Adele – Someone Like You

Love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this lifetime if it’s reciprocal.  However, if you are one of the unlucky few who got served a huge dose of unrequited love you will know exactly how much pain can come from it.

Thankfully over the years I have had the chance to reflect and take note of some of the mistakes I made in the past where love was concerned.  In the past I have paired myself up with people who actually did not love or care about me.  I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.  A slight sign of concern was automatically mistaken for love.  For me love had to make my heart go pitter patter, lose my senses, lose sleep and have me going through extremes of happiness and sadness.  That was clearly a lot to take in in the name of love.

I used to be a bitter woman, I was mad at the world.  Mad that I loved someone who did not see all the things I did in the name of love.  More than anything I was mad at myself for not seeing something was not good for me and simply walking away when I still had the chance to do so.

I am happy to say that what I view love to be has completely changed.  For me love will not leave me close to feeling a panic attack, love will complete me, love will give me a warm, calm and confident feeling towards my partner.  I don’t think I still get butterflies, maybe it’s an age thing; but I certainly feel that this is right when I am with the perfect match.

I no longer feel anything towards the man who once shattered my heart to irreparable little pieces; I am indifferent towards him.  You will be surprised to note that this very song used to bring me to tears each time I listened to it but now I listen to it and recall that it used to be his favourite song.  Through it all in as much as things didn’t work out between us we had our happy moments.  They didn’t last but for the season they were supposed to they brought a smile to my face.

It’s important to take a step back whenever you get the chance to and find out where you go wrong.  It’s easy to sit down and blame the world for things going wrong in your life when most times you are the very source of your own pain.  You can’t choose who you love though you can try very hard to make sure you love someone who at least feels the same way about you.

I have made it my personal mission to continue to grow myself in love.  How?  By doing things that bring me joy, filling my days with happy moments, understanding that not everyone will understand the intensity that comes with me and above all else to keep learning and unlearning habits that might hinder my progress.  Not everyone will understand what I am about but the right one will know that I am amazing just the way I am.

We live yes, but how many of us actually take time to learn?  

 

 

 

©MaKupsy 2017

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Build Your Man Up They Say

I see this topic almost everyday on my Twitter Timeline.  For a minute there I tried not to share my 2 cents on the topic but the opinionated me just couldn’t let this one slide anymore. I have mixed feelings on the topic so you can be the judge of where I exactly stand at the end of this piece.  Just thinking about building is exhausting now just imagine building a whole entire human being!   I like to use examples, I have been through the most when it comes to relationships(thanks to bad decision making) I always have a point of reference.

Exhibit 1  

I once wrote about this guy some years ago, he is ex number four.  I worked on this guy like a real actual project!  I did a complete makeover.  Changed how he dressed, showed him how I liked to be treated; insert coffee dates, dinners, random lunches, flowers, gifts, even made sure I had bills covered because I understood that he was going through a rough patch so being the loving girlfriend that I was I made sure all was well. Lesson number 1, DO NOT go around taking care of these grown ass men please because guess what, we broke up anyway and he moved on and started making sure he was paying the bills and making sure his new girlfriend was well taken care of.  Guys!!  This is not even a laughing matter but I am laughing anyways.  Like what the fuck was wrong with me?  Why was I housing a grown ass man and giving him free lessons on how to be a great guy only for him to leave and be Prince Charming to the next woman?  Allow me to laugh at myself some more.  This thing we call love can really play with our senses.

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Exhibit 2

I don’t think we can call this one an exhibit but seeing that I already have a heading with that let’s just play along.  I remember the stories most of our parents used to tell us when we were growing up.  About how they started of with nothing but ended up with beautiful families, cars and houses.  I admire them very much, I really do; but I think times have changed for us.  Back then it was okay to start off from the bottom but now both men and women want a “finished product” so to speak.  How many are willing to start from scratch with someone who has zero vision?  Definitely not me!  These days it’s not just the men who have a checklist, even women now want a man with certain things and are not willing to back down on them.  Things like he has to at least have his own place, he should drive, not have a bunch of baby mamas, must be well traveled…the list is endless really depending on the individual.  I for one will tell you that a man who can not cook risks chances of not dating me because let’s be honest, there is nothing as sexy as a man who can whip up a fire meal!

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Image from Google

Exhibit 3

This is not to say that some people who have actually built their man up did not live happily ever after, they actually did and it’s beautiful to hear about these stories.  I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend when we were 18 and over a decade later they are still together, they even got married!  They used to have some major differences but because they loved each other and they had a mutual end goal things worked out well for them and now they are happily married.

My thoughts in a nutshell?  I think that love is a gamble.  You can win or lose when it comes to relationships.  You can do everything in your power to make sure things work out but sometimes your best isn’t good enough and someone will leave.  I have also come to the realisation that no one sings the song of “Build Your Woman Up”!!   My advice, if you have put in the work and the next person decides they want to leave.  Refuse to be dumped.  Like seriously, after investing your time, efforts and mind banging sex someone tells you it’s over.  Say no, it’s not happening, we are in this till the end.  Show up at their doorstep with breakfast the next day like everything is normal.  LOL, okay, that’s not very great advice and please don’t follow it. Take heart; building someone up might be the best or worst thing that might ever happen to you.  It really is about the two of you in the end.

What are your thoughts on the topic?  Have you been in a situation where you gave it your all but it crumbled before your very own eyes.  Let’s talk.

©MaKupsy 2017

Judge Not!

I got this message from my friend Tillo a few weeks ago and I thought I would share it here.  I don’t know who wrote this but I think this might help a lot of us to think before we start judging those around us.

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Image from Google

Let’s bear in mind before we judge…

Not everyone wants to get married

Not everyone wants to have children

Some people cannot have children

Some people are not married because of circumstances

Some peoples are religious some are not

We need to accept that it is okay and that

doesn’t make them less human  

We are all different with  different views, goals and aspirations

stick to what’s yours and stop trying to understand why X and O does not do such

You don’t know what heavy burden one is carrying.

©MaKupsy 2016

My One & Only

“To have a happy kid, I figure I need to be a happy mother, and to be a happy mother, I need to be a happy person.” Lauren Sandler

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Miss Kupsy at 3 months 🙂

I have really thought this through, and I am happy to only have one child, Miss Kupsy.  Most people will say it is selfish of me to make such a decision but that’s what I want.  (To them I say feel free to make more babies for yourself, whatever makes you happy works for me) Everyone around me is always telling me that she needs a sibling but to be honest, I feel that she will do just fine on her own, she is an independent little diva.  Growing up I remember I used to say to myself, “If I ever have children I will have two, one or none.”  And here I am with one and that will not be changing anytime soon.  A lot of realities have sunk in after having Miss Kupsy and it is probably for the best that I found out sooner rather than later.  Maybe sometime in the years to come I will change my mind but as it stands I stand firm on the decision on not going through child bearing again in an attempt to give Miss Kupsy a sibling.  Here are my reasons why I have no plans of going through this again:

  • Worrying to death, when you become a mother worrying becomes second nature, well, at least for me.  I worry if I am being a good mother, if I am not spoiling her too much, if she is okay at preschool, if she is going to get better when she gets sick, if I will be able to take her to the good grade school I heard about, worry about what will happen to her if anything ever happened to me.
  • Labour is NO JOKE.
  • I can’t afford to have another child, the amount of MONEY that comes with a child is nothing I even want to start all over again, the diapers, the formula, tjo!
  • I will not be able to give two children everything they need so let’s just stick to one and give her the best of everything.
  • I don’t want to go through severe morning sickness for 3 solid months.
  • It will ruin the body I have been working so damn hard for!
  • The sleepless nights…no one prepares you for that…
  • Breast feeding; my breasts were always engorged.  I will spare you the inside details about when they started cracking and eventually bleeding.
  • Finally, I do not have the energy to start all over again, it works on all aspects of your being, mind, body and soul and frankly speaking I just have enough energy to cater for one child.

That said, I will add on more reasons why I prefer having an only child to my list when more come up.  As it is I am beyond happy and at peace with only having to take care of Miss Kupsy, I doubt if I would ever cope if I had to cater for two children.  It already feels like she is out there running around with my heart, imagine having two of them.  Will I be able to love them the exact same way?  Will my heart be able to handle being divided between two children?  I will probably never know hey because it’s one child only for this mother.

I would like to hear your views on being an only child if you are one, or if you are a mother who also plans on having one child.

©MaKupsy 2016