10 Quotes That Make Me Happy

Happiness really is a state of mind.  I know this first hand.  Most days I’m a bubble of positive energy and some days well, some days life takes over and I drown in negative energy.  Last week was hard for me, I was facing so many emotional battles that I was convinced I was never going to get out of it.  Thankfully it only lasted a while and I’m back to my happy self.  Below are some of my favourite quotes.

  1. Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.
  2. Some days you just have to bring your own sunshine.
  3. If you are tired learn to rest not quit!
  4. Today will be F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S.
  5. One of the simplest ways to stay happy is to let go of the things that make you sad.
  6. Stress is caused by giving a fu*k
  7. Chin up Queen, or the crown slips.
  8. Being happy never goes out of style.
  9. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
  10. Today be the badas* girl you were too lazy to be yesterday!

I love Pinterest, it’s one of my many reliable sources when it comes to getting back on the happy wagon.  You can follow me and check out my board, Positive Energy.

What keeps you going when you are facing trying times?

 

©MaKupsy 2017

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15 Priceless Gems I Learnt From The #30DayAfriblogger Challenge

I blogged my heart out in September, a whole 30 days of creating posts was worth every minute of my time…

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Image from Pinterest

  1. What stands between you and what you want is the story you tell yourself about why you can’t have it. I told myself I was going to blog the heck out of this September Challenge and I did exactly that!
  2. Collaboration is key. There were days when the challenge topics were tough and I had no idea how to tackle them. Thankfully we had the option to invite guest bloggers to write for us on a not so creative day.  I’m grateful for Chantelle, Vimbai and Josh for coming to the rescue.  Through their work my eyes were opened to issues that I had been ignorant about.
  3. Having a Content Calendar makes life easier. When the challenge started I looked through the topics and I was convinced it was going to be one crazy month because it looked like a lot of work.  Turns out it saved me a lot of time because I worked on difficult topics beforehand and sailed through the easy ones.
  4. I’ve spotted my weaknesses and strengths. Before this challenge I was an impromptu blogger.  Thanks to having to do research beforehand I have become more organised and I can create blog posts days in advance.  My number one strength now is that I know I can actually blog everyday if I put my mind to it.
  5. I got out of my comfort zone and learnt about new topics e.g feminism. I always see the topic getting people in heated arguments on social media platforms but now that I am more knowledgeable on the topic believe me I will be jumping in with my views.
  6. Use of different tools and elements to evoke emotion. Pinterest was good to me, word play even better!  These tools helped with keeping my readers engaged throughout the month and I’m happy to note that most readers could relate to different topics.
  7. Blog titles.  The catchier the better.  One of my personal favourites this month was When In Doubt, Eat Sadza.  This post caught the attention of my readers; most readers are currently out of the country so seeing sadza left them feeling nostalgic.
  8. Scheduling posts was the best thing that ever happened to me in September! It gave me time to read other blogs and not work on blogging only.
  9. Excuses don’t bring blog posts! I wrote through both good and bad days.  That’s the problem when you initiate something; you can’t afford to let yourself down so it ends up being both a blessing and a curse.  I seriously think that Sweet Lips should give me a case of wine because I went through a lot of wine this month to keep myself from drowing.
  10. Trust is built with consistency.  My objective as a Blogger is to get people engaged on my blog and the only way to do so is through consistent work.
  11. You may be a blogger but you are also a writer. Once you are something you have the responsibility of being  the best version of that!  What better way to challenge your skills through a 30 Day Blogging Challenge?
  12. September has been the best month of the year statistically with 5,379 views, 3,598 visitors, 524 likes, 137 comments and 31 blog posts!  If you want to get this blogging thing on lock then becoming a reliable source for content makes your blog more useful and therefore popular.
  13. Team work is the sh*t! We had a WhatsApp group running throughout the challenge and we discussed difficult topics in advance and it helped to give you an idea of which direction to choose for your posts.
  14. Bearded men aren’t so bad after all, wait, bearded men are the business! Apparently a man with a beard comes with much wisdom, awesomeness and note there’s D on the end of the word beard!   My friend (who happens to have a beard) would check on some of my posts and read some of my drafts and let me know they were lacking my character.  Make sure you have a person like that to cross check your work before sending it out into the world.
  15. I was going to stop blogging by the end of this year because I thought I was completely out of ideas on what to write about but this challenge just took my creative juices to the next level! I now know how I’m going to proceed blogging wise sit tight, it’s going to be an explosive journey from here on.

*Bonus Lesson: It’s good to invest in learning some technical skills!*

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Image from Pinterest

That said, let’s celebrate good times!!  Congratulations to every blogger who participated in this challenge. It was one energy filled month, we outdid ourselves African Bloggers!!!  This is the end of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge and I’m happy to have been a part of something so profound.  The first time I did a write everyday challenge was last year in September and you can read the posts from here.

I would love to hear from you, when was the last time you took up a writing challenge?  How did that go for you?  Did you face any challenges along the way and how did you handle them?

I’m going to be away for a while, taking a “break” from blogging but I will still be here reading through all your amazing posts.  Have a lovely weekend ahead and stay beautiful both inside and out.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

Day 29: Are You The One Catching A Grenade?

Relationships are a sensitive subject and there is always something new that happens to f*ck things up!  Just when you think you and your partner are smooth sailing you start picking up a red flag or two and think this too shall come to pass?  Most times it does but some times it doesn’t and you end up stuck in a relationship that is slowly sucking the life out of you.  There are different signs for everyone but I would like to believe that the following usually spell bad news is on it’s way.  I know I always want to look at the sunny side of things but let’s be honest sometimes you might really be the only one catching a grenade in your relationship.

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Image from Google

  • Envy
  • Cruel behaviour or attitude
  • Negativity (general outlook)
  • Lack of interest in you or your life
  • Abuse of all types
  • Feeling that you are no longer happy within the relationship

Methinks toxic relationships can be summed up in Bruno Mar’s song, Grenade, have a listen…

You thought this was going to be a never ending post on relationships right?  It’s Friday and there is just one more day to go on the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge.  I’m going to keep it short and sweet.

Do you have any signs that you would like to add to the list?  I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 28: It’s All Fun & Games Until You Start Staying Together!

‘Kuchaya Mapoto translation Cohabiting”

Dating can be a really fun experience.  From the dates, the gifts,the getting to know each other phase.  Your partner seems perfect, too perfect sometimes you start thinking they might be too good to be true.  In my opinion it’s like that because you don’t get to spend ALL your time with them.  I think the one time you truly get to find out who you are dating is when you start living together.  I once tried out cohabiting and the first few months were bliss.  Nothing can compare to waking up next to the person who makes your heart go pitter-patter.  Lovely as it may seem, there are a few issues that come with living together, let me list a few of them.  This was my experience…

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Sleeping Patterns

I sleep really early.  On a good day I am lights out anytime before 9:30pm.  When I go to sleep I want complete darkness in the room and no background noise.  That wasn’t the same for my partner.  He loved watching TV in bed and he used to wake up at ungodly hours to watch NFL games.  You can imagine how annoyed I got because that meant I would be wide awake and most times I had work the next day and that just made me very cranky come morning.  He was happy he got to watch the game, I was pissed off because I didn’t have enough sleep.  Drama, drama!

Bad Habits

We all have our little bad habits that are magnified once we start spending all our time with someone. Things like:

  • not putting the toilet seat back down when you finish using the loo.
  • not flushing after you finishing doing whatever business you choose to partake in in the loo.
  • farting in the presence of your partner. I know this one becomes inevitable after staying together for a long time BUT personally, it’s a no no.
  • not picking up after yourself.
  • not making the bed, in my world if you are the last one to leave the bed it’s your job to sure you make it, sounds fair to me.

Household Chores

This can be a real train smash if one of you is lazy.  You might end up feeling taken for granted because all the household chores will be on your list of things to do.  From experience I have concluded that everyone has something that they don’t mind doing housework wise and something they absolutely can’t stand!  For example, I don’t mind doing laundry, it’s the ironing part I can’t deal with.  I used to do all the laundry and once it was dry I would fold it and pack it away and iron as I go.  My partner found it absolutely ridiculous.  He believed once laundry was done it had to be ironed there and then. For the sake of peace and progress we split that chore and made sure I washed and he ironed, everyone is happy.  However, the other chores around the house were a real mission because he was lazy and I ended up doing everything else and resented him as each day passed by.

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Finances

I like saving for a rainy day.  I am that one person who probably has some money stashed away somewhere for emergencies.  I don’t believe in spending all my money and then worrying about how I am going to get to my next pay cheque.  My partner on the other hand loved blowing his money.  We would sit down, draw up a budget and agreed that come end of the month we would do a,b,c,d.  You don’t know what frustration is until you get home and find out that your partner has bought a $50 shirt that wasn’t a part of the budget and now you have to forgo important things that month.  It’s at that point that you realise that people clearly have different priorities.  Don’t get me wrong, getting yourself new things is all fine and dandy but when you have talked about things beforehand it would be important to communicate such decisions for the sake of peace and progress.

Sex

This blog would be incomplete without mentioning  sex.  Trust me when I tell you, the sex will be amazing.  Well, it was for me.  Sex at any time of day, no need to send a message asking “Sweetiepie how long are you going to take to get here?” when you are feeling hot and bothered because you have your partner with you.  You can explore, experiment and get enough the orgasms because there is no rush to go anywhere.  BUT there is obviously a big but in this; when things are not going well between a couple especially due to some of the issues I have mentioned above sex might not even happen.  Couples that are usually unhappy end up not having sex and just become room mates who happen to share a bed.  Thankfully we didn’t experience this because maybe we were just sex addicts (if sex saved relationships we would probably still be together) but for some I have heard that you can go a pretty long time without sex when your partner is mad at you.

Depression

This is an actual thing!  When you stay with someone chances of feeling depressed are actually very high especially when things are not going well between the two of you.  I remember we used to have cases where after a verbal fight he would walk out of the house and not come back.  Sometimes he would go for a whole weekend and I would be worried sick to my stomach not knowing if him walking away meant we had broken up, if he was alive, if he still wanted to talk to me…I had a million questions going through my head and him not picking up my calls or replying my messages made me all the more miserable.  I ended up feeling depressed and even after he came back and we talked things through in my heart I was never settled because I kept thinking one day he is going to walk away and never come back.  I had no hold on him, after all we were cohabiting and not legally married…

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To be honest, if you are thinking of cohabiting I say give it a try knowing that it might actually work out for you and if marriage is the end goal for both of you it might happen.  They say compromise is key right?  If you find that special someone you can gladly compromise then by all means don’t let my experience stop you.

Personally I won’t try it again, I have crossed out my bucket list in that department.  It was beautiful while it lasted but I love my space too much to have anyone else all up in it.  All that freedom to just be myself and do absolutely nothing all day in peace is priceless.  Then again I can’t exactly be alone for the rest of my life it would be nice to have someone to share all my highs and lows.  What would probably work would be staying in different apartments in the same building but we are still a couple(such wishful thinking!)or just getting married and buying a big house where you can always retreat to a different room when you are feeling upset and reconcile when you have cooled down…

My favourite ladies discussed the cohabiting topic sometime this year on the talk show, The Real and you should watch it and hear out their thoughts on the subject matter. 

After all is said and done, what matters the most is how you feel about each other and how far you are willing to go to make your relationship work.  Do what works for you and for the betterment of your living arrangement because at the end of the day what’s important is your happiness.  When you decide to stay with your partner get in it with open eyes and an open heart.

Today is Day 28 of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge we are supposed to state ONLY the advantages or disadvantages of cohabiting but did you see just how overzealous I got??!!

Have you been in a cohabiting scenario before.  How did it work for you?  Are you still together with your cohabiting partner?  Are there any tips you would want to share on how to make living together more manageable?  Are you pro or anti cohabiting?

©MaKupsy 2016

Day 26: Being An Illegitimate Child

Today’s topic is “Children born out of wedlock” and I have the pleasure of having @_6_Legend as my Guest Blogger.  He shared his story with me and I hope as many people can get to read this and realise that; after all is said and done children whether born in or out of wedlock have the same rights and feel the same way as any other child.

We live in a society that can sometimes be harsh and harmful on the very people that make it up. A lot of people suffer due to societal standards that affect them regardless of the fact that they cannot change their position nor is it of their own making. Children born out of wedlock are some of the people affected by these societal standards and I want to talk about some of the things that they (read we) face due to their “status”.

Society is an integral part of who we are. From the people we call family or relatives, depending on the nature of the relationship, to the 3 year old girl who lives down our road, all are integral to our being. Human beings are designed to associate with and interact with the people around them. This interaction takes many different forms and has different levels of impact. They all, however, have an impact and no matter how small this impact is, it contributes to who we are as a whole. The nature of these interactions, positive or negative, also will contribute towards shaping who we become as people. As a child born out of wedlock, I had a lot of interactions which I know, now, contributed to the person I am today. I say now because when these things happened I had no idea what they meant and I sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing to me psychologically.

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Image from Pinterest

My mother and biological father were never together. She married another man and I only discovered he wasn’t my actual father when I was an adult. When I did discover it though, it made sense. He treated me differently. His family treated me different. Whenever we visited the rural areas, I could feel that I was an outcast. I think I knew right from the start that I wasn’t a part of that family but I didn’t know the alternatives and that’s why I just didn’t have that truth fall naturally to me. I told myself that my “father’s” family didn’t like me because of my mischief. I wish they had just told me I wasn’t one of them.

Then I learnt the truth…

I met my biological father when I was 20. I had mixed feelings but eventually I thought I should make an effort to form a relationship with him. I shouldn’t have. On our first encounter, he spoke about how he only lost touch because my mother got married and my step dad didn’t want him talking to her. He went on to tell me that his whole family knows about me and he would take me to meet them. No one knew about me. Five years later and I have met none of my sperm donor’s family (that’s all he is really). The moment I realized it was never going to happen, I stopped trying and I became happier. I am a fatherless person and I have embraced it. When I left my step father’s, I remember one of his sisters saying “ndakambokuudzai kuti vana vemusango vanonetsa”. Loosely translated, “I told you these fatherless children are a problem”.

The term “vana vemusango” (bastard children) has been used to describe children born out of wedlock for a long time. The term came as a description of men who wander out of their matrimonial homes and go “kusango” where they bear children. I feel that the term carries heavy negative connotations, the brunt of which is bore by the children. It is a term that shames children for being born out of wedlock as if it was their choice. It is a term designed to discriminate and sideline these children. As a society, we forget that we are all equal. Once we begin to label other people as illegitimate, we have taken a whole lot from those people. Their dignity. Their pride. Their association. Their being. We strip it all. And yet it is not this person’s fault that they came into this world in that way.

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Image from Google

I don’t even know what I wanted the point of this to be. I just had things to say and I hope I have at least articulated myself well. We all came from somewhere. Hakuna mwana wemusago…

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 18: Sex Education

Sex posts are one of my favourite things to blog about but today I won’t take you on an erotica journey, sadly for you.  Today’s challenge requires us to write about sex on the first date but I’m taking this opportunity to reshare a post I wrote 2 years ago.  Let’s talk sex education.  Are you taking steps in educating your children about sex or you are hoping they will remain virgins till the world comes to an end?  Remember you are responsible for how they perceive a lot of things, sex included, don’t wait for someone else to feed them with false information.  Today’s read will take you less than 10 minutes to enjoy, grab some popcorn it’s about to get real!

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Image from Google

You know that talk a child gets just before they enter their adolescent stage?  Well, I got that talk, the only difference was that mine was a very scary version.  You see, in our culture back then most parents were not very comfortable talking about sex with their children.  That job was left to the aunt but with people moving far and wide in the end your mother was left to do all the work and boy did she do a shoddy job of it.  In order to stop me from indulging in any sex her plan was to tell me stories that would stop me from even dreaming about having sex. (they worked for a while though)  I remember the day my mother sat me down to tell me how I should not have sex before I was married.  Mind you she didn’t even use the word sex; I am still to remember what term she used but I just concluded she meant sex.  She told me that if I got too close to a boy or even let him touch any part of my body her back would break.  THE HORROR!!  I didn’t even date anyone during my teen years because I was obviously scared shitless.  Why would I want a boy anywhere near me?  So that my mother’s back breaks??  That was definitely going to happen on my watch, I love my mother too much to cause her any harm!

And so I sailed through my teen years until one day a boy I fancied started writing me letters.  I was obviously excited and kept this my little secret.  I remember going for a walk with him one afternoon and then before we said goodbye he kissed me!  OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!  I was terrified!  I ran all the way home, locked myself in the bathroom and kept looking in the mirror to check if my parents would be able to tell if I had been kissed.  I was miserable for the rest of the day and when they came back from work I acted normal but my heart was pounding so hard I felt like it was going to jump right out of my throat.  The next morning and the weeks to come I woke up worried thinking my mother’s back would surely break after that kiss!  But of course nothing happened and years later I started dating, I even had sex (protected of course) and no one’s back ever broke, like ever!

I had to learn about sex through school mates and talks the women who would occasionally come to school and talk about not allowing anyone to touch your body.  They didn’t actually say anything about safe sex or contraceptives and the whole shebang.  And so I had to read about most of the things in books and or overhear my sisters talk about condoms then I figured that’s what you were supposed to use.  To be honest that was the only form of contraceptive I knew of; that and abstaining.  I still feel that my mother could have done a better job of informing me about sex and not have me wonder and seek answers from outside sources.  She did a very good job of letting me think that sex was a very bad thing not to be talked about, had or enjoyed because something terrible would happen to you.  At the same time I don’t blame her because she grew up in a time where such talks were unheard of.

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Image from Google

I asked a few friends around me to tell me how their “birds and the bees” talk when they were younger and this is the feedback I got:

“Ahh, I don’t remember being told anything by my mum.  She just told me no boys before finishing school.”

“She gave me the finer details about sex when I was around 16.  Even told me how people have sex so that little boys wouldn’t trick me with the don’t worry it isn’t sex line.”

“She never said anything.”

“I had sex figured out from my teacher.”

“We never had the talk she just said if you get pregnant don’t ever come back home.”

“Stay away from sex because you will get pregnant!  If a boy tells you he loves you run for your life!”

I am happy and sad at the same time with this kind of feedback.  Happy because it shows that I wasn’t alone in being told ridiculous things in the name of no sex before your time.  Sad because we were not given enough information about what sex really was even though we were still too young to understand it.  At least one person out of all my friends actually got to know what sex was the rest of us have to figure it out by ourselves!

When my daughter gets to adolescent stage I will sit down with her and we will have an honest and open talk about sex and not hide anything from her so that she knows how to protect herself and be aware of the on goings of her body.  I won’t scare her or tell her any lies because I want her to know she can come to me and talk about anything at anytime.

A fellow Blogger www.conscious2conscience.wordpress.com taking part in the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge shared these sentiments;

Media will have us telling our kids too much too soon but I’m a firm believer in things being age appropriate and in parenting instincts.  When your child asks you what sex is ask them what they already know, ask why they want to know, and then take it from there.

What was your first sex talk like?  Who told you about the ins and outs of sex?

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 16: I’m Addicted To Fitness

I had to come to terms with my fitness addiction at some point.  At first it was something I did to get to a target weight, then something I did to get feel good hormones, then something I did every other day because not doing it resulted in withdrawal symptoms that came in the form of feeling like something is missing.  That missing thing was running!  I can’t live without it, it’s a big part of my life.  My name is MaKupsy and I’m addicted to fitness!

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MaKupsy a.k.a Fitness Bae

Let me take you through what a typical morning routine is for me.

  • Leave the house for a run at 5:45am, run anything between 2 to 12K
  • Once my run is complete sync my run on NikePlus and share it on social media platforms
  • Get home and do floor work, currently doing burpees and thankfully today is Rest Day
  • Stretch for 10 to 15minutes
  • Drink up 1litre of water
  • Take a few mirror selfies
  • Admire my naked body
  • Take a bath and get ready to take on the world!

I’m one individual who enjoys running.  If I go for two days without running I’m good but make it three days and my body starts aching to go out and do something.  I eat right, I stay hydrated, I create fun challenges and spice up my exercise routines to keep me going.  I don’t do “diets” because I believe life is too short and everything should be enjoyed in moderation.

I have been on this health and fitness journey for 3 years and counting and you can read all about it from these links:

My Health & Fitness Journey

I Found My Purpose

One thing you have to remember when you are on this journey is that Rome was not built in a day.  You have to take slow deliberate changes, that makes it all the more fun!

What’s your health and fitness programme or lack thereof?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 15: Why I Initiated The #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge

I love me a challenge, especially one I set up for myself.  Last year I did my first Blog Everyday challenge and it showed me just how much I can do the work when it comes to committing to writing everyday.  However, looking back at my posts I was still an amateur at it but this time around my writing has completely changed, things are looking good!  It’s true, practice does make perfect.  In my case perfect(ish) because I believe I still have a lot to learn when it comes to blogging.

I sent out a message on all my social media platforms and announced that I was going to be doing a blog everyday challenge in September and all bloggers in Africa were welcome.  In no time I set up a WhatsApp group and got in touch with  a fellow blogger Thembi and we added interested participants into the group.  We had to come up with a hashtag and we finally settled for a suggestion from Omolayo from Nigeria and we all agreed to go with #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge.

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Image from Pinterest

I could have written a very long post on the reasons why I initiated this challenge but I am honestly mentally exhausted, writing is so taxing so you will have to settle for the list version.

Here’s why I am taking part in the blog everyday challenge:

  1. I enjoy a challenge, with each challenge I get to learn something new.
  2. I announced I would be taking part in the challenge to everyone who would care to listen so yes, I am officially screwed and can’t back down now.
  3. To improve my writing skills.  The only way you can get better at something is through practice and so far I have learnt new vocabulary and I’m paying more attention to my grammar.
  4. To connect with other African Bloggers.  I follow bloggers from all over the world but since the challenge started I have read more content from writers who are right here in Africa.
  5. I want to be part of something original.  In the past I’ve had to search through Google or Pinterest to look for a challenge to take part in but look at me now, initiating original challenges and sh*t?
  6. To have a visual reference of my work.  Picture telling someone you blogged everyday for 30 days and they don’t believe you?  Simple, give them the link to your September Challenge so that they can check it out themselves.
  7. I was starting to write less in the past few months.  I usually post at least 4 blogs in a week but it was down to 2 and on bad weeks 1 post a week.  I needed something to get me back on track.
  8. To encourage other bloggers to write.  To let them know that it is possible to write a post a day if you simply put your mind to it.
  9. To stretch my mental capacity.  I always have a challenge to work on my physical strength but this time around I wanted to take my mental strength to the next level.
  10. To celebrate Africa!  The way I see it if African Bloggers do not share their stories no one else will and this is certainly a great way to start.

September is African Bloggers month!

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 9: Beauty Has No Skin Tone

I didn’t know the term for it was colourism.  I just remember my mother giving my older sister a very strong lecture after she came home to visit and we could barely recognise her.  She hadn’t been home for over a month and it looked like she had gone from a brown skinned girl straight to “yellow bone”.  That wasn’t the term used back then but you get what I mean right?  Whatever product she was using only worked for her face so the rest of her body was dark and her face as bright as the morning sun.  She tried to defend herself and claim that she wasn’t using anything but my mother knew better.  Thankfully my sister listened and stopped using the product and was back to being chocolate skinned like the rest of the family.

I took this extract from my friend Tina’s blog; www.lifewithdimples.wordpress.com

I went to a lovely wedding a few months ago. I was sitting there enjoying myself when I overheard two ladies talking to each other. “Iiiiii ende akazviwanira kamukadzi kake kakanaka wena, katsvuku tsvuku futi, kaFanta chaiko!” Translation: “Ooo, he has really found himself a beautiful wife! She is light skinned too, just like Fanta!” They went on to discuss how her being light skinned was a relief as the groom was dark and so her genes would make sure the children wouldn’t be as dark as their father. I chuckled to myself and found it quite amusing that black people still actually thought like that. The more I thought about it though, the more I realised that colourism is a real cancer in our society which does not seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, it seems to be getting worse.

Methinks colourism affects almost every black person.  From young to old, men and women; somehow, somewhere the effects of colourism are there.  We have not yet embraced our magic.  There is a message that was drilled into our heads that being black is a sin, being black is dirty, being black is ugly, being black is of no value.  The stereotype message is that white is beautiful.  Think all things black people term as “the best”, believe me there is some whiteness associated with it.  It can be the school you decide your child to attend(so that they can get an accent), the area you decide to stay(because black neighbourhoods have too much noise), the hairstyle you choose to wear(so that your hair is straighter and close to the ideal “good hair”); the list is endless…

I took some time to watch this video and you should too.  You will be amazed at what children have to say about colourism.

I believe we still have a very long way to go where colourism is concerned.  Children are exposed to different messages that come in the form of toys, music, cartoons and other different forms of media that leave them believing that light skin is beauty.  However, as a parent I believe it is mostly my duty to raise a daughter who loves herself just the way she is.  Her complexion should not be used as a measure of her beauty.  I will continue to teach her to love herself loud and proud.  It took me a whole 30 years to finally realise that I didn’t need to conform to most of the standards set out by society and I have been the happiest person ever since! The advantage that my daughter has is that I’m on a mission to promote the magic of being black and she is very much a part of the movement and she doesn’t even know it!

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Photo Credit: @AmmaraBrown (Twitter)

“Beauty has no skin tone.”

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Photo Credit: @NyashaChidavaenziChoga (Facebook)

“Colour is the skin of the world.”

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Photo Credit: @_the_dimpled_one (Twitter)

“The best foundation you can ever wear is healthy glowing skin.”

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MaKupsy

“Black women are made of brown sugar, honey, cocoa and gold.”

What have been your experiences with colourism?  I know this is a very intrusive topic but I know there are a lot of stories to share on this.  I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 6: Women Creative Wednesday – RuTendo DeNise

Today is Day 6 of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge and the theme is to write about your experience at a event or restaurant.  I wrote this piece last year on the 1st of December and everything in here still applies today.  Read and enjoy, this event changed my life!

I love all things creative and when I got an invite from Lo to attend an event at Moto Republik I was thrilled.  They have a do they have every month they titled #WCW (Women Creative Wednesday) Women Creative Wednesday is an intimate presentation & discussion platform focused on introducing and educating young women on careers in the creative industry as well as connecting them to mentors and peers within the sector.  For the month of November their feature was Rutendo Denise who is a Zimbabwean performance poet, writer, model and social media success story.  

Lo was hosting the discussion and I clearly remember her saying that in Africa, the moment you tell your family that you want to pursue a career in the Creative Industry they go wide eyed and ask questions like “You want to get paid to Tweet?”  So funny!

I normally live Tweet when I attend events but this one was too intimate I had to give it my full attention and I was mind blown by the things that Rutendo shared with us.

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Rutendo touched on so many different issues ranging from drug abuse, suicide, friendship, creativity…it was a mixed bag that left you thinking long and hard about your own life.  I took my “goals” notebook with me and I had nearly 4 pages full of information and trust me years from today I will look back at these nuggets and thank myself for attending this do because information like this rarely ever comes your way.  I will give you some of the information not all that way you guys will attend events next time you hear about them.

Hello

A hello goes a really long way.  People get really “cliquey” when they arrive at events and miss out on opportunities to meet contacts they might need in the future.  When I arrived I remember Rutendo asked us which music albums we were each currently listening to just to break the ice and it got everyone talking.  Later on during the discussion she mentioned that the reason she had asked us about music was because she was nervous and trying to find a way to get us chatting.  She emphasised how a hello can go a very long way because after everyone introduced themselves we had a Blogger, Artist, Chef, App Developer, Journalist, Fitness Consultant, MC & Poet all in one room.  Now imagine if we hadn’t said hello.

Own Your Story

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Above is a screenshot from one of the stories from one of her followers that she shared.  You have to be comfortable with what you have been through.  You will stop yourself from being great because of your past.  You know that feeling of constantly thinking you can’t do certain things because people will then walk up to you and say but we heard you once did a,b,c…  Rutendo has a “#Testimony Time series” on her Instagram where she shares stories of the things that have happened to her that most people are not comfortable talking about.  This has opened doors for other people to also share their stories as well.  We are all going through the most and she has done a great job of getting people to speak up, sometimes that’s all you need, someone who will listen.

Growth

We are all seeds that need to be nurtured. This time next year you will not be the same person.  You will have to put in the work if you want to see results.  Push yourself and strive for excellence.  We have all been given time so make sure you make the most of it doing the best of what you love.  There is no time for mediocrity.

This was an experience that was worth every minute of my time.  You know how you attend something and you keep looking at your watch wondering when you will be put out of your misery?  Not with this one.  This experience was engaging and informative. My passion lies in the creative industry and getting to have time to have one on one dialogue with someone who is in it and doing exceedingly well is something you don’t get to do everyday.  I want to look back a year from today and tick all the nuggets in my “goals” book and send Rutendo a very long email telling her how I smashed all of my goals and I am finally doing the things that fire my soul full time.

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Artist, Blogger, Chef, App Developer, Journalist, Fitness Consultant, MC, Poet, Plus Size Model a mixed bag of creatives all in one room

Without a willing heart, fighting spirit, discernment and the constant pursuit of personal excellence, you won’t achieve or amount to much. .R.

©MaKupsy 2017