Day 27: The Joys of Singledom

After asking a few people they told me they have never been single in their life, like ever.  They have jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just be on their own.  I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention.  The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post.  So what is being single?  Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

I’m a mother and dating can be one heck of a tricky scenario because it’s no longer about what I want anymore.  I make decisions on who I will date depending on whether they will be good for my daughter or not.  I’m still working on that formula but trust me my intuition is never wrong when it comes to deciding on who to and who not to introduce to her.  Whoever I choose to be with has to be someone I can count on and be supportive especially emotionally supportive when I’m going through the most.  A bonus is someone who can develop a relationship with my daughter naturally.  When I feel confident that this is someone who will be around for a long time then I can gladly introduce them to her.  That said…

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photo credit from my Twitter tweind @monakadurira

I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single.  But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism.  That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.

So; about that single life.  You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked.  (doing who you please is also very much an option)  You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance.  For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single.  The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how.  That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some.  You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) Whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with!

The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active.  You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body.  Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating??  That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!

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Image from Google

Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship.  You learn the art of dating yourself.  You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.

Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:

Blog Reader 1
  • You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
  • Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
  • I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
  • Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past.  Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
  • You get to spend all your money alone.
  • You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
  • You don’t have curfews.
  • You have more money to spend on beer.

(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)

Blog Reader 3
  • You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
  • Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
  • I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
  • I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.

So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way.  If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…

You can also check out some dating blog posts from the following:

Dating While Parenting  by The Quarter Wife

Let’s talk about your dating journey, are you single or ready to mingle?

©MaKupsy 2017

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The Single Independent Mother

I have some saving tips from a single mother who is in her 40’s.  I think everyone will benefit from this post and I took this pretty seriously because she clearly has more years experience on raising a child single-handedly.  Take out your pen and paper…

  1. Cut your hair, imagine the amount of money you are spending on hairdos that you could be saving for better use for you and your child.
  2. Live within your means.
  3. Do not compare yourself with people who are married, they have a double income you only have one, stay in your lane.
  4. Save some money each month, it doesn’t matter how little, trust me it will go a long way.
  5. Do not buy on credit, especially clothes, save to pay everything with cash.
  6. Take a lunchbox to work with healthy home made meals or sandwiches.
  7. Make friends with women in a similar situation who understand your struggles better.
  8. Do what works for you, do not try to please anyone.
  9. Set targets for yourself and make sure you reach them, it might take time but eventually you will get there.
  10. Learn how to sew, simple things like replacing a button and hemming your pants will go a long way for your pocket.

If you live by most of these rules you might actually get round to going for that holiday you have been dying for!

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Photo Credit : @summer_rose_ (Instagram)

©MaKupsy 2017

I Want To Raise My Daughter Differently

Compliments of the new season!  We made it alive and in good health, that is the one gift that I am forever grateful for.  This year I have so many things lined up in different aspects of my life but today I will be sharing my thoughts on how I want to raise Miss Kupsy.  She is 5 years old now and I feel getting her to believe in herself from a very young age will do wonders for her as she gets older.

Effective parents give children roots to grow and wings to fly.

Hobbies

My daughter loves her music.  She will sing along to Nickelodeon, Disney Junior and the whole bunch of songs and jingles they play on there.  Let’s not even start with music videos.  She likes that J.Lo Track “Ain’t Your Momma” but her version of the chorus leaves me in stitches all the time because she sings it as “I’m not going to cook your laundry I ain’t your momma!”  She clearly doesn’t know what she is singing along to but gosh does she dance and sing away like the care free child that she is.  You see, because she loves music I have made sure that I have bought her musical instruments.  I got her a flute and tambourine.  Her grandparents got her a drum, my sister got her a guitar for Christmas just a few weeks back.  When I spoke to her this morning she was telling me she wants a Marimba set.   I want her to explore her musical path and enjoy her hobby.  You never know what will fire her soul as she grows so I might as well fuel it right now.

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Miss Kupsy

Career

The time I grew up you didn’t have much choice when it came to what you wanted to be when you grow up.  The options were limited.  You were either supposed to be a Doctor, Pilot or Accountant in order to have “made it in life” so you can imagine how the rest of us possibly disappointed our parents seeing that we didn’t fulfill their expectations.  I am a creative person and none of those titles were going to blend in with me.  Unfortunately I only got to find this out when I was older and had already studied something I didn’t like but something that would pay the bills at least.  When it comes to my daughter I want her to choose her own path.  Of course I will give her input on the available options at the time but ultimately the decision will be hers to make because she will be the one who will have to study and eventually work in that field.  Her happiness will always come first.

Self Confidence

Most parents have that “You can’t do this” mentality which I find pretty disturbing.  I mean, this is your child, why are you stopping them from greatness?  You parent(s) should be your biggest cheer leaders.  Even if you fail they should be right there to remind you that you can always try again.  I want to teach and always remind Miss Kupsy that she needs to know the extent of her own abilities and that she can overcome problems in the world, she just needs to put in the time and the effort to make it happen.

Relationships and Marriage

By relationships I don’t mean just the romantic relationships. I am talking about how she will relate to her friends, family, school mates, teachers and at some point in her life her partner.  My daughter is naturally a fun loving little person who finds joy in giving.  I remember buying her ice cream the other day and she shared it with three of her friends and yet when they had theirs they didn’t offer her a single bite.  A part of me wanted to tell her to not share but then again that’s out of character for her so I just called her aside and asked her to sit next to me while she at least had the half that was left.  I didn’t know how to tackle this one.  If I told her to not give her friends then I was teaching her not to share but at the same time if I didn’t she wasn’t going to eat any of that ice cream. What would you have done?

That said; I want her to always know that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.  I want her to be able to show love, to pray for discernment when it comes to the partner and friends she will choose.  To show respect to everyone and their feelings regardless of their age.  To say thank you, I’m sorry and I love you.  With these things I strongly feel she will grow to be of strong character.

I also don’t want to be that doting mother, she must learn to be independent as well.  With independence I want her to know that she does not have to get married.  She can if she wants to but I will not put pressure on her to do so.  I will teach her that life will go on whether one is married or not and if that will be one of the things she wants she has to remember that. I will love her all the same whether she will be single, married, divorced, whatever her marital status what will always matter to me is that she is happy.

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That said, I have a lot more things I would want to talk about but this is my first blog post for the year and I would want you to come back for more so I will leave it here for now.  If you would like to read more adventures my daughter gets up to you can read them from here.

I would like to hear from you.  If you are a parent, how are you doing things differently raising your child?  If you are planning on having kids how do you intend to have an impact on them?  If you don’t have any kids how do you help those around you raise their kids?  I know I left a handful of other points so please include some of yours in the comments section.

Let’s talk.

©MaKupsy

The Year 2016

Hello my lovings, I hope this finds you well.  The past few days have been the best!  Who doesn’t enjoy staying in and doing nothing but relaxing, watching TV, cooking, having one too many glasses of Vodka and taking in every part of the festive season?  I sure do and I am still in that zone until sometime next week when my happy bubble is burst thanks to getting back to being a responsible adult!

I am writing this post to remind myself of the beautiful things that happened this year despite the different challenges I faced along the way.

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Travel

One of the many things I thorougly enjoy doing is travelling.  It’s a pity I don’t have bags and bags of money(yet) but when I do trust me this hobby of mine will be in full swing.  This year I travelled to Sanganai Creek, MazvikadeiKariba for the first time and Cape Town for the second time.  All destinations were a lot of fun but nothing can ever beat the Cape Town experience so far.  I want to travel some more next year but this time maybe concentrate more on local travel and post pictures with a #VisitZimbabwe hashtag more often.  I realised that sometimes we spend so much money visiting foreign destinations and yet we have never been to the ones right here at home.  The reason I love travel is it gives me a break from everyday responsibilities.  That time out is really important and I get to recharge.  I know for a fact that before my current passport expires I should have travelled out of Africa, facts only!

 

Fitness Bae

Fitness Bae is my “Cyber Name” and it sits right with my fitness addiction.  I am a lover of all things fitness related and when I started my fitness journey in 2014 I did it all by myself.  I had just the help of the internet and my personal motivation to keep me going.  However, through reading Twitter messages from people I interact with I realised that there was need for me to create something that involved other people to spice up the journey.  3 months ago I created a WhatsApp group and titled it #RunWithFitnessBae because running is the workout I am constant with and the one that mainly helped me lose weight.  I noticed that a number of people around me also liked running so I thought why not get everyone in one place and from a group that started of with 30 members we are now up to 80!  Feel free to join the team on Facebook and hit the like button and get to see what we get up to weekly if you are not a fan of WhatsApp.  The more the merrier.

Free Airtime

If you follow me on Twitter you know that I am a big fan of the One Fusion package by NetOne Cellular. The reason I keep hyping them on my timeline is because since I joined their network I have had zero headaches and my airtime does not disappear into thin air.  I made sure that my whole family is on this network so now communication is a lot easier and reasonably priced too!  I don’t feel like I am being robbed in broad daylight. Sometime last week I got a message from them telling me how awesome I had been throughout the year and they sent me free airtime.  Like how cool is that?  It came at the right time though because I was seriously broke and I was probably going to get airtime after a whole week after my package expired.

HKD Boss

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I have what I would like to believe to be a very unhealhty crush on Freeman.  I love his music and how he dresses up so this year my plan was to get a selfie with him.  I didn’t know the when and the where it was going to happen but I knew it was going to happen either way.  Does this make me a stalker?  LOL.  We will never know.  I really like his music and I can sing along to most of them so you can imagine just how ecstatic I was when I got to watch him perfom live for the first time.  I was in the VIP and over the moon taking videos like a crazy woman. Hahaha.  Anyways, you guys will never understand my crushing ways and its okay but trust me this incident really made my year!

Miss Kupsy

My daughter turned 5 this year. How time flies!!  Each time I look at her I still see the little baby girl I gave birth to but she is grown now and an independent little diva.  She has been on my case about wanting a baby sister and just the other day she asked me what we would name her baby sister.  If only she knew that chances of that happening in this lifetime are close to none.  Well, maybe sometime in the next few years but I can’t really promise.  She is the light of my life and I think life would have been pretty strange without her.  She carries my heart around and there is not a waking moment that passes without me thinking about her.  She always tells me that she wants to be a ballerina when she grows up and she also loves her swimming (read as jumping in and out of water) and it’s one of her favourite little hobbies.  Put simply this means I have to work extra hard to give her the beautiful life she deserves!

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The year wasn’t so bad after all hey.  I could write a whole list of all the other things that went wrong but today I will focus on the positive things only.  I pray for a more fruitful year ahead and I will continue to work hard towards my goasl and aspirations.

Have a fabulous year ahead and continue to do the things that fire your soul 🙂

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

My (Ex) Maid Has Got Some Freaking Nerve!!!

Asi cei musinga dzwisie ndakambo zviita here asi ipo ndinouya munondipawo 600 dolloras.

Let me translate this for my non Shona and short hand from who knows where readers.  That message reads:

But why do you not understand, has this happened before?  Do you give me $600 when I come?

First of all, I HATE DOING HOUSEWORK, especially the laundry bit.  It’s not that I can’t do it, I can, very much so but why should I when someone else can do it for me?  I vowed that 2015 going forward I would not involve myself in any house chores especially laundry and ironing.  In the past I have had this maid come every other month but this year she was coming twice a month at most since the beginning of the year.  I have known her for two years now and we had a perfect thing going on because her cleaning skills are exceptional.  So where lies the problem you might ask?

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Let me break it down…

Last week I asked her to come through to clean up my apartment and do the laundry and ironing.  She charges between $10  to $15 or more depending on how much laundry there needs to be done.  We agreed on a figure and she came through.  Unfortunately we had experienced a power fault the previous night so there was no electricity for her to do the ironing.  Before I left I had informed her that in case the electricity issue didn’t get sorted out we would have to make plan B and she suggested that she would show up on Sunday morning to get the ironing done.  Fair enough, I paid her before leaving the house (BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!!)  I got home to a clean house as always, laundry nicely done but because there was obviously no electricity the ironing wasn’t done.  Come Sunday morning I sent her a message asking her what time she would show up to which she instantly replied telling me her mother was unwell.  Okay, these things happen, I told her it was okay and wished her mother a speedy recovery.  She suggested she would come the following day and guess what…she did a no show on me.  Me being me, I called to ask why she didn’t show up and she told me she wasn’t feeling well.  (This is when I realised I had been played).   It was only yesterday after I had been patient that I finally decided to call her and ask what was going on and she insisted she wasn’t feeling okay.

NEWSFLASH!! This same “I’m not feeling well maid” called my friend (who I referred her to) to tell her that she would be coming to work on Saturday.  Like the freaking nerve!!  That’s what really annoyed the fuck out of me.  Like really, I have been calling and texting this woman and she has the nerve to lie to me and this is after I have paid her for a complete job.  Man I was livid yesterday!! I was seeing red!  WHO DOES THAT??  I sent her a message telling her that I felt betrayed and for someone I had trusted for over two years she really did a number on me and that’s when her message with all it’s typos and ridiculousness came in.

This maid has some nerve I kid you not!  After all the little favours I have done for her and the people I have referred to her for work this is the thanks she gives me?  The number of times in the past she has texted me to ask if I needed her to come through and I have agreed just so that she can make an extra buck?   And now she tells me it’s not as if I give her $600??  She’s got jokes I tell you!!

Most maids are the same if you ask me.  They are full of shit.  They don’t want you being nice and understanding because they will just take your niceness for weakness.  I think I should start taking classes from my oldest sister.  She has no mercy when it comes to her house help.  She will tell them only one meal all day and give them a whole set of rules.  They always stay longer and don’t give her any headaches.  And here I am with my “You can fix yourself breakfast and make Sadza and whatever tickles your fancy for lunch” and I get fucked in the ass!  Totally disappointed in her and totally pissed off too!!

You would think I don’t already have any other things to worry about now I have to make a plan to get someone to come and do my ironing tomorrow!

Lessons learnt:

  1. Do not pay her the full amount until she has finished doing the work.
  2. Do not treat her like your friend.
  3. Do not use the same maid for too long, she will walk all over you!
  4. I am clearly too nice I should up my game and just play strict.

MaKupsy

 

Day 17 – I Can’t Keep Calm Miss Kupsy Is 4 Today!!!

kHappy Birthday to my darling daughter Kupsy.  She is 4 today!!  I can’t believe just how time flies by, just yesterday she was a little baby I could cuddle and give a dozen kisses but now she will give you a two second hug and wipe off your kiss because she has to run and play with her friends.  Talk about being a little independent gem!

God blessed me with a daughter with such a beautiful soul and I could never ask for anything more.  You are the main reason I keep going even on my bad days because I know in your world I am super mum and capable of anything under the sun.  I pray God continues to bless and watch over you.

This year, there won’t be a party but a big gift from your favourite aunt and me and I know you will love it.

You are my pride and joy and no matter how many years go by you will always be my little princess.

Happy Birthday Mamoyo, I love you.

MaKupsy

Why Do I Blog?

 

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  1. I got tired of writing in my journal. I have always kept a journal for as long as I remember but thanks to technology my handwriting has gone from bad to worse.  It’s a task putting my thoughts to paper now so blogging works like an online diary for me.
  2. I talk too much, I always have something to say and because those around me have things to do they can’t always be sitting and listening to my stories. This is working as an outlet for me to express my views and opinions on different things going on around me.
  3. I want to keep my memories alive especially for my daughter Kupsy. Someday I will be dead and gone and I would like her to have access to my blog and get to read all the things, both good and bad that I went through.
  4. You know how you forget about all the details that happened on a certain event years after it has happened? Well, thanks to blogging I will never forget the priceless moments and they will be right here in detail.
  5. To learn new things, since I started blogging not a day goes by that I don’t have moments that leave me thinking and adding on things to my life skills.
  6. For entertainment purposes, some of the bloggers I follow are witty and provide a good laugh on days when things aren’t exactly going my way.
  7. To get a wide readership for my work and a lot of interesting followers. By the way, I actually read some blogs posts before I hit the follow button.
  8. The original reason I started blogging was because I had fallen truly, madly, deeply in love with a certain guy and there was no way I was going to tell him about it so I wrote an article about him instead which you can read about here.
  9. To keep me sane, I have days that writing is the only thing that makes sense and it works for me, it’s more on the therapeutic side.
  10. To get over the bad and heartbreaking things that have happened to me in the past. Putting them out there helps me deal with them and move on to brighter days.

MaKupsy

I Am Leaving It All At 29

 

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29 year old me 🙂 (but I honestly feel 25 on the inside)

 

It’s going to be my birthday on Sunday and I have decided to compile a list of things I have learnt over the years and some things I have decided to let go off to enter my birthday with nothing but good vibes.

I HAVE LEARNT AND ACCEPTED THAT…

  • Pretending to be someone else doesn’t work.  Just be you, flaws and all.  Someone will love and accept you just the way you are.
  • You do not have to force conversations with anyone.  If you do not want to talk to them it is perfectly fine not to do so.
  • Not everyone will like you, in the same you obviously won’t like everyone.
  • In order for people to understand you, you have to communicate your thoughts and feelings.
  • I am a single mother and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
  • I am losing weight and working out but there is no chance I will ever be a size 10 again in this lifetime.  That’s a good thing though, I love my curves and do not plan on having them disappear.
  • You get over things.  In as much as you think “oh no I will never forgive that person”, you eventually do so and life goes on.
  • Love is beautiful when paired up with someone who feels the same way.
  • Less is more.  Sometimes all you need is a few good friends instead of a truckload of them.

I HAVE LET GO OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST…

  • I fell dangerously in love with someone who did not love me back.
  • I suffered a heartbreak that nearly killed me with depression.
  • I did not get married the man I loved.
  • I made some pretty shitty decisions in the name of love.
  • I was responsible for some of the bad things that happened to me.

And lastly I stole this from somewhere and it actually makes perfect sense and it will be my new mantra until I hit the next milestone!

“Saturn has now orbited the sun once since you’ve been alive; make this next go-round whatever you want it to be. Consider your baggage (bad boyfriends, job setbacks, body issues) lost by the airline of life, leaving you empty-handed at your new destination…”

MaKupsy

 

Conquering Your Fears! | Lung Leaving Day 2 February 2015

Don’t fear, just live right. ~ Neal A. Maxwell

I have so many things I enjoy doing but blogging has to be one of the few things I can’t seem to get enough of.  I know my friends from Twitter have just about had it with links to my blog so that to get read the days post.  The thing I enjoy the most about blogging however, is that I get to connect with people from all parts of the world.  It’s heartwarming to know that there is actually something positive that can come from blogging.  Each post you make means someone in some part of the world gets to read it, share it, enjoy it, relate to it… Just last week I decided to add a contact page on my blog in case anyone wanted to get in touch with me and just a few hours later I got an email from Heather.

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Heather & her daughter Lily

Heather Von St. James got in touch with me and asked me to share her story on my blog and help to build hope and awareness.  I am a mother myself and after reading through the link I was both gutted and awed.  Imagine waking up one morning with positive thoughts, full of life and eager for that next chapter in your life and you’re told you have got only 15 months to live!  Imagine having to undergo a life changing procedure in a short space of time; losing a lung, dealing with being new mother and trying to grasp the idea of a condition, you have never heard of before.  Imagine the emotions and fear that run through you when you catch your bundle of joy, staring at you with those big eyes. She stares at you with hope that you will guide her and protect her as she grows. You endure so many sleepless nights, you try to be positive but all you can think of is the worst and try to prepare for a future for your child with or without you. Through the pain and fear you need to be strong for her.

This is the story of Heather Von St James. 2015 marks the 9th year for Heather as a cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with Mesothelioma a type of cancer associated with asbestos exposure. Most of you are probably are wondering what, how, who?  Now try and imagine how Heather felt. Like most chronic conditions the disease has regular symptoms that some will tend to ignore or attribute to something else.

For Heather this could have been the end of the road and the results could have been drastic had she given up after her lung removal. Heather conquered her fears and decided to make something positive out of the whole experience.  From that day forward, every year Heather and her sister have commemorated what they dubbed the “Lung Leaving Day“. On this day every year individuals are encouraged to write their biggest fears on a plate and smash the plate into a fire. This is a symbolism of taking control and overcoming your fears.

This story has inspired me and on the 2nd of February.  I will be joining Heather with this campaign and encourage you to do the same and spread the word and build hope and awareness. I am motivated by this as I have experience some sense of fear and loss many a time. One of the worst experiences one can endure is watching someone who is full of life and vibrant, the glue that holds families together and who always has things under control fall sick. To us these individuals are untouchable and when we see them in a position of weakness fear takes over. My mother was diagnosed with a condition called Dermatomyositis in November 2011. It was difficult to watch her lose all her strength, failing to move her body and experiencing bouts of  parasethia. The condition was considered rare at that time and the Doctor attending to her had never encountered a patient with such a condition and was basing his work on textbook experience. The last thing you want is a Doctorr who doesn’t know what they are doing. It was a tough time for us, we were lucky she managed to pull through and we managed to get her referred to a well-known specialist. When such things happen you are left with doubts in your belief system, fear cripples you so much that you can’t reason.

My mum coped because she had a strong support system, a loving husband; children; relatives; she was persistent in turning up for appointments and taking her medication, and mostly prayer and a caring community.  In knowing that she could manage my fear was conquered. Heather and my mum are proof that a positive mind-set leads to positive outcomes. In times of pain and hardship they pulled through and faced whatever came their way and conquered their fears.  Although my focus turned to health (topic for another day), the message remains the same and applies to any situation in life. At times we limit ourselves because we are not ready to face the unknown. Sometimes you have to try something fail, get yourself up and try again.

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Heather smashing a plate on Lung Leaving Day

For further information regarding “Lung Leaving Day” please go to Heather’s Page and take part in smashing your fears away.

What have been your encounters with fear been? Have you experienced fear of not being good enough, fear to pursue your dreams because society deems it unrealistic, fear to love again because you have been hurt so much. Fear of the unknown…Feel free to share your fears and how you overcame them, it might just help someone realise that you can turn lemons into lemonade after all!

A big THANK YOU and warm hugs go to my closest friend Tillo for helping me blend this article, with friends like these who needs enemies?

MaKupsy