Day 18: Sex Education

Sex posts are one of my favourite things to blog about but today I won’t take you on an erotica journey, sadly for you.  Today’s challenge requires us to write about sex on the first date but I’m taking this opportunity to reshare a post I wrote 2 years ago.  Let’s talk sex education.  Are you taking steps in educating your children about sex or you are hoping they will remain virgins till the world comes to an end?  Remember you are responsible for how they perceive a lot of things, sex included, don’t wait for someone else to feed them with false information.  Today’s read will take you less than 10 minutes to enjoy, grab some popcorn it’s about to get real!

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Image from Google

You know that talk a child gets just before they enter their adolescent stage?  Well, I got that talk, the only difference was that mine was a very scary version.  You see, in our culture back then most parents were not very comfortable talking about sex with their children.  That job was left to the aunt but with people moving far and wide in the end your mother was left to do all the work and boy did she do a shoddy job of it.  In order to stop me from indulging in any sex her plan was to tell me stories that would stop me from even dreaming about having sex. (they worked for a while though)  I remember the day my mother sat me down to tell me how I should not have sex before I was married.  Mind you she didn’t even use the word sex; I am still to remember what term she used but I just concluded she meant sex.  She told me that if I got too close to a boy or even let him touch any part of my body her back would break.  THE HORROR!!  I didn’t even date anyone during my teen years because I was obviously scared shitless.  Why would I want a boy anywhere near me?  So that my mother’s back breaks??  That was definitely going to happen on my watch, I love my mother too much to cause her any harm!

And so I sailed through my teen years until one day a boy I fancied started writing me letters.  I was obviously excited and kept this my little secret.  I remember going for a walk with him one afternoon and then before we said goodbye he kissed me!  OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!  I was terrified!  I ran all the way home, locked myself in the bathroom and kept looking in the mirror to check if my parents would be able to tell if I had been kissed.  I was miserable for the rest of the day and when they came back from work I acted normal but my heart was pounding so hard I felt like it was going to jump right out of my throat.  The next morning and the weeks to come I woke up worried thinking my mother’s back would surely break after that kiss!  But of course nothing happened and years later I started dating, I even had sex (protected of course) and no one’s back ever broke, like ever!

I had to learn about sex through school mates and talks the women who would occasionally come to school and talk about not allowing anyone to touch your body.  They didn’t actually say anything about safe sex or contraceptives and the whole shebang.  And so I had to read about most of the things in books and or overhear my sisters talk about condoms then I figured that’s what you were supposed to use.  To be honest that was the only form of contraceptive I knew of; that and abstaining.  I still feel that my mother could have done a better job of informing me about sex and not have me wonder and seek answers from outside sources.  She did a very good job of letting me think that sex was a very bad thing not to be talked about, had or enjoyed because something terrible would happen to you.  At the same time I don’t blame her because she grew up in a time where such talks were unheard of.

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Image from Google

I asked a few friends around me to tell me how their “birds and the bees” talk when they were younger and this is the feedback I got:

“Ahh, I don’t remember being told anything by my mum.  She just told me no boys before finishing school.”

“She gave me the finer details about sex when I was around 16.  Even told me how people have sex so that little boys wouldn’t trick me with the don’t worry it isn’t sex line.”

“She never said anything.”

“I had sex figured out from my teacher.”

“We never had the talk she just said if you get pregnant don’t ever come back home.”

“Stay away from sex because you will get pregnant!  If a boy tells you he loves you run for your life!”

I am happy and sad at the same time with this kind of feedback.  Happy because it shows that I wasn’t alone in being told ridiculous things in the name of no sex before your time.  Sad because we were not given enough information about what sex really was even though we were still too young to understand it.  At least one person out of all my friends actually got to know what sex was the rest of us have to figure it out by ourselves!

When my daughter gets to adolescent stage I will sit down with her and we will have an honest and open talk about sex and not hide anything from her so that she knows how to protect herself and be aware of the on goings of her body.  I won’t scare her or tell her any lies because I want her to know she can come to me and talk about anything at anytime.

A fellow Blogger www.conscious2conscience.wordpress.com taking part in the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge shared these sentiments;

Media will have us telling our kids too much too soon but I’m a firm believer in things being age appropriate and in parenting instincts.  When your child asks you what sex is ask them what they already know, ask why they want to know, and then take it from there.

What was your first sex talk like?  Who told you about the ins and outs of sex?

©MaKupsy 2017

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Take Time To Unpack

School days are the best days of your life?  I think not!  I remember the year, 1993 it was sometime before Christmas.  My parents told me that I could write up a list of friends I would invite over for a party and I was delighted.  I used to have a birthday celebration each year but it was always with my siblings and hardly ever with my friends so you can imagine the excitement.  A few days later I was informed that we were going to Marondera and I didn’t read much into it.  My grandmother stayed there and we visited her often so for me it was just another trip to see Gogo(grandmother).  I was wrong, we were moving and no one even cared to tell me.

It was only when we arrived in Marondera and we didn’t go to Gogo’s place that I realised that something was amiss.  I was shown our new home and what was going to be my new bedroom and I was not amused.  You see, when we were in Chinhoyi the house we stayed in was tripple the size of the one I saw before my eyes.  The neighbourhood was completely different, I knew no one except my cousins who stayed I didn’t even know where because we met when we all went to Gogo’s place.  I was devastated.  I actually cried buckets and told my parents I wanted to go back to Chinhoyi and be with my friends, my school and everything that I was familiar with.  Mothers back then didn’t take tantrums lightly and my mother would whoop my ass for being dramatic.  I cried myself to sleep so many nights, I missed my friends.  I missed home.

I had to attend a new school and as you can imagine I felt like an outsider.  Making friends was a real mission.  I loved sport, I could swim and play tennis but I didn’t make it to the team because the school already had their set of students they had already “chosen”.  I remember taking up hockey instead and I struck some luck there and ended up being in the team.  Even after trying to make friends through sport people didn’t seem to like me.  I was bullied and secluded.  The one time all the girls in my class called for a meeting and sat me down.  I don’t remember what it was about but I remember walking home in tears and wishing I would either go back to Chinhoyi or die.  Children can be really cruel and to date I don’t understand why they treated me that way.

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Image from Google

At home my father never wanted me to leave the house.  I was always under lock and key.  The only time I was allowed to play outside the gate was when I went out to ride my bicycle.  That was one of my favourite things to do.  A few weeks after we moved my bicycle was stolen and I was left with nothing else to do with my time.  Eventually I was allowed to go and play with children my age but only till a certain time of day then it was back to being under lock and key.

I still have memories of having to sit outside during break time by myself because the other girls were “punishing me”.  Was it because they had already established who their friends were and I was messing up things for them by being the newbie?  Was it because I loved to take part in sporting activities?  Was it because I didn’t know anything about the town?  I had and still have so many questions because I can’t imagine why people would have such a strong feeling of dislike of someone they really didn’t know.

I never looked forward to going to school.  I hated every minute of it.  I remember telling my parents about what was happening but they brushed it off.  There were a lot of incidents that happened that I won’t dwell on because as it is I am typing this and crying at the same time, the wounds are resurfacing all over again!  I grew up telling myself that once I am done with school I am never coming back to Marondera if it’s the last thing I do.  I hate that place, it has so many unpleasant memories.  Each time I travel and I start feeling home sick it’s not Marondera I will be thinking of, I will be thinking of my home here in Harare.  It was only yesterday that it dawned on me that this is the reason I never enjoy my visits to Marondera, the place haunts me…

 

©MaKupsy 2016

You Can Make It Happen!

I like to describe myself as a “Go Getter” because from a very young age I have managed to make things happen on my own.  I think the huge age gap between my siblings and I played a part in that because I felt like an only child.  They were in boarding school the greater part of the time and I was at home with my parents with no one else to play with except myself. That right there is the one reason I became one adventurous child.  I had nothing but time on my hands and I experimented with climbing trees, playing tennis and attempting to walk from preschool to our house because my dad had delayed in picking me up.  The adventures are plenty and I am going to tell you all about them.

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3 year old me 🙂 Kariba

Swimming

Anyone who claims to know me will tell you that I LOVE to swim.  That’s my summer highlight.  I am out in my swimwear ready to dive into some cool, calming water.  It’s my next exercise of choice, actually, it’s not even an exercise it’s one of the many things I love to do.  How did it all start?  Everyone in my family can swim and the time we stayed in Kariba we would all go to the pool for an afternoon of fun in the sun.  They took me with them, put some floaters on my arms and let me enjoy the water.  When we moved to Chinhoyi a few years later my swimming obsession went crazy because we had a swimming pool by our house and at every given opportunity I was out there trying to learn how to swim with or without supervision.  I remember the one time I slipped and nearly drowned; I thought if my mother had found out  I had gone unsupervised I was going to die twice!! I continued to teach myself how to swim and by the time I started preschool I was water confident and remember graduating from the shallow end to the deep end in a matter of weeks.  Years later, Miss Kupsy has inherited my love for swimming and I take her with at every opportunity.

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Image from Google

Riding A Bike

I had a cute little red and yellow tricycle. Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures of it but I remember it very vividly.  I loved that little tricycle, it got me to the swimming pool faster than the speed of lighting. I soon outgrew it and got a bicycle with helpers as a birthday gift.  Seeing that my parents were at work the greater part of the time it was up to me to learn to how to ride the “big bike”.  I don’t know how many times I fell off that little bike but with every fall I kept getting back up and trying again.  That very day I remember my dad driving in and me racing my bike down the drive way to show him that I had figured out how to ride my bike.  He was so proud of me and promised to let me ride it to see one of my friends who stayed close by after a few days.  I still have scars on my knees from the countless falls I had on that day but they were all worth it because if I had not pushed myself I probably would have never learnt how to do so.

60e946cc-7cba-4ca4-b3ab-fdfc6e93561aSocial Media

I remember begging the father of my child to teach me how to use Twitter.  The guy would act like I was talking to myself.  He just said open an account and figure it out.  I was thoroughly annoyed.  I really thought he would sit down with me and give me a full on lecture on how to Tweet!  I was dying for a break from Facebook so I decided I would sign up and give it a try.  My first tweet read; “Tweet tweet hurray” not bad for a first timer right?  Don’t ask about the hash tags though, in my defense I was still new to the application and I was trying to navigate my way around it.  6 years later my followers have grown and not only do I have a Lifestyle Blog; I also have a Fitness Blog and a Fitness Movement that stemmed from my use of Twitter and social media.  My social media presence has exposed me to different opportunities and I continue to network with people who have dropped some valuable gems in my life.  I can safely say that the use of social media helped me to find my purpose.

If there is one thing that I have learnt through all the above experiences it is the fact that self taught skills are the best experiences life has to offer.  If you really want something sometimes waiting for someone to come and spoon feed you is not the best of decisions.  Get up and do something about those things you want to learn or do.  It can be writing a book,(watch this space for my book in December 2018!!) going back to school, designing a website, applying for that Visa and get to explore a whole new continent.  Whatever the case might be the power is within you to make it happen.

 

However, you must remember that it will take time.  If you want to build something worth your while make an extra effort to learn as much as you can on the subject at hand, network with those in the know, keep voice memos when an idea comes to mind; you don’t want to let it slip your mind!  Above all else, keep believing that you can do anything you set your mind to.

You are the creator of your own destiny.

Do tell me about some of the things on your to-do-list.  Have you already started working on them or you are waiting for a miracle to happen?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

I Will Marry For Money

“It’s okay babes; we sleep in this one room and eat our sadza and soup for supper the bottom line is we love each other…”

such fuckery!  Does this love you speak of swipe at Woolworths?

That statement above worked for our parent’s generation not this one.  You will do the most and after all that you get nothing but stress and heartache out of it.

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I see you making a face and saying to yourself, “I don’t believe she just made that her blog title!”  Believe it or not that’s how I feel and I am not changing my mind anytime soon.  You see; growing up I read one too many story books and watched too many Disney Princess cartoons that left me feeling like love was supposed to be all rosy.  There have been hardly any happy endings for me in the relationship department thanks to believing that fairy tales actually translated to real life stories. I made a decision a few years back that if I do decide to get married I am getting hitched to a rich man and I don’t care what anyone else thinks!  I am not trying to have a $2 wedding, if it’s going to happen it’s going to be HUGE!

The great thing about life is that you get to learn from your past mistakes.  Thanks to them I know that even though love is such a beautiful feeling it is not enough.  Love will not feed me or put a roof over my head.  Love usually fades after a few months or years for some but guess what, money if used wisely will be forever ( insert Janet Jackson story here).  I don’t know about the rest of the women but I will speak for myself when I say if I am going to be with someone I need to feel secure.  I want to know that if I stopped working today my husband will not let me want for anything.  I can still go on lavish trips, go on my shopping sprees, those spa dates will keep coming and above all else my daughter will continue going to that good school we would have enrolled her in because well, I have a rich husband.

Money makes the world go round.

I love watching those historical series like Reign.  They constantly remind me that back in the day people married for power.  Parents made sure that their daughters got married to the “right” family so that they too would benefit from that union.  Love was not something that mattered, most times they were told they would grow to love that person.  Which usually happens anyway, what’s not to love about someone who makes sure you are well taken care of?  So if it worked for them back then, trust me it still works now.

I am not one of those women who believes in 50-50 relationships.  I believe that the man is the head of the house and he should go out there and make that paper.  I think I am a 70-30 kind of woman actually.  Let the man do the leading please and allow me to enjoy being a woman in the background.

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I like beautiful things.  I love to be pampered and spoiled rotten and you can just imagine how extremely happy I will be if I married a rich husband.  I would want to have just one more child if all goes according to plan and trust me I won’t be having that child with anyone who will give me headaches.  Let the headache be about which car I will be driving to work today thank you very much.

Two things will happen if the rich husband doesn’t come along.  Firstly, I am working towards being a rich woman myself so that when he does eventually come we will build a whole empire!  Secondly, If he doesn’t come I will stay unmarried with all my money and enjoy every dime of it.

You guys can do this marry for love thing while I chill and wait for that rich husband to someday sweep me off my feet while working hard towards getting my own money.  If anyone tells you that I got married, best believe that rich husband came my way.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

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Compliments of the new season to every single person who reads my blog.  I hope you entered the New Year in good health.  Nothing is as important to me as my health.  I make sure each year I get my medicals done just to make sure everything is functioning as it should be.  I hope you do the same; your health is your wealth.

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Photo taken by yours truly 🙂

I had taken a break from blogging to enjoy the rest of 2015 and make priceless memories.  You have no idea how beautiful it is to end the year on a great note.  It felt good.  I remember compiling a list of places I wanted to visit in 2015 but never got to go to two of the destinations BUT this year I will definitely make my way to Malawi within the first half of the year without fail!

New year resolutions?  I didn’t make any this year.  What I do have are goals.  Let me elaborate for those who don’t know the difference between a goal and a resolution:

A goal is a desired result that a person wishes to achieve. It is a target that a person wants to reach

A resolution is a  decision or determination; a resolve: to make a firm resolution to do something.

From my own experiences in the past I have failed dismally at keeping my resolutions and that is the main reason I stopped making them.

My goals for 2016 include:

  • Making moves to write for a website which I have had my eyes on for months now.
  • Turning my fitness obsession into a money making machine.
  • Traveling, my goals would be incomplete without this.
  • Learning new skills pertaining my line of work.
  • Going back to school and beefing up my CV.

I will obviously have more goals as we get into the year but these are my goals for the first half of 2016.  Wish me luck!

Lastly, 2016 going forward I WILL PUT MYSELF FIRST, MY HAPPINESS, MY INTERESTS, MY ASPIRATIONS because life is too short to not make things happen for yourself!

Here’s to a fruitful new year.

MaKupsy

 

Why Do We Shun Our Mother Tongue?

I have just about had enough rolling of my eyes with some people who can easily tell you that, “Oh, my child doesn’t speak Shona” or “We couldn’t help her with her homework because we didn’t know the answers I can’t believe how hard Grade 1 Shona is” and yet there they are born and bred in Zimbabwe and 100% Shona.  You grew up speaking the language from day 1 and yet you want to take that away from your children?  Apparently this “not speaking in Shona” is supposed to be something admirable and it still puzzles me because in my opinion all you are doing is stopping your child from learning an important part of themselves.  Let me give you a real life example.

My older sister has a son, who is now 15 years old.  When he was a little baby my sister insisted that we only communicate with him in English and nothing else.  If the little boy his age who lived in the cottage by their house came to play with my nephew and he spoke to him in Shona he was quickly asked to leave because he was not helping with my nephew’s English speaking learning skills.   When my nephew got older he would visit my grandmother who didn’t know how to speak in English and she had a hard time conversing with him.  Sad right?  So very sad if you ask me.  In my sister’s world she was happy because by now he had a proper English accent and no trace of Shona speaking in his veins.  Now that he is all grown up we still don’t know if it’s okay to speak to him in Shona or stick to English because we have never heard him speaking in our mother tongue so it just makes everything so uncomfortable for everyone.  (I hope my sister doesn’t get to read this she will be absolutely pissed off with me!)  As it stands now my nephew is doing well in all his school subjects except for Shona.  At Form 3 he has to go for Extra Shona Classes.  Imagine parting with money to get someone to teach your child his mother tongue?  Absolutely ridiculous!!

What makes it even funnier is that there are white people who actually speak fluent Shona and yet here we are acting like we are too cool for it.  Then there are the coloured folks who act like they can’t hear a single word of Shona…I could really go in on this but that will take forever and a day.

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Anyways, who am I to judge, one must feel free to teach his or her child whatever language they see appropriate for their growth as an individual.  I have a daughter who I started speaking to in Shona because I wanted her to be fluent in communicating with everyone around her.  It was only last year when she started going to Nursery School she started to learn how to speak in English.  Right now she can fluently communicate in both Shona and English.  I actually wish I knew a third or fourth language because that way she would grow up to be multilingual.

I was doing a bit of research on the multilingual subject this morning and below are some of the benefits of being multilingual for both your child and yourself as well:

  • You can understand and appreciate cultural references and nuances.
  • Multilingualism can create job opportunities and help you navigate the world.
  • You notice and appreciate the things that are sometimes lost in translation.
  • You feel a sense of connection with your heritage, history and family.
  • Your interactions with people of different cultures go deeper.
  • And lastly, your self-expression excitingly takes on a multitude of forms.   (points taken from www.huffingtonpost.com)

I want to know your thoughts on this subject.

  1. Do you think a child should be exposed to exclusively one language?
  2. Do you have people in your country who also shun their mother tongue?
  3. What do you think is the real reason behind parents not wanting their children to speak their mother tongue.

MaKupsy

 

 

Road Trip To Chinhoyi

The weekend was definitely refreshing.  My cousin and I travelled out of town just to enjoy a day away from The Sunshine City (Harare), Zimbabwe.  We left around midday and I was the designated driver, you have no idea how exciting it is to drive when you finally get your licence!  Anyways, why did we choose Chinhoyi?  I have this serious connection with Chinhoyi.  When I was born we were staying in Kariba.  However, I don’t have any memories of the place.  All my childhood memories start from the time we moved to Chinhoyi.  I absolutely loved staying there, I went to nursery school and the greater part of my grade school in Chinhoyi.  Birthday parties, swimming, sleepovers, lunches, trips to the caves, mountain bike rides, modelling shows…all these were memories I shared with my childhood friends.  We moved in 1995 to Marondera.  I was completely heartbroken, I wanted to stay with my friends and grow up there but my parents had other plans…

1.jpgBack to the road trip.  First stop was the Chinhoyi Caves.  Gosh, I had completely forgotten that sight seeing was going to mean a lot of workout!  Going up and down the stairs was no joke, even for someone like me who exercises almost everyday  Do not attempt this if you are not fit, you will be out of breath and exposing your unfit self for the world to see. hahaha.  Everything was just as I remembered it and the caves still crept me out!  My cousin only went into the cave with the Sleeping Pool, she was too spooked out to get into the other cave.  I got into both caves, but the Dark Cave didn’t have much to go on about but still has this eerie feeling.

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We later went to the Chinhoyi Motel for a drink and to check out the swimming pool but we were both out of battery power so we couldn’t take anymore photos.  I on the other hand forgot my bathing suit so all I could do was place my legs in the water.  I was tempted to skinny dip but I don’t think the people were mentally prepared for such a scene. LOL.  Supper was a braai at some place called Christos a few kms out of Chinhoyi.  The meat was delicious, or maybe we were just super hungry?  All the same it was a perfect way to end our road trip.

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“Myth has it that if you throw a stone in the pool, the ancestors will throw it straight back at you with a curse! ” We were seated right by the sign where it says do not throw stones in the pool…the way I was tempted to throw one in there!

When we were heading back to Harare I felt like a part of me was left in Chinhoyi.  I can never forget or erase the beautiful memories I made when I was still staying there.  Even though we moved away, in my heart Chinhoyi will always be my hometown.

MaKupsy