Unfortunately for me I learnt the hard way, snooping through your partners’ is never a good idea. For the couples who respect each other’s space, congratulations to you guys, you are doing this relationship thing right.
A quick poll before we get started.
I have never been one of those people who want to poke my nose in other people’s business but once you start dating a guy who leaves you wondering where you stand with him or what he has been up to believe me the curiosity will kick in and you will go through his phone like its nothing! It becomes a very destructive and addictive habit though so if you decide to go that path be prepared to never have peace.
I have had some pretty heart wrenching encounters in the past and that just taught me a lesson (for that day only) to stay away from your partner’s phone. For those who have always wanted to go through his phone and wondered when best to do it;
- try when he is dead drunk,
- when he is asleep or
- the few seconds that he dashes to the loo.
Please be warned that you should do this at your own risk as you might not be able to deal with whatever you find in his phone.
I will list a few messages I bumped into in the past, I remember word for word for some of them but for others I have a rough idea what they read. I will also include who had sent the messages; here goes:
- I am not in love with her. I am only staying with her because I feel sorry for her. I want to be with you and I am going to do everything that I can to make that happen. (my then boyfriend)
- How was the evening with the girl you hooked up with from church, did you tap that ass? (my then boyfriend’s close cousin)
- You shouldn’t marry her. If you marry her you will be making the biggest mistake of your life. You ex was a better fit for you and if you let her go you will be doomed. (my then boyfriend’s best friend)
- Send me some of your nude photos. (my then boyfriend)
- Please send me airtime, I am low on credit. (my then best friend asking my boyfriend without my knowledge)
- She is so fat I don’t even know why I am dating her, you know I like slim women. (my then boyfriend)
I can only remember the very juicy messages and the ones that really got to me the rest were really nothing to go on about. What did this experience teach me?
- Not everyone who smiles at you actually likes you. Take that then boyfriend’s best friend for example. This guy used to come to our place and I would cook lunch, supper, breakfast, you name it just to make sure he was comfortable and yet his ass didn’t even like me! What a fucking asshole! Once I knew that’s how he felt about me I ended those privileges, what a prick!
- Even your so called best friend can get up to something behind your back. I couldn’t help but wonder what else she used to ask for…
- Do not date anyone who bashes your self esteem, yes, I used to be fat, but you pursued me knowing I was fat, at what point did you realise that I was actually not your type?
- His friends are not your friends. Do not be fooled!
These random experiences made me promise myself that I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH SOMEONE’S PHONE. You will die an emotional death after you discover things you were not prepared to deal with. To make things worse you can not exactly ask about the messages because you would have breached someone’s privacy. You have no right to be going through a phone that does not belong to you. At the same time it helps you see where you stand with someone but it really isn’t advisable to do that. I would say talk things through if you feel there is something that is bothering you. And even if you do decide to continue going through your partner’s phone and they do find out that’s what you get up to, trust me they will find ways to hide things from you and you will never find a single grain of evidence. Bottom line is, if your partner is cheating the truth always has a way of revealing itself…just sit tight and relax.
The amusing thing about going through your partner’s phone is if you find out something that hurts you the first thing you tell yourself is that you are going to break up with them and leave. Sadly, most people stay and complain and bore us to death about how their partner is cheating…As for me, I stuck around for a while(that puts me in the boring department) but eventually things got from bad to worse, hearts were broken, words were said, trust went flying out the window but yes, that is life, we get to experience all sorts of things before we decide to make changes. And that’s how I ended up deciding I won’t ever go through my partners phone because nothing good has ever come of it. Ideally it would be nice to go through your partner’s phone and find out they are planning a surprise party or a getaway weekend but how often does that happen???
I would like to find out from you if you have gone through the Private Investigation phase of wanting to know who your partner has been talking to. If yes, what did you find and how did you deal with it?