If you ask me, when it comes to love, I don’t learn, AT ALL! I see things in black and white but I choose to add some colour to spice things up. I’m beginning to believe I thrive on drama. Let me tell you something that happened to me many moons ago; I look back now and simply shake my head but when it happened my poor heart was going through a lot of pain.
You already know the narrative, boy meets girl, both fall helplessly in love and start dating. The universe always chooses to play a joke on me and has the “love of my life” move out of the country and I’m left behind with a whole sack full of feelings. However, this time around there seemed to be hope. Thanks to technology we were in constant communication and even had the same Display Picture on WhatsApp. Stuff like that makes me feel all shades of mushy inside. I like whoever is dating me to show me off, I love it!
There was only one problem. My current flame still had pictures of his ex on his Facebook profile. Initially I pretended that it didn’t bother me but eventually I communicated that I wasn’t comfortable with having to see her on his profile, he could hide his albums no problem but having them in my face felt offensive. How I always end up with partners who still have ex issues beats me?
The flame told me that his ex was going to be in the country for some work related thing and she might pass through to see him. It was at that point that all hell broke loose. In my head I thought why in the world would your ex travel halfway across the continent to probably see you at some point. Why are you still talking to your ex, why are you even telling me about this??!!! I felt so much confusion I couldn’t focus on anything for days to come. After telling my friend what was going on she sent me a message and said, “I told you that woman was never an ex she has always been there it was just the distance that had separated them.”
I asked him what was going on and I was told that she was still his friend and I was being crazy. I recall him telling me I was being dramatic. Me, dramatic for saying what I was seeing with my own eyes! I was drinking on a Monday after work or any given day actually. You see, alcohol is my coping mechanism. I was sending voice notes and never ending messages to my flame asking why he chose to pursue me if he knew he still had unfinished business with his ex. I was listening to all our favourite songs and crying buckets, I had headaches every single morning. I was a hot mess!
After a few weeks I told myself I was going to delete his number, all our music playlists and all our photographs together and let go. I said my peace and walked away from the most intense emotional place I had ever found myself in. I loved him so much but I wasn’t going to risk getting a broken heart over someone who obviously lied to me from the get go.
Months later I went to check his Facebook account. The so called “ex” was there alright, he went on to get a tattoo with her name… Sigh.
I need to do better. I need to be better. I don’t want the kind of love that sets my soul on fire. I’ve been in that kind of love, it does nothing but bring me pain and disappointment. I want a love that is calm, certain and doesn’t give me sleepless nights. I know things will not always be perfect but for the most part the relationship should maintain my sanity! Anyone can tell you that they love you, they’re just three little words after all; what matters is what they want to do about this love they claim to have for you. The plan is to write a beautiful love story in 2018 despite all the disasters I’ve been through in the past, it will happen, when the time is right, this much I know.
I have more love gone wrong blog posts for you to enjoy, at this rate I may as well move around with a gown to showcase my Masters In Failed Relationships;
What are some of the things you have done in the name of love? I can’t be the only one doing relationships wrong, let’s talk about this and have a good laugh at ourselves.