My Thoughts On Abortion

Abortion in Zimbabwe is illegal as provided for under the Termination of Pregnancy Act of 1977 [Chapter 15:10].  The crime of unlawful termination carries a maximum prison sentence of 5 years.”

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Image from Pinterest

Abortion is a sensitive subject because so many issues are at play.  The image above shows you how society can easily influence one’s decision.  The very same influencers will turn back and ask why you chose to keep a baby you couldn’t take care of?  Like who’s side are you on exactly?  Taking care of another human being is taxing, from diapers, formula, clothes, medical care; you really have to be up for it otherwise you might come out of it with stress instead of the happiness you hoped for.

Yesterday someone on Twitter had a poll that asked if men should have a say when it comes to abortion.  I replied him and said that yes a man can voice his opinion but at the end of the day it was the woman’s body that was going to go through all the changes so ultimately the final decision lies with her. I’m a mother, I’ve gone through pregnancy and that ride was not a walk over.  My body and my mental health was never the same again so if anyone chooses not to walk down that path I would never judge them.

I asked a few of my #BlogIndaba friends their thoughts on abortion and this is what they had to share;

Pro Abortion

Blogger 1

The number of babies I’ve seen and I’ve treated in children’s homes, hospitals (one mom gave birth in Harare Hospital and left the baby; upped and left) is depressing. The adoption system is in shambles. I have a couple wanting to adopt. They have the means, they have the desire but one year later we’re still waiting.  I don’t like the idea of abortion, but I have to come to terms with the fact that people have different principles than me.  I’d rather advocate for safe abortions than those backdoor ones because they do happen, and we can’t act like they’re not.  If we can have free contraception, things that cost a bomb in other countries; contraception is expensive elsewhere, surely we can have low-cost abortions. Yes, it has many implications, because it’s terminating a pregnancy. Her hormones are all over the place, and some will grieve. So that’s when you need sensitive people who will counsel before and after abortion. So yeah… that’s me.

Blogger 2

I’m pro-abortion. We all have our reasons for not being able to keep a child. Finances, negligence, a case of rape.  The reasons vary.

Blogger 3

I’m pro-abortion.  Backyard abortions are rampant and it’s only right to lessen it by legalising abortion.

Blogger 4

I think people with issues on this should visit children homes and hear some stories that come with children who were simply dumped and someone else found them and chose to take care of them.  I personally think if you are not ready to fend for a child abortion is a good idea.  Most of us have sex with condoms not really because we scared of diseases but mostly fear of getting pregnant.

In my opinion these are some of the reasons why some women would choose to have an abortion:

  1. Age, maybe you’re too young.  Having a child when you are still in your teens might change your life forever and disrupt your learning life.  However, it has worked out for some.  Maybe you are too old; there are a lot of complications that come with having a child when you’re old and one of them is giving birth to a child with special needs.  When you’re older you have less energy to be up and about now add a child to the mix…
  2. You are not yet financially stable.  Imagine the situation for the majority of Zimbabweans, most people do not have any form of income and adding another mouth to feed to an already existing issue can only spell disaster.
  3. Your partner is not forthcoming and you don’t want to have to deal with dead beat daddy issues so you save yourself the drama.  One day when you are free take a trip to Civil Court and listen to some of the child maintenance cases where men are not taking care of their children.  Some men are offering to pay $20 a month to their ex spouses who they walked out on 3 kids later.
  4. It’s an unplanned pregnancy.  In case you didn’t know contraceptive methods aren’t 100% effective and you could be doing everything right but still fall pregnant.
  5. You simply don’t want a child right now.  Not everyone wants to have children but almost everyone wants to have sex, that’s not a crime AT ALL.
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Ireland Repeals It’s Abortion Ban; 26 May 2018

Anti-Abortion

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I’m anti-abortion.  A friend of mine was forced to abort because the baby had a weak heartbeat and it wouldn’t survive. It was a medical abortion but she did get sick for a while.

I can think of a couple of reasons why I would join the anti-abortion wagon;

  1. It might be the only child you will ever be able to conceive.  If children were a big part of your life plan and that one abortion incident is the reason you can’t have anymore children you will probably be filled with regret for the rest of your life.
  2. In as much as a pregnancy was unplanned what else did you expect to happen if you were actively engaged in unprotected sex?  I’ve heard of incidents where a boyfriend will deny his girlfriend’s pregnancy; last time I checked “You won’t be pouring fanta down her vagina” it’s sperm my friend and unprotected sex comes with consequences.  You must learn to take responsibility for your actions.
  3. The act of abortion might haunt you for the rest of your life especially if it’s in the later stages of pregnancy.
  4. Depending on which type (legal or back door) of abortion you choose to have it might affect your health. Some of the unsafe abortion methods I’ve heard about include bathing in scorching hot water, using a coat hanger or knitting needle, drinking ghastly tasting herbs. Chances of you damaging your internal organs are very likely or the worst case scenario is death; will any of this be worth it in the end?

There are so many layers to abortion, I can’t possibly cover all of them in one blog post.   The one thing I strongly feel our society needs to emphasise on is sex education.  A lot of people from my generation had to hunt and gather information regarding our sexual health through various and not so reliable sources.  We can do better by being honest and open with children where sexual health is concerned.  You can read some of my experiences on the subject; The Birds & The Bees  and My Birth Control Experience.

My final thoughts when it comes to abortion; babies eat money, have them at your own risk!  On a serious note, I’m pro whatever makes you sleep at night, at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with the decision you choose to make.

Friends from Facebook shared their thoughts here.  What are your thoughts on the subject ?

©MaKupsy 2018

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Day 22: Who Are You To Police My Black Hair?

I think people are just jealous of the way black hair is so versatile!  Not just any black hair but a black woman’s hair.  What I love about my hair is that I can do any and everything to it everyday.  One day I have twists, the next day I have a mini afro and who knows maybe the next day I will let it out to flourish and be happy.  The thing with black hair is that it has so many layers to it.  It can be both creative and daring and that makes people unhappy, especially people you work with.    It’s a damn shame for them because I won’t stop being myself, I love every inch of my black hair!

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MaKupsy

That’s me in the photo above; making people very unhappy with my uncombed hair.  Shout out to The Quarter Wife for the beautiful picture.  If you are a black woman I’m sure you are familiar with some of these statements.  Some may call them insults depending on how they take them.

  • Do you need a comb for your hair?
  • When are you getting your hair plaited?
  • That’s a school girl hairstyle, you really have gone broke!
  • Why do you have a maids hairdo?
  • Can I touch your hair?
  • Aren’t you wearing a wig on top of those cornrows?

I’ve been asked a few of those questions above about my hair.  People really try my patience I tell you!  I sometimes wonder they ask just to hear what I have to say.  I would get really worked up the first days but lately I just smile or completely ignore their remarks.  My favourite one is “That’s a school girl hairstyle, you really have gone broke!”.  The reason why I like it is because each time I get cornrows done I shed off a whole 5 years from my age, people start thinking Im in my 20s, what’s not to love?  I’m not even insulted, Im excited, all the more chances of getting hit on by a young hot blooded man.(just kidding!)  

What most people don’t understand is that protective styles are actually good for your hair.  My hairline used to suffer in the past but ever since I attended a couple of Natural Hair Events I now know how to take better care of my hair.  When I think back growing up we used to do each other’s hair during school holidays or on weekends and our go to hairstyle was mabuns (African Threading) not a single person had hairline problems then our hair was intact!

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(African Threading) Photo Credit: Shuvai Murumbi (Facebook)

Show me one woman who doesn’t want an intact hairline and I will show you a liar!  This hairstyle just needs your time, $1 to buy wool and voila you’re good to go.  Tell me one person who doesn’t want to save money the way our economy is currently set up?  Some people will call this a maid’s hairstyle I call it a wise woman’s hairstyle.  If there is one thing all women need to do more it’s to be comfortable in their own skin, even if it means rocking mabuns!

If your hair is nappy they are not happy” – Paul Mooney

If there is one thing you need to do for your hair it’s learn everything you can about it.  We all have different hair types and what works for me will not work for you.  I used to be super obsessed about my hair length but I realised that what matters the most is that I have healthy hair more than anything.  Be kind to your hair, don’t be stressing the heck out of it.  I think hair can actually hear things if you ask me so feed it with love, attention and products that will keep it well hydrated and moisturised.

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Photo Credit: Alice Murewa (Facebook)

My colleagues have since stopped asking about my hair.  Now they just watch and get the shock of their lives.  They realised they can’t steal my joy and they have probably embraced that I’m fearless when it comes to my hair.  I don’t conform to society’s expectations.  If I want my hair natural I will wear it as is, I’m not everyone, I am uniquely me.

To all the black girls who are constantly harassed about the state of their hair, next time anyone tries to insult you tell them to focus on their own hair and leave yours the heck alone! 

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Photo Credit: Thembi

You can read about some of the events and my hair experiences from here:

  1. My Hair Game Is Non-Existent
  2. The Power of A Referral
  3. My Hair Grows Towards Heaven
  4. I Love My Natural Hair

What are some of the worst things people have said or done to your hair?  Are you comfortable walking about with your hair in it’s natural state?  Let’s share your hair stories.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Yoga Classes

Hello my darlings!

I always want to keep you updated on what’s going on in the fitness world in and possibly around Harare.  Take your pens out and jot this down or take a screen shot of this blog post or better yet book mark it for future reference.

My fitness friend Tendai Angela hosts Yoga Classes every week and this is what her calendar looks like:

Monday: 18:45 – 19:45hrs 

(Set intentions of the week, relaxation) at Queen of Hearts. “The art of release and internal balance.”

Wednesday: 16:30 – 17:30hrs

(Mid week check in) at Queen of Hearts. “Nourishing Vinyasa Flow.”

Saturday: 08:30 – 09:30hrs

Franjipani in Mount Pleasant.  “Consciousness in Motion.”

Saturday: 12 – 13:00hrs at Queen of Hearts.  This is a free class for women with endometriosis or any menstrual related issues or pain.  “Self Love Series”

I hope to see you at one of the classes because I will definitely take some time out and let my body do the Yoga!

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Tendai Angela

For more information kindly get in touch with her on this platform.

Fitness Bae®

 

 

Expectations of the Zimbabwean Woman

Sometimes I feel our culture expects too much from a woman.  We are taught to accept certain things as “normal” and not question them.  Take infidelity for example.  The moment a wife finds out her husband is cheating or has a small house trying to confide in his or her relatives can prove to be fruitless because most times she is told that’s what men do.  Today I will touch on relationships in our society.

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Image from Google

 

There are so many different cases of unimaginable things happening around Zimbabwe lately.  One of the articles that I read recently shocked the lights out of me. A woman killed her husband over a text message.  If you read the story at first glance you just tell yourself this woman be crazy!  But when you really think about it; it was probably not about the messages.  I would like to think there is a story behind this story; you just don’t wake up and decide today I am going to kill my husband for no reason.  Chances are her spirit had been broken beyond repair because of issues that hadn’t been dealt with within the marriage and a whole lot of bullshit she had to endure as a woman.  Remember I told you that our culture just tells you to accept things that a man does and go with the flow; now see where that kind of thinking leads to?  A man will cheat, he will beat up his partner, he will have a love child and even bring the child to his matrimonial home, he will leave his family for another woman and what is the woman told?? SHINGA NDOZVAVANOITA VARUME!! (be strong that’s what men do).

I asked a few people whose names will obviously remain anonymous why they chose to stay in abusive relationships even though they could see they were in an unhealthy relationship.

  • They were promised heaven on earth
  • They had low self esteem
  • They enjoyed the attention they got from their partner even though it was the wrong kind of attention
  • They thought he will change and become a better person
  • He promised he would never do it again
  • They stayed because that’s what they knew and were used to
  • Their partner threatened to commit suicide if they decided to leave
  • They stayed because of the children involved in the union
  • They stayed because they worried about what people would think
  • They stayed because they did not want to be alone

I have been in a toxic relationship before and trust me at the time chances are you don’t see that this person is actually abusing you especially if it’s emotional abuse.  Do not even ask me about the process of reporting to the police after an abusive incident, what a joke!  I ended up feeling like I was the one who committed the crime.  Then I tried to go to Musasa Project to try and get some counselling but the queues were long and I waited for half a day on both occasions I tried to go there until I just gave up.  I ended up dealing with the abuse on my own because clearly there was nowhere else to turn to…

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Image from Google

Okay, back to the story at hand.   It’s only after you leave that you realise things could have gone pretty bad if you had decided to soldier on.  I learnt my lesson though, I know that the moment I see any signs of abuse I will walk out and fast I won’t even second guess my decision.  I remember the night my then boyfriend beat the life out of me like it happened yesterday…I stay at a flat with 30 units and even though I screamed and cried for help not a single person came to my rescue.  Do you see another worrisome thing in our society?  Our society does not want people interfering in things that don’t concern them so someone will probably get beaten to death and the neighbours wont say a word or intervene because “it’s none of their business.”

The people who contributed to this post also had a few lessons to share.

  1. He taught me that staying with an abuser is just letting them know it’s okay to get angry and lash out with physical violence they won’t stop.  Your best bet is to leave before something worse happens.
  2. The moment three or four people highlight that your partner is abusive take a step back and look at your relationship from their point of view.  Sometimes outsiders see what you are going through with clear eyes.
  3. People must at least try to intervene when they see a problem.
  4. “Being strong” is not the answer to every problem, people need to sit down and talk about their issues and concerns.

A few weeks ago I noticed that Njabulo wrote a status on Facebook asking why women do not leave abusive relationships.  You can read more from here.

After all is said and done all I can say is we are all human beings and we should always consider how our actions will affect the next person.  Do not go around doing things that will hurt the next person just because you know society will allow you to get away with it.

Have a heart!

©MaKupsy 2017

My Hair Grows Towards Heaven!

The first time ever Hair Meet Up was held last Saturday between 10am and 1pm.  Before I left the house a few minutes before 10am I thought I would be one of the first people to get to the venue, you know how terrible most people are with time.  Surprise surprise there were close to 20 people when I got there.  What time did these women wake up??  Wait, the first 5 people to get to the venue were going to get a free hairdo, now it made sense!  The way my hair was a hot mess I should have left home early as well but there is always next time I guess.

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The venue was beautiful.  Chairs close to the pool in the shade away from the unforgiving sun.  I have never seen so many women with different natural hairstyles in one place.  The event started a few minutes after 10am and the hostesses and guest speakers were lively and got the crowd taking part.

We had an amazing time and I learnt some very valuable lessons from this meet up.  I realised that I have been doing more harm than good to my hair without even realising it.  We have too much information around us and thanks to Google we now search for everything and automatically assume that whatever we find there holds true to our own situations.  Below are a few tips and sayings I found very useful and inspiring:

  1. You need to learn what your hair likes so that you know which products to try. Do not use too many products at once otherwise you will not figure out what is actually working for you or not.
  2. Move around with a bottle of water and spritz water to keep it soft. Sometimes you can try adding some oil. Just a bit of oil, maybe a tablespoon or less.  Zimbabwe is dry; your hair needs WATER more than anything.
  3. You can use eggs and avocados on your hair without having to break a budget on expensive products. Most times home remedies work wonders on your hair.
  4. Tea tree and peppermint oil are good for dandruff.
  5. Remember that hair is different. What works for Chido won’t work for Chipo.
  6. Never comb your hair when it is dry.
  7. Our hair is the only hair that grows towards heaven. God did not make a mistake by making it the way it is.

  8. The moment you undo your hair and there is that stickiness it means you are using too much product in it.
  9. Castor oil and blended red onion is good for your hairline.
  10. Speak affirmations of love to your hair.
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MaKupsy & @Pineapple_ZW (Twitter)

We were sold a dream though, the ticket said that Kudzai Sevenzo would be the special guest appearance but she didn’t come through and there was no mention or explanation of why that did not materialise.

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The hamper I won for Tweeting about the event like a maniac 🙂

Over and above the event was well organised.  A number of women walked away with prizes myself included and it was a day well spent gathering priceless information.  I know for a fact that from now on I will NOT buy any hair product that does not contain Aqua in it.  My hair journey has already begun and months from now I will show you if the tips above helped or not.  I really need to get my hair line back it is currently in ICU!

Do you have any more natural hair tips you would like to share?  If yes please feel free to get in touch so that we can have more information available for natural hair enthusiasts.

©MaKupsy 2016

 

Ways To Make Her Feel All Mushy Inside

I sometimes think that men think that all women want all these fancy dinners, weekend getaways to some exotic destination, expensive gifts and a whole list of straight out of a movie romantic gestures.  What they don’t realise is that even though that sounds very alluring most times women(I speak for myself here) really want realistic and thoughtful gestures that will have them mooning all day long.

Let me give you a list of ideas you can try out and tell me if they work out for you.  Some of them have happened to me and really made my day so take it from me, they work like magic.

  • Send her a bunch of flowers just because it’s a beautiful day.
  • Surprise her by showing up at her doorstep and walking her to work or dropping her off.
  • When you buy call credit for yourself ask yourself when you last sent her any and send her some.
  • Show up at her workplace and just check up on her and give her a big kiss before you leave. (Away from your coworkers of course)
  • Make her a cup of coffee when she is sick and try and spend the day watching over her and making sure she is comfortable.
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Bring her carrot cake to work

  • Open the car door for her.
  • Hold her hand in public.  Now this I haven’t seen in a while, by the way I walk to work so I get to see a lot of couples but lately no hand holding is happening from my part of town.
  • Tell her when her lipstick has smudged.
  • Cook her favourite meal for her.
  • Personally deliver her favourite cake to her office just before her coffee break.

Love is a verb, a doing word… Words don’t always really express how much someone means to you.  Sometimes you have to be creative and think outside the box and within your budget to find a way to make sure you are constantly giving your other half that mushy feeling.

Ladies, are there any other ways you think can add that extra mushiness to your life?  Gentleman, what do you think women should do for you to give you that blush effect, or maybe men are really not about that life?

MaKupsy

 

This Is Who I Am

Just yesterday I was going through Instagram and bumped into a post that gave me inspiration to write.  I haven’t been my normal bloggy self  but thanks to the caption below from Tendai I have more reason to get back to doing one of the many things I love.  By the way, you should totally follow her page she has the most beautiful photos you have ever seen!  Plus she is also part of #TeamFitness and trust me she will inspire you to get up and do something.

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So let’s talk about the caption in the photo.  I completely agree with it.  Story of my life right there!  Growing up I believed in order to be perceived as “beautiful” I had to have long wavy hair, perfect model size body, excel in all things life related and surely then I would be more likable.  Wrong!!

It took me years to finally realise that I don’t have to transform into a completely different person in order to be noticed.  I since stopped trying so hard to be “perfect”.  I now wear my hair short because I can.  Screw whoever thinks otherwise.  I love it, it’s hassle free, easy on my pocket and I look great, if I do say so myself.

I love my body just the way it is.  I have come to accept that I will never be a size 0 and well…it’s okay, I accept that but that doesn’t mean I will stop hoping and wishing I had a thigh gap!  LOL

The other thing that I have come to accept about myself is that I hate housework.  Lawwd!!  I feel like it’s a curse sent from who knows where.  I will do it however because I love a clean space but it doesn’t mean that I love doing it.  As and when I get married my husband has to know that he has a lazy ass wife.  I hope he accepts it because I have accepted it with open arms. (But I promise I am not lazy when it comes to other interesting things – allow your imagination to run wild here.)  On a serious note though, I just think that it’s one of those things women are expected to enjoy because that makes you a “perfect woman”.

That said.  Love yourself just the way you are.  You are perfect in every single way.  No matter your skin colour, your weight, your height, your flavour you are unique and no one can tell you otherwise.

Have a lovely week ahead and stay beautiful both inside and out.

 

MaKupsy

 

 

Friends, Lovers & Exes

Friendship is the best thing that can ever happen to you if you surround yourself with the right people.  I have friends that have been in my life for as long at 15 years.  I can safely say once I decide that someone is my friend then we are pretty much friends for life; ups and downs and the whole experience that comes with it.  Most of my long term friendships are with women and then I have the one male friend who I have been calling my husband (I still don’t remember how this came about) for as long as I can remember even though he technically isn’t my husband.  I have known him for close to 9 years now and we are still as close as ever.  We can blog all about him another day because today is not about that.

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photo credit : http://www.flickr.com

I remember once dating a guy who did not like my friend AT ALL.  He actually told me point blank that he didn’t like her and that he wouldn’t entertain us hanging out together.  Now that was just a tough call especially given that we had been in each others lives forever.  Of course I didn’t listen to his crazy talk, who chooses between a best friend and her man?  You keep them both!  The whole time he was stressing me about my best friend he was still in touch with his ex girlfriend.

Now this issue right there will bring nothing but sleepless nights and headaches.  I know a lot of women have been through this ex girlfriend phase.  I remember a time I actually wanted to pick up the phone and call her and tell her to stop talking to my man and call her all sorts of names!!  Then I thought wait, why should I be calling her?

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Photo Credit: @BabyGrace (Twitter) check out her site on : http://www.moregraca.wordpress.com

The fact that she is in touch with him means that he has given her the go ahead to do so; so what difference will my call make?  Plus, he was dating me so technically I won the man right so why bother with her?  These relationships can really feel like a competition sometimes…Anyways, I realised there and then that us women are quick to trash talk an ex girlfriend to make ourselves feel better instead of actually talking to the person you are in a relationship with.

I get it, people have had relations with other people in the past.  I still have mixed feelings about my partner staying in touch with an old flame for reasons such as:

  • what if they get back together?
  • what if I am just a rebound?
  • what if their sex game was so strong they hook up again and we never have sex again or worst case scenario she gets pregnant or I get some disease in that messed up triangle?
  • what if he realises he loves her more than me?

To be honest, I think staying in touch with your ex especially when you are in a relationship is a sure recipe for disaster.  DO NOT DO IT.  Let sleeping dogs lie…  It’s things like that that bring insecurity in a relationship.  You want to be with someone who shows you that you mean the world to them and no one else matters.  Just stick to mutual friends and if you happen to have friends of the opposite sex then by all means let them meet and get to know each other so that there is transparency in your relationship.

Your thoughts on this issue?  Are you in touch with an ex, do you think your communication will rekindle an old flame?

MaKupsy

The Case Of Mildred Mapingure

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It’s shocking to find out what is happening in our country with regards to rape issues.  I attended a public event yesterday at Book Cafe, Harare and I was left shocked beyond measure.  The Speakers at the event were Professor Geoff Feltoe; Sarudzai Njerere (Legal Practitioner, Honey and Blanckenberg); Sara Moyo (ZWLA Board Chairperson); Jimmy Willford (SAYWHAT).  The moderator was HerZimbabwe, @herzimbabwe on Twitter.  I will share everything as is as I do not want to take anything from the article which was issued out to those who attended; it read:

The Case Of Mildred Mapingure

On 4 April 2006, Mildred Mapingure was attacked and raped by robbers at her home in Chegutu.  She immediately lodged a report with the Chegutu police and requested that she be taken to a doctor to be given medication to prevent pregnancy.  Later that day, the police took her to hospital and a doctor attended to her.  Mildred repeated her request , but the doctor only treated her injured knee.  He said that he could only attend to her request for preventative medication in the presence of a police officer.  He further indicated that the medication had to be administered within 72 hours of the sexual intercourse having occurred.

She duly went to the police station the following day and was advised that the officer who dealt with her case was not available.  She then returned to the hospital, but the doctor insisted that he could only treat her if a police report was made available.  On 7 April 2006, she attended the hospital with another police officer.  At that stage, the doctor informed her that he could not treat her as the prescribed 72 hours had already elapsed.  Eventually, on 5 May 2006, it was confirmed that Mildred was pregnant.

Mildred then went to see the investigating officer who referred her to a public prosecutor.  She indicated that she wanted her pregnancy terminated, but was told wrongly that she had to wait until the rape trial had been completed.  In July 2006, acting on the direction of the police, she returned to the prosecution office and was advised that she required a pregnancy termination order.  The prosecutor in question then consulted a magistrate who stated wrongly that he could not assist because the rape trial had not been completed.  She finally obtained the necessary magisterial certificate on 30 September 2006.  By that stage, the hospital matron assigned to carry out the termination felt that it was no longer safe to carry out the procedure and declined to do so.  Eventually, after the full term of pregnancy, Mildred gave birth to her child on 24 December 2005.

Mildred was obviously badly let down by the system and the system must be overhauled to ensure that this does not happen again.