Desperate Housewives

When everyone was all excited about the television series Desperate Housewives I joined in but only got to watch the first two seasons because I never really had time to sit down and watch it.  A few weeks ago my friend brought me back to the series and gave me the whole 8 seasons of it and I have been hooked ever since.  I am currently watching Season 6 and the first episode left me feeling a lot of different things.  Here’s the thing.

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Image from Google

If you go back to season 5 Mike had moved in with Catherine and they seemed happy.  Well, Catherine mostly did because she hadn’t been in a relationship in a while and was happy to finally have someone in her life.  Mike seemed distant and still in love with his ex wife Susan. (But apparently they had both “moved on”) Catherine obviously didn’t see that Mike wasn’t head over heels for her because she was in a love bubble of her own.  I think it was brave of Catherine to ask Mike if he was ever going to marry her because Mike told her the truth that he didn’t know.  And you know that for most women we choose to not pay attention to what a man says.  He actually told her the truth but we always find a way of hoping somehow he will change his mind because we are just programmed like that I guess.  The other issue I have with Mike is that he will go above and beyond for Susan just to make her happy but clearly won’t do much for Catherine.  I can safely say Catherine gets half baked love from Mike but Susan on the other hand…There are real life cases where you date a guy and he treats you like crap but then dates the next woman and treats her like a queen and you wonder what the fuck is that all about?  So then;the series continues and a whole lot of things happen but this is the part that really got to me when I watched episode one of season 6.

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Mike just went on to marry Susan and left Catherine out in the cold.  Okay fine, maybe Catherine made a not so wise decision by hooking up with someone she knew still had unresolved issues but give her a break, you can’t exactly choose who you fall in love with, or can you?  Why does Susan always get what she wants though?  That again is not fair!  I was really sad on Catherine’s behalf.  How do women end up in situations like this though?  How do we just feel the need to fall for the emotionally unavailable guy?  Do we not see the signs?  And as for Mike, how do you just drop Catherine like a hot potato and get back to your ex wife (Susand) and forget about all the promises you made to Catherine?  Didn’t she at least mean something to you?  Does this mean she doesn’t have feelings too or she should just get over it and move on.  Mind you she stays right across the street and will get to witness everything the pair gets up to.  Man, the world is a cold ass place…

I should clearly stop over analysing things, it’s just a series!!

©MaKupsy 2017

How To Lose A Great Guy

One of the main reasons I started blogging was because of a guy.  I had caught feelings so bad I thought they were going to suffocate me in my sleep and I would die without him ever knowing it.  Fast forward to a few months after posting that blog we started dating.  Please note he had not seen that post because it was the only post I had made so thankfully nature took its natural course.

However, this was going to be a long distance relationship.  He worked out of the country and he would only come home twice a year.  We spoke about the challenges we would face where distance was concerned and given that he worked on a cruise ship it meant that the greater part of the time I would not get to speak to him over the phone because most times he would be at sea.  When you are in love you think everything will be a walk in the park.  We made promises to each other before he left and everything was bliss.

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Image from Google

The first few weeks were manageable.   We got to communicate through WhatsApp every other day and each time I saw his name pop up on my screen my face would light up.  I was at that point I would get upset if anyone else tried to send me a message because I only wanted to hear from him.

Weeks turned into months and communication was getting less and less because he had to work.  At first I played the understanding girlfriend, after all I already knew what I had signed myself up for beforehand.  I kept myself busy with other activities and tried not to obsess over carrying my phone around everywhere in case he tried getting in touch with me.  When I didn’t hear from weeks I started feeling blue.  I remember sending a message to my friend and telling her that I wasn’t okay and I was missing my boyfriend so much.  She reassured me that all would be okay and as soon as he was free he would definitely get in touch with me.

It’s not easy when someone who means the world to you is miles away and you can’t do anything but wait to hear from him.  The most I could do was email him and you can only send so many emails before you start sounding obsessive.  I had to wait…Eventually he would get time to chat and Voice Messages have never sounded so precious.  I felt better again and I was back to my happy self.

I really fought the feeling of ending things.  I was getting more and more frustrated by the day.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love him, I did but my language of love is Quality Time and in order to feel closely connected to my partner I have to spend time with him.  That wasn’t happening; not that I didn’t know it wasn’t going to be happening but I didn’t realise it would be so hard!  Why did I even get myself into this?  Oh yes, LOVE.

I ended up sending him a message telling him I was unhappy and that the relationship was over.  (My heart was breaking as I typed every single word to him).  He only got the message a few days after I sent it and he never replied.  That was the most regrettable thing I have done to date.  A part of me wanted to send another message telling him I didn’t mean what I had said.  I really didn’t but I think I was just longing for his attention and I went about it the wrong way!  I knew his schedule and I knew he would be back home in a few weeks so I assured myself that he would surely visit when he arrived and say something; anything.

The moment he landed in Zimbabwe he came to see me!

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Image from Google

That was the longest hug I had ever given him, it was heartfelt and I genuinely had missed him tonnes.  Everyone in the office was saying hi to him because they knew him from visits he would make when he was around.  I have never felt so much relief, in my head I thought him coming to see me was a good sign.  He picked me up after work and we went for a drive.  We talked about everything, his travels, my fitness obsession, he was shocked at the amount of weight I had lost since the last time we had seen each other.

After avoiding the real issue at hand he finally told me that he had come to see me because he wanted us to remain in good books even after things had not gone well between us.   He told me he had seen my message and he had been saddened because he thought we were going to work out.  He also said that he was not one to push if I had made up my mind he was not going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted out.  At this point in my head I was screaming noooooo, that wasn’t what it was I just wanted your attention I didn’t mean to break up with you! I really lost out on a good thing.  He was a great guy but I was childish about putting my feelings across.  Once he was done talking I just said it was okay and we went on to have dinner and he dropped me off at home.

We spoke a few times after that, he even went all out to make my birthday super special.   When he left the country that time around he only sent me a message to tell me he was leaving and when he arrived on the other side of the world he sent another message and that was the last time I heard from him.  I missed him, I missed him so much until I had to change my phone number because I knew I was never going to hear from him again.

The motive of this story?  Do not break up with someone unless you really feel that you want out.  Hoping that the next person will come running and begging for you to take them back or make it work might not actually happen.  You will end up single and miserable and wishing you had not sent that message or made that phone call. If you are really over someone tell them in person because that from what I have learnt shows maturity.

Have you been in a situation like this before?

I want to know from the guys, have you taken someone back after she told you she didn’t want to be with you anymore?

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

I Can’t Sleep!

This will be my second week of unhappiness in the sleep department.  I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep and it is starting to affect me in a very bad way.  Last night I went to bed at 7pm thanks to an excruciating headache that felt like it was going to pop my eyes right out!  I later woke up around 11pm and couldn’t sleep properly and ended up killing time on TwitterYou would think all the running and exercising I do would at least make me tired enough to pass out like it used to but no, even the evening run I did last night didn’t help matters.

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The thing is I am going through something.  I am feeling things that are feeding on my feel good hormones but unfortunately right now I can’t talk about it.  The only thing I can do is find a way to deal with it.  Some days I really wish we had shrinks in this country. (Maybe we do and I’m not aware of them?)  You would just call them up, make an appointment and just let out all your thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged or ridiculed.

I miss waking up with extra energy and enthusiasm.  I actually miss just going to bed and actually getting to sleep through the night.

I am feeling so unhappy.

MaKupsy

 

 

 

The Heat!

 

Goodness me, I don’t remember the last time I slept soundly.  Today the weather forecast predicts a maximum temperature of 33 Degrees Celsius.  If you ask me it feels like it has been 40 plus Degrees the past few days.  It is freaking hot this side of the equator!!!  Hot isn’t even the word actually, it’s just so uncomfortable I don’t know what to call it anymore.

I have to wake up at 0430hrs so that I get to head out for my morning run because anytime later the sun will be out and blazing and my energy levels dwindle when the sun is out.  By the time I am normally done with my run it’s anytime just before 0530hrs and it will be already blazing hot!  Whatever sins we are paying for may the gods please forgive us already, we have learnt our lesson and we will stay on the straight and narrow path because this is not on.

Last night in an attempt to sleep better I made a “cold water bottle”.  I froze a bottle of water and then put it next to me in bed. HAHAHAHA Desperate times people, desperate times.  It didn’t work though, it just felt even more uncomfortable.  Then I decided to soak myself in a whole bath tub of cold water for a few minutes.  I felt better for just a few minutes then it was back to the heat.  Sleeping naked is a total waste of time, been there, tried that you can still feel the heat.  Opening the windows just made things worse because mosquitoes came flying in.  Do mosquitoes ever sleep?  This is a genuine question by the way.   I have been contemplating getting a fan but I know I can’t sleep with it on because I know myself and that will just be a recipe for catching a cold.

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I drink a lot of water already but now I drink a lot of water with lots of ice to try and cool down but this stuff is only working temporarily.  I have no intentions of going to hell after experiencing this heat on earth.  If what they say about hell being burning hot and I feel like I am being roasted right here and right now then that bus can miss me any day!

I keep thinking if I feel like I am going to pass out any minute at bed time and yet I sleep alone, what about couples?  How are they managing in this heat?  Then there is sex…How do you even get your freak on in this freaking heat?  Unless you have sex in the shower or in the bath tub, that could work.  Actually, I need to put that on my bucket list.

What are you guys doing to help you cool down?  I am in desperate need of ideas.  I have even stopped leaving the office during my lunch break because the heat will just make me feel tired and drained.

This heat is making me really unhappy.

MaKupsy

Maybe…

Today I bumped into a Tweet by a guy named Rogers and it read;

Most women don’t know what to do with a man who loves them completely, so they doubt the authenticity of his feelings and then ruin it all.

Maybe I am just scared

Scared the worst will happen

Maybe I am scared that this could be the best thing that ever happened to me

Maybe I am scared this story might actually have a happy ending

Maybe I am scared that he actually loves me

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photo taken from http://theodysseyonline.com/

Love…

I promised myself I would never fall in love again

Promised I would never feel that emotion in this lifetime

Promised that I never wanted the pain that came with a love gone wrong

But here I am

Maybe I am just crawling back in my shell because I keep thinking this is too good to be true

After being disappointed by the people who meant the most

It is becoming harder for me to enjoy something heart warming

I love but

I am afraid to be loved

And if I keep at it I am going to ruin a perfectly beautiful thing

MaKupsy

Day 11 – Wakandipedzera Nguva Yangu (You Wasted My Time)

I got into the office and started listening to Selmor Mtukudzi.  I absolutely love this track, the beat and the message speak to me and I know after you listen to this track you will want to get your dancing shoes on.  Some days I think she wrote this song with me in mind.  She sings about how her boyfriend wasted her time and decided he wanted some “space” in their relationship.

I want to know from you; have you been in a relationship where you felt that the next person was taking you for a ride?  At what point did you just say enough is enough?  Did you keep holding onto something  you could see was clearly going nowhere?  What were the signs that made you say my time has officially been wasted?!

MaKupsy