One of the main reasons I started blogging was because of a guy. I had caught feelings so bad I thought they were going to suffocate me in my sleep and I would die without him ever knowing it. Fast forward to a few months after posting that blog we started dating. Please note he had not seen that post because it was the only post I had made so thankfully nature took its natural course.
However, this was going to be a long distance relationship. He worked out of the country and he would only come home twice a year. We spoke about the challenges we would face where distance was concerned and given that he worked on a cruise ship it meant that the greater part of the time I would not get to speak to him over the phone because most times he would be at sea. When you are in love you think everything will be a walk in the park. We made promises to each other before he left and everything was bliss.
The first few weeks were manageable. We got to communicate through WhatsApp every other day and each time I saw his name pop up on my screen my face would light up. I was at that point I would get upset if anyone else tried to send me a message because I only wanted to hear from him.
Weeks turned into months and communication was getting less and less because he had to work. At first I played the understanding girlfriend, after all I already knew what I had signed myself up for beforehand. I kept myself busy with other activities and tried not to obsess over carrying my phone around everywhere in case he tried getting in touch with me. When I didn’t hear from weeks I started feeling blue. I remember sending a message to my friend and telling her that I wasn’t okay and I was missing my boyfriend so much. She reassured me that all would be okay and as soon as he was free he would definitely get in touch with me.
It’s not easy when someone who means the world to you is miles away and you can’t do anything but wait to hear from him. The most I could do was email him and you can only send so many emails before you start sounding obsessive. I had to wait…Eventually he would get time to chat and Voice Messages have never sounded so precious. I felt better again and I was back to my happy self.
I really fought the feeling of ending things. I was getting more and more frustrated by the day. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love him, I did but my language of love is Quality Time and in order to feel closely connected to my partner I have to spend time with him. That wasn’t happening; not that I didn’t know it wasn’t going to be happening but I didn’t realise it would be so hard! Why did I even get myself into this? Oh yes, LOVE.
I ended up sending him a message telling him I was unhappy and that the relationship was over. (My heart was breaking as I typed every single word to him). He only got the message a few days after I sent it and he never replied. That was the most regrettable thing I have done to date. A part of me wanted to send another message telling him I didn’t mean what I had said. I really didn’t but I think I was just longing for his attention and I went about it the wrong way! I knew his schedule and I knew he would be back home in a few weeks so I assured myself that he would surely visit when he arrived and say something; anything.
The moment he landed in Zimbabwe he came to see me!
That was the longest hug I had ever given him, it was heartfelt and I genuinely had missed him tonnes. Everyone in the office was saying hi to him because they knew him from visits he would make when he was around. I have never felt so much relief, in my head I thought him coming to see me was a good sign. He picked me up after work and we went for a drive. We talked about everything, his travels, my fitness obsession, he was shocked at the amount of weight I had lost since the last time we had seen each other.
After avoiding the real issue at hand he finally told me that he had come to see me because he wanted us to remain in good books even after things had not gone well between us. He told me he had seen my message and he had been saddened because he thought we were going to work out. He also said that he was not one to push if I had made up my mind he was not going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted out. At this point in my head I was screaming noooooo, that wasn’t what it was I just wanted your attention I didn’t mean to break up with you! I really lost out on a good thing. He was a great guy but I was childish about putting my feelings across. Once he was done talking I just said it was okay and we went on to have dinner and he dropped me off at home.
We spoke a few times after that, he even went all out to make my birthday super special. When he left the country that time around he only sent me a message to tell me he was leaving and when he arrived on the other side of the world he sent another message and that was the last time I heard from him. I missed him, I missed him so much until I had to change my phone number because I knew I was never going to hear from him again.
The motive of this story? Do not break up with someone unless you really feel that you want out. Hoping that the next person will come running and begging for you to take them back or make it work might not actually happen. You will end up single and miserable and wishing you had not sent that message or made that phone call. If you are really over someone tell them in person because that from what I have learnt shows maturity.
Have you been in a situation like this before?
I want to know from the guys, have you taken someone back after she told you she didn’t want to be with you anymore?