Don’t Post The Quote Sis, They Don’t Care

One of my marketing flyers once read “I Live On Social Media” which wasn’t a lie. I was always glued on my phone swiping through different platforms to keep up with everything except for the time I was asleep. Even then, I would dream of some of the people I follow especially those on Twitter. I’m still curious about how that works, you dream of someone you’ve never met in real life, someone you only interact with online. Strange indeed!

2019 changed my perspective on so many things around social media.

social media MaKupsy

1. People Don’t Care

You got a new job, you just had a beautiful bouncy baby, you relocated and you’re finally living in the city of your dreams. The first thing you think of is sharing with your online friends. Yes, they will send you dozens of likes and messages of congratulations but do they genuinely care? That single post has probably given one of your online friends a reason to despise you, not that you’ve done anything wrong but you reminded them of how things aren’t going well in their lives.

Does that mean you shouldn’t post your achievements? I say post them BUT choose your platforms wisely. I’m assuming it depends on which country you’re from but from the part of the world I live in your well-intended post might end up being a meme or have people pass snide comments. Want to know what they care about? Your downfall. Now that’s the stuff they’ll enjoy any day. Human beings are strange creatures.

2. You Put Yourself In The Spotlight

Tweeting used to be my favourite past time. I always changed my handle to something spicy. Whatever the name was would go with the sort of tweets I’d share. I would initiate hot conversations around sex.  Did I get a lot of attention for all the wrong reasons? Certainly! People would take screenshots of my tweets and share them in groups or make them their WhatsApp status updates. Imagine the shock I’d get when someone would tell me my tweet was a hot topic in a WhatsApp group. I made a conscious decision to end the madness.

sex conversations makupsy

That’s round about the same time my brand was taking shape and I knew I wouldn’t want to be remembered for any of that. I did a whole online makeover, changed my handle and now use the same name on all platforms. It’s been 2 years of making sure I share content that adds value to my audience. Fast forward to a month ago, I was in one of the biggest interviews in my life and one of the panelists told me she follows me on Twitter. Had it been 2 years back I was going to hide under the table with shame.

They say the internet never forgets; whatever you put out there is something you won’t be embarrassed to repeat in an interview setup or better yet to your parents.

3. You Need A Hobby

Believe it or not you can do other things with your time that don’t involve social media. Read a book, listen to a podcast, write, read or cook something different. From experience, the more free time you have on your hands the more you’re tempted to share every single part of your life with the online community. We all have people who even tell us about the colour of their poo that morning. Don’t be that person who overshares. Get yourself an enriching hobby that will make social media an occasional activity not the centre of your life.

makupsy social media

Phew! This has been the longest blog post I’ve penned down in a while. I had so much to say but I’ll keep this short because I always complain about bloggers who write never-ending posts.

What are your thoughts on sharing about your life on social media?

©MaKupsy 2020

My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone

I learnt the hard way; snooping through your partners’ is never a good idea.  For the couples who respect each other’s space, congratulations to you guys, you are doing this relationship thing right.

snooping through his phone MaKupsy

A quick poll before we get started.

 

I have never been one of those people who want to poke my nose in other people’s business but once you start dating a guy who leaves you wondering where you stand with him or what he has been up to believe me the curiosity will kick in and you will go through his phone like its nothing!  It becomes a very destructive and addictive habit though so if you decide to go that path be prepared to never have peace.

I have had some pretty heart wrenching encounters in the past and that just taught me a lesson (for that day only) to stay away from your partner’s phone.  For those who have always wanted to go through his phone and wondered when best to do it;

  • try when he is dead drunk,
  • when he is asleep or
  • the few seconds that he dashes to the loo.

Please be warned that you should do this at your own risk as you might not be able to deal with whatever you find in his phone.

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Image from Google

I will list a few messages I bumped into in the past, I remember word for word for some of them but for others I have a rough idea what they read.  I will also include who had sent the messages; here goes:

  • I am not in love with her.  I am only staying with her because I feel sorry for her.  I want to be with you and I am going to do everything that I can to make that happen. (my then boyfriend)
  • How was the evening with the girl you hooked up with from church, did you tap that ass? (my then boyfriend’s close cousin)
  • You shouldn’t marry her.  If you marry her you will be making the biggest mistake of your life.  You ex was a better fit for you and if you let her go you will be doomed. (my then boyfriend’s best friend) 
  • Send me some of your nude photos. (my then boyfriend)
  • Please send me airtime, I am low on credit. (my then best friend asking my boyfriend without my knowledge)
  • She is so fat I don’t even know why I am dating her, you know I like slim women. (my then boyfriend)

I can only remember the very juicy messages and the ones that really got to me the rest were really nothing to go on about.  What did this experience teach me?

  1. Not everyone who smiles at you actually likes you.  Take that then boyfriend’s best friend for example.  This guy used to come to our place and I would cook lunch, supper, breakfast, you name it just to make sure he was comfortable and yet his ass didn’t even like me!  What a fucking asshole!  Once I knew that’s how he felt about me I ended those privileges, what a prick!
  2. Even your so called best friend can get up to something behind your back.  I couldn’t help but wonder what else she used to ask for…
  3. Do not date anyone who bashes your self esteem, yes, I used to be fat, but you pursued me knowing I was fat, at what point did you realise that I was actually not your type?
  4. His friends are not your friends.  Do not be fooled!

These random experiences made me promise myself that I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH SOMEONE’S PHONE.  You will die an emotional death after you discover things you were not prepared to deal with.  To make things worse you can not exactly ask about the messages because you would have breached someone’s privacy.  You have no right to be going through a phone that does not belong to you.  At the same time it helps you see where you stand with someone but it really isn’t advisable to do that.  I would say talk things through if you feel there is something that is bothering you.  And even if you do decide to continue going through your partner’s phone and they do find out that’s what you get up to, trust me they will find ways to hide things from you and you will never find a single grain of evidence.  Bottom line is, if your partner is cheating the truth always has a way of revealing itself…just sit tight and relax.

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Image from Google

The amusing thing about going through your partner’s phone is if you find out something that hurts you the first thing you tell yourself is that you are going to break up with them and leave.  Sadly, most people stay and complain and bore us to death about how their partner is cheating…As for me, I stuck around for a while(that puts me in the boring department) but eventually things got from bad to worse, hearts were broken, words were said, trust went flying out the window but yes, that is life, we get to experience all sorts of things before we decide to make changes.  And that’s how I ended up deciding I won’t ever go through my partners phone because nothing good has ever come of it.  Ideally it would be nice to go through your partner’s phone and find out they are planning a surprise party or a getaway weekend but how often does that happen???

I would like to find out from you if you have gone through the Private Investigation phase of wanting to know who your partner has been talking to.  If yes, what did you find and how did you deal with it?

©MaKupsy 2018

I Have A Confession…

I never wanted to get married.

You know how girls get all excited from a very young age and plan their entire wedding from the wedding colour theme to the bridesmaids dresses and mostly the dress she will wear on her wedding day?  I wasn’t one of those girls.  All I ever wanted to be when I was all grown up was travel the world and be in some choreography related form of work. I tried looking for one of my old dream collage’s but I couldn’t locate it because it is probably somewhere at my parent’s house plus I am not a fan of clutter so I definitely wouldn’t find it at my place. The point of it was to show you just how back then it was not something I consumed myself with; this marriage thing.

Image from Pinterest

So what changed you ask?  Because if you have read my blogs you know there is a post I mentioned that there was a time when all I ever wanted was to get married.  Well, circumstances changed.  I got pregnant.

Initially I actually remember telling the father of my child that I was not ready for marriage and he shared the same sentiments and we were actually fine with the arrangement.  Arrangements like that unfortunately don’t sit very well with our society especially if you are actually living together.  Months into our pregnancy family intervened and told us we were disrespecting our families and we had to get married.  I easily bought into the idea because I obviously didn’t want to bring any further “shame” to my family but the father of my child stood his ground and declared he would never marry in this lifetime.  (Guess who got married in just under six months after separating).

It was a really complicated phase of my life.  I remember days I was at work; visibly pregnant and my colleagues asking how my “husband” was.  I had to play along because the thought of telling them that we were just staying together would probably shock the lights out of them and have them lecture me on how he was “using me” if he didn’t pay lobola for me.  I remember feeling scared  at the thought of us ever breaking up because I didn’t know how I would tell people that I was a single mother.  Now that was my biggest fear!  In my head being a single mother was the most unforgivable offence in society’s eyes because their judging eyes would tell you that you had “failed to keep a man.”  That was just fucked up!

However, this all taught me a few things.

  1. If you genuinely do not want to do something DO NOT DO IT!  I ended up wanting to get married only because that’s what family had suggested even though I didn’t even want it.
  2. Marriage should be for parties who BOTH want the same thing because the moment you are on different paths it will be a disaster.
  3. Marriage has been idolized so much in our society.  It’s so bad that once a woman reaches a certain age without getting married people start talking and giving her side eyes as if they even know what she wants out of life.  This idolization has lead to many women, some that I know only getting married so that people can get off their backs.
  4. Not everyone is going to get married, have a white wedding and walk down the isle in a white puffy dress and society needs to understand that.
  5. Even if you don’t get married nothing is wrong with you, it simply means it was either not meant for you or your time hasn’t come just as yet and perhaps you do not want to get married at all and that should not be anyone’s business.
  6. Know the reasons WHY you want to get married.  Don’t just dive in head first without even trying to understand the first thing about what marriage is all about.  Too many television watching going on and hoping once you get in it everything will be just like the movies.
  7. Love yourself enough to know that even if you don’t do things right the first time you can always get up and start afresh, every single day is a chance to rewrite your story.  I am a single mother and I am proud to be a mother to a beautiful little girl who adores me.  Raising a child on my own does not make me any less of a woman, in fact; it has made me stronger, wiser and more responsible than I could have ever imagined.
  8. Screw society and it’s standards.  Live your best life!

And to answer the question that is probably going through your mind right about now, would I want to get married?  As it stands; yes, I would want to get married but for all the reasons I know are right for me and this will be a story for another blog post; BUT please note that if it doesn’t happen my world won’t come crashing down because I am happy with the person I am on my own and getting married for me would be a bonus NOT a life saver.

For now I am going to go about being happy, observing what this life is all about and taking part in it with full force no matter what my marital status.  Happy hormones live here!!!!

©MaKupsy 2019

15 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

Heartbreak; if you haven’t gone through it then you my dear are one of the lucky few.  In my opinion the pain that comes with it is right there next to labour pains.  It’s something you don’t want to experience more than once because the pain usually scars you for weeks, months and sometimes years to come.  I asked some of my favourite people on Twitter to share how they managed to get over a heartbreak and as always they didn’t disappoint!  I like to keep opinions anonymous so names are not mentioned.  Their healing processes and some of mine are in the list below.  Kick back, grab your notepad and fix yourself a strong cup of coffee you will want to keep this!

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  1. Cry. Cry yourself to sleep, cry yourself through the day, cry each time you listen to that sappy song that reminds you of him, heck cry yourself a whole river!  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, crying will help wash away the pain.  Whatever you do, DO NOT internalise your emotions.
  2. Get high or die trying. Seriously.  Nothing makes you feel better like a good old smoke.  You are guaranteed of short term memory loss which is a good thing because you can focus on the feel good sensation and forget about your broken heart for a while.  Proven effects include joy, euphoria, contentedness and a care-free attitude!
  3. Cut contact, otherwise you will find yourself snooping on their social media;this is very unhealthy.   I suggest you actually take a social media fast for the next 30 days in a bid to protect yourself.  The last thing you want to do is see your ex partner all loved up on Instagram.  That will actually do you more harm than good, heartbreak and social media are NOT friends!
  4. Get up under someone new.  Try this at your own risk.  An orgasm a day keeps the stress away.  Yes, I made that saying up but it’s a sure way to take your mind off your ex but just make sure whoever you decide to have sex with will actually shower you with multiple orgasms otherwise the whole act will be pointless and leave you frustrated.
  5. Listen to some music. Not the sappy sad stuff by the way. Something upbeat to lift up your spirits.
  6. Move to another place.  Try getting a job in a town hours away from your current location or better yet leave the entire country.  That way you can heal faster without any memory triggers.
  7. Keep yourself occupied. Spend time with friends, do your favourite things.  Try positive distractions such as going out and doing something fun especially something new. Amusement Park, dancing; getting out and not focusing or dwelling on the heartbreak.

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    Photo Credit: @tendai_angela (Instagram)

  8. Put yourself out there. You don’t have to rush into another relationship but just go on dates and feel wanted. It helps to not be lonely and also just for the confidence boost.
  9. Alcohol! , it numbs the pain.  Those who don’t drink can safely turn to ice-cream or comfort foods; hello calories!!  I have tried and tested this one and all I can say is that alcohol will fix the problem for that day but when you wake up sober all the pain will come rushing back.
  10. Accept that it’s over.  This is probably the most crucial point because without this you won’t be able to.  Accept it and do not be bitter, okay TRY very hard not to be bitter.
  11. Positive self talk and reflection.  Remind yourself it’s their loss and not yours. BUT also look at your contributions to the demise of your relationship.  Avoid self blame at all costs but focus on reflecting. This usually happens further down the road to mending your heartbreak.
  12. Let go completely.  You are not trying to do the whole “Oh we’re broken up but we’re cool and modern so we can be friends” – it just prolongs the pain! CUT TIES…Cut it, Cut it, Cut it, you need to cut it!!
  13. Be kind to yourself.  You will have days where you will be upset with the world.  It happens, embrace it.
  14. Time.  It mends the heart.  I know others believe getting straight into another relationship helps you get over another one. This is not everyone’s portion.  Avoid going from one mess straight into another.  That way when you say “I am over someone” you really over them. There are no comebacks.  Time is often under estimated; especially nowadays because everyone wants an instant fix. There is NO QUICK FIX for heartbreak. This is why we end up having relationships with broken people who haven’t healed from past mistakes. Be fair to the next person. Take your time, you do not heal overnight.
  15. Understand that heartbreak is a part of life.  Not just in romantic relationships but in life in general.  Lovers, friends and family will disappoint you so always be prepared to find a way to deal with it.  Learn from your experience and remember that you are not the first or the last one to experience this.  This too shall come to pass…

How have you dealt with heartbreak in the past?  How long did it take you to finally reach the point where you could bump into your ex and they will have zero effect on you?

Let’s talk about it, I would love to read your thoughts.

©MaKupsy 2019

Your Man

The first few weeks of dating someone feel like you’re floating on a cloud stuffed with nothing but pleasure.  What are some of those things that make you have your own special kind of glow?

Why do you relationships go wrong MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

Some of the cheesy stuff includes;

  • the late night phone calls
  • messaging each other on different platforms each day talking about completely different topics
  • the dates that leave you missing your partner more than the last time you saw them
  • the public display of affection that sometimes comes with countless forehead kisses
  • the urge to want to share everything whether good or bad with your partner
  • random gifts
  • the cute morning messages that you wake up to
  • reaffirming your love through words

Last night I was catching up on the channels I’m subscribed to on YouTube and bumped into the song below. It’s by a Zimbabwean artist named Garry Mapanzure.  This song actually inspired today’s blog post.  After watching it almost 10 times I decided I’d ask you dear reader.

If you’re a man after asking a woman to be a part of your life the way Garry did in this track, at what point do you stop doing the things I mentioned on the list above?  If you’re a woman, when you notice the changes in your relationship do you communicate your observations?  I understand that relationships won’t always be smooth sailing but this track really got me thinking…

Make sure you watch the music video, it’s a beautiful video with thought provoking lyrics, clean visuals and a fine Zimbabwean man.

Let’s talk…

©MaKupsy 2019

I’m Pregnant!

The year was 2011.  The month was January.  The monthly period was late by 10 whole days.  The mood was panicking the fuck outta my brains!  You see, I didn’t get my period the whole of November 2010 and then in December 2010 I had a 10 day period, something that had never happened to me before.  In my head I didn’t think much of it because I was like seeing that I missed a month maybe mother nature is doing a payback on me.  Well, she clearly wasn’t joking about procreation because when my sister and I took close to 10 pregnancy tests on the 16th of January 2011 it was official, I was pregnant!

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Image from Google

 

In all honesty I don’t even know why I was shocked, the amount of sex we had been having with, let’s call him Peak for now, was insane!  Like we just couldn’t get our hands off each other and the relationship was still in a honeymoon phase and everything was going smoothly.  I have realised that I don’t seem to fall in love with people, for me love comes slowly and when it does I am so screwed.  I grew to love Peak and once I was madly in that phase he got my 110% love and affection.  That’s another story for another day.  However, it will be a story I would like Kupsy to read when she wants to know how I met her father.

Anyways, back to panic mode.  I really was pregnant, I didn’t know how to react when I first got the news.  I remember picking up the phone to tell Peak that I had to see him that day because he was out of town that weekend but he promised he would come through.  He did and when I saw him I showed him the pregnancy test.  I remember him holding me close and telling me that everything was going to be okay.  Definitely not the reaction I was expecting considering the many stories that I had heard other women tell me about how a guy can just vanish into thin air after you told him you had missed your period.  I on the other hand didn’t take the news lightly.

It was only after I had seen him and told him that I started to react to the news.  I have never cried so much in my life.  I cried buckets that day and I was uncontrollable he didn’t even know what to do.  Why was I crying?  I wasn’t ready to be a mother, I had so many things I wanted to do before that big step, I didn’t think I was going to get pregnant because well, we actually thought the withdrawal (pull out) method was a sure way to avoid getting pregnant.  BIGGEST JOKE EVER!  Why wasn’t I on any form of contraceptive?  Well, just before Christmas we had actually agreed that I needed to get onto something because we didn’t want to risk me falling pregnant but here we were…

I went to the General Practitioner the  following Monday who then referred me to a Gynecologist and set up all the appointments and medical tests I needed to go through in preparation for my 9 month pregnancy journey.  The weirdest thing about all this was that it was only after the results confirmed that I was really pregnant that I started getting pregnancy symptoms.  You can read all about my pregnancy over here.

Do you remember what you went through when you first found out you were pregnant, care to share?

A moment in my belly, a lifetime in my heart…

©MaKupsy 2019

3 Signs That Show Your Relationship Is Doomed

Being in a relationship can be one enriching experience if done right.  However, not everyone is cut out for it and things can get messy.  signs your relationship is complicated MaKupsy.jpg

Image from Pinterest

They Don’t Apologise

There’s no way you can always be right, this is a fact.  However, when you do something wrong or if your partner highlights something that you did that affects them in a negative way it’s only right to apologise.  Not the “I’m sorry” and end it at that apology.  A real genuinely heart felt apology will do the trick.  Here’s a beautiful example;

“I’m sorry I didn’t show up on time my love, I got carried away and completely forgot about our appointment.  Please forgive me for keeping you waiting.  How can I make it up to you.”

Yes, there are people who apologise like that in this lifetime.  You will meet them some day.

They Don’t Know How To Communicate

Do I have enough stories to last a lifetime for this one!  I used to be that person.  I would sulk, plunge myself into a mood swings for an entire day or simply say nothing was wrong when my partner asked what was wrong.  DO NOT BE THIS PERSON.  If something is wrong speak up!  I think part of the problem for some women is that we’ve been socialised to say everything is okay even when it isn’t so we just grin and bear it.  Find ways that will help you communicate your thoughts and feelings in a healthy and progressive way.  No relationship is perfect, problems will come but how you deal with them is what will make or break you.

They Don’t Allow You To Spend Time With Your Friends

No man is an island.  If people could remember this the relationship world would  be a better place.  Your partner needs time away from you to spend it with other people that light up their life.  Just think of the number of stories you will talk about or the places you can try out when you eventually have time together.  Wouldn’t that be special?

Where relationships are concerned I have just one piece of unsolicited advise; Be with people who value your time and your presence, headaches caused by selfish people are not to be tolerated in 2019 going forward.  Love thy self!

Have you been through any of these situations when you were dating?  How did you handle it?

©MaKupsy 2019

 

 

Uncomfortable Things That Happen When You Share Accommodation

If you’re planning to move into shared accommodation then you need to read this post and have a heads up on all the bullsh*t you will encounter.  I tried out this madness for a solid year in 2018 and this is what my experience of moving in with a complete stranger was like.

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Image from Pinterest

Please note that the shared accommodation looked like nothing in the above image, but a girl can dare to dream right?

What NOT To Look Forward To

  1. Hygiene levels will not be the same.  I’m a clean freak for the most part and I had to share kitchen space with someone who could keep dishes in the sink for at least days without doing anything about them.  When I first moved in I had no problem combining my housemates dishes with mine but after a few days I decided I have much more important things to do with my life and cleaning after a grown person was not one of them.
  2. Your food stuff will get used up and the next person won’t have the decency to tell you.  I was beyond upset the one time I got home to find half my onion was used.  There’s nothing wrong with that, people run out of onion all the time.  What annoyed me was having it used and no one saying anything about it, l was annoyed and no I didn’t ask them, I’m only petty in my head.  My friend suggested I take my food out of the kitchen but I was entitled to kitchen space and I planned on using it; I simply stopped placing my perishables for all and sundry.
  3. Noise.  My housemate had a bunch of friends that would come over on weekends.  That was great until they started coming over during the week as well and I couldn’t sleep till they decided they were drunk enough for bed.  Even after communicating that I had a job to get to in the morning and I needed a goodnight’s sleep it was as good as talking to myself, nothing changed.  I started resenting going home.  My advice, invest in earplugs.
  4. Fears come alive in HD.  I once had an encounter years ago where someone tried to break into my apartment.  That incident left me feeling highly sensitive to sound.  The house I shared was in a part of town where the yard was huge and trees surrounded the house.  The days my housemate wasn’t around were the worst.  I imagined all the things that could happen to me, how far away our neighbours were if I had to call for help and I wouldn’t sleep a single wink.  Fear coupled with an overactive imagination is a recipe for disaster!
  5. Goodbye sex.  My room was right next to my housemate who happened to be my landlord and old enough to be my oldest sister.  There was no way I was about to start getting laid knowing fully well she was in the next room.  Gangster as I am, it simply wouldn’t happen.  I missed sex!

Wait, There’s Good News…

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Image from Pinterest

  1. A tranquil environment.  I moved to an area where there was peace and quiet.  I would wake up to the sound of birds chirping.  That was the most beautiful experience I’d had in the longest time.  I’ve stayed in a part of town where the first thing you hear is the sound of cars hooting at each other so this was a very welcome change.
  2. No random visitors.  Most people didn’t visit me and I loved it!  It helped me cut out some people who didn’t really need to be in my life to begin with.  Not having to deal with unwanted visitors was a huge positive for me.
  3. Prayer life increased.  More time to myself meant more time to face my thoughts and get to know who I really was.  I had more time to read my Bible, fast and pray and for the first time in the longest time I considered attending church, and I actually did and I loved it!
  4. You save money.  I moved out because staying in town was becoming expensive and I had a goal to save up for something.  I was paying half the rent and it also covered my water and electricity bill and that was one less thing to worry about on my part.
  5. Space.  I loved how there was so much space I could do all my fitness workouts without having to leave the premises.  What more could I ask for?

Just so you know, I won’t be sharing accommodation with anyone EVER AGAIN.  I felt like I was walking on eggshells the entire time afraid to offend my housemate in one way or the other. Yes, there are benefits to sharing accommodation but for me, it was one experience not worth giving another try.

Have you shared accommodation before?  What was your experience like?  Also, how do you go about finding accommodation in your area?  Here in Zimbabwe most people, myself included just head over to Facebook Groups to try and get something we can afford.

©MaKupsy 2019

To Give Or Not To Give Your Girlfriend A Monthly Allowance?

Bae Allowance Money a guy gives his girlfriend at the end of each month for her random needs.

Girlfriend  Giving Directions To Her Boyfriend

“Come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me off.  Look for flat 9A, you’ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.  Get out of the lift, you’ll find my flat on the left.  Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW and I’ll get the door for you.”

Boyfriend says: That seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend: “OMG! Are you coming empty handed?”

Boyfriend: (speechless)

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I thought this was hilarious because some men are famous for visiting their girlfriends with just dick and hairy balls, like can we throw those in a pan and fry them for supper  Women are not saying buy them something everyday but why not think outside the box for a change and surprise a lady with something she likes??

One of my contacts sent me that joke on WhatsApp last night and it gave me an idea to blog about this morning.  Let’s talk about Bae Allowance shall we?

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Photo Credit Theo & Essy

Let me first give you my thoughts on the subject matter.  This might end up being a lengthy blog but I promise you will enjoy it.  Let me tell you a bit about my very first boyfriend.  That guy treated me like a little princess.  He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special event, good or bad moment.  We were through it all through thick and thin.  The whole 5 years that we dated I never asked for a single dime of his money.  He just did things because he wanted to and not because I had to beg and plead for him to do so.  Maybe because back then I was younger and had less problems but I believe even if we had stayed together he was still going to be that guy who takes care of his woman without her throwing tantrums about it.  After dating other people after him I can safely say that people are different and just because he went above and beyond for me doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same.

For that reason I have since learnt to accept that one should always live within their means and not expect the next person to cater to their every single need.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your man shouldn’t spoil you but you don’t have to convince him to do so, he has to do so on his own accord.  Guys already know that a woman needs to be pampered every now and again and so if he isn’t doing it for you it’s either he doesn’t want to, he’s just not that into you or he’s simply doing it for another woman who clearly isn’t you.  I for one would not want a fixed monthly allowance, that for me feels a tad bit tacky because if the tables were turned trust me I would not be paying anyone an allowance for being a part of my life.  I have a daughter on my  payroll as it is, I don’t think I can make anymore additions to that!

I asked a few friends; both male and female about their thoughts on Bae Allowance and these were their thoughts:

The ladies said:

  • I think if it’s a serious relationship it’s not meant to be an obligation; both are meant to help each other out.  In a case were both work rather do  things for each other than give each other money otherwise it will seem like it’s all about money.
  • l feel most guys should give their girlfriends Bae Allowance.  That way  you avoid having to constantly say “Baby my hair is a mess l need money, baby my nails what not.”  Just give her the monthly allowance so that you don’t stress each other out every other week.  IT’S NOT A MUST THOUGH.

The guys said:

  • There should not be a fixed mandatory Bae Allowance in a relationship.  It is of paramount importance that an individual be self sufficient that way I can chip in here and there.  It’s important to take care of your partner (what you don’t do for her, she will find someone else who can) but it should not be made out into a big deal when I can’t do it all the time.
  • If you’re my girlfriend don’t ask me for anything that costs $5 or less because what were you doing for money before we started dating? Now you suddenly want my money.  I should feel like spending on you willingly.  I’m not a bank and understand that when I say I don’t have money most of the time I genuinely don’t have because money is hard to come by.  I will spend on her but bae allowance I don’t do… It’s like I’m paying you to be my girlfriend!

There you have it.  Both sexes have voiced out their opinions.

As an addition I just had to say this.  Fine, I know I am not for a woman actually getting to be on her boyfriends payroll but some of these guys are cheap skates.  If you actually don’t even ask him to buy you anything he will actually continue to do so and not see anything wrong with that.  Let me ask the guys a question.  How are you going to date your girlfriend for a whole year and not once surprise her with a set of sexy lingerie?  So you are an expert at taking off her clothes but not buying her anything to add sexiness to her lingerie collection??  Also, why do some guys just want to take women out for drinks when the same amount can be used for a proper lunch, dinner or better still coffee date?  Okay fine, that is completely off topic now.

This is the part I say goodbye.

My friends from the Podcast world got excited about this topic and touched on the subject.  You can listen in from here.

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A few years later I can safely inform you that giving your girlfriend has great benefits that include wonderful things like getting married to her.  Congratulations to my friends Theo & Essy who were kind enough to share their picture with me for this post.  They’re now happily married and living an amazing life together.

©MaKupsy 2019

Just Like Seasons, People Change

Are you married?  Have you been married before?  Do you have friends who have gone to get married and you were left behind single and living your best life? 

If you can answer to any of these questions then today’s creative crush might just stir you up. See the thing about marriage is admit it or not it does change people.  We would like to lie to ourselves and say we will always be the same person once we get hitched but truth is just like seasons, people change.  I’m speaking from the single friends perspective…  Over the years I’ve lost a couple of friends to this marriage we speak of.  However, it’s not a bad thing at all, at first it really used to affect me but I realised that my friends have a new chapter in their lives.  Their priorities have taken a completely different turn and our get high or die trying days are over because love it or hate it, his or her partner is top priority now.  These were the very thoughts that crossed my mind the first time I read Nobuhle’s blog post; Trashed.

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The name Nobuhle means mother of beauty or with beauty.  As you can already tell from her picture she is a true representative of her name.  She’s a woman of many talents; not only does she blog but she’s a songstress too.  Her mother has always encouraged her to embrace her talent and follow her musical passion.  Unfortunately she doesn’t play any instruments but she has a strange love for piano, maybe someday she will learn. The one time she thought she was ready to learn she was told to cut her nails, no more gorgeous manicures? I think not!

I noticed that at some point Nobuhle (she calls herself uBu) wasn’t blogging as much.  She says her blog statistics weren’t growing and it just pulled me her backwards.  She was then nominated for the Creative Writing category at Zimbabwe Blog Awards and that right there was just the push she needed.  Unfortunately everything on her blog was stale at the time but she decided if someone thought that old content was enough to get nominated it meant she was doing something right.  She has been consistent ever since.

P.S. uBu is trilungual and I find that so very attractive!  Imagine being able to speak three languages fluently.  All the more reason she’s my creative crush today. You can listen in to her latest track here.

You can connect with Ubu on;

Website: www.iamb0627.wordpress.com

Twitter: @nangu_uBu

Instagram: @nangu_ubu

Blog Indaba The Meeting Place Community is hosting a creative crush this and every Wednesday.  You will never run out of a good read from here on.

It's National Wine Day!

I’m curious to know, how many languages can you speak?

©MaKupsy 2018