I got this message from a friend on mine through WhatsApp. I thought I would share it here, it’s quite thought provoking.
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
‘What kind of man are you looking for?’
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in
the eye & asking, ‘Do you really want to know?’ Reluctantly, he said,
She began to expound,
‘As a woman in this day & age, I am in a
position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the
help of any man… or woman for that matter. I am in the position to
ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought & stated,
‘I am not referring to money. I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.
‘I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need
conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.
I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I
don’t need to be unequally yoked…believers mixed with unbelievers is
a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.
I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said,
‘You are asking for a lot.’
She replied, “I’m worth a lot”. Send this to every woman
who’s worth a lot…. and every man who has the brains to
Let’s talk about this piece; your thoughts ladies and gentleman!
P.S. I have no idea who wrote this please credit them if you do.
The month of April is the month where all the self motivators; fearless spirits and beautiful minds were born. – FitnessBae®
If there is anyone who looks forward to their birthday it has to be me! I love celebrating my big day in any way that brings a smile on my face. I am one of those individuals who will go out and buy herself a gift because I learnt from a birthday many years ago that if you don’t make your day special on your own no one else will. This year I already got myself a new phone and I might just throw in a pair of quality running shoes in the mix and I will bug my Husby(he is my friend not my husband but still call him Husby, strange I know!) for perhaps a sports watch and I know he will tell me I should go and jump over a cliff. LOL
The past year has taught me many different lessons but today I will share two of them with you.
The first lesson is that life is too short to hope and wish that good things will come your way. If you want something you have to go out there and get it yourself. Yes, you have heard this line before but trust me, it’s true. I want my Fitness Bae Brand to grow in a very big way and because of that I am working over time to make it happen. I don’t do it half halfheartedly, I give it my 110% attention and that is the reason why you see me at events in and around town. I want to continue to learn how to be a better person and how to make my brand locally, regionally and some day internationally recognised. I am doing everything in my power to be visible in a world full of so many creatives but I know that some day soon my hard work will pay off.
The second lesson is that you can’t change a human being. I am dead serious about this one. A human being who can change is a human being who wants to change on their own. I remember having this conversation over a bottle of wine a few weeks ago with a friend of mine. We talked about how most women get into relationships and want to change someone from the way they dress, talk, heck; even how they walk! We both concluded that people are not projects and it is not anyone’s job to try and change them into a completely different person. I am personally guilty of this and in the past I have tried to change a partner into my specifications and that went downhill pretty fast. The long and the short of it is that if you love someone you have to take them as they are and learn to live with both their good and bad side, no one is perfect darling.
I am thankful for all the wonderful friends that surround me who contribute to my sanity; without them I would probably be in a very dark place. Thank you to everyone who sent Voice Notes, Birthday Wishes, the early morning phone calls; I am in filled with nothing but warm fuzzy feelings. One of the messages I received this morning got me all teary eyed and officially made my birthday extra special.
Happy Birthday love! You are at the top of my list for people I have met on Twitter, not Malawian, that I can actually call a friend. Today on your birthday I want you to celebrate you: the beautiful person that you are- you love people and you love serving people. This year has all things falling into place for you (still waiting for the abs -though you are already goals to me 😏😉) So am wishing you all the strength, positivity & energy required to see you through this year-living your dream & kicking ass while at it!
May God shock you with what He will do to and with your life. May you remain open, available & teachable.
I know some people who have never been single in their life, like ever. They have always jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just enjoy being on their own. I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention. The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post. So what is being single? Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.
I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single. But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism. That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.
So…about that single life. You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked. (doing who you please is also very much an option) You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance. For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single. The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how. That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some. You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with! The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active. You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body. Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating?? That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!
Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship. You learn the art of dating yourself. You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.
Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:
Blog Reader 1
You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past. Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
You get to spend all your money alone.
You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
You don’t have curfews.
You have more money to spend on beer.
(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)
Blog Reader 3
You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.
So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way. If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…
I am always on the look out for people who ooze positive energy. My first Woman Crush Wednesday this year is this beautiful soul; Tete Humba.
Some of the things that fire my soul include being creative and working with my hands; with that I can never go wrong. As long as I am making something, I am happy. It started off as a joke but the more I experimented the more I realised that that was my happy place. From headboards, to DIY beauty products, to wigs, to clothes, shoes, wall décor. I’ll make it all!
Coconut oil! I use it to moisturize; in my masks and to remove my makeup. It’s incorporated in everything. But bear in mind I have dry skin so that makes the perfect combo.
When it’s a part of God’s plan, it will happen. The Year 2016 was a very difficult year for me, and life threw its punches of all sorts. Life tried to get me down but God had His own idea and here I am.
My family. I cannot imagine life without them. They are my everything.
The Story Of One Man Who Changed A Nation With A Bible, Flag & A SmartphoneBaeZel
The first time I heard about Pastor Evan was when I heard him on radio. You can listen in here. I just sat on my bed and thought to myself, WOW, this man is saying nothing but the truth. He talked about all the issues in our country that we are too afraid to speak out on. This was nearly two months ago and since then there have been a series of events that led to yesterday. My heart would not let me simply sit at home and do nothing, tweeting did not feel like it was enough so I dressed up and went to join the crowd outside the court. I was part of the crowd in the evening at Rotten Row Court and the experience there was indescribable. Never have I seen so many people in one place joined together for one cause and that was to free #PastorEvan. Black, White, Indian, Coloured all races were there; the diversity was overwhelming! This will surely go down in the history of Zimbabwe!!!! People in almost every part of the world were praying and doing any and everything to spread the word. Social Media is indeed a powerful tool; a wildfire. The hashtag that was and still is trending is #ThisFlag “#ThisFlag movement’s goal was to “get as many citizens as possible involved in nation-building”. I tweeted and asked if anyone wanted to feature on my blog today and Mako came through. This is her story…
It’s hard to put into the words, the thoughts and emotions I’m experiencing. As a writer, this is both surprising and frustrating – I’m trained to use words as my weapon but words yesterday failed me. That’s what tends to happen when I write about my country. I experience a torrent of emotions that leave me unable to type a thing. However, reflection is a beautiful gift. Sleep and a short break from social media has afforded me time to look back at everything that has happened.
The first time I saw Pastor Evan Mawarire’s very first video, I got chills. The last time someone had dared to speak up, he had been dragged away, never to return. As I sat in my room in a university far away from home, I felt as if he was speaking to me. His struggles were my struggles. His frustration was my frustration. And it felt so good to hear someone say what many of us felt and experienced. It felt empowering to hear him say that our hardship was real and oppressive. And when I saw the flag around his neck I was reminded of who I was. I am a Zimbabwean, and it’s my duty to do what I can to break the culture of fear and silence.
The stereotype that Zimbabweans are ‘passive’ or ‘lazy’ is a misconception that I have always loathed. We were not passive when Mbuya Nehanda happily danced and sang to her death knowing that the fight would continue. We were not passive when young boys and girls left school, crossing the border to join the fight for freedom. We were not passive when people nationwide stayed at home on 6 July in protest against a system that seems to go out of its way to make life a living hell. We were not passive when we rallied together in support to help free a man that we all know did nothing wrong. We are determined, hardworking and fiercely patriotic people. When we rise to the challenge, we do not back down. Yesterday serves as proof of our perseverance.
The news of Mawarire being called in for questioning made my heart drop. I remembered others whose voices were muted: Itai Dzamarara, Learnmore Jongwe, people whose names never got to reach the public’s ear. The pessimist in me slumped back in defeat. It was going to happen again. Another one, gone, disappeared, or dead. However; I remembered my favourite line from the movie The Prince of Egypt, “though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.” That tiny voice inside me beat back against my resignation, telling me not to give into that sense of despair. That night I prayed not just for the good pastor, but for all of us, not to give in, not to run out of steam. Then I set my alarm for 8:30am and slipped into an uneasy sleep.
I woke up at 9:30am on 13 July. I scolded myself for being so complacent as to sleep through my alarm. Others had woken up much earlier to go to the courthouse and make their presence known. I’d simply hit the snooze button and wrapped my blankets around me. As I got out of bed I felt an all too familiar pang in my stomach. A sharp stabbing sensation that spread across my tummy and made my knees buckle. My period had arrived, and this was going to be a bad one. I walked bent over like an old woman, each step on the cold floor amplifying the pain in my stomach. I chastised myself again. It meant that I would be rendered immobile, confined to my bed, battling with nausea and dizziness (I get particularly bad periods). But it would not prevent me from doing what I could to support and spread the word. So blanket, painkillers and hot water bottle in tow, I sat and tweeted and retweeted and posted until past midnight.
The day’s momentum was stop and start. I expected that we’d have to do the VPN dance once again, but to my surprise the Internet connection was working just fine. As I sat scrolled through news sites and social media, conflicting stories came in. Evan Mawarire isn’t at the courthouse. Wait, he is! But there’s been a delay. Oh they’re moving it to a secret location. It’ll be at University of Zimbabwe, a move to have the hearing in secret. No, that’s a lie; it’s still at the courthouse by Rotten Row. The only certainty was the people coming through to support. With their flags and their voices they stood outside the courthouse, watching and waiting for any news or development. I’m so grateful to all of those people. They represented all of us that day; those that couldn’t come because of distance, those that couldn’t come out of fear and even those who ridiculed and trivialized their efforts. They showed power and dignity in their loyalty to the country and to the flag, and by keeping the rest of us informed as to what was happening, they provided factual and up-to-date coverage of what was happening.
And a lot happened… Mawarire’s arrival at the courthouse. The sight of 100+ Lawyers from the Zimbabwe Human Rights Lawyers Association showing up and all volunteering to represent the accused, free of charge. The police who stood and watched as their fellow countrymen sang and danced. For a moment, I felt sorry for these police: many looked like they too wanted to drop their uniforms and join their peers, but they couldn’t. There were celebrities, businessmen, civil rights activists and politicians that came through and raised their flag in solidarity. It was so beautiful to see everyone together for a common cause. I can’t imagine how it must’ve felt to be part of the gathering at Rotten Row.
Two announcements symbolized the nadir and zenith of my emotions. The first was the change in charges, from inciting violence and disturbing the peace, to treason and attempting to overthrow the government. I laughed out loud. It was a harsh, joyless laugh. Same old, same old. Even as I felt that familiar resignation creeping in I refused to slump back and accept the injustice. That mental shift wasn’t just reserved for me alone. Many others also refused to simply accept it and walk away. We failed others who spoke up for justice with our silence. We could not let it happen again.
Then the big news came. HE WAS FREE. The tweet from one of the people on the ground flashed on my screen and I exhaled in shock. As much as I had fought hard against that nagging doubt, the news of Evan Mawarire’s release stunned me. They had done it. We had done it. I immediately turned to tell my mother. She almost dropped the cup of tea in her hand and asked me if I was sure. It was true. Justice had prevailed. Pictures and videos of people celebrating outside the courthouse filled my Twitter feed. I drank it all in, inspired, humbled, and proud, so proud. It was an unfamiliar pride, something I can’t quite put into words even now. It was the pride of knowing that, despite everything that had happened to us, we still had a voice. We’d just forgotten about it for a while, but now we’re reclaiming it.
I want to use my voice more. I want to give of myself to my country, my people and my future. I want to play a role in building the kind of Zimbabwe we all want: a prosperous, open, fair society. To everyone who’s been tweeting, taking photos and videos, hash tagging and reporting these past few months, I salute you. Thank you for reminding me that this flag is for all of us.
I can’t wait for the day we become a stronger, richer and enthused nation. A country with better opportunities, a country where no one thinks of relocating and leaving their children and loved ones behind because they are happy and content. I feel like that day is coming soon though, yesterday proved that together we can make a world of difference. Thank you to EVERYONE who supported this in each and every way they knew how to. #ThisFlag#PastorEvanIsFREE
The following few tips are from me and some of my friends. I hope they will come in handy. Please feel free to add any other tips in the comments section.
Keep your hands clean. You should always make sure you wash your hands when breastfeeding and handling the baby’s bottles.
Not every baby will like breastfeeding. It’s not a failure on your part; remember a baby is a unique little person with likes and dislikes
There will be A LOT of sleepless nights. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don’t even try to clean the house or do laundry or get yourself busy with something else. The moment the baby sleeps it’s your cue to also get some rest.
DO NOT pick up the baby the moment the baby cries. Give her time to soothe herself otherwise she will get used to having you scoop her up at the very first sign of tears and that will be a sure way to stop you from doing anything else.
Breastfeed your baby as often as you can. Breastfeeding is like medicine for the baby. It will stop the baby from catching colds and flues and diseases that are prone to attack new born babies.
You will have to master the art of taking super quick baths in case the baby wakes up.
Change the baby’s diapers frequently. You don’t want the baby to have an uncomfortable rash.
Make Google your friend. In the world of technology where information is just at the tip of your finger try and search for any baby concerns you have before rushing to the doctor. You might be surprised, most answers you get actually work.
Make time for your spouse if you are raising the child together. It can’t be about the baby all the time. (Not that it’s a bad thing) but your partner also wants to feel loved. You can have someone watch the baby for a day while you catch up on each other.
You alone know your baby. If you feel something is not right then it probably is. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
DO NOT try and do too much too soon. Yes, I know you will miss your pre pregnancy body and want to get right back to exercising but give yourself time to heal. After all you were pregnant for a whole nine months and it will take time for your body to start getting back to normal. Relax and enjoy your baby for now.
A baby will be happy one day and a downright monster on another day. That doesn’t make you a lousy mum. You will bathe the baby, feed the baby, sing for the baby and nothing will work. It’s just baby having a bad day.
Make sure you eat healthy and balanced meals and keep your mind from worry. Babies seem to sense it when you are unhappy and end up crying for days because mummy is not happy.
When people come to see the newborn baby, please give them tasks to help you with around the house. Let them know beforehand that a little help will be required. The last thing you want is to be standing around catering to a clan of twenty family members while trying to heal a torn vagina (sorry for the graphics) and handle a newborn. They can feel free to cook and clean up after themselves.
Speak positive words of affirmation to your baby and say all the wonderful things you would want them to grow up to be. Also pray for them, nothing is as powerful as a mother’s prayer.
Speak out if you need help and you are failing to cope on your own. After all,
It takes a whole village to raise a child.
This blog post is dedicated to my friend who is expecting a baby any day now. I am totally excited for him and his wife. It is going to be both a fun and eye opening adventure for the two of you.
I have been through a lot of interesting experiences to date and all of them have taught me a thing or two. If God grants me more years on this earth my grandchildren will hear the most bizarre tales. If they are lucky they might actually get to read them instead because I am planning on writing a book at some point but procrastinating is my greatest enemy at the moment. Right, about those life lessons…
You have to love yourself first before anyone else. Be good to you and treat yourself right. That way you make your life easier by avoiding toxic relationships. When you know what you deserve you make sure you get nothing short of that.
Don’t beg people to stay in your life. Don’t beg them to love you. Don’t beg them to call you. Don’t beg them to treat you right. The ones that truly love and care for you will not need you to beg for their affections, they will do any of these things naturally because you actually mean something to them.
Use your head and not your heart when you make life changing decisions. I have made one three many decisions based on feelings and those never ended well. Since then I have constantly reminded myself that the best decisions are those made with a sound mind.
Social media can be used for the greater good. I know I follow people on Twitter who have landed jobs and life changing opportunities through that platform. I have also been lucky to be invited to events thanks to blogging and Tweeting and had a chance to network.
Try not to use your social media presence to troll, complain and shame others. Let me also say my 2 cents on nudity while I’m at it. Don’t take nude photos that show your face and send them to your significant other, you don’t know who else he will share them with or where they will end up. If you can help it DO NOT SEND NUDE PHOTOS AT ALL.
Do not make decisions based on other people. Be it your education, love life, career choice the list is endless. At the end of the day YOU are the one who lives with the decisions that concern your life. You have no one to answer to but yourself when you look back and wish you had done things differently. If you want to be a pilot, do that! If you want to have a life partner and live happily ever after with no kids, do that! If you want to write for a living, by all means do that! Why? Because life is too short to not do what truly makes you happy!
That said; what are some of the lessons you have learnt so far? I would love to read all about them.