I got this message from a friend on mine through WhatsApp. I thought I would share it here, it’s quite thought provoking.
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
‘What kind of man are you looking for?’
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in
the eye & asking, ‘Do you really want to know?’ Reluctantly, he said,
She began to expound,
‘As a woman in this day & age, I am in a
position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the
help of any man… or woman for that matter. I am in the position to
ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought & stated,
‘I am not referring to money. I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.
‘I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need
conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.
I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I
don’t need to be unequally yoked…believers mixed with unbelievers is
a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.
I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said,
‘You are asking for a lot.’
She replied, “I’m worth a lot”. Send this to every woman
who’s worth a lot…. and every man who has the brains to
Let’s talk about this piece; your thoughts ladies and gentleman!
P.S. I have no idea who wrote this please credit them if you do.
Miss Kupsy has been on my case for a baby sister since last year in January. I blame her friends. No actually, I blame the mothers. They are busy manufacturing little people and putting my little girl under unnecessary pressure. She now feels lonely because her friends have playmates and she is all alone.
I have a million reasons why I don’t want to have another baby yet though and some of the reasons may sound petty but are a really big deal for me. For one, I don’t have a car and trust me moving about with a child with public transport is a real nightmare and I would not want to go through that with two children! Until I buy myself a car having another baby is out of the question. I once wrote about not wanting to have another baby but I guess time does change your mind right; you can read more of my reasons from here.
However; I never thought about procreating until recently when I realised I am all she has. If I was to drop dead today who would be there for her. Yes, my family is there but what about a sibling she can call on when life happens? I am not getting any younger and it would be ideal to have her and her sibling with a reasonable age gap so that at least that would keep them close. (I can only hope)
After typing this out I realised that maybe just maybe I don’t want to have another baby after all. I relived my labour experience and it’s a done deal. It’s not happening. I really am not broody for real and I was just enjoying the idea of Miss Kupsy having a playmate but I am not willing to do it, no thank you. Somehow I thought if I wrote it down I would convince myself to try for another one but it didn’t work. She will be fine, I am going to make a lot of money and make sure she has a fulfilling life she will never want for a sibling. Labour is not a fun place to be! What was I even smoking??
In a thousand words, I will touch a potentially sensitive subject in modern day Zimbabwe. This subject is about, single mothers whom we as Zimbabwean society have called M1’s or M2’s. The 1 or 2 suffix being the number of children they have. M1 is basically mother of one, but in Zimbabwe it generally points only to single mothers. However, a married mother of one is not referred to by that label.
Once again our plastic republic has put these women in a category, so that they can treat them differently or judge them. Automatically if I were to have a relationship with an “M1’, my friends and family would discourage me from so doing and speak so much evils about the group. Family may dis-own me. Yes, we have seen this happen. The question is; are they really less worthy than single girls with no children? Do childless girls necessarily make better wives than single mothers? I ask because a lot of girls in modern Zimbabwe are already indulging in sex outside marriage, they just haven’t got pregnant yet. They might escape it before marriage too but many are also doing it. So, society is going to condemn the ones that made a mistake one-day and got pregnant?
In modern Zimbabwe, a girl not having a child is not consistent with her being decent and Holy. Having a child does not make her evil either. Have you ever thought that an “M1” you condemn so much has done less damage than the “K1”. What do I mean by “K1”? “K1”- is a term I am using to say “Killer Of One”. While society and families are dumping garbage talk on the strong queens that decided to keep their babies, despite their fathers bailing out, there are those that seem not to have children because they did abortions. So Mr. I Judge M1’s before you go around judging single mothers and feeling special about your girlfriend not having a child. I want to tell you that in modern Zimbabwe, there is a possibility of your girl having had an abortion at one time especially if you found her already sexually active. (I am not saying she had one either, but it’s possible)
So here’s scenario 1; Janet is having a sexual relationship with Jack, they conceive a baby. Jack doesn’t want in, he tells her to abort. She aborts the child, so by the time I meet Janet; she’s not an M1 to me. I have no idea what happened. Deep inside only she knows what happened. She doesn’t hope to do it again, but she could do it again.
Scenario 2: Alice is dating Jack, they conceive a baby. Jack doesn’t want in, he tells her to abort. She refuses to abort and Jack says he wants nothing to do with the baby or her. He says uncalculated cruel statements like, “Kana ariwangu murutse undipe,” (If the child is mine, vomit him/her and give me). She is hurt but keeps her baby. I meet that girl and think she has an amazing personality (you must have an amazing personality to keep your child in a judgmental society).
However society will not agree that she is amazing because she has a baby. Society will try and make me see Janet and say, “Why don’t you choose Janet instead? Do you not see that Alice is an M1?” The decision making is made harder for me now, because society is armed with daggers. There’s also a father out there whose child I have to carry the cross for. Let me say, to all those man, that have taken this load upon then, may there be increase in your daily work. To the men that refuse to sustain their own seed and further pressure our queens, if the law does not catch up with you, may you lose out on all the money you refuse to pay for the welfare of your child.
“Did you just curse them Michael?” Oh so someone is going to see the evil in my curse to them, but they do not see the evil in society making girls that kept their children feel unworthy?
I applaud all the women that are the mothers and fathers of their children but hang on, work hard and have changed their perspective of life. Except for a few single mothers, those are some of the most hardworking women I’ve known. The family throws piles or verbal rot onto them daily behind closed doors. They silently cry and wake up knowing no one else seems to love their children and only they can go out there to get bread for the children. They have drama with the father over taking care of his own child in some instances; they still take that torture, get up and work hard.
This plastic society pressures girls that are already pregnant, to opt for “K1”. She is going to pay an unethical doctor large sums of money with the aid of the father, who is not ashamed to perform this act. They destroy that child’s life. Now all the activists that support abortion, hide behind the “what if she was raped” excuse, yet the average abortion happening in Zimbabwe is a product of sex given by consent. No matter how many daggers society will stab you with for having that child out of wedlock don’t be pressured to take your child’s life. Life is at conception. The only proven way to escape the trouble is abstinence before marriage, which most of you ridicule. It holds no regrets though in this type of society.
If there is a single mother in your immediate community whom you have been holding judgmental daggers to, may that attitude change from henceforth. In fact go an extra mile in appreciating her to compensate for the life sentence she has been given by society and her own relatives. If you’re a man and you think she’s a good woman, regardless her past, marry her.
Let’s have this conversation on Twitter, follow me @Mcpotar
I am always on the look out for people who ooze positive energy. My first Woman Crush Wednesday this year is this beautiful soul; Tete Humba.
Some of the things that fire my soul include being creative and working with my hands; with that I can never go wrong. As long as I am making something, I am happy. It started off as a joke but the more I experimented the more I realised that that was my happy place. From headboards, to DIY beauty products, to wigs, to clothes, shoes, wall décor. I’ll make it all!
Coconut oil! I use it to moisturize; in my masks and to remove my makeup. It’s incorporated in everything. But bear in mind I have dry skin so that makes the perfect combo.
When it’s a part of God’s plan, it will happen. The Year 2016 was a very difficult year for me, and life threw its punches of all sorts. Life tried to get me down but God had His own idea and here I am.
My family. I cannot imagine life without them. They are my everything.
It’s finally the last day of January! It has been the longest month of my life!!! I could sit here and tell you all the things that didn’t go right for me this month but today I choose to look at the sunny side of things. I saw the idea of a gratitude jar on Twitter towards the end of last year and told myself I would definitely give it a try. The plan was to wait to use up the mayonnaise in my fridge and then use that as my gratitude jar but weeks later I haven’t even had any meal that needed mayonnaise so I am kind of screwed. The alternative plan is to keep pestering Kuda for one because he claims he has those in abundance. *He calls them salad jars*, but jar or not I still wrote down a few things that I am grateful for this month…
Today I am grateful for Miss Kupsy’s paternal Uncle. He came through for me when I least expected it. When the month started I wrote down a list of things Miss Kupsy needed and I didn’t have enough money to buy half the things on it. I just told myself it would work itself out somehow and I should not stress myself and guess what, just a few weeks later her uncle sent her some money and I managed to check through her list. He is an amazing human being and I always wish him well. He doesn’t have to but he is the one person who never forgets about her. I wish him nothing but beautiful things.
I finally got round to creating my Fitness Blog and started work on the 12th of January. I love all things Health & Fitness and I want to create a platform that will be your go-to-place when you need inspiration, recipes, a fitness event, advice and a workout that will challenge you. Please take a minute to read some of the work that I have managed to write up so far on fitnessbaeblog.wordpress.com I am happy that I am doing the things that work on my creativity. Everyday I have people asking me for tips and worry not, I take note and each month I will have an article directed to an individual that will help everyone else in the process.
A big thank you to Chenge for always hooking me up with life changing things. I still can’t believe the amount of information about natural hair I gathered and continue to gather thanks to the events she encouraged me to attend. We are both Bloggers and Creatives and if all things go well and we cook up what we have in mind, you guys will be blown away come June this year! She is a beautiful soul and I am grateful to have her in my life.
There is a new Talk Show Radio in town… Capitalkfm and guess who got to be the first voice for the #AppOfTheDayShow? Yours truly of course! I got to talk about my experience with WordPress and how convenient it has been for me for the 3 years I have been using it. Here’s hoping for more features, perhaps this time I will be talking about the next #RunWithFitnessBae challenge.
I got my first blog feature this year on ilizwi263.com I hope some one out there got to read it and got inspired to change their lifestyle.
The one thing I love about this Gratitude Jar idea is that you take time out of your day to focus on the good things. Do what you have to do to bring happiness into your own life, it begins with you after all.
Remember I said this is a monthly challenge for the year 2017 that I gave myself and yes the positive vibes keep coming. This month a few interesting things happened that reminded me how thankful I am for those around me and how much they have helped shape my life in ways they could never imagine. Here goes:
One of the very first things that happened in the month of February was a feature on Larry Kwirirayi’s website, 3mob. You can read my feature on here. It was a great way to start my month and I have a feeling this somehow influenced how more doors were opened for me.
We had our monthly running challenge in the fitness group and that week the hashtag was trending like crazy! It trended so much it ended up on Number 1 on the Twitter list. If you are a fitness enthusiast you should join my team and come run with us. Alternatively you can join in the fun through using the hashtag #RunWithFitnessBae and your runs will be visible on all my social media platforms.
I wrote about how Onai got in touch with me after noticing that my hashtag was trending and I got to feature on his podcast. He has a slot where he features popular Hashtags and DotComs and I got to be his guest feature. It was both nerve wrecking and exciting because it was my first time live on air so the butterflies were too real!
The one day my sister sent me an email with an advert from KidzCan. They were announcing their Cancer Awareness Walk and that sparked interest in me. You already know I am all about fitness and I wasted no time in getting in touch with the organisation to find out how we could take part. The walk went well and we managed to contribute 591 766 steps towards the cause. Things like this really make me happy. I am grateful that even though we all have busy schedules we still take time out to make a positive difference in the community.
DivasIncOnline got in touch with me on Twitter and asked me if I would like to feature on their next “Twitterview” and of course I said yes. It was an hour long do and after it was over I remember sending them a message asking them how they picked their candidates for their Twitterviews. Their response left me feeling all shades of happy, they said “We basically look at anyone who is doing anything noteworthy.” I am definitely doing something right!
I think the month of February should be dedicated to fitness actually because I just realised most of the things I am grateful for are fitness related. I hosted my first Fitness In The Park event and it went very well. One of the participants came all the way from Norton which is nearly 42kms out of Harare. A special thank you to Onai for keeping his word, he actually came through on the day and took part in all the activities. It was a great morning filled with skipping, running, fitness related discussions and plans for the next meet up.
My heart and mind are filled with happy thoughts. Never in my life have I been in this positive space. Each day I wake up and I have something to look forward to. I have no idea where it came from, but I pray it is here to stay. Everyone needs something that keeps them going. Life is too short to always be focused on negative things. Try the best you can to make each day count, I know I am doing that every waking moment.
Lastly, I am grateful for this bearded friend of mine called Kudzai. This guy is truly heaven sent and should be a Life Coach already! He is one human being who always has a positive attitude towards life and that shit is rubbing onto me every single day! He will push you to do your very best, open your mind to endless possibilities and share priceless information. I wish him all the beautiful things in life and I hope his hopes and dreams come true. Oh, I also hope he wins the Bear of The Year Award, he really is taking growing a beard to the next level.
March just flew past just like that? Like where was I when all this was happening?? It seems my life has become so busy; busy with good things though and that’s what makes it very beautiful. I have been making plans for different aspects of my life and so far things are looking up. There is something about making clear and specific goals that makes waking up everyday such an exciting event. You should try it sometime.
This month I am grateful for a lot of things but more than anything I am grateful for how things have changed between me and Miss Kupsy’s father. After I wrote an Open Letter to him all the negative energy I used to harbor was set free. If anything he makes an effort to spend time with his daughter, call her and just step up as and when he has to. I never thought I would ever write anything positive about him but he sure has proved me wrong. Perhaps people do change? Whatever the case is, I am grateful that my daughter now has her father in her life and she adores him to bits. I will not stand in the way of them nurturing a relationship, they need each other, I can’t do it all on my own.
That said, I am also grateful for music that soothes my soul. This is my song of the month and I have been playing it like it’s the only song on my playlist! Colour your life with love and laughter, it is too short to hold onto negativity especially given that we all don’t know when our last day on earth is. Each time I watch this song my mind goes to a happy place full of sunshine, endless waterfalls and laughter. I want to stay there forever. 🙂
Are you going to try out the Gratitude Jar?
If you already have one what are some of the lessons you have learnt from it?
Being a woman, Being a black woman, Being a black woman in Zimbabawe – MaKupsy 2017
Good morning my darlings, this is a post from last year that I feel needs to be read by anyone who missed it. Below, a Zimbabwean woman shared her story.
From the onset please note that this is an account of my experiences and does not in any way speak for all single mothers in Zimbabwe. I had my first baby at 16. I was still in school. I got pregnant again at 18 while I was doing my final year of High School “A level”. Don’t ask how…It’s a story for another day.
Life at School Amazingly I never faced any judgement or shaming. Maybe it was because I had left the school by the time I started showing. I started showing very late during the pregnancy and by then had been moved to a school closer to home. But even in the new school everyone was amazingly okay with it and I even went on to do my A Level with no hassle. So being in school as a single mum was not so bad.
Life in Church My family church is Anglican. They were not as accommodating; and for church people, looking back, I feel they were too judgemental. Since I was no longer a virgin, I did not qualify for Saint Agnes Guildnor did I qualify for Mothers’ Union because firstly I was too young, and secondly I was unmarried. But as I grew older, I still could not be part of the Mother’s Union because I was unmarried. Even getting my kids baptised was a hassle. They told me they can’t baptise kids whose fathers are “unknown”. You see, my baby daddies have never seen their kids hence I don’t include their names on the kids’ documentation. They are not even on the birth certificates. My kids finally got baptised at age 12 and 9 after one church elder, a woman; made so much noise about it and threatened to take the issue further up to the Bishop. But over ally, the church never accepted me after my teenage pregnancies. I have since stopped going to Anglican.
Life at home From the onset let me say God blessed me with two amazing parents who took my kids in and looked after them as if they were their own. But it was a different case for my mother and me. She never quite forgave me for the shame I brought on her by getting pregnant twice. I did the unforgivable in her eyes! Life at home was bed of nails. I became the proverbial slut. After all, according to my mother; the reason none of the guys married me was most probably because I was a slut. It had to be my fault. It never occurred to her that maybe it was just them who failed to man up. As a result anything that went wrong in the home was my fault. If she needed someone to lash out at, that was me. My own sister was warned to keep her husband away from me lest I try and snatch him from her. At the worst of times I was accused of sleeping with my father. You see, he is a very forgiving man who will not continuously punch you for one transgression. He believes in moving on. My mother never understood why he never chased me away from home as is expected by society. She never understood why he still enjoyed spending time with me watching soccer, generally spending father daughter quality time puzzled her after all the shame I had caused. She never accepted that he would continue to treat me the same way he treated my siblings despite all I had done to the family name. As a result she felt my father was looking at me as a ‘woman’ not as his daughter and because I was loose, I was hell bent on sleeping with her man too. The day she made her feelings known was the first time I moved out of home with my children. For the record, my father never acted inappropriately towards me ever. After moving out, she was on my case to comeback since the same society was judging her about my leaving home. I went back, I was still in Varsity. But the emotional and verbal torture would only get worse as I got older. I would always be reminded of how much of an inconvenience I was to my family. The upside of all this you may ask? It pushed me to work very hard and make a life for my kids and me. Though my older daughter is currently undergoing therapy to undo the damage caused by hearing and witnessing everything I suffered in my own mother’s house. The list is endless, I could write a whole book about my experience at home as a single mother. It was pure hell on earth.
Life among society in general I am grateful for my few true friends. They’ve kept me sane throughout the years. As for dating, it was hard to find a man who would take me seriously. The moment they hear single mother, they think you are easy, just to be taken for a ride and have no feelings whatsoever. They are mostly married men by the way. As for the single guys; they would not touch me with a ten foot pole! Extended family would throw a fit if their husbands came anywhere near me. My sister didn’t like the idea of her husband and me getting close. Then there were those who would label me without even knowing me. I was accepted by only a few members of society Fast forward to today >>> I currently live in South Africa with my daughters. I feel at home because no one ever judged me on the basis of being a single mother. I am currently engaged to a single guy who has no kids. Imagine that! Who would have thought my story would have a happy ending? I have finally found a place were no snide remarks will be made after I’m asked “So where is your husband”? And I say I don’t have one with confidence and no need to explain my circumstances. I can truly comfortably be me!
Conclusion Zimbabwe is still a long way from being a good place for single mothers. We get called all sorts of names and M1 (Mother Of One) has to be the worst term ever to come up with. I wish our society could progress beyond all that judgment and realize that just because someone is a mother, has children and not married it does not make her any less of a woman.
I would like to say a big thank you to the beautiful woman who shared this story with me. This story reminds me that us single parents should not despair, there is hope for a beautiful future ahead.
Hello my lovings, I hope this finds you well. The past few days have been the best! Who doesn’t enjoy staying in and doing nothing but relaxing, watching TV, cooking, having one too many glasses of Vodka and taking in every part of the festive season? I sure do and I am still in that zone until sometime next week when my happy bubble is burst thanks to getting back to being a responsible adult!
I am writing this post to remind myself of the beautiful things that happened this year despite the different challenges I faced along the way.
One of the many things I thorougly enjoy doing is travelling. It’s a pity I don’t have bags and bags of money(yet) but when I do trust me this hobby of mine will be in full swing. This year I travelled to Sanganai Creek, Mazvikadei, Kariba for the first time and Cape Town for the second time. All destinations were a lot of fun but nothing can ever beat the Cape Town experience so far. I want to travel some more next year but this time maybe concentrate more on local travel and post pictures with a #VisitZimbabwe hashtag more often. I realised that sometimes we spend so much money visiting foreign destinations and yet we have never been to the ones right here at home. The reason I love travel is it gives me a break from everyday responsibilities. That time out is really important and I get to recharge. I know for a fact that before my current passport expires I should have travelled out of Africa, facts only!
Fitness Bae is my “Cyber Name” and it sits right with my fitness addiction. I am a lover of all things fitness related and when I started my fitness journey in 2014 I did it all by myself. I had just the help of the internet and my personal motivation to keep me going. However, through reading Twitter messages from people I interact with I realised that there was need for me to create something that involved other people to spice up the journey. 3 months ago I created a WhatsApp group and titled it #RunWithFitnessBae because running is the workout I am constant with and the one that mainly helped me lose weight. I noticed that a number of people around me also liked running so I thought why not get everyone in one place and from a group that started of with 30 members we are now up to 80! Feel free to join the team on Facebook and hit the like button and get to see what we get up to weekly if you are not a fan of WhatsApp. The more the merrier.
If you follow me on Twitter you know that I am a big fan of the One Fusion package by NetOne Cellular. The reason I keep hyping them on my timeline is because since I joined their network I have had zero headaches and my airtime does not disappear into thin air. I made sure that my whole family is on this network so now communication is a lot easier and reasonably priced too! I don’t feel like I am being robbed in broad daylight. Sometime last week I got a message from them telling me how awesome I had been throughout the year and they sent me free airtime. Like how cool is that? It came at the right time though because I was seriously broke and I was probably going to get airtime after a whole week after my package expired.
I have what I would like to believe to be a very unhealhty crush on Freeman. I love his music and how he dresses up so this year my plan was to get a selfie with him. I didn’t know the when and the where it was going to happen but I knew it was going to happen either way. Does this make me a stalker? LOL. We will never know. I really like his music and I can sing along to most of them so you can imagine just how ecstatic I was when I got to watch him perfom live for the first time. I was in the VIP and over the moon taking videos like a crazy woman. Hahaha. Anyways, you guys will never understand my crushing ways and its okay but trust me this incident really made my year!
My daughter turned 5 this year. How time flies!! Each time I look at her I still see the little baby girl I gave birth to but she is grown now and an independent little diva. She has been on my case about wanting a baby sister and just the other day she asked me what we would name her baby sister. If only she knew that chances of that happening in this lifetime are close to none. Well, maybe sometime in the next few years but I can’t really promise. She is the light of my life and I think life would have been pretty strange without her. She carries my heart around and there is not a waking moment that passes without me thinking about her. She always tells me that she wants to be a ballerina when she grows up and she also loves her swimming (read as jumping in and out of water) and it’s one of her favourite little hobbies. Put simply this means I have to work extra hard to give her the beautiful life she deserves!
The year wasn’t so bad after all hey. I could write a whole list of all the other things that went wrong but today I will focus on the positive things only. I pray for a more fruitful year ahead and I will continue to work hard towards my goasl and aspirations.
Have a fabulous year ahead and continue to do the things that fire your soul 🙂