Day 9: Beauty Has No Skin Tone

I didn’t know the term for it was colourism.  I just remember my mother giving my older sister a very strong lecture after she came home to visit and we could barely recognise her.  She hadn’t been home for over a month and it looked like she had gone from a brown skinned girl straight to “yellow bone”.  That wasn’t the term used back then but you get what I mean right?  Whatever product she was using only worked for her face so the rest of her body was dark and her face as bright as the morning sun.  She tried to defend herself and claim that she wasn’t using anything but my mother knew better.  Thankfully my sister listened and stopped using the product and was back to being chocolate skinned like the rest of the family.

I took this extract from my friend Tina’s blog; www.lifewithdimples.wordpress.com

I went to a lovely wedding a few months ago. I was sitting there enjoying myself when I overheard two ladies talking to each other. “Iiiiii ende akazviwanira kamukadzi kake kakanaka wena, katsvuku tsvuku futi, kaFanta chaiko!” Translation: “Ooo, he has really found himself a beautiful wife! She is light skinned too, just like Fanta!” They went on to discuss how her being light skinned was a relief as the groom was dark and so her genes would make sure the children wouldn’t be as dark as their father. I chuckled to myself and found it quite amusing that black people still actually thought like that. The more I thought about it though, the more I realised that colourism is a real cancer in our society which does not seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, it seems to be getting worse.

Methinks colourism affects almost every black person.  From young to old, men and women; somehow, somewhere the effects of colourism are there.  We have not yet embraced our magic.  There is a message that was drilled into our heads that being black is a sin, being black is dirty, being black is ugly, being black is of no value.  The stereotype message is that white is beautiful.  Think all things black people term as “the best”, believe me there is some whiteness associated with it.  It can be the school you decide your child to attend(so that they can get an accent), the area you decide to stay(because black neighbourhoods have too much noise), the hairstyle you choose to wear(so that your hair is straighter and close to the ideal “good hair”); the list is endless…

I took some time to watch this video and you should too.  You will be amazed at what children have to say about colourism.

 

I believe we still have a very long way to go where colourism is concerned.  Children are exposed to different messages that come in the form of toys, music, cartoons and other different forms of media that leave them believing that light skin is beauty.  However, as a parent I believe it is mostly my duty to raise a daughter who loves herself just the way she is.  Her complexion should not be used as a measure of her beauty.  I will continue to teach her to love herself loud and proud.  It took me a whole 30 years to finally realise that I didn’t need to conform to most of the standards set out by society and I have been the happiest person ever since! The advantage that my daughter has is that I’m on a mission to promote the magic of being black and she is very much a part of the movement and she doesn’t even know it!

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Photo Credit: @AmmaraBrown (Twitter)

“Beauty has no skin tone.”

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Photo Credit: @NyashaChidavaenziChoga (Facebook)

“Colour is the skin of the world.”

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Photo Credit: @_the_dimpled_one (Twitter)

“The best foundation you can ever wear is healthy glowing skin.”

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MaKupsy

“Black women are made of brown sugar, honey, cocoa and gold.”

What have been your experiences with colourism?  I know this is a very intrusive topic but I know there are a lot of stories to share on this.  I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

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This Is Why You Are Not Happy

I used to have a lot of friends but with time we outgrew each other because of different milestones we all went through which is perfectly okay.  Now I think I have probably have four really close friends who I know I can call on whatever time of day and just catch up, vent or talk about how we can grow in all life aspects.  I hardly mention names when I write up my posts because when someone reads my blog they always know when I am writing about them and the same applies today.  Let me tell you about a conversation I once had with a once was good friend of mine.  Let’s call him D.

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Image from Google

The one time we had gone out for coffee and we were catching up on life and all things random.  He asked me what I had planned for the weekend and frankly I had a whole list of things I wanted to do but I didn’t have the means.  I still remember what I told him.  I wanted to go for a long drive till I got to a place with a lake; park there and take in the sunset and calming surroundings.  After that I would probably take a dip because I love me some water and I always have a reason to swim.  That said, K said to me; “You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  I was like dude, are you mad?  How is that even possible you do know that I don’t have a car right?  He simply told me that he knew but that was all the more reason to start working towards buying my own car! Okay, that was a shocker but the shocker made me actually start looking at things differently.

You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  

I have a great example of how I made the first change.  I once joined a fitness group on Facebook that has been there for quite a while now.  I was excited to be part of a team that enjoyed fitness as much as I did but the downside was these guys only published posts for their regular members and so my runs and workouts were always pending.  I was gutted and told myself, self, you either have to suck it up and accept that this is how its done in this group or start your own group!  Of course I started my own group, are you mad, why subject myself to such misery?  It was the best decision that I ever made and it made me realise change can be just a click away!

We always have an excuse not to do something.  When you really look at it you are usually the one stopping yourself from achieving the majority of your goals.  Oh it’s too difficult, I don’t have what it takes, maybe if I had this, it’s because I went to this school, only people from certain backgrounds get to have that.  The excuses are plenty!  Listen; you only get to do this life thing once and you better make the most of it!  I used to be this person; always with a list of excuses but after the talk with D I grew up instantly.  If you don’t have a car then by all means take public transport to wherever you want to go, if you don’t have money to go to the gym then workout from home, if you are passionate about music but you are not part of a band then start your own band.  Stop waiting for a saviour and save yourself already.  Actually, you read this everyday on social media but you just won’t do anything about it but here I am trying to convince you.  Why am i even wasting my time?  As and when you are ready you will make that change.

I still don’t have a car by the way but I have set a target for myself and started working towards getting one.  My dream car is the Land Rover Discovery; she’s going to be my baby in this lifetime, one day is one day!  For now my first car will be a little fuel saver that takes me all over the country on a budget.  That way I will get to travel more and get to take a tonne of pictures, create memories and live my best life now.  I am still living my life like it’s golden by the way, pedestrian life and all but once I get my car it will be on level 47646727 so you guys should just watch this space!

Now let’s get talking, what is stopping you from living your best life now?  Do you want to die and not have lived as many happy moments as possible?  You know you can die today, right here and right now?  Would people say you were a bubbly soul who did everything in their power to spread happiness or you just lived each day unhappy and ready to stab yourself with a spoon out of sheer boredom?

 

©MaKupsy 2017

The Power of Social Media

It’s a beautiful feeling to know that I have a positive impact on people that I have never even met.  The other day I received a message which actually brought me to tears and I felt I had to share it with you.  It reads:

Having been a terrace member(members who don’t participate in the group) of several fitness groups with so much enthusiasm and at the start of it, a week or two after joining, I feel tired, drained and overwhelmed by the number of messages blowing up my phone. I mute the group because I cannot deal with the endless notifications, I’m high key irritated.

Months down the line, I have removed myself from the group having benefited nothing from it.

Having gone through so many fitness groups I became skeptical to join yet another fitness group and so it took a while for me to make a decision.

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It was during my decision making when it dawned on me that, I had been joining groups for the wrong reasons. Yes groups are there to push and motivate you but I lacked that within myself. I had not even an ounce of self drive or motivation to actually get myself out of bed and work out. I was looking for it in other people from those different groups. I ALWAYS had one excuse after the other. I didn’t really eat enough nor did I care about what I ate, as long as I stomached a meal at the end of the day. I ate one meal a day(throughout 2016) which was dinner simply because I had told myself that I did not have enough time to eat both breakfast and lunch.

Now how the hell did I expect to workout with such a diet? After months of body shaming myself and feeling out of control, I messaged Fitness Bae on Twitter in October 2016 out of desperation. I wrote down what she had said and turned into 2017 fitness goals. I realized that there was a lot of changes that had to be done. The first step was to apologize to my body for that is where the healing begins.

A few days into the new year, I got in touch with FitnessBae again, this time asking her to add me to the WhatsApp Fitness group. I was nervous because I had seen how obsessed she was with fitness while I was beyond unfit.

And so I joined the group “#RunWithFitnessBae”. Let me start by saying what a warm and welcoming group it is. Of the many groups I had been in, none of them where as warm and friendly(You would just join and only 2 or three members would welcome you). That for me was already a plus.

The group has an exciting twist to it and is not limited to fitness. What brought me to write this is how I have significantly benefited from the group in more ways than I imagined. Although most of the benefits are small they will go a long way.

I joined during the skipping challenge and my first skipping session was horrible, I could barely make it to 5 jumps. If I tell you now that I listen to the rope so much that I can skip on one foot from time to time you wouldn’t believe me. A week after joining I fell ill and was bed ridden for a whole week and a half. It felt bad and I was angry and moody. I was just there in the terraces doing nothing. My comeback was with the Old Mutual Run where I signed up for 5km bear in mind my longest distance was 1.5km

Then came the DT challenge, which ranged between 4km and 10km. I was nervous and told myself I would terrace on this one. But there’s something about the group that pushes you out of the terraces. People will post their workouts including their pace,elevation and total time (something I never cared about, but now, I look at all of those details) I found myself dressing up and going for the challenge each day. My body was in pain! I had never pushed myself so much in one week.

Im grateful for being part of the team. Even though my pace (which ranges between 08 and 09) and skips per minute are far behind, I’m at a happy place. When the team posts their workouts and I don’t post the level of guilt makes it hard to swallow sadza that night. And it’s because of this group that I found out that when I don’t workout I feel very cranky and moody. Once I get to workout, my mood changes. Not only do I workout, I eat healthy meals and portions too.

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I am still working on a few other things to catch up with the likes of Fitness Guru, Amy and DT😂 I have a long way to go but my motivation has significantly improved. I hope and pray that none of it is taken away from me by laziness, procrastination and all sorts of other distractions. It has taken so many falls,tears for me to get here, maintain and actually be happy. This is who and where I want to be for as long as I can.

Thank you again to the Team and these two quotes are what have been keeping me going;

  1. “Don’t listen to the pains, keep going”
  2. “Food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety drug and exercise is the most potent yet underutilized anti-depressant. Choose wisely”

You can find Leenah on Twitter she is such a happy soul and she has no idea how her message brought warmth to my heart.  Nothing brings me joy as much as knowing that my fitness craze has had people get up and do something about their health and wellness.  I live, breathe and sleep fitness and stories like this make me want to outdo myself each and everyday.  I am one person you can send a message to where fitness related issues are concerned and I will get right back at you because this is the stuff that fires my soul!

Thank you for the beautiful message Leenah and may you continue on your fitness journey with a positive attitude.

MaKupsy 2017©

 

Say Yes To Body Positivity!

Self-love is a characteristic some people in our culture fail to identify with.  We are raised to have limitations and not be the best versions of ourselves.  Often times we get into unhealthy relationships because of lack of self-love and we tolerate toxic behaviour which leaves us more damaged that before.

The other day we spoke about body shaming and one of the participants in the group shared her story which I feel a lot of people will relate to.  Have a read and share with anyone you think might benefit from this inspirational story.

Not so many years ago I weighed a whopping 120kgs and I wore size 44-46.  To be honest I was comfortable with my weight. My closest relatives actually complimented me on how “healthy” and “well kept” I was.  I actually thought being that fat was a sign to the world that I was fine and dandy.  I would eat any and everything and I would sit on the couch and eat a whole chocolate slab, packet of crisps and gulp down and entire bottle of red wine while I watched TV or read a book.  Exercise was something I would watch on TV and something I never got actively involved in.

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I got a rude awakening from my unhealthy eating ways when I found out that the man of my dreams had gone on to marry someone else on the exact same day he was meant to pay lobola for me.  I found out he had been dating my “skinny” friend and it had been happening for a while and I had never suspected it, the betrayal and the heartache were beyond comprehension!!  This whole time I was being a couch potato the man of my dreams was making other plans that didn’t involve me, life changing plans for that matter!  I decided to seek advice from the people who knew us and the people who were close to us and I was shocked and disgusted by the responses I got. Let me tell you the five top responses that made me hate my body and feel disgusted by who I was and who I had become;

  1. Aigodii nekufuta kwawakaita?” (What was he supposed to do with the way you are so fat?)
  2. “Honey, the way you are looking like a 40 year old and yet you are only 25years old is unbecoming”
  3. “I am so sorry but what did you expect look at your friend she is skinny, beautiful and fit and she is light skinned.”
  4. “I am so sorry about what you are going through but I think you are to blame I mean you are fatter than his own mother, he went to what was attractive.”
  5. “You need to lose weight. If you were skinny like his now wife I am sure he wouldn’t have strayed but her body compared to yours there was no chance you would keep him, hauna kana shape.  (You are shapeless)
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at 120kgs

Those were the harshest and most cruel things anyone had ever told me and what made it worse was the realization that in their heart of hearts all these people had thought this but never said anything about it.  I probably would have taken offence if they had but real friends would have said something about my sky rocketing weight.  Those words coupled with heartbreak drove to a state of self-disgust and I hated my body and food.  I blamed those two things for letting me not see that my man was losing interest in me and making plans to be with someone else.

I wished I could exchange bodies it seemed all the women I saw were slimmer and prettier.  Suicidal thoughtsyes I got them because to me there was nothing worse that the world seeing you as fat and ugly.  Couple that with everyone knowing that the man thought was for keeps had left you for a “slimmer” and “prettier” woman.  Thankfully, I couldn’t get myself to follow through my suicidal thoughts because I had two little angels who looked up to me and I couldn’t imagine leaving them.  Instead I decided to diet and lose weight but when I started my weight loss journey my reason was to win my man back, I wanted to be pretty for him and I thought he would love me again if I was “slim and pretty like her” and we would get back together and get married and our fairy tale life would continue as we had both imagined it.

And so my weight-loss journey began.  I gave myself a couple of weight loss rules that I was certain would work.

  • Eat as little I you can
  • Exercise for 8 hours a day
  • I have to match “her” weight or maybe lose a few more kilograms then I will be “pretty”
  • I will have to do all this within 90 days

I would eat practically nothing the whole day.  On an average day I would have 2 slices of brown bread and a lot of water the WHOLE DAY.  I would go to the gym from 5am to 9am and again from 5pm to 9pm and I would push myself harder and further each day till I go to a point where all I would eat in a day would be chewing gum when I felt hungry and water.

The weight dropped.  Within 3 months I had lost close to 70 kilograms but unfortunately I had also developed ulcers, acid re-flux and insomnia to name but a few.  My skin changed colour and even my hair grew thin and just when I thought people would compliment me they started saying I was sick and maybe I had HIV.  I clearly was not doing something right because even after all these efforts my man has still not come back to me.  I decided to lose more weight pushed myself to lose more. I think I had gotten to point of being anorexic because eating any food was no longer a part of my life.

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at 50kgs

An angel of mercy came to my rescue.  She had seen my transformation and had heard me break down in my room so many times so she sat me down and offered a few pointers.  I remember her advice like she told it to me just yesterday.

No matter how much weight I lost I would never feel beautiful unless I was beautiful to myself first.  Beauty comes from within and with me and then radiates on the outside for everyone to see.  Beauty did not have to be physical alone but both inside and out.

This got me thinking…

Yes I loved my ex boyfriend but for the right love to find me I had to love me first before anyone else could love me.  I had to be my first love and just because we did not work out it does not mean there isn’t a prince waiting for me out there.

 Weight loss and health work hand in hand. I had to take care of my body for it to take care of me. I had to lose weight in a healthy manner so as to avoid skin and stomach issues that I had developed as well as to curb the insomnia (the insomnia had got so bad I couldn’t concentrate at work and I got fired).

Being healthy and being mentally stable work hand in hand, if I am mentally stable I am able to deal with issues that come my way better.

My world and my actions should not be swayed or centered around what people will say about me or about my circumstances but it should be centered about what I feel is right and what I know I should do.

I had to find a way of dealing with my pains, ups and down besides turning to food or to the gym and I chose to keep a journal. That way I could separate issues and still eat healthy and love myself.

After the talk it took me a while to start eating again and to go to the gym.  I now work exercise for a maximum of 2 hours a day and I feed myself with positive affirmations each day.  I got over my ex boyfriend and I moved on. I became my first love and I taught myself to be able to separate issues and deal with them in a healthy and progressive manner. Today I weigh 89kgs (I am definitely not going back to tripledigits on the scale) I am exercising, I have a new job and I LOVE MY BODY SOOOO MUCH. I want to lose weight for me because I want to be healthy and I am doing it in a healthy way this time around.

My new rules of losing weight now are;

  1. Eat a maximum of 5 small meals a day
  2. Watch my portions
  3. Incorporate more vegetables in my meals and less carbs
  4. WATER, WATER and MORE WATER
  5. Run, skip and go to the gym
  6. Prayer and meditation for my soul
  7. Join group of other people that are in the same weightless journey as me for motivation(#RunWithFitnessBae)
  8. When I am not okay I write it down in my journal
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at 89kgs

You gain weight gradually and you will certainly lose it gradually.  Weight loss is a journey and not an event.  It takes hard work, determination and perseverance!

Have you gone through body image issues in the past?  If yes, how did you deal with them, if not, how have you helped those around you to love themselves both inside and out.

Fitness Bae®

Refuse To Settle For Less!

PRIORITY : a thing that is regarded as more important than others.

I am one of those people who believes in planning almost everything.  From what I am going to do from the moment I wake up, what form of exercise I will do that day, what I am going to wear, what I am going to eat, what I will do for my lunch break…generally how everything must go.  I would like to believe it’s the same for everyone else because you can’t tell me you just go through your day without a plan on what you will do with your day.  Okay, not everyone then but most people have a to do list, right?

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where do you find yourself on someone’s to do list?

Where is the problem exactly then, seeing that most people have to do lists that they work on day in and out?  My problem is when people around me choose to make me number 50 on their to do list and expect me to jump at the drop of a hat when they feel it’s time for me to show up. (Fortunately for me I don’t take that nonsense lightly). We all make time for the things we love or things that are important to us.  Here’s a good example; there is no way someone will call you to make a date at 8 pm and expect you to think that makes you special in any way.  Someone who really wants to see you will tell you when the day starts not at some ungodly hour.

Know your worth and if you realise that someone is taking you for granted and not treating you the way you should be then I say to you DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS.  I know it all too well, I have been through this and I do not want to see anyone else going through it. Too many times we hope and wish that someone will one day see the light and put us first on their to do list.  I wouldn’t wait to see how that ends because it always ends with you going further down their list of priorities.  Be selfish with your time.  This life is too short to be fighting for someones attention when you can be putting your time and effort into other productive things…like shopping and working on how you can get a better and mind blowing orgasm by yourself. It’s all about self love.

The long and the short of it learn to discern where you are wanted and where you are simply getting your time wasted. The moment you have to beg, plead, negotiate for someone’s love, time or affection is the moment you leave because you deserve nothing but the best!

©MaKupsy 2016

I Love My Natural Hair

On Saturday  I attended a natural hair Garden Party by Maestro.  It was hosted by Hanani Dube who is the creator of FroSister hair products.  The event was a success and it was very intimate as we got to discuss different issues surrounding natural hair.  You never stop learning, just when you think you now know almost everything about natural hair something else makes you realise you are near but yet so far on your hair journey.  These were the top tips I got from this event:

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with Blogger @Pineapple_ZW (Twitter)

  • Hair growth has three phases which are the anagen, catagen, and telogen phases. Each strand of hair on the human body is at its own stage of development. Once the cycle is complete, it restarts and a new strand of hair begins to form.
  • Massaging your scalp helps with hair growth, blood circulation and opening your pores.  It’s important that you take enough time massaging your scalp, 5 minutes or more will do the trick depending on how much time you have.
  • I asked about wash day for my daughter and I was told to wash her hair in stages. For example; undo her hair today, shampoo tomorrow and then braid it the next day.  That way she doesn’t get irritable and unhappy about the process.
  • You can co-wash (conditioner only wash) your hair in-between shampoo days.  This means say you Shampoo and condition your hair on a Monday and Wednesday but you have an event on the Saturday.  At this point it’s okay to do a co-wash because your hair is not very dirty.
  • A woman should have a signature look.  Choose at least two hairstyles that work for you and don’t give you a headache when its time to get your hair done.
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FroSister Garden Party; Hanani is the one with the beautiful Afro 🙂

That said, for those who missed the blog post on the reason why I decided to go natural you can read all about it below.

It was round about the time I had finished my A level examinations; with all the time on my hands I ended up experimenting with my hair. I remember the fit my mother threw when she found out I had went and got my hair texturised with Dark n Lovely.  She was not amused one single bit, she always told me that my hair was beautiful just the way it was but you know how most of us always think mothers just want us to feel better about ourselves because they have no choice, we are their children so it’s their job type of feeling? I kept my hair in texturised state for a couple of years.  At some point my hair started falling out at the back but I soldiered on because there was no way my mother was going to win the natural hair is better than texturised hair debate.  I went on to colour it to some wild orange colour.  Orange, really, of all the colours in the rainbow I chose orange!  I didn’t keep that colour for long until I decided to just chop off my hair and start again.  This time around I was determined to keep it in its natural state for as long as I could.  That didn’t go too well either because after just a few months of plaiting it I as back on that texturised tip. The thing is, I really wanted my hair to grow super long so I was impatient and in my head I thought that texturising it would speed up the growth.  It was clearly not working for me because once my hair grew to about 15 cms it simply stopped growing!!  I was beyond frustrated.  I got all the hairdos you can think of, from braids to weave ons.  I think weave ons just did more harm than good to my hair.  Fast forward to around August 2014 my hairline was receding and I was sure my hairline was starting from behind my ears. ((Laugh Out Loud!!!))  I had to either suck it in or continue stressing out my hair which was clearly not improving over the years. I kept thinking “oh my gosh, I am going to look like a guy if cut my hair”, then I changed my mind and said actually screw people and what they think, this is what I want and I am going to go ahead and do it.

So I woke up one morning and decided to chop it all off!  Yes, I took that big leap and knew my friends and colleagues were going to have a field day with me because the way I loved to be up to date with hairdos and all they were definitely going to wonder what had come over me.  I have a round face by the way and chubby cheeks, pair that up with short hair it was a definite shocker for everyone who knows me! I don’t regret the chop, I have been liberated in more ways than one especially on my monthly expenses.  I used to spend about $60 each month on hair alone and it is now down to $10.  Imagine the things I can do with the extra $50; more money to splurge on simple pleasures.  The amount of time I now spend at the saloon takes the cup any day.  In 30 minutes flat my look is done unlike before where I had to spend most of my Saturday stuck in one place without having time for anything else after it was all done up.  The one thing that used to dread about weave ons was the fact that after my jog or workouts I would be all sweaty and there was  no way of washing out the sweat, I had to wait for my next hair appointment to get my hair washed, which was usually after 4 whole weeks!  Thankfully that is a thing of the past now and I can wash my hair as and when I want to with no fuss at all.  The other thing I am thoroughly enjoying about my short hair is that I can swim as and when I want to and most of all with the rainy season you won’t see me running for dear life when it starts raining because I won’t be worrying about my hairstyle and how much I had to spend on it.

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Short hair stays winning 🙂

My confidence levels have gone crazy because now I own my look.  I love my hair, I am buying it all sorts of fancy shampoos, conditioners and moisturisers because it’s now easier for me to maintain. Before I had to hide a few flaws behind big hair but now what you see is what you get, it is 100% me.  Will I get plaited again?  I doubt it will be anytime soon, I am enjoying the freedom plus I have come across so many haircuts that I want to try out so no, it’s all natural for a while…And yes, my mother was right, natural hair looks beautiful on me, mothers are never wrong after all.

Have you ever gone all out and cut your hair?  What was the reaction from those around you? Will you do it again? If you have never done so or have second thoughts on doing it, what are the reasons?  I would love to hear from you.

Fro Sister Products are now available in Harare, Zimbabwe! FroSister natural hair products are now available in Harare. Please contact our distributors for all your hair needs on 077 176 8408.

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©MaKupsy 2016

Diary Of A Woman Who Learnt To Love Herself More

I created a WhatsApp group that I named #RunWithFitnessBae In this group we talk about different issues that are health and fitness related.  The other day we spoke about body shaming and one of the participants in the group shared her story which I feel a lot of people will relate to.  Have a read and share with anyone you think might benefit from this inspirational story.

Not so many years ago I weighed a whopping 120kgs and I wore size 44-46.  To be honest I was comfortable with my weight. My closest relatives actually commented at how “healthy” and “well kept” I was and I actually thought being that fat was a sign to the world I was fine and dandy.  I would eat any and everything and I would sit on the couch and eat a whole chocolate slab, packet of crisps and gulp down and entire bottle of red wine while I watched TV or read a book.  Exercise was something I would watch on TV and something I never got actively involved in.  I knew the benefits of exercise but remember me being fat was a sign of “wealth” so I was ok right? WRONG!

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Real women have nothing to do with size. Real women have RESPECT for one another. -Abbyclaire Herman

I got a rude awakening from my unhealthy eating ways when I found out that the man of my dreams had gone on to marry someone else on the exact same day he was meant to pay lobola for me.  I found out he had been dating my “skinny” friend and it had been happening for a while and I had never suspected it, the betrayal and the heartache were beyond comprehension!!  This whole time I was being a couch potato the man of my dreams was making other plans that didn’t involve me, life changing plans for that matter!  I decided to seek advice from the people who knew us and the people who were close to us and I was shocked and disgusted by the responses I got. Let me tell you the five top responses that made me hate my body and feel disgusted by who I was and who I had become;

  1. Aigodii nekufuta kwawakaita?” (What was he supposed to do with the way you are so fat?)
  2. “Honey, the way you are looking like a 40 year old and yet you are only 25years old is unbecoming”
  3. “I am so sorry but what did you expect look at your friend she is skinny, beautiful and fit and she is light skinned.”
  4. “I am so sorry about what you are going through but I think you are to blame I mean you are fatter than his own mother, he went to what was attractive.”
  5. “You need to lose weight. If you were skinny like his now wife I am sure he wouldn’t have strayed but her body compared to yours there was no chance you would keep him, hauna kana shape.  (You are shapeless)
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at 120kgs

Those were the harshest and most cruel things anyone had ever told me and what made it worse was the realization that in their heart of hearts all these people had thought this but never said anything about it.  I probably would have taken offence if they had but real friends would have said something about my sky rocketing weight.  Those words coupled with heartbreak drove to a state of self-disgust and I hated my body and food.  I blamed those two things for letting me not see that my man was losing interest in me and making plans to be with someone else.

I wished I could exchange bodies it seemed all the women I saw were slimmer and prettier.  Suicidal thoughtsyes I got them because to me there was nothing worse that the world seeing you as fat and ugly.  Couple that with everyone knowing that the man thought was for keeps had left you for a “slimmer” and “prettier” woman.  Thankfully, I couldn’t get myself to follow through my suicidal thoughts because I had two little angels who looked up to me and I couldn’t imagine leaving them.  Instead I decided to diet and lose weight but when I started my weight loss journey my reason was to win my man back, I wanted to be pretty for him and I thought he would love me again if I was “slim and pretty like her” and we would get back together and get married and our fairy tale life would continue as we had both imagined it.

And so my weight-loss journey began.  I gave myself a couple of weight loss rules that I was certain would work.

  • Eat as little I you can
  • Exercise for 8 hours a day
  • I have to match “her” weight or maybe lose a few more kilograms then I will be “pretty”
  • I will have to do all this within 90 days

I would eat practically nothing the whole day.  On an average day I would have 2 slices of brown bread and a lot of water the WHOLE DAY.  I would go to the gym from 5am to 9am and again from 5pm to 9pm and I would push myself harder and further each day till I go to a point where all I would eat in a day would be chewing gum when I felt hungry and water.

The weight dropped.  Within 3 months I had lost close to 70 kilograms but unfortunately I had also developed ulcers, acid re-flux and insomnia to name but a few.  My skin changed colour and even my hair grew thin and just when I thought people would compliment me they started saying I was sick and maybe I had HIV.  I clearly was not doing something right because even after all these efforts my man has still not come back to me.  I decided to lose more weight pushed myself to lose more. I think I had gotten to point of being anorexic because eating any food was no longer a part of my life.

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at 50kgs

An angle of mercy came to my rescue.  She had seen my transformation and had heard me break down in my room so many times so she sat me down and offered a few pointers.  I remember her advice like she told it to me just yesterday.

No matter how much weight I lost I would never feel beautiful unless I was beautiful to myself first.  Beauty comes from within and with me and then radiates on the outside for everyone to see.  Beauty did not have to be physical alone but both inside and out.

This got me thinking…

Yes I loved my ex boyfriend but for the right love to find me I had to love me first before anyone else could love me.  I had to be my first love and just because we did not work out it does not mean there isn’t a prince waiting for me out there.

 Weight loss and health work hand in hand. I had to take care of my body for it to take care of me. I had to lose weight in a healthy manner so as to avoid skin and stomach issues that I had developed as well as to curb the insomnia (the insomnia had got so bad I couldn’t concentrate at work and I got fired).

Being healthy and being mentally stable work hand in hand, if I am mentally stable I am able to deal with issues that come my way better.

My world and my actions should not be swayed or centered around what people will say about me or about my circumstances but it should be centered about what I feel is right and what I know I should do.

I had to find a way of dealing with my pains, ups and down besides turning to food or to the gym and I chose to keep a journal. That way I could separate issues and still eat healthy and love myself.

After the talk it took me a while to start eating again and to go to the gym.  I now work exercise for a maximum of 2 hours a day and I feed myself with positive affirmations each day.  I got over my ex boyfriend and I moved on. I became my first love and I taught myself to be able to separate issues and deal with them in a healthy and progressive manner. Today I weigh 89kgs (I am definitely not going back to tripledigits on the scale) I am exercising, I have a new job and I LOVE MY BODY SOOOO MUCH. I want to lose weight for me because I want to be healthy and I am doing it in a healthy way this time around.

My new rules of losing weight now are;

  1. Eat a maximum of 5 small meals a day
  2. Watch my portions
  3. Incorporate more vegetables in my meals and less carbs
  4. WATER, WATER and MORE WATER
  5. Run, skip and go to the gym
  6. Prayer and meditation for my soul
  7. Join group of other people that are in the same weightless journey as me for motivation(#RunWithFitnessBae)
  8. When I am not okay I write it down in my journal
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at 89kgs

 

You gain weight gradually and you will certainly lose it gradually.  Weight loss is a journey and not an event.  It takes hard work, determination and perseverance!

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

Workout Clothes

If you follow my blog religiously you will know that I am addicted to running.  When I first started my weight loss journey I used to incorporate all sorts of exercise routines such as Zumba, Yoga, Workout DVDs, Power Walking, Jogging, Skipping you name it…After a few months I settled for running outdoors because I enjoyed the renewed feeling that comes with an early morning run.  The other reason I prefer to run is because running costs you nothing, just your time and energy.  Now that is something worth smiling about!

I have had a lot of people ask me what it is I wear when I go running and where I buy the things.  Most people always have the “I don’t have anything to wear” excuse but that does not fly if you are serious about your fitness journey.  If you are serious about working out trust me you will make a plan!

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What do I wear?

I wear running tights which happen to be all black by the way.  I have really short, knee highs and full length pairs.  Sometimes I wear an old tracksuit bottom.  When it comes to the tops I decided to make good use of my old t-shirts and those complete the outfit.

Shoes?

I got both my pairs from Bata Store and each pair was less than $30.  The old pair I have is reserved for long distance run because it is very comfortable, not that the other two pairs are not but this pair has been through rain, mud, grass and still came out alive.  I went hiking with the other Bata pair and it doesn’t look too good after that.

Now that summer is here…

I NEED ME SOME NEW RUNNING CLOTHES.  At first it was okay to just cover myself up in boring old t-shirts because I had too many flaws I wanted to cover up.  For me, being overweight made me extremely self conscious.  Now that I am comfortable in my skin and can’t live without running I have to get myself new workout clothes with delicious colours to show off all the hard work I have put in over the past two years!

Oh yes, by the way I am now on Pinterest and I am disappointed that I had not given it a second look all these years, how I have missed out on so many things.  But it’s never too late right?  There are so many ideas on what you can wear when you go out for your run.  You can check out my board labelled Running Gear Wish List and we can get a heartbreak together because the outfits on there are very nice and I have no idea how I am going to get my hands on them!

That said, there is never an excuse to not go out and achieve your fitness goals.  We spend too much time worrying about what to wear, eat, gym membership the works when most of the times you can really do all these things without having to part with a lot of money.  My advice:

  • Look for an activity you enjoy, that way you will look forward to doing it.
  • Instead of buying all these fancy foods that supposedly help you lose weight just watch your portions.  For example, if you were having 8 slices of bread with your breakfast cut them down to 4.
  • Read on what it is you are aiming for (weight loss or weight gain) the internet is full of ideas.
  • Find a partner you can either workout with or be accountable to.
  • Lastly, stay addicted to fitness!

That said, what has been your excuse for not working out?

 

P.S Don’t forget to follow me on Pinterest

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

I Brought My Sexy Back!

I have never struggled with being a good person.  I’m fun loving, cheerful, I fall in love and I give it my best shot(and usually get my heart broken while I am at it), I like to view the glass as half full and most of the time I believe things will work out beautifully in the end.  But the one thing that I have struggled with over the years is my weight.  It never used to be that much of an issue until I had my daughter; then the weight came running!  I am all Miss Confident through and through but when the weight came so did the snide comments.  Now that just simply hurt and got to me and dating a guy back then who only had negative things to say about my weight did not help the situation one bit.  He would pass comments like:

“I have never dated a big woman I don’t even know why I am dating you.”

“The amount of food you eat is too much.”

“It’s embarrassing walking around with you because you are so big.”

My self esteem simply went crumbling down…Now I had to try and lose weight to make him happy and make sure he would not leave me for a slimmer woman.  Long story short, the relationship was toxic and I decided to end things and start anew to regain my confidence and get back to the bubbly person that I am.  The journey started in August 2014 and has been ongoing since then.

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Blue Dress 83 kgs Red Outfit 75 kgs

Now I have lost a good 8 kgs and still going strong.  Just last week I ran 10 kms non stop and even I couldn’t believe it!  I am in a happy place, I am strong, healthy and committed to exercising and eating healthy.  To be honest, back then I WAS overweight, but I think that when you are in a relationship with someone and you have their best interests at heart you will find a way to tell them that they need to work on their weight in a manner that won’t offend them or kill their joy.  Then again, if he hadn’t been so cruel maybe I would have never had the courage to leave and start working on myself and what makes me happy.  The irony of it all is that just the other day I bumped into him and he told me just how sexy and well-toned I was looking.  A little too late now huh?

Anyways, ladies, if you are struggling with weight issues just know that there is hope and only you are standing between getting your sexy back!   It will take time, change doesn’t happen overnight but once you see the results you won’t want to ever stop, it will become a part of your life.  Now all those comments that used to break me are a thing of the past.  The number of people who have asked me what I have been doing to look so trimmed are countless, even my workmates are asking me for tips on how to get back in shape.  It’s a good feeling to know that you can overcome the things you think are the greatest obstacles once you put your everything into it.

“Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going.”

MaKupsy

Because I’m Happy!!!!

I have a couple of reasons why I am happy at the moment.

  1. My blog has reached 10 000 views!  Like who would have thought?  I am simply chaffed knowing that people have taken time to pass through my blog and have a read, two, three or more of my posts.  Whatever the case may be I am grateful.  It means I am definitely reaching a lot of people from all over the world.
  2. I have lost weight.  When I started the journey I just thought oh well, let’s see how it goes but now it has actually happened.  As it stands I have just 500 g to go to reach my 75 kg goal weight.  I had to take some of my work clothes to the tailor to get them adjusted because they don’t fit anymore but I know sooner or later I am going to have to get new clothes.
  3. The other reason I am happy has to do with exercise again.  On Monday morning I ran a nice 11 km and felt so proud of myself.  I have been running everyday this week and the plan is to go for the whole week without taking a rest day, be warned, it’s not for the weak.
  4. I have managed to stay committed to my blog.  It’s not easy to find the time to write when you actually have a life to live.  However, I believe when you really want something you make time for it and that is exactly what I have been doing.
  5. I have made a decision to let go and let God.  Doing so has made me not worry about a lot of personal issues because I know everything is made beautiful in it’s time…

MaKupsy