Day 9: Beauty Has No Skin Tone

I didn’t know the term for it was colourism.  I just remember my mother giving my older sister a very strong lecture after she came home to visit and we could barely recognise her.  She hadn’t been home for over a month and it looked like she had gone from a brown skinned girl straight to “yellow bone”.  That wasn’t the term used back then but you get what I mean right?  Whatever product she was using only worked for her face so the rest of her body was dark and her face as bright as the morning sun.  She tried to defend herself and claim that she wasn’t using anything but my mother knew better.  Thankfully my sister listened and stopped using the product and was back to being chocolate skinned like the rest of the family.

I took this extract from my friend Tina’s blog; www.lifewithdimples.wordpress.com

I went to a lovely wedding a few months ago. I was sitting there enjoying myself when I overheard two ladies talking to each other. “Iiiiii ende akazviwanira kamukadzi kake kakanaka wena, katsvuku tsvuku futi, kaFanta chaiko!” Translation: “Ooo, he has really found himself a beautiful wife! She is light skinned too, just like Fanta!” They went on to discuss how her being light skinned was a relief as the groom was dark and so her genes would make sure the children wouldn’t be as dark as their father. I chuckled to myself and found it quite amusing that black people still actually thought like that. The more I thought about it though, the more I realised that colourism is a real cancer in our society which does not seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, it seems to be getting worse.

Methinks colourism affects almost every black person.  From young to old, men and women; somehow, somewhere the effects of colourism are there.  We have not yet embraced our magic.  There is a message that was drilled into our heads that being black is a sin, being black is dirty, being black is ugly, being black is of no value.  The stereotype message is that white is beautiful.  Think all things black people term as “the best”, believe me there is some whiteness associated with it.  It can be the school you decide your child to attend(so that they can get an accent), the area you decide to stay(because black neighbourhoods have too much noise), the hairstyle you choose to wear(so that your hair is straighter and close to the ideal “good hair”); the list is endless…

I took some time to watch this video and you should too.  You will be amazed at what children have to say about colourism.

I believe we still have a very long way to go where colourism is concerned.  Children are exposed to different messages that come in the form of toys, music, cartoons and other different forms of media that leave them believing that light skin is beauty.  However, as a parent I believe it is mostly my duty to raise a daughter who loves herself just the way she is.  Her complexion should not be used as a measure of her beauty.  I will continue to teach her to love herself loud and proud.  It took me a whole 30 years to finally realise that I didn’t need to conform to most of the standards set out by society and I have been the happiest person ever since! The advantage that my daughter has is that I’m on a mission to promote the magic of being black and she is very much a part of the movement and she doesn’t even know it!

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Photo Credit: @AmmaraBrown (Twitter)

“Beauty has no skin tone.”

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Photo Credit: @NyashaChidavaenziChoga (Facebook)

“Colour is the skin of the world.”

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Photo Credit: @_the_dimpled_one (Twitter)

“The best foundation you can ever wear is healthy glowing skin.”

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MaKupsy

“Black women are made of brown sugar, honey, cocoa and gold.”

What have been your experiences with colourism?  I know this is a very intrusive topic but I know there are a lot of stories to share on this.  I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

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Speak Things Into Existence

Believe me when I tell you that the universe pays attention when you speak.  Many moons ago I wished for a tall, good looking man who dressed up nice and would shower me with flowers; I have a serious weakness for them it’s insane.  I used to tell my colleagues almost everyday how my handsome prince would come for me and guess what, months down the line I was in a relationship with a guy who fit those specifications to a tee.   Like how was that even possible?

I remember this one time I tagged along when my friend when she was going to court.  I was heavily pregnant at the time and when I saw the women standing in line for Child Maintenance issues I said; “One day I will be standing in line too given the drama we are always going through with the father of my child”.  Again I tell you, the universe pays attention, I was in that exact same line 5 years later going through the most.  I spoke this into existence and I don’t even know why I was surprised when it actually happened.

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image from Pinterest

Thankfully, there are some pretty good things that have happened.  The one time I was going through pictures on the internet and wishing for a holiday.  Something about the Christmas holiday makes me feel like travelling.  I had my eyes on Cape Town and told myself it was going to happen and it did!  My sister is the best for making it happen and you should find yourself a sister just like her!

From my experience when it comes to self talk, the more positive things you say to yourself the better your experience outcomes.  When I started my fitness journey I was outspoken; most people didn’t understand how a “big” woman could have so much self love but they were never ready for the extra confidence that would come once I lost the weight.   I used to go for my runs without music just to have a chance to speak to myself and encourage myself throughout the run.  I would tell myself things like:

  • You’ve got this, just one more kilometer to go
  • Wait till you do your weigh in tomorrow and see how much work you have put in
  •  They are not ready for the after run photo I am going to post on Instagram
  • Who would have thought I would ever run 10K
  • The way I am smashing that cellulite on my thighs right now though
  • Girl you are on fire did you hear that pace on the voice over!

You see, all that self talk got me to push myself and my body to the limit.  Imagine if I had been telling myself negative things.  This body would have never come to life, it’s a pity I can’t show it to you, it’s still illegal to walk around naked this part of the world.

I have a whole list of other positive things that I have asked the universe to grant me after I realised she actually pays attention.  No more random negative thoughts because I certainly don’t want to end up in situations I will dearly regret.  Lately I ask for good health, success, financial security, a whole Land Rover Discovery (in red of course), to be the first Nike Woman in Zimbabwe and a rich husband.  Speak things into existence people!!

In whatever you do, be good to yourself.  Speak of all the beautiful things about yourself and those around you and the universe will also respond positively.

What are some of the things you speak into existence?  Have any of them come to life, care to share?

©MaKupsy 2017

This Is Why You Are Not Happy

I used to have a lot of friends but with time we outgrew each other because of different milestones we all went through which is perfectly okay.  Now I think I have probably have four really close friends who I know I can call on whatever time of day and just catch up, vent or talk about how we can grow in all life aspects.  I hardly mention names when I write up my posts because when someone reads my blog they always know when I am writing about them and the same applies today.  Let me tell you about a conversation I once had with a once was good friend of mine.  Let’s call him D.

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Image from Google

The one time we had gone out for coffee and we were catching up on life and all things random.  He asked me what I had planned for the weekend and frankly I had a whole list of things I wanted to do but I didn’t have the means.  I still remember what I told him.  I wanted to go for a long drive till I got to a place with a lake; park there and take in the sunset and calming surroundings.  After that I would probably take a dip because I love me some water and I always have a reason to swim.  That said, K said to me; “You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  I was like dude, are you mad?  How is that even possible you do know that I don’t have a car right?  He simply told me that he knew but that was all the more reason to start working towards buying my own car! Okay, that was a shocker but the shocker made me actually start looking at things differently.

You realise you don’t need to wait on anyone to do this, you can do it on your own.”  

I have a great example of how I made the first change.  I once joined a fitness group on Facebook that has been there for quite a while now.  I was excited to be part of a team that enjoyed fitness as much as I did but the downside was these guys only published posts for their regular members and so my runs and workouts were always pending.  I was gutted and told myself, self, you either have to suck it up and accept that this is how its done in this group or start your own group!  Of course I started my own group, are you mad, why subject myself to such misery?  It was the best decision that I ever made and it made me realise change can be just a click away!

We always have an excuse not to do something.  When you really look at it you are usually the one stopping yourself from achieving the majority of your goals.  Oh it’s too difficult, I don’t have what it takes, maybe if I had this, it’s because I went to this school, only people from certain backgrounds get to have that.  The excuses are plenty!  Listen; you only get to do this life thing once and you better make the most of it!  I used to be this person; always with a list of excuses but after the talk with D I grew up instantly.  If you don’t have a car then by all means take public transport to wherever you want to go, if you don’t have money to go to the gym then workout from home, if you are passionate about music but you are not part of a band then start your own band.  Stop waiting for a saviour and save yourself already.  Actually, you read this everyday on social media but you just won’t do anything about it but here I am trying to convince you.  Why am i even wasting my time?  As and when you are ready you will make that change.

I still don’t have a car by the way but I have set a target for myself and started working towards getting one.  My dream car is the Land Rover Discovery; she’s going to be my baby in this lifetime, one day is one day!  For now my first car will be a little fuel saver that takes me all over the country on a budget.  That way I will get to travel more and get to take a tonne of pictures, create memories and live my best life now.  I am still living my life like it’s golden by the way, pedestrian life and all but once I get my car it will be on level 47646727 so you guys should just watch this space!

Now let’s get talking, what is stopping you from living your best life now?  Do you want to die and not have lived as many happy moments as possible?  You know you can die today, right here and right now?  Would people say you were a bubbly soul who did everything in their power to spread happiness or you just lived each day unhappy and ready to stab yourself with a spoon out of sheer boredom?

 

©MaKupsy 2017

The Power of Social Media

It’s a beautiful feeling to know that I have a positive impact on people that I have never even met.  The other day I received a message which actually brought me to tears and I felt I had to share it with you.  It reads:

Having been a terrace member(members who don’t participate in the group) of several fitness groups with so much enthusiasm and at the start of it, a week or two after joining, I feel tired, drained and overwhelmed by the number of messages blowing up my phone. I mute the group because I cannot deal with the endless notifications, I’m high key irritated.

Months down the line, I have removed myself from the group having benefited nothing from it.

Having gone through so many fitness groups I became skeptical to join yet another fitness group and so it took a while for me to make a decision.

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It was during my decision making when it dawned on me that, I had been joining groups for the wrong reasons. Yes groups are there to push and motivate you but I lacked that within myself. I had not even an ounce of self drive or motivation to actually get myself out of bed and work out. I was looking for it in other people from those different groups. I ALWAYS had one excuse after the other. I didn’t really eat enough nor did I care about what I ate, as long as I stomached a meal at the end of the day. I ate one meal a day(throughout 2016) which was dinner simply because I had told myself that I did not have enough time to eat both breakfast and lunch.

Now how the hell did I expect to workout with such a diet? After months of body shaming myself and feeling out of control, I messaged Fitness Bae on Twitter in October 2016 out of desperation. I wrote down what she had said and turned into 2017 fitness goals. I realized that there was a lot of changes that had to be done. The first step was to apologize to my body for that is where the healing begins.

A few days into the new year, I got in touch with FitnessBae again, this time asking her to add me to the WhatsApp Fitness group. I was nervous because I had seen how obsessed she was with fitness while I was beyond unfit.

And so I joined the group “#RunWithFitnessBae”. Let me start by saying what a warm and welcoming group it is. Of the many groups I had been in, none of them where as warm and friendly(You would just join and only 2 or three members would welcome you). That for me was already a plus.

The group has an exciting twist to it and is not limited to fitness. What brought me to write this is how I have significantly benefited from the group in more ways than I imagined. Although most of the benefits are small they will go a long way.

I joined during the skipping challenge and my first skipping session was horrible, I could barely make it to 5 jumps. If I tell you now that I listen to the rope so much that I can skip on one foot from time to time you wouldn’t believe me. A week after joining I fell ill and was bed ridden for a whole week and a half. It felt bad and I was angry and moody. I was just there in the terraces doing nothing. My comeback was with the Old Mutual Run where I signed up for 5km bear in mind my longest distance was 1.5km

Then came the DT challenge, which ranged between 4km and 10km. I was nervous and told myself I would terrace on this one. But there’s something about the group that pushes you out of the terraces. People will post their workouts including their pace,elevation and total time (something I never cared about, but now, I look at all of those details) I found myself dressing up and going for the challenge each day. My body was in pain! I had never pushed myself so much in one week.

Im grateful for being part of the team. Even though my pace (which ranges between 08 and 09) and skips per minute are far behind, I’m at a happy place. When the team posts their workouts and I don’t post the level of guilt makes it hard to swallow sadza that night. And it’s because of this group that I found out that when I don’t workout I feel very cranky and moody. Once I get to workout, my mood changes. Not only do I workout, I eat healthy meals and portions too.

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I am still working on a few other things to catch up with the likes of Fitness Guru, Amy and DT😂 I have a long way to go but my motivation has significantly improved. I hope and pray that none of it is taken away from me by laziness, procrastination and all sorts of other distractions. It has taken so many falls,tears for me to get here, maintain and actually be happy. This is who and where I want to be for as long as I can.

Thank you again to the Team and these two quotes are what have been keeping me going;

  1. “Don’t listen to the pains, keep going”
  2. “Food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety drug and exercise is the most potent yet underutilized anti-depressant. Choose wisely”

You can find Leenah on Twitter she is such a happy soul and she has no idea how her message brought warmth to my heart.  Nothing brings me joy as much as knowing that my fitness craze has had people get up and do something about their health and wellness.  I live, breathe and sleep fitness and stories like this make me want to outdo myself each and everyday.  I am one person you can send a message to where fitness related issues are concerned and I will get right back at you because this is the stuff that fires my soul!

Thank you for the beautiful message Leenah and may you continue on your fitness journey with a positive attitude.

MaKupsy 2017©

 

Zumba Mash Up Aftermath

I bet you were never ready for two bloggers writing at once!  This is all about last Saturday and I get to share our experience with my fellow blogger/friend/lover of things Chenge.

Chenge

First of all it is a great thing for you to be selfish and take some time to do what you love. I recently joined the corporate world and underestimated how demanding it can get; especially when you actually enjoy your job. I have found myself getting so consumed to a point where I start neglecting myself.  Funny thing is Saturday morning I had excuses ready…“I’ve had a long week, I’m tired” but I didn’t stop to think that I never do anything for myself. So I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the Village. That was one of the best decisions I made that morning because I got to be a part of a Zumba class for the first time in my life!  I was even happier to be with my good friend MaKupsy. Thank to blogging, Twitter and our love of the finer things we have an amazing relationship.

 

MaKupsy

I was up by 6am and I could not contain keep calm!!  Saturday was here and it was finally time for the Zumba Mash Up event.  I saw it on Facebook a few weeks ago and I promised myself that I would attend the event come rain or shine.  By exactly 9:10am we arrived by Sam Levy’s and there was already a crowd doing Zumba routines.  I was in heaven!  You have no idea how much I love to exercise, I live, breathe and think exercise and what made it all the more exciting was that it was one of my favourite workout routines.  I was surprised when Chenge sent a message telling me that she was on her way, the night before she had said she wouldn’t make it.  I had to keep my phone in hand because I was waiting for Chenge to show up.  She arrived a little later but it was still in time for a lot of fun and selfies, we never get tired of selfies.

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Chenge

I got a few take-aways from the day and they are as follows :

Crave the Lifestyle

We actually got a free day pass to Pro-Fitness Gym. Yet another first for me, I had never been in a gym in my life. For the why? I consider myself fit, broke and quite frankly, I do not have the time & luxury to be in a gym, but I realized that we disqualify ourselves from certain things because of a “This isn’t for me” kinda mentality.  However, it dawned on me that, if not for me then who? If not now, then when? We all deserve nice things in life but we have to go out there and get them! Life is for the taking. Funny enough their weekly fee and ‘walk in’ fee are quite affordable if you really think about it.  Their prices reminded me that, there really isn’t anything stopping me from living my best life, I hope nothing is stopping you.

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MaKupsy

I wanted to try every single machine in the gym!  My heart was willing but my body was saying otherwise.  We had done a whole one hour of Zumba so burning 450 calories in one go was a sure way to take my energy away.  We still tried out a few machines all the same.  First stop was the treadmill for some warm up.  I was on the treadmill for about 15 minutes.  We didn’t have anyone directing us on how to use the machines so it was a whole guessing game.  Next stop was the bike which was painful my legs were not ready for that experience.  Then the gruesome part came, THE STAIRS!  I don’t know what that machine is called but we did 30 minutes of it and I don’t plan on doing it again, we were on it for about 15 minutes but we looked like someone poured buckets of water on us.  It was intense!  This was my second gym experience this year and I gave them all the marks.  The place is beautiful, the reception area is done up very professionally BUT they don’t have a swimming pool and we all know how much I love to swim!

Chenge

Life is Exciting 

The highlight of my day was definitely the sauna experience in the gym. First of all, I only know sauna’s from movies. I had never in a million years ever envisioned myself sitting on a towel, in a sauna, sweating my life out lol! Thanks to MaKupsy for just being that friend. If I was by myself I probably would have just taken a shower after my workout and been on my way home. See this is the kind of peer pressure I need in my life, pressure to live that upper life. 2017 is your babe, run with it!

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MaKupsy

After nearly an hour of experimenting with different machines we did some stretching to cool down.  I didn’t want Chenge to wake up with sore muscles.  We then hit the sauna and steamer.  Chenge didn’t want to come through but I insisted she try it out and told her she would love every minute of it and she did.  Fitness Hunk was tired of waiting for us but oh well; you know what happens when two women are left to their own devices.  We got time to catch up and make plans for productive things we can do together in the near future.  Chenge is a choreographer among other things and I am all about fitness so you can only imagine the pandemonium we are going to bring to Harare, are you guys ready for it??  I love spending time with her though we always part ways having learnt new things from each other.  I love that we don’t have time for gossip, it’s all about how we can make our Creative talents grow.

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Chenge

Spend Time With People That Lift Your Spirit 

Alone time is important but sometimes we don’t have the luxury of choosing the people we would actually want to spend time thanks to adulating…work, school, projects, hobbies and everything else in-between. Your life can get so overwhelming and you shouldn’t have to go through such moments alone. I am passing my friend all the sando’s right now because she deserves them. She really brings a certain level of fun, chill and calm to my life, Mercy you are an amazing friend. Plus I made a new friend *smiles* his name is Fitness Hunk, and yes he is fit, yes he is a hunk LOL.  I’m not usually open to meeting new people because it is a lot of work, but I enjoyed this experience because Fitness Hunk is a reflection of MaKupsy, open to new ideas, fit, funny and great company. (plus he buys lunch)

Fun fact about MaKupsy & I, we share the same birthday and we went to the same High School, what are the odds??!!

If I can wrap up my January in a day, it would definitely be the 28th; it’s not how we start, rather how we finish, right?

MaKupsy

Do I feel bad for diving into a whole burger, chips and a salad after spending the whole morning working out?? Heck no!  I burnt over 1 000 calories and I was shaking from hunger.  Is that the ideal thing to do for a person who is supposed to be health conscious?  Of course not!! You only live once people PLUS the event came with a 50% discount from three eat out places there was no way I was going to let this miss me.  Chenge and Fitness Hunk had a hard time deciding what to have for lunch but I quickly made up my mind.  We got our food soon and munched away and told ourselves this was something we should start doing more often.  Hook up at least once a month, spend at the gym, grab a healthy bite this time around, watch a movie and the day is gone and we have all had some good old clean fun.  Watch this space next month.

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I remember the first time we followed each other on Twitter, I was like we share the same birthday oh my word oh my word!  Then when I rejoined Facebook I realised that we went to the same High School, like how cool is that.  The best part is that we are both bloggers and I initially got to know about her through her blog; I remember reading through some of her articles thinking to myself, she’s cool, I’m cool, we should definitely be cool together.

 

We all had a beautiful day and even though we were too full to actually then proceed to go and watch a movie we decided we would meet up again soon before the tickets expired.  We love things yes but we don’t love things that much!

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“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”– Howard Washington Thurman

MaKupsy© 2017

Life As A Single Mother In Zimbabwe

Being a woman, Being a black woman, Being a black woman in Zimbabawe – MaKupsy 2017

Good morning my darlings, this is a post from last year that I feel needs to be read by anyone who missed it.  Below, a Zimbabwean woman shared her story.

From the onset please note that this is an account of my experiences and does not in any way speak for all single mothers in Zimbabwe. I had my first baby at 16. I was still in school. I got pregnant again at 18 while I was doing my final year of High School “A level”.  Don’t ask how…It’s a story for another day.

Life at School Amazingly I never faced any judgement or shaming.  Maybe it was because I had left the school by the time I started showing.   I started showing very late during the pregnancy and by then had been moved to a school closer to home. But even in the new school everyone was amazingly okay with it and I even went on to do my A Level with no hassle. So being in school as a single mum was not so bad.

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Life in Church My family church is Anglican. They were not as accommodating; and for church people, looking back, I feel they were too judgemental. Since I was no longer a virgin, I did not qualify for Saint Agnes Guild nor did I qualify for Mothers’ Union because firstly I was too young, and secondly I was unmarried. But as I grew older, I still could not be part of the Mother’s Union because I was unmarried. Even getting my kids baptised was a hassle. They told me they can’t baptise kids whose fathers are “unknown”. You see, my baby daddies have never seen their kids hence I don’t include their names on the kids’ documentation. They are not even on the birth certificates. My kids finally got baptised at age 12 and 9 after one church elder, a woman; made so much noise about it and threatened to take the issue further up to the Bishop. But over ally, the church never accepted me after my teenage pregnancies. I have since stopped going to Anglican.

Life at home From the onset let me say God blessed me with two amazing parents who took my kids in and looked after them as if they were their own. But it was a different case for my mother and me.  She never quite forgave me for the shame I brought on her by getting pregnant twice. I did the unforgivable in her eyes! Life at home was bed of nails. I became the proverbial slut. After all, according to my mother; the reason none of the guys married me was most probably because I was a slut. It had to be my fault.  It never occurred to her that maybe it was just them who failed to man up.  As a result anything that went wrong in the home was my fault. If she needed someone to lash out at, that was me.  My own sister was warned to keep her husband away from me lest I try and snatch him from her. At the worst of times I was accused of sleeping with my father. You see, he is a very forgiving man who will not continuously punch you for one transgression. He believes in moving on. My mother never understood why he never chased me away from home as is expected by society.  She never understood why he still enjoyed spending time with me watching soccer, generally spending father daughter quality time puzzled her after all the shame I had caused. She never accepted that he would continue to treat me the same way he treated my siblings despite all I had done to the family name.  As a result she felt my father was looking at me as a ‘woman’ not as his daughter and because I was loose, I was hell bent on sleeping with her man too. The day she made her feelings known was the first time I moved out of home with my children. For the record, my father never acted inappropriately towards me ever.   After moving out, she was on my case to comeback since the same society was judging her about my leaving home. I went back, I was still in Varsity. But the emotional and verbal torture would only get worse as I got older. I would always be reminded of how much of an inconvenience I was to my family.   The upside of all this you may ask?  It pushed me to work very hard and make a life for my kids and me. Though my older daughter is currently undergoing therapy to undo the damage caused by hearing and witnessing everything I suffered in my own mother’s house. The list is endless, I could write a whole book about my experience at home as a single mother. It was pure hell on earth.

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Life among society in general I am grateful for my few true friends. They’ve kept me sane throughout the years.  As for dating, it was hard to find a man who would take me seriously. The moment they hear single mother, they think you are easy, just to be taken for a ride and have no feelings whatsoever.  They are mostly married men by the way.  As for the single guys; they would not touch me with a ten foot pole!  Extended family would throw a fit if their husbands came anywhere near me.  My sister didn’t like the idea of her husband and me getting close. Then there were those who would label me without even knowing me. I was accepted by only a few members of society Fast forward to today >>> I currently live in South Africa with my daughters. I feel at home because no one ever judged me on the basis of being a single mother. I am currently engaged to a single guy who has no kids. Imagine that! Who would have thought my story would have a happy ending?  I have finally found a place were no snide remarks will be made after I’m asked “So where is your husband”? And I say I don’t have one with confidence and no need to explain my circumstances. I can truly comfortably be me!

Conclusion Zimbabwe is still a long way from being a good place for single mothers. We get called all sorts of names and M1 (Mother Of One) has to be the worst term ever to come up with. I wish our society could progress beyond all that judgment and realize that just because someone is a mother, has children and not married it does not make her any less of a woman.

I would like to say a big thank you to the beautiful woman who shared this story with me. This story reminds me that us single parents should not despair, there is hope for a beautiful future ahead.

MaKupsy© 2017

Valentine’s Day Loading…

Would you understand if Bae tells you he is broke on Valentine’s? But will make it up to you? @tatenda_abel

Are you insane?  It’s Valentine’s day, how can you not have been saving for this big day?  What are my friends going to think?  Where will I even hide myself?  I am going to be so embarrassed.  Can the earth swallow me already???!! – This would have been my reaction 10 years ago when I didn’t know any better.

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Image from Google

If I am completely honest with myself the reason I like Valentine’s Day is the gifts that come with it. I have no idea what Valentine’s Day really is, all I know is that it’s some day that has been commercialised over the years and puts most women and men under unnecessary pressure.  These are my two cents on the question that was posed on Twitter yesterday.

I would not be upset with Bae if he didn’t get me anything on the day.  I would be disappointed if he didn’t get me a bouquet of roses though, now that is unforgivable!  I think a gift given on any day still gives you that warm mushy feeling so whether he gets the gift or not will not be a train smash for me.  It’s just like any other day for me but because I always look for a reason to spoil myself I will get myself a gift.  This year I think I will get myself the red dress I have had my eye on since the beginning of the year, anything to put a smile on my face.

Over the years I have learnt the art of gifting myself.  On my birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day or any other day I have the means to do so I get myself something.  I realised that it is not anyone else’s duty to buy me presents; if anything if they do so it will be a bonus.  I had a year I didn’t receive any gift sometime back and I was gutted.  (Where is the joy in singledom?). In my head I thought my friends and family have forgotten me and I threw a pity party.   It was only then that I realised why wait for the next person to do something for me when I can do so myself?  Life is way too short to be moping over petty issues.

I am not saying this is the case for everyone but… I think for some women if they don’t get a gift on this day they get really upset because perhaps their Bae does not get them a gift any other time during the year so if they miss this chance then that’s it!  Yes, there are guys like that, believe it or not.  I don’t know why and how some men think it’s not okay to pamper their woman and vice versa.

The other reason is competition.  Some women just loooove show and tell.  See what my Bae got me, see what Bae did for me.  You men are in trouble I tell you.  Women out here trying to outdo each other.  Makes you wonder if it’s really about the gifts or a reason to show off to friends.

BUT if I get a gift you will hear about it, if I don’t you will still hear about it.  I have no chill like that.  LOL

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Image from Google

I asked two people their thoughts on Valentine’s Day.  No prize for guessing which comment was from a man or woman.

Opinion 1

It has been turned into a money making day instead of celebrating love.   However, my problem with the Valentines Day is that why wait for 14 February to do something nice for my person when I have 365 days to do so.  I also feel many women will be expecting something on the day even if you do something for her on the 10th or 12th she still wants something on the 14th like its the only day that is important for me to express my love for her.

Opinion 2

It’s just an overrated silly day…though l expect a gift on that day LOL.  I don’t care which year it is I must always get a gift.

There you have it dear readers.  I would like to hear your thoughts on Valentine’s Day.  I have heard of stories where a woman has actually ended a relationship because she didn’t get a gift.  Do you have any stories to share as well.  Let’s get talking, this sounds like it will be an interesting discussion, I am already excited!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Refuse To Settle For Less!

PRIORITY : a thing that is regarded as more important than others.

I am one of those people who believes in planning almost everything.  From what I am going to do from the moment I wake up, what form of exercise I will do that day, what I am going to wear, what I am going to eat, what I will do for my lunch break…generally how everything must go.  I would like to believe it’s the same for everyone else because you can’t tell me you just go through your day without a plan on what you will do with your day.  Okay, not everyone then but most people have a to do list, right?

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where do you find yourself on someone’s to do list?

Where is the problem exactly then, seeing that most people have to do lists that they work on day in and out?  My problem is when people around me choose to make me number 50 on their to do list and expect me to jump at the drop of a hat when they feel it’s time for me to show up. (Fortunately for me I don’t take that nonsense lightly). We all make time for the things we love or things that are important to us.  Here’s a good example; there is no way someone will call you to make a date at 8 pm and expect you to think that makes you special in any way.  Someone who really wants to see you will tell you when the day starts not at some ungodly hour.

Know your worth and if you realise that someone is taking you for granted and not treating you the way you should be then I say to you DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS.  I know it all too well, I have been through this and I do not want to see anyone else going through it. Too many times we hope and wish that someone will one day see the light and put us first on their to do list.  I wouldn’t wait to see how that ends because it always ends with you going further down their list of priorities.  Be selfish with your time.  This life is too short to be fighting for someones attention when you can be putting your time and effort into other productive things…like shopping and working on how you can get a better and mind blowing orgasm by yourself. It’s all about self love.

The long and the short of it learn to discern where you are wanted and where you are simply getting your time wasted. The moment you have to beg, plead, negotiate for someone’s love, time or affection is the moment you leave because you deserve nothing but the best!

©MaKupsy 2016

I Love My Natural Hair

Hello my lovings, I hope you had fun-filled weekend.  On Saturday  I attended a Garden Party by Maestro.  It was hosted by Hanani Dube who is the creator of FroSister hair products.  The event was a success and it was very intimate as we got to discuss different issues surrounding natural hair.  You never stop learning, just when you think you now know almost everything about natural hair something else makes you realise you are near but yet so far on your hair journey.  These were the top tips I got from this event:

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with Blogger @Pineapple_ZW (Twitter)

  • Hair growth has three phases which are the anagen, catagen, and telogen phases. Each strand of hair on the human body is at its own stage of development. Once the cycle is complete, it restarts and a new strand of hair begins to form.
  • Massaging your scalp helps with hair growth, blood circulation and opening your pores.  It’s important that you take enough time massaging your scalp, 5 minutes or more will do the trick depending on how much time you have.
  • I asked about wash day for my daughter and I was told to wash her hair in stages. For example; undo her hair today, shampoo tomorrow and then braid it the next day.  That way she doesn’t get irritable and unhappy about the process.
  • You can co-wash (conditioner only wash) your hair in-between shampoo days.  This means say you Shampoo and condition your hair on a Monday and Wednesday but you have an event on the Saturday.  At this point it’s okay to do a co-wash because your hair is not very dirty.
  • A woman should have a signature look.  Choose at least two hairstyles that work for you and don’t give you a headache when its time to get your hair done.
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FroSister Garden Party; Hanani is the one with the beautiful Afro 🙂

That said, for those who missed the blog post on the reason why I decided to go natural you can read all about it below.

It was round about the time I had finished my A level examinations; with all the time on my hands I ended up experimenting with my hair. I remember the fit my mother threw when she found out I had went and got my hair texturised with Dark n Lovely.  She was not amused one single bit, she always told me that my hair was beautiful just the way it was but you know how most of us always think mothers just want us to feel better about ourselves because they have no choice, we are their children so it’s their job type of feeling? I kept my hair in texturised state for a couple of years.  At some point my hair started falling out at the back but I soldiered on because there was no way my mother was going to win the natural hair is better than texturised hair debate.  I went on to colour it to some wild orange colour.  Orange, really, of all the colours in the rainbow I chose orange!  I didn’t keep that colour for long until I decided to just chop off my hair and start again.  This time around I was determined to keep it in its natural state for as long as I could.  That didn’t go too well either because after just a few months of plaiting it I as back on that texturised tip. The thing is, I really wanted my hair to grow super long so I was impatient and in my head I thought that texturising it would speed up the growth.  It was clearly not working for me because once my hair grew to about 15 cms it simply stopped growing!!  I was beyond frustrated.  I got all the hairdos you can think of, from braids to weave ons.  I think weave ons just did more harm than good to my hair.  Fast forward to around August 2014 my hairline was receding and I was sure my hairline was starting from behind my ears. ((Laugh Out Loud!!!))  I had to either suck it in or continue stressing out my hair which was clearly not improving over the years. I kept thinking “oh my gosh, I am going to look like a guy if cut my hair”, then I changed my mind and said actually screw people and what they think, this is what I want and I am going to go ahead and do it.

So I woke up one morning and decided to chop it all off!  Yes, I took that big leap and knew my friends and colleagues were going to have a field day with me because the way I loved to be up to date with hairdos and all they were definitely going to wonder what had come over me.  I have a round face by the way and chubby cheeks, pair that up with short hair it was a definite shocker for everyone who knows me! I don’t regret the chop, I have been liberated in more ways than one especially on my monthly expenses.  I used to spend about $60 each month on hair alone and it is now down to $10.  Imagine the things I can do with the extra $50; more money to splurge on simple pleasures.  The amount of time I now spend at the saloon takes the cup any day.  In 30 minutes flat my look is done unlike before where I had to spend most of my Saturday stuck in one place without having time for anything else after it was all done up.  The one thing that used to dread about weave ons was the fact that after my jog or workouts I would be all sweaty and there was  no way of washing out the sweat, I had to wait for my next hair appointment to get my hair washed, which was usually after 4 whole weeks!  Thankfully that is a thing of the past now and I can wash my hair as and when I want to with no fuss at all.  The other thing I am thoroughly enjoying about my short hair is that I can swim as and when I want to and most of all with the rainy season you won’t see me running for dear life when it starts raining because I won’t be worrying about my hairstyle and how much I had to spend on it.

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Short hair stays winning 🙂

My confidence levels have gone crazy because now I own my look.  I love my hair, I am buying it all sorts of fancy shampoos, conditioners and moisturisers because it’s now easier for me to maintain. Before I had to hide a few flaws behind big hair but now what you see is what you get, it is 100% me.  Will I get plaited again?  I doubt it will be anytime soon, I am enjoying the freedom plus I have come across so many haircuts that I want to try out so no, it’s all natural for a while…And yes, my mother was right, natural hair looks beautiful on me, mothers are never wrong after all.

Have you ever gone all out and cut your hair?  What was the reaction from those around you? Will you do it again? If you have never done so or have second thoughts on doing it, what are the reasons?  I would love to hear from you.

Fro Sister Products are now available in Harare, Zimbabwe! FroSister natural hair products are now available in Harare. Please contact our distributors for all your hair needs on 077 176 8408.

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©MaKupsy 2016

Diary Of A Woman Who Learnt To Love Herself More

I created a WhatsApp group that I named #RunWithFitnessBae In this group we talk about different issues that are health and fitness related.  The other day we spoke about body shaming and one of the participants in the group shared her story which I feel a lot of people will relate to.  Have a read and share with anyone you think might benefit from this inspirational story.

Not so many years ago I weighed a whopping 120kgs and I wore size 44-46.  To be honest I was comfortable with my weight. My closest relatives actually commented at how “healthy” and “well kept” I was and I actually thought being that fat was a sign to the world I was fine and dandy.  I would eat any and everything and I would sit on the couch and eat a whole chocolate slab, packet of crisps and gulp down and entire bottle of red wine while I watched TV or read a book.  Exercise was something I would watch on TV and something I never got actively involved in.  I knew the benefits of exercise but remember me being fat was a sign of “wealth” so I was ok right? WRONG!

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Real women have nothing to do with size. Real women have RESPECT for one another. -Abbyclaire Herman

I got a rude awakening from my unhealthy eating ways when I found out that the man of my dreams had gone on to marry someone else on the exact same day he was meant to pay lobola for me.  I found out he had been dating my “skinny” friend and it had been happening for a while and I had never suspected it, the betrayal and the heartache were beyond comprehension!!  This whole time I was being a couch potato the man of my dreams was making other plans that didn’t involve me, life changing plans for that matter!  I decided to seek advice from the people who knew us and the people who were close to us and I was shocked and disgusted by the responses I got. Let me tell you the five top responses that made me hate my body and feel disgusted by who I was and who I had become;

  1. Aigodii nekufuta kwawakaita?” (What was he supposed to do with the way you are so fat?)
  2. “Honey, the way you are looking like a 40 year old and yet you are only 25years old is unbecoming”
  3. “I am so sorry but what did you expect look at your friend she is skinny, beautiful and fit and she is light skinned.”
  4. “I am so sorry about what you are going through but I think you are to blame I mean you are fatter than his own mother, he went to what was attractive.”
  5. “You need to lose weight. If you were skinny like his now wife I am sure he wouldn’t have strayed but her body compared to yours there was no chance you would keep him, hauna kana shape.  (You are shapeless)
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at 120kgs

Those were the harshest and most cruel things anyone had ever told me and what made it worse was the realization that in their heart of hearts all these people had thought this but never said anything about it.  I probably would have taken offence if they had but real friends would have said something about my sky rocketing weight.  Those words coupled with heartbreak drove to a state of self-disgust and I hated my body and food.  I blamed those two things for letting me not see that my man was losing interest in me and making plans to be with someone else.

I wished I could exchange bodies it seemed all the women I saw were slimmer and prettier.  Suicidal thoughtsyes I got them because to me there was nothing worse that the world seeing you as fat and ugly.  Couple that with everyone knowing that the man thought was for keeps had left you for a “slimmer” and “prettier” woman.  Thankfully, I couldn’t get myself to follow through my suicidal thoughts because I had two little angels who looked up to me and I couldn’t imagine leaving them.  Instead I decided to diet and lose weight but when I started my weight loss journey my reason was to win my man back, I wanted to be pretty for him and I thought he would love me again if I was “slim and pretty like her” and we would get back together and get married and our fairy tale life would continue as we had both imagined it.

And so my weight-loss journey began.  I gave myself a couple of weight loss rules that I was certain would work.

  • Eat as little I you can
  • Exercise for 8 hours a day
  • I have to match “her” weight or maybe lose a few more kilograms then I will be “pretty”
  • I will have to do all this within 90 days

I would eat practically nothing the whole day.  On an average day I would have 2 slices of brown bread and a lot of water the WHOLE DAY.  I would go to the gym from 5am to 9am and again from 5pm to 9pm and I would push myself harder and further each day till I go to a point where all I would eat in a day would be chewing gum when I felt hungry and water.

The weight dropped.  Within 3 months I had lost close to 70 kilograms but unfortunately I had also developed ulcers, acid re-flux and insomnia to name but a few.  My skin changed colour and even my hair grew thin and just when I thought people would compliment me they started saying I was sick and maybe I had HIV.  I clearly was not doing something right because even after all these efforts my man has still not come back to me.  I decided to lose more weight pushed myself to lose more. I think I had gotten to point of being anorexic because eating any food was no longer a part of my life.

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at 50kgs

An angle of mercy came to my rescue.  She had seen my transformation and had heard me break down in my room so many times so she sat me down and offered a few pointers.  I remember her advice like she told it to me just yesterday.

No matter how much weight I lost I would never feel beautiful unless I was beautiful to myself first.  Beauty comes from within and with me and then radiates on the outside for everyone to see.  Beauty did not have to be physical alone but both inside and out.

This got me thinking…

Yes I loved my ex boyfriend but for the right love to find me I had to love me first before anyone else could love me.  I had to be my first love and just because we did not work out it does not mean there isn’t a prince waiting for me out there.

 Weight loss and health work hand in hand. I had to take care of my body for it to take care of me. I had to lose weight in a healthy manner so as to avoid skin and stomach issues that I had developed as well as to curb the insomnia (the insomnia had got so bad I couldn’t concentrate at work and I got fired).

Being healthy and being mentally stable work hand in hand, if I am mentally stable I am able to deal with issues that come my way better.

My world and my actions should not be swayed or centered around what people will say about me or about my circumstances but it should be centered about what I feel is right and what I know I should do.

I had to find a way of dealing with my pains, ups and down besides turning to food or to the gym and I chose to keep a journal. That way I could separate issues and still eat healthy and love myself.

After the talk it took me a while to start eating again and to go to the gym.  I now work exercise for a maximum of 2 hours a day and I feed myself with positive affirmations each day.  I got over my ex boyfriend and I moved on. I became my first love and I taught myself to be able to separate issues and deal with them in a healthy and progressive manner. Today I weigh 89kgs (I am definitely not going back to tripledigits on the scale) I am exercising, I have a new job and I LOVE MY BODY SOOOO MUCH. I want to lose weight for me because I want to be healthy and I am doing it in a healthy way this time around.

My new rules of losing weight now are;

  1. Eat a maximum of 5 small meals a day
  2. Watch my portions
  3. Incorporate more vegetables in my meals and less carbs
  4. WATER, WATER and MORE WATER
  5. Run, skip and go to the gym
  6. Prayer and meditation for my soul
  7. Join group of other people that are in the same weightless journey as me for motivation(#RunWithFitnessBae)
  8. When I am not okay I write it down in my journal
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at 89kgs

 

You gain weight gradually and you will certainly lose it gradually.  Weight loss is a journey and not an event.  It takes hard work, determination and perseverance!

 

©MaKupsy 2016