Adele – Someone Like You

Love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this lifetime if it’s reciprocal.  However, if you are one of the unlucky few who got served a huge dose of unrequited love you will know exactly how much pain can come from it.

Thankfully over the years I have had the chance to reflect and take note of some of the mistakes I made in the past where love was concerned.  In the past I have paired myself up with people who actually did not love or care about me.  I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.  A slight sign of concern was automatically mistaken for love.  For me love had to make my heart go pitter patter, lose my senses, lose sleep and have me going through extremes of happiness and sadness.  That was clearly a lot to take in in the name of love.

I used to be a bitter woman, I was mad at the world.  Mad that I loved someone who did not see all the things I did in the name of love.  More than anything I was mad at myself for not seeing something was not good for me and simply walking away when I still had the chance to do so.

I am happy to say that what I view love to be has completely changed.  For me love will not leave me close to feeling a panic attack, love will complete me, love will give me a warm, calm and confident feeling towards my partner.  I don’t think I still get butterflies, maybe it’s an age thing; but I certainly feel that this is right when I am with the perfect match.

I no longer feel anything towards the man who once shattered my heart to irreparable little pieces; I am indifferent towards him.  You will be surprised to note that this very song used to bring me to tears each time I listened to it but now I listen to it and recall that it used to be his favourite song.  Through it all in as much as things didn’t work out between us we had our happy moments.  They didn’t last but for the season they were supposed to they brought a smile to my face.

It’s important to take a step back whenever you get the chance to and find out where you go wrong.  It’s easy to sit down and blame the world for things going wrong in your life when most times you are the very source of your own pain.  You can’t choose who you love though you can try very hard to make sure you love someone who at least feels the same way about you.

I have made it my personal mission to continue to grow myself in love.  How?  By doing things that bring me joy, filling my days with happy moments, understanding that not everyone will understand the intensity that comes with me and above all else to keep learning and unlearning habits that might hinder my progress.  Not everyone will understand what I am about but the right one will know that I am amazing just the way I am.

We live yes, but how many of us actually take time to learn?  

 

 

 

©MaKupsy 2017

The Other Woman

Love her or hate her, the other woman exists and chances are she will continue to exist till the end of time.  I’m not saying your boyfriend or husband has her; not all men are cut out for that.  However, if you are one of the unfortunate few he has one and it is highly likely that she is not going anywhere anytime soon.

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Image from Google

I was the other woman, once upon a time…how did I end up there?  A case of a long distance relationship gone wrong and after that I told myself I was not going to do relationships until further notice so a situationship was more ideal for me then.  Couple that with insecurities from a failed relationship and not realising my worth, I easily settled for being the other woman in a heartbeat.  I used to enjoy the thrill of the secret relationship, the attention was priceless because he would try to compensate for the time he was not able to be with me.

This is a phase in my life I look back to and ask myself what the heck was I thinking? But you know what they say, everything that happens to you is a learning curve.  Thankfully that phase only lasted a short while and was over before it even started because I clearly could not stand being an option in his life.  Believe me when I tell you that kind of emotional stress is not good for anyone, at all!   Ask me if I will ever travel down that road again?  The answer is a definite NO!  It was a phase I am not proud of to date.

That is one of my favourite tracks by Changing Faces – The Other Woman and they are mainly singing about why they are no longer willing to share a man because they have finally realised what they deserve. (love is not so blind after all) However, not all women share the same sentiments because below are a few who are currently the other woman and not complaining about it.

“I enjoy the financial benefits that come with being the other woman, I have never worked a day in my life and “my husband” provides me and our children with everything we need.” Small House

“Sex with someone who isn’t my boyfriend every once in a while is a thrilling experience, you know what they say about variety being the spice of life.” The SexAHolic

“There is a sense of adventure, things done in secret give me an adrenaline rush and I got hooked to it I simply can’t stop.” The Side Chic

“I don’t have to worry about attending funerals, washing his clothes, cooking for him, I get to see him at his best and get to spend quality time with him.” The Cougar

“I get my rent paid, my child taken care of, endless outings, someone to sponsor my drinking habit and never having to worry about how I am going to put food on the table, that’s his job!” The Alcoholic

“Since we don’t see each other often when I do see him there is no time for fighting, I always look forward to seeing him.” Miss No Pressure

“I have been lied to and deceived one too many times, it is better to be with a married guy who won’t make empty promises to me.” Miss Content

“I have my own money, I can take care of myself but I don’t have the time for a full on relationship.  I only see him as and when I am free because I have a busy schedule so being the other woman works for me.” Miss Independent 

Relationships are complicated if you let them be, but from my experience being the other woman never ends well.  It seems for the women above it is working to their advantage and they are happy.  I say, life is too short so one must do whatever makes them happy as long as it gives them sleep at night.

What’s your take on the “other woman”?  I am happy to read on both negative and possibly positive things you have to say about her in the comments section below.

©MaKupsy 2017

Desperate Housewives

When everyone was all excited about the television series Desperate Housewives I joined in but only got to watch the first two seasons because I never really had time to sit down and watch it.  A few weeks ago my friend brought me back to the series and gave me the whole 8 seasons of it and I have been hooked ever since.  I am currently watching Season 6 and the first episode left me feeling a lot of different things.  Here’s the thing.

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Image from Google

If you go back to season 5 Mike had moved in with Catherine and they seemed happy.  Well, Catherine mostly did because she hadn’t been in a relationship in a while and was happy to finally have someone in her life.  Mike seemed distant and still in love with his ex wife Susan. (But apparently they had both “moved on”) Catherine obviously didn’t see that Mike wasn’t head over heels for her because she was in a love bubble of her own.  I think it was brave of Catherine to ask Mike if he was ever going to marry her because Mike told her the truth that he didn’t know.  And you know that for most women we choose to not pay attention to what a man says.  He actually told her the truth but we always find a way of hoping somehow he will change his mind because we are just programmed like that I guess.  The other issue I have with Mike is that he will go above and beyond for Susan just to make her happy but clearly won’t do much for Catherine.  I can safely say Catherine gets half baked love from Mike but Susan on the other hand…There are real life cases where you date a guy and he treats you like crap but then dates the next woman and treats her like a queen and you wonder what the fuck is that all about?  So then;the series continues and a whole lot of things happen but this is the part that really got to me when I watched episode one of season 6.

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Mike just went on to marry Susan and left Catherine out in the cold.  Okay fine, maybe Catherine made a not so wise decision by hooking up with someone she knew still had unresolved issues but give her a break, you can’t exactly choose who you fall in love with, or can you?  Why does Susan always get what she wants though?  That again is not fair!  I was really sad on Catherine’s behalf.  How do women end up in situations like this though?  How do we just feel the need to fall for the emotionally unavailable guy?  Do we not see the signs?  And as for Mike, how do you just drop Catherine like a hot potato and get back to your ex wife (Susand) and forget about all the promises you made to Catherine?  Didn’t she at least mean something to you?  Does this mean she doesn’t have feelings too or she should just get over it and move on.  Mind you she stays right across the street and will get to witness everything the pair gets up to.  Man, the world is a cold ass place…

I should clearly stop over analysing things, it’s just a series!!

©MaKupsy 2017

Throw Back Thursday : #TeamFitness

They say there is strength in numbers, and thanks to this group we have on Whatsapp that saying has only proven to stay true. We share all sorts of health and exercise information and encourage each other along the way. I am NOT a Whatsapp Group fan but this one is just what I needed. The ladies here all have lives to live so there is no bombarding of endless meaningless messages on the group. .There is 7 ladies in this group, all with different strategies but all with one agenda “To keep fit.” Hence the group name #TeamFitness.  Below is a bio for every member of the group.

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Name – Felly

Age – 23

Height – 5 foot 7 inches/173cm

Weight: starting weight 95kgs/211lbs/15 stone, 1lb

Goal weight: 68kgs/150lbs/10 stone, 10lbs

Current weight: – restarting my journey so if you ask me this information at the end of the month, I’ll have something more accurate.

My exercise regime is 85% cardio and 15% strength training. I run a 5K on the treadmill in approx 35 minutes, row for 10 minutes and do the cross trainer/elliptical for 20-30 minutes depending on how tired I am. I just started attending a spin class that’s 45 minutes long but trying only for x3 times in a week!

My strength routine is fairly new but is very light lifting and weighted squats. I’m hoping to improve this once I’ve lost 5kgs as I’ll be lighter and my endurance better. I’m aiming to train for 4-5 times in a week with rest days on Saturday and Tuesday. I’ll walk 5 miles/8km around my neighbourhood on days I do not attend the gym..

My diet is going to be strictly vegan for one week then clean after that. I intend to treat myself x1 per month and on that day, anything and everything in my path will be eaten lol! I’m going cold turkey on all soda and fizzy and all I’ll be drinking is water, tea, 100% fruit juice and squash. My goal is to lose 5kgs/14lbs/1 stone every month.

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Name – Zvie

Age – 29

Height – 162cm

Current Weight – 80kgs

Goal Weight – 75kgs

My workout regime is mostly composed of jogging.  I jog mornings and evenings. I jog for 20 minutes in the mornings where I run 2.5km in 20 minutes.  I recently added running up and down a hill for close to 10 minutes so that totals my time to 30 minutes once im done with the jog.  In the evenings I run 5km for about 40 minutes.

On days I do not jog I do 1 hour of Aerobics, or 30 minutes of Zumba or 45 minutes of Yoga.

I have a cheat day where I eat foods I will be craving but in moderation, then I have rest day(originally meant to be a day I chill out on the exercising front), but ends up as a day which I hardly ever utilise because most times I will be catching up on laundry and house chores. Whoever said you only rest when you are dead knew what they were talking about!

My eating habits are currently working out just fine, I now think before I eat because jogging is a constant reminder of how hard it is to burn the food I eat.  I drink water effortlessly, I go through 3 litres on a good day.  Every other week I am challenging myself to do something different, like try an all fruit day, or cut out carbs in the evenings, eat more fruits and vegetables and so far it is going great. My goal weight is to be 75kgs come April 2015, it is my birthday month so I plan to celebrate it in style.

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Name – Tendy

Age – 30

Weight  – 79kgs

Height – 165cm

Goal weight -70 kgs by January 22, 2015

Diet: Daniels fast Mon – Friday

Morning Jog 1.5kms – gym for an hour in the evening. Drinking a litre per day of water.

Jog 10km on Sundays and exercise for two hours in the gym.

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Name – Yami

Age – 27

Height – Not sure! 162cm maybe?

Weight – 57kgs

Goal weight –  Maintain current. I’m all about trying to tone up and

define muscles (lower body)

Exercise regime. My ideal exercise plan includes running, yoga, indoor cardio, dance and kickboxing. Lately I’ve been slacking but I’m incorporating yoga into everyday and kickboxing three times a week. I like anything I can do to music. I am still psyching myself to getting back into running.

My goal is to keep healthy. A common misconception about people who aren’t overweight is that we don’t have to exercise. I do it to keep my heart strong, legs fit and stomach flat. My stomach has never been a problem but I want to keep it that way.

My diet is low in carbs, high in protein. I love vegetables to – I could literally eat salad every day. I don’t like water but I drink a lot of juice and when I have to drink water, I try to flavour it. Typical breakfast is either cornflakes with fruit or an omelette. Lunch and supper vary but there’s always a vegetable in there, whether it’s on rye bread, in salad or with some form of meat. I snack on fruit, popcorn, yoghurt. I like cheese too.

I am lucky that I don’t gain weight too easily so I cheat a lot with candy but I limit myself pretty well. Two or three candy bars a month and a packet of fruit chews. Sparkling flavoured water is a weakness.

When I’m not exercising, I’m a life coach and soft skills training facilitator. I work with a youth group called Soul’d Out too. Love to read, sing, cook, laugh… And my personal motto is “More Heart”, we all need to put more energy and passion into life. That means greater commitment, focus, excellence and more love.

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Name – Kay

Age – 25

Height – 158cm

Current Weight – 86kgs

Goal Weight – 70kgs

Jogging and gym  – Currently 1.5kms each morning, adding it to make 3kms, then gym for 1.30 mins, squats, treadmill 3 kms, sit ups, weights.

Sunday to Friday routine- Sabbath I rest. Totally! Sunday I try and jog twice as much, 5kms that is, esp when the weather is tempting

I need to be really honest with myself in terms of what I eat, I start the day so well. Cereal, fruit, a sandwich for lunch but supper I get home and i have a heavy meal, I do portion control though but, I snack on biscuits at times, I have no discipline at all.

I need to increase thee exercise routine and stay on course with my diet, I also need to drink more water. Frequenting the loo goes against my very being. I have no problem drinking it, It is the downside I do not like.

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Name – Pacey Pee

Age – 26

Height – 157cm

Current weight – 66kg

Target weight 62 kg

I jog in the mornings (I mean I try to) and I go for aerobics class every Sunday morning. I make sure all my workouts are for 30+ minutes so that my belly fat can be tormented. YES #belly!!!! that’s my major concern. I hate vegetables, I don’t understand fruits. Water is tasteless. LOL I like to complain about these things even though I know they bring out a nice bikini body! So time to toughen up and get flab burning!

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Name : Miss Kay

Age: 26

Weight : 62kgs

Height : 162cm

Target Weight : 55kg

Its more of a getting toned than weight loss plan so don’t read into the target weight thing too much.

Fitness Goals : To run the 2015 Vic Falls Marathon

Routine : cardio, fartlek, gym, p90x

I wake up at 5:15 every morning for my run because I can’t stand this heat and that’s just the best way to start off a great day. I do a 20min jog at a fast pace approx just over 4km. Fully recovery then I do some fartleks which are just walk, jog, sprint intervals (example –>walk 50m, jog 100m, sprint 100m  Do this 6-10 times).

On other days I will just do gym and some p90x. I attribute my almost perfectly flat belly to my p90x DVD collection

My Playlist :  Anything by Rihanna. funk rock/ house/ dancehall music — the less lyrics the better, i just want a bouncy beat and rhythm

Weakness  : Chocolates, pizza, icecream  These weaknesses for me need Jesus himself because I don’t know what kind of will power is required here

About me : When I’m not exercising I’m farming (tobacco, pigs, mushrooms) and during the school first term season I coach athletics

Build Your Man Up They Say

I see this topic almost everyday on my Twitter Timeline.  For a minute there I tried not to share my 2 cents on the topic but the opinionated me just couldn’t let this one slide anymore. I have mixed feelings on the topic so you can be the judge of where I exactly stand at the end of this piece.  Just thinking about building is exhausting now just imagine building a whole entire human being!   I like to use examples, I have been through the most when it comes to relationships(thanks to bad decision making) I always have a point of reference.

Exhibit 1  

I once wrote about this guy some years ago, he is ex number four.  I worked on this guy like a real actual project!  I did a complete makeover.  Changed how he dressed, showed him how I liked to be treated; insert coffee dates, dinners, random lunches, flowers, gifts, even made sure I had bills covered because I understood that he was going through a rough patch so being the loving girlfriend that I was I made sure all was well. Lesson number 1, DO NOT go around taking care of these grown ass men please because guess what, we broke up anyway and he moved on and started making sure he was paying the bills and making sure his new girlfriend was well taken care of.  Guys!!  This is not even a laughing matter but I am laughing anyways.  Like what the fuck was wrong with me?  Why was I housing a grown ass man and giving him free lessons on how to be a great guy only for him to leave and be Prince Charming to the next woman?  Allow me to laugh at myself some more.  This thing we call love can really play with our senses.

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Exhibit 2

I don’t think we can call this one an exhibit but seeing that I already have a heading with that let’s just play along.  I remember the stories most of our parents used to tell us when we were growing up.  About how they started of with nothing but ended up with beautiful families, cars and houses.  I admire them very much, I really do; but I think times have changed for us.  Back then it was okay to start off from the bottom but now both men and women want a “finished product” so to speak.  How many are willing to start from scratch with someone who has zero vision?  Definitely not me!  These days it’s not just the men who have a checklist, even women now want a man with certain things and are not willing to back down on them.  Things like he has to at least have his own place, he should drive, not have a bunch of baby mamas, must be well traveled…the list is endless really depending on the individual.  I for one will tell you that a man who can not cook risks chances of not dating me because let’s be honest, there is nothing as sexy as a man who can whip up a fire meal!

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Image from Google

Exhibit 3

This is not to say that some people who have actually built their man up did not live happily ever after, they actually did and it’s beautiful to hear about these stories.  I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend when we were 18 and over a decade later they are still together, they even got married!  They used to have some major differences but because they loved each other and they had a mutual end goal things worked out well for them and now they are happily married.

My thoughts in a nutshell?  I think that love is a gamble.  You can win or lose when it comes to relationships.  You can do everything in your power to make sure things work out but sometimes your best isn’t good enough and someone will leave.  I have also come to the realisation that no one sings the song of “Build Your Woman Up”!!   My advice, if you have put in the work and the next person decides they want to leave.  Refuse to be dumped.  Like seriously, after investing your time, efforts and mind banging sex someone tells you it’s over.  Say no, it’s not happening, we are in this till the end.  Show up at their doorstep with breakfast the next day like everything is normal.  LOL, okay, that’s not very great advice and please don’t follow it. Take heart; building someone up might be the best or worst thing that might ever happen to you.  It really is about the two of you in the end.

What are your thoughts on the topic?  Have you been in a situation where you gave it your all but it crumbled before your very own eyes.  Let’s talk.

©MaKupsy 2017

Expectations of the Zimbabwean Woman

Sometimes I feel our culture expects too much from a woman.  We are taught to accept certain things as “normal” and not question them.  Take infidelity for example.  The moment a wife finds out her husband is cheating or has a small house trying to confide in his or her relatives can prove to be fruitless because most times she is told that’s what men do.  Today I will touch on relationships in our society.

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Image from Google

 

There are so many different cases of unimaginable things happening around Zimbabwe lately.  One of the articles that I read recently shocked the lights out of me. A woman killed her husband over a text message.  If you read the story at first glance you just tell yourself this woman be crazy!  But when you really think about it; it was probably not about the messages.  I would like to think there is a story behind this story; you just don’t wake up and decide today I am going to kill my husband for no reason.  Chances are her spirit had been broken beyond repair because of issues that hadn’t been dealt with within the marriage and a whole lot of bullshit she had to endure as a woman.  Remember I told you that our culture just tells you to accept things that a man does and go with the flow; now see where that kind of thinking leads to?  A man will cheat, he will beat up his partner, he will have a love child and even bring the child to his matrimonial home, he will leave his family for another woman and what is the woman told?? SHINGA NDOZVAVANOITA VARUME!! (be strong that’s what men do).

I asked a few people whose names will obviously remain anonymous why they chose to stay in abusive relationships even though they could see they were in an unhealthy relationship.

  • They were promised heaven on earth
  • They had low self esteem
  • They enjoyed the attention they got from their partner even though it was the wrong kind of attention
  • They thought he will change and become a better person
  • He promised he would never do it again
  • They stayed because that’s what they knew and were used to
  • Their partner threatened to commit suicide if they decided to leave
  • They stayed because of the children involved in the union
  • They stayed because they worried about what people would think
  • They stayed because they did not want to be alone

I have been in a toxic relationship before and trust me at the time chances are you don’t see that this person is actually abusing you especially if it’s emotional abuse.  Do not even ask me about the process of reporting to the police after an abusive incident, what a joke!  I ended up feeling like I was the one who committed the crime.  Then I tried to go to Musasa Project to try and get some counselling but the queues were long and I waited for half a day on both occasions I tried to go there until I just gave up.  I ended up dealing with the abuse on my own because clearly there was nowhere else to turn to…

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Image from Google

Okay, back to the story at hand.   It’s only after you leave that you realise things could have gone pretty bad if you had decided to soldier on.  I learnt my lesson though, I know that the moment I see any signs of abuse I will walk out and fast I won’t even second guess my decision.  I remember the night my then boyfriend beat the life out of me like it happened yesterday…I stay at a flat with 30 units and even though I screamed and cried for help not a single person came to my rescue.  Do you see another worrisome thing in our society?  Our society does not want people interfering in things that don’t concern them so someone will probably get beaten to death and the neighbours wont say a word or intervene because “it’s none of their business.”

The people who contributed to this post also had a few lessons to share.

  1. He taught me that staying with an abuser is just letting them know it’s okay to get angry and lash out with physical violence they won’t stop.  Your best bet is to leave before something worse happens.
  2. The moment three or four people highlight that your partner is abusive take a step back and look at your relationship from their point of view.  Sometimes outsiders see what you are going through with clear eyes.
  3. People must at least try to intervene when they see a problem.
  4. “Being strong” is not the answer to every problem, people need to sit down and talk about their issues and concerns.

A few weeks ago I noticed that Njabulo wrote a status on Facebook asking why women do not leave abusive relationships.  You can read more from here.

After all is said and done all I can say is we are all human beings and we should always consider how our actions will affect the next person.  Do not go around doing things that will hurt the next person just because you know society will allow you to get away with it.

Have a heart!

©MaKupsy 2017

Judge Not!

I got this message from my friend Tillo a few weeks ago and I thought I would share it here.  I don’t know who wrote this but I think this might help a lot of us to think before we start judging those around us.

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Image from Google

Let’s bear in mind before we judge…

Not everyone wants to get married

Not everyone wants to have children

Some people cannot have children

Some people are not married because of circumstances

Some peoples are religious some are not

We need to accept that it is okay and that

doesn’t make them less human  

We are all different with  different views, goals and aspirations

stick to what’s yours and stop trying to understand why X and O does not do such

You don’t know what heavy burden one is carrying.

©MaKupsy 2016

Diary Of A Woman Who Learnt To Love Herself More

I created a WhatsApp group that I named #RunWithFitnessBae In this group we talk about different issues that are health and fitness related.  The other day we spoke about body shaming and one of the participants in the group shared her story which I feel a lot of people will relate to.  Have a read and share with anyone you think might benefit from this inspirational story.

Not so many years ago I weighed a whopping 120kgs and I wore size 44-46.  To be honest I was comfortable with my weight. My closest relatives actually commented at how “healthy” and “well kept” I was and I actually thought being that fat was a sign to the world I was fine and dandy.  I would eat any and everything and I would sit on the couch and eat a whole chocolate slab, packet of crisps and gulp down and entire bottle of red wine while I watched TV or read a book.  Exercise was something I would watch on TV and something I never got actively involved in.  I knew the benefits of exercise but remember me being fat was a sign of “wealth” so I was ok right? WRONG!

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Real women have nothing to do with size. Real women have RESPECT for one another. -Abbyclaire Herman

I got a rude awakening from my unhealthy eating ways when I found out that the man of my dreams had gone on to marry someone else on the exact same day he was meant to pay lobola for me.  I found out he had been dating my “skinny” friend and it had been happening for a while and I had never suspected it, the betrayal and the heartache were beyond comprehension!!  This whole time I was being a couch potato the man of my dreams was making other plans that didn’t involve me, life changing plans for that matter!  I decided to seek advice from the people who knew us and the people who were close to us and I was shocked and disgusted by the responses I got. Let me tell you the five top responses that made me hate my body and feel disgusted by who I was and who I had become;

  1. Aigodii nekufuta kwawakaita?” (What was he supposed to do with the way you are so fat?)
  2. “Honey, the way you are looking like a 40 year old and yet you are only 25years old is unbecoming”
  3. “I am so sorry but what did you expect look at your friend she is skinny, beautiful and fit and she is light skinned.”
  4. “I am so sorry about what you are going through but I think you are to blame I mean you are fatter than his own mother, he went to what was attractive.”
  5. “You need to lose weight. If you were skinny like his now wife I am sure he wouldn’t have strayed but her body compared to yours there was no chance you would keep him, hauna kana shape.  (You are shapeless)
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at 120kgs

Those were the harshest and most cruel things anyone had ever told me and what made it worse was the realization that in their heart of hearts all these people had thought this but never said anything about it.  I probably would have taken offence if they had but real friends would have said something about my sky rocketing weight.  Those words coupled with heartbreak drove to a state of self-disgust and I hated my body and food.  I blamed those two things for letting me not see that my man was losing interest in me and making plans to be with someone else.

I wished I could exchange bodies it seemed all the women I saw were slimmer and prettier.  Suicidal thoughtsyes I got them because to me there was nothing worse that the world seeing you as fat and ugly.  Couple that with everyone knowing that the man thought was for keeps had left you for a “slimmer” and “prettier” woman.  Thankfully, I couldn’t get myself to follow through my suicidal thoughts because I had two little angels who looked up to me and I couldn’t imagine leaving them.  Instead I decided to diet and lose weight but when I started my weight loss journey my reason was to win my man back, I wanted to be pretty for him and I thought he would love me again if I was “slim and pretty like her” and we would get back together and get married and our fairy tale life would continue as we had both imagined it.

And so my weight-loss journey began.  I gave myself a couple of weight loss rules that I was certain would work.

  • Eat as little I you can
  • Exercise for 8 hours a day
  • I have to match “her” weight or maybe lose a few more kilograms then I will be “pretty”
  • I will have to do all this within 90 days

I would eat practically nothing the whole day.  On an average day I would have 2 slices of brown bread and a lot of water the WHOLE DAY.  I would go to the gym from 5am to 9am and again from 5pm to 9pm and I would push myself harder and further each day till I go to a point where all I would eat in a day would be chewing gum when I felt hungry and water.

The weight dropped.  Within 3 months I had lost close to 70 kilograms but unfortunately I had also developed ulcers, acid re-flux and insomnia to name but a few.  My skin changed colour and even my hair grew thin and just when I thought people would compliment me they started saying I was sick and maybe I had HIV.  I clearly was not doing something right because even after all these efforts my man has still not come back to me.  I decided to lose more weight pushed myself to lose more. I think I had gotten to point of being anorexic because eating any food was no longer a part of my life.

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at 50kgs

An angle of mercy came to my rescue.  She had seen my transformation and had heard me break down in my room so many times so she sat me down and offered a few pointers.  I remember her advice like she told it to me just yesterday.

No matter how much weight I lost I would never feel beautiful unless I was beautiful to myself first.  Beauty comes from within and with me and then radiates on the outside for everyone to see.  Beauty did not have to be physical alone but both inside and out.

This got me thinking…

Yes I loved my ex boyfriend but for the right love to find me I had to love me first before anyone else could love me.  I had to be my first love and just because we did not work out it does not mean there isn’t a prince waiting for me out there.

 Weight loss and health work hand in hand. I had to take care of my body for it to take care of me. I had to lose weight in a healthy manner so as to avoid skin and stomach issues that I had developed as well as to curb the insomnia (the insomnia had got so bad I couldn’t concentrate at work and I got fired).

Being healthy and being mentally stable work hand in hand, if I am mentally stable I am able to deal with issues that come my way better.

My world and my actions should not be swayed or centered around what people will say about me or about my circumstances but it should be centered about what I feel is right and what I know I should do.

I had to find a way of dealing with my pains, ups and down besides turning to food or to the gym and I chose to keep a journal. That way I could separate issues and still eat healthy and love myself.

After the talk it took me a while to start eating again and to go to the gym.  I now work exercise for a maximum of 2 hours a day and I feed myself with positive affirmations each day.  I got over my ex boyfriend and I moved on. I became my first love and I taught myself to be able to separate issues and deal with them in a healthy and progressive manner. Today I weigh 89kgs (I am definitely not going back to tripledigits on the scale) I am exercising, I have a new job and I LOVE MY BODY SOOOO MUCH. I want to lose weight for me because I want to be healthy and I am doing it in a healthy way this time around.

My new rules of losing weight now are;

  1. Eat a maximum of 5 small meals a day
  2. Watch my portions
  3. Incorporate more vegetables in my meals and less carbs
  4. WATER, WATER and MORE WATER
  5. Run, skip and go to the gym
  6. Prayer and meditation for my soul
  7. Join group of other people that are in the same weightless journey as me for motivation(#RunWithFitnessBae)
  8. When I am not okay I write it down in my journal
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at 89kgs

 

You gain weight gradually and you will certainly lose it gradually.  Weight loss is a journey and not an event.  It takes hard work, determination and perseverance!

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

My ONE and only…

“To have a happy kid, I figure I need to be a happy mother, and to be a happy mother, I need to be a happy person.” Lauren Sandler

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Miss Kupsy at 3 months 🙂

I have really thought this through, and I am happy to only have one child, Miss Kupsy.  Most people will say it is selfish of me to make such a decision but that’s what I want.  (To them I say feel free to make more babies for yourself, whatever makes you happy works for me) Everyone around me is always telling me that she needs a sibling but to be honest, I feel that she will do just fine on her own, she is an independent little diva.  Growing up I remember I used to say to myself, “If I ever have children I will have two, one or none.”  And here I am with one and that will not be changing anytime soon.  A lot of realities have sunk in after having Miss Kupsy and it is probably for the best that I found out sooner rather than later.  Maybe sometime in the years to come I will change my mind but as it stands I stand firm on the decision on not going through child bearing again in an attempt to give Miss Kupsy a sibling.  Here are my reasons why I have no plans of going through this again:

  • Worrying to death, when you become a mother worrying becomes second nature, well, at least for me.  I worry if I am being a good mother, if I am not spoiling her too much, if she is okay at preschool, if she is going to get better when she gets sick, if I will be able to take her to the good grade school I heard about, worry about what will happen to her if anything ever happened to me.
  • Labour is NO JOKE.
  • I can’t afford to have another child, the amount of MONEY that comes with a child is nothing I even want to start all over again, the diapers, the formula, tjo!
  • I will not be able to give two children everything they need so let’s just stick to one and give her the best of everything.
  • I don’t want to go through severe morning sickness for 3 solid months.
  • It will ruin the body I have been working so damn hard for!
  • The sleepless nights…no one prepares you for that…
  • Breast feeding; my breasts were always engorged.  I will spare you the inside details about when they started cracking and eventually bleeding.
  • Finally, I do not have the energy to start all over again, it works on all aspects of your being, mind, body and soul and frankly speaking I just have enough energy to cater for one child.

That said, I will add on more reasons why I prefer having an only child to my list when more come up.  As it is I am beyond happy and at peace with only having to take care of Miss Kupsy, I doubt if I would ever cope if I had to cater for two children.  It already feels like she is out there running around with my heart, imagine having two of them.  Will I be able to love them the exact same way?  Will my heart be able to handle being divided between two children?  I will probably never know hey because it’s one child only for this mother.

I would like to hear your views on being an only child if you are one, or if you are a mother who also plans on having one child.

©MaKupsy 2016

Is Your Ex A Monster?

Once upon a time I wrote a letter to my Ex Boyfriends, you can read the blog post here.  I felt that I needed to do that to get some form of closure for myself.  Once I did that I felt a whole lot better.  I remember most women on the Twitter Time Line started writing to their ex boyfriends as well after reading my post and boy did I read some interesting posts or what!

This morning however, I got myself thinking about one thing I never actually asked myself when I broke up with someone.  Was my ex really the monster that I made him out to be or I also played a part in the break up?  It’s not easy to admit that sometimes you are also to blame.  There is no way you can always be the one who was wronged, sometimes you also do wrong to the next person.  Let’s get right into it…

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I have had so many talks with my girlfriends after they broke up with the “love of their life”.  We have gone all out in calling them names and reminding each other how much of a good for nothing man the guy being hurled insults at really was.  When your friend is hurting that isn’t the right time to remind her of what she could have done differently or what she continuously did that probably contributed to the break up.

YES some exes really are monsters.  There is a saying in Shona that goes; “Rinonyenga rinohwarara rinosimudza musoro rawana” It translates to something like “A person will climb the highest mountain to try and win your heart and once they know they have it they will show their true colours”.  This saying is usually used on men because they specialise in “selling dreams”.  One too many women have fallen in love with a mans “pretend version” not knowing that drastic changes await her in the not so distant future…What are these changes you ask?  Some stop calling as often as they used to, the good morning messages become a thing of the past, he doesn’t spend time with his woman anymore, the flowers that used to be delivered each month are nowhere to be found even going out for an ice cream date becomes something she reads about it magazines.   I want to know from the men, what brings about this kind of change?  Can we safely conclude that the Shona saying holds water or it’s something the woman says or does that makes you stop making an effort.

People lie, men and women alike but when you hear some of the stories women tell you, you have to admit that men take the cup any day! I remember a time my cousin was madly in love with her boyfriend.  He stayed in Bulawayo and she was in Harare.  Those days we still had landlines and we always used to rush to the phone each time it rang because we always used to think the call was either hers or mine.  Fun times!  It happened that after she had been dating this guy and even going to visit him on a few occasions she received a phone call from an unknown woman telling her to leave her boyfriend alone.  This came as a surprise because after she had been introduced to family and friends we naively thought she was the one.  We were wrong, the girl kept calling and we kept calling him trying to find out what was really going on.  Eventually her boyfriend got in touch and told her to leave him alone because he had got some girl pregnant and he was going to do right by her and marry her.  I have NEVER seen my cousin that way.  She is a strong individual.  She broke down on the phone and cried, she cried for so long I held her and didn’t know what to say to her.  She was never the same, she did not eat, she would not sleep.  She was heartbroken.  She lost so much weight I was starting to worry that she might take her own life from depression.  We were only around age 21 then and this was something I had never encountered.  It took her a very long time to get over him but time always finds a way to heal us.  Just last year, the very same guy called her and said he had made a mistake and wanted to do right by her.  I don’t know what that guy is on but he has some balls!  My cousin would hear non of it and I was happy she let that ship sail. In this case, I would like to believe the only thing my cousin did wrong was to give her heart to someone who clearly did not deserve to have it!

On the other hand, exes are really not monsters.  We see the signs, we really do, but we close one eye and pretend we don’t see them.  Let me give you a very good example of what happened to me.  I met a guy who I knew was the real enemy of progress.  Back then I had a routine.  Leave work, get home, hit the gym, come back home, bath, watch a series and sleep.  On weekends I would hit the gym first thing in the morning then make my way home to bath and watch Gossip Girl while sipping on my drink all day long.  It was the perfect setup.  I had no boyfriend to worry about and I had very few friends.  Then this guy showed up, started asking me to go for coffee, for lunch, for dinner and I would say it’s fine and never showed up.  Who was he to change my routine?  You know guys though, once they want something they will go in and go hard!

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Image from Google

As the story goes, we eventually started spending time together and my gym membership went down the drain.  He was a lot of fun BUT he had one three many women in his life.  We were good friends and I would ask him about these other women and he would tell me they were having problems and he was going to drop them.  In came “Miss Fix It”.  I told myself it was going to be my mission to be the leading lady in his life come rain or shine.  What a joke!  Why did I even do that to myself.  Like hello, this guy had some serious commitment issues and there I was trying to put him in the straight and narrow.  BIGGEST JOKE EVER!  Then I decided if you can’t beat them join them and also started seeing other people just to get to him.  It was a mess.  Obviously it didn’t end well and yes I called him all sorts of names after things went sour.  It’s really funny how we get ourselves into situations we already know will hurt us.  He didn’t change at all, I still had stress when he didn’t pick up his calls and it was my very own doing.

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The Awesome Ex

Then there are some amazing Ex Boyfriends.  The one in the picture isn’t a monster anymore.  LOL.  I think the reason why even after all the drama we put each other through we remained in each others lives is because we were good friends before. Yes, we have had a time we have gone a whole year without saying a word to each other. (read as me ignoring his messages after he tried to talk to me enough times) I have pride issues I know, I am working on those.  We have been friends for nearly 13 years and counting and it’s amazing how we have grown over the years from being bitter to being better.

Sometimes we need to learn to accept that even if things didn’t work out some people are put into our lives for specific reasons.  With him I think the reason was to show me that I can do anything I set my mind to because he has that kind of attitude.  I know my life partner is probably out there reading this and thinking so this is the ex that will give me stress, don’t worry about him, he stays farrrr away from Zimbabwe, besides you and I are going to move to Belgium and live happily ever after.

I would love to hear from you.  When you broke up with your last ex, who was to blame? If you could do things differently what would it be?

©MaKupsy 2016