Adele – Someone Like You

Love is one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this lifetime if it’s reciprocal.  However, if you are one of the unlucky few who got served a huge dose of unrequited love you will know exactly how much pain can come from it.

Thankfully over the years I have had the chance to reflect and take note of some of the mistakes I made in the past where love was concerned.  In the past I have paired myself up with people who actually did not love or care about me.  I saw the signs and chose to ignore them.  A slight sign of concern was automatically mistaken for love.  For me love had to make my heart go pitter patter, lose my senses, lose sleep and have me going through extremes of happiness and sadness.  That was clearly a lot to take in in the name of love.

I used to be a bitter woman, I was mad at the world.  Mad that I loved someone who did not see all the things I did in the name of love.  More than anything I was mad at myself for not seeing something was not good for me and simply walking away when I still had the chance to do so.

I am happy to say that what I view love to be has completely changed.  For me love will not leave me close to feeling a panic attack, love will complete me, love will give me a warm, calm and confident feeling towards my partner.  I don’t think I still get butterflies, maybe it’s an age thing; but I certainly feel that this is right when I am with the perfect match.

I no longer feel anything towards the man who once shattered my heart to irreparable little pieces; I am indifferent towards him.  You will be surprised to note that this very song used to bring me to tears each time I listened to it but now I listen to it and recall that it used to be his favourite song.  Through it all in as much as things didn’t work out between us we had our happy moments.  They didn’t last but for the season they were supposed to they brought a smile to my face.

It’s important to take a step back whenever you get the chance to and find out where you go wrong.  It’s easy to sit down and blame the world for things going wrong in your life when most times you are the very source of your own pain.  You can’t choose who you love though you can try very hard to make sure you love someone who at least feels the same way about you.

I have made it my personal mission to continue to grow myself in love.  How?  By doing things that bring me joy, filling my days with happy moments, understanding that not everyone will understand the intensity that comes with me and above all else to keep learning and unlearning habits that might hinder my progress.  Not everyone will understand what I am about but the right one will know that I am amazing just the way I am.

We live yes, but how many of us actually take time to learn?  

 

 

 

©MaKupsy 2017

15 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

You are definitely one of the lucky few people on this planet if you have not gone through a heartbreak.  In my opinion the pain that comes with it is right there next to labour pains.  It is something you don’t want to experience more than once because the pain usually scars you for weeks, months and sometimes years to come.  I asked some of my favourite people on Twitter to share how they managed to get over a heartbreak and as always they didn’t disappoint!  I like to keep opinions anonymous so names are not mentioned.  Their healing processes and some of mine are in the list below.  Kick back, grab your notepad and fix yourself a strong cup of coffee you will want to keep this!

  1. Cry. Cry yourself to sleep, cry yourself through the day, cry each time you listen to that sappy song that reminds you of him, heck cry yourself a whole river!  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, crying will help wash away the pain.  Whatever you do, DO NOT internalise your emotions.
  2. Get high or die trying. Seriously.  Nothing makes you feel better like a good old smoke.  You are guaranteed of short term memory loss which is a good thing because you can focus on the feel good sensation and forget about your broken heart for a while.  Proven effects include joy, euphoria, contentedness and a care-free attitude!
  3. Cut contact, otherwise you will find yourself snooping on their social media this is very unhealthy.   I suggest you actually take a social media fast for the next 30 days in a bid to protect yourself.  The last thing you want to do is see your ex partner all loved up on Instagram.  That will actually do you more harm than good, heartbreak and social media are NOT friends!
  4. Get up under someone new.  Try this at your own risk.  An orgasm a day keeps the stress away.  Yes, I made that saying up but it’s a sure way to take your mind off your ex but just make sure whoever you decide to have sex with will actually shower you with multiple orgasms otherwise the whole act will be pointless and leave you frustrated.
  5. Listen to some music. Not the sappy sad stuff by the way. Something upbeat to lift up your spirits.
  6. Move to another place.  Try getting a job in a town hours away from your current location or better yet leave the entire country.  That way you can heal faster without any memory triggers.
  7. Keep yourself occupied. Spent time with friends, do your favourite things.  Try positive distractions such as going out and doing something fun especially something new. Amusement Park, dancing; getting out and not focusing or dwelling on the heartbreak.

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    Photo Credit: @tendai_angela (Instagram)
  8. Put yourself out there. You don’t have to rush into another relationship but just go on dates and feel wanted. It helps to not be lonely and also just for the confidence boost.
  9. Alcohol! , it numbs the pain.  Those who don’t drink can safely turn to ice-cream or comfort foods; hello calories!!  I have tried and tested this one and all I can say is that alcohol will fix the problem for that day but when you wake up sober all the pain will come rushing back.
  10. Accept that it’s over.  This is probably the most crucial point because without this you won’t be able to.  Accept it and do not be bitter, okay TRY very hard not to be bitter.
  11. Positive self talk and reflection.  Remind yourself it’s their loss and not yours. BUT also look at your contributions to the demise of your relationship.  Avoid self blame at all costs but focus on reflecting. This usually happens further down the road to mending your heartbreak.
  12. Let go completely.  You are not trying to do the whole “Oh we’re broken up but we’re cool and modern so we can be friends” – it just prolongs the pain! CUT TIES…Cut it, Cut it, Cut it, you need to cut it!!
  13. Be kind to yourself.  You will have days where you will be upset with the world.  It happens, embrace it.
  14. Time.  It mends the heart.  I know others believe getting straight into another relationship helps you get over another one. This is not everyone’s portion.  Avoid going from one mess straight into another.  That way when you say “I am over someone” you really over them. There are no comebacks.  Time is often under estimated; especially nowadays because everyone wants an instant fix. There is NO QUICK FIX for heartbreak. This is why we end up having relationships with broken people who haven’t healed from past mistakes. Be fair to the next person. Take your time, you do not heal overnight.
  15. Understand that heartbreak is a part of life.  Not just in romantic relationships but in life in general.  Lovers, friends and family will disappoint you so always be prepared to find a way to deal with it.  Learn from your experience and remember that you are not the first or the last one to experience this.  This too shall come to pass…

How have you dealt with heartbreak in the past?  How long did it take you to finally reach the point where you could bump into your ex and they will have zero effect on you?

Let’s talk about it, I would love to read your thoughts.

©MaKupsy 2017

Hello June, I’m Still Slaying!

Today I feel so good I have nothing but feel good hormones rushing through my veins!  Each year since 2015 I weigh myself on the 1st of June just to see if my weight has made any drastic change over the year.  I can safely say that in 3 straight years I have managed to maintain the same weight range.  Amazing how I am the exact same weight I was a year ago…

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S/O to Sammy for the beautiful poster 🙂

This year I have a plan for winter and I came up with a Winter Challenge that will be sure to keep the weight off.  Everyone is invited to take part it will be a lot of fun and you don’t want to miss out on this.  Today I took a before picture to use against my after picture once the 60 Day Challenge is complete.  I can’t believe my abs are disappearing before my eyes, I blame the white wine!  You can read the post I wrote last year same time below and get to see how far I have come on my health and fitness journey.  Those taking part in the challenge, good luck, it is NOT going to be easy.

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Winter is NOT my friend, look at that pouch 😦

1 June 2017: Weight 74.3kgs

1 June 2016: Weight 74.3kgs

1 June 2015 : Weight 74.9kgs

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Hello and good morning.  It’s a beautiful Wednesday and today I got off the scale with a huge smile on my face.  Can you believe that I have managed to maintain the same weight range in the space of a year.  I was actually surprised myself because given that I haven’t been running as often as I used to I would have thought I would have gained weight.  After posting this question on Twitter

experts have to help me with this one. I’m losing weight each week but I don’t run as much as I used to. What am I doing right?

Myk replied and said ” @MaKupsy running on a regular basis can temporarily increase your metabolism , which burns calories for energy.You’re still reaping the benefits”.

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June 2016

That said, it’s winter this part of the world and getting up in the morning to go for my run is becoming a lot harder.  I have been setting my alarm for 5:15am for the past two weeks and I have lounged in bed for an extra 15 minutes and then sometimes I have even decided to not go running at all because my bed will be warm and comfortable.

However, this week I have come up with a new strategy.  Instead of torturing myself by waking up early and actually not clocking in any runs I now just wake up when my internal cooperates.  Say today for example; I woke up at 6:15am.  I didn’t have time to even think about whether I felt like running or not.  I jumped out of bed, wore my running gear and left the house in a flash because time was not on my side but my run still had to be completed.  See, I can safely say that in winter I can work best under pressure because this alarm thing is certainly not working out.

I am also watching what I eat.  Thanks to this miserable weather I am feeling hungry most times and I told myself that if I don’t eat right and mind my portions I might end up gaining all the weight I have worked so hard on losing.  I am having fruits, vegetables, meat (minus beef I am not a fan of it AT ALL) extra small starch portions and drinking room temperature water because I simply can’t stomach cold water right now!

If you’re a runner what winter tips and tricks do you have that you have tried and tested?

©MaKupsy 2017

Chop Chop Brazilian Steak House

We have long since agreed that I am a lover of fine things so it will come as no surprise that I already got to check out the new joint in town, Chop Chop Brazilian Steak House.  This was actually a surprise outing so I was not looking the part so there will be no filtered selfies in this post.  The plus side of this place is that it’s right in town and just a 5 minute walk from my place of residence.  I was excited to find out if they had better service than News Cafe Fife Avenue because this was going to determine if they will be my go to place when I am feeling lazy to cook.

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I am one of those individuals who always asks the person waiting on me which dish I should try if I am at a new place.  I didn’t want to have chicken, I have eaten it in so many different forms it’s the last thing I want to eat when I go out.  She recommended I try out the Chop Chop Pizza.  In the interim I ordered a cappuccino and I was disappointed when it came through.  This cappuccino looked unhappy and malnourished; it didn’t even have a smiley face.  I have seen happier cappuccino’s in my life to be honest.  I am particular about the small details and this already got me less excited.

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USD2 😦

I took it in slowly while I waited on the pizza which surprisingly didn’t take long.  I am sure the wait was just 5 minutes and it was ready.  My Blesser Lite ordered chicken and chips and it was then that I realised there was nothing green in both our plates.  When the waitress came we ordered a veggie mix and I felt so much relief because food doesn’t make sense for me if it isn’t colourful.

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Behold the Chop Chop Pizza

Prices for image above:

Cappuccino : USD2

Mixed Veggies : USD3

Chop Chop Pizza : USD8

The presentation was alright but the truth is when I took my first bite of the pizza I was not wowed.  I always insist that if you eat out the experience must be a shock to the system.  I mean what’s the point if you pay for a meal that doesn’t impress you, might as well not go right?  I expected more from them, the way it had been hyped and the way I was excited each time I ran past the building watching renovations taking place during my morning jog… it was a real train smash.

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USD11

 

We ordered dessert and I chose Apple Crumble because it tastes divine; they serve it with ice cream but I’m used to having it with custard but there is always room to try new things.  The apple crumble did not disappoint, I loved every bite of it!  I didn’t know how to combine it with the ice cream so I just had a spoonful here and there till I had finished it.

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USD4

My Blesser Lite loves things and even though he insisted he was full after eating a whole half chicken and chips he ordered a chocolate cake which he didn’t finish because he complained that it was too rich.

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USD4

I would have eaten the remaining cake myself if I still had space for it!  I was stuffed.  I only ate 2 slices of pizza, part of his chips and part of the salad and I was good.  I had to ask the waitress to pack away my food because I had plans for it for today.  I will probably have it for lunch.  I ordered a glass of hot water with lemon because I felt too full and needed something to make the bloated feeling go away.

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The face you make when you are officially stuffed!

The few things I liked about the place were:

  • The waitress was helpful
  • The restaurant is clean
  • The dessert was alright
  • They have both a swipe and Ecocash facility

I did not like:

  • The food was bland, we may as well have gone to Pizza Slice and had a better meal
  • The ambiance was nothing to ride home about
  • I don’t recall any music being played
  • The experience was nothing out of the ordinary

I think the only thing that made the evening bearable was the fact that I had good company otherwise had I been on my own I would have not lasted 10 minutes in there.  On a scale of 0-10, 10 being completely satisfied with my experience I will give Chop Chop Brazilian Steak House a 4.  I would like to believe they are still new in town and probably after a few weeks in the business they will up their game.  I have faith in them because it would be nice to come back to something that will bedazzle me.

In my opinion Chop Chop is Pizza Slice that went to Private School.

The End

©MaKupsy 2017

Love is…Serendipity

You never see it coming and the next thing you know unconditional love unconditional love; she ain’t looking for no diamonds and digging for no gold just somebody to love unconditional love…

I looooove me some Jah Cure.  His music speaks to my soul.  This is one of my favourite tracks by him and I can never get enough of it.  The only side effect to this track is that it leaves me feeling all mushy, but a mushy good way.

What I have realised about love is that it comes when you least expect it.  That moment when you are all relaxed, no “God send me a partner already!” thoughts on your mind, busy getting on with your life and BAM! LOVE HITS YOU.  That kind of love is precious.

There are too many people in the world trying to be someone or something they are not or trying to feel things that they don’t feel.  This has probably contributed to love not being as pure as it used to be or rather as it is supposed be.  Most people have an agenda when it comes to relationships.

I would like to believe everyone wants that kind of love Jah Cure sings about but the biggest question I have for you is are you willing to give unconditional love?

P.S I know if Cyber Bae is reading this he is just rolling his eyes and saying “there goes Cupid’s Apprentice”; he calls me that because I still believe true love is out there somewhere, the only difference is only a few people get to experience it.

Love is serendipity.

©MaKupsy 2017

Relationship Deal Breakers

Show me a woman who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar! – MaKupsy 2017

Hello my lovings, it’s another beautiful day.  I don’t know why this week I have been inspired to write about relationships.  Maybe it’s a sign that I should be a Relationship Coach?  It’s the only explanation I can think of really because lately I seem to have the answers to everyone else’s relationship problems except mine!  Then again, it isn’t always a great idea to do the first thing that comes to mind right so let me stick to blogging and fitness for now.

The following deal breakers apply to both male and female so pay attention this might be the reason why one or some of your relationships have not worked out.

Poor Hygiene

I don’t know about you but personally if the person who is supposedly pursuing me is not friends with taking a bath that might be an actual reason to go our separate ways.  I think that we should all love ourselves enough to take care of our bodies and that includes basic things like taking a bath, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails, flushing after yourself when you leave the toilet and wearing clean ironed clothes!!  It might sound basic on paper but some people couldn’t care less and go around looking like they just walked out of a maize field and expect to get a partner looking like that?

Inability To Spend

Now before you raise your eyebrows I am not talking about a man spending money on a woman.  I am talking about an individual spending money on THEMSELVES.  This right here is an actual cause of concern because if you are not occasionally spoiling yourself with the finer things what are the chances of you doing the same for a partner if you end up with one?  However, this can work either way because one may not necessarily spend on themselves but will spend on their partner…BUT it’s very rare that this happens; it’s complicated really.

Drive & Ambition

Show me a woman(man) who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar!  As you get older relationships become less of “Let’s see how this goes” and more of “What’s the plan between us”.  By plan I don’t mean a couple getting marriage which is a great idea by the way.  In this case I mean a plan to work together and encourage each other to reach personal and couple goals.  A plan for what your day, weekend, month or year together will look like.  Nothing brings a yawn fest as much as having a partner who has no plan whatsoever for the team.  Remember a relationship is a team effort and if you are the only one driving the team you will get tired and that right there will be the beginning of many problems to come.  I once had a conversation with a friend who told me that in order for people to have less stress in relationships they should try and pair up with people who “mirror them”.  Loosely translated to be with someone who has dreams, aspirations and the same energy as you do that way you will be team players and not have a situation of a pilot and a passenger in the relationship.

Dishonesty

This has to be the biggest deal breaker for me.  If you are in a relationship feelings change for the worst or the best and that is perfectly okay.  It is always best to communicate how you feel about the next person because even though some of the honesty might hurt it saves a couple time.  For example, if you fall out of love with someone don’t keep quiet about it and hope things will change.  Sometimes all you need to do is talk about it with your partner and find ways to bring back the fire.  If that fails then do the adult thing and break up amicably.  Most people choose to keep quiet about how they feel and end up cheating and hurting more people than necessary in the process.  If you are about this relationship business then you have to start getting your communication skills in tip top shape.

We were all brought up differently and when you get into a relationship this is the first thing you need to remind yourself.  What might be perfectly normal to you might be foreign to the next person.  You have to be patient and get to learn what you are both about but it doesn’t mean you have to stay on if you are unhappy.  Your happiness comes first and after you have tried everything to try and blend in it’s fine to walk away and take care of yourself.

These are the four main deal breakers for me.  What are yours?

I know I didn’t add cheating but it’s so cliche everyone says they won’t tolerate cheating but most people end up putting up with it when they find out but that’s a story for a completely different day.

Today, let’s talk about what will stop you from dating that one person you have your eye on?

©MaKupsy 2017

The Other Woman

Love her or hate her, the other woman exists and chances are she will continue to exist till the end of time.  I’m not saying your boyfriend or husband has her; not all men are cut out for that.  However, if you are one of the unfortunate few he has one and it is highly likely that she is not going anywhere anytime soon.

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Image from Google

I was the other woman, once upon a time…how did I end up there?  A case of a long distance relationship gone wrong and after that I told myself I was not going to do relationships until further notice so a situationship was more ideal for me then.  Couple that with insecurities from a failed relationship and not realising my worth, I easily settled for being the other woman in a heartbeat.  I used to enjoy the thrill of the secret relationship, the attention was priceless because he would try to compensate for the time he was not able to be with me.

This is a phase in my life I look back to and ask myself what the heck was I thinking? But you know what they say, everything that happens to you is a learning curve.  Thankfully that phase only lasted a short while and was over before it even started because I clearly could not stand being an option in his life.  Believe me when I tell you that kind of emotional stress is not good for anyone, at all!   Ask me if I will ever travel down that road again?  The answer is a definite NO!  It was a phase I am not proud of to date.

That is one of my favourite tracks by Changing Faces – The Other Woman and they are mainly singing about why they are no longer willing to share a man because they have finally realised what they deserve. (love is not so blind after all) However, not all women share the same sentiments because below are a few who are currently the other woman and not complaining about it.

“I enjoy the financial benefits that come with being the other woman, I have never worked a day in my life and “my husband” provides me and our children with everything we need.” Small House

“Sex with someone who isn’t my boyfriend every once in a while is a thrilling experience, you know what they say about variety being the spice of life.” The SexAHolic

“There is a sense of adventure, things done in secret give me an adrenaline rush and I got hooked to it I simply can’t stop.” The Side Chic

“I don’t have to worry about attending funerals, washing his clothes, cooking for him, I get to see him at his best and get to spend quality time with him.” The Cougar

“I get my rent paid, my child taken care of, endless outings, someone to sponsor my drinking habit and never having to worry about how I am going to put food on the table, that’s his job!” The Alcoholic

“Since we don’t see each other often when I do see him there is no time for fighting, I always look forward to seeing him.” Miss No Pressure

“I have been lied to and deceived one too many times, it is better to be with a married guy who won’t make empty promises to me.” Miss Content

“I have my own money, I can take care of myself but I don’t have the time for a full on relationship.  I only see him as and when I am free because I have a busy schedule so being the other woman works for me.” Miss Independent 

Relationships are complicated if you let them be, but from my experience being the other woman never ends well.  It seems for the women above it is working to their advantage and they are happy.  I say, life is too short so one must do whatever makes them happy as long as it gives them sleep at night.

What’s your take on the “other woman”?  I am happy to read on both negative and possibly positive things you have to say about her in the comments section below.

©MaKupsy 2017