Day 27: The Joys of Singledom

After asking a few people they told me they have never been single in their life, like ever.  They have jumped from one relationship to the next and never had the chance to just be on their own.  I know one friend who told me she would never cope being single because she is so used to having a man on her arm showering her with love and attention.  The reasons she told me about always being in a relationship will obviously be a topic for a different day because that will just spoil the mood I am trying to set in this post.  So what is being single?  Google will have you know that they define single as not married or not having a serious romantic relationship with someone.

I’m a mother and dating can be one heck of a tricky scenario because it’s no longer about what I want anymore.  I make decisions on who I will date depending on whether they will be good for my daughter or not.  I’m still working on that formula but trust me my intuition is never wrong when it comes to deciding on who to and who not to introduce to her.  Whoever I choose to be with has to be someone I can count on and be supportive especially emotionally supportive when I’m going through the most.  A bonus is someone who can develop a relationship with my daughter naturally.  When I feel confident that this is someone who will be around for a long time then I can gladly introduce them to her.  That said…

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photo credit from my Twitter tweind @monakadurira

I initially wanted to look at both the good and the bad things about being single.  But I decided not to because I am in a happy place and want to keep everything around me filled with positivism.  That said let me jump right into the joys of singledom and then later on add a few people’s views on their single status.

So; about that single life.  You do not have to answer to no one and that means you can do as you please, no questions asked.  (doing who you please is also very much an option)  You have this thing called “me time” that comes in abundance.  For someone who likes her space like me it’s the best thing about being single.  The other thing that just brings a huge smile on my face is that when you are single you are not busy worrying about what your partner is up to, with who, why, where and how.  That can be really taxing on your emotions given the rate at which most people don’t seem to be taking their relationships seriously these days and cheating has become a way of life for some.  You can sleep on your own in your own bed in any way you like, you can sleep like a starfish, upside down, back to front, inside out (does that even exist?) Whatever the case you have all that sleeping space to yourself and no snoring or farting partner to deal with!

The trip to New Start Centre is a breeze when you are single and have not been sexually active.  You can go there with your head up knowing you have been good to yourself and your body.  Have you been to New Start Centre when you have been busy sexing your boyfriend without protection and then found out he has been cheating??  That’s round about the time you wish you had stayed single and celibate and wish you could just cut out your vagina and throw it straight into the sea because it is clearly giving you unnecessary stress!

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Image from Google

Anywho, let’s see, what else is great about being single…oh yes, you get to treat yourself right and that can also be a yardstick for the way you would want your partner to treat you when you get into a relationship.  You learn the art of dating yourself.  You can try out going for dinner, a movie, coffee, stand up comedy, anything that tickles your fancy because there is no way you should miss out on the fun side of life just because you do not have anyone to share it with.

Some of my single blog readers had a few tips to share on what they love about being single, here goes:

Blog Reader 1
  • You can be alone and learn to love it, live with it, use that “alone time” to love yourself and nurture yourself! You deserve it!
  • Being single is the perfect time to amend your relationship with God, draw closer to God as well as to give all your petitions to Him.
  • I love having to make decisions without having to consider if someone else will be okay with it.
  • Less stress if you have had to deal with a cheating partner and their shenanigans in the past.  Being single means you have peace of mind.
Blog Reader 2
  • You get to spend all your money alone.
  • You have the freedom to have sex with any woman guiltlessly.
  • You don’t have curfews.
  • You have more money to spend on beer.

(I’m sure you can tell this blog reader is a guy!)

Blog Reader 3
  • You concentrate on whatever it is that makes you happy.
  • Being single means no unnecessary insecurities.
  • I’m at less risk of sexual immorality because I’m single.
  • I want to empower myself before anything else so right now I can fully concentrate on my goals without the distraction of a significant other.

So to everyone who says being single sucks, I guess you have been looking at it the wrong way.  If you are single there is hope for you to enjoy the season if you stop whining and take a step back to look at all the good things that come from flying solo…

You can also check out some dating blog posts from the following:

Dating While Parenting  by The Quarter Wife

Let’s talk about your dating journey, are you single or ready to mingle?

©MaKupsy 2017

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The Single Independent Mother

I have some saving tips from a single mother who is in her 40’s.  I think everyone will benefit from this post and I took this pretty seriously because she clearly has more years experience on raising a child single-handedly.  Take out your pen and paper…

  1. Cut your hair, imagine the amount of money you are spending on hairdos that you could be saving for better use for you and your child.
  2. Live within your means.
  3. Do not compare yourself with people who are married, they have a double income you only have one, stay in your lane.
  4. Save some money each month, it doesn’t matter how little, trust me it will go a long way.
  5. Do not buy on credit, especially clothes, save to pay everything with cash.
  6. Take a lunchbox to work with healthy home made meals or sandwiches.
  7. Make friends with women in a similar situation who understand your struggles better.
  8. Do what works for you, do not try to please anyone.
  9. Set targets for yourself and make sure you reach them, it might take time but eventually you will get there.
  10. Learn how to sew, simple things like replacing a button and hemming your pants will go a long way for your pocket.

If you live by most of these rules you might actually get round to going for that holiday you have been dying for!

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Photo Credit : @summer_rose_ (Instagram)

©MaKupsy 2017

My (Ex) Maid Has Got Some Freaking Nerve!!!

Asi cei musinga dzwisie ndakambo zviita here asi ipo ndinouya munondipawo 600 dolloras.

Let me translate this for my non Shona and short hand from who knows where readers.  That message reads:

But why do you not understand, has this happened before?  Do you give me $600 when I come?

First of all, I HATE DOING HOUSEWORK, especially the laundry bit.  It’s not that I can’t do it, I can, very much so but why should I when someone else can do it for me?  I vowed that 2015 going forward I would not involve myself in any house chores especially laundry and ironing.  In the past I have had this maid come every other month but this year she was coming twice a month at most since the beginning of the year.  I have known her for two years now and we had a perfect thing going on because her cleaning skills are exceptional.  So where lies the problem you might ask?

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Let me break it down…

Last week I asked her to come through to clean up my apartment and do the laundry and ironing.  She charges between $10  to $15 or more depending on how much laundry there needs to be done.  We agreed on a figure and she came through.  Unfortunately we had experienced a power fault the previous night so there was no electricity for her to do the ironing.  Before I left I had informed her that in case the electricity issue didn’t get sorted out we would have to make plan B and she suggested that she would show up on Sunday morning to get the ironing done.  Fair enough, I paid her before leaving the house (BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER!!)  I got home to a clean house as always, laundry nicely done but because there was obviously no electricity the ironing wasn’t done.  Come Sunday morning I sent her a message asking her what time she would show up to which she instantly replied telling me her mother was unwell.  Okay, these things happen, I told her it was okay and wished her mother a speedy recovery.  She suggested she would come the following day and guess what…she did a no show on me.  Me being me, I called to ask why she didn’t show up and she told me she wasn’t feeling well.  (This is when I realised I had been played).   It was only yesterday after I had been patient that I finally decided to call her and ask what was going on and she insisted she wasn’t feeling okay.

NEWSFLASH!! This same “I’m not feeling well maid” called my friend (who I referred her to) to tell her that she would be coming to work on Saturday.  Like the freaking nerve!!  That’s what really annoyed the fuck out of me.  Like really, I have been calling and texting this woman and she has the nerve to lie to me and this is after I have paid her for a complete job.  Man I was livid yesterday!! I was seeing red!  WHO DOES THAT??  I sent her a message telling her that I felt betrayed and for someone I had trusted for over two years she really did a number on me and that’s when her message with all it’s typos and ridiculousness came in.

This maid has some nerve I kid you not!  After all the little favours I have done for her and the people I have referred to her for work this is the thanks she gives me?  The number of times in the past she has texted me to ask if I needed her to come through and I have agreed just so that she can make an extra buck?   And now she tells me it’s not as if I give her $600??  She’s got jokes I tell you!!

Most maids are the same if you ask me.  They are full of shit.  They don’t want you being nice and understanding because they will just take your niceness for weakness.  I think I should start taking classes from my oldest sister.  She has no mercy when it comes to her house help.  She will tell them only one meal all day and give them a whole set of rules.  They always stay longer and don’t give her any headaches.  And here I am with my “You can fix yourself breakfast and make Sadza and whatever tickles your fancy for lunch” and I get fucked in the ass!  Totally disappointed in her and totally pissed off too!!

You would think I don’t already have any other things to worry about now I have to make a plan to get someone to come and do my ironing tomorrow!

Lessons learnt:

  1. Do not pay her the full amount until she has finished doing the work.
  2. Do not treat her like your friend.
  3. Do not use the same maid for too long, she will walk all over you!
  4. I am clearly too nice I should up my game and just play strict.

MaKupsy

 

Day 17 – I Can’t Keep Calm Miss Kupsy Is 4 Today!!!

kHappy Birthday to my darling daughter Kupsy.  She is 4 today!!  I can’t believe just how time flies by, just yesterday she was a little baby I could cuddle and give a dozen kisses but now she will give you a two second hug and wipe off your kiss because she has to run and play with her friends.  Talk about being a little independent gem!

God blessed me with a daughter with such a beautiful soul and I could never ask for anything more.  You are the main reason I keep going even on my bad days because I know in your world I am super mum and capable of anything under the sun.  I pray God continues to bless and watch over you.

This year, there won’t be a party but a big gift from your favourite aunt and me and I know you will love it.

You are my pride and joy and no matter how many years go by you will always be my little princess.

Happy Birthday Mamoyo, I love you.

MaKupsy

Conquering Your Fears! | Lung Leaving Day 2 February 2015

Don’t fear, just live right. ~ Neal A. Maxwell

I have so many things I enjoy doing but blogging has to be one of the few things I can’t seem to get enough of.  I know my friends from Twitter have just about had it with links to my blog so that to get read the days post.  The thing I enjoy the most about blogging however, is that I get to connect with people from all parts of the world.  It’s heartwarming to know that there is actually something positive that can come from blogging.  Each post you make means someone in some part of the world gets to read it, share it, enjoy it, relate to it… Just last week I decided to add a contact page on my blog in case anyone wanted to get in touch with me and just a few hours later I got an email from Heather.

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Heather & her daughter Lily

Heather Von St. James got in touch with me and asked me to share her story on my blog and help to build hope and awareness.  I am a mother myself and after reading through the link I was both gutted and awed.  Imagine waking up one morning with positive thoughts, full of life and eager for that next chapter in your life and you’re told you have got only 15 months to live!  Imagine having to undergo a life changing procedure in a short space of time; losing a lung, dealing with being new mother and trying to grasp the idea of a condition, you have never heard of before.  Imagine the emotions and fear that run through you when you catch your bundle of joy, staring at you with those big eyes. She stares at you with hope that you will guide her and protect her as she grows. You endure so many sleepless nights, you try to be positive but all you can think of is the worst and try to prepare for a future for your child with or without you. Through the pain and fear you need to be strong for her.

This is the story of Heather Von St James. 2015 marks the 9th year for Heather as a cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with Mesothelioma a type of cancer associated with asbestos exposure. Most of you are probably are wondering what, how, who?  Now try and imagine how Heather felt. Like most chronic conditions the disease has regular symptoms that some will tend to ignore or attribute to something else.

For Heather this could have been the end of the road and the results could have been drastic had she given up after her lung removal. Heather conquered her fears and decided to make something positive out of the whole experience.  From that day forward, every year Heather and her sister have commemorated what they dubbed the “Lung Leaving Day“. On this day every year individuals are encouraged to write their biggest fears on a plate and smash the plate into a fire. This is a symbolism of taking control and overcoming your fears.

This story has inspired me and on the 2nd of February.  I will be joining Heather with this campaign and encourage you to do the same and spread the word and build hope and awareness. I am motivated by this as I have experience some sense of fear and loss many a time. One of the worst experiences one can endure is watching someone who is full of life and vibrant, the glue that holds families together and who always has things under control fall sick. To us these individuals are untouchable and when we see them in a position of weakness fear takes over. My mother was diagnosed with a condition called Dermatomyositis in November 2011. It was difficult to watch her lose all her strength, failing to move her body and experiencing bouts of  parasethia. The condition was considered rare at that time and the Doctor attending to her had never encountered a patient with such a condition and was basing his work on textbook experience. The last thing you want is a Doctorr who doesn’t know what they are doing. It was a tough time for us, we were lucky she managed to pull through and we managed to get her referred to a well-known specialist. When such things happen you are left with doubts in your belief system, fear cripples you so much that you can’t reason.

My mum coped because she had a strong support system, a loving husband; children; relatives; she was persistent in turning up for appointments and taking her medication, and mostly prayer and a caring community.  In knowing that she could manage my fear was conquered. Heather and my mum are proof that a positive mind-set leads to positive outcomes. In times of pain and hardship they pulled through and faced whatever came their way and conquered their fears.  Although my focus turned to health (topic for another day), the message remains the same and applies to any situation in life. At times we limit ourselves because we are not ready to face the unknown. Sometimes you have to try something fail, get yourself up and try again.

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Heather smashing a plate on Lung Leaving Day

For further information regarding “Lung Leaving Day” please go to Heather’s Page and take part in smashing your fears away.

What have been your encounters with fear been? Have you experienced fear of not being good enough, fear to pursue your dreams because society deems it unrealistic, fear to love again because you have been hurt so much. Fear of the unknown…Feel free to share your fears and how you overcame them, it might just help someone realise that you can turn lemons into lemonade after all!

A big THANK YOU and warm hugs go to my closest friend Tillo for helping me blend this article, with friends like these who needs enemies?

MaKupsy