Adele – Someone Like You

Love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this lifetime if it’s reciprocal.  However, if you are one of the unlucky few who got served a huge dose of unrequited love you will know exactly how much pain can come from it.

Thankfully over the years I have had the chance to reflect and take note of some of the mistakes I made in the past where love was concerned.  In the past I have paired myself up with people who actually did not love or care about me.  I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.  A slight sign of concern was automatically mistaken for love.  For me love had to make my heart go pitter patter, lose my senses, lose sleep and have me going through extremes of happiness and sadness.  That was clearly a lot to take in in the name of love.

I used to be a bitter woman, I was mad at the world.  Mad that I loved someone who did not see all the things I did in the name of love.  More than anything I was mad at myself for not seeing something was not good for me and simply walking away when I still had the chance to do so.

I am happy to say that what I view love to be has completely changed.  For me love will not leave me close to feeling a panic attack, love will complete me, love will give me a warm, calm and confident feeling towards my partner.  I don’t think I still get butterflies, maybe it’s an age thing; but I certainly feel that this is right when I am with the perfect match.

I no longer feel anything towards the man who once shattered my heart to irreparable little pieces; I am indifferent towards him.  You will be surprised to note that this very song used to bring me to tears each time I listened to it but now I listen to it and recall that it used to be his favourite song.  Through it all in as much as things didn’t work out between us we had our happy moments.  They didn’t last but for the season they were supposed to they brought a smile to my face.

It’s important to take a step back whenever you get the chance to and find out where you go wrong.  It’s easy to sit down and blame the world for things going wrong in your life when most times you are the very source of your own pain.  You can’t choose who you love though you can try very hard to make sure you love someone who at least feels the same way about you.

I have made it my personal mission to continue to grow myself in love.  How?  By doing things that bring me joy, filling my days with happy moments, understanding that not everyone will understand the intensity that comes with me and above all else to keep learning and unlearning habits that might hinder my progress.  Not everyone will understand what I am about but the right one will know that I am amazing just the way I am.

We live yes, but how many of us actually take time to learn?  

 

 

 

©MaKupsy 2017

Fitness In The Park : Africa Day

Hello and good morning; I hope your day has started off on a bright and beautiful note.  If you follow my blog you are well aware that I also have a Fitness Blog that you should check out when you have time.  Fitness is a huge part of my life and without it I probably would not have the amount of zeal I have for blogging.  The two make a perfect match.  This will be a fun read for you because it will take you less than 10 minutes to go through it, enjoy.

There is one main thing you can do when you have a break from work and that is rest.  I know a lot of people managed to do that yesterday but for some of us who can never get enough of exercise it was a chance to meet up with like minded people and get some activities going.  The start time was 9:00 am and that gave everyone enough time to get ready and possibly add an extra hour of sleep.  I had done an 8K run before the event so there was no way I was going to go for a run so instead I watched over our bags while everyone went for a short 2K run.

The agenda for the day was to complete the entire alphabet as a group for the Spell Your Name Challenge.  We really should have had someone take a video of this because the various forms people ended up doing were hilarious.  It looks easy to do on paper but a different story when you actually have to do it.  That’s the beauty of doing things in a group, you get to learn and unlearn things.  I for one learnt that you can combine your burpees with mountain climbers and feel like death after wards (in a good way).

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Onai showing us how to do a star jump

We ended up substituting burpees with skipping and speed runs because we were no longer doing them in the proper form.  It was a lot of fun either way because we got to challenge our bodies in ways we never knew were possible.

I would like to personally thank everyone who came through yesterday:

  • Onai : May I one day be able to do star jumps like that without wanting to pass out.
  • Thembi : Even though the challenge was not easy you kept your good form for all the workouts.
  •  Jeff : Who knew you could combine burpees with mountain climbers, shout out to you for teaching us this trick!
  • Archie : You had a cold but that did not stop you from coming through for the event and even playing basketball after the main agenda of the day.
  • Samantha : The energy you have is out of this world, you should seriously consider being a sprinter.
  • Kundi : You managed to run even though it is not your favourite form of exercise.
  • Dumi : You arrived a little later than everyone else but you managed to join us and still play basketball afterwards.
  • Memory : That push up variation was not something we expected after an hour of exercise but we loved it all the same.  You still went on to play for your team at your netball match.
  • Chenge : Girl those squat pulses you taught us are definitely going on my to-do-list.  I hope this means my tush will grow at a faster rate because they are definitely something.

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It was a great day filled with great vibes.  The beautiful thing about this experience is that the ones who love fitness will stay coming through without need for a push.  I can only write about fitness and tell you all about it but if you actually don’t get up and do the work you will never get results.  At the end of the day this is all on you.

This Fitness In The Park event is free and happens once each month.  Be sure to Like my Facebook Page to stay up to date with all things fitness related.

Do you have Fitness In The Park Events in your community?  If yes, what is the experience like?

©MaKupsy 2017

Saying Goodbye Is Not Always The Answer

Its 7pm, where are you?

Sorry dear, I’m running late.

I thought we agreed you would pick me up for dinner at 6:30 pm, like really, what’s up with that?!!

I’m on my way, I have just been delayed.

You know what, don’t come anymore, I can’t believe you made me wait this whole time; I’m going out with my friends instead!

But I’m nearly there.

No, forget it, actually, fuck this relationship, I’m done, if you can’t even keep time then what’s the point?

Can we just talk about this before you make such a drastic decision?

Silence

Within minutes he shows up, I jump into the car and there is nothing but dead silence until we reach our destination.  I diagnosed myself as suffering from Anger Management Issues (Whatever those are) because the way I would easily get annoyed the heck was completely out of this world.  I don’t know if it’s fortunate or unfortunate that I had a very patient boyfriend back then but because of him I learnt a thing or two about relationships.

The number one problem with me is that I don’t tolerate a lot of things.  Be it poor hygiene, not keeping time, typos and grammatical errors; I know you think this one is absurd but I find it a real turn off if the person I am supposed to be dating bombards me with messages that have typos, I easily lose focus and stop replying their messages.  If you think that’s being melodramatic it’s because you haven’t read my blog post titled Miss Petty.  Unfortunately for me because I have become very set in my ways over the years it has become increasingly difficult to compromise.  I blame staying on my own throughout my 20’s, I just don’t have room for someone else’s bullshit.  Wait, what am I supposed to blogging about again?  I think I am losing the plot, let me get back to the story at hand.

Seeing that we have been delayed we have missed our dinner reservation he decides we go to a laid back place instead and chill and have drinks and a meal.  However, he doesn’t tell me this because he knows for a fact that I am fuming already as it is.

We get to the parking lot and he sighs heavily and starts talking…

I honestly don’t understand why you just won’t give me a chance MaKupsy.  It’s been how many months now but each time I try to do something nice for you I am always greeted by being ignored or you simply tell me to take a hike.  What you don’t realise is that I have fallen in love with you.  I have tried so many ways to get through to your heart with zero luck.  Despite all your flaws I still want to be with you but clearly I am losing the plot somewhere.  Relationships are not meant to be easy and it seems like each time we have a problem you are ready to abandon ship.  It’s not supposed to be like that sweetheart; we are in this together and the only way this can grow into something solid and meaningful is if we communicate and move forward without you always saying hauchandida. (I don’t love you anymore).  Take today for example, when I told you I was running late you were already in defense mode and telling me you were making alternative plans.  Why didn’t you wait for me to show up to find out the reason(s) why I had been delayed and then take it from there instead of automatically assuming that I am taking your time for granted?  Tell you what, today is going to be a great evening and despite how it started off we are going to paint the town red, and no, you don’t have to say anything today, just take your time and digest what I just said.

He gets out of the car and comes to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for me like the gentleman that he is…

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Image from Pinterest

I never got to reply him in person on that day because did we have a great night out or what?!  However, the talk we had before our date made me realise something.  I had real underlying issues that needed to be dealt with.  I figured that the biggest problem was that once upon a time I had given my EVERYTHING to someone who did not reciprocate and it left me spent.  Each time I dated someone; at the back of my head I kept thinking that my current boyfriend was going to do something to hurt me so I always had my suitcase packed and ready to move on before I got my heart entangled in a relationship I assumed would leave me heart broken.  What I didn’t realise was that I was doing myself more harm than good because after all was said and done I was the one missing out on a chance of happiness while holding onto past disappointments.  How sad?  In my head everyone was like my ex boyfriend(s) and I never gave them a real chance.

The universe had other plans though, she sent someone who was patient and understanding.  Even though half the time we dated I threw major temper tantrums he still stood by me and taught me the art of communication and reminded me that there were still a few good men(5 of them and counting) with good intentions out there.

©MaKupsy 2017

The Other Woman

Love her or hate her, the other woman exists and chances are she will continue to exist till the end of time.  I’m not saying your boyfriend or husband has her; not all men are cut out for that.  However, if you are one of the unfortunate few he has one and it is highly likely that she is not going anywhere anytime soon.

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Image from Google

I was the other woman, once upon a time…how did I end up there?  A case of a long distance relationship gone wrong and after that I told myself I was not going to do relationships until further notice so a situationship was more ideal for me then.  Couple that with insecurities from a failed relationship and not realising my worth, I easily settled for being the other woman in a heartbeat.  I used to enjoy the thrill of the secret relationship, the attention was priceless because he would try to compensate for the time he was not able to be with me.

This is a phase in my life I look back to and ask myself what the heck was I thinking? But you know what they say, everything that happens to you is a learning curve.  Thankfully that phase only lasted a short while and was over before it even started because I clearly could not stand being an option in his life.  Believe me when I tell you that kind of emotional stress is not good for anyone, at all!   Ask me if I will ever travel down that road again?  The answer is a definite NO!  It was a phase I am not proud of to date.

That is one of my favourite tracks by Changing Faces – The Other Woman and they are mainly singing about why they are no longer willing to share a man because they have finally realised what they deserve. (love is not so blind after all) However, not all women share the same sentiments because below are a few who are currently the other woman and not complaining about it.

“I enjoy the financial benefits that come with being the other woman, I have never worked a day in my life and “my husband” provides me and our children with everything we need.” Small House

“Sex with someone who isn’t my boyfriend every once in a while is a thrilling experience, you know what they say about variety being the spice of life.” The SexAHolic

“There is a sense of adventure, things done in secret give me an adrenaline rush and I got hooked to it I simply can’t stop.” The Side Chic

“I don’t have to worry about attending funerals, washing his clothes, cooking for him, I get to see him at his best and get to spend quality time with him.” The Cougar

“I get my rent paid, my child taken care of, endless outings, someone to sponsor my drinking habit and never having to worry about how I am going to put food on the table, that’s his job!” The Alcoholic

“Since we don’t see each other often when I do see him there is no time for fighting, I always look forward to seeing him.” Miss No Pressure

“I have been lied to and deceived one too many times, it is better to be with a married guy who won’t make empty promises to me.” Miss Content

“I have my own money, I can take care of myself but I don’t have the time for a full on relationship.  I only see him as and when I am free because I have a busy schedule so being the other woman works for me.” Miss Independent 

Relationships are complicated if you let them be, but from my experience being the other woman never ends well.  It seems for the women above it is working to their advantage and they are happy.  I say, life is too short so one must do whatever makes them happy as long as it gives them sleep at night.

What’s your take on the “other woman”?  I am happy to read on both negative and possibly positive things you have to say about her in the comments section below.

©MaKupsy 2017

8 Wallet Friendly Date Ideas

Apparently dating is for the emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially ready.  Emphasis on financially.  Dating costs money but that doesn’t mean it has to break your bank.  There are different activities you can enjoy with your partner that will leave you both happy and your wallet smiling.  Fancy dress up and expensive dates are lovely but they certainly can’t be an everyday thing, sometimes all you need is to get back to the basics with that special someone in your life.

I have a list of 8 different ideas that I think you should try out.  You know I recommend nothing but exciting things so make sure you try out at least one of them; you can thank me later.

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Image from Pinterest
  1. Picnic.  You can do this from anywhere actually, just let your creative juices flow.   Picnic at the back of a truck, the balcony of your house, at the local park or depending on how daring you are; on the roof top.  I would suggest you try out a sunset picnic which can later turn into a star gazing date.  I am such a romantic, I know!
  2. Movie.  If you stay in Harare then happy days.  You can take advantage of the half price Tuesday deal at the movies and pay for two people for the price of one.  Add the Terrific Tuesday pizza deal and you have both a movie and a meal in one date!  It will cost you give or take USD15 what’s not to love?
  3. Coffee.  It’s winter this part of the world and any date that guarantees to keep you warm is more than welcome.  Cake at my favourite coffee place is USD3 a slice for any cake of your choice and coffee is USD2.  It will give you a chance to enjoy as many cups of coffee as you please because the cake slices are huge and one cup of coffee will not do justice to it.
  4. Cook.  Nothing like a home cooked meal made with tender loving care.  The plus side of cooking together is that you and your partner get to bond and have some intimate time together.  Instead of spending a lot of money eating out you can get your favourite ingredients and prepare your favourite meal plus dessert!

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    Image from Pinterest
  5. Ice cream.  Now this is the best date idea ever because ice cream doesn’t cost much.  You will just have to make sure it’s a sunny day so that you get to enjoy the beautiful weather together with your ice cream and get to take a nice stroll together and hold hands.  When was the last time you did that?
  6. Fun Run. There is always a run of sort taking place.  Just so you know, I host Fitness In The Park events every month and they are FREE.  Exercise will give you a chance to challenge each other and also release those feel good hormones.  Aaaaand, I read somewhere that exercise and great sex are best friends 🙂
  7. Drinks.  Become a mixologist for the night.  Take a trip to the liquor store and get your favourite alcoholic beverages.  Instead of going out on that Friday night stay at home and experiment with different alcohol mixtures.  Make sure you create a music playlist that will have you dance the night away.  The great thing is that if you pass out you will be in the comfort of your home.
  8. Comedy.  I know King Kandoro hosts Comedy Shows every Tuesday for free.  On other occasions his shows go for USD2.  There is no excuse not to go for something that will leave you in stitches.  Comedy is a sure way to look at life from the fun side and if you two are trying to bring some laughter back into your relationship this is a sure way to forget about the fighting and get some humour into the mix.
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King Kandoro

I hope you try out these ideas and let me know how they work out for you.  By the way, the ideas are open to both men and women. Ladies, surprise your man with one of these dates sometime soon and men, if you have not been taking out your girlfriend perhaps this list might help.

What activities do you get up to in your area that don’t break your budget?  I would love to hear them.

©MaKupsy 2017

The Single Independent Mother

I have some saving tips from a single mother who is in her 40’s.  I think everyone will benefit from this post and I took this pretty seriously because she clearly has more years experience on raising a child single-handedly.  Take out your pen and paper…

  1. Cut your hair, imagine the amount of money you are spending on hairdos that you could be saving for better use for you and your child.
  2. Live within your means.
  3. Do not compare yourself with people who are married, they have a double income you only have one, stay in your lane.
  4. Save some money each month, it doesn’t matter how little, trust me it will go a long way.
  5. Do not buy on credit, especially clothes, save to pay everything with cash.
  6. Take a lunchbox to work with healthy home made meals or sandwiches.
  7. Make friends with women in a similar situation who understand your struggles better.
  8. Do what works for you, do not try to please anyone.
  9. Set targets for yourself and make sure you reach them, it might take time but eventually you will get there.
  10. Learn how to sew, simple things like replacing a button and hemming your pants will go a long way for your pocket.

If you live by most of these rules you might actually get round to going for that holiday you have been dying for!

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Photo Credit : @summer_rose_ (Instagram)

©MaKupsy 2017

5 Blogs That Make Me Happy

One of the many lessons that I have learnt in the past 3 years of blogging is that it’s important to read work written by other bloggers.  Not only does it let you view things differently, it sometimes puts a smile on your face when you are having a bad day.  The following blogs are my go to sites when I need that extra dose of feel good hormones.

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Image from Pinterest
  1. missfelistas.wordpress.com

Felistas has not been blogging for a while but this does not stop me from occasionally browsing through her site.  If you want to read something random then this is the place to go to.  There is always some drama going on there and best of all something to give me a good laugh, this woman is talented I kid you not!   My favourite read is the piece she wrote about How NOT To Break Up.  I can relate to Hurricane Katrina, Big Brother Style and with a bang!!  You have the article from here to understand what I am talking about.

2. hararelifestyle.wordpress.com

Tata takes the trophy any day when it comes to getting me deep into my feelings.  Each time I read one of her posts I am left questioning a lot of things.  What I love the most about her blog is that she doesn’t stick to writing in English only but throws in Shona here and there.  There are just some things that don’t sound the same if written in English.  There is a time she wrote about heartbreak and with each single word she wrote I could relate.  Sex is a real enemy of progress when you are trying to figure out which direction your relationship is going especially during a shaky phase.

Actually, I don’t know who was hurt more, my heart or my vagina.

You can read about it from here and get to read what I’m talking about.  One thing is for sure, she needs to write a book and be quick about it.  The honesty that comes with her blog posts especially where relationships are concerned are priceless!  I used to write about sex but it was never this detailed, do something Tata, I want to go around telling people she is my friend when your book becomes a best seller!

3. businessblundersandbrilliance.com

Would you believe me if I told you that I only discovered this site last week.  Best thing ever!  As you already know I am working hard on building my Fitness Bae  brand and I am always on the lookout for any and everything that will help me work towards making it a success.  My attention was grabbed by the blog post titled 3 Start Up Lessons From Prostitutes.

You are a startup, you carry your business with you everywhere!

What I took from this article is something I already practice but for the sake of emphasis I feel everyone who is an entrepreneur needs to do themselves a favour and follow this blog because it is gold!  Archie talks about how you should talk about your business to any and everyone.  You have to stop feeling shy and make noise about your business if you want people to pay attention.  Be your own hype man(woman).

4. hermajestyexplored.wordpress.com

Books, books and more books!  I am one of those people who love to read.  I have concluded that reading and writing go hand in hand, you can’t be a writer if you don’t read!  I am very old school when it comes to reading and I love me a hard copy.  I want to see, touch and feel my book and you know I got very excited when I realised that one of my favourite bloggers also likes reading.  Her post left a smile on my face especially the fact that she loves to read African Literature.  I don’t remember the last time I read a book that I did not want to put down.  Both Half of a Yellow Sun and Americanah did this too me, the feeling was priceless! I love this blog because there is always something new and different to read on, she might not be a regular blogger but when she does make time she goes all out.

5. tetehumba.wordpress.com

I am always there for the photographs.  Have you seen her contagious smile?  Whenever I am feeling down or uninspired just a few minutes on her site leave me smiling right back at her pictures.  Kumbi is a DIY (Do It Yourself) blogger and I have plans of asking her to make some pretty hair bands for me once my hair is thick and on the road to being a full grown afro!  She recently had a beautiful photo shoot session and you can check it out on this link.

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Positive Vibes Only 🙂

I hope you all had a restful weekend and you are ready for a brand new week that is filled with nothing but promise of beautiful things.

Pray tell…which blogs make you happy?

©MaKupsy 2017