You are everything they said I should not find in a woman. But I am everything they want to see in a man because of you. Child rebel monster, it seems like all my life I have been preparing myself to love you. While at the same time taking just enough to paint you with a slightly begrimed color of love. Yet you low key have been seeing me from a boy to a man.
You are older they said. By quite a lot and this bit is nothing but true. It bothered me at first but not you. “What’s the worst that could happen if we gave it a shot?” you asked. We have a shelf life we agreed, and it was to be fun and games until we both fell hard. And I fell even harder. Into an abyss of love, I fell, mind my corny nature on this but trust me it would have been worse had I settled on penning an ode to unexpected love. My deadbeat uncle is quick to gossip about you like that other lady from church I told you about. Surely I cannot take the advice of one who fails to feed his own son. If he had a woman like you he probably would not be the filth that he is. I am not letting go of you because I do not want to become what he is.
I hate everything to do with your past life. Simply because you are flawless and it is hard to get over the fact that I am the beast in this relationship. You are the beauty in it. But a scar from your past makes many doubt your ability to love and care. But I know you better than many, your forgiving nature is apparent; like that wart under your nose. You once told me you married a man you had no business marrying, and I feel the pain because I cannot be to your kids what he is to them. Something is wrong with her they say, she couldn’t hold her marriage together. Like that makes it reason enough to stop loving you. But I know something is wrongwith all of us who fall in love with you, because a countless number of times we hurt you but you still rise from the ashes a bigger man. Cursing us but loving us still. Scars.
You need your own is what many say to me. There is no pride in the seed that grew from “your” field I am advised. But I grew up under the tutelage of a single mother, who withheld her craving for attention and I watched her suffer in silence as she supposedly did what was best for both her love interests and me. Your kids are a beautiful part of you that makes me love you even more. But to some around me they are a weapon to dislodge me from you. I hate to love when your kids call me dad. Because it reminds me of that other person, but also accentuates your regard of my importance in your existence.
She comes from those other people. The filthy people, like we are any cleaner. My family’s hate for Shona people is beyond me. Given that our ancestry points out that we are one half Shona ourselves. Selfish much are those close to me. Wanting what is right for themselves so much so not to realize that their wishes could cost me you. And you happen to be what is good for me. Moreover, you are what is good for them. I wish they knew how many of the meals they have enjoyed were funded by your kindness. If they found out how much you do for them, will they then spew their guts out because they have been fed by the enemy?
My best friend called you crazy. He felt that your confession of undying love was an indicator of your schizophrenic nature and I had no business dealing with a crazy lady. But he never thought I would go on to cry come back baby. So damaged I am I could not stand being loved truly and honestly. I shared with him the messages I had no business showing to another soul. And compromised our fortress of trust. I allowed a Trojan horse into our troy of love. And gave one person the power to look into your eyes smiling while in his heart taking you for a fool.
No man is an island. But I would love to be trapped in an island with you. I am difficult to love. But you have made it an easy job because that is how amazing you are. I appreciate women better because of you, and respect beyond what society dictates. I have been told I deserve better. I have been convinced I am worth more. None of these have ever considered I am what I what I am because you have helped elevate me. You are all they said I should not find, but none of them told me I would find love in you.
This piece was penned down by a writer who wishes to remain anonymous.
Have you experienced a love like this before? If yes, in as much as you were told that someone wasn’t good for you what lengths did you take to stay together? If no, how far are you willing to go for love?