Adele – Someone Like You

Love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this lifetime if it’s reciprocal.  However, if you are one of the unlucky few who got served a huge dose of unrequited love you will know exactly how much pain can come from it.

Thankfully over the years I have had the chance to reflect and take note of some of the mistakes I made in the past where love was concerned.  In the past I have paired myself up with people who actually did not love or care about me.  I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.  A slight sign of concern was automatically mistaken for love.  For me love had to make my heart go pitter patter, lose my senses, lose sleep and have me going through extremes of happiness and sadness.  That was clearly a lot to take in in the name of love.

I used to be a bitter woman, I was mad at the world.  Mad that I loved someone who did not see all the things I did in the name of love.  More than anything I was mad at myself for not seeing something was not good for me and simply walking away when I still had the chance to do so.

I am happy to say that what I view love to be has completely changed.  For me love will not leave me close to feeling a panic attack, love will complete me, love will give me a warm, calm and confident feeling towards my partner.  I don’t think I still get butterflies, maybe it’s an age thing; but I certainly feel that this is right when I am with the perfect match.

I no longer feel anything towards the man who once shattered my heart to irreparable little pieces; I am indifferent towards him.  You will be surprised to note that this very song used to bring me to tears each time I listened to it but now I listen to it and recall that it used to be his favourite song.  Through it all in as much as things didn’t work out between us we had our happy moments.  They didn’t last but for the season they were supposed to they brought a smile to my face.

It’s important to take a step back whenever you get the chance to and find out where you go wrong.  It’s easy to sit down and blame the world for things going wrong in your life when most times you are the very source of your own pain.  You can’t choose who you love though you can try very hard to make sure you love someone who at least feels the same way about you.

I have made it my personal mission to continue to grow myself in love.  How?  By doing things that bring me joy, filling my days with happy moments, understanding that not everyone will understand the intensity that comes with me and above all else to keep learning and unlearning habits that might hinder my progress.  Not everyone will understand what I am about but the right one will know that I am amazing just the way I am.

We live yes, but how many of us actually take time to learn?  

 

 

 

©MaKupsy 2017

The Other Woman

Love her or hate her, the other woman exists and chances are she will continue to exist till the end of time.  I’m not saying your boyfriend or husband has her; not all men are cut out for that.  However, if you are one of the unfortunate few he has one and it is highly likely that she is not going anywhere anytime soon.

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Image from Google

I was the other woman, once upon a time…how did I end up there?  A case of a long distance relationship gone wrong and after that I told myself I was not going to do relationships until further notice so a situationship was more ideal for me then.  Couple that with insecurities from a failed relationship and not realising my worth, I easily settled for being the other woman in a heartbeat.  I used to enjoy the thrill of the secret relationship, the attention was priceless because he would try to compensate for the time he was not able to be with me.

This is a phase in my life I look back to and ask myself what the heck was I thinking? But you know what they say, everything that happens to you is a learning curve.  Thankfully that phase only lasted a short while and was over before it even started because I clearly could not stand being an option in his life.  Believe me when I tell you that kind of emotional stress is not good for anyone, at all!   Ask me if I will ever travel down that road again?  The answer is a definite NO!  It was a phase I am not proud of to date.

That is one of my favourite tracks by Changing Faces – The Other Woman and they are mainly singing about why they are no longer willing to share a man because they have finally realised what they deserve. (love is not so blind after all) However, not all women share the same sentiments because below are a few who are currently the other woman and not complaining about it.

“I enjoy the financial benefits that come with being the other woman, I have never worked a day in my life and “my husband” provides me and our children with everything we need.” Small House

“Sex with someone who isn’t my boyfriend every once in a while is a thrilling experience, you know what they say about variety being the spice of life.” The SexAHolic

“There is a sense of adventure, things done in secret give me an adrenaline rush and I got hooked to it I simply can’t stop.” The Side Chic

“I don’t have to worry about attending funerals, washing his clothes, cooking for him, I get to see him at his best and get to spend quality time with him.” The Cougar

“I get my rent paid, my child taken care of, endless outings, someone to sponsor my drinking habit and never having to worry about how I am going to put food on the table, that’s his job!” The Alcoholic

“Since we don’t see each other often when I do see him there is no time for fighting, I always look forward to seeing him.” Miss No Pressure

“I have been lied to and deceived one too many times, it is better to be with a married guy who won’t make empty promises to me.” Miss Content

“I have my own money, I can take care of myself but I don’t have the time for a full on relationship.  I only see him as and when I am free because I have a busy schedule so being the other woman works for me.” Miss Independent 

Relationships are complicated if you let them be, but from my experience being the other woman never ends well.  It seems for the women above it is working to their advantage and they are happy.  I say, life is too short so one must do whatever makes them happy as long as it gives them sleep at night.

What’s your take on the “other woman”?  I am happy to read on both negative and possibly positive things you have to say about her in the comments section below.

©MaKupsy 2017

Desperate Housewives

When everyone was all excited about the television series Desperate Housewives I joined in but only got to watch the first two seasons because I never really had time to sit down and watch it.  A few weeks ago my friend brought me back to the series and gave me the whole 8 seasons of it and I have been hooked ever since.  I am currently watching Season 6 and the first episode left me feeling a lot of different things.  Here’s the thing.

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Image from Google

If you go back to season 5 Mike had moved in with Catherine and they seemed happy.  Well, Catherine mostly did because she hadn’t been in a relationship in a while and was happy to finally have someone in her life.  Mike seemed distant and still in love with his ex wife Susan. (But apparently they had both “moved on”) Catherine obviously didn’t see that Mike wasn’t head over heels for her because she was in a love bubble of her own.  I think it was brave of Catherine to ask Mike if he was ever going to marry her because Mike told her the truth that he didn’t know.  And you know that for most women we choose to not pay attention to what a man says.  He actually told her the truth but we always find a way of hoping somehow he will change his mind because we are just programmed like that I guess.  The other issue I have with Mike is that he will go above and beyond for Susan just to make her happy but clearly won’t do much for Catherine.  I can safely say Catherine gets half baked love from Mike but Susan on the other hand…There are real life cases where you date a guy and he treats you like crap but then dates the next woman and treats her like a queen and you wonder what the fuck is that all about?  So then;the series continues and a whole lot of things happen but this is the part that really got to me when I watched episode one of season 6.

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Mike just went on to marry Susan and left Catherine out in the cold.  Okay fine, maybe Catherine made a not so wise decision by hooking up with someone she knew still had unresolved issues but give her a break, you can’t exactly choose who you fall in love with, or can you?  Why does Susan always get what she wants though?  That again is not fair!  I was really sad on Catherine’s behalf.  How do women end up in situations like this though?  How do we just feel the need to fall for the emotionally unavailable guy?  Do we not see the signs?  And as for Mike, how do you just drop Catherine like a hot potato and get back to your ex wife (Susand) and forget about all the promises you made to Catherine?  Didn’t she at least mean something to you?  Does this mean she doesn’t have feelings too or she should just get over it and move on.  Mind you she stays right across the street and will get to witness everything the pair gets up to.  Man, the world is a cold ass place…

I should clearly stop over analysing things, it’s just a series!!

©MaKupsy 2017

Throw Back Thursday : #TeamFitness

They say there is strength in numbers, and thanks to this group we have on Whatsapp that saying has only proven to stay true. We share all sorts of health and exercise information and encourage each other along the way. I am NOT a Whatsapp Group fan but this one is just what I needed. The ladies here all have lives to live so there is no bombarding of endless meaningless messages on the group. .There is 7 ladies in this group, all with different strategies but all with one agenda “To keep fit.” Hence the group name #TeamFitness.  Below is a bio for every member of the group.

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Name – Felly

Age – 23

Height – 5 foot 7 inches/173cm

Weight: starting weight 95kgs/211lbs/15 stone, 1lb

Goal weight: 68kgs/150lbs/10 stone, 10lbs

Current weight: – restarting my journey so if you ask me this information at the end of the month, I’ll have something more accurate.

My exercise regime is 85% cardio and 15% strength training. I run a 5K on the treadmill in approx 35 minutes, row for 10 minutes and do the cross trainer/elliptical for 20-30 minutes depending on how tired I am. I just started attending a spin class that’s 45 minutes long but trying only for x3 times in a week!

My strength routine is fairly new but is very light lifting and weighted squats. I’m hoping to improve this once I’ve lost 5kgs as I’ll be lighter and my endurance better. I’m aiming to train for 4-5 times in a week with rest days on Saturday and Tuesday. I’ll walk 5 miles/8km around my neighbourhood on days I do not attend the gym..

My diet is going to be strictly vegan for one week then clean after that. I intend to treat myself x1 per month and on that day, anything and everything in my path will be eaten lol! I’m going cold turkey on all soda and fizzy and all I’ll be drinking is water, tea, 100% fruit juice and squash. My goal is to lose 5kgs/14lbs/1 stone every month.

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Name – Zvie

Age – 29

Height – 162cm

Current Weight – 80kgs

Goal Weight – 75kgs

My workout regime is mostly composed of jogging.  I jog mornings and evenings. I jog for 20 minutes in the mornings where I run 2.5km in 20 minutes.  I recently added running up and down a hill for close to 10 minutes so that totals my time to 30 minutes once im done with the jog.  In the evenings I run 5km for about 40 minutes.

On days I do not jog I do 1 hour of Aerobics, or 30 minutes of Zumba or 45 minutes of Yoga.

I have a cheat day where I eat foods I will be craving but in moderation, then I have rest day(originally meant to be a day I chill out on the exercising front), but ends up as a day which I hardly ever utilise because most times I will be catching up on laundry and house chores. Whoever said you only rest when you are dead knew what they were talking about!

My eating habits are currently working out just fine, I now think before I eat because jogging is a constant reminder of how hard it is to burn the food I eat.  I drink water effortlessly, I go through 3 litres on a good day.  Every other week I am challenging myself to do something different, like try an all fruit day, or cut out carbs in the evenings, eat more fruits and vegetables and so far it is going great. My goal weight is to be 75kgs come April 2015, it is my birthday month so I plan to celebrate it in style.

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Name – Tendy

Age – 30

Weight  – 79kgs

Height – 165cm

Goal weight -70 kgs by January 22, 2015

Diet: Daniels fast Mon – Friday

Morning Jog 1.5kms – gym for an hour in the evening. Drinking a litre per day of water.

Jog 10km on Sundays and exercise for two hours in the gym.

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Name – Yami

Age – 27

Height – Not sure! 162cm maybe?

Weight – 57kgs

Goal weight –  Maintain current. I’m all about trying to tone up and

define muscles (lower body)

Exercise regime. My ideal exercise plan includes running, yoga, indoor cardio, dance and kickboxing. Lately I’ve been slacking but I’m incorporating yoga into everyday and kickboxing three times a week. I like anything I can do to music. I am still psyching myself to getting back into running.

My goal is to keep healthy. A common misconception about people who aren’t overweight is that we don’t have to exercise. I do it to keep my heart strong, legs fit and stomach flat. My stomach has never been a problem but I want to keep it that way.

My diet is low in carbs, high in protein. I love vegetables to – I could literally eat salad every day. I don’t like water but I drink a lot of juice and when I have to drink water, I try to flavour it. Typical breakfast is either cornflakes with fruit or an omelette. Lunch and supper vary but there’s always a vegetable in there, whether it’s on rye bread, in salad or with some form of meat. I snack on fruit, popcorn, yoghurt. I like cheese too.

I am lucky that I don’t gain weight too easily so I cheat a lot with candy but I limit myself pretty well. Two or three candy bars a month and a packet of fruit chews. Sparkling flavoured water is a weakness.

When I’m not exercising, I’m a life coach and soft skills training facilitator. I work with a youth group called Soul’d Out too. Love to read, sing, cook, laugh… And my personal motto is “More Heart”, we all need to put more energy and passion into life. That means greater commitment, focus, excellence and more love.

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Name – Kay

Age – 25

Height – 158cm

Current Weight – 86kgs

Goal Weight – 70kgs

Jogging and gym  – Currently 1.5kms each morning, adding it to make 3kms, then gym for 1.30 mins, squats, treadmill 3 kms, sit ups, weights.

Sunday to Friday routine- Sabbath I rest. Totally! Sunday I try and jog twice as much, 5kms that is, esp when the weather is tempting

I need to be really honest with myself in terms of what I eat, I start the day so well. Cereal, fruit, a sandwich for lunch but supper I get home and i have a heavy meal, I do portion control though but, I snack on biscuits at times, I have no discipline at all.

I need to increase thee exercise routine and stay on course with my diet, I also need to drink more water. Frequenting the loo goes against my very being. I have no problem drinking it, It is the downside I do not like.

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Name – Pacey Pee

Age – 26

Height – 157cm

Current weight – 66kg

Target weight 62 kg

I jog in the mornings (I mean I try to) and I go for aerobics class every Sunday morning. I make sure all my workouts are for 30+ minutes so that my belly fat can be tormented. YES #belly!!!! that’s my major concern. I hate vegetables, I don’t understand fruits. Water is tasteless. LOL I like to complain about these things even though I know they bring out a nice bikini body! So time to toughen up and get flab burning!

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Name : Miss Kay

Age: 26

Weight : 62kgs

Height : 162cm

Target Weight : 55kg

Its more of a getting toned than weight loss plan so don’t read into the target weight thing too much.

Fitness Goals : To run the 2015 Vic Falls Marathon

Routine : cardio, fartlek, gym, p90x

I wake up at 5:15 every morning for my run because I can’t stand this heat and that’s just the best way to start off a great day. I do a 20min jog at a fast pace approx just over 4km. Fully recovery then I do some fartleks which are just walk, jog, sprint intervals (example –>walk 50m, jog 100m, sprint 100m  Do this 6-10 times).

On other days I will just do gym and some p90x. I attribute my almost perfectly flat belly to my p90x DVD collection

My Playlist :  Anything by Rihanna. funk rock/ house/ dancehall music — the less lyrics the better, i just want a bouncy beat and rhythm

Weakness  : Chocolates, pizza, icecream  These weaknesses for me need Jesus himself because I don’t know what kind of will power is required here

About me : When I’m not exercising I’m farming (tobacco, pigs, mushrooms) and during the school first term season I coach athletics

Build Your Man Up They Say

I see this topic almost everyday on my Twitter Timeline.  For a minute there I tried not to share my 2 cents on the topic but the opinionated me just couldn’t let this one slide anymore. I have mixed feelings on the topic so you can be the judge of where I exactly stand at the end of this piece.  Just thinking about building is exhausting now just imagine building a whole entire human being!   I like to use examples, I have been through the most when it comes to relationships(thanks to bad decision making) I always have a point of reference.

Exhibit 1  

I once wrote about this guy some years ago, he is ex number four.  I worked on this guy like a real actual project!  I did a complete makeover.  Changed how he dressed, showed him how I liked to be treated; insert coffee dates, dinners, random lunches, flowers, gifts, even made sure I had bills covered because I understood that he was going through a rough patch so being the loving girlfriend that I was I made sure all was well. Lesson number 1, DO NOT go around taking care of these grown ass men please because guess what, we broke up anyway and he moved on and started making sure he was paying the bills and making sure his new girlfriend was well taken care of.  Guys!!  This is not even a laughing matter but I am laughing anyways.  Like what the fuck was wrong with me?  Why was I housing a grown ass man and giving him free lessons on how to be a great guy only for him to leave and be Prince Charming to the next woman?  Allow me to laugh at myself some more.  This thing we call love can really play with our senses.

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Exhibit 2

I don’t think we can call this one an exhibit but seeing that I already have a heading with that let’s just play along.  I remember the stories most of our parents used to tell us when we were growing up.  About how they started of with nothing but ended up with beautiful families, cars and houses.  I admire them very much, I really do; but I think times have changed for us.  Back then it was okay to start off from the bottom but now both men and women want a “finished product” so to speak.  How many are willing to start from scratch with someone who has zero vision?  Definitely not me!  These days it’s not just the men who have a checklist, even women now want a man with certain things and are not willing to back down on them.  Things like he has to at least have his own place, he should drive, not have a bunch of baby mamas, must be well traveled…the list is endless really depending on the individual.  I for one will tell you that a man who can not cook risks chances of not dating me because let’s be honest, there is nothing as sexy as a man who can whip up a fire meal!

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Image from Google

Exhibit 3

This is not to say that some people who have actually built their man up did not live happily ever after, they actually did and it’s beautiful to hear about these stories.  I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend when we were 18 and over a decade later they are still together, they even got married!  They used to have some major differences but because they loved each other and they had a mutual end goal things worked out well for them and now they are happily married.

My thoughts in a nutshell?  I think that love is a gamble.  You can win or lose when it comes to relationships.  You can do everything in your power to make sure things work out but sometimes your best isn’t good enough and someone will leave.  I have also come to the realisation that no one sings the song of “Build Your Woman Up”!!   My advice, if you have put in the work and the next person decides they want to leave.  Refuse to be dumped.  Like seriously, after investing your time, efforts and mind banging sex someone tells you it’s over.  Say no, it’s not happening, we are in this till the end.  Show up at their doorstep with breakfast the next day like everything is normal.  LOL, okay, that’s not very great advice and please don’t follow it. Take heart; building someone up might be the best or worst thing that might ever happen to you.  It really is about the two of you in the end.

What are your thoughts on the topic?  Have you been in a situation where you gave it your all but it crumbled before your very own eyes.  Let’s talk.

©MaKupsy 2017

Expectations of the Zimbabwean Woman

Sometimes I feel our culture expects too much from a woman.  We are taught to accept certain things as “normal” and not question them.  Take infidelity for example.  The moment a wife finds out her husband is cheating or has a small house trying to confide in his or her relatives can prove to be fruitless because most times she is told that’s what men do.  Today I will touch on relationships in our society.

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Image from Google

 

There are so many different cases of unimaginable things happening around Zimbabwe lately.  One of the articles that I read recently shocked the lights out of me. A woman killed her husband over a text message.  If you read the story at first glance you just tell yourself this woman be crazy!  But when you really think about it; it was probably not about the messages.  I would like to think there is a story behind this story; you just don’t wake up and decide today I am going to kill my husband for no reason.  Chances are her spirit had been broken beyond repair because of issues that hadn’t been dealt with within the marriage and a whole lot of bullshit she had to endure as a woman.  Remember I told you that our culture just tells you to accept things that a man does and go with the flow; now see where that kind of thinking leads to?  A man will cheat, he will beat up his partner, he will have a love child and even bring the child to his matrimonial home, he will leave his family for another woman and what is the woman told?? SHINGA NDOZVAVANOITA VARUME!! (be strong that’s what men do).

I asked a few people whose names will obviously remain anonymous why they chose to stay in abusive relationships even though they could see they were in an unhealthy relationship.

  • They were promised heaven on earth
  • They had low self esteem
  • They enjoyed the attention they got from their partner even though it was the wrong kind of attention
  • They thought he will change and become a better person
  • He promised he would never do it again
  • They stayed because that’s what they knew and were used to
  • Their partner threatened to commit suicide if they decided to leave
  • They stayed because of the children involved in the union
  • They stayed because they worried about what people would think
  • They stayed because they did not want to be alone

I have been in a toxic relationship before and trust me at the time chances are you don’t see that this person is actually abusing you especially if it’s emotional abuse.  Do not even ask me about the process of reporting to the police after an abusive incident, what a joke!  I ended up feeling like I was the one who committed the crime.  Then I tried to go to Musasa Project to try and get some counselling but the queues were long and I waited for half a day on both occasions I tried to go there until I just gave up.  I ended up dealing with the abuse on my own because clearly there was nowhere else to turn to…

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Image from Google

Okay, back to the story at hand.   It’s only after you leave that you realise things could have gone pretty bad if you had decided to soldier on.  I learnt my lesson though, I know that the moment I see any signs of abuse I will walk out and fast I won’t even second guess my decision.  I remember the night my then boyfriend beat the life out of me like it happened yesterday…I stay at a flat with 30 units and even though I screamed and cried for help not a single person came to my rescue.  Do you see another worrisome thing in our society?  Our society does not want people interfering in things that don’t concern them so someone will probably get beaten to death and the neighbours wont say a word or intervene because “it’s none of their business.”

The people who contributed to this post also had a few lessons to share.

  1. He taught me that staying with an abuser is just letting them know it’s okay to get angry and lash out with physical violence they won’t stop.  Your best bet is to leave before something worse happens.
  2. The moment three or four people highlight that your partner is abusive take a step back and look at your relationship from their point of view.  Sometimes outsiders see what you are going through with clear eyes.
  3. People must at least try to intervene when they see a problem.
  4. “Being strong” is not the answer to every problem, people need to sit down and talk about their issues and concerns.

A few weeks ago I noticed that Njabulo wrote a status on Facebook asking why women do not leave abusive relationships.  You can read more from here.

After all is said and done all I can say is we are all human beings and we should always consider how our actions will affect the next person.  Do not go around doing things that will hurt the next person just because you know society will allow you to get away with it.

Have a heart!

©MaKupsy 2017

Judge Not!

I got this message from my friend Tillo a few weeks ago and I thought I would share it here.  I don’t know who wrote this but I think this might help a lot of us to think before we start judging those around us.

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Image from Google

Let’s bear in mind before we judge…

Not everyone wants to get married

Not everyone wants to have children

Some people cannot have children

Some people are not married because of circumstances

Some peoples are religious some are not

We need to accept that it is okay and that

doesn’t make them less human  

We are all different with  different views, goals and aspirations

stick to what’s yours and stop trying to understand why X and O does not do such

You don’t know what heavy burden one is carrying.

©MaKupsy 2016