20 Reasons Why You Aren’t Getting Laid

Blogging about sex gets me all giddy.  It’s winter this part of the world and personally when my mind isn’t busy with thinking of different ways to make money, blog better, spice up my runs; I’m definitely thinking about sex.  If you’re getting some most times you don’t have time to think it you just do it.  I asked a few of my readers to share with me some of their reasons why they aren’t getting laid regularly and this is what they had to say.  Please note that my comments are in italics.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. Lack of attraction.  Especially after spending a lot of time with someone and you now know how much of an ass they can be.
  2. Hygiene at bed time.  I don’t know about you but I’m one of those people who are very fussy about this.  I already take a bath before bedtime on my own and if we’re going to be sharing a bed best believe a bath shall take place.  All that sweat from the entire day can’t be rubbing against me; mind you washing and ironing linen is NOT a fun activity.
  3. Love language.  Every marriage or relationship has a love language or rhythm.  There’s a spark that’s ignited when you do something that gets you turned on by your partner.  Example; some women (me) get turned on by being given money or random acts of kindness.  My pussy gets wet for days!
  4. Children.  Once you have kids say goodbye to sex with loud vocals.  You have to master the art of quiet sex and sometimes that’s the last thing you want to do.  Having kids also comes with them randomly barging into your bedroom so you always have to make sure your room is locked up, sigh...
  5. Mood.  Sadly for most women you are either in or not in the mood for sex and this works against men.
  6. Stress.  For the most part the more problems you have the less likely you want to have sex.
  7. Weather.  I agree with this one 100%.  Sex when it’s hot isn’t the best of experiences, sex in winter though? AMAZING!  But chances of taking off my clothes off are close to none, dude will have to insert his penis through a hole in my tights or something.
  8. Distance.  My partner lives far away so getting sex regularly isn’t an actual thing.
  9. There’s no one readily available.  I don’t know about you but this makes sex sound like a meal, which it probably is hey?
  10. Fatigue.  I think it’s worse when the one person is pulling in all the weight.  Imagine a situation in Zimbabwe were only one person is the bread winner and they still have to get home and cook, clean, take care of kids; the last thing on their mind is sex.
  11. Boredom.  Newsflash!  Sex does get boring especially if you don’t spice things up.  It’s not encouraged to change partners because of it but perhaps imagining someone else might help?  Then again life is short to be having boring sex… 
  12. Different schedules.  Everyone is busy with life, sometimes one person is working day time the other one on nights and you hardly get to see each other so that works against you.
  13. There’s no one to have sex with.  Believe it or not but it’s not that you can’t get laid but the options that present themselves are just not what you would want to be getting freaky with.  Can’t be accepting every dick thrown at you.
  14. My period.  Period sex is a thing!  That’s the time when most women are horniest, just know that it will be messy, try it at your own risk.
  15. Sometimes you are just tired at the end of a long day and you want to rest. Once I sleep I’m out cold.  No chance of midnight strokes here…
  16. Lack of base (Zimbabwean slang for a place to have sex)).  Living situations make things very complicated.  Sometimes you are staying with your parents and your partner stays with perhaps her sister and husband.  You might never get laid at all but if you have friends with their own places you might get lucky.
  17. I’m avoiding the question what are we.  This sounds to me like a person who wants no strings attached relations, which is perfectly fine, it boils down to preference.
  18. Being with one partner for a long time.  You now know all their moves, too much of the same thing and with zero creativity sex included is certainly not good for you.
  19. Strained relationships.  Sex generally feels really good when you and your partner are getting along. 
  20. Technology.  We spend way too much time on our gadgets we rarely ever have time to even talk to each other.  If someone isn’t on their phone, they’re watching something on TV or doing anything but taking time to speak to their partner.  That right there kills all the fun.

I think one of the top reasons most people aren’t getting laid is because of body odour and bad breath.  My suggestion?  If you’re sharing a bed with someone methinks the first thing you should do when you wake up is go and brush your teeth and wash your face.  Studies have shown that people have broken up over bad breath, for real for real.

From my findings a lot of people mentioned stress as a barrier to sex.  What are you doing to help manage your stress?

©MaKupsy 2018

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I Love You, And It’s Killing Me

You are everything they said I should not find in a woman. But I am everything they want to see in a man because of you. Child rebel monster, it seems like all my life I have been preparing myself to love you. While at the same time taking just enough to paint you with a slightly begrimed color of love. Yet you low key have been seeing me from a boy to a man.

You are older they said. By quite a lot and this bit is nothing but true. It bothered me at first but not you. “What’s the worst that could happen if we gave it a shot?” you asked. We have a shelf life we agreed, and it was to be fun and games until we both fell hard. And I fell even harder. Into an abyss of love, I fell, mind my corny nature on this but trust me it would have been worse had I settled on penning an ode to unexpected love. My deadbeat uncle is quick to gossip about you like that other lady from church I told you about. Surely I cannot take the advice of one who fails to feed his own son. If he had a woman like you he probably would not be the filth that he is. I am not letting go of you because I do not want to become what he is.

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Image from Pinterest

I hate everything to do with your past life. Simply because you are flawless and it is hard to get over the fact that I am the beast in this relationship. You are the beauty in it. But a scar from your past makes many doubt your ability to love and care. But I know you better than many, your forgiving nature is apparent; like that wart under your nose. You once told me you married a man you had no business marrying, and I feel the pain because I cannot be to your kids what he is to them. Something is wrong with her they say, she couldn’t hold her marriage together. Like that makes it reason enough to stop loving you. But I know something is wrongwith all of us who fall in love with you, because a countless number of times we hurt you but you still rise from the ashes a bigger man. Cursing us but loving us still. Scars.

You need your own is what many say to me. There is no pride in the seed that grew from “your” field I am advised. But I grew up under the tutelage of a single mother, who withheld her craving for attention and I watched her suffer in silence as she supposedly did what was best for both her love interests and me. Your kids are a beautiful part of you that makes me love you even more. But to some around me they are a weapon to dislodge me from you. I hate to love when your kids call me dad. Because it reminds me of that other person, but also accentuates your regard of my importance in your existence.

She comes from those other people. The filthy people, like we are any cleaner. My family’s hate for Shona people is beyond me. Given that our ancestry points out that we are one half Shona ourselves. Selfish much are those close to me. Wanting what is right for themselves so much so not to realize that their wishes could cost me you. And you happen to be what is good for me. Moreover, you are what is good for them. I wish they knew how many of the meals they have enjoyed were funded by your kindness. If they found out how much you do for them, will they then spew their guts out because they have been fed by the enemy?

love hurts MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

 

My best friend called you crazy. He felt that your confession of undying love was an indicator of your schizophrenic nature and I had no business dealing with a crazy lady. But he never thought I would go on to cry come back baby. So damaged I am I could not stand being loved truly and honestly. I shared with him the messages I had no business showing to another soul. And compromised our fortress of trust. I allowed a Trojan horse into our troy of love. And gave one person the power to look into your eyes smiling while in his heart taking you for a fool.

No man is an island. But I would love to be trapped in an island with you. I am difficult to love. But you have made it an easy job because that is how amazing you are. I appreciate women better because of you, and respect beyond what society dictates. I have been told I deserve better. I have been convinced I am worth more. None of these have ever considered I am what I what I am because you have helped elevate me. You are all they said I should not find, but none of them told me I would find love in you.

This piece was penned down by a writer who wishes to remain anonymous.

Have you experienced a love like this before?  If yes, in as much as you were told that someone wasn’t good for you what lengths did you take to stay together?  If no, how far are you willing to go for love?

©MaKupsy 2018

Why Women Cheat

Women cheat, it’s just that they don’t go on talking about it the same way guys do. Some of the information may surprise you, some will enlighten you, you may roll your eyes and judge but that’s the situation on the ground.   Life happens and at some point some women have cheated or think about cheating.  I suppose not everyone was cut out to be “Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes.”  A few women share their stories below:

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Image from Google

Escape from reality

Yes I have cheated because I met someone who excited me more than my partner did. Someone who made me feel alive at the time. Usually it’s fun yes but it mostly ends badly. Fact is that the guy you cheated with was never a serious thing. He was a whirlwind romance, an escape really. Sometimes the one you cheat with probably has someone in his life and he is also cheating. However there are the rare ones who are single and will actually try making things work out in that cheating scenario. Best cases are the relationships that may come out of cheating.

Forbidden fruit

I have cheated. I cheated because I was selfish and my needs were not being met and it was frustrating, got an escape, all the attention from the guy I was cheating with.  It was not everything, obviously the fun was that it was stolen wares they sell twice as dear. He called every morning, kept tabs on me, made me feel special but I never wanted to leave my guy, even though my cheating partner was okaish, It was just that a little fling to keep me sane. I eventually couldnt keep up, I loved my guy but my needs were not being met, and I knew we had to talk. The best things in life are not free, they are forbidden. the guilt, the adrenaline of cheating OMG.  I loved/love my boyfriend with all my heart and he may kill me if he knew he may be very disappointed, but ndakanakirwa hangu(I had a good time) please!!!  The other guy’s flaws made me realise my own boyfriends good side, I learnt that my guy loves me maturely and respectfully, he is human and honest, he is not going out of his way to impress me all the time but he loves me, I gave him the most breathtaking kiss ever the next time I was with him he asked what that was for, I lied…To be honest, all that kiss was saying was, I am sorry I had strayed I love you. For the record, I left the guy I was cheating with because I couldn’t give him my all. It was superficial, I had to be real with myself.  On the flip side, I learnt to communicate better with my guy, and understand him as well. Once we were in sync, paradise was peaceful again.  And you know what? I would never have known if I hadn’t cheated, maybe, who knows?

Intellectually Stimulating

Personally, I like an intellectually challenging man, but once I feel like you’re unable to stimulate my mind, or failing to keep up, I side track.  I’m attracted to men’s minds before physical appearance and all.  That was one reason I cheated once.  The other reason I think some women cheat is that you get bored of the same person.  It’s not so much the routine that you get bored of but when you know someone in and out you can predict things like reactions.  Those things then annoy you and you end up wanting a “change of environment” so to speak. Lastly, some women will forever compare their boyfriends to other men no matter what good he does.  It’s the comparing thing that exposes your man’s flaws so much, you tend to start getting attracted to the men you thing have “better” features; more money, are more caring, more attentive, bigger dick…the list is endless.

Pondering

I have thought about it. But I didn’t get to doing it because I felt bad. But it was during those times when he doesn’t give you as much attention as he used to then there’s some guy who’s there giving you all the attention that you’re craving. I think men just get a little too comfortable and stop doing what they used to do. Its the little things that they stop doing that you tend to notice; things like getting you something on his way home or telling you stuff that he used to tell you all the time that they end up taking for granted.

 

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Image from Google

And I am sure you are all wondering if I have cheated before? Well, the answer is yes.  Not that it is something to be proud of but I had my reasons.  My number one problem was that I did not forgive my then boyfriend for cheating on me.  Instead I took him back and pretended all was well while in the meantime I was planning my revenge.  It was both emotional and physical cheating and in my mind I blamed my partner for turning me into this person who wanted to pay an eye for an eye.  I really wanted him to feel the same pain he put me through, the sleepless nights, the broken heart.  Did I regret ever cheating on him? No, not even a single bit, because we were even, he cheated, I cheated so I didn’t have to grin and bear it anymore.  Will I cheat again? NO that is seriously emotionally damaging and I do not plan on going through the lies and the secrets, too draining.

Moral of the story?  Women cheat for all sorts of reasons but thankfully it is not every woman who does.  And guess what, MOST times when women do cheat, they don’t get caught…

©MaKupsy 2018

Don’t Follow Your Heart!

If you ask me, when it comes to love, I don’t learn, AT ALL!  I see things in black and white but I choose to add some colour to spice things up.  I’m beginning to believe I thrive on drama.  Let me tell you something that happened to me many moons ago; I look back now and simply shake my head but when it happened my poor heart was going through a lot of pain.

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Image from Google

You already know the narrative, boy meets girl, both fall helplessly in love and start dating.  The universe always chooses to play a joke on me and has the “love of my life” move out of the country and I’m left behind with a whole sack full of feelings.  However, this time around there seemed to be hope.  Thanks to technology we were in constant communication and even had the same Display Picture on WhatsApp.  Stuff like that makes me feel all shades of mushy inside.  I like whoever is dating me to show me off, I love it!

There was only one problem.  My current flame still had pictures of his ex on his Facebook profile.  Initially I pretended that it didn’t bother me but eventually I communicated that I wasn’t comfortable with having to see her on his profile, he could hide his albums no problem but having them in my face felt offensive.  How I always end up with partners who still have ex issues beats me?

The flame told me that his ex was going to be in the country for some work related thing and she might pass through to see him.  It was at that point that all hell broke loose.  In my head I thought  why in the world would your ex travel halfway across the continent to probably see you at some point.  Why are you still talking to your ex, why are you even telling me about this??!!!  I felt so much confusion I couldn’t focus on anything for days to come.  After telling my friend what was going on she sent me a message and said, “I told you that woman was never an ex she has always been there it was just the distance that had separated them.” 

I asked him what was going on and I was told that she was still his friend and I was being crazy.  I recall him telling me I was being dramatic.  Me, dramatic for saying what I was seeing with my own eyes!  I was drinking on a Monday after work or any given day actually.  You see, alcohol is my coping mechanism.  I was sending voice notes and never ending messages to my flame asking why he chose to pursue me if he knew he still had unfinished business with his ex.  I was listening to all our favourite songs and crying buckets, I had headaches every single morning.  I was a hot mess!

After a few weeks I told myself I was going to delete his number, all our music playlists and all our photographs together and let go.  I said my peace and walked away from the most intense emotional place I had ever found myself in.  I loved him so much but I wasn’t going to risk getting a broken heart over someone who obviously lied to me from the get go.

Months later I went to check his Facebook account.  The so called “ex” was there alright, he went on to get a tattoo with her name…  Sigh.

I need to do better.  I need to be better.  I don’t want the kind of love that sets my soul on fire.  I’ve been in that kind of love, it does nothing but bring me pain and disappointment.  I want a love that is calm, certain and doesn’t give me sleepless nights.  I know things will not always be perfect but for the most part the relationship should maintain my sanity!  Anyone can tell you that they love you, they’re just three little words after all; what matters is what they want to do about this love they claim to have for you.  The plan is to write a beautiful love story in 2018 despite all the disasters I’ve been through in the past, it will happen, when the time is right, this much I know.

I have more love gone wrong blog posts for you to enjoy, at this rate I may as well move around with a gown to showcase my Masters In Failed Relationships;

How To Lose A Great Guy

Butterfly

The Rebound Guy

Catching Feelings

What are some of the things you have done in the name of love?  I can’t be the only one doing relationships wrong, let’s talk about this and have a good laugh at ourselves.

©MaKupsy 2018

Do You Love Yourself?

I mean it, do you ever stop to ask yourself if you really do love yourself?  The decisions you make every single day that concern you, are they coming out of a place of love?  I realised that I probably don’t love myself enough, I mean I do but sometimes my actions speak otherwise.  There are times when I find myself making really bad decisions that will cost me in the future but I go ahead and do them anyway.  That can’t be love!  I guess loving yourself is a never ending journey so you have to find ways to perfect it everyday.  I have a few pointers that I try to adhere to for the most part and you might find them helpful as well.

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Image from Google

Stop Putting Conditions To Love Yourself

I used to be guilty of this.  I would tell myself that I would only start feeling happy or do certain things once I achieved certain goals.  A great example was not wearing a crop top until I got killer abs.  What if I never got them, what if they stopped making crop tops and I had been holding back on that?  I told myself  I would wear whatever I felt like as long as I felt happy and comfortable screw what everyone else thinks.  I hope you realise how short life is.  You will die this very minute and you would have been postponing your happiness when you could have been living your best life right now!

Know Yourself

You know how they say “To know is to love”? Well this love business needs to start with yourself.  Are you taking yourself through activities which will help you get to know yourself better.  One of my favourite things to do every once in a while is to spend time alone.  It helps me be with my thoughts and figure out what I need to do to make myself happier.  This little ritual has also made me actually cut out some of the activities I used to be a part of.  I used to attend almost every event in town because I mostly like things but now I only spend my time on things that actually matter to me.  Fitness, music, hair, food, entrepreneurship, digital related events, I’m there!  Ask yourself if the things you are doing are out of love or simply a fear of missing out.  Once you establish that you can save yourself money and have more peace of mind while you’re at it.

Love vs Vanity

It’s a thin line between love and vanity.  Unfortunately for me my self love is often mistaken for vanity and that’s okay.  I know my strengths and weaknesses but I tend to hype my strengths more so that obviously sends a different message to those around me.  My advice, no matter what others may think, celebrate your positive aspects while also working on your weaknesses.  Be easy on yourself, no one is perfect.

Pamper Yourself

I absolutely love hot bubble baths but only two problems almost always present themselves.  First of all too much of bubble baths will end up giving me some form of yeast infection and secondly water isn’t always there so having to use a bucket for bathing ruins the entire pampering routine!  In the end I have to make an alternative plan and take it out in the kitchen and prepare a scrumptious meal while enjoying a powered up music playlist.  Whatever you do, always make time to show yourself some love.

You can also try the following:

  • Read or listen to books that talk about self love
  • Attend events that encourage self development
  • Listen to music that makes you feel good
  • Have sex, okay I kid! Sex isn’t the answer to everything really and truly

Ever since I started loving myself more my life has never been the same.  Yes, some days aren’t easy but the moment I get back to a positive mindset it only gets better.

I once wrote about the reason why you are not happy, you can check it out here.

I would like to know; do you know who you are, what you want and what you feel?

Today is Tuesday, the perfect day to start to choose to love yourself.

©MaKupsy 2018

When The Heartache Is Over

Heartache eventually melts away I promise.  Depending on your healing process it might take a few weeks, months and if you’re unlucky like me in that department it will take you years to get back to functioning normally.  Thankfully I come bearing great news; this heartache you’re currently going through, this too shall pass and you will come out stronger!

I never thought I could be happy again.  I never imagined I could make plans that go past a few days without feeling or thinking something could go wrong.  I never thought I could ever move on from my past, but here I am moving on and sh*t.  Today I celebrate life!  Life is beautiful.

MaKupsy 2018

Fighting Demons

I have emotional demons that I’m fighting and I’ve made a firm decision that I will stay away from getting myself into a relationship until I heal from them.  I can’t accommodate anyone else with the state I’m currently in.  I’ll drown them with me and that will not end well.  It’s time I work hard on myself so that I become a better person and future partner. I believe that the better you know yourself, the better you’re able to match yourself with someone when the time comes.(I can only hope)

After talking to a friend of mine about what I’m currently going through he said:

“I also think it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.  It’ll help you shed a lot off things that you carry around that you think are you but have nothing to do with you.”

However, this doesn’t mean I won’t stop admiring lovey dovey couples, it’s part of my favourite past time.  Love is still a beautiful thing and when it does come my way I want to be ready for it, physically, emotionally and financially; I’ll give it my best shot!

This is one of my current favourite feel good love songs.  You should check it out, you will probably fall in love with it at first listen the same way I did.

Have a lovely weekend ahead.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

Rules For Kicking As* In Life

Comparison will steal your joy.

I love to read and I’m always finding useful nuggets from the internet.  This is an extract from Pinterest that I know you will enjoy.  I hope after reading this you will go easy on yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people and focus on being your very best version.

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  1. Stop worrying, if it’s supposed to happen it will.
  2. Allow yourself to be a beginner.
  3. Don’t let your happiness depend on anything outside yourself.
  4. Stay close to everything that makes you feel alive.
  5. Listen to your body, it will lead you to unlimited health.
  6. Support yourself with people who see your greatness.
  7. Make peace with your past.
  8. See all setbacks as growth and expansive opportunities.
  9. Comparing yourself to others will hurt your health and steal your joy.
  10. Don’t give up, EVER!
  11. You always have a choice.
  12. Stop chasing what’s not working.
  13. Believe whole heartedly in miracles.
  14. Don’t postpone joy.
  15. Trust the universe.
  16. Wake up every morning with a grateful heart.
  17. Remember things take time.
  18. Always trust your gut.
  19. No need to change people, love them for who they are.
  20. Don’t resist change.
  21. Forgive yourself.
  22. Your life is a creative adventure.
  23. Release expectations and enjoy the journey, there is no destination.
  24. Just do you.
  25. You’re not broken or damaged, you are perfect the way you are.

©MaKupsy 2018

Who Are You When No One Is Watching?

I get up to some pretty interesting things when no one is watching.  My favourite being peeing in a bucket. My bathroom is just across my room but the whole task of getting out of bed, opening the door, walking to the toilet sitting myself down…too much work so I just place my bucket in my room and pee from there.  It’s fine, judge me all you like, my secret is out!  I bet a handful of other people do this, I can’t possibly be alone on this one but thanks to social media most won’t admit to it and that’s just how social media is slowly but surely stopping us from being our true selves.

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Under Pressure (insert Queen audio track here)

I love me some golden oldies and that track just reminded me just how much social media can put you under necessary pressure. Have you seen how gorgeous people look online?  Every other day they are wearing top of the range clothes, shoes, hair and makeup and the rest of us mere mortals are looking like we walked right out of a corn field!  A few years back it really used to bother me.  I couldn’t even imagine posting a photograph on Instagram wearing the same outfit I once posted weeks ago, that right there was taboo!  Now that I’m all grown up I can safely say I post whichever picture I want to and that’s not even every other day anymore because data is expensive, I have other things to do with my money.

Love Lives

I used to be very anti love.  After putting myself through unnecessary pain in relationships I didn’t have to be in I concluded that love was a farce. However, I have social media to thank for changing my perspective.  Friends I follow on different social media platforms celebrate love in so many ways it’s beautiful to watch.  The engagements, dates, adventures, marriages, the happiness that doesn’t stop popping up every other day assures me that there’s still hope for me and everyone else who is waiting on their love story.

Cyber Bullying Is Real

Once upon a time I could tweet whatever I liked until I got dragged for sharing my opinions.  Nope, definitely not revisiting that part of social media anytime soon.  That experience taught me to keep parts of my thoughts to myself because you never know who is waiting to pounce on you.  I don’t even have clever ‘come backs” or the energy to fight anyone online.  I can safely say social media has taught me to choose my words wisely!  Just not on my blog though, here I write what I like.

Take Time To Switch Off

If you aren’t careful you can spend the entire day on social media platforms and not get anything productive done AT ALL.  I take time out to enjoy my life offline and come back feeling more refreshed than ever.  Trust me, you need it for your own sanity.

So who really am I when no one is watching?  To be honest, I stay consistent, what you see online is exactly what you see offline.

I love my daughter, I love to run, I love to blog, I love to drink;vodka being my drink of choice and I love life!

How has social media impacted you both positively and negatively?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

I Fell Apart But I Survived

It sure took a long time but I finally healed from my past hurts.  In my opinion the most painful thing after labour has to be heartbreak, that stuff hurts.  The pain is all consuming and you have to experience it to understand it.

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You can try the healing processes I went through at your own risk because if I’m honest in the end they did me more harm than good but I guess it was necessary to finally get past what I was feeling.

  • I became an alcoholic. I drank from Sunday through to Sunday.
  • I became “friends” with people who only fueled my new found alcohol problem.
  • I got into relationships I had no business being in.
  • I talked to a few friends; I lie, I told everyone who cared to listen what I was going through I couldn’t keep the pain to myself it was too much to bear.
  • I pretended to be doing just fine.
  • I blogged and tweeted about my pain.
  • I cried buckets, waking up in the middle of the night with a lump in my throat was the order of the day.  Puffy eyes every morning had become a part of me.
  • Eventually I sat myself down and told myself to get it together.  It took me nearly 5 years to finally let go of the one thing that was holding me hostage.  The way I saw it I was feeding myself poison each day hoping the person who hurt me would suffer.  It was clearly working against me!  It was hard, I won’t lie but I survived it and I can talk about it and not break down anymore.  Life happens, dust yourself up and move on!

If you are going through past hurts I hope this quote helps you realise that only you can set yourself free:

“Don’t keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you are still in hell.”

What are some of the past hurts that you are currently going through?  Have you devised a way to get over them if yes, please share, it will certainly help a reader or two.  You can also check out a piece I wrote on how real heartbreak can be over here.

©MaKupsy 2018