Day 27: The Joys of Singledom

After asking a few people they told me they have never been single in their life, like ever.  They have jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just be on their own.  I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention.  The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post.  So what is being single?  Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

I’m a mother and dating can be one heck of a tricky scenario because it’s no longer about what I want anymore.  I make decisions on who I will date depending on whether they will be good for my daughter or not.  I’m still working on that formula but trust me my intuition is never wrong when it comes to deciding on who to and who not to introduce to her.  Whoever I choose to be with has to be someone I can count on and be supportive especially emotionally supportive when I’m going through the most.  A bonus is someone who can develop a relationship with my daughter naturally.  When I feel confident that this is someone who will be around for a long time then I can gladly introduce them to her.  That said…

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photo credit from my Twitter tweind @monakadurira

I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single.  But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism.  That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.

So; about that single life.  You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked.  (doing who you please is also very much an option)  You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance.  For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single.  The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how.  That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some.  You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) Whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with!

The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active.  You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body.  Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating??  That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!

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Image from Google

Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship.  You learn the art of dating yourself.  You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.

Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:

Blog Reader 1
  • You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
  • Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
  • I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
  • Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past.  Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
  • You get to spend all your money alone.
  • You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
  • You don’t have curfews.
  • You have more money to spend on beer.

(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)

Blog Reader 3
  • You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
  • Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
  • I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
  • I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.

So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way.  If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…

You can also check out some dating blog posts from the following:

Dating While Parenting  by The Quarter Wife

Let’s talk about your dating journey, are you single or ready to mingle?

©MaKupsy 2017

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Day 24: I Came, I Saw, I Captured

“For my birthday I want a photo-shoot, a piano and a baby sister.”

Talk about a little person who know’s exactly what she wants!  That was my daughter Miss Kupsy telling me her birthday requests a few weeks ago.  I just smiled and thought this child is from another planet.  Where in the world will I get a baby sister from at such short notice?  I reminded her that she had a brother but she quickly pointed out that she wanted a sister NOT a brother.

I make sure each of her birthdays are memorable and this time around her photo-shoot wish came true.  The photographer was convinced she had gone for a photo-shoot before but I confirmed that it was definitely her first time.  We had a lot of fun.  It ended up being a mother-daughter shoot but the highlight was on her.  She got over 100 photos taken!

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Miss Kupsy 🙂

Who: Timeless Photos

What: Focusing on weddings, commercial projects, corporate events and studio photography.

Where: 66 Nelson Mandela Ave, 1st Floor, Strachans Building, Harare

Price: $15 for 15 minutes, $25 for 30 minutes and $50 for one hour (studio photographs) where you only get soft copies transferred to your memory stick.  For more information on their price guides feel free to get in touch with them on their Facebook Page.

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Miss Kupsy’s 6th Birthday

I chose the package for 15 minutes which also comes with two printed copies.  Timeless Photos provides pretty temporary picture frames and they have more durable ones they sell for $5.  The whole experience cost us $30 and I left a happy woman because I still had more birthday treats lined up for Miss Kupsy.  A friend of mine sent her money to buy her a toy piano.  Being a child is certainly the best time of your life!  No one sends me money on my birthday.  I’m still to buy the piano for her the ones I see when I shop around aren’t durable.  I’m one person who believes that you have to buy the best from the beginning.

If you are working on a budget then I highly recommend you try out Timeless Photos.  I’m definitely going back before the year ends to get some pictures taken for my fitness brand.

There are also some very good photographers in the country.  They are doing amazing things.  Their work is all over social media and you should certainly get in touch with them to get some work done.  Don’t say I didn’t give you the hook up!

Kennedy Famba : @KennedyFamba (Twitter)

Tino Nyandoro: @TinoNyandoro (Twitter)

KB Mpofu: @KBMpofu (Twitter)

Who are some of the best photographers in your country?  Have you been for a photo-shoot before?  What was your experience like?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Day 18: Sex Education

Sex posts are one of my favourite things to blog about but today I won’t take you on an erotica journey, sadly for you.  Today’s challenge requires us to write about sex on the first date but I’m taking this opportunity to reshare a post I wrote 2 years ago.  Let’s talk sex education.  Are you taking steps in educating your children about sex or you are hoping they will remain virgins till the world comes to an end?  Remember you are responsible for how they perceive a lot of things, sex included, don’t wait for someone else to feed them with false information.  Today’s read will take you less than 10 minutes to enjoy, grab some popcorn it’s about to get real!

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Image from Google

You know that talk a child gets just before they enter their adolescent stage?  Well, I got that talk, the only difference was that mine was a very scary version.  You see, in our culture back then most parents were not very comfortable talking about sex with their children.  That job was left to the aunt but with people moving far and wide in the end your mother was left to do all the work and boy did she do a shoddy job of it.  In order to stop me from indulging in any sex her plan was to tell me stories that would stop me from even dreaming about having sex. (they worked for a while though)  I remember the day my mother sat me down to tell me how I should not have sex before I was married.  Mind you she didn’t even use the word sex; I am still to remember what term she used but I just concluded she meant sex.  She told me that if I got too close to a boy or even let him touch any part of my body her back would break.  THE HORROR!!  I didn’t even date anyone during my teen years because I was obviously scared shitless.  Why would I want a boy anywhere near me?  So that my mother’s back breaks??  That was definitely going to happen on my watch, I love my mother too much to cause her any harm!

And so I sailed through my teen years until one day a boy I fancied started writing me letters.  I was obviously excited and kept this my little secret.  I remember going for a walk with him one afternoon and then before we said goodbye he kissed me!  OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!  I was terrified!  I ran all the way home, locked myself in the bathroom and kept looking in the mirror to check if my parents would be able to tell if I had been kissed.  I was miserable for the rest of the day and when they came back from work I acted normal but my heart was pounding so hard I felt like it was going to jump right out of my throat.  The next morning and the weeks to come I woke up worried thinking my mother’s back would surely break after that kiss!  But of course nothing happened and years later I started dating, I even had sex (protected of course) and no one’s back ever broke, like ever!

I had to learn about sex through school mates and talks the women who would occasionally come to school and talk about not allowing anyone to touch your body.  They didn’t actually say anything about safe sex or contraceptives and the whole shebang.  And so I had to read about most of the things in books and or overhear my sisters talk about condoms then I figured that’s what you were supposed to use.  To be honest that was the only form of contraceptive I knew of; that and abstaining.  I still feel that my mother could have done a better job of informing me about sex and not have me wonder and seek answers from outside sources.  She did a very good job of letting me think that sex was a very bad thing not to be talked about, had or enjoyed because something terrible would happen to you.  At the same time I don’t blame her because she grew up in a time where such talks were unheard of.

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Image from Google

I asked a few friends around me to tell me how their “birds and the bees” talk when they were younger and this is the feedback I got:

“Ahh, I don’t remember being told anything by my mum.  She just told me no boys before finishing school.”

“She gave me the finer details about sex when I was around 16.  Even told me how people have sex so that little boys wouldn’t trick me with the don’t worry it isn’t sex line.”

“She never said anything.”

“I had sex figured out from my teacher.”

“We never had the talk she just said if you get pregnant don’t ever come back home.”

“Stay away from sex because you will get pregnant!  If a boy tells you he loves you run for your life!”

I am happy and sad at the same time with this kind of feedback.  Happy because it shows that I wasn’t alone in being told ridiculous things in the name of no sex before your time.  Sad because we were not given enough information about what sex really was even though we were still too young to understand it.  At least one person out of all my friends actually got to know what sex was the rest of us have to figure it out by ourselves!

When my daughter gets to adolescent stage I will sit down with her and we will have an honest and open talk about sex and not hide anything from her so that she knows how to protect herself and be aware of the on goings of her body.  I won’t scare her or tell her any lies because I want her to know she can come to me and talk about anything at anytime.

A fellow Blogger www.conscious2conscience.wordpress.com taking part in the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge shared these sentiments;

Media will have us telling our kids too much too soon but I’m a firm believer in things being age appropriate and in parenting instincts.  When your child asks you what sex is ask them what they already know, ask why they want to know, and then take it from there.

What was your first sex talk like?  Who told you about the ins and outs of sex?

©MaKupsy 2017

Bulawayo UnPlugged

UnPlugged Zimbabwe decided to branch out to Bulawayo because they are amining to build a national brand. How often Unplugged goes to Bulawayo will depend entirely on the take up. If the people of Bulawayo come out and have a great time, UnPlugged will definitely look into making it a regular fixture, similar to Harare.

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CalVin

I caught up with the energetic and charismatic CalVin who was one of the main acts of the Bulawayo UnPlugged event held last month and here is what he shared with me.

Which genre does your music fall under?

My music falls under Hip Hop and Jazz.  I’m currently experimenting with Jazz so I’m a rapper who vocalises, you could say I’m Jazzy Hip Hop.

What are your favourite songs and which ones are your fans favourites?

My personal favourite songs are: King, My Life and Uthando
My fans like: Zkhuphan, Jeki and Bebengakholwa

What inspired you to pursue music?

Music is something that I grew into.  It’s something my cousins were seriously into and I caught up with that fire and I ran with it ever since I was 10 years old.

How long have you been singing?

I’ve been rapping since 1996 so that makes it 21 years of singing.  The first time I recorded something commercially was in 2003.  I can safely say I have been a commercial artist for 14 years now.

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CalVin

Top 3 things that people don’t know about you?

  1. I love comedy.
  2. I enjoy watching soccer.  I’m a Highlanders Football Club and Manchester United Football Club supporter.
  3. I don’t write my music I just freestyle my way through it.

What did you like about UnPlugged Bulawayo?

I liked the vibe that UnPlugged has.  The chilled out vibe is something you want to continue to experience.  It’s a family oriented event.  People came through with their drinks, food and their kids as well.  It was properly organised, the sound system was on point and the money was good too!

What was your experience performing at UnPlugged Bulawayo?

I enjoyed my performance.  I loved the vibe people threw back at me.  I actually took the opportunity to perform one of my Jazz songs and I did well, the crowd loved it!

Any precious gems to drop for those who want to pursue music?

If you want to pursue a career in music the first thing you need to know is that it is going to eat up most of your time.  It will demand your full attention, your money, your energy, your everything actually!  People always think it’s just about coming through to the studio and recording a song.  It doesn’t go down like that, you have to put in the work if you want to shine through a world full of artists.  We don’t want any lazy artists in the game waiting for handouts, come into the music industry knowing that you are here to work!

 You can follow CalVin on his social media platforms to stay in touch with his musical journey on;

Instagram: @iamcal_vin

Twitter: @IamCal_Vin

Facebook: @Cal Vin

Website: www.cal-vin.com

Don’t forget to mark your calendar for Sunday 1 October 2017 for another blanket, wine and music affair at UnPlugged Zimbabwe, see you at Wingate Hararians! 

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 17: When In Doubt, Eat Sadza!

Growing up I don’t remember a time when we didn’t have sadza included in our meals.  It was an all day everyday kind of meal.  Back then the only time you had rice or any other starch for that was on special occasions namely Christmas.  We all looked forward to this time of the year because rice, chicken and coleslaw salad would be served and we would dive in and enjoy every bite of it.  Not only did we get to enjoy fancy food but we also got to show off our Christmas clothes to all our friends in the neighbourhood.  On some Christmas’s the rains would come pouring down and we would be stuck indoors and have no opportunity to display our latest gifts.  Sigh

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Sadza, grilled pork chop, vegetables, thick tomato and onion soup + Glass of Mazoe Cream Soda for control! Photo Credit: @MsSmileSoBright (Twitter)

My mother taught me how to prepare sadza at around age 10 and I didn’t like it at all.  That meant an additional thing to do on top of my already long list of chores.  (I hate doing housework).  Thankfully I mastered the art and in no time I was preparing a mean plate of sadza.  Sadza is our staple food in Zimbabwe and the one time you know you can’t live without it is when you travel and you have to live on hotel food…you will miss sadza in ways you can’t even fully fathom.

The reasons why I love sadza aplenty!

  • You can have sadza for breakfast
  • You can have sadza for lunch
  • You can have sadza for supper
  • You can have sadza a few hours before going out for drinks to “cement” your stomach so that you don’t throw up
  • You can have sadza to cure a hangover
  • You don’t need any fancy cutlery to enjoy it, your hands will do all the work
  • You can enjoy a plate of sadza with almost anything from beef stew, chicken, mushrooms, green vegetables, madora (mopani worms), kapenta, sour milk…I could go on forever!  It’s one of the most versatile foods I know.

Here’s a recipe on how to prepare sadza that I extracted from ZimboKitchen:

  1. Put mealie-meal in pot. Add cold water to make a paste. Put pot on stove and add boiling water whilst stirring simultaneously.
  2. Keep stirring until rakukwata (it’s boiling). Cover pot, reduce heat and let it simmer for 15 minutes.
  3. After 15 minutes, add more mealie-meal bit by bit and as we say it in our vernacular, mona sadza(mix). Be sure to do it well. When it’s just about to reach the consistency you want, cover it rishinyire(loosely translated- let is simmer) for 5 minutes. Your sadza is ready. Serve with your preferred relish.

 

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Photo Credit @MsSmileSoBright (Twitter)

There you have it.  The staple food in our family.  Now that I stay alone the staple food in my house is anything that cooks fast because I don’t have time to be slaving in the kitchen all day!

What’s the staple meal in your family?  How often do you eat it?  Please share a picture or a recipe, I would love to try out something different.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Day 5: Ready For Retirement(Financially)? Me Neither!

I have been thinking of ways to start saving money towards my retirement for nearly 5 years now with absolutely no luck.  Each time I try and save a dollar or two something comes up and I have to use that money.  Saving is hard especially in our current economy where most people, me included are living from hand to mouth.  If I am to be very honest with myself with the way things are looking right now chances of having my parents let alone myself in my retirement plans are bleak!  Let’s talk about the past, the present and the future of retirement and see where your thoughts fall in.

Many decades ago most parents in Africa where having children by the dozens.  If you ask most people they will tell you their parents had 12 or more siblings.  Back then most parents believed that the more children they had the better chances of having someone take care of them when they grew old.  It seems life was more affordable in those times and everyone managed to go to school and get an education, land a job and start their own life.  Some did take care of their parents, others chose to drop out of school and do odd jobs while others stayed at home and never really did make anything of themselves.  I suppose having a bunch of children was the hope that at least one of them would do well and never forget his or her parents back home and therefore that child became their retirement plan.  I wonder what the plan was if none of their children came through…

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In present time most Africans are not educated on making plans for retirement.  Most people don’t believe in forecasting and live each day as it comes.  A great example is how most Zimbabweans rarely buy advanced tickets because “We don’t know what might come up (insert what if I die or something happens to me) and end up not going”.   I was saying…the plan most people know is to go to school, get a job, rent in a nice apartment, buy a car, work, work, work then die.  Not many people will tell you about saving for a holiday, saving to buy a house, saving to pay lobola, saving for a rainy day, saving to surprise their parents or siblings with something nice, saving for their child’s college or even saving to spoil themselves at some point…the list is endless.  I know that part of the reason this doesn’t happen is because people genuinely don’t have the means to do so.  I will be honest, I only manage to save for a rainy day and for my daughters education and it leaves me feeling like I am failing at life.  It’s tough; you have to make A LOT of sacrifices.  I want to do so much for myself and my parents but each day it seems a lot of things are out of reach.  I believe if you work hard and apply yourself things will work out and that is why I am working hard towards growing my Fitness Brand so that years from today I will have enough money to take care of all my needs.  I do not want to be a burden to my daughter but have my life sorted out till the day I die.  I want to be that cool grandmother who spoils her grandchildren rotten, lives in a beautiful comfortable home in Nyanga, drives a pretty vintage car and when she’s around everyone knows a lot of great stories will be told about the adventure filled life she lived.

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I strongly believe that we should teach our children the importance of planning and dreaming big.  The earlier you start letting them in on it the better.  Teach your child to let their imagination run wild.  Let them think of ideas of how they can make extra income from the pocket money you already give them.  They can come up with selling muffins, lemonade, selling woolen hats or gloves that they would have knitted themselves.   Whatever skill they come up with that will give them extra income should be a starting point for you to then teach them that money should be saved for the future and relying on one form of income will surely send you to an early grave unless you land a very well paying job.  However, life is to be lived!  Live a little, save, enjoy the finer things in life and then get back to business.  I am one parent who will drill this into my daughter’s head because I know she will hopefully grow up and know that she has to make plans for her future if she wants it to be comfortable.

After all is said and done.  As it stands, asking me today, right here and right now, I can safely say that my parents are not in my retirement plan.  Luckily for them they planned their life to a tee and are enjoying staying at home and not having to work or ask anyone for money.  I have a long way to go because I still need to buy myself a car, a house, travel, take my daughter through school, make some investments, establish my fitness business…I want to get to retirement age knowing that I have income from my savings, pension, investments, from the houses I will buy and I do not want donations from my daughter to be one of those streams of income.  She will have a life too and will have her own plans.  As and when I can I will spoil my parents and that ladies and gentleman is my truth.

Here are some tips you can try out to get financially fit:

  • First things first, why do you want to be financially fit? Ask yourself that and then you have a starting point.  This will be your driving force, your motivation, your inspiration.
  • You need a routine of sort. Do you have a budget?  If not you have to get one today, that way you can track your spending habits and cut out unnecessary expenses that are stopping you from saving.
  • Be accountable to someone or if you’re like me to yourself. Write down your financial goals so that you are constantly referring to them to see if you are making progress.
  • No one but you can push you to be savvy with your money. Make a plan to find additional streams of income so that saving becomes a reality.
  • Set small measurable goals. For example you can start with clearing that clothing account and stick to buying with cash only!  When that happens then move on to the next goal and before you know it you are doing great at being financially fit!
  • RESEARCH!  I can not stress this enough.  There are entire books on the subject as well as many varying ways to invest your money, big or small.  Like everything else in life the more you read the more informed you become.

Making money is good, keeping money is great! 

Do you have your parents included in your retirement plans?  Have you tried any of the tips to get financially fit?  I would love to hear from you and also get additional tips on how we can work towards being financially sound!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

Day 4: How Not To Mess Up A First Date

Your first date has to be one of the most nerve wrecking experiences when you are getting to know someone.  It’s all fun and games when you are messaging each other and talking over the phone here and there; but when it comes to the big day of the first date you need to get yourself in check incase your first date might end up being your last date.  You know I always have the hook up when it comes to all things juicy, so have a look-see below and read on tips on how not to mess up a first date from me and my good friend Tomukudza(Man Crush Everyday! He is always dressed to the nines you should totally check out his profile).  

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Photo Credit @tinonyandoro and @kayolicious (Twitter)

Dear Men;

  1. Be different.  Be bold!  Us women are tired of dinner dates, it’s 2017, so many exciting opportunities are out there to spend some one on one time together.  Nothing against dinner if that’s your kind of thing but at least try to think outside the box, you want your first date to make a lasting impression.
  2. Plan ahead.  You have obviously been talking about where you will probably go for your first date.  Make sure you go there beforehand and find out a few things about the place.  For example, if you have decided to go for a coffee date when you get there find out what’s on the menu, how much the food costs, the payment methods available, where the bathroom is, best time to come through.  Basically do your homework so that when you get there with your date you look organised and confident. That’s already a plus for you!
  3. Dress to impress.  Okay fine, not like you are going for some photo shoot of sort but look decent, iron your clothes, make sure they are clean, cut your nails, clean your shoes.  Just don’t show up looking like you just got out of bed.
  4. Be on time.  Nothing as unattractive as a guy who can’t keep time.  If anything happens to delay you please have the decency to call and let your date know you are running late.
  5. Talk about how much money you have, how many cars you own, how many businesses you run.  That is a sure way to lose a woman’s interest.  Are you trying to buy my love?
  6. Get off the phone.  Even though we live in a digitally active time when you are on a date, especially your first date it’s very important that you don’t fiddle with your phone and not pay attention to your date.  It’s best to put it on silent and pack it away in your pocket.  You can thank me later.
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image from Pinterest

Dear Ladies; (Tomukudza)

  1. Say something…no one wants to make time for someone who doesn’t talk.  The idea is to have conversation and you should make sure you take part in it.  A guy might be put off if he’s the only one doing all the talking.
  2. A woman who asks for money on a first date. Like please, that’s a total No No. You don’t want a guy going back home preoccupied about whether he’s getting himself a partner or a dependent.
  3. Don’t make everything about yourself. Have time to talk. Have time to listen. Like actually listen. The small things matter. Just as you expect a guy to take things you say about yourself seriously; also take time to hear what he says about himself seriously. If he says he loves football he means it. Don’t ridicule it because you can’t relate.
  4. Let there be no disconnect between the impression you have given of yourself via messaging and what you actually turn out to be. If a guy is expecting Sarah and what he meets turns out to be Rudo you may never see him again😂   Let me emphasise on this…Make up and filters. Don’t send him Beyonce like pictures and turn out to be…not so Beyonce.
  5. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not, it will cost you in the long run.  For example, before you meet you’re say “I love the outdoors or I like this type of food trying to live up to certain standards and turn out not to actually enjoy those things and not be the person you said you were.
  6. Please smell nice. Bad breath. Bad smells.  A BIG NO. Shave your armpits if you’re going to be wearing something revealing.   This is why it’s important to be on time. You don’t want to arrive all sweaty and breathless.

There you have it, the 12 tips that will definitely help you not to mess up your first date!  Whatever you do make sure you have fun, after all you are trying to get to know each other.  That means the TWO of you.  Not your brothers, sisters, aunts, don’t bring anyone else other than yourself on your first date!

The #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge continues and you can check out some of today’s posts from the African Bloggers taking part:

Any tips to share?  Any fun stories to tell about your first date experiences?  Let’s talk about it in the comments section.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Day 3: My Totem; MaDube

I absolutely looooove being a MaDube.  My totem is a zebra.  The females who bear this totem are titled MaDube.  The men who bear our totem are titled Samaita or Tembo.  I would never trade my totem for any other.  What is a totem?

A totem is a natural object or animal that is believed by a particular society to have spiritual significance and that is adopted by it as an emblem.

To be honest, I don’t have much information on the subject of totems so I will share the little bits I know.  The last time I had to do this was way back in junior school when we were tasked to find out what our totems were and write up how the totem was “praised”.  In our culture, we use totems as a form of identifying each other.  For example, take a couple trying to get to know each other, one of the first few questions they ask is, “What’s your totem?”.  Unfortunately if you bear the same totem chances are you can’t date because you will be “related”.  (There goes the love of your life.)  

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Zebra

Totems are used at different occasions:

  • For greetings; Mamukasei MaDube? (Good morning MaDube)
  • For praises when you excel at something.  For example after you have cooked a meal for your family they will thank you using your totem.  Maita basa MaDube. (Thank you MaDube)
  • When you do a great deed, for example, taking care of your siblings school fees for the term. Maita basa Tembo mugare kure nemoto. (Thank you Tembo may you be protected and not fall into misfortune.)
  • When you give your partner some mind blowing sex it takes them to another planet and back.  After such an incredible experience your partner will thank you using praises of your totem. (Maita Tembo zvirambe zvakadaro) loosely translated to; Thank you Tembo may you continue to do the things that need to be done!

Fun Facts about MaDube

  1. They are short tempered.  Trust me, I know, I’m a MaDube.
  2. They are known for being the best lay ever!  (I wouldn’t know though, I’m a virgin)
  3. Zebras have very nice legs, no lies at all.  Take another look at the picture above, then refer to the one at the bottom for confirmation.  They have strong, toned and beautiful legs and so it is only natural that those who bear the totem are blessed in that department.
  4. If you are a MaDube feel free to add more fun facts…I’m all out.
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MaDube

That said, this blogging challenge has gotten the best of me and it’s only day 3.  Today was a tough day and I nearly didn’t blog but I remembered that I am NOT a quitter and besides I initiated this challenge, who goes around letting people down like that?

If you have a totem do tell me about it.  If you are a MaDube like me what are some of the things you have heard about our totem that you can completely relate to?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 2: Top 10 African Home Rules

It’s a beautiful morning, Saturday is the best day of the week I kid you not!  (now that I have my own place).  Back when I was still staying with my parents sleeping in on a Saturday morning was something you watched on TV and the moment I got my freedom I made sure that waking up at whatever time my heart desired would be a top priority.  Let me share some of the rules from way back when which were drilled into my head.  My parents didn’t have to tell me twice, I was scared to find out what would happen to me if I chose to disobey them!

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image from Pinterest

  1. No sitting on dad’s sofa.  My dad had a specific sofa he liked and even in his absence you were not allowed to sit there.
  2. No going to play outside the gate.  The gate was ALWAYS locked and you only left when you had to go to the shops to buy bread or to go school.
  3. No singing or talking during meal times.
  4. No leaving your food unfinished.  Whatever your mother dished out for you had to be cleared, no matter how sick you claimed to be.  The whole “I don’t like eating this” didn’t exist in our home.  You ate EVERYTHING.
  5. No watching TV after 8pm.
  6. No bringing anything that does not belong to you, it could be a simple pen, believe me the very next day you would have to take it back.
  7. No going for parties that start at night.  No hosting parties either! I remember being told I couldn’t attend a friends party and yet she was just 3 houses away, I was gutted!
  8. No waking up late, I was usually up to help with cleaning the house by 5:30am and if I attempted to sleep any further my mother would come to my room and start singing or looking for something in my drawers or open my curtains and windows because “basa mangwanani” – you should start house chores early in the day.  I guess this explains why I am a morning person.
  9. No locking of bedroom doors.  There were to be no “privacy” as long as I was staying under my parents roof.  My dad used to read my letters when they came through the post!
  10. Everyone had to be home by 6pm.  To this day even when I visit I don’t even go anywhere after 6pm, it’s a long standing rule.

Just from reading my own list I realise growing up was hard man.  Who does that?  I could actually go on and list more rules but this list made me realise some of those rules helped mold me to be the person I am today.  I guess my parents meant well and wanted to inform some form of discipline and order.

Right now I have my cup of tea right next to me and a plate of fruit, I know if my mother knew I was eating in bed she would throw a fit!

What are the rules that you grew up strongly abiding by? Let’s share some them in the comments section, I would like to believe no one can beat my list!

#30DayAfriBlogger Challenge

©MaKupsy 2017

Women Need Help Too!

I have a serious bone to chew with whoever comes up with some of these things.  Don’t get me wrong I am all for taking care of your other half but lately I have been wondering.  Who takes care of the woman once a couple gets married?  Our culture expects the woman to bend and break for her husband.  From cooking, cleaning, making sure the house is in order, being intimate with him as many times as she can take it, taking care of the children, showing up for funerals, family functions, taking in in-laws…the list is endless.  In all this you are bound to ask yourself what the man will be doing in this equation.  The answer is easy really.  He will be sitting in front of the TV watching who knows what and relaxing all day long.  Basically the man does nothing.  Before you get all worked up it’s obvious its not ALL MEN who are like that, but in our culture most men are.

I am going to keep this post as short as possible so that it doesn’t turn into a man bashing rant.  What I would like to know is who is taking care of the woman in all this?  After a long days work she is expected to get home, prepare supper, make sure the children have done their homework and a whole list of other things married people do.  Would it kill the husband to actually cook once in a while if he got home before the wife?  If he isn’t much of a cook maybe pile up the dishes nicely, boil the meat, chops onions and tomatoes (do something) so that when the wife gets home she can start from somewhere and not feel like a slave who has to wait hand and foot for her husband.  Maybe my way of thinking is crazy but it would make the world a better place if people worked as a team.  Heck, women get tired too they are not energizer bunnies who just keep going and going.

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Image from Google

I know a man who is reading this and saying to himself “But I pay all the bills around the house and she doesn’t have to worry about the financial side of things”  Well yes, thank you for doing a great job mister, but it’s not always about the money.  It’s about the small things that make a woman feel a whole lot more appreciated for everything she does.

Our culture has a long way to go…  If by any chance a man is seen by his friends or relatives helping around the house (there are very few of these by the way) he is considered weak and chances are his wife fed him a love potion so that he can do as she pleases with him.  Wrong thinking right there.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing tasks.  It actually makes for a better home and chances of getting more sex because “I am tired” won’t be featuring in the wife’s’ list of excuses.

Teamwork people teamwork!

But then again, I’m not married, what would I know about the ins and outs of a marriage?  It wouldn’t hurt to consider it though, I am sure your wife would be happy to see you do something to make tasks around the house a little easier.

What are your honest thoughts on this subject?  I know not everyone will agree with my line of thinking so I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017