Adele – Someone Like You

Love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this lifetime if it’s reciprocal.  However, if you are one of the unlucky few who got served a huge dose of unrequited love you will know exactly how much pain can come from it.

Thankfully over the years I have had the chance to reflect and take note of some of the mistakes I made in the past where love was concerned.  In the past I have paired myself up with people who actually did not love or care about me.  I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.  A slight sign of concern was automatically mistaken for love.  For me love had to make my heart go pitter patter, lose my senses, lose sleep and have me going through extremes of happiness and sadness.  That was clearly a lot to take in in the name of love.

I used to be a bitter woman, I was mad at the world.  Mad that I loved someone who did not see all the things I did in the name of love.  More than anything I was mad at myself for not seeing something was not good for me and simply walking away when I still had the chance to do so.

I am happy to say that what I view love to be has completely changed.  For me love will not leave me close to feeling a panic attack, love will complete me, love will give me a warm, calm and confident feeling towards my partner.  I don’t think I still get butterflies, maybe it’s an age thing; but I certainly feel that this is right when I am with the perfect match.

I no longer feel anything towards the man who once shattered my heart to irreparable little pieces; I am indifferent towards him.  You will be surprised to note that this very song used to bring me to tears each time I listened to it but now I listen to it and recall that it used to be his favourite song.  Through it all in as much as things didn’t work out between us we had our happy moments.  They didn’t last but for the season they were supposed to they brought a smile to my face.

It’s important to take a step back whenever you get the chance to and find out where you go wrong.  It’s easy to sit down and blame the world for things going wrong in your life when most times you are the very source of your own pain.  You can’t choose who you love though you can try very hard to make sure you love someone who at least feels the same way about you.

I have made it my personal mission to continue to grow myself in love.  How?  By doing things that bring me joy, filling my days with happy moments, understanding that not everyone will understand the intensity that comes with me and above all else to keep learning and unlearning habits that might hinder my progress.  Not everyone will understand what I am about but the right one will know that I am amazing just the way I am.

We live yes, but how many of us actually take time to learn?  




©MaKupsy 2017


Build Your Man Up They Say

I see this topic almost everyday on my Twitter Timeline.  For a minute there I tried not to share my 2 cents on the topic but the opinionated me just couldn’t let this one slide anymore. I have mixed feelings on the topic so you can be the judge of where I exactly stand at the end of this piece.  Just thinking about building is exhausting now just imagine building a whole entire human being!   I like to use examples, I have been through the most when it comes to relationships(thanks to bad decision making) I always have a point of reference.

Exhibit 1  

I once wrote about this guy some years ago, he is ex number four.  I worked on this guy like a real actual project!  I did a complete makeover.  Changed how he dressed, showed him how I liked to be treated; insert coffee dates, dinners, random lunches, flowers, gifts, even made sure I had bills covered because I understood that he was going through a rough patch so being the loving girlfriend that I was I made sure all was well. Lesson number 1, DO NOT go around taking care of these grown ass men please because guess what, we broke up anyway and he moved on and started making sure he was paying the bills and making sure his new girlfriend was well taken care of.  Guys!!  This is not even a laughing matter but I am laughing anyways.  Like what the fuck was wrong with me?  Why was I housing a grown ass man and giving him free lessons on how to be a great guy only for him to leave and be Prince Charming to the next woman?  Allow me to laugh at myself some more.  This thing we call love can really play with our senses.


Exhibit 2

I don’t think we can call this one an exhibit but seeing that I already have a heading with that let’s just play along.  I remember the stories most of our parents used to tell us when we were growing up.  About how they started of with nothing but ended up with beautiful families, cars and houses.  I admire them very much, I really do; but I think times have changed for us.  Back then it was okay to start off from the bottom but now both men and women want a “finished product” so to speak.  How many are willing to start from scratch with someone who has zero vision?  Definitely not me!  These days it’s not just the men who have a checklist, even women now want a man with certain things and are not willing to back down on them.  Things like he has to at least have his own place, he should drive, not have a bunch of baby mamas, must be well traveled…the list is endless really depending on the individual.  I for one will tell you that a man who can not cook risks chances of not dating me because let’s be honest, there is nothing as sexy as a man who can whip up a fire meal!


Image from Google

Exhibit 3

This is not to say that some people who have actually built their man up did not live happily ever after, they actually did and it’s beautiful to hear about these stories.  I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend when we were 18 and over a decade later they are still together, they even got married!  They used to have some major differences but because they loved each other and they had a mutual end goal things worked out well for them and now they are happily married.

My thoughts in a nutshell?  I think that love is a gamble.  You can win or lose when it comes to relationships.  You can do everything in your power to make sure things work out but sometimes your best isn’t good enough and someone will leave.  I have also come to the realisation that no one sings the song of “Build Your Woman Up”!!   My advice, if you have put in the work and the next person decides they want to leave.  Refuse to be dumped.  Like seriously, after investing your time, efforts and mind banging sex someone tells you it’s over.  Say no, it’s not happening, we are in this till the end.  Show up at their doorstep with breakfast the next day like everything is normal.  LOL, okay, that’s not very great advice and please don’t follow it. Take heart; building someone up might be the best or worst thing that might ever happen to you.  It really is about the two of you in the end.

What are your thoughts on the topic?  Have you been in a situation where you gave it your all but it crumbled before your very own eyes.  Let’s talk.

©MaKupsy 2017

Judge Not!

I got this message from my friend Tillo a few weeks ago and I thought I would share it here.  I don’t know who wrote this but I think this might help a lot of us to think before we start judging those around us.


Image from Google

Let’s bear in mind before we judge…

Not everyone wants to get married

Not everyone wants to have children

Some people cannot have children

Some people are not married because of circumstances

Some peoples are religious some are not

We need to accept that it is okay and that

doesn’t make them less human  

We are all different with  different views, goals and aspirations

stick to what’s yours and stop trying to understand why X and O does not do such

You don’t know what heavy burden one is carrying.

©MaKupsy 2016

Diary Of A Woman Who Learnt To Love Herself More

I created a WhatsApp group that I named #RunWithFitnessBae In this group we talk about different issues that are health and fitness related.  The other day we spoke about body shaming and one of the participants in the group shared her story which I feel a lot of people will relate to.  Have a read and share with anyone you think might benefit from this inspirational story.

Not so many years ago I weighed a whopping 120kgs and I wore size 44-46.  To be honest I was comfortable with my weight. My closest relatives actually commented at how “healthy” and “well kept” I was and I actually thought being that fat was a sign to the world I was fine and dandy.  I would eat any and everything and I would sit on the couch and eat a whole chocolate slab, packet of crisps and gulp down and entire bottle of red wine while I watched TV or read a book.  Exercise was something I would watch on TV and something I never got actively involved in.  I knew the benefits of exercise but remember me being fat was a sign of “wealth” so I was ok right? WRONG!

fat shaming.jpg

Real women have nothing to do with size. Real women have RESPECT for one another. -Abbyclaire Herman

I got a rude awakening from my unhealthy eating ways when I found out that the man of my dreams had gone on to marry someone else on the exact same day he was meant to pay lobola for me.  I found out he had been dating my “skinny” friend and it had been happening for a while and I had never suspected it, the betrayal and the heartache were beyond comprehension!!  This whole time I was being a couch potato the man of my dreams was making other plans that didn’t involve me, life changing plans for that matter!  I decided to seek advice from the people who knew us and the people who were close to us and I was shocked and disgusted by the responses I got. Let me tell you the five top responses that made me hate my body and feel disgusted by who I was and who I had become;

  1. Aigodii nekufuta kwawakaita?” (What was he supposed to do with the way you are so fat?)
  2. “Honey, the way you are looking like a 40 year old and yet you are only 25years old is unbecoming”
  3. “I am so sorry but what did you expect look at your friend she is skinny, beautiful and fit and she is light skinned.”
  4. “I am so sorry about what you are going through but I think you are to blame I mean you are fatter than his own mother, he went to what was attractive.”
  5. “You need to lose weight. If you were skinny like his now wife I am sure he wouldn’t have strayed but her body compared to yours there was no chance you would keep him, hauna kana shape.  (You are shapeless)

at 120kgs

Those were the harshest and most cruel things anyone had ever told me and what made it worse was the realization that in their heart of hearts all these people had thought this but never said anything about it.  I probably would have taken offence if they had but real friends would have said something about my sky rocketing weight.  Those words coupled with heartbreak drove to a state of self-disgust and I hated my body and food.  I blamed those two things for letting me not see that my man was losing interest in me and making plans to be with someone else.

I wished I could exchange bodies it seemed all the women I saw were slimmer and prettier.  Suicidal thoughtsyes I got them because to me there was nothing worse that the world seeing you as fat and ugly.  Couple that with everyone knowing that the man thought was for keeps had left you for a “slimmer” and “prettier” woman.  Thankfully, I couldn’t get myself to follow through my suicidal thoughts because I had two little angels who looked up to me and I couldn’t imagine leaving them.  Instead I decided to diet and lose weight but when I started my weight loss journey my reason was to win my man back, I wanted to be pretty for him and I thought he would love me again if I was “slim and pretty like her” and we would get back together and get married and our fairy tale life would continue as we had both imagined it.

And so my weight-loss journey began.  I gave myself a couple of weight loss rules that I was certain would work.

  • Eat as little I you can
  • Exercise for 8 hours a day
  • I have to match “her” weight or maybe lose a few more kilograms then I will be “pretty”
  • I will have to do all this within 90 days

I would eat practically nothing the whole day.  On an average day I would have 2 slices of brown bread and a lot of water the WHOLE DAY.  I would go to the gym from 5am to 9am and again from 5pm to 9pm and I would push myself harder and further each day till I go to a point where all I would eat in a day would be chewing gum when I felt hungry and water.

The weight dropped.  Within 3 months I had lost close to 70 kilograms but unfortunately I had also developed ulcers, acid re-flux and insomnia to name but a few.  My skin changed colour and even my hair grew thin and just when I thought people would compliment me they started saying I was sick and maybe I had HIV.  I clearly was not doing something right because even after all these efforts my man has still not come back to me.  I decided to lose more weight pushed myself to lose more. I think I had gotten to point of being anorexic because eating any food was no longer a part of my life.


at 50kgs

An angle of mercy came to my rescue.  She had seen my transformation and had heard me break down in my room so many times so she sat me down and offered a few pointers.  I remember her advice like she told it to me just yesterday.

No matter how much weight I lost I would never feel beautiful unless I was beautiful to myself first.  Beauty comes from within and with me and then radiates on the outside for everyone to see.  Beauty did not have to be physical alone but both inside and out.

This got me thinking…

Yes I loved my ex boyfriend but for the right love to find me I had to love me first before anyone else could love me.  I had to be my first love and just because we did not work out it does not mean there isn’t a prince waiting for me out there.

 Weight loss and health work hand in hand. I had to take care of my body for it to take care of me. I had to lose weight in a healthy manner so as to avoid skin and stomach issues that I had developed as well as to curb the insomnia (the insomnia had got so bad I couldn’t concentrate at work and I got fired).

Being healthy and being mentally stable work hand in hand, if I am mentally stable I am able to deal with issues that come my way better.

My world and my actions should not be swayed or centered around what people will say about me or about my circumstances but it should be centered about what I feel is right and what I know I should do.

I had to find a way of dealing with my pains, ups and down besides turning to food or to the gym and I chose to keep a journal. That way I could separate issues and still eat healthy and love myself.

After the talk it took me a while to start eating again and to go to the gym.  I now work exercise for a maximum of 2 hours a day and I feed myself with positive affirmations each day.  I got over my ex boyfriend and I moved on. I became my first love and I taught myself to be able to separate issues and deal with them in a healthy and progressive manner. Today I weigh 89kgs (I am definitely not going back to tripledigits on the scale) I am exercising, I have a new job and I LOVE MY BODY SOOOO MUCH. I want to lose weight for me because I want to be healthy and I am doing it in a healthy way this time around.

My new rules of losing weight now are;

  1. Eat a maximum of 5 small meals a day
  2. Watch my portions
  3. Incorporate more vegetables in my meals and less carbs
  5. Run, skip and go to the gym
  6. Prayer and meditation for my soul
  7. Join group of other people that are in the same weightless journey as me for motivation(#RunWithFitnessBae)
  8. When I am not okay I write it down in my journal

at 89kgs


You gain weight gradually and you will certainly lose it gradually.  Weight loss is a journey and not an event.  It takes hard work, determination and perseverance!


©MaKupsy 2016



My ONE and only…

“To have a happy kid, I figure I need to be a happy mother, and to be a happy mother, I need to be a happy person.” Lauren Sandler


Miss Kupsy at 3 months 🙂

I have really thought this through, and I am happy to only have one child, Miss Kupsy.  Most people will say it is selfish of me to make such a decision but that’s what I want.  (To them I say feel free to make more babies for yourself, whatever makes you happy works for me) Everyone around me is always telling me that she needs a sibling but to be honest, I feel that she will do just fine on her own, she is an independent little diva.  Growing up I remember I used to say to myself, “If I ever have children I will have two, one or none.”  And here I am with one and that will not be changing anytime soon.  A lot of realities have sunk in after having Miss Kupsy and it is probably for the best that I found out sooner rather than later.  Maybe sometime in the years to come I will change my mind but as it stands I stand firm on the decision on not going through child bearing again in an attempt to give Miss Kupsy a sibling.  Here are my reasons why I have no plans of going through this again:

  • Worrying to death, when you become a mother worrying becomes second nature, well, at least for me.  I worry if I am being a good mother, if I am not spoiling her too much, if she is okay at preschool, if she is going to get better when she gets sick, if I will be able to take her to the good grade school I heard about, worry about what will happen to her if anything ever happened to me.
  • Labour is NO JOKE.
  • I can’t afford to have another child, the amount of MONEY that comes with a child is nothing I even want to start all over again, the diapers, the formula, tjo!
  • I will not be able to give two children everything they need so let’s just stick to one and give her the best of everything.
  • I don’t want to go through severe morning sickness for 3 solid months.
  • It will ruin the body I have been working so damn hard for!
  • The sleepless nights…no one prepares you for that…
  • Breast feeding; my breasts were always engorged.  I will spare you the inside details about when they started cracking and eventually bleeding.
  • Finally, I do not have the energy to start all over again, it works on all aspects of your being, mind, body and soul and frankly speaking I just have enough energy to cater for one child.

That said, I will add on more reasons why I prefer having an only child to my list when more come up.  As it is I am beyond happy and at peace with only having to take care of Miss Kupsy, I doubt if I would ever cope if I had to cater for two children.  It already feels like she is out there running around with my heart, imagine having two of them.  Will I be able to love them the exact same way?  Will my heart be able to handle being divided between two children?  I will probably never know hey because it’s one child only for this mother.

I would like to hear your views on being an only child if you are one, or if you are a mother who also plans on having one child.

©MaKupsy 2016

Life Lessons I Have Learnt So Far

I have been through a lot of interesting experiences to date and all of them have taught me a thing or two.  If God grants me more years on this earth my grandchildren will hear the most bizarre tales.  If they are lucky they might actually get to read them instead because I am planning on writing a book at some point but procrastinating is my greatest enemy at the moment.  Right, about those life lessons…


Lesson 1

You have to love yourself first before anyone else.  Be good to you and treat yourself right.  That way you make your life easier by avoiding toxic relationships.  When you know what you deserve you make sure you get nothing short of that.

Lesson 2

Don’t beg people to stay in your life.  Don’t beg them to love you.  Don’t beg them to call you.  Don’t beg them to treat you right.  The ones that truly love and care for you will not need you to beg for their affections, they will do any of these things naturally because you actually mean something to them.

Lesson 3

Use your head and not your heart when you make life changing decisions.  I have made one three many decisions based on feelings and those never ended well.  Since then I have constantly reminded myself that the best decisions are those made with a sound mind.

Lesson 4

Social media can be used for the greater good.  I know I follow people on Twitter who have landed jobs and life changing opportunities through that platform.  I have also been lucky to be invited to events thanks to blogging and Tweeting and had a chance to network.

Try not to use your social media presence to troll, complain and shame others.  Let me also say my 2 cents on nudity while I’m at it.  Don’t take nude photos that show your face and send them to your significant other, you don’t know who else he will share them with or where they will end up.  If you can help it DO NOT SEND NUDE PHOTOS AT ALL.

Lesson 5

Do not make decisions based on other people.  Be it your education, love life, career choice the list is endless.  At the end of the day YOU are the one who lives with the decisions that concern your life.  You have no one to answer to but yourself when you look back and wish you had done things differently. If you want to be a pilot, do that!  If you want to have a life partner and live happily ever after with no kids, do that!  If you want to write for a living, by all means do that!  Why?  Because life is too short to not do what truly makes you happy!

That said; what are some of the lessons you have learnt so far?  I would love to read all about them.



I was having a lengthy chat with one of my blogger friends who has turned into a real life friend the other day on WhatsApp.  She was telling me about how she was feeling overwhelmed at the moment and it made me realise we share the same sentiments when it comes to personal space.

I am one of those individuals who when faced with a bunch of personal struggles I simply shut down from those around me.  You will find me all active on Twitter, Instagram the works, but you will rarely find me chatting away on WhatsApp.  It is something some people might consider a weakness but for me it is something that I have accepted to be a part of me.  Sometimes all a person needs is some time out to try and figure out what the next move should be to make life more manageable.  Unfortunately most people take this the wrong way and automatically assume that your silence means that they have done something to you.

The thing I find the most annoying though is when you do decide to tell someone that you are going through something and you are not yourself they can’t seem to discern that downloading their personal problems to you at that particular time is not a very grand idea.  Most times when I am in that phase I do not have the capacity to deal with anything else.  Does this make me a bad person?  I wonder…


My advice to you if you have friends who are anything like me.

Give someone the space they need.  Allow them to gather their thoughts and please rest assured that their silence has absolutely nothing to do with you.  Please do not take it personally.  When someone is good and ready they will reach out but until then continue to live your life, try as best as you can not to be too consumed by why someone is too quiet lately, people are busy with this life thing, you should be doing the same thing.

P.S. People deal with stress and trauma differently, please keep that in mind.


Wednesday Inspiration – Based On A True Story…

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve. Napoleon Hill”


2005, I finish my A’Level studies at Marondera High School in Marondera, Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is at the height of its socio-economic and political decay. I want to advance my education but the situation in +263 won’t allow. My father, knowing very well that his son wants to advance his education by any means necessary, suggests that I take a gap year in 2006 and help him run his businesses in rural Macheke, a small village town on the border of Mashonaland East and Manicaland provinces, on your way to Mutare, Zimbabwe’s fourth largest city. I take up the offer and I run the family business to the best I could.   Towards the end of 2006 I told my dad that I really wanted to go to university to study and he understood but the sad story was that it was quite difficult for my family to finance my studies. Anyone who really understands the situation in Zimbabwe from 2006 will know what I’m talking about.

On the 19th of March 2007, I embarked on what I still consider as one of the most adventurous journeys of my life. I hopped on to a Greyhound bus, armed with US$52, which, at the time, was equivalent to R 1000, Destination: Durban, South Africa. To this very day I still remember the words my parents said to me on that day, warning me about the dangers of living in Azania! I arrived in Durban and managed to secure a job at a restaurant called Oscars Café in Essenwood Road. That job marked a watershed moment in my life. I was a waiter but because I had an unfulfilled dream and I was not prepared to let the situation in Zimbabwe dictate my fate, I then enrolled at the University of KwaZulu Natal Howard College Campus for a bachelor’s degree. I used the money I made to finance my studies. Four years of my life was spent at that restaurant then I moved to Market Restaurant when Oscars was sold.


Working while studying was one of the most challenging endeavors I have ever embarked on. It was very tough. Varsity classes started at 8am and at 4:30pm I had to be at work. I worked till 11pm each night, 16 hour double shifts on the weekend. After work I would then start working on assignments and/or study, but I never lost hope. I wanted that degree so bad. Through restaurant work and the strength I got from the heavens, I managed to attain 2 degrees. The hours were long, the work was tough but working in the restaurant did not just help me pay for my education, it helped me develop excellent communicative, business and interpersonal skills, which are vital in the business world this day. After graduation I managed to secure good jobs and I haven’t stopped studying.  I plan to pursue a Masters in International Relations as well as an LLM

unnamed (1).jpg

A few months ago I was at a restaurant at OR Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg, South Africa, waiting for my flight, I was travelling to one of the Southern African countries. The waitress who served me was a Zimbabwean girl. I had a chat with her and she told me she wanted to study and I shared my story with her, I was just having a conversation. Several months later, when I had long forgotten about my conversation with her, I was back to the airport and it so happened that I found myself at the same restaurant where she worked. Somebody else was serving me but when that girl I had spoken to spotted me she came straight to me…what she did almost got me into tears, she produced her student card!! My story had inspired her to take that leap of faith and had registered at the University of Johannesburg’s Bunting road campus in Auckland Park. I still cannot comprehend what I felt on that day.

unnamed (2).jpg

The main reason why I decided to share my story with the rest of the world is that I want people to know that the road to greatness is like that legendary narrow path, its full of obstacles but its up to you to give up or navigate your way around it. I’m not saying I’m a great man now, but I’m far much better than what I was in 2006. This is my message to you all, in whatever you do, be the yardstick of excellence, make sure you lead so that they can follow. Look beyond the obvious, in search of the unseen, as you establish yourself as number one, as the world’s greatest….you can do it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, you can do it.


Tapiwa Munjoma is a Political Scientist, FreeLance Journalist and a Human Rights Activist who specializes on African Politics.



2 0 1 6

Compliments of the new season to every single person who reads my blog.  I hope you entered the New Year in good health.  Nothing is as important to me as my health.  I make sure each year I get my medicals done just to make sure everything is functioning as it should be.  I hope you do the same; your health is your wealth.


Photo taken by yours truly 🙂

I had taken a break from blogging to enjoy the rest of 2015 and make priceless memories.  You have no idea how beautiful it is to end the year on a great note.  It felt good.  I remember compiling a list of places I wanted to visit in 2015 but never got to go to two of the destinations BUT this year I will definitely make my way to Malawi within the first half of the year without fail!

New year resolutions?  I didn’t make any this year.  What I do have are goals.  Let me elaborate for those who don’t know the difference between a goal and a resolution:

A goal is a desired result that a person wishes to achieve. It is a target that a person wants to reach

A resolution is a  decision or determination; a resolve: to make a firm resolution to do something.

From my own experiences in the past I have failed dismally at keeping my resolutions and that is the main reason I stopped making them.

My goals for 2016 include:

  • Making moves to write for a website which I have had my eyes on for months now.
  • Turning my fitness obsession into a money making machine.
  • Traveling, my goals would be incomplete without this.
  • Learning new skills pertaining my line of work.
  • Going back to school and beefing up my CV.

I will obviously have more goals as we get into the year but these are my goals for the first half of 2016.  Wish me luck!

Lastly, 2016 going forward I WILL PUT MYSELF FIRST, MY HAPPINESS, MY INTERESTS, MY ASPIRATIONS because life is too short to not make things happen for yourself!

Here’s to a fruitful new year.