Just Like Seasons, People Change

Are you married?  Have you been married before?  Do you have friends who have gone to get married and you were left behind single and living your best life? 

If you can answer to any of these questions then today’s creative crush might just stir you up. See the thing about marriage is admit it or not it does change people.  We would like to lie to ourselves and say we will always be the same person once we get hitched but truth is just like seasons, people change.  I’m speaking from the single friends perspective…  Over the years I’ve lost a couple of friends to this marriage we speak of.  However, it’s not a bad thing at all, at first it really used to affect me but I realised that my friends have a new chapter in their lives.  Their priorities have taken a completely different turn and our get high or die trying days are over because love it or hate it, his or her partner is top priority now.  These were the very thoughts that crossed my mind the first time I read Nobuhle’s blog post; Trashed.

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The name Nobuhle means mother of beauty or with beauty.  As you can already tell from her picture she is a true representative of her name.  She’s a woman of many talents; not only does she blog but she’s a songstress too.  Her mother has always encouraged her to embrace her talent and follow her musical passion.  Unfortunately she doesn’t play any instruments but she has a strange love for piano, maybe someday she will learn. The one time she thought she was ready to learn she was told to cut her nails, no more gorgeous manicures? I think not!

I noticed that at some point Nobuhle (she calls herself uBu) wasn’t blogging as much.  She says her blog statistics weren’t growing and it just pulled me her backwards.  She was then nominated for the Creative Writing category at Zimbabwe Blog Awards and that right there was just the push she needed.  Unfortunately everything on her blog was stale at the time but she decided if someone thought that old content was enough to get nominated it meant she was doing something right.  She has been consistent ever since.

P.S. uBu is trilungual and I find that so very attractive!  Imagine being able to speak three languages fluently.  All the more reason she’s my creative crush today. You can listen in to her latest track here.

You can connect with Ubu on;

Website: www.iamb0627.wordpress.com

Twitter: @nangu_uBu

Instagram: @nangu_ubu

Blog Indaba The Meeting Place Community is hosting a creative crush this and every Wednesday.  You will never run out of a good read from here on.

It's National Wine Day!

I’m curious to know, how many languages can you speak?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

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Remove Your WhatsApp Blueticks And Live Happily Ever After

My last seen and blueticks on WhatsApp have been disabled for nearly two years now.  This by far has been the best decision I’ve made since downloading this application onto my phone.  I have peace.  I can be a very petty person and I don’t like that side of me to show itself.  Back then when my blueticks were still enabled if someone ignored  me and I could see that they read my message best believe I would make a big fuss about it.  I’d be frantically texting wanting to know why you were last seen online at 12:45 and yet you didn’t respond to the message I sent at 11:00?  It would really rattle me and I’d be upset for hours on end and it would ruin my entire day.  You would think I didn’t have anything better to do with my time but yes things like that happen when you’re a very sensitive or paranoid person.

WhatsApp Blueticks MaKupsy

Minus being petty I have other reasons I chose to remove both my last seen and blueticks from my phone;

  • I don’t like my WhatsApp activity to be policed.  I have a few contacts who will actually question why I haven’t responded to a message which I don’t find urgent or important at the time.  I wonder if people realise that just because you’re online doesn’t mean you have time to respond to every single person.  Sometimes small talk is the last thing I want to do when I’m busy with something else that’s top priority to me.  My policy if you feel I’m taking too long to respond to your message is to pick up the phone and call me saves you a whole lot of waiting for your message to be replied if you ask me.
  • I like viewing my contacts WhatsApp status updates every once in a while.  Having my blueticks disabled means they won’t know that I viewed it and I won’t feel obliged to comment on it.  Also, I don’t want to come out as a stalker viewing status updates the moment my contact updates.
  • Seeing that I bought my phone with my own money that I worked hard for I’m very much entitled to doing whatever I deem necessary. If you want to tell me how to operate my phone feel free to buy me one then we can talk.

One of my friends had this to say concerning the subject at hand.

“I do not care if you see one tick, two ticks or a dog full of ticks I will reply when I can. I set a pattern when starting out with anyone. That way she won’t have too many expectations.  I have people whom I prioritise, so if you think I’m ignoring you, damn straight I am, my phone is ALWAYS with me.”

My friends who happen to be such a cute couple have a Vlog which you should totally check out.  This particular video inspired today’s post.  Please subscribe so that you don’t miss a video.  They’re currently the only couple in Zimbabwe doing a couple Vlog and I have a feeling they’re going to be a big deal; just watch this space.

Unfortunately not everyone is pro disabling blue ticks.

  • Some people don’t like being ignored and the feature only pushes all the wrong buttons for them.
  • Apparently removing your blue ticks and last seen on WhatsApp shows that you’re up to no good.  I don’t even know how the two correlate.  It doesn’t take a phone application to be an individual with questionable character.  Either you’re straight and narrow or you’re not with or without blue ticks.

I love technology.  It has made communication easier, faster, smoother.  I believe we’re all entitled to communicating as and when it’s convenient for us.  Personal space is important either on or offline.  If someone isn’t responding to your messages perhaps you need to see what’s not being said and move on with your day.  There are more amazing things that you can fill up your time with.

While we’re on the phone conversation you might also want to check out these two posts:

My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone

Missed Call Alert

What are your thoughts on the subject?  Are you pro or anti blue ticks?

©MaKupsy 2018

9 Things I’ll Never Do Again

Have you ever sat down and thought to yourself, what in the world was I thinking when I did that?  I’ve had moments like those in the past and I’ve sometimes laughed or felt sorry for myself.  I really do get up to the strangest of things when my head isn’t screwed on properly.  Thanks to my not so bright adventures I’ve told myself that I’ll never do a bunch of things again for as long as I live and here’s a list of some of them.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. I will not get pregnant and go through labour again, like ever.  Okay, that’s a lie.  It’s highly likely that I will get pregnant again the only difference is I’m not going to have a child out of wedlock.  I want to experience pregnancy a second time around and enjoy every moment of it with a loving and caring partner.  The plus for me is I’ll be going through a Cesarean Delivery so no labour pains for me.
  2. I will not get false lashes done anytime soon.  The process of getting them done is intrusive, you can’t wash your face for the next 48 hours after getting them to make sure the glue holds the lashes and when you wake up in the morning your eyes are highly irritated.  The only time I’m going to get lashes done is on a very special occasion otherwise pretty as they are they really aren’t worth the trouble.
  3. I’ll never get a weave-on done.  Those things damaged my hairline.  I’m very comfortable wearing my natural hair as is; with braids or get African threading done up.  I’m all for protective hairstlyes and I wear them loudly and proudly.
  4. I will never drink more than a 6 pack of ciders in one sitting.  Ever since I went on a sobriety challenge I consume alcohol differently.  Just two ciders or a glass of wine or a tumbler of vodka and I’m done for the day.  Strange things are happening to me considering the way I used to love my alcohol.  It’s a welcome change tho, I’m not complaining.
  5. I will never go through life without a content calendar.  I used to be one of those bloggers who would “blog on the go” but ever since I tried using a content calendar many moons ago my blogging life has changed for the better.  Would you believe me if I told you that I penned this post three weeks ago?  That’s just how organised my life has become.  The best part is it doesn’t apply to just blogging, there are different apps you can use to make your social media presence a smooth sail.  I’ll share them one of these days.
  6. I will not spend time with people who’s company doesn’t stimulate me.  Better to be alone than in the presence of boring people.  I’ve also since made a decision not to attend events that don’t grow me in any way.  I used to love attending any and everything but it gets tiring, you spend so much money then you ask yourself why did I even put myself through that?  The plan is to continue to grow not waste your time or resources.
  7. I’ll never eat sushi.  I doubt that I’m missing out at all.  I’ve seen tonnes of pictures on Instagram of people sharing their sushi experiences and I’m like no thanks, I’ll go through life without it and I’ll be perfectly fine.  What made me not doubt my decision was after someone told me that the fish will be raw.  Euwwww.  Why would I intentionally do that to myself?
  8. I’ll never ask strangers for directions.  Don’t you just love technology?  Now you don’t have any reason to go around getting lost because your phone will take you to the exact location.  It’s that accurate.
  9. Travel to South Africa by bus in winter.  That time traveling by bus is a pain in the as* now couple that with traveling there in winter when the weather is very unfriendly.  The last time I tried that was probably 4 years ago and I got back to Zimbabwe feeling very irritable after spending nearly 12 hours by the border,  swollen feet and simply pissed off.  Don’t ever do that to yourself, it’s not worth the stress.

What are some of the things you’ve said to yourself, never will I ever?

©MaKupsy 2018

Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Break Up

Getting into a relationship is easy, staying in one is a whole different ball game.  Times have changed, options aplenty and the moment things go wrong most couples are quick to give up and walk away from each other without ever taking time to work on each other instead.  There are so many different platforms you can hook up with someone and start over and completely forget about your former relationship; but is that really how things should be like?  From my personal experiences in the past you can walk away yes but you will walk into a new relationship and still face the same problems with a different person.  Perhaps before you choose to end a relationship you need to ask yourself what qualities attracted you to the once was love of your life and find good reasons to stay.

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Image from Pinterest

Friendship

Do you enjoy each other’s company?  Are you the sort of couple that can go out all weekend party hard and have the best time ever.  Or you’re the couple that can spend the day at home cooking, catching up, watching a good movie or whatever you both enjoy and still have a good time?  Whatever the case might be the way I see it if you two are friends before anything else chances of weathering any storm that comes your way are very high.  Love will fade eventually but friendship will likely last forever; at least I hope it will.

Sex

Everyone knows that the first few weeks of sex as a new couple is non-stop.  Once you finally decide you’re both ready it’s like the only thing you two get up to.  Over time (if your relationships gets to last long enough) you’ll be more comfortable and no longer be having sex for the orgasms and focus more on exploration and pleasuring each other.  Something called sexual compatibility is a thing and if you find that you two are the lucky few to have that hold onto it.  It’s rare to find.

Starting Over Is A Chore

So…what’s your favourite colour?  Oh my word!  If I ever have to go through that sort of conversation again I promise I’ll stab myself to death with a spoon.  That stuff is tiring.  I don’t want anyone else to know what my favourite colour, food, music is or what I like to do with my weekends.  The whole process of getting to know a completely different person is a lot of work I’m not willing to put in.  I’m good thank you very much.  I’ll stick with my partner and find new ways to annoy him instead.

Growth

If you’re a completely different person since you met your current partner then why would you even think of leaving?  Have they taught you a new skill, helped you look at life from a different lens, challenged you to be better, upgraded you not only financially but physically and spiritually?  If you answered yes to most of these then why are you entertaining such negative thoughts?  There’s no such thing as breaking up, you’re going to work through this shit together.

Security

I know you thought of money when you read this but for me money is a bonus.  From my viewpoint emotional security is one of the reasons I would stay in a relationship.  Nothing beats knowing that you’re with someone who has your best interests at heart, someone you trust and someone who is emotionally available.  It’s not easy going through life on your own but if you’re the lucky few to have a partner with these qualities be thankful and also take notes from them so that you too can reciprocate when the need arises.

Choose to love everyday.

I wrote this post with my late colleague Itai in mind.  She died in her sleep two months ago; she had a heart condition.  We sat right next to each other in the office and everyday we had new stories and fashion tips to share.  She was such a lovely person and when she passed on I struggled for weeks.  I couldn’t believe I was never going to see her again.  She was a big sister to me.  She always used to say that life was short and that we should celebrate each day like it’s our last because tomorrow isn’t promised.  I still picture her in her red dress standing right next to me telling me she was struggling with her condition and she would be lucky if she would make it till the end of the year. I could see her health was deteriorating but I told her she shouldn’t talk like that because words have power.  Now she’s gone but I know she’s now in a happy place and she’s finally at peace.  I miss her everyday and thinking about her has my heart breaking all over again.  

Don’t take the people in your life for granted.  Today might be the last day you see them.  Find reasons to love them like it’s the last time…

©MaKupsy 2018

Online Dating With Aunty Tari

Online dating (or Internet dating) is a system that enables people to find and introduce themselves to new personal connections over the internet usually with the goal of developing personal, romantic, or sexual relationships. – Wikipedia

MaKupsy Aunty Tari Diaries

Tari

 

What made you decide to venture into match making people?

I’ve always been a matchmaker at heart.  In the past I’ve matched people as friends and they’re still going strong in friendship many years later.  I thought if I could do such a great job with friendship perhaps I should give romantic relationships a go.  It also happened that someone on Twitter lamented that they were done looking for love because they weren’t meeting any new people.  In that very moment I  decided to change my handle and start offering the service; just like that.

How long has your online dating service been running for?

I’ve been doing this for about two months now.  I get match making requests daily  at any time of day.  I usually respond after work or during the weekend.

What are your thoughts on online dating?

It’s the next best thing since chocolate!  With our hectic schedules who honestly has time to physically meet new people?

What are some of the requests you have found “strange” in the match making service?

The strangest request has to be the one guy who asked me if I could hook him up with a professional prostitute.  He offered to pay me handsomely.

Have you received feedback from the couples you have paired up?

Yes, I’ve received both negative and positive feedback. Unfortunately; some people have rejected their matches because they’re either not good looking enough or they don’t keep a stimulating conversation going.  There are also those who totally ghost and you can never tell what the review is. On the bright side some people are excited about the service and sing praises of a job well done when they pair up with someone.

How do you guarantee security for your users?

At this stage I don’t offer security yet.  I try to verify the identities of all my clients.  Once matched the onus is upon the matched to do their own homework about their match.  I hope to improve on security as my service gets sophisticated.  However, privacy is 100% guaranteed.

Do you have any additional services coming up?

Yes.  I plan to start an advice column soon.  On your blog 🙂

What else can we expect from Aunty Tari?  I’m expecting wedding bells from the match making but what do you hope for your clients?

I’m hoping to raise awareness of online dating.  It’s not the scary monster everybody thinks it is.  A lot of people seem to think online dating is just for hook ups.  You would be surprised at the number of beautiful stories with happy endings that started online.  I also want my clients to realise that both love and friendship can be found online.

Any advice for those wanting to venture into online dating?

You only live once!  Try it out and above all else make sure you verify everything your match tells you.  You wouldn’t want unpleasant surprises.

Thank you Tari for taking time out of your busy schedule to share your journey with me.  If you would like to connect with her you can find her on Twitter: @tariwemadimples  Feel free to go through her hash tag #AuntyTariDatingLounge who knows, you might be lucky to find your match.

I would like to call on all the techy readers I have.  If you’re good at creating apps this might be a great opportunity to partner up with Tari and create our very own Zimbabwe Dating App.  This about it…

Have you tried online dating?  What are some of the great and not so great things you’ve heard about it?  Let’s talk.

 

©MaKupsy 2018

4 Relationship Deal Breakers

Show me a woman who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar! – MaKupsy 2017

The following deal breakers apply to both male and female so pay attention this might be the reason why one or some of your relationships have not worked out.

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Image from Google

Poor Hygiene

I don’t know about you but personally if the person who is supposedly pursuing me is not friends with taking a bath that might be an actual reason to go our separate ways.  I think that we should all love ourselves enough to take care of our bodies and that includes basic things like taking a bath, brushing your teeth, cutting your nails, flushing after yourself when you leave the toilet and wearing clean ironed clothes!!  It might sound basic on paper but some people couldn’t care less and go around looking like they just walked out of a maize field and expect to get a partner looking like that?

Inability To Spend

Now before you raise your eyebrows I am not talking about a man spending money on a woman.  I am talking about an individual spending money on THEMSELVES.  This right here is an actual cause of concern because if you are not occasionally spoiling yourself with the finer things what are the chances of you doing the same for a partner if you end up with one?  However, this can work either way because one may not necessarily spend on themselves but will spend on their partner…BUT it’s very rare that this happens; it’s complicated really.

Drive & Ambition

Show me a woman(man) who doesn’t want a man with a plan and I will show you a liar!  As you get older relationships become less of “Let’s see how this goes” and more of “What’s the plan between us”.  By plan I don’t mean a couple getting marriage which is a great idea by the way.  In this case I mean a plan to work together and encourage each other to reach personal and couple goals.  A plan for what your day, weekend, month or year together will look like.  Nothing brings a yawn fest as much as having a partner who has no plan whatsoever for the team.  Remember a relationship is a team effort and if you are the only one driving the team you will get tired and that right there will be the beginning of many problems to come.  I once had a conversation with a friend who told me that in order for people to have less stress in relationships they should try and pair up with people who “mirror them”.  Loosely translated to be with someone who has dreams, aspirations and the same energy as you do that way you will be team players and not have a situation of a pilot and a passenger in the relationship.

Dishonesty

This has to be the biggest deal breaker for me.  If you are in a relationship feelings change for the worst or the best and that is perfectly okay.  It is always best to communicate how you feel about the next person because even though some of the honesty might hurt it saves a couple time.  For example, if you fall out of love with someone don’t keep quiet about it and hope things will change.  Sometimes all you need to do is talk about it with your partner and find ways to bring back the fire.  If that fails then do the adult thing and break up amicably.  Most people choose to keep quiet about how they feel and end up cheating and hurting more people than necessary in the process.  If you are about this relationship business then you have to start getting your communication skills in tip top shape.

We were all brought up differently and when you get into a relationship this is the first thing you need to remind yourself.  What might be perfectly normal to you might be foreign to the next person.  You have to be patient and get to learn what you are both about but it doesn’t mean you have to stay on if you are unhappy.  Your happiness comes first and after you have tried everything to try and blend in it’s fine to walk away and take care of yourself.

These are the four main deal breakers for me.  What are yours?

I know I didn’t add cheating but it’s so cliche everyone says they won’t tolerate cheating but most people end up putting up with it when they find out but that’s a story for a completely different day.

Today, let’s talk about what will stop you from dating that one person you have your eye on?

©MaKupsy 2018

Imagine A World With Dololo Lobola

Around the 1940s lobola payments didn’t cost much.  From my understanding if the young man who wanted your daughter’s hand in marriage came from a poor family he could pay his lobola in the form of a hoe. (not to be confused with whore) The young men from the affluent families could afford to part with a cow or two or more who knows, I wasn’t there.  Please note that back then there were no monetary transactions and everything was processed in the form of goods and services.  Lobola made economic sense in (our imaginings at least of) a precolonial setting.

Paying lobola meant that you would have someone who would work the land, do the dishes, bear children and look after the family.  People were breeding left, right and centre…babies everywhere.  I’m talking about a whole trailer of 13 children.  However, it wasn’t an issue because a bigger family meant you had more hands and more hands make work lighter and getting more work done meant more resources were available.  They worked the land and it bore beautiful fruits that paid dividends.  Those who could afford it; sent their children to school and if they excelled jobs were readily available.  In no time, one would be a teacher earning a decent amount of money and take care of family back home.  By age 18 one could start a family.  Hey, life was good.

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Image from Pinterest

Fast forward to the year 2018.  Things have taken a completely different turn.

  • Both men and women have goals to achieve.  In the 1940s most people’s focus was to start a family but now people want to up their educational qualifications, invest their money, buy big cars and houses and starting a family is not top priority for some.  They’re getting married later and later in life and having less children.  Most people I know have one child only and a few have two.
  • Most people are highly educated and qualified but aren’t going to work.  There are no jobs available.  The lucky few who are employed are either underpaid, not getting paid at all or have a side hustle that has been stopped by the powers that be.
  • The few of the few who are well paid have their fortunes exposed to a high risk of abuse.
  • Most men are now questioning why they need to pay lobola when everything can be accessed without a commitment.  You need your laundry done and house cleaned, hire a maid, you want sex, dial a booty call, you want kids, enter an arrangement with someone or adopt, you want companionship, go hang out with the boys.  It’s a scenario of why buy the whole cow when the milk is free?

A lot of people have expectations that their children will take care of them later on in life or when they get older.  I always ask them if these children asked to be brought into this world?  This is a burden to the children.  As far as I’m concerned if you choose to have children it’s your responsibility to take care of them and yourself as well.  You can’t go through life expecting a payback. What happens if those children never strike any luck financially?  Worst case scenario…what if they die?  What becomes of you?

This is why some parents charge obscene amounts as lobola as compensation.  Now you have some families asking for a bride price of give or take 30 000 United States Dollars.  From where now? In Zimbabwe where unemployment is estimated at 95% by some sources coupled with a failing economy?  It defies logic. The most common reason I hear for charging amounts in this range is that the parents say they educated their child at a very expensive University.  Like guys, that was your responsibility!   So remember, your children are trying to start a life together and if you wipe away all their savings from where do you expect them to start?  Question…

I have a few questions which need answers for those in the know:

  1. How come no one is paying the parents of the man who comes to marry seeing that people view lobola as a “token of appreciation”?  Is he not appreciated?
  2. If lobola isn’t paid what’s the worst that could happen?

In my humble opinion lobola is probably the reason why we are far from women’s emancipation in Zimbabwe because women are treated as “commodities” and have a price tag on them.  It becomes difficult to see each other as equals in marriage when the man feels he had to “purchase his wife.”  In the 1940s lobola made sense.  In 2018 the foundations upon which it was built have shifted.  I don’t see the real benefits of this tradition in present day.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

©MaKupsy 2018

Whose Chore Is It Anyway?

Do you hate doing your ironing?

Do you sometimes stash your unwashed dishes in the fridge when you don’t feel like doing them?

Do you dread weekends because you know you have to spend the greater part of your morning doing household chores?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then you dear reader are just like me and you completely hate doing household chores.  It’s unfortunate that it’s something that needs to be done but if I could I’d buy disposable everything, from clothes to cutlery to save me the headache of cleaning.

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Image from Google

I once penned down a post; okay I lie, a rant titled Women Need Help Too.  I was deep in my feelings because I couldn’t believe that couples were burdening each other with house chores.  I didn’t know any better.

A talk with a friend of mine made me realise something concerning this household chores thing. Let me share some of his thoughts;

  • Some people enjoying caring for others, it’s their language of love (acts of service) so they are perfectly okay with doing household chores while their partner does nothing.
  • It depends on the generation they’re from.  Most of our parents grew up in a time where the woman did all the work while the man either did gardening or nothing at all around the house.  Being seen in the kitchen would make the woman feel offended so they didn’t attempt to do any cooking.
  • Some people believe that the only way something will be done right is if they do it themselves.

After he told me this I promise you I was shocked.  It was a refreshing angle to look at the issue from and it helped me calm down.

Let me give you a working example; I love me some fish(my strength is eating) but I hate preparing it.  The whole process is just messy for me and by the time I finish cooking it I don’t feel like eating it anymore.  My boyfriend on the other end, he doesn’t mind doing it at all so when we choose to have fish he knows he will be responsible for that and I’ll gladly do the dishes.

I don’t like cleaning but my strength is doing a thorough job of it.  When I start I won’t stop until the place is spotlessly clean.  My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I visit because he knows when it’s time to clean I’ll turn the place upside down to make sure everything is in place.  He doesn’t like doing that he prefers doing what he calls “the males version” of cleaning.  However, at the end of the day, everyone is happy and no one feels like they’re doing all the work by themselves and that works perfectly fine for us.

I think at the end of the day in order for things to work out both parties should let each person flourish in their strengths.  Not forgetting that whatever you do during the course of your relationships will simply amplify if you choose to get married so make sure you choose wisely.

Couples that do chores together stay together. – MaKupsy 2018

What are your thoughts on the subject?  What do you look forward to doing without prompting when it comes to house chores?

©MaKupsy 2018

 

15 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

Heartbreak; if you haven’t gone through it then you my dear are one of the lucky few.  In my opinion the pain that comes with it is right there next to labour pains.  It’s something you don’t want to experience more than once because the pain usually scars you for weeks, months and sometimes years to come.  I asked some of my favourite people on Twitter to share how they managed to get over a heartbreak and as always they didn’t disappoint!  I like to keep opinions anonymous so names are not mentioned.  Their healing processes and some of mine are in the list below.  Kick back, grab your notepad and fix yourself a strong cup of coffee you will want to keep this!

  1. Cry. Cry yourself to sleep, cry yourself through the day, cry each time you listen to that sappy song that reminds you of him, heck cry yourself a whole river!  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, crying will help wash away the pain.  Whatever you do, DO NOT internalise your emotions.
  2. Get high or die trying. Seriously.  Nothing makes you feel better like a good old smoke.  You are guaranteed of short term memory loss which is a good thing because you can focus on the feel good sensation and forget about your broken heart for a while.  Proven effects include joy, euphoria, contentedness and a care-free attitude!
  3. Cut contact, otherwise you will find yourself snooping on their social media this is very unhealthy.   I suggest you actually take a social media fast for the next 30 days in a bid to protect yourself.  The last thing you want to do is see your ex partner all loved up on Instagram.  That will actually do you more harm than good, heartbreak and social media are NOT friends!
  4. Get up under someone new.  Try this at your own risk.  An orgasm a day keeps the stress away.  Yes, I made that saying up but it’s a sure way to take your mind off your ex but just make sure whoever you decide to have sex with will actually shower you with multiple orgasms otherwise the whole act will be pointless and leave you frustrated.
  5. Listen to some music. Not the sappy sad stuff by the way. Something upbeat to lift up your spirits.
  6. Move to another place.  Try getting a job in a town hours away from your current location or better yet leave the entire country.  That way you can heal faster without any memory triggers.
  7. Keep yourself occupied. Spent time with friends, do your favourite things.  Try positive distractions such as going out and doing something fun especially something new. Amusement Park, dancing; getting out and not focusing or dwelling on the heartbreak.

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    Photo Credit: @tendai_angela (Instagram)

  8. Put yourself out there. You don’t have to rush into another relationship but just go on dates and feel wanted. It helps to not be lonely and also just for the confidence boost.
  9. Alcohol! , it numbs the pain.  Those who don’t drink can safely turn to ice-cream or comfort foods; hello calories!!  I have tried and tested this one and all I can say is that alcohol will fix the problem for that day but when you wake up sober all the pain will come rushing back.
  10. Accept that it’s over.  This is probably the most crucial point because without this you won’t be able to.  Accept it and do not be bitter, okay TRY very hard not to be bitter.
  11. Positive self talk and reflection.  Remind yourself it’s their loss and not yours. BUT also look at your contributions to the demise of your relationship.  Avoid self blame at all costs but focus on reflecting. This usually happens further down the road to mending your heartbreak.
  12. Let go completely.  You are not trying to do the whole “Oh we’re broken up but we’re cool and modern so we can be friends” – it just prolongs the pain! CUT TIES…Cut it, Cut it, Cut it, you need to cut it!!
  13. Be kind to yourself.  You will have days where you will be upset with the world.  It happens, embrace it.
  14. Time.  It mends the heart.  I know others believe getting straight into another relationship helps you get over another one. This is not everyone’s portion.  Avoid going from one mess straight into another.  That way when you say “I am over someone” you really over them. There are no comebacks.  Time is often under estimated; especially nowadays because everyone wants an instant fix. There is NO QUICK FIX for heartbreak. This is why we end up having relationships with broken people who haven’t healed from past mistakes. Be fair to the next person. Take your time, you do not heal overnight.
  15. Understand that heartbreak is a part of life.  Not just in romantic relationships but in life in general.  Lovers, friends and family will disappoint you so always be prepared to find a way to deal with it.  Learn from your experience and remember that you are not the first or the last one to experience this.  This too shall come to pass…

How have you dealt with heartbreak in the past?  How long did it take you to finally reach the point where you could bump into your ex and they will have zero effect on you?

Let’s talk about it, I would love to read your thoughts.

©MaKupsy 2018

4 Reasons Why Men Cheat

I know for a fact that each time someone cheats we are left with the big question WHY?  Why would someone who claims to love you put you through pain you can never explain.  I know us women go through a lot of theories trying to think what we could have done differently to stop our partner from cheating.

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Image from Google

 

Today I am doing something different on the blog.  I was having a conversation with a friend this morning and the topic of infidelity came up.  He wishes to remain anonymous but I will share his thoughts on the subject.  My comments are in italics but you can join in the discussion in the comments section.

Reason Number 1:
The biggest reason why most man will always cheat or cheat on their partner at least a few times is because its in our DNA. Whether you believe in Science Evolution Theory or The Biblical version of things, man in both backgrounds have always been known to have more than one partner. While change is inevitable and these days equality suggests that one man for one woman, the evidence is there that this is something that will likely never change because its deeply rooted within us.  Men naturally have a huge appetite for women and pure satisfaction can unfortunately never be fulfilled by one woman.
This dude has some mad jokes!!  Men have what?  Oh, okay, so does this mean women don’t have a huge appetite as well?  Who says only one man can satisfy a woman?  While one can completely satisfy them say in bed, how do you know they satisfy her emotionally, financially or in any other department.  It’s not just men who have an appetite darling, even some women feel that way but they have this one thing, CONTROL.  You have to learn to control your desires, you can not have everything you want in this life. 
Reason Number 2:
For historic reason, society is more accepting of a man’s transgressions in a relationship than it is for woman. And this is again closely related to reason number 1 where history shows that back then (and current as well in some cultures) societies accept that a man can have more than 1 partner. Most African cultures before western influence, believe(d) that a man can have more than 1 partner. This subconsciously influences some of our decisions to be unfaithful. “The all because I can” factor.
You see why I am not getting married anytime soon.  It’s things like these.  How do men feel so much entitlement.  Kutoita hake chihure munhu achiti mungandidii?  (Going on to cheat because he knows you can’t do anything about it)  The unfortunate thing is that men know that most women will complain, cry and do all sorts when they find out that their men are cheating but very few will leave and in my opinion that just gives them more fuel to cheat on their partner.  I think that if you want to be in an open relationship then go ahead and be honest about it from the get go and not say you are in an exclusive relationship but you can still get to be doing all sorts on the side.  That’s unfair because men know very well that if the tables were turned they would not be amuse, AT ALL.  Anyways, society, do tell me why we are allowing men to get away with cheating in broad daylight????
Reason Number 3:
Sense of dominance over their partner. Once a man starts to feel that “I have this one wrapped around my finger” It’s highly likely that he gets a big head and decides to have another woman enjoy what i have to offer. More often that not you do it knowing that even if you’re caught, you’ll twist in a way that she’ll forgive you. 
I read this as when a man starts making money he starts feeling like he needs to get more women to spend it with…I don’t know about you guys.
They know our weakness!!  They know we will continue to take back their lying and cheating asses back!  What must happen now?  Sometimes you think to yourself I am going to leave him but you think what are the chances of the next guy cheating as well and then you stay…I blame society.  I remember the infidelity stories I would hear growing up and aunts and relatives would always advise whoever was going through the most that they had to stay strong because that’s what men do.  Imagine all that emotional abuse that comes with cheating and someone just says “stay strong”? THE FUCK? 
Reason Number 4:
This is the last reason. The most common reason why men cheat on their partners is because they are not satisfied. It can be because of many things but it all comes down to dissatisfaction. Please get me well, this is not directly to do with sex; although sexual dissatisfaction is one of the many reasons such as your character, your attitude, your physical features, the way you handle yourself, your dressing, the way you take care of yourself.
Then he goes on to say more jokes.  How am I supposed to be taking care of myself when you are busy cheating on me?  That will be the last thing on my mind isn’t?   Dressing for who, for the why?  You men never get satisfied, even if we do the most you will still do the most!  Okay fine, maybe I am just being a tad bit dramatic here.  I might have to agree with him on this one.  Sometimes I can’t help but feel that some women tend to relax and let go of themselves because we know we are now hitched so need to keep working at keeping our men. We all know that one woman who used to be such a flame before she got married and once she was she has turned into this unkempt woman because well, she is married now so why go the extra mile?  I guess things like that get to men and they start looking elsewhere.  There is actually a Shona song that says something about your man will leave you if you stop taking care of yourself inside and out.  That said, I think communication is of paramount importance because without that the next person will never know that they are doing something that is killing the vibe.  This goes to both men and women!  
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Image from Google

The reason why men cheat can be one of the above. Though I can not substantiate this with any formal research that I have done or refer you to one that is out there.  I would want believe that it is highly likely a man will cheat on partner in his lifetime.
I could safely say the same for women, read the story here.
What are your thoughts on this?  Will you take back a partner after you found out that he was cheating?  Would you still love him and trust them the same way?  Would you cheat on them as well or just leave it at that?  I have so many questions on this topic but I would like to hear from you.  Let’s talk.
©MaKupsy 2018