Day 27: The Joys of Singledom

After asking a few people they told me they have never been single in their life, like ever.  They have jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just be on their own.  I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention.  The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post.  So what is being single?  Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

I’m a mother and dating can be one heck of a tricky scenario because it’s no longer about what I want anymore.  I make decisions on who I will date depending on whether they will be good for my daughter or not.  I’m still working on that formula but trust me my intuition is never wrong when it comes to deciding on who to and who not to introduce to her.  Whoever I choose to be with has to be someone I can count on and be supportive especially emotionally supportive when I’m going through the most.  A bonus is someone who can develop a relationship with my daughter naturally.  When I feel confident that this is someone who will be around for a long time then I can gladly introduce them to her.  That said…

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photo credit from my Twitter tweind @monakadurira

I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single.  But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism.  That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.

So; about that single life.  You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked.  (doing who you please is also very much an option)  You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance.  For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single.  The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how.  That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some.  You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) Whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with!

The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active.  You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body.  Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating??  That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!

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Image from Google

Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship.  You learn the art of dating yourself.  You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.

Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:

Blog Reader 1
  • You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
  • Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
  • I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
  • Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past.  Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
  • You get to spend all your money alone.
  • You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
  • You don’t have curfews.
  • You have more money to spend on beer.

(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)

Blog Reader 3
  • You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
  • Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
  • I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
  • I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.

So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way.  If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…

You can also check out some dating blog posts from the following:

Dating While Parenting  by The Quarter Wife

Let’s talk about your dating journey, are you single or ready to mingle?

©MaKupsy 2017

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Day 17 – I Can’t Keep Calm Miss Kupsy Is 4 Today!!!

kHappy Birthday to my darling daughter Kupsy.  She is 4 today!!  I can’t believe just how time flies by, just yesterday she was a little baby I could cuddle and give a dozen kisses but now she will give you a two second hug and wipe off your kiss because she has to run and play with her friends.  Talk about being a little independent gem!

God blessed me with a daughter with such a beautiful soul and I could never ask for anything more.  You are the main reason I keep going even on my bad days because I know in your world I am super mum and capable of anything under the sun.  I pray God continues to bless and watch over you.

This year, there won’t be a party but a big gift from your favourite aunt and me and I know you will love it.

You are my pride and joy and no matter how many years go by you will always be my little princess.

Happy Birthday Mamoyo, I love you.

MaKupsy

Conquering Your Fears! | Lung Leaving Day 2 February 2015

Don’t fear, just live right. ~ Neal A. Maxwell

I have so many things I enjoy doing but blogging has to be one of the few things I can’t seem to get enough of.  I know my friends from Twitter have just about had it with links to my blog so that to get read the days post.  The thing I enjoy the most about blogging however, is that I get to connect with people from all parts of the world.  It’s heartwarming to know that there is actually something positive that can come from blogging.  Each post you make means someone in some part of the world gets to read it, share it, enjoy it, relate to it… Just last week I decided to add a contact page on my blog in case anyone wanted to get in touch with me and just a few hours later I got an email from Heather.

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Heather & her daughter Lily

Heather Von St. James got in touch with me and asked me to share her story on my blog and help to build hope and awareness.  I am a mother myself and after reading through the link I was both gutted and awed.  Imagine waking up one morning with positive thoughts, full of life and eager for that next chapter in your life and you’re told you have got only 15 months to live!  Imagine having to undergo a life changing procedure in a short space of time; losing a lung, dealing with being new mother and trying to grasp the idea of a condition, you have never heard of before.  Imagine the emotions and fear that run through you when you catch your bundle of joy, staring at you with those big eyes. She stares at you with hope that you will guide her and protect her as she grows. You endure so many sleepless nights, you try to be positive but all you can think of is the worst and try to prepare for a future for your child with or without you. Through the pain and fear you need to be strong for her.

This is the story of Heather Von St James. 2015 marks the 9th year for Heather as a cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with Mesothelioma a type of cancer associated with asbestos exposure. Most of you are probably are wondering what, how, who?  Now try and imagine how Heather felt. Like most chronic conditions the disease has regular symptoms that some will tend to ignore or attribute to something else.

For Heather this could have been the end of the road and the results could have been drastic had she given up after her lung removal. Heather conquered her fears and decided to make something positive out of the whole experience.  From that day forward, every year Heather and her sister have commemorated what they dubbed the “Lung Leaving Day“. On this day every year individuals are encouraged to write their biggest fears on a plate and smash the plate into a fire. This is a symbolism of taking control and overcoming your fears.

This story has inspired me and on the 2nd of February.  I will be joining Heather with this campaign and encourage you to do the same and spread the word and build hope and awareness. I am motivated by this as I have experience some sense of fear and loss many a time. One of the worst experiences one can endure is watching someone who is full of life and vibrant, the glue that holds families together and who always has things under control fall sick. To us these individuals are untouchable and when we see them in a position of weakness fear takes over. My mother was diagnosed with a condition called Dermatomyositis in November 2011. It was difficult to watch her lose all her strength, failing to move her body and experiencing bouts of  parasethia. The condition was considered rare at that time and the Doctor attending to her had never encountered a patient with such a condition and was basing his work on textbook experience. The last thing you want is a Doctorr who doesn’t know what they are doing. It was a tough time for us, we were lucky she managed to pull through and we managed to get her referred to a well-known specialist. When such things happen you are left with doubts in your belief system, fear cripples you so much that you can’t reason.

My mum coped because she had a strong support system, a loving husband; children; relatives; she was persistent in turning up for appointments and taking her medication, and mostly prayer and a caring community.  In knowing that she could manage my fear was conquered. Heather and my mum are proof that a positive mind-set leads to positive outcomes. In times of pain and hardship they pulled through and faced whatever came their way and conquered their fears.  Although my focus turned to health (topic for another day), the message remains the same and applies to any situation in life. At times we limit ourselves because we are not ready to face the unknown. Sometimes you have to try something fail, get yourself up and try again.

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Heather smashing a plate on Lung Leaving Day

For further information regarding “Lung Leaving Day” please go to Heather’s Page and take part in smashing your fears away.

What have been your encounters with fear been? Have you experienced fear of not being good enough, fear to pursue your dreams because society deems it unrealistic, fear to love again because you have been hurt so much. Fear of the unknown…Feel free to share your fears and how you overcame them, it might just help someone realise that you can turn lemons into lemonade after all!

A big THANK YOU and warm hugs go to my closest friend Tillo for helping me blend this article, with friends like these who needs enemies?

MaKupsy