes have voiced out their opinions.

As an addition I just had to say this.  Fine, I know I am not for a woman actually getting to be on her boyfriends payroll but some of these guys are cheap skates.  If you actually don’t even ask him to buy you anything he will actually continue to do so and not see anything wrong with that.  Let me ask the guys a question.  How are you going to date your girlfriend for a whole year and not once surprise her with a set of sexy lingerie?  So you are an expert at taking off her clothes but not buying her anything to add sexiness to her lingerie collection??  Also, why do some guys just want to take women out for drinks when the same amount can be used for a proper lunch, dinner or better still coffee date?  Okay fine, that is completely off topic now.

This is the part I say goodbye.

My friends from the Podcast world got excited about this topic and touched on the subject.  You can listen in from here.

©MaKupsy 2018

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Why Women Cheat

Women cheat, it’s just that they don’t go on talking about it the same way guys do. Some of the information may surprise you, some will enlighten you, you may roll your eyes and judge but that’s the situation on the ground.   Life happens and at some point some women have cheated or think about cheating.  I suppose not everyone was cut out to be “Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes.”  A few women share their stories below:

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Image from Google

Escape from reality

Yes I have cheated because I met someone who excited me more than my partner did. Someone who made me feel alive at the time. Usually it’s fun yes but it mostly ends badly. Fact is that the guy you cheated with was never a serious thing. He was a whirlwind romance, an escape really. Sometimes the one you cheat with probably has someone in his life and he is also cheating. However there are the rare ones who are single and will actually try making things work out in that cheating scenario. Best cases are the relationships that may come out of cheating.

Forbidden fruit

I have cheated. I cheated because I was selfish and my needs were not being met and it was frustrating, got an escape, all the attention from the guy I was cheating with.  It was not everything, obviously the fun was that it was stolen wares they sell twice as dear. He called every morning, kept tabs on me, made me feel special but I never wanted to leave my guy, even though my cheating partner was okaish, It was just that a little fling to keep me sane. I eventually couldnt keep up, I loved my guy but my needs were not being met, and I knew we had to talk. The best things in life are not free, they are forbidden. the guilt, the adrenaline of cheating OMG.  I loved/love my boyfriend with all my heart and he may kill me if he knew he may be very disappointed, but ndakanakirwa hangu(I had a good time) please!!!  The other guy’s flaws made me realise my own boyfriends good side, I learnt that my guy loves me maturely and respectfully, he is human and honest, he is not going out of his way to impress me all the time but he loves me, I gave him the most breathtaking kiss ever the next time I was with him he asked what that was for, I lied…To be honest, all that kiss was saying was, I am sorry I had strayed I love you. For the record, I left the guy I was cheating with because I couldn’t give him my all. It was superficial, I had to be real with myself.  On the flip side, I learnt to communicate better with my guy, and understand him as well. Once we were in sync, paradise was peaceful again.  And you know what? I would never have known if I hadn’t cheated, maybe, who knows?

Intellectually Stimulating

Personally, I like an intellectually challenging man, but once I feel like you’re unable to stimulate my mind, or failing to keep up, I side track.  I’m attracted to men’s minds before physical appearance and all.  That was one reason I cheated once.  The other reason I think some women cheat is that you get bored of the same person.  It’s not so much the routine that you get bored of but when you know someone in and out you can predict things like reactions.  Those things then annoy you and you end up wanting a “change of environment” so to speak. Lastly, some women will forever compare their boyfriends to other men no matter what good he does.  It’s the comparing thing that exposes your man’s flaws so much, you tend to start getting attracted to the men you thing have “better” features; more money, are more caring, more attentive, bigger dick…the list is endless.

Pondering

I have thought about it. But I didn’t get to doing it because I felt bad. But it was during those times when he doesn’t give you as much attention as he used to then there’s some guy who’s there giving you all the attention that you’re craving. I think men just get a little too comfortable and stop doing what they used to do. Its the little things that they stop doing that you tend to notice; things like getting you something on his way home or telling you stuff that he used to tell you all the time that they end up taking for granted.

 

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Image from Google

And I am sure you are all wondering if I have cheated before? Well, the answer is yes.  Not that it is something to be proud of but I had my reasons.  My number one problem was that I did not forgive my then boyfriend for cheating on me.  Instead I took him back and pretended all was well while in the meantime I was planning my revenge.  It was both emotional and physical cheating and in my mind I blamed my partner for turning me into this person who wanted to pay an eye for an eye.  I really wanted him to feel the same pain he put me through, the sleepless nights, the broken heart.  Did I regret ever cheating on him? No, not even a single bit, because we were even, he cheated, I cheated so I didn’t have to grin and bear it anymore.  Will I cheat again? NO that is seriously emotionally damaging and I do not plan on going through the lies and the secrets, too draining.

Moral of the story?  Women cheat for all sorts of reasons but thankfully it is not every woman who does.  And guess what, MOST times when women do cheat, they don’t get caught…

©MaKupsy 2018

10 Things Better Than Sex

“Here lies X, they died from lack of sex.”   I would like to believe there is no tombstone in the history of human kind with those words on it and that shows you that there are truly other things that are better than sex.  Let me tell you some of things I know can bring you such feel good hormones sex will be the last thing on your mind.  Prepare to be amazed!

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Image from Pinterest

  1. Credit bank alert!  Especially the one that comes when you are dead broke and all you have between you and poverty is your empty wallet.
  2. Free WiFi.  Picture walking into a restaurant and after ordering your meal your phone picks up WiFi signal and it’s free!  Best believe you are going to be ordering more coffee to compliment your food; you will definitely be sitting around to enjoy updating your phone and searching for all sorts!  Data is expensive this side of the world so free WiFi will make anyone happy.  Do you know any restaurants in Harare that offer free WiFi?
  3. Masturbation.  If there is one thing everyone should do if they intend to have great sex, it’s to masturbate.  How else will you get to know the ins and outs of your body if you don’t spend time learning it.  Great part is that an orgasm is ALWAYS guaranteed.
  4. Great conversation.  Ever spent hours on end talking to someone over the phone and you just wished your phone had never ending battery life.  I know sapiosexuals can relate to this.  Nothing beats someone who makes your mind tick!
  5. Alcohol.  Nothing to make you happy like a strong drink(vokda) of your choice.  It makes everything better.  Which drink takes you to a happy?
  6. Winning the lottery!  I would like to believe you have dreams and aspirations which you wish would materialise if you had money.  Guess what, if you won the lottery all that and more could come true.  My question is, are you playing the lottery?  If not, how do you expect to win the lottery??
  7. Running water.  After a long day at work the first thing I want to do when I get home is enjoy a relaxing bath.  You only realise the importance of running water after you go for a week without it.  I would rather enjoy a bath than have sex if I’m really honest with myself.
  8. #BlogIndaba and I’m not even saying this to try and sell you an idea.  There is never a dull moment when the Bloggers on this platform come together.  The engagement on different topics leaves you wanting to read and research more on issues that affect us all.  It’s a great place to unwind.
  9. A good morning text.  I don’t know about you but waking up to a message from the one person who you are foolishly and happily in love with is one of the best feelings in the entire world!
  10. Hearing that Mugabe has resigned!  After having the same president for a whole 37 years no feeling can compare to this.

What’s on your list of things that are better than sex?  Show me yours, I’ve shown you mine 🙂

© MaKupsy 2017

Friends Are Like Breasts

“Friends are like breasts, you’ve got big ones, small ones, real ones, and fake ones.”

I’m that one person who has very few friends.  I can safely say I have just 5 close friends and it’s a great feeling; I have way less drama in my life thanks to that.  These friends are in trouble though, we share the most random life experiences and I promise you if anyone went  Over the years I have lost and found new friends at different phases of my life but one thing stands true, all of my friendships have come with both positive and negative lessons which I will write about at a later time.  Today let me share my thoughts on how you can keep the sparkle in your friendship.

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Shami & MaKupsy 🙂

Communication

Friendships just like relationships take a lot of work.  Thankfully technology has made life easier for everyone and most people have access to WhatsApp, Skype, phone calls, social media platforms, think Facebook; there really is no excuse not to stay in touch.  If you plan on staying friends for a while you have to make sure you take regular communication seriously.

Spending Time Together

Yes ladies, you know how we always complain about that guy who only texts but never makes an effort to meet up and see you on a face to face date?  No prize for guessing that the same thing applies to friendship!  Make an effort to meet up in person as often as you can to do activities you both like.  I know one of my close friends has a “no phones policy” when we go out on dates, she believes it’s important to give each other 110% attention when we finally get to spend time together because cellphones are generally disruptive and I now completely agree!

Space

There is a huge difference between catching up and suffocating your friend.  Don’t be that friend who doesn’t understand the art of leaving someone alone with their thoughts.  It’s perfectly fine to go a day or two without talking to a close friend, life is happening to all of us and sometimes spending an entire day chatting away about nothing is not the most productive thing to do.  It’s welcome on most days but certainly not on all days.  If you are this person, please give your friend some space.

Surprises

I would have said gifts but everyone’s language of love is different.  I remember the one time I was crazy in love about shoes and my best friend Tanya, who happens to be all the way in South Africa got me a pair of designer heels for my birthday.  I was in tears of joy the entire day thinking of how she planned for weeks to get the shoes to me on my birthday without ever showing a hint of what she was up to.  She knows my language of love is all things pretty if that’s even a language but she gets me.  You know what your friend values the most, whatever it is, make an effort to go out of your way and get it done for them.  Here’s a free idea, get someone to clean their house and do their laundry and iron it so that they come back home they get back to a sparkling clean house!

*P.S. Surprise money is also nice*

Honesty

If your friend is always in agreement and never questions your choices or decisions is that even a friend?  At some point you will mess up and you will need someone to hand it out to you in black and white, no sugar coating, no playing nice; just the hard truth.  They will also give you advice on how best to deal with a situation because criticism without a way forward is pointless.  When your friend is losing the plot be the one to remind them, good friends look out for each other.

Grow Together

Grow in all aspects.  Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  What’s the point of being friends if you remain exactly the same?  Most of my friends are book worms, they are always studying for some programme of sort and it’s only natural that it rubs onto me.  The last time I was on a coffee date with Chenge she encouraged me to take up an online course which I delayed on taking any action on until a few weeks ago.  You see, our lunch dates are productive after all!

These are my top tips on how to keep the spice in your friendship.  I know there are a lot more of where those came from but I would like to hear from you.  What do you do to maintain the friendship connections in your life?  I’ve observed that men don’t seem to do a lot of work to maintain their friendships.  How do you men do it?  Please share your secrets!

That said, when it comes to the sort of breast friend I am, I’m right up there with the “real breasts, have you seen the size of my breasts?! *insert forever laughing emoji here*

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

Day 7: Lose Yourself In My Top 10 Zimbabwean Songs

Music makes me happy.  It’s my go to place when I need something to evoke different emotions within me.  From getting myself in a good mood, going for my morning run, dancing with my daughter, unwinding after a long day at work…music is art!

I have always been a fan of music but it was mostly international music.  It was only in the early 2000’s that a genre titled “Urban Grooves” emerged that I started paying attention to our local music.  It was advocated that all local radio stations were to play 75% local content by local artists.  What I loved was that most of the artists sang in Shona, bonus!!!  Back then music was soulful, it was rich and high school boys would use that to their advantage and dedicate songs to their potential girlfriends on radio and automatically had almost every high school going child tuned in to listen in case you got a “dedication.” These are the times where song books and auto books were a big hit but that’s a story for another day.  They were still good times indeed!

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Photo Credit EXQ (@exq_papi) Instagram

Enter 2005 a new genre of music appeared on the scenes, ZimDancehall.  Can you believe that nearly 12 years later it’s still going strong and racking in listeners both young and old?  What I love about ZimDancehall is that the artists are telling their story as it is, there is no sugar coating there.  They sing their truth!  However, ZimDancehall is not everyone’s cup of tea and some people criticise it stating that it is shallow.  What some people don’t realise is that it is the day to day reality of a group of people whose existence we don’t like to acknowledge but form a large part of our culture (our real CULTURE not our traditional).  The fact that we keep shunning issues that are on the ground is probably part of the reason why some people are failing to be themselves.

Please be friends with YouTube to get to watch the videos or listen to the audios.  Below is a list of my top 10 favourite tracks in no particular order; straight out of the heart of Zimbabwe, please note that the genres vary.

  1. Nhema: ExQ and Killer T
  2. Ndipe Rudo: Sani Makhalima
  3. Penge Penge: Tytan
  4. Million Reasons: Prayersoul
  5. 25: Winky D
  6. Pain Killer: Stunner
  7. Alleluya: Roki and ExQ
  8. Ndiyende: Celscius
  9. Wakandipedzera Nguva Yangu: Selmor Mtukudzi
  10. Dai Zvaibvira: Killer T

I asked an artist and friend, Prayersoul his thoughts on the music industry in Zimbabwe;

There is no fixed structure in Zimbabwe for people to know what’s hot and what’s not.  For example, the reason we all know about Cassper Nyovest is because of Channel O, Trace Africa, MTV Base and all the other music channels available on DSTV.  They have a strong media presence and this gives consumers access to them.  If Cassper Nyovest does a video it will go to different fans from Africa, South Africa alone has nearly 55 million people!  He has demand and can send out emails to African promoters to let them know he will be in their country if they want to book a show.  Zimbabwe musicians are not getting this type of exposure.  If there was one channel that we all watched in Zimbabwe and it wasn’t Dstv; think a Zimbabwe “Dstv”.  Then everyone in the industry wanting to grow and get popular would try and get on it and viewers will get to know who is who and increase their chances of bookings.

What is your favourite music genre in your country?  Have there been any collaborations that have gone international?  What do you like or dislike about the music from your country?

©MaKupsy 2017

How To Lose A Great Guy

One of the main reasons I started blogging was because of a guy.  I had caught feelings so bad I thought they were going to suffocate me in my sleep and I would die without him ever knowing it.  Fast forward to a few months after posting that blog we started dating.  Please note he had not seen that post because it was the only post I had made so thankfully nature took its natural course.

However, this was going to be a long distance relationship.  He worked out of the country and he would only come home twice a year.  We spoke about the challenges we would face where distance was concerned and given that he worked on a cruise ship it meant that the greater part of the time I would not get to speak to him over the phone because most times he would be at sea.  When you are in love you think everything will be a walk in the park.  We made promises to each other before he left and everything was bliss.

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Image from Google

The first few weeks were manageable.   We got to communicate through WhatsApp every other day and each time I saw his name pop up on my screen my face would light up.  I was at that point I would get upset if anyone else tried to send me a message because I only wanted to hear from him.

Weeks turned into months and communication was getting less and less because he had to work.  At first I played the understanding girlfriend, after all I already knew what I had signed myself up for beforehand.  I kept myself busy with other activities and tried not to obsess over carrying my phone around everywhere in case he tried getting in touch with me.  When I didn’t hear from weeks I started feeling blue.  I remember sending a message to my friend and telling her that I wasn’t okay and I was missing my boyfriend so much.  She reassured me that all would be okay and as soon as he was free he would definitely get in touch with me.

It’s not easy when someone who means the world to you is miles away and you can’t do anything but wait to hear from him.  The most I could do was email him and you can only send so many emails before you start sounding obsessive.  I had to wait…Eventually he would get time to chat and Voice Messages have never sounded so precious.  I felt better again and I was back to my happy self.

I really fought the feeling of ending things.  I was getting more and more frustrated by the day.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love him, I did but my language of love is Quality Time and in order to feel closely connected to my partner I have to spend time with him.  That wasn’t happening; not that I didn’t know it wasn’t going to be happening but I didn’t realise it would be so hard!  Why did I even get myself into this?  Oh yes, LOVE.

I ended up sending him a message telling him I was unhappy and that the relationship was over.  (My heart was breaking as I typed every single word to him).  He only got the message a few days after I sent it and he never replied.  That was the most regrettable thing I have done to date.  A part of me wanted to send another message telling him I didn’t mean what I had said.  I really didn’t but I think I was just longing for his attention and I went about it the wrong way!  I knew his schedule and I knew he would be back home in a few weeks so I assured myself that he would surely visit when he arrived and say something; anything.

The moment he landed in Zimbabwe he came to see me!

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Image from Google

That was the longest hug I had ever given him, it was heartfelt and I genuinely had missed him tonnes.  Everyone in the office was saying hi to him because they knew him from visits he would make when he was around.  I have never felt so much relief, in my head I thought him coming to see me was a good sign.  He picked me up after work and we went for a drive.  We talked about everything, his travels, my fitness obsession, he was shocked at the amount of weight I had lost since the last time we had seen each other.

After avoiding the real issue at hand he finally told me that he had come to see me because he wanted us to remain in good books even after things had not gone well between us.   He told me he had seen my message and he had been saddened because he thought we were going to work out.  He also said that he was not one to push if I had made up my mind he was not going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted out.  At this point in my head I was screaming noooooo, that wasn’t what it was I just wanted your attention I didn’t mean to break up with you! I really lost out on a good thing.  He was a great guy but I was childish about putting my feelings across.  Once he was done talking I just said it was okay and we went on to have dinner and he dropped me off at home.

We spoke a few times after that, he even went all out to make my birthday super special.   When he left the country that time around he only sent me a message to tell me he was leaving and when he arrived on the other side of the world he sent another message and that was the last time I heard from him.  I missed him, I missed him so much until I had to change my phone number because I knew I was never going to hear from him again.

The motive of this story?  Do not break up with someone unless you really feel that you want out.  Hoping that the next person will come running and begging for you to take them back or make it work might not actually happen.  You will end up single and miserable and wishing you had not sent that message or made that phone call. If you are really over someone tell them in person because that from what I have learnt shows maturity.

Have you been in a situation like this before?

I want to know from the guys, have you taken someone back after she told you she didn’t want to be with you anymore?

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

Saying Goodbye Is Not Always The Answer

Its 7pm, where are you?

Sorry dear, I’m running late.

I thought we agreed you would pick me up for dinner at 6:30 pm, like really, what’s up with that?!!

I’m on my way, I have just been delayed.

You know what, don’t come anymore, I can’t believe you made me wait this whole time; I’m going out with my friends instead!

But I’m nearly there.

No, forget it, actually, fuck this relationship, I’m done, if you can’t even keep time then what’s the point?

Can we just talk about this before you make such a drastic decision?

Silence

Within minutes he shows up, I jump into the car and there is nothing but dead silence until we reach our destination.  I diagnosed myself as suffering from Anger Management Issues (Whatever those are) because the way I would easily get annoyed the heck was completely out of this world.  I don’t know if it’s fortunate or unfortunate that I had a very patient boyfriend back then but because of him I learnt a thing or two about relationships.

The number one problem with me is that I don’t tolerate a lot of things.  Be it poor hygiene, not keeping time, typos and grammatical errors; I know you think this one is absurd but I find it a real turn off if the person I am supposed to be dating bombards me with messages that have typos, I easily lose focus and stop replying their messages.  If you think that’s being melodramatic it’s because you haven’t read my blog post titled Miss Petty.  Unfortunately for me because I have become very set in my ways over the years it has become increasingly difficult to compromise.  I blame staying on my own throughout my 20’s, I just don’t have room for someone else’s bullshit.  Wait, what am I supposed to blogging about again?  I think I am losing the plot, let me get back to the story at hand.

Seeing that we have been delayed we have missed our dinner reservation he decides we go to a laid back place instead and chill and have drinks and a meal.  However, he doesn’t tell me this because he knows for a fact that I am fuming already as it is.

We get to the parking lot and he sighs heavily and starts talking…

I honestly don’t understand why you just won’t give me a chance MaKupsy.  It’s been how many months now but each time I try to do something nice for you I am always greeted by being ignored or you simply tell me to take a hike.  What you don’t realise is that I have fallen in love with you.  I have tried so many ways to get through to your heart with zero luck.  Despite all your flaws I still want to be with you but clearly I am losing the plot somewhere.  Relationships are not meant to be easy and it seems like each time we have a problem you are ready to abandon ship.  It’s not supposed to be like that sweetheart; we are in this together and the only way this can grow into something solid and meaningful is if we communicate and move forward without you always saying hauchandida. (I don’t love you anymore).  Take today for example, when I told you I was running late you were already in defense mode and telling me you were making alternative plans.  Why didn’t you wait for me to show up to find out the reason(s) why I had been delayed and then take it from there instead of automatically assuming that I am taking your time for granted?  Tell you what, today is going to be a great evening and despite how it started off we are going to paint the town red, and no, you don’t have to say anything today, just take your time and digest what I just said.

He gets out of the car and comes to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for me like the gentleman that he is…

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Image from Pinterest

I never got to reply him in person on that day because did we have a great night out or what?!  However, the talk we had before our date made me realise something.  I had real underlying issues that needed to be dealt with.  I figured that the biggest problem was that once upon a time I had given my EVERYTHING to someone who did not reciprocate and it left me spent.  Each time I dated someone; at the back of my head I kept thinking that my current boyfriend was going to do something to hurt me so I always had my suitcase packed and ready to move on before I got my heart entangled in a relationship I assumed would leave me heart broken.  What I didn’t realise was that I was doing myself more harm than good because after all was said and done I was the one missing out on a chance of happiness while holding onto past disappointments.  How sad?  In my head everyone was like my ex boyfriend(s) and I never gave them a real chance.

The universe had other plans though, she sent someone who was patient and understanding.  Even though half the time we dated I threw major temper tantrums he still stood by me and taught me the art of communication and reminded me that there were still a few good men(5 of them and counting) with good intentions out there.

©MaKupsy 2017

This Is Why You Are Not Happy

I used to have a lot of friends but with time we outgrew each other because of different milestones we all went through which is perfectly okay.  Now I think I have probably have four really close friends who I know I can call on whatever time of day and just catch up, vent or talk about how we can grow in all life aspects.  I hardly mention names when I write up my posts because when someone reads my blog they always know when I am writing about them and the same applies today.  Let me tell you about a conversation I once had with a once was good friend of mine.  Let’s call him D.

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Image from Google

The one time we had gone out for coffee and we were catching up on life and all things random.  He asked me what I had planned for the weekend and frankly I had a whole list of things I wanted to do but I didn’t have the means.  I still remember what I told him.  I wanted to go for a long drive till I got to a place with a lake; park there and take in the sunset and calming surroundings.  After that I would probably take a dip because I love me some water and I always have a reason to swim.  That said, K said to me; “You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  I was like dude, are you mad?  How is that even possible you do know that I don’t have a car right?  He simply told me that he knew but that was all the more reason to start working towards buying my own car! Okay, that was a shocker but the shocker made me actually start looking at things differently.

You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  

I have a great example of how I made the first change.  I once joined a fitness group on Facebook that has been there for quite a while now.  I was excited to be part of a team that enjoyed fitness as much as I did but the downside was these guys only published posts for their regular members and so my runs and workouts were always pending.  I was gutted and told myself, self, you either have to suck it up and accept that this is how its done in this group or start your own group!  Of course I started my own group, are you mad, why subject myself to such misery?  It was the best decision that I ever made and it made me realise change can be just a click away!

We always have an excuse not to do something.  When you really look at it you are usually the one stopping yourself from achieving the majority of your goals.  Oh it’s too difficult, I don’t have what it takes, maybe if I had this, it’s because I went to this school, only people from certain backgrounds get to have that.  The excuses are plenty!  Listen; you only get to do this life thing once and you better make the most of it!  I used to be this person; always with a list of excuses but after the talk with D I grew up instantly.  If you don’t have a car then by all means take public transport to wherever you want to go, if you don’t have money to go to the gym then workout from home, if you are passionate about music but you are not part of a band then start your own band.  Stop waiting for a saviour and save yourself already.  Actually, you read this everyday on social media but you just won’t do anything about it but here I am trying to convince you.  Why am i even wasting my time?  As and when you are ready you will make that change.

I still don’t have a car by the way but I have set a target for myself and started working towards getting one.  My dream car is the Land Rover Discovery; she’s going to be my baby in this lifetime, one day is one day!  For now my first car will be a little fuel saver that takes me all over the country on a budget.  That way I will get to travel more and get to take a tonne of pictures, create memories and live my best life now.  I am still living my life like it’s golden by the way, pedestrian life and all but once I get my car it will be on level 47646727 so you guys should just watch this space!

Now let’s get talking, what is stopping you from living your best life now?  Do you want to die and not have lived as many happy moments as possible?  You know you can die today, right here and right now?  Would people say you were a bubbly soul who did everything in their power to spread happiness or you just lived each day unhappy and ready to stab yourself with a spoon out of sheer boredom?

 

©MaKupsy 2017

The Dating Game

 

Early morning phone call…

Him: Hello, how are you this lovely morning?

Her: I’m great honey how are you you today?

Him: I’m good babes. I was thinking, how about I pick you up around 10am and we do breakfast and catch up?  It has been a really long week and we haven’t spent time together.  We can decide what to do with the rest of the day after breakfast; make sure you wear that dress I like.

Her: That would be a lovely way to start the weekend.  Let me get some more shut eye so that I have enough energy for the rest of the day.  I’m excited already; I hope we are trying out that new place we saw the last time?

Him: Yes we are and make sure you don’t take forever to get ready I know you babes.

Her: I promise I will be early even though we both know that’ impossible.  Will see you soon honey.  Kisses

Him: Bye babes see you soon.

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Shingi & Tonde

Do these things still happen?  If yes, please show me the direction so that I can go as well!  I remember conversations like these when I was in my early 20’s.  I LOVED it, it was more real, more sentimental.  I blame the very first boyfriend I had.  That guy was probably from another planet because he really went all out.  There is no experience he did not take me through.  There was never a dull moment the time we dated, surprises were his middle name.  You know how women just love those.  When I look back I realise that he took his time to know what my interests were and coupled them with his so that we were both happy in the end.  Picnics, dinners, breakfasts, flowers, birthday trips, my first flying experience, road trips, learning how to drive…the list is endless and really making me nostalgic right about now.  If I am honest with myself after dating him the experiences with the people I dated just went downhill from there and everything became so obvious, he killed the magic guys, he killed it!

When my friends and I have our random chats about men we are always entertained!  We have concluded that there are two types of guys; the ones that will take you kunogocha (going for a braai) and buy you a lot of alcohol and hope you get drunk.  To think all that money could have been used for a more intimate sit-in date.

Then the other ones who will take you out for a proper date, make arrangements that actually involve things you also enjoy doing then pick you up and sometimes even buy you a dress for the date!  Yes, those guys are out there and they do exist; you just don’t find them in the yellow pages.  I am not saying “kunogocha” can’t be termed as a date but surely when you are still trying to get to know someone the options are plenty and that one should be the last one on your list.  Are you trying to impress someone or trying to never see them again?

I remember reading somewhere that when a man is into you; you will know it through his actions.  Can we safely conclude that those who don’t make an effort are really not into a woman?

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Another beautiful date idea; go for a photo shoot. 🙂

If you are trying to get attention from a woman by all means let your creative juices flow!  The early days can make or break your dating chances.  You want to be remembered as that guy who did the one thing that no other guy had done for her.  Let the other random not so exciting dates come after you have won her over.  At least you would have shown her that you are capable of keeping things exciting.  Being spontaneous really goes a long way.  I know you are reading this and thinking a relationship involves two people why is the man being the one to do all the work here?  Well, the answer is simple; the man is the hunter, us women are just out here waiting to be hunted.

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Shingi & Tonde

Thank you to Shingi and Tonde for the beautiful pictures.  They are my favourite Twitter couple and when I have free time I stalk them and just smile.  Love is a beautiful thing to watch and they do it so well.  I wish them nothing but love and happiness.

Let’s talk.  What are your thoughts on dating?  What have been your best and worst experiences so far?  Is your man calling you to make a date or it’s whatever happens that day happens.  Guys, how are you spicing up your dating game?

I hope your weekend was great!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

I Made My Woman Smile Today

I noticed that maybe just maybe I am being a little too hard on the men out there.  So this post is for the men and the positive things they do for the women in their lives.  It’s not really about going above and beyond but the simple things that make her smile.   As always the participants remain anonymous, only their ages will be disclosed.  Here is a list of the things they did today just to put that beautiful smile on their partners face.

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  • I gave her a surprise visit at her workplace with a bunch or roses. 23
  • I bought her jewelry. 22
  • I bought her a new phone Samsung Galaxy 4 just because she was being a good wife and mother to my children. 32 
  • I sent a voice note reciting a poem and she loved it. 22
  • I kissed my wife goodbye on the cheek before I left the house. 30
  • I sent a message saying “I love you”.  Believe me for most married people those are rare words. 41
  • I complimented her on her new hairstyle. 28
  • I took her to Nandos for lunch. 34
  • This morning I told her she is the most beautiful wife a man could ever have. 41
  • I finally put a photo of both of us on my Twitter Avi. 25
  • I gave her a necklace with her name on it. 26
  • I called her, all the way from South Africa to Harare for a good 10 minutes. 34
  • I remembered our first year anniversary and sent a gift to her office. 27

You see, sometimes all a woman needs is a random act to show her that she still has your heart.  I hope the other guys out there get to read this and will hopefully do something to brighten up their partner’s day.

Let me know what you decide to do for your leading lady today 🙂

MaKupsy