My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone

Unfortunately for me I learnt the hard way, snooping through your partners’ is never a good idea.  For the couples who respect each other’s space, congratulations to you guys, you are doing this relationship thing right.snooping through his phone MaKupsy

A quick poll before we get started.

 

I have never been one of those people who want to poke my nose in other people’s business but once you start dating a guy who leaves you wondering where you stand with him or what he has been up to believe me the curiosity will kick in and you will go through his phone like its nothing!  It becomes a very destructive and addictive habit though so if you decide to go that path be prepared to never have peace.

I have had some pretty heart wrenching encounters in the past and that just taught me a lesson (for that day only) to stay away from your partner’s phone.  For those who have always wanted to go through his phone and wondered when best to do it;

  • try when he is dead drunk,
  • when he is asleep or
  • the few seconds that he dashes to the loo.

Please be warned that you should do this at your own risk as you might not be able to deal with whatever you find in his phone.

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Image from Google

I will list a few messages I bumped into in the past, I remember word for word for some of them but for others I have a rough idea what they read.  I will also include who had sent the messages; here goes:

  • I am not in love with her.  I am only staying with her because I feel sorry for her.  I want to be with you and I am going to do everything that I can to make that happen. (my then boyfriend)
  • How was the evening with the girl you hooked up with from church, did you tap that ass? (my then boyfriend’s close cousin)
  • You shouldn’t marry her.  If you marry her you will be making the biggest mistake of your life.  You ex was a better fit for you and if you let her go you will be doomed. (my then boyfriend’s best friend) 
  • Send me some of your nude photos. (my then boyfriend)
  • Please send me airtime, I am low on credit. (my then best friend asking my boyfriend without my knowledge)
  • She is so fat I don’t even know why I am dating her, you know I like slim women. (my then boyfriend)

I can only remember the very juicy messages and the ones that really got to me the rest were really nothing to go on about.  What did this experience teach me?

  1. Not everyone who smiles at you actually likes you.  Take that then boyfriend’s best friend for example.  This guy used to come to our place and I would cook lunch, supper, breakfast, you name it just to make sure he was comfortable and yet his ass didn’t even like me!  What a fucking asshole!  Once I knew that’s how he felt about me I ended those privileges, what a prick!
  2. Even your so called best friend can get up to something behind your back.  I couldn’t help but wonder what else she used to ask for…
  3. Do not date anyone who bashes your self esteem, yes, I used to be fat, but you pursued me knowing I was fat, at what point did you realise that I was actually not your type?
  4. His friends are not your friends.  Do not be fooled!

These random experiences made me promise myself that I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH SOMEONE’S PHONE.  You will die an emotional death after you discover things you were not prepared to deal with.  To make things worse you can not exactly ask about the messages because you would have breached someone’s privacy.  You have no right to be going through a phone that does not belong to you.  At the same time it helps you see where you stand with someone but it really isn’t advisable to do that.  I would say talk things through if you feel there is something that is bothering you.  And even if you do decide to continue going through your partner’s phone and they do find out that’s what you get up to, trust me they will find ways to hide things from you and you will never find a single grain of evidence.  Bottom line is, if your partner is cheating the truth always has a way of revealing itself…just sit tight and relax.

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Image from Google

The amusing thing about going through your partner’s phone is if you find out something that hurts you the first thing you tell yourself is that you are going to break up with them and leave.  Sadly, most people stay and complain and bore us to death about how their partner is cheating…As for me, I stuck around for a while(that puts me in the boring department) but eventually things got from bad to worse, hearts were broken, words were said, trust went flying out the window but yes, that is life, we get to experience all sorts of things before we decide to make changes.  And that’s how I ended up deciding I won’t ever go through my partners phone because nothing good has ever come of it.  Ideally it would be nice to go through your partner’s phone and find out they are planning a surprise party or a getaway weekend but how often does that happen???

I would like to find out from you if you have gone through the Private Investigation phase of wanting to know who your partner has been talking to.  If yes, what did you find and how did you deal with it?

©MaKupsy 2018

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To Give Or Not To Give Your Girlfriend A Monthly Allowance?

Girlfriend  Giving Directions To Her Boyfriend

“Come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me off.  Look for flat 9A, you’ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.  Get out of the lift, you’ll find my flat on the left.  Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW and I’ll get the door for you.”

Boyfriend says: That seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend: “OMG! Are you coming empty handed?”

Boyfriend: (speechless)

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I thought this was hilarious because some men are famous for visiting their girlfriends with just dick and hairy balls, like can we throw those in a pan and fry them for supper?  Women are not saying buy them something everyday but why not think outside the box for a change and surprise a lady with something she likes??

One of my contacts sent me that joke on WhatsApp last night and it gave me an idea to blog about this morning.  Let’s talk about Bae Allowance shall we?

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Photo Credit Theo & Essy

Bae Allowance – Money a guy gives his girlfriend at the end of each month for her random needs.

Let me first give you my thoughts on the subject matter.  This might end up being a lengthy blog but I promise you will enjoy it.  Let me tell you a bit about my very first boyfriend.  That guy treated me like a little princess.  He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special event, good or bad moment.  We were through it all through thick and thin.  The whole 5 years that we dated I never asked for a single dime of his money.  He just did things because he wanted to and not because I had to beg and plead for him to do so.  Maybe because back then I was younger and had less problems but I believe even if we had stayed together he was still going to be that guy who takes care of his woman without her throwing tantrums about it.  After dating other people after him I can safely say that people are different and just because he went above and beyond for me doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same.

For that reason I have since learnt to accept that one should always live within their means and not expect the next person to cater to their every single need.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your man should not spoil you but you don’t have to convince him to do so, he has to do so on his own accord.  Guys already know that a woman needs to be pampered every now and again and so if he isn’t doing it for you it’s either he doesn’t want to or he is just not that into you (JUST KIDDING).  I for one would not want a fixed monthly allowance though, that’s just tacky because if the tables were turned trust me I would not be paying anyone an allowance for being a part of my life.  I have a daughter on my  payroll as it is, I don’t think I can make anymore additions to that!

I asked a few friends; both male and female about their thoughts on Bae Allowance and these were their thoughts:

The ladies said:

  • I think if it’s a serious relationship it’s not meant to be an obligation; both are meant to help each other out.  In a case were both work rather do  things for each other than give each other money otherwise it will seem like it’s all about money.
  • l feel most guys should give their girlfriends bae allowance.  That way  you avoid having to constantly say “Baby my hair is a mess l need money, baby my nails what not.  Just give her the monthly allowance so that you don’t stress each other out every other week.  IT’S NOT A MUST THOUGH.

The guys said:

  • There should not be a fixed mandatory Bae Allowance in a relationship.  It is of paramount importance that an individual be self sufficient that way I can chip in here and there.  It’s important to take care of your partner (what you don’t do for her, she will find someone else who can) but it should not be made out into a big deal when I can’t do it all the time.
  • If you’re my girlfriend don’t ask me for anything that costs $5 or less because what were you doing for money before we started dating? Now you suddenly want my money.  I should feel like spending on you willingly.  I’m not a bank and understand that when I say I don’t have money most of the time I genuinely don’t have because money is hard to come by.  I will spend on her but allowance I don’t do… It’s like I’m paying you to be my girlfriend!

There you have it.  Both sexes have voiced out their opinions.

As an addition I just had to say this.  Fine, I know I am not for a woman actually getting to be on her boyfriends payroll but some of these guys are cheap skates.  If you actually don’t even ask him to buy you anything he will actually continue to do so and not see anything wrong with that.  Let me ask the guys a question.  How are you going to date your girlfriend for a whole year and not once surprise her with a set of sexy lingerie?  So you are an expert at taking off her clothes but not buying her anything to add sexiness to her lingerie collection??  Also, why do some guys just want to take women out for drinks when the same amount can be used for a proper lunch, dinner or better still coffee date?  Okay fine, that is completely off topic now.

This is the part I say goodbye.

My friends from the Podcast world got excited about this topic and touched on the subject.  You can listen in from here.

©MaKupsy 2018

Why Women Cheat

Women cheat, it’s just that they don’t go on talking about it the same way guys do. Some of the information may surprise you, some will enlighten you, you may roll your eyes and judge but that’s the situation on the ground.   Life happens and at some point some women have cheated or think about cheating.  I suppose not everyone was cut out to be “Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes.”  A few women share their stories below:

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Image from Google

Escape from reality

Yes I have cheated because I met someone who excited me more than my partner did. Someone who made me feel alive at the time. Usually it’s fun yes but it mostly ends badly. Fact is that the guy you cheated with was never a serious thing. He was a whirlwind romance, an escape really. Sometimes the one you cheat with probably has someone in his life and he is also cheating. However there are the rare ones who are single and will actually try making things work out in that cheating scenario. Best cases are the relationships that may come out of cheating.

Forbidden fruit

I have cheated. I cheated because I was selfish and my needs were not being met and it was frustrating, got an escape, all the attention from the guy I was cheating with.  It was not everything, obviously the fun was that it was stolen wares they sell twice as dear. He called every morning, kept tabs on me, made me feel special but I never wanted to leave my guy, even though my cheating partner was okaish, It was just that a little fling to keep me sane. I eventually couldnt keep up, I loved my guy but my needs were not being met, and I knew we had to talk. The best things in life are not free, they are forbidden. the guilt, the adrenaline of cheating OMG.  I loved/love my boyfriend with all my heart and he may kill me if he knew he may be very disappointed, but ndakanakirwa hangu(I had a good time) please!!!  The other guy’s flaws made me realise my own boyfriends good side, I learnt that my guy loves me maturely and respectfully, he is human and honest, he is not going out of his way to impress me all the time but he loves me, I gave him the most breathtaking kiss ever the next time I was with him he asked what that was for, I lied…To be honest, all that kiss was saying was, I am sorry I had strayed I love you. For the record, I left the guy I was cheating with because I couldn’t give him my all. It was superficial, I had to be real with myself.  On the flip side, I learnt to communicate better with my guy, and understand him as well. Once we were in sync, paradise was peaceful again.  And you know what? I would never have known if I hadn’t cheated, maybe, who knows?

Intellectually Stimulating

Personally, I like an intellectually challenging man, but once I feel like you’re unable to stimulate my mind, or failing to keep up, I side track.  I’m attracted to men’s minds before physical appearance and all.  That was one reason I cheated once.  The other reason I think some women cheat is that you get bored of the same person.  It’s not so much the routine that you get bored of but when you know someone in and out you can predict things like reactions.  Those things then annoy you and you end up wanting a “change of environment” so to speak. Lastly, some women will forever compare their boyfriends to other men no matter what good he does.  It’s the comparing thing that exposes your man’s flaws so much, you tend to start getting attracted to the men you thing have “better” features; more money, are more caring, more attentive, bigger dick…the list is endless.

Pondering

I have thought about it. But I didn’t get to doing it because I felt bad. But it was during those times when he doesn’t give you as much attention as he used to then there’s some guy who’s there giving you all the attention that you’re craving. I think men just get a little too comfortable and stop doing what they used to do. Its the little things that they stop doing that you tend to notice; things like getting you something on his way home or telling you stuff that he used to tell you all the time that they end up taking for granted.

 

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Image from Google

And I am sure you are all wondering if I have cheated before? Well, the answer is yes.  Not that it is something to be proud of but I had my reasons.  My number one problem was that I did not forgive my then boyfriend for cheating on me.  Instead I took him back and pretended all was well while in the meantime I was planning my revenge.  It was both emotional and physical cheating and in my mind I blamed my partner for turning me into this person who wanted to pay an eye for an eye.  I really wanted him to feel the same pain he put me through, the sleepless nights, the broken heart.  Did I regret ever cheating on him? No, not even a single bit, because we were even, he cheated, I cheated so I didn’t have to grin and bear it anymore.  Will I cheat again? NO that is seriously emotionally damaging and I do not plan on going through the lies and the secrets, too draining.

Moral of the story?  Women cheat for all sorts of reasons but thankfully it is not every woman who does.  And guess what, MOST times when women do cheat, they don’t get caught…

©MaKupsy 2018

Don’t Follow Your Heart!

If you ask me, when it comes to love, I don’t learn, AT ALL!  I see things in black and white but I choose to add some colour to spice things up.  I’m beginning to believe I thrive on drama.  Let me tell you something that happened to me many moons ago; I look back now and simply shake my head but when it happened my poor heart was going through a lot of pain.

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Image from Google

You already know the narrative, boy meets girl, both fall helplessly in love and start dating.  The universe always chooses to play a joke on me and has the “love of my life” move out of the country and I’m left behind with a whole sack full of feelings.  However, this time around there seemed to be hope.  Thanks to technology we were in constant communication and even had the same Display Picture on WhatsApp.  Stuff like that makes me feel all shades of mushy inside.  I like whoever is dating me to show me off, I love it!

There was only one problem.  My current flame still had pictures of his ex on his Facebook profile.  Initially I pretended that it didn’t bother me but eventually I communicated that I wasn’t comfortable with having to see her on his profile, he could hide his albums no problem but having them in my face felt offensive.  How I always end up with partners who still have ex issues beats me?

The flame told me that his ex was going to be in the country for some work related thing and she might pass through to see him.  It was at that point that all hell broke loose.  In my head I thought  why in the world would your ex travel halfway across the continent to probably see you at some point.  Why are you still talking to your ex, why are you even telling me about this??!!!  I felt so much confusion I couldn’t focus on anything for days to come.  After telling my friend what was going on she sent me a message and said, “I told you that woman was never an ex she has always been there it was just the distance that had separated them.” 

I asked him what was going on and I was told that she was still his friend and I was being crazy.  I recall him telling me I was being dramatic.  Me, dramatic for saying what I was seeing with my own eyes!  I was drinking on a Monday after work or any given day actually.  You see, alcohol is my coping mechanism.  I was sending voice notes and never ending messages to my flame asking why he chose to pursue me if he knew he still had unfinished business with his ex.  I was listening to all our favourite songs and crying buckets, I had headaches every single morning.  I was a hot mess!

After a few weeks I told myself I was going to delete his number, all our music playlists and all our photographs together and let go.  I said my peace and walked away from the most intense emotional place I had ever found myself in.  I loved him so much but I wasn’t going to risk getting a broken heart over someone who obviously lied to me from the get go.

Months later I went to check his Facebook account.  The so called “ex” was there alright, he went on to get a tattoo with her name…  Sigh.

I need to do better.  I need to be better.  I don’t want the kind of love that sets my soul on fire.  I’ve been in that kind of love, it does nothing but bring me pain and disappointment.  I want a love that is calm, certain and doesn’t give me sleepless nights.  I know things will not always be perfect but for the most part the relationship should maintain my sanity!  Anyone can tell you that they love you, they’re just three little words after all; what matters is what they want to do about this love they claim to have for you.  The plan is to write a beautiful love story in 2018 despite all the disasters I’ve been through in the past, it will happen, when the time is right, this much I know.

I have more love gone wrong blog posts for you to enjoy, at this rate I may as well move around with a gown to showcase my Masters In Failed Relationships;

How To Lose A Great Guy

Butterfly

The Rebound Guy

Catching Feelings

What are some of the things you have done in the name of love?  I can’t be the only one doing relationships wrong, let’s talk about this and have a good laugh at ourselves.

©MaKupsy 2018

Lie To Me

Men and women lie.  Lying is not reserved for men only, both sexes put in the work when it comes to this not so clever form of communication.  People lie for different reasons; SoProfound states that lying is necessary to keep emotions balanced, needs met, wants satisfied and happiness guaranteed.  I was on radio last night and we touched on this subject and turns out I still have more to say on the subject!

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SoPround, Kuda Nyemba, Simba Sox and MaKupsy

Every woman wants a good life, show me one who says otherwise and I’ll show you a liar!  Financial security is one of the top priorities for most women and from what I’ve gathered men have figured this out and take advantage of it.  Some of these men will build castles in the air and you will fall for it.  The few lucky women find out it was just a farce months into deciding to date someone others are unfortunate and find out the truth when they are pregnant and have nowhere else to go.  Goodbye fancy dates hello reality which includes borrowing from friends to keep up appearances.

I’m pregnant…

If you’re a sexually active man I’m absolutely positive you have received this message a couple of times and you probably went into extreme panic mode.  Some women can be a handful but there’s a reason.  We want to “see” where the relationship is going in a very twisted and immature way.  We think that your reaction to our “pregnancy” will give us an idea of how you feel about us.  It will be unheard of if you even utter the words abortion!  Then again if you suggest it chances of you sending through money are highly likely and the money can be put to better use seeing you would have chosen to be a prick; in our eyes anyway.  Not all I’m pregnant messages are true, it’s just a little lie to get you feeling miserable for the fun of it.

Everyone is single depending on who’s asking.  A man or woman can be in a relationship but the moment a potential candidate presents themselves their relationship status goes out the window.  Our generation has become quite a greedy lot.  We don’t seem to be content with one partner, we want not one but as many options as possible to fulfill different areas of our lives.  I blame social media, too many options are just a click away.  If you aren’t happy you easily turn your attention elsewhere and therein lies the problem. People have paired themselves up with married people who have hidden whole spouses and social media has been thriving on these stories.  If a person can lie to you about an entire family imagine what else they can lie to you about?

I think there’s a lot of lying in relationships because most people don’t know how to communicate and think that telling a lie will manage whatever expectations that would have presented themselves.  Everyone has accepted lies at some point in their life because of how the lie probably made them feel.  A great example is a man telling you he loves you and chose you because you bring him so much happiness meanwhile he is in a relationship with someone else.  Deep down you know he’s lying but those words just leave you feeling so good you can’t help yourself.

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We were on the show for a good 2 hours that flew by so fast and that confirmed just how much fun we were having.  Thoughts from the guests on the topic that caught my attention were:

Women love being lied to! Sox

Men lie out of love.  Kuda

Men lie, women lie but the one thing I know for a fact is that liars forget and can’t keep a straight story.  One way or the other the truth will come out so if you want to have a stress free life I’d suggest you keep your life as straight and narrow as you possibly can, at least for the most part.

What have your experiences with lies been?  What’s the biggest lie that you have ever told?  Do you think it’s okay or not to tell lies?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

Fighting Demons

I have emotional demons that I’m fighting and I’ve made a firm decision that I will stay away from getting myself into a relationship until I heal from them.  I can’t accommodate anyone else with the state I’m currently in.  I’ll drown them with me and that will not end well.  It’s time I work hard on myself so that I become a better person and future partner. I believe that the better you know yourself, the better you’re able to match yourself with someone when the time comes.(I can only hope)

After talking to a friend of mine about what I’m currently going through he said:

“I also think it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.  It’ll help you shed a lot off things that you carry around that you think are you but have nothing to do with you.”

However, this doesn’t mean I won’t stop admiring lovey dovey couples, it’s part of my favourite past time.  Love is still a beautiful thing and when it does come my way I want to be ready for it, physically, emotionally and financially; I’ll give it my best shot!

This is one of my current favourite feel good love songs.  You should check it out, you will probably fall in love with it at first listen the same way I did.

Have a lovely weekend ahead.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

Her Throbbing Confession…

At that very thought, Sharon’s door was opened and Nate stood stark naked in front of accompanied by his very hard and very mouth-watering looking dick in front of her very eyes!

Sharon was standing behind Nate and stepped forward to hold Janice’s hand to help her get up.  “Will you be joining us or you’re just going to be eavesdropping the whole night?” Sharon asked.  Janice was both speechless and embarrassed.  She walked into the room and sat on a chair close to the bed.  Nate switched on the light and this time Janice got to see his big dick in it’s full glory.  She hadn’t imagined it, it was thick enough to fill up her pussy walls and she gulped at the thought of how delicious it must feel to feel all of it.  She wasn’t a fan of huge dicks but this was one dick she would love to bounce on for a whole hour and Sharon was willing to share it!

Her attention shifted to Sharon.  She was now lying on the bed on all fours, she could clearly see her enticing and soaking wet pussy.  Nate held onto his throbbing dick with veins that looked like they would pop out from all the hardness and gently slid it into Sharon’s pussy.  Nate’s balls were hairy and at every stroke they rubbed against Sharon’s pussy lips that were now swollen with pleasure.  Sharon was creaming and it was clearly visible on Nate’s thick balls.  Janice couldn’t help herself any longer, she slowly slid off her underwear and walked towards the bed.  Watching Nate and Sharon was getting her aroused beyond control.

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Image from Pinterest

She lay on her back and made herself comfortable against the pillows while taking off the rest of her nighties.  She could see Nate devouring her body with her eyes and that got her all the more excited.  Her legs started to shudder as Sharon’s moans got more and more.  She was certain Nate’s dick was the sort that would have you asking him to give you a baby!  Janice slid her hand on her pussy and felt how wet she was, you would think someone had poured some oil on her but that was all her, dripping with desire and ready to receive some good dicking.  Janice started rubbing her inner thighs while watching Nate and Sharon give each other pleasure.  Sharon changed the position and was now lying on her back and begging Nate to go deeper.  Nate rode her like a beast with sweat glistening on his back and all Sharon could now scream was “Yes, yes, yes!”  He was certainly pounding her pussy right and feeding it with rich delicious strokes.

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Image from Pinterest

Janice went and lay right next to Sharon and started sucking on her one nipple while rubbing the other one.  Sharon responded and kissed her back passionately.  Sharon whispered in Janice’s ear and told her she knew she had been sexually frustrated for months and this was her way of helping her out.  Janice was torn in two and didn’t know what to do but kept kissing Sharon all the way down to her throbbing clit.  Sharon had a beautiful body and the most succulent breasts she had ever seen.  She gently sucked on her fleshy clit until her whole body was quivering from receiving hard strokes from Nate and wet kisses on her clit from Janice.  Janice lay on top of Sharon and continued to kiss her and feel on her breasts, tummy and ass.

Their bodies were now moving in rhythm and Janice’s clit was rubbing against Sharon’s tummy while Sharon got strokes from Nate.  Both Sharon and Janice started breathing heavily while Janice’s pussy got wetter and wetter; Sharon could feel it all over her lower body.  Sharon commanded Nate, “Just give Janice your hard dick the pleasure is too much to take in on my own!” Nate acted like he didn’t hear but he knew the moment Sharon started screaming like that she was close to an orgasm.  A few more deep strokes and a slight shift in position and both Sharon and Janice were breathing heavily.  Nate was going hard, hot, deep and fast!  Sharon came so hard she screamed the whole apartment down!  Janice kissed Sharon’s earlobes and started grinding on her vibrating tummy a little faster and could feel shivers in her body moving from her toes right to her ass, her pussy getting tighter, her breasts all the more sensitive, her clit feeling like someone was pulling at it from the inside and just before she was about to have the most intense orgasm of her life she felt Nate’s hard dick thrust inside her wanting pussy!

Janice woke up with a start, she missed her phone alarm and woke up a whole 30 minutes late.  It was Thursday morning and a working day for that, her boss was not going to be amused, she hadn’t even been 2 months into her new job!

I’m definitely going to stop drinking during the week she muttered to herself.  Alcohol is not my friend.  Now I’m having the most fertile of dreams!

©MaKupsy 2018

Buy Your Own Condoms!

I asked a couple of guys where they keep their condoms after they buy them and I got some pretty interesting locations.

  • wallet
  • sock drawer
  • back pocket
  • under the mattress
  • glove compartment
  • back pack
  • under the pillow
  • friends place

As you can see, these men are not even playing about their safe sex game, they are always prepared!

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image from Google

However, given the location of these condoms you might just want to reconsider who will be responsible for keeping them.  I mean, can we really trust these men to be the condom keepers?  The chances of a condom not being 100% effective after being stored in a wallet for days on end are very slim.  As for the glove compartment; imagine all that heat your car can be sometimes exposed to, it will definitely affect the condoms; next thing you’re out there having sex with your partner and it breaks and you don’t even realise it until you’re done and you have a “petticoat” on your penis.  NOT a good look, do the right thing and store your condoms in safe space that way you and your partner can both enjoy a stress free love making session.

That said, I think women need to be more liberal when it comes to buying condoms.  I know you’re reading this and thinking, ‘I could never!” but look at it this way, if shit hits the fan and you are not keeping your own condom stash chances of having unprotected sex are higher. I’ve noticed that most women who do buy condoms buy the male condoms and I don’t blame them at all.  Have you seen what a female condom looks like?  You could throw in your lipstick, mascara, lip gloss, hand mirror and even your purse spray in that condom.  Whoever made them didn’t put much thought into it.  The first time I saw it I was convinced that this was meant to be a joke!  It really looks like a plastic bag that you are expected to insert inside your vagina.  I know nothing about condom manufacturing but maybe just maybe something a little more user friendly would have been great.  I for one have never used the female condom and have no intention of doing so anytime soon!

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one can’t help but wonder what women ever did to deserve this :*

I’ve had the opportunity to buy condoms a few times in the past and I’ve noticed that it seems to be a very uncomfortable experience for a lot of people.  BUT there are some benefits to going to get your own condoms;

  1. You choose the flavour you want, strawberry is that you?
  2. You can ask questions about the product from whoever is behind the counter and get them feeling embarassed for days because people generally don’t expect any questions to be asked when buying condoms.
  3. You will be in control of your sexual health because you know you aren’t about that taking risks with your vagina.

To be honest, buying condoms is both an entertaining and empowering experience that I think every woman should try out.  I’m still amazed at how people stare as if they aren’t having sex.

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image from Pinterest

To everyone reading this and thinking this woman is crazy telling us to go and buy our own condoms, tell you what…It’s better to be over-prepared than under-prepared.  The consequences of being reckless include and are not limited to sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, stress and that’s something noone wants to go through!

Please take a second to vote on the poll and share your thoughts on who should be responsible for buying and keeping condoms.

 

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 29: Are You The One Catching A Grenade?

Relationships are a sensitive subject and there is always something new that happens to f*ck things up!  Just when you think you and your partner are smooth sailing you start picking up a red flag or two and think this too shall come to pass?  Most times it does but some times it doesn’t and you end up stuck in a relationship that is slowly sucking the life out of you.  There are different signs for everyone but I would like to believe that the following usually spell bad news is on it’s way.  I know I always want to look at the sunny side of things but let’s be honest sometimes you might really be the only one catching a grenade in your relationship.

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Image from Google

  • Envy
  • Cruel behaviour or attitude
  • Negativity (general outlook)
  • Lack of interest in you or your life
  • Abuse of all types
  • Feeling that you are no longer happy within the relationship

Methinks toxic relationships can be summed up in Bruno Mar’s song, Grenade, have a listen…

You thought this was going to be a never ending post on relationships right?  It’s Friday and there is just one more day to go on the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge.  I’m going to keep it short and sweet.

Do you have any signs that you would like to add to the list?  I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Day 14: Depression In Pregnancy

I was miserable from the very day I found out I was pregnant.  I was at my oldest sister’s place for the weekend and after telling her I had missed my period we decided to do the next best thing.  I think I took the pregnancy test close to 10 times before accepting that I was pregnant.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I later went to see the general doctor and I was informed that I was nearly a month pregnant.  The water works that followed continued till months after I gave birth, it was a disaster.

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Image from Pinterest

Imagine going through pregnancy with someone who keeps telling you that he doesn’t want you but the child you are carrying.  That’s what I had to endure for a whole 9 months.  I never got any special treatment, we were together yes but if I am very honest I with myself I went through everything on my own.  I went for doctors appointments on my own, I didn’t have any maternity wear, I didn’t get any back or foot rubs, I didn’t even get any pregnancy photo shoots like the ones I see when I go through photos of people that are expecting and I spent most of my days alone because the father of my child worked out of town and I only saw him on weekends when he came home.  I wasn’t going to work at the time and didn’t have any money to indulge on my cravings but thankfully food wise I loved traditional food so my mother would send through different fruits and vegetables as often as she could.  I was a moving body of hormones and I cried almost every single day.  This is round about the time I asked my Doctor friend if slitting my wrists would lead to instant death…  I didn’t realise it then but I was depressed and what was happening inside me was only magnified by what was going on in a relationship where I was clearly unloved.

My little girl was born on the 17th of September.  You would think it would be the happiest day of my life right? I cried for hours after I found out that I had given birth to a baby girl.  I thought to myself, she is going to experience what life as a black woman is like, go through all the sorts of unimaginable mental issues because to be honest being a woman and a black woman for that is not easy.

Back home with a new born baby life was difficult.  I was trying to figure out what was wrong and boy did she cry.  She cried all the time and so did I.  I didn’t leave the house for nearly 2 weeks.  I never used to cook for myself and lived on juice and water.  The only time I got up was to go and wash my daughter’s clothes, give her a bath and take care of her every need.  I remember I never used to sleep much the first few days because I was scared I would fall asleep and roll over her and suffocate her in her sleep.  It was all too much to take in.  My cousin came to visit a few weeks later and found me in bed with my daughter, curtains closed the house an absolute mess and she couldn’t believe how much weight I had lost.  For someone who had recently given birth I had lost close to 15kgs.  She took over and only then did I finally give myself a proper bath, change into decent clothes and took a walk outside for the first time after giving birth.  She was heaven sent!  She stayed with me for nearly a month until I was back on my feet again and functioning normally.

I didn’t go through depression only.  I went through pre and post natal depression!  Those who have gone through pregnancy know that pregnancy alone is already overwhelming now couple that with depression.

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Image from Pinterest

It was a rough journey for me and this is the major reason why I don’t want to get pregnant again.  I don’t want to go through it with someone who doesn’t want to be completely involved in the process.  I want to be with someone who will pamper and baby me throughout the entire time.  Pregnancy is a miracle on it’s own and should be celebrated with love not sadness.  The image above shows what I want if ever I get to decide on having another baby.  It has to be all or nothing at all.  A man who will adore both me and the child I will be carrying will make pregnancy feel like a dream.

In our culture depression is not recognised and unfortunately for me I only got to find out that’s what I was going through then years after the incident.  Perhaps if I had known earlier I could have taken steps to better my situation?  I will never know…

Researchers say that some of the triggers of depression during pregnancy include:

  • Relationship problems
  • Family or personal history of depression
  • Stressful life events
  • History of abuse or trauma
  • Previous pregnancy loss

Mental health is something that our culture needs to start acknowledging because it affects men, women, children alike and the more we ignore it the more people go through difficult situations without having anyone to turn to.  My advice to women in unhealthy relationships is first talk things through to find a compromise but if all else fails it’s perfectly fine to leave.  Your emotional well being is one of the most important aspects in your life that needs to be handled with tender loving care.

Set Fire To The Rain by Adele played throughout the time I was in labour, a whole 17 hours of it!

Thankfully my experience with pre and post natal depression is all in the past now and I’m healthy, happy and living my best life!

Have you experienced depression before, if yes how did you deal with it?

©MaKupsy 2017