No Romance Without Finance!

You better get a J.O.B if you wanna be with me!  Dating has just gone to that next level if you ask me.  Gone are the days you used to enjoy leisurely walks, go for a picnic or enjoy ice-cream cones with your significant other.  These days it’s about how much money a man pursuing you can splurge on a date.  Goodbye creativity because as far as I have observed the most that will happen is a night out of drinking expensive alcohol and actually not getting to talk to and get to know the next person.  It leaves me asking myself, why are people dating?

unhappy-young-black-couple-back-to-back.jpg

Image from Google

There’s a world of reasons why people decide to date:

  1. Dating for companionship
  2. Dating for sex
  3. Dating for free food
  4. Dating to have someone take care of your financial needs
  5. Dating to find a life partner
  6. Dating out of loneliness

There are obviously more reasons why people date but those are the first few that crossed my mind.

One of my male Blogger friends said;

“A lot of Zimbabwean men are too eager to spend money on women.  Not even in the club when you’re trying to take her home for a one-nighter but when looking for an actual relationship men do the most!”

Some men date for fun and if that’s your cup of tea by all means let that money fall on the flavour of the night; after all you have nothing to lose even if it involves you selling your belongings or ending up neck deep in debt trying to impress a woman then go ahead. From what I hear and read everything men do is to get laid.  They work hard to get more money to buy fancy cars, phones, homes so that they can get laid!  It is after all to make an impression and get between her legs right?  You get laid, she gets a fancy night or two out everyone is happy, yes, no, maybe?

Most women love things, me included but it seems most of them are taking this loving things a bit too far.  Just the other day there was talk on Twitter about how Zimbabwean women want things that they can barely afford and expect whoever they are dating to provide it for them.  Example, demanding a date at Victoria 22 that time you can’t even afford to buy a single glass of wine if you tried to go there on your own.  Dear Zimbabwean men, there is nothing wrong with your woman wanting nice things but if you can’t afford it it’s perfectly okay to tell her that it won’t be happening anytime soon.  At the same time, ladies, if you can’t afford to go there yourself then maybe just maybe try and go somewhere else and come back when it’s something you can both afford?  Then again most people date someone who can upgrade them in all aspects and if you are dating someone who can’t upgrade you then maybe you need to reevaluate things?  Or maybe that’s just too drastic it is after all just a date!

Money makes the world go round but it’s the same money that will ruin a perfectly great relationship if you don’t address the issue in the right light from the get go.  I love beautiful things, I really do; but I want to enjoy well thought out dates that show creativity and have a personal touch to them that will leave me with a beautiful memory for years to come.

love and money.jpg

image from Pinterest

What are your thoughts; is dating about money?  Do you think your potential or current significant other should break their budget to impress you or there are other ways of winning your heart that don’t come in the form of spending?

Should we be going out of control on dates? Is it necessary? Desired? A turn off? Ladies do you like it? Men do you like it? Both when it’s done to you and if or when you have to do it?  So many questions and I would love to hear your answers.

We have an exciting blogging group on WhatsApp (Blog Indaba); its a meeting place for Bloggers who want to improve their blogging and if you would like to be a part of it no matter where in the world you are, please contact me so that you can join in the fun.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Advertisements

Sex On The First Date

First dates are designed to produce a number of relationship outcomes. (e.g. sexual partner, friendship, short-term romantic relationship, or life partnership.) – Wikipedia

I don’t know about you but I know that sex is a pretty enjoyable experience.  Without it the world would probably be one very boring place!  A lot of people are not comfortable talking about sex, which is very much okay because we are different but unfortunately for you I love to go on and on about it as and when.  Today I want to share my thoughts on having sex on the first date.  It comes with a lot of controversy of course but look, dating as described above is a process that yields different outcomes so having sex or not largely depends on the individuals involved.

fcee0d4e11dec0d084c50fdd072f06c9.jpg

Image From Pinterest

 

First things first, you have to decide if you want to establish why you want to date.  With that out of the way your first date won’t be too awkward.  Below are some of the reasons why you should totally have sex on the first date.

  • Life is short!  Do you have any idea how you can go for weeks, months or even years without getting laid and here you are trying to deprive your lady bits of such pleasures?
  • If the chemistry is there there’s really no need to hold out on him, be a go getter!  Let’s just dive straight into dessert, who has time for the main meal, right?
  • You are confident that this is what you really want and you won’t start regretting it afterwards.
  • The earlier you have sex the better to save yourself time.  You might choose to wait for months only to be disappointed that time you have already caught feelings and now you end up staying with that person for all the wrong reasons!
  • Whatever you do just make sure you get yourself a shattering orgasm and not leave yourself unsatisfied.  Do you have any idea how lovely those sex hormones feel, not forgetting the after sex glow, you will be smiling for days to come.

However, I do understand that a lot of people, women especially have some reservations when it comes to having sex on the first date.  These are some of the reasons why having sex on the first date might not be a very bright idea.

  • You probably don’t know enough about someone to let them into such an intimate part of your life.  Are you ready to deal with the demons that come with them?
  • Your partner might judge you for being too forward.
  • Say goodbye to your judgement.  Once you get some good dicking you can kiss thinking straight goodbye.  Most people get attached to someone once they have sex with them and if things happen to go wrong it will be difficult to let go.  Now you are stuck with a complete as*hole but the sex game is out of this world.  Good dick is NOT your friend!

I’ve read a couple of articles that encourage women to wait to have sex with their potential partner for 90 days. Apparently this will determine if someone will stay with you for the long haul.  Truth be told, some people had someone wait for a whole year and they still left!  After all is said and done someone will leave if they want to, whether you have sex with them on the first date or after 90 days.

There’s absolutely no formula to this whole sex on the first date thing.  It can work out for the good or the bad depending on the couple involved.  However, if you do decide to have sex whatever you do ALWAYS practice safe sex.  My thoughts still remain the same on the subject.  I’m too old to die from lust because a, b and c said you should do this.  I will do what I think is right for me because You Only Live Once!

You can check out some of the comments on the subject from one of my favourite Facebook Pages from here.  There is never a dull moment there and you should like and follow and never miss out on daily discussions.

What are your thoughts on sex on the first date or even better, care to share your experience on the subject?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

Day 28: It’s All Fun & Games Until You Start Staying Together!

‘Kuchaya Mapoto translation Cohabiting”

Dating can be a really fun experience.  From the dates, the gifts,the getting to know each other phase.  Your partner seems perfect, too perfect sometimes you start thinking they might be too good to be true.  In my opinion it’s like that because you don’t get to spend ALL your time with them.  I think the one time you truly get to find out who you are dating is when you start living together.  I once tried out cohabiting and the first few months were bliss.  Nothing can compare to waking up next to the person who makes your heart go pitter-patter.  Lovely as it may seem, there are a few issues that come with living together, let me list a few of them.  This was my experience…

love-hair-milkshake-purple-Favim.com-2047838.jpg

Sleeping Patterns

I sleep really early.  On a good day I am lights out anytime before 9:30pm.  When I go to sleep I want complete darkness in the room and no background noise.  That wasn’t the same for my partner.  He loved watching TV in bed and he used to wake up at ungodly hours to watch NFL games.  You can imagine how annoyed I got because that meant I would be wide awake and most times I had work the next day and that just made me very cranky come morning.  He was happy he got to watch the game, I was pissed off because I didn’t have enough sleep.  Drama, drama!

Bad Habits

We all have our little bad habits that are magnified once we start spending all our time with someone. Things like:

  • not putting the toilet seat back down when you finish using the loo.
  • not flushing after you finishing doing whatever business you choose to partake in in the loo.
  • farting in the presence of your partner. I know this one becomes inevitable after staying together for a long time BUT personally, it’s a no no.
  • not picking up after yourself.
  • not making the bed, in my world if you are the last one to leave the bed it’s your job to sure you make it, sounds fair to me.

Household Chores

This can be a real train smash if one of you is lazy.  You might end up feeling taken for granted because all the household chores will be on your list of things to do.  From experience I have concluded that everyone has something that they don’t mind doing housework wise and something they absolutely can’t stand!  For example, I don’t mind doing laundry, it’s the ironing part I can’t deal with.  I used to do all the laundry and once it was dry I would fold it and pack it away and iron as I go.  My partner found it absolutely ridiculous.  He believed once laundry was done it had to be ironed there and then. For the sake of peace and progress we split that chore and made sure I washed and he ironed, everyone is happy.  However, the other chores around the house were a real mission because he was lazy and I ended up doing everything else and resented him as each day passed by.

web-moving-9876044_m.jpg

Finances

I like saving for a rainy day.  I am that one person who probably has some money stashed away somewhere for emergencies.  I don’t believe in spending all my money and then worrying about how I am going to get to my next pay cheque.  My partner on the other hand loved blowing his money.  We would sit down, draw up a budget and agreed that come end of the month we would do a,b,c,d.  You don’t know what frustration is until you get home and find out that your partner has bought a $50 shirt that wasn’t a part of the budget and now you have to forgo important things that month.  It’s at that point that you realise that people clearly have different priorities.  Don’t get me wrong, getting yourself new things is all fine and dandy but when you have talked about things beforehand it would be important to communicate such decisions for the sake of peace and progress.

Sex

This blog would be incomplete without mentioning  sex.  Trust me when I tell you, the sex will be amazing.  Well, it was for me.  Sex at any time of day, no need to send a message asking “Sweetiepie how long are you going to take to get here?” when you are feeling hot and bothered because you have your partner with you.  You can explore, experiment and get enough the orgasms because there is no rush to go anywhere.  BUT there is obviously a big but in this; when things are not going well between a couple especially due to some of the issues I have mentioned above sex might not even happen.  Couples that are usually unhappy end up not having sex and just become room mates who happen to share a bed.  Thankfully we didn’t experience this because maybe we were just sex addicts (if sex saved relationships we would probably still be together) but for some I have heard that you can go a pretty long time without sex when your partner is mad at you.

Depression

This is an actual thing!  When you stay with someone chances of feeling depressed are actually very high especially when things are not going well between the two of you.  I remember we used to have cases where after a verbal fight he would walk out of the house and not come back.  Sometimes he would go for a whole weekend and I would be worried sick to my stomach not knowing if him walking away meant we had broken up, if he was alive, if he still wanted to talk to me…I had a million questions going through my head and him not picking up my calls or replying my messages made me all the more miserable.  I ended up feeling depressed and even after he came back and we talked things through in my heart I was never settled because I kept thinking one day he is going to walk away and never come back.  I had no hold on him, after all we were cohabiting and not legally married…

Couple-Holding-Hands-feature.jpg

To be honest, if you are thinking of cohabiting I say give it a try knowing that it might actually work out for you and if marriage is the end goal for both of you it might happen.  They say compromise is key right?  If you find that special someone you can gladly compromise then by all means don’t let my experience stop you.

Personally I won’t try it again, I have crossed out my bucket list in that department.  It was beautiful while it lasted but I love my space too much to have anyone else all up in it.  All that freedom to just be myself and do absolutely nothing all day in peace is priceless.  Then again I can’t exactly be alone for the rest of my life it would be nice to have someone to share all my highs and lows.  What would probably work would be staying in different apartments in the same building but we are still a couple(such wishful thinking!)or just getting married and buying a big house where you can always retreat to a different room when you are feeling upset and reconcile when you have cooled down…

My favourite ladies discussed the cohabiting topic sometime this year on the talk show, The Real and you should watch it and hear out their thoughts on the subject matter. 

After all is said and done, what matters the most is how you feel about each other and how far you are willing to go to make your relationship work.  Do what works for you and for the betterment of your living arrangement because at the end of the day what’s important is your happiness.  When you decide to stay with your partner get in it with open eyes and an open heart.

Today is Day 28 of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge we are supposed to state ONLY the advantages or disadvantages of cohabiting but did you see just how overzealous I got??!!

Have you been in a cohabiting scenario before.  How did it work for you?  Are you still together with your cohabiting partner?  Are there any tips you would want to share on how to make living together more manageable?  Are you pro or anti cohabiting?

©MaKupsy 2016

Day 13: I Will Marry When I Want

When are you getting married?

The next person who asks me when I am getting married is going to get stone cold silence from me.  I swear I get asked this question at least once a week and it annoys the heck out of me! What is wrong with people?  Can’t a woman just enjoy her life without always being asked about her marital status update?  You would think trying to explain why you are not married yet will stop people from asking but no, you’re wrong, they keep coming back to ask you the same damn thing every single time.  What about asking me how I am doing, how my dreams and aspirations are going, something, anything, just not about marriage.  You know what amuses me the most?  The fact that people think that husbands are found in supermarkets.  Like you just waltz into Pick n Pay, go through the “Husband shelf” and voila, you have yourself a husband!  Or maybe there’s a dial-a-husband application that I’m not aware of that delivers husbands to your doorstep?  It doesn’t work like that people, this sh*t is complicated.

3MTdnRQX (1).jpg

Shingi & Tonde

While we’re on the marriage subject I just want to say congratulations to my favourite couple above whose pictures I can’t help but use each time I write about all things lovey dovey.  They got married recently and I am absolutely happy for them and yes they are responsible for the beautiful images in today’s post.

Back to the subject at hand.  I for one have mixed feelings when it comes to marriage.  One moment I am super anti marriage telling myself I don’t need anyone I have been doing this life thing on my own for all these years why in the world would I need someone to come and turn my perfectly defined life upside down?  Then some days I’m thinking am I really going to die alone Oh My Goodness who will take care of me?  If I’m very honest with myself though I think marriage would be a great idea provided I meet the right candidate.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of men out there but how many of them are the right match for me?  Marriage is a lifetime decision and if I’m going to choose that path it is going to be with someone who will want the same thing.  I’m a mother and this whole let’s date for fun and see how it goes thing doesn’t cut it for me.  I have another human being to consider and if I choose to get married the person in question will play a very important role in my daughter’s life.  Which begs the question, how many men out there are willing to date and marry a woman who already has a child in tow?  Let me see, probably 5 in the whole wide world.  Let’s laugh together shall we?  Like I said it’s complicated!

To everyone who keeps asking me when I’m getting married please take a seat.  As and when the time is right it shall happen.  You won’t hear the end of it, you will deactivate your social media accounts, I will be telling you about “my husband” at every given opportunity and we will be inseparable it will make you sick to your stomach.  We will love each other fearlessly and spend the rest of our natural lives together because once we get married there is no turning back, we will be in it for life.  For now allow me to take my time and wait for my King to come and collect his Queen who is working on becoming a better person one day at a time.

I remember having a conversation about relationships with Shingi not so long ago.  She shared some tips on what has worked for her relationship in the past 3 years.  We were meant to write up a thread on Twitter but we never got time to do so.  Today is your lucky day because I have the tips right here with me;

1. Don’t just get into a relationship, know what you want out of a relationship.

2. Get to know him or her first. This is where long distance relationships are a plus. They allow you to know a person a bit before you meet. I’m not saying all long distance relationships work out but some have.

3. Friendship is important, that’s something that keeps things going in seasons when romantic feels face a storm.

4. Sharing the same belief is critical as it lays a foundation in your relationship.

5. Know how to SHOW him how you feel without saying it and he should also know how to SHOW you too. Emphasis on Love language!

6. Meaningful relationships are not secretive and should not be a secret. Meaningful relationships have witnesses and that is why people invite guests to witness their marriage.

7. A relationship that is long term will involve friends & family. Know this!

8. Believe in each other and learn to function as a team. Bonds grow stronger when you face challenges together.

9. Share a vision (exactly what you want, put it out there). This sets direction on how to build a life together. Cementing the foundation.

10. Talk to each other, it might sound funny but must couple can’t they talk over each other. Communication is key. 🔑🔑🔑

DJg8PHWWAAAmTRZ.jpg

Photo Credit: Shingi (@lana_chik)  Twitter

*Disclaimer* Each couple is responsible for their own relationship’s success and those tips might not work for everyone.

I have written about my thoughts on marriage in the past and some of the posts have been controversial as always.

I Will Marry For Money

I Have A Confession

Marriage Behind Closed Doors

What is that ONE question that people keep asking you that pisses you off?  Let’s talk about it in the comments section.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Marriage Is A Journey

Marriage is a journey.  I know this because I read it on the news feed of one of my favourite couples on Facebook.  I randomly stalk their page and each time I do so there is always something inspirational and heartwarming.  Today this is what I bumped into.

cee.jpg

Cynthia & Her Husband Sean

Marriage is like buying a second hand car. What attracted you to it was probably the shiny paint, the interior, the sound system etc, and it felt like a “new car” to you.
You then bought the car , entered into a relationship with it to start your own car journey experience. Your journey with the “new car” was an adventure as you began finding out things you never knew existed! 


You set off to go on your journey which is 1500 miles away, but it doesn’t bother you because you know the journey will be worth it! A third into your journey you hear a weird sound and you smell  something that wasn’t there before you can’t put your finger on it but you know something isn’t right!


You’re at a strange place with a now strange car and you’re faced with a dilemma!
1. Do you get the car checked out, fixed so you can continue on your journey? Or…..
2. Do you accept it as a loss, abort the journey forfeit your destination and find your way back to where you started? 


Marriage is a journey…


It’s an adventure, quite exciting and exhilarating at the beginning, but then the going will get tough at some point, you begin to see characteristics you never knew existed, you get disappointed, you feel let down, angry  feel like throwing in the towel.  You feel like it’s easier to just get a brand new car, but even those break down at some point too, so what will happen then??


You get to know your car  you get it fixed, you continue with the journey, it will be an experience, your own adventure, embrace it, focus on your destination!! It’ll be worth it.
Marriage is not for quitters, neither is it for the faint hearted!

10277765_10153208380138679_2151724691078159150_n.jpg

Cynthia is a Gym Addict and you can find her on Instagram where she always posts some mouth watering food and you can also find her on Facebook ,where she shares her fitness workouts.

Are you married?  If yes, what are some of the marriage nuggets you have to share?  Feel free to drop your thoughts in the comments section.

©MaKupsy 2017