Acrimony, Movie Review

I finally watched Acrimony a movie produced, written and directed by Tyler Perry.  If  you haven’t watched it yet I suggest you stop reading now because there will be spoilers along the way.  Acrimony means bitterness or ill feeling.  The movie touches on issues I believe almost everyone has experienced in their life.  You have felt jealousy, anger, unforgiveness, you have been heartbroken and it has taken over your entire life at some point.  This movie brought flash backs of a time I was an angry black woman and never again will I allow a relationship to bring out the worst in me.

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Image from Google

The element that won me over during the movie was when Melinda was narrating life with her husband Robert.  The part where she walked to the bathroom, looked into the mirror, washed her face, wiped it and they both went from young and energetic to 20 years older and Melinda more miserable than ever.  That was a great way to transition  the times.

Robert pissed the heck out of me the first parts of the movie.  He was working tirelessly on his battery idea for 20 whole years while his wife worked not one but two jobs.  I mean, this guy could surely have looked for part time work of sort to help out Melinda with the bills and upkeep but he didn’t.  What made me even more upset was that he kept approaching the same organisation with his idea, surely there are plenty of other options, it’s 2018 for crying out loud!

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Image from Google

The movie had great picture quality; Tyler Perry movies are almost always like this.  However, parts of the movie had background elements that looked like it was shot in a studio.  A great example is when Melinda and Robert go for a walk after her accident.  I promise they could have done a better job by actually going outside instead of shooting that scene from who knows where.  It looked so unreal.

The sound track was honestly making me feel sad and depressed.  I suppose it helped to illustrate just how Melinda was feeling.  I’m not sure if that’s what he was aiming for but it worked.  I had to search for the movie playlist on YouTube and the artist is Nina Simone, I’m currently listening to some of her tracks while I type this.

The acting by Melinda (Taraji P. Henson) was fantastic, then again I’m biased towards her.  I still call her “Cookie” her character from the series Empire.  That’s the sort of impact she has on me.  She played her role perfectly and managed to portray the image of a bitter ex to the tee.

The costumes were a yawn fest.  Nothing out of the ordinary there.  Whoever was doing the wardrobe was probably uninspired or working with a budget.  I couldn’t steal a single idea for any look whatsoever. How disappointing.

I thought the movie was pretty okay until the end; the ending was horrible.  The set for the boat scene a complete disaster.  I’m assuming they shot it at a swimming pool because that’s what their budget afforded.  Surely in this day and age there’s a way to work around this to make things more believable.  The part that got me in stitches was when Melinda emerged from the water after being pushed over…she was back on the boat with the wedding gown she was wearing as dry as a bone and her hair still intact, didn’t she just get out of a whole ocean or sea or lake???  Oh wait, we agreed it’s a swimming pool from the looks of things.

Tyler Perry had an opportunity to dig deep into mental health issues but it only ended at; “Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?”.  I had hoped he would shed more light on the subject.  Mental health is already a subject that’s hushed about in the black community and he could have done a world of difference but chose to just mention it in passing.  I’ve gone through phases of mental health issues myself (Depression In Pregnancy , My Battle With Suicidal Thoughts) I know how society makes light of the subject, I was completely let down by watching the topic swept under the carpet.  Melinda had a mental illness that went untreated and it’s a damn shame that she died in the end and never got any help.

To wrap it up, I’d say watch this movie in the comfort of your home.  Don’t worry yourself by going to watch it from the big screen because on a scale of 0-10 I rate it at 6.  At least if you don’t like it enough you can press stop and watch something else.  Tyler Perry wrote, directed and produced this movie, that’s a very big deal.  In my opinion input from other writers for his script this would have made Acrimony a 10 outta 10 movie.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

 

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My Heart Is Not At Home

Each time I come home for the weekend I suffer from mental exhaustion.  It actually starts affecting me prior my visit.  My friend Tanyr highlighted that to me a few months ago when she told me that the week I’m meant to go to Marondera I suffer from insomnia, migraine headaches, I tend to overindulge in alcohol and I’m generally just a mess.  Coming home is a lot for me.  This place doesn’t feel like home.

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I still hope that some day my parents will choose to live in a different town but that’s highly unlikely.  As it is coming home will forever be a chore to me.  Our past hurts don’t easily shake off and coming back to the place where nothing but bitter and sad memories reside is a tall order for me.

You can read about why my home town doesn’t feel like home from here.

However, it’s still a beautiful Saturday morning, what’s on your mind?

©MaKupsy 2018

Make Yourself A Priority

I realised I’ve been stressed out lately and it’s all thanks to not knowing when to press pause.  I’m one of those people who are a genuine cheerleader.  If you have an idea you want to work on I’m right there encouraging you to go out and make it happen; you’re going through a stressful time I’ll be there to listen to your worries while we figure out how to resolve the issues; you’re struggling with your weight and I will give you tips, links, images heck I’ll even write a blog post for you so that you can start working on living your best life.  I enjoy being a positive influence because I feel that we are all fighting different demons everyday the least I can do is be helpful as and when I can.

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Image from Pinterest

Things have to take a drastic change.  I can’t keep trying to save people anymore.  It’s  time I start saving myself and put my emotional and physical needs and wants first. I can’t be running on empty because I’m trying to push for someone else’s goals, what happens to mine?  I’ve neglected myself and I know it’s because my passions are both a blessing and a curse.  I want everyone to be the best version of themselves but I can’t do it anymore, I’m only one person, I can’t perform miracles.  I matter, I need to give myself the tender loving care I know I deserve.

In 2018, I will be selfish with my time, after all selfish people live longer…

However,don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying don’t listen to other people’s problems, it’s important to do so, we all need a shoulder to cry on BUT don’t end up making those problems your own.  You will do yourself more harm than good.

You might also enjoy reading this article: How To Deal With Burnout

©MaKupsy 2018

I’m Emotionally Exhausted

It’s the beginning of a new year and you would think I would be excited and looking forward to a fresh start or better yet a continuation of the beautiful things I was working on last year.  I had such a refreshing getaway to end my 2017 but when I came back home to face my realities I realised that I’m not feeling too good after all.  I’m not physically ill but emotionally exhausted.  The worst part is that it’s affecting my creativity in a very bad way.

I think I’m on the verge of a burnout and I need to do myself some good and take a step back and figure out what exactly I’m entertaining or not that’s bringing me so much melancholy.  I’ve been using music as a coping mechanism and the one song I listen to every single morning is Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus.  It probably touches on some issues I’m going through but listening to it is a bad idea because I end up feeling worse instead of better; but still I listen to it!

I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel…

MaKupsy 2018

My 6 Year Old Is Being Bullied

Never in my wildest dreams did I think preschool children bullied each other.  I mean these are supposed to be sweet and innocent little human beings, where could they possibly get a mean streak from?  Turns out I was wrong, very wrong and my daughter told me the most heart breaking thing a few weeks ago.

Me: What are your favourite things in the whole wide world?

Miss Kupsy: Pizza, going to school, princess dresses and exercising with mummy.

Me: Aww sweetheart, isn’t that lovely.

Miss Kupsy: But Alex from school pinches and smacks me sometimes…

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Image from Google

I gave my daughter a warm tight hug and asked her to tell me more about the incidents.  She told me that the boys were twins but only one of them gave her grief.  He apparently drinks her juice, pinches and smacks her and sometimes takes her lunch.  I was gutted!  I have never smacked her at all and here is this little person making school a nightmare for my daughter!!  I instinctively told her that she should fight back (which by the way isn’t even in her nature) but also realised that it would probably make the situation worse for her and that there surely should be another way of handling the situation.  She didn’t want to dwell on the subject any further and asked we change the subject, which we did but I had to do something about it.  I spoke to her teacher who confirmed that the little boy was indeed a problem and they had taken to smacking him whenever any child reported his behaviour and that my daughter is not the only one being picked on, there were plenty more who were victims.  Thankfully schools closed and she won’t have to face him again because she’s off to grade school.

However, I still feel that this isn’t going to end here.  I know this too well, I experienced bullying first hand and it’s not a pleasant space to find yourself in.  The form of bullying I had to deal with was isolation.  School children can be evil little creatures!

You would think bullying would stop by a certain age right?  Unfortunately for me I had more bullying in store for me in my adult life!  This time it was in the form of cyber bullying. Turns out my blog wasn’t “cool enough” to be regarded as a blog.  My writing style didn’t conform to what bloggers from my country were used to and it wasn’t a themed blog as well.  I would sit and read the most hurtful comments and wonder what exactly was wrong with being different?  I wanted and still want my blog to be a reflection of me, I have multiple layers to me, why should I restrict myself to being one set thing? 

I spoke to my close friend about my daughter being bullied and she recommended that I teach her to be bald and fight back.  I think enrolling her in a self defence class of sort will actually be to her advantage.  As women, we aren’t actually taught how to defend ourselves, if anything we are given a whole list of chores we should be able to do by a certain age and absolutely nothing on our own safety!

A male friend suggested speaking to the authorities at school the next time it happens, or better still to confront the parents of whoever gives my daughter grief, that way it would help tackle the situation head on.

According to Google; “Long-term bullying can lead to depression and feelings that you are worthless. Some of these effects can last for a long time, even into adulthood. A person who is bullied may become an adult who finds it hard to trust others, has problems making or keeping friends and lacks in confidence or self-worth.”

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Image from Unsplash

I want the best for my daughter and I don’t ever want her to let one of the things that make her happy be the same thing that brings her sadness.  School is clearly her happy place and I would be more than thankful if you have any ideas or suggestions on how I can help her take care of herself at school in my absence.  I’m welcome to ideas, as long as they don’t involve her becoming a mean little person, she’s a little angel and I would like her to stay that way for as long as possible.

Have you experienced bullying?  How did you tackle the situation?  What makes people bully others?  Please help me understand this madness, I’m losing my mind!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

Day 26: Being An Illegitimate Child

Today’s topic is “Children born out of wedlock” and I have the pleasure of having @_6_Legend as my Guest Blogger.  He shared his story with me and I hope as many people can get to read this and realise that; after all is said and done children whether born in or out of wedlock have the same rights and feel the same way as any other child.

We live in a society that can sometimes be harsh and harmful on the very people that make it up. A lot of people suffer due to societal standards that affect them regardless of the fact that they cannot change their position nor is it of their own making. Children born out of wedlock are some of the people affected by these societal standards and I want to talk about some of the things that they (read we) face due to their “status”.

Society is an integral part of who we are. From the people we call family or relatives, depending on the nature of the relationship, to the 3 year old girl who lives down our road, all are integral to our being. Human beings are designed to associate with and interact with the people around them. This interaction takes many different forms and has different levels of impact. They all, however, have an impact and no matter how small this impact is, it contributes to who we are as a whole. The nature of these interactions, positive or negative, also will contribute towards shaping who we become as people. As a child born out of wedlock, I had a lot of interactions which I know, now, contributed to the person I am today. I say now because when these things happened I had no idea what they meant and I sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing to me psychologically.

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Image from Pinterest

My mother and biological father were never together. She married another man and I only discovered he wasn’t my actual father when I was an adult. When I did discover it though, it made sense. He treated me differently. His family treated me different. Whenever we visited the rural areas, I could feel that I was an outcast. I think I knew right from the start that I wasn’t a part of that family but I didn’t know the alternatives and that’s why I just didn’t have that truth fall naturally to me. I told myself that my “father’s” family didn’t like me because of my mischief. I wish they had just told me I wasn’t one of them.

Then I learnt the truth…

I met my biological father when I was 20. I had mixed feelings but eventually I thought I should make an effort to form a relationship with him. I shouldn’t have. On our first encounter, he spoke about how he only lost touch because my mother got married and my step dad didn’t want him talking to her. He went on to tell me that his whole family knows about me and he would take me to meet them. No one knew about me. Five years later and I have met none of my sperm donor’s family (that’s all he is really). The moment I realized it was never going to happen, I stopped trying and I became happier. I am a fatherless person and I have embraced it. When I left my step father’s, I remember one of his sisters saying “ndakambokuudzai kuti vana vemusango vanonetsa”. Loosely translated, “I told you these fatherless children are a problem”.

The term “vana vemusango” (bastard children) has been used to describe children born out of wedlock for a long time. The term came as a description of men who wander out of their matrimonial homes and go “kusango” where they bear children. I feel that the term carries heavy negative connotations, the brunt of which is bore by the children. It is a term that shames children for being born out of wedlock as if it was their choice. It is a term designed to discriminate and sideline these children. As a society, we forget that we are all equal. Once we begin to label other people as illegitimate, we have taken a whole lot from those people. Their dignity. Their pride. Their association. Their being. We strip it all. And yet it is not this person’s fault that they came into this world in that way.

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Image from Google

I don’t even know what I wanted the point of this to be. I just had things to say and I hope I have at least articulated myself well. We all came from somewhere. Hakuna mwana wemusago…

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 25: What Feminism Means To Me

Day 25 of #30DayAfriBlogger Challene topic is Feminism or Humanism or Womanism.  Where do you stand and why?  I have a Guest Blogger who shared her thoughts on Feminism with me, enjoy the read.

“I am compelled to remain on this feminist path by the many women that…feel comfortable in living differently” –​ ​Florence​ ​Butegwa

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Vimbai Midzi

 Women deserve to be treated equally, to be given a fair chance to succeed, and a safe environment to live their lives in. – Vimbai Midzi

It was a quiet realisation in a room full of women who had been through the abuse I had experienced. I hadn’t spoken at all that day, and my heart was heavier than I can articulate. There were hundreds of candles for the vigil, and hundreds of women sat in the hall – some shocked at the stories that were told, some crying, some humming quietly. My friend, who had been the closest person to me since school started, held my hand as we swayed back an forth. Without warning, surprising myself even, I stood up and began to tell my story too. I spoke with the smallest voice I’ve ever heard come out of me about a violence I wish I could forget. I stopped, one minute in, fighting tears. I looked up for reassurance of some kind, and when I looked back at my friend, she had a sign up that simply said, “You matter.” That tiny act of kindness which probably only I noticed, was the beginning of my journey with feminism and defining what it’s meant to me.

Feminism, broadly speaking, is the belief that all women and men are fundamentally equal, and that the differences in the way women and men are treated comes down to patriarchy.

Patriarchy is basically a system that privileges men over women in society – whether with regards to workplace opportunities, access to education, inheritance laws, political leadership positions or romantic relationships. Patriarchy is the thinking that says that women are intrinsically inferior to men, which trickles down into various sectors of society. For example, patriarchy is the reason in many developing countries, if a family cannot afford to send all their children to school, they’d rather send the boys and not the girls. Sometimes it’s subtle. It’s in the way girls are raised to aspire to marriage and are ‘trained’ to take care of a family’s needs, while boys often lack basic domestic skills because they aren’t expected to take part in domestic labour. Patriarchy is the reason why, for years I stayed silent about my sexual abuse, and was willing to go to the grave with it, for fear of being ridiculed or blamed. Patriarchy says that women’s lives, ideas, dreams, bodies don’t matter as much as men’s, and feminism exists to counter that.

You matter.

African feminism stems from African women’s actions and thoughts around equality within the context of African societies. It’s important to stress that my African identity is integral to my fight against patriarchy across the continent. It is particularly important, on a continent where women are systematically excluded from economic, political and social spaces, that my feminist work does everything in its power to tear apart the patriarchy that holds women back and under the feet of men. African women, post colonialism, had to deal with fighting racial oppression from white regimes, and further oppression from their own black male family members, colleagues and leaders.

Feminism is both collective and individual in its practices. Many of the changes in laws protecting women’s inheritance rights, fighting violence against women, ensuring equal opportunities in professional and educational spaces, have come as a result of the collective action of groups of feminists across the continent.  Being a feminist also means that feminists over the years have fought for me to have autonomy and personal choice –an integral part of feminism.  It also means that I’ve come to have a personal understanding of the different ways patriarchy affects me and the ways in which I fight it in my daily life.

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Vimbai Midzi

Personally, there are two things that come to mind when I think of what feminism means to me.

1. YOU MATTER

The jokes about self love aside, loving myself and acknowledging my intrinsic worth has been the foundation of my feminist journey.  Women deserve to be treated equally, to be given a fair chance to succeed, and a safe environment to live their lives in. Feminist policies like advocating for free sanitary pads so girls don’t have to miss school because of their periods, is telling girls that they matter. Their ability to attend class and society’s effort at leveling the playing field for their start in life, matters. My pain, my joy, my failure, my success, my ideas, my dreams – they all matter, and they should be taken seriously.  Feminism makes it necessary for this to be actively made a truth in women’s lives. Every demand for harsher punishments for rapists and kinder environments for rape survivors to tell their stories and get justice, every push for states to address femicide and emphasise women’s autonomy over our bodies, is feminism telling us that we matter.

2. PATRIARCHY MUST FALL

It’s important to note that patriarchy is enacted mostly by and for the benefit of men, but that women can perpetuate it too, and that men can suffer from it. Feminists fight against patriarchy as a system that harms both men and women, albeit harming women more.  Patriarchy sets impossible and toxic standards for men and how masculinity should be performed. This often means that masculinity is associated with violence, strength (the kind of strength that can never show signs of perceived weakness) and unchecked power. Men are therefore socialised to believe that they cannot be emotionally vulnerable.   for example. This would explain the rise in male suicides as a result of men being unable to seek help for mental health issues like depression. Patriarchy also socialises women to make decisions or say things that are harmful to other women, and that ultimately benefit men. When a woman judge in Uganda suspended a female court clerk for wearing a mini-skirt there were a lot of comments. In this instance, women’s dressing and bodies continue to be policed by a system that takes away women’s bodily autonomy.  That the decision was made by a woman, shows the pervasiveness of patriarchy and that; as a whole system, it needs to fall, for the sake of women mostly but also for the sake of men.

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Image from Pinterest

Feminism for me means learning and unlearning everyday.  It means standing up for myself in an environment that seeks to shrink me.  It means standing with women at all times, ensuring that our rights are protected, our voices are listened to and the war on our bodies is being stopped.  It means being unapologetically me and living myself past the pain of years of ingrained patriarchal practices and language. It means reclaiming the identity that men for centuries have given to women, and forming one for myself. Most importantly, feminism for me, is the quiet realisation that I matter.

You can find Vimbai on Twitter; @Just_Midzi she loves, supports and fights for or with black African women.  She also has a new project under way and you should watch this space for it.  A big thank you to Vimbai for sharing her thoughts, I for one now have a better understanding of what Feminism is.

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 14: Depression In Pregnancy

I was miserable from the very day I found out I was pregnant.  I was at my oldest sister’s place for the weekend and after telling her I had missed my period we decided to do the next best thing.  I think I took the pregnancy test close to 10 times before accepting that I was pregnant.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I later went to see the general doctor and I was informed that I was nearly a month pregnant.  The water works that followed continued till months after I gave birth, it was a disaster.

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Image from Pinterest

Imagine going through pregnancy with someone who keeps telling you that he doesn’t want you but the child you are carrying.  That’s what I had to endure for a whole 9 months.  I never got any special treatment, we were together yes but if I am very honest I with myself I went through everything on my own.  I went for doctors appointments on my own, I didn’t have any maternity wear, I didn’t get any back or foot rubs, I didn’t even get any pregnancy photo shoots like the ones I see when I go through photos of people that are expecting and I spent most of my days alone because the father of my child worked out of town and I only saw him on weekends when he came home.  I wasn’t going to work at the time and didn’t have any money to indulge on my cravings but thankfully food wise I loved traditional food so my mother would send through different fruits and vegetables as often as she could.  I was a moving body of hormones and I cried almost every single day.  This is round about the time I asked my Doctor friend if slitting my wrists would lead to instant death…  I didn’t realise it then but I was depressed and what was happening inside me was only magnified by what was going on in a relationship where I was clearly unloved.

My little girl was born on the 17th of September.  You would think it would be the happiest day of my life right? I cried for hours after I found out that I had given birth to a baby girl.  I thought to myself, she is going to experience what life as a black woman is like, go through all the sorts of unimaginable mental issues because to be honest being a woman and a black woman for that is not easy.

Back home with a new born baby life was difficult.  I was trying to figure out what was wrong and boy did she cry.  She cried all the time and so did I.  I didn’t leave the house for nearly 2 weeks.  I never used to cook for myself and lived on juice and water.  The only time I got up was to go and wash my daughter’s clothes, give her a bath and take care of her every need.  I remember I never used to sleep much the first few days because I was scared I would fall asleep and roll over her and suffocate her in her sleep.  It was all too much to take in.  My cousin came to visit a few weeks later and found me in bed with my daughter, curtains closed the house an absolute mess and she couldn’t believe how much weight I had lost.  For someone who had recently given birth I had lost close to 15kgs.  She took over and only then did I finally give myself a proper bath, change into decent clothes and took a walk outside for the first time after giving birth.  She was heaven sent!  She stayed with me for nearly a month until I was back on my feet again and functioning normally.

I didn’t go through depression only.  I went through pre and post natal depression!  Those who have gone through pregnancy know that pregnancy alone is already overwhelming now couple that with depression.

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Image from Pinterest

It was a rough journey for me and this is the major reason why I don’t want to get pregnant again.  I don’t want to go through it with someone who doesn’t want to be completely involved in the process.  I want to be with someone who will pamper and baby me throughout the entire time.  Pregnancy is a miracle on it’s own and should be celebrated with love not sadness.  The image above shows what I want if ever I get to decide on having another baby.  It has to be all or nothing at all.  A man who will adore both me and the child I will be carrying will make pregnancy feel like a dream.

In our culture depression is not recognised and unfortunately for me I only got to find out that’s what I was going through then years after the incident.  Perhaps if I had known earlier I could have taken steps to better my situation?  I will never know…

Researchers say that some of the triggers of depression during pregnancy include:

  • Relationship problems
  • Family or personal history of depression
  • Stressful life events
  • History of abuse or trauma
  • Previous pregnancy loss

Mental health is something that our culture needs to start acknowledging because it affects men, women, children alike and the more we ignore it the more people go through difficult situations without having anyone to turn to.  My advice to women in unhealthy relationships is first talk things through to find a compromise but if all else fails it’s perfectly fine to leave.  Your emotional well being is one of the most important aspects in your life that needs to be handled with tender loving care.

Set Fire To The Rain by Adele played throughout the time I was in labour, a whole 17 hours of it!

Thankfully my experience with pre and post natal depression is all in the past now and I’m healthy, happy and living my best life!

Have you experienced depression before, if yes how did you deal with it?

©MaKupsy 2017

My Battle With Suicidal Thoughts

In our African Culture suicide is something people don’t openly talk about.  I would like to believe there are people who have gone through what I used to go through but never told a soul or perhaps went on to carry out the act of suicide because they had no one else to turn to.  This is not an easy post for me to write because I know it will open old wounds and raise eyebrows but I feel it’s a story that needs to be shared and hopefully help someone who is probably contemplating suicide.

I have three close friends and I have told them about my battle with suicide thoughts.  It wasn’t something I just woke up one morning and decided to share with them; I had to make sure I could trust them with my dark side and have confidence that they would not ridicule me…I have always been a neat freak.  The state of my house reflects the thoughts in my head.  If I am in a happy and healthy space my house is sparkling clean.  If I am upset and overwhelmed then as you can expect my house will be an actual mess.

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Image from Pinterest

However, there was a time being a neat freak was not only about keeping my house clean.  It was my way of preparing to leave.  Why was I sticking around anyway, no one loved me, no one cared about me or believed in me so what wast the point of it all?  I thought to myself if I finally decide to end my life then at least people should come to a clean house and pack my things away without a hassle.

This happened to me for months on end. I would think about how I was going to go about it.  I walk to work and I cross a very busy street.  Some days I would contemplate throwing myself right in front of an oncoming car, other days I would think of jumping off from an office building and on the worst days I would think of getting run over by a train.  The one time I even asked my doctor friend if slitting my wrists would kill me.  I obviously asked in a round about way and when he told me it would send me straight to my death bed I had one more method to add to my list.  What made all these thoughts more real was all the suicide incidents that I would read about in the paper every other day and I would think to myself, why not; this will definitely end all my misery!  I was in a very dark space and what fueled these suicide thoughts were the obstacles that I kept facing; (heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams, low self esteem, no life purpose).  

The thing about suicidal thoughts is that you can’t go around telling people that’s what’s going on in your head incase they might think you have lost your marbles.  You will be fighting demons that you can’t see but can feel at every waking moment.  I had an injured soul and I took to many devices to try and cure it with no luck.  My friend used to complain about my “mood swings” not realising that they had more to do with my thoughts more than anyone in particular.  I could go for weeks, months on end without wanting to speak to her and some of my friends.  I just wanted to be left alone.  I withdrew from social media platforms, I even stopped going out but took to drinking alcohol instead to numb my thoughts.

From my experience suicidal thoughts come with depression which is unfortunately not acknowledged in our culture.  Tell most people that you are depressed and they will tell you to get over it.  I know you are reading this probably asking yourself why I didn’t talk to anyone about what I was going through.  Well, I did actually but I didn’t tell them the full details. What I got in return was “It’s a phase it will pass.”  Unfortunately this phase stuck with me from College days till just a few years ago when the suicidal thoughts finally left and set me free.

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Image from Pinterest

I would be lying if I tried to give you a formula on how to get rid of that heavy feeling you feel around your chest.  The thoughts of how you are worthless and how you are not serving any purpose on this earth.  The thoughts that suicide will make things right for you.  I don’t have that because for me I just woke up one morning and the dark cloud that had been hovering above me was gone.  I think whatever it was realised that it was putting me through unnecessary pain because with each day I was becoming more and more disinterested in life and I could hardly recognise myself.

Suicide is real.  I have seen friends take their lives over a heartbreak, people throw themselves off a building because of financial stress and wives burn themselves to death after finding out about their husband’s infidelity.  Before I experienced suicidal thoughts I mocked them and thought to myself who in their right minds would end their lives over things that could be fixed? I hadn’t walked in their shoes and it was easy for me to judge them.  I didn’t know that sometimes the thoughts in your head can be so bad you have to find a way to run away from them and suicide may be the only way out.  Now I understand that some people, me included will go through and have gone through some dark phases in their lives and unfortunately for some they will not live to tell their story but for the lucky few you get a chance at life again.

I am thankful that I never went through any attempt to commit suicide.  It all ended in my head.  Had I gone through with it I would have never had the chance to see my beautiful little girl.  I would have not seen how much of a positive and determined individual I have become and I would not have had the chance to write this and share this with you.

I am generally a bubbly individual. I have great days and not so great ones but my life experience so far has made me realise that we are all going through something.  It’s easy for us to forget to be kind to the next person but if you can be good to those around you.  You never know the difference your encouraging words or smile can alter their entire day.  Your positive energy may the the one reason they won’t go ahead and commit suicide.

In most cases of suicide a person doesn’t want to die they just want to stop the pain.

©MaKupsy 2017

Running With #RunWithFitnessBae

Running helped me fight obesity.  Running helped me fight depression.  Running helped me fight alcoholism.  Running helped me mend a broken heart.  I think you can tell why running is a very big part of my life.  It takes my mind, body and soul to a happy and calm place.  Since the year 2014 I have been going out to run at least three times a week to and I have not stopped since.  My healthy obsession with running has grown into a movement termed #RunWithFitnessBae . If you are active on social media I am sure you have bumped into this hash tag at least once and wondered what it’s all about.  In this episode I will tell you all about #RunWithFitnessBae

Who

#RunWithFitnessBae is a hash tag I use whenever I share a run or exercise routine I would have done on any given day.  I also encourage friends and fitness enthusiasts on different social media platforms to use it so that I can celebrate their daily victories with them.

Where

Running is the main focus of the team.  People run from different parts of the world using running applications of their choice and then share their runs on social media.  In short it is virtual running.  However, once every month team #RunWithFitnessBae meets in the park to run as a team, exercise and talk about difficulties or victories we would have faced during the month.

Why

I managed to fight a handful of demons thanks to exercise and I want to help those around me do the same.  There are so many benefits that come with running such as sleeping better, saving money, making new friends and I don’t want to be the only one enjoying the perks. I will be doing this for the rest of my life! I find pleasure in encouraging people to set running and exercising goals and then sit back and watch them smash them.

#RunWithFitnessBae hash tag is only part of a brand that is a work in progress; Fitness Bae.  Below is what Fitness Bae is and what it stands for.


MOTTO

Fitness | Motivation | Education

DESCRITPION

Fitness Bae is a movement to help you achieve your health and fitness goals in an engaging and cost-effective manner.

MISSION STATEMENT

To provide a platform for people in Zimbabwe and from across the globe to share and engage in a variety of fitness related issues.  Fitness Bae works towards enhancing the lives of the community through support, encouragement, mental and physical health awareness activities. Fitness Bae also aims to develop partnerships with organisations that offer health and fitness related products.

VISION

  • To transform 100 lives each year.
  • To establish a 100 member Park run.
  • To create easily accessible platforms for fitness enthusiasts to share their skills and creativity.
  • To establish a Fitness Bae studio within the next 5 years for those who want to exercise in a confined environment.

VALUES

  1. Building positive lasting relationships with the community
  2. Keeping open communication
  3. Managing expectations about the programme and individual desired results
  4. Encouraging fun, challenging and interactive programmes throughout the year
  5. Promoting success through team work

I hope you join me on this lifetime running journey.  It will be worth your while to be part of a growing movement that is going to make a huge impact on the fitness community.

If you are in need of someone to talk to about depression, addictions or counselling and you are in Zimbabwe these two places will be of great help.

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8 Coltman Road, Mount Pleasant
Harare, Zimbabwe. 077 354 7544

 

Stay logged onto my Health and Fitness Journey Series on Episode 2 dropping on Thursday; I will be sharing my experience with keeping a Fitness Journal.

Fitness Bae®