My 6 Year Old Is Being Bullied

Never in my wildest dreams did I think preschool children bullied each other.  I mean these are supposed to be sweet and innocent little human beings, where could they possibly get a mean streak from?  Turns out I was wrong, very wrong and my daughter told me the most heart breaking thing a few weeks ago.

Me: What are your favourite things in the whole wide world?

Miss Kupsy: Pizza, going to school, princess dresses and exercising with mummy.

Me: Aww sweetheart, isn’t that lovely.

Miss Kupsy: But Alex from school pinches and smacks me sometimes…

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Image from Google

I gave my daughter a warm tight hug and asked her to tell me more about the incidents.  She told me that the boys were twins but only one of them gave her grief.  He apparently drinks her juice, pinches and smacks her and sometimes takes her lunch.  I was gutted!  I have never smacked her at all and here is this little person making school a nightmare for my daughter!!  I instinctively told her that she should fight back (which by the way isn’t even in her nature) but also realised that it would probably make the situation worse for her and that there surely should be another way of handling the situation.  She didn’t want to dwell on the subject any further and asked we change the subject, which we did but I had to do something about it.  I spoke to her teacher who confirmed that the little boy was indeed a problem and they had taken to smacking him whenever any child reported his behaviour and that my daughter is not the only one being picked on, there were plenty more who were victims.  Thankfully schools closed and she won’t have to face him again because she’s off to grade school.

However, I still feel that this isn’t going to end here.  I know this too well, I experienced bullying first hand and it’s not a pleasant space to find yourself in.  The form of bullying I had to deal with was isolation.  School children can be evil little creatures!

You would think bullying would stop by a certain age right?  Unfortunately for me I had more bullying in store for me in my adult life!  This time it was in the form of cyber bullying. Turns out my blog wasn’t “cool enough” to be regarded as a blog.  My writing style didn’t conform to what bloggers from my country were used to and it wasn’t a themed blog as well.  I would sit and read the most hurtful comments and wonder what exactly was wrong with being different?  I wanted and still want my blog to be a reflection of me, I have multiple layers to me, why should I restrict myself to being one set thing? 

I spoke to my close friend about my daughter being bullied and she recommended that I teach her to be bald and fight back.  I think enrolling her in a self defence class of sort will actually be to her advantage.  As women, we aren’t actually taught how to defend ourselves, if anything we are given a whole list of chores we should be able to do by a certain age and absolutely nothing on our own safety!

A male friend suggested speaking to the authorities at school the next time it happens, or better still to confront the parents of whoever gives my daughter grief, that way it would help tackle the situation head on.

According to Google; “Long-term bullying can lead to depression and feelings that you are worthless. Some of these effects can last for a long time, even into adulthood. A person who is bullied may become an adult who finds it hard to trust others, has problems making or keeping friends and lacks in confidence or self-worth.”

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Image from Unsplash

I want the best for my daughter and I don’t ever want her to let one of the things that make her happy be the same thing that brings her sadness.  School is clearly her happy place and I would be more than thankful if you have any ideas or suggestions on how I can help her take care of herself at school in my absence.  I’m welcome to ideas, as long as they don’t involve her becoming a mean little person, she’s a little angel and I would like her to stay that way for as long as possible.

Have you experienced bullying?  How did you tackle the situation?  What makes people bully others?  Please help me understand this madness, I’m losing my mind!

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 11: Top Brands To Look Out For

Being a Zimbabwean is not the easiest things to wake up to every morning.  On Twitter we term it as “an extreme sport!”  Unemployment rate is currently sitting at 95%.  In a normal country things shouldn’t be like this.  We are going through the most; from cash shortages, to roads that are filled with potholes, parents unable to afford to take their children to school, employees not getting paid their monthly salaries, failure to access health care…the list is endless and heartbreaking and not something I would want to dive into on a Monday morning.

Most people have taken to informally employing themselves and for some it is working out well for them.  Today I want to share with you what some young entrepreneurs are doing in Zimbabwe to keep themselves afloat during this very trying time.

Retail Apparel 

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Avo Apparel by Kudakwashe Juta

From a young age I had a keen interest in drawing, I would scribble on desks, walls, chalk boards notebooks.  I wasn’t good with numbers but I would always connect with shapes and understand infographics more than digits.   At age 17 my older brother and I taught ourselves graphic design on a desktop computer that had an 8gig hard drive, it was super slow and we had no tutorials, this was a year before YouTube even existed.  We had to figure out the software through trial and error. I would then develop and design my own brands even through college and fail and start over again and again until I started reading up on professional textiles printing, networking with international screen printers online until I had become a master of the game.  It was then that I realised it could turn into something real that had the power to change the industry.   I started seeing it as a business opportunity.

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At age 26 I quit my job to pursue textiles printing full time but I didn’t have bulk production equipment; so I had to work as a freelance designer for almost two years till I was able to get my first machine through the help of a long time friend called Denis Hozheri.  After  3 failed attempts at starting a retail apparel brand I told myself I would get it right if I kept on trying.   It was then that I came  up with the Avo Apparel brand which I developed for nearly a year doing almost 30 designs only to start with 2. The brand was launched in July 2014 and got great online reception which to me was a sign of potential.   However, I had to put everything on hold for nearly 9months because I didn’t want to do door to door and boot sales, I wanted a shop!  The shop opened for business in February 2015 and by then I only knew the printing side and had to learn the manufacturing side of the business and 4 months after we opened the shop we pretty much controlled almost all of our entire production processes. Besides retail I also do Corporate Wear through my company called “Inklab”, we’ve worked with reputable brands such as Tanganda, DHL, NetOne, Ernst and Young, KPMG, City of Harare, Institute of Chartered Accountants Zimbabwe, African Sun, Telone, and Old Mutual.

Follow us on social media and be part of our journey;

Facebook: @inklabzimbabwe

Instagram: @inklabzim

Twitter – @inklabzim

Make sure you get in touch with Kuda for all things retail apparel. 

 

Hair Accessories

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Hair piece and Earrings by Ndini Fugu $10

Unemployment inspired me to start on this journey!  I used to make my own accessories after I found it hard to find exactly what I was looking for. People started inquiring about where I got them from and if I could make them some customised pieces.  I saw an opportunity to turn my hobby into a profitable business.

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Customised Bag by Ndini Fugu $12 each

I have only recently started a few months back but it has been nothing short of a blessing it couldn’t have gone any better.  People still don’t believe I make the accessories myself, actually they still don’t believe it!  The first question I always asked was “are you really the one who made this?” In order to claim ownership of my products I termed my brand “Ndini”.  My hair accessories range from $1 to $10 so there is definitely something to suit your pocket.  You can get my accessories from ISU collections in Eastlea and I also work per order and deliver if it’s not too far out of town.  You can check out my work on social media from these links:

Instagram: @ndini_byfugu

Facebook: @ndinibyfugu

Ladies if you need something to make your hair pop then she is definitely the person to hook you up!  Gents, surprise your girl with something cute and artsy crafty just because it’s Monday. 

Culinary Services 

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I grew up loving to cook and the BBC Food Channel was my all time favourite and I would spend time swooning on Ainsley Harriots dishes and Nigela Lawson’s sweet treats. I was a Brownie and a Girl Guide and I remember even then it was the cooking competitions that we would always win with me leading my team. After high school I went on to study Culinary Arts and I have been in the industry since then.

The food industry has allowed me to visit diffrent countries and given me the oppourtunity to study in the culinary capital of the world Paris at one of the most renowned culinary schools Le Cordon Bleu. That has allowed me to have an appreciation of international cuisine and which I have since fused with local dishes to create incredible bespoke menus for my clients.

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Mozarella and grilled cherry tomato bruschetta

Food is always good business and economically it’s one business that will always thrive no matter how good or bad the economy is. I would like to see more professional culinary schools opening in Zimbabwe with Internationally recognised Diplomas and Certificates.

I’m on social media and you can find me on:

Twitter: @Dananai_C

Instagram: @chef_dananai

Facebook: @ChefDananai

If you want to have top notch meals for an event or any special occasion, Dananai does bespoke menus after a consultation.

*Bonus Brand To Watch Out For!*
“My Zim Hustle” is an educational campaign about investment on the capital markets. They are trying to increase people’s knowledge about the stock market and other investment opportunities available. If you are looking to having multiple income streams and not just depend on your month to month salary from your job then be sure to be a part of My Zim Hustle. For more information contact them on www.myzimhustle.co.zw

I’m a firm believer that you can do anything that your mind conceives.  Even though there as so many negative things happening in Zimbabwe some positive and productive ventures are taking shape.

What are some of the brands that are making noise in your country?  Perhaps you initiated a programme of sort within your community that has spread like wild fire?  Tell me more about it, I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 7: Lose Yourself In My Top 10 Zimbabwean Songs

Music makes me happy.  It’s my go to place when I need something to evoke different emotions within me.  From getting myself in a good mood, going for my morning run, dancing with my daughter, unwinding after a long day at work…music is art!

I have always been a fan of music but it was mostly international music.  It was only in the early 2000’s that a genre titled “Urban Grooves” emerged that I started paying attention to our local music.  It was advocated that all local radio stations were to play 75% local content by local artists.  What I loved was that most of the artists sang in Shona, bonus!!!  Back then music was soulful, it was rich and high school boys would use that to their advantage and dedicate songs to their potential girlfriends on radio and automatically had almost every high school going child tuned in to listen in case you got a “dedication.” These are the times where song books and auto books were a big hit but that’s a story for another day.  They were still good times indeed!

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Photo Credit EXQ (@exq_papi) Instagram

Enter 2005 a new genre of music appeared on the scenes, ZimDancehall.  Can you believe that nearly 12 years later it’s still going strong and racking in listeners both young and old?  What I love about ZimDancehall is that the artists are telling their story as it is, there is no sugar coating there.  They sing their truth!  However, ZimDancehall is not everyone’s cup of tea and some people criticise it stating that it is shallow.  What some people don’t realise is that it is the day to day reality of a group of people whose existence we don’t like to acknowledge but form a large part of our culture (our real CULTURE not our traditional).  The fact that we keep shunning issues that are on the ground is probably part of the reason why some people are failing to be themselves.

Please be friends with YouTube to get to watch the videos or listen to the audios.  Below is a list of my top 10 favourite tracks in no particular order; straight out of the heart of Zimbabwe, please note that the genres vary.

  1. Nhema: ExQ and Killer T
  2. Ndipe Rudo: Sani Makhalima
  3. Penge Penge: Tytan
  4. Million Reasons: Prayersoul
  5. 25: Winky D
  6. Pain Killer: Stunner
  7. Alleluya: Roki and ExQ
  8. Ndiyende: Celscius
  9. Wakandipedzera Nguva Yangu: Selmor Mtukudzi
  10. Dai Zvaibvira: Killer T

I asked an artist and friend, Prayersoul his thoughts on the music industry in Zimbabwe;

There is no fixed structure in Zimbabwe for people to know what’s hot and what’s not.  For example, the reason we all know about Cassper Nyovest is because of Channel O, Trace Africa, MTV Base and all the other music channels available on DSTV.  They have a strong media presence and this gives consumers access to them.  If Cassper Nyovest does a video it will go to different fans from Africa, South Africa alone has nearly 55 million people!  He has demand and can send out emails to African promoters to let them know he will be in their country if they want to book a show.  Zimbabwe musicians are not getting this type of exposure.  If there was one channel that we all watched in Zimbabwe and it wasn’t Dstv; think a Zimbabwe “Dstv”.  Then everyone in the industry wanting to grow and get popular would try and get on it and viewers will get to know who is who and increase their chances of bookings.

What is your favourite music genre in your country?  Have there been any collaborations that have gone international?  What do you like or dislike about the music from your country?

©MaKupsy 2017

Day 6: Women Creative Wednesday – RuTendo DeNise

Today is Day 6 of the #30DayAfriBlogger Challenge and the theme is to write about your experience at a event or restaurant.  I wrote this piece last year on the 1st of December and everything in here still applies today.  Read and enjoy, this event changed my life!

I love all things creative and when I got an invite from Lo to attend an event at Moto Republik I was thrilled.  They have a do they have every month they titled #WCW (Women Creative Wednesday) Women Creative Wednesday is an intimate presentation & discussion platform focused on introducing and educating young women on careers in the creative industry as well as connecting them to mentors and peers within the sector.  For the month of November their feature was Rutendo Denise who is a Zimbabwean performance poet, writer, model and social media success story.  

Lo was hosting the discussion and I clearly remember her saying that in Africa, the moment you tell your family that you want to pursue a career in the Creative Industry they go wide eyed and ask questions like “You want to get paid to Tweet?”  So funny!

I normally live Tweet when I attend events but this one was too intimate I had to give it my full attention and I was mind blown by the things that Rutendo shared with us.

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Rutendo touched on so many different issues ranging from drug abuse, suicide, friendship, creativity…it was a mixed bag that left you thinking long and hard about your own life.  I took my “goals” notebook with me and I had nearly 4 pages full of information and trust me years from today I will look back at these nuggets and thank myself for attending this do because information like this rarely ever comes your way.  I will give you some of the information not all that way you guys will attend events next time you hear about them.

Hello

A hello goes a really long way.  People get really “cliquey” when they arrive at events and miss out on opportunities to meet contacts they might need in the future.  When I arrived I remember Rutendo asked us which music albums we were each currently listening to just to break the ice and it got everyone talking.  Later on during the discussion she mentioned that the reason she had asked us about music was because she was nervous and trying to find a way to get us chatting.  She emphasised how a hello can go a very long way because after everyone introduced themselves we had a Blogger, Artist, Chef, App Developer, Journalist, Fitness Consultant, MC & Poet all in one room.  Now imagine if we hadn’t said hello.

Own Your Story

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Above is a screenshot from one of the stories from one of her followers that she shared.  You have to be comfortable with what you have been through.  You will stop yourself from being great because of your past.  You know that feeling of constantly thinking you can’t do certain things because people will then walk up to you and say but we heard you once did a,b,c…  Rutendo has a “#Testimony Time series” on her Instagram where she shares stories of the things that have happened to her that most people are not comfortable talking about.  This has opened doors for other people to also share their stories as well.  We are all going through the most and she has done a great job of getting people to speak up, sometimes that’s all you need, someone who will listen.

Growth

We are all seeds that need to be nurtured. This time next year you will not be the same person.  You will have to put in the work if you want to see results.  Push yourself and strive for excellence.  We have all been given time so make sure you make the most of it doing the best of what you love.  There is no time for mediocrity.

This was an experience that was worth every minute of my time.  You know how you attend something and you keep looking at your watch wondering when you will be put out of your misery?  Not with this one.  This experience was engaging and informative. My passion lies in the creative industry and getting to have time to have one on one dialogue with someone who is in it and doing exceedingly well is something you don’t get to do everyday.  I want to look back a year from today and tick all the nuggets in my “goals” book and send Rutendo a very long email telling her how I smashed all of my goals and I am finally doing the things that fire my soul full time.

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Artist, Blogger, Chef, App Developer, Journalist, Fitness Consultant, MC, Poet, Plus Size Model a mixed bag of creatives all in one room

Without a willing heart, fighting spirit, discernment and the constant pursuit of personal excellence, you won’t achieve or amount to much. .R.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 3: My Totem; MaDube

I absolutely looooove being a MaDube.  My totem is a zebra.  The females who bear this totem are titled MaDube.  The men who bear our totem are titled Samaita or Tembo.  I would never trade my totem for any other.  What is a totem?

A totem is a natural object or animal that is believed by a particular society to have spiritual significance and that is adopted by it as an emblem.

To be honest, I don’t have much information on the subject of totems so I will share the little bits I know.  The last time I had to do this was way back in junior school when we were tasked to find out what our totems were and write up how the totem was “praised”.  In our culture, we use totems as a form of identifying each other.  For example, take a couple trying to get to know each other, one of the first few questions they ask is, “What’s your totem?”.  Unfortunately if you bear the same totem chances are you can’t date because you will be “related”.  (There goes the love of your life.)  

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Zebra

Totems are used at different occasions:

  • For greetings; Mamukasei MaDube? (Good morning MaDube)
  • For praises when you excel at something.  For example after you have cooked a meal for your family they will thank you using your totem.  Maita basa MaDube. (Thank you MaDube)
  • When you do a great deed, for example, taking care of your siblings school fees for the term. Maita basa Tembo mugare kure nemoto. (Thank you Tembo may you be protected and not fall into misfortune.)
  • When you give your partner some mind blowing sex it takes them to another planet and back.  After such an incredible experience your partner will thank you using praises of your totem. (Maita Tembo zvirambe zvakadaro) loosely translated to; Thank you Tembo may you continue to do the things that need to be done!

Fun Facts about MaDube

  1. They are short tempered.  Trust me, I know, I’m a MaDube.
  2. They are known for being the best lay ever!  (I wouldn’t know though, I’m a virgin)
  3. Zebras have very nice legs, no lies at all.  Take another look at the picture above, then refer to the one at the bottom for confirmation.  They have strong, toned and beautiful legs and so it is only natural that those who bear the totem are blessed in that department.
  4. If you are a MaDube feel free to add more fun facts…I’m all out.
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MaDube

That said, this blogging challenge has gotten the best of me and it’s only day 3.  Today was a tough day and I nearly didn’t blog but I remembered that I am NOT a quitter and besides I initiated this challenge, who goes around letting people down like that?

If you have a totem do tell me about it.  If you are a MaDube like me what are some of the things you have heard about our totem that you can completely relate to?

©MaKupsy 2017

 

Why Do (we) Africans Fear Doctor Visits?

I grew up in a family where healthcare was a big part of our tradition.  My parents always had annual medical checkups and this tradition easily became part of my life throughout the years.  The fear of doctors is not something new to most people in Africa because most of us don’t visit the doctor for a vast number of reasons.  I want to touch on healthcare; share some of my experiences and also let you know what some my friends on social media have to say about healthcare in our country, Zimbabwe.

90% of Zimbabweans are not on medical aid.

The Dermatologist 

I have had problem skin for the longest time!  I didn’t understand why I kept getting breakouts and why the over-the-counter medications I kept trying out were not working on my skin.  I was spending a lot of money and getting zero results.  The wise thing was to simply book an appointment with a Dermatologist right?  Wrong!  I had to try everything under the sun including self diagnosing my problem until I finally accepted defeat.  You would think I didn’t have medical aid cover!  I saw the Dermatologist and in just 5 minutes he prescribed some oral medication, an ointment and told me to use only white soap on my skin.  I WAS NOT convinced! I mean, here I was spending money on Clinique products and this man tells me the answer is in white soap??  Just like that?  I will have you know that he was right though; shame on me!  Now when I have a break out I know the exact reason why and I’m glad I made that appointment.  It saved me from forking out money every other month on products that were achieving the square root of nothing!

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Image from Pinterest

The Surgeon

I’m one of those people who’s always on the look out for any abnormalities on my body when I’m not busy checking out how my abs are looking in the mirror that is.  Sometime last year round about this time I felt a lump in my breast.  It felt uncomfortable and my monthly’s were nowhere close so something was definitely amiss!  I have to warn you, the internet is not your friend when you are not well.  I went straight to Google and the things I found through the searches were jaw dropping!  By the time I went to bed that night I was convinced I had full blown breast cancer and I didn’t sleep a wink.  I was the first person to arrive at the doctor the next day and after she ran a few tests she referred me to a surgeon.  The long and the short of the story is it turned out I didn’t have breast cancer but what I had was a breast mouse which was pretty large but was safely removed and I have no scar to show for it.  The surgeon had a field day with me though because I was nervous as heck on the day of the operation because I couldn’t afford to have the procedure while I was “put to sleep” so I went through it wide awake.

Prevention is better than cure.

I asked a friend of mine, Claire, why it is important to go for doctor visits.  She is currently working in Anaesthetics as an Intern at Parirenyatwa Hospital.

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Claire Gweredza-Hondo

3 Reasons Why Doctor Visits Are Important:

  1. It’s one thing to be exercising and trying to eat healthy but it’s also equally important to have regular checkups at the doctor at least once a year.  Having your doctor see you on a regular helps detect disease or illness early.  Checkups include but are not limited to screening for cancers, high blood pressure, cholesterol and dental check ups.
  2. Going for regular check ups helps with establishing a good doctor-patient relationship because you get to spend more time together.  You eventually get comfortable sharing your health problems and that fear and anxiety lessens.
  3. Getting yourself on medical aid cover means you are actually saving money.  You are investing now to prevent disease that was going to cost you more when diagnosed later.  For example, getting cervical cancer screening with Viac or Pap smear might seem not worth it now but it can save a lot of money in the long run.  When diagnosed late, there will be need for chemotherapy and radiotherapy which cost thousands in the long run.

The ONE disadvantage I know that comes with doctor visits is that they are expensive.  If I didn’t have medical aid cover I know for a fact I would live through a lot of aches and pains and hope and pray they would disappear.

Below are some of the reasons why some Africans do not go to the doctor:

  • First the consultation and tests fees are too high, secondly they always diagnose you with something and lastly I fear of the unknown! @MadamVeeM
  • It’s in our culture to cure diseases with natural and cost effective remedies, if you cough you are given gum tree leaves to drink up.  If it’s a fever you get Panado Paracetamol.  @TKMRushwaya
  • Shortfalls are actual chest pains! Worse trying to claim! Better I go to the pharmacy and negotiate an anti-biotic and prescription! @Taffykinz
  • Doctors visits when you don’t have medical aid cover are pretty expensive. If you go to government hospitals you might not even get to be seen by a doctor! @Sun_Tzungie
  • You will end up getting results that you are HIV Positive and yet you thought you were down with a terrible cold this entire time!  @Ubuntu_Queen
  • Money is tight and if used for healthcare you will end up with no money for food and other responsibilities.@fadzij
  • The way healthcare is in Zimbabwe ,everyone is afraid of doctor’s bills…so they delay it, unless and until it becomes an emergency. @CltreDelicious
  • Genuinely afraid of needles if I have to get a shot and I’m also afraid of finding out I could have unknown conditions. @madamkerry

    PSMAS is the largest healthcare insurance in Zimbabwe and covers mostly civil servants.

I don’t want to lie.  Going to see the doctor is a nightmare, waiting for what feels like forever and a day, finding out the pharmacy doesn’t have your prescribed medication and worst of all being told there is a shortfall of however much that time there is no option of paying through plastic money…It’s nothing to look forward to and I don’t blame people for not wanting to put themselves through that.

However, in order to live longer we should all try to prevent things that can easily be prevented or managed.

What are your thoughts on the healthcare system in Zimbabwe?  What have been some of your best and worst experiences?  Those from other parts of the world, how is your healthcare system?

Let’s talk in the comments section.

©MaKupsy 2017

 

 

 

How To Lose A Great Guy

One of the main reasons I started blogging was because of a guy.  I had caught feelings so bad I thought they were going to suffocate me in my sleep and I would die without him ever knowing it.  Fast forward to a few months after posting that blog we started dating.  Please note he had not seen that post because it was the only post I had made so thankfully nature took its natural course.

However, this was going to be a long distance relationship.  He worked out of the country and he would only come home twice a year.  We spoke about the challenges we would face where distance was concerned and given that he worked on a cruise ship it meant that the greater part of the time I would not get to speak to him over the phone because most times he would be at sea.  When you are in love you think everything will be a walk in the park.  We made promises to each other before he left and everything was bliss.

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Image from Google

The first few weeks were manageable.   We got to communicate through WhatsApp every other day and each time I saw his name pop up on my screen my face would light up.  I was at that point I would get upset if anyone else tried to send me a message because I only wanted to hear from him.

Weeks turned into months and communication was getting less and less because he had to work.  At first I played the understanding girlfriend, after all I already knew what I had signed myself up for beforehand.  I kept myself busy with other activities and tried not to obsess over carrying my phone around everywhere in case he tried getting in touch with me.  When I didn’t hear from weeks I started feeling blue.  I remember sending a message to my friend and telling her that I wasn’t okay and I was missing my boyfriend so much.  She reassured me that all would be okay and as soon as he was free he would definitely get in touch with me.

It’s not easy when someone who means the world to you is miles away and you can’t do anything but wait to hear from him.  The most I could do was email him and you can only send so many emails before you start sounding obsessive.  I had to wait…Eventually he would get time to chat and Voice Messages have never sounded so precious.  I felt better again and I was back to my happy self.

I really fought the feeling of ending things.  I was getting more and more frustrated by the day.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love him, I did but my language of love is Quality Time and in order to feel closely connected to my partner I have to spend time with him.  That wasn’t happening; not that I didn’t know it wasn’t going to be happening but I didn’t realise it would be so hard!  Why did I even get myself into this?  Oh yes, LOVE.

I ended up sending him a message telling him I was unhappy and that the relationship was over.  (My heart was breaking as I typed every single word to him).  He only got the message a few days after I sent it and he never replied.  That was the most regrettable thing I have done to date.  A part of me wanted to send another message telling him I didn’t mean what I had said.  I really didn’t but I think I was just longing for his attention and I went about it the wrong way!  I knew his schedule and I knew he would be back home in a few weeks so I assured myself that he would surely visit when he arrived and say something; anything.

The moment he landed in Zimbabwe he came to see me!

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Image from Google

That was the longest hug I had ever given him, it was heartfelt and I genuinely had missed him tonnes.  Everyone in the office was saying hi to him because they knew him from visits he would make when he was around.  I have never felt so much relief, in my head I thought him coming to see me was a good sign.  He picked me up after work and we went for a drive.  We talked about everything, his travels, my fitness obsession, he was shocked at the amount of weight I had lost since the last time we had seen each other.

After avoiding the real issue at hand he finally told me that he had come to see me because he wanted us to remain in good books even after things had not gone well between us.   He told me he had seen my message and he had been saddened because he thought we were going to work out.  He also said that he was not one to push if I had made up my mind he was not going to be in a relationship with someone who wanted out.  At this point in my head I was screaming noooooo, that wasn’t what it was I just wanted your attention I didn’t mean to break up with you! I really lost out on a good thing.  He was a great guy but I was childish about putting my feelings across.  Once he was done talking I just said it was okay and we went on to have dinner and he dropped me off at home.

We spoke a few times after that, he even went all out to make my birthday super special.   When he left the country that time around he only sent me a message to tell me he was leaving and when he arrived on the other side of the world he sent another message and that was the last time I heard from him.  I missed him, I missed him so much until I had to change my phone number because I knew I was never going to hear from him again.

The motive of this story?  Do not break up with someone unless you really feel that you want out.  Hoping that the next person will come running and begging for you to take them back or make it work might not actually happen.  You will end up single and miserable and wishing you had not sent that message or made that phone call. If you are really over someone tell them in person because that from what I have learnt shows maturity.

Have you been in a situation like this before?

I want to know from the guys, have you taken someone back after she told you she didn’t want to be with you anymore?

 

©MaKupsy 2016

 

 

Women Need Help Too!

I have a serious bone to chew with whoever comes up with some of these things.  Don’t get me wrong I am all for taking care of your other half but lately I have been wondering.  Who takes care of the woman once a couple gets married?  Our culture expects the woman to bend and break for her husband.  From cooking, cleaning, making sure the house is in order, being intimate with him as many times as she can take it, taking care of the children, showing up for funerals, family functions, taking in in-laws…the list is endless.  In all this you are bound to ask yourself what the man will be doing in this equation.  The answer is easy really.  He will be sitting in front of the TV watching who knows what and relaxing all day long.  Basically the man does nothing.  Before you get all worked up it’s obvious its not ALL MEN who are like that, but in our culture most men are.

I am going to keep this post as short as possible so that it doesn’t turn into a man bashing rant.  What I would like to know is who is taking care of the woman in all this?  After a long days work she is expected to get home, prepare supper, make sure the children have done their homework and a whole list of other things married people do.  Would it kill the husband to actually cook once in a while if he got home before the wife?  If he isn’t much of a cook maybe pile up the dishes nicely, boil the meat, chops onions and tomatoes (do something) so that when the wife gets home she can start from somewhere and not feel like a slave who has to wait hand and foot for her husband.  Maybe my way of thinking is crazy but it would make the world a better place if people worked as a team.  Heck, women get tired too they are not energizer bunnies who just keep going and going.

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Image from Google

I know a man who is reading this and saying to himself “But I pay all the bills around the house and she doesn’t have to worry about the financial side of things”  Well yes, thank you for doing a great job mister, but it’s not always about the money.  It’s about the small things that make a woman feel a whole lot more appreciated for everything she does.

Our culture has a long way to go…  If by any chance a man is seen by his friends or relatives helping around the house (there are very few of these by the way) he is considered weak and chances are his wife fed him a love potion so that he can do as she pleases with him.  Wrong thinking right there.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing tasks.  It actually makes for a better home and chances of getting more sex because “I am tired” won’t be featuring in the wife’s’ list of excuses.

Teamwork people teamwork!

But then again, I’m not married, what would I know about the ins and outs of a marriage?  It wouldn’t hurt to consider it though, I am sure your wife would be happy to see you do something to make tasks around the house a little easier.

What are your honest thoughts on this subject?  I know not everyone will agree with my line of thinking so I would love to hear from you.

©MaKupsy 2017

Man Crush Monday : Chef Takura

Every woman wants a man who can cook; okay I lie, I love a man who can cook so I will speak for myself on this one.  Imagine getting home to a meal prepared with nothing but tender loving care by your one and only.  Chef Takura (hello beard gang) took some time out to share spinets of his story with me and you can read all about it below.

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Chef Takura

I have always loved cooking, working in hospitality made the choice easier.

My favorite meal changes so often. I am into soups at the moment. I also always love making pizza and pasta from scratch because they are so versatile for toppings and sauces!!
I currently work at Forest Hills Resort as the Managing Director.  I love building and making our product better. Sadly I have very little time to cook. (There goes my dream to have a Chef Bae!)  Forest Hills is a beautiful location many places to hike and enjoy nature.
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Forest Hills

Being the wine lover that I am I couldn’t resist asking him on his thoughts on food and wine…
Pairing food and wine was my last job in Australia where I was the Head Sommelier (a wine waiter) at a Modern European Bistro. Pay attention to the weight of the dish as well as flavour. A hearty beef dish will go better with a full bodied red wine and a light spicy Asian dish would go better with a lighter white wine. Experiment a lot and see what your palette enjoys!!!
I do try and exercise as much as I can. The nice thing about living on a mountain is that EVERY walk has an incline!! I also like to swim and skip.
I have just gained a little more fitness and I get to see the area and take loads of nature photos.  The greatest challenge I have had so far when it comes to exercising is making time and there is no one to work out with out here.  Chef Takura needs to read about the benefits of running alone.  However, I do enjoy running, I will start running when I get someone to chase me!
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Shakshuka or eggs in rich tomato sauce

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Grilled Crumbed Fish Fillets with home made mayonnaise and pineapple salsa!

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Beef Fried Rice

You can get in touch with Chef Takura on Twitter and Instagram to stay up to date with his mouth watering meals and beautiful views that he constantly shares on social media.
©MaKupsy 2017

Album Review : While I Was Away (Prayersoul)

Music is the art of thinking with sounds. – Jules Combarieu

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Prayersoul

I had made one too many promises to attend one of Prayersoul’s events but last Friday I told myself that come what may I was going to go and watch his live performance.  The venue was well laid out with a comfortable sitting area, drinks that were reasonably priced and a bonfire to keep us warm because winter nights are not being very friendly at the moment. (well thought out if you ask me) Prayersoul was interactive with the intimate crowd throughout his performance.  That makes a world of difference because not only did he get to play his music he also took time to share his story with his biggest fans.  I found that to be one of the outstanding things about the whole show.  I got myself a copy of his new album While I Was Away and I could not wait to get home and have a listen.  Attending this do was my highlight of the week, I didn’t regret it at all.  It was a beautiful experience and you should have been there!

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While I Was Away is Prayersoul’s Second Album.  The NeoSoul musician released his 10 Track album early this year.  The album genre is mainly NeoSoul but it has a blend of a lot of African Nuances in percussion, guitars, rhythm, and vernacular lyrics in most songs but clearly all soulful.  I listened to his album all weekend long and I must say, I was not disappointed.

I already have not one but four favourite tracks from his album and you should have a listen.

Track 3: Uxolo

This was a pleasant surprise.  I didn’t realise that Prayersoul was a Bulawayo boy! Nothing wins me as much as listening in to music that has vernacular lyrics.  English is alright no doubt but vernacular always brings the message home.  In this track he sings about forgiveness.

Track 4 : Million Reasons

My mind went back in time.  It reminded me of the days when love was honest, pure, no games and you were not afraid to be vulnerable.  Remember that time you could sit down with your partner and count the many ways why they meant the world to you?  We are now living in times where you have to extremely guard your heart because you have no idea what the next person’s intentions are.  This is something a lot of people can relate to, when you get your hands on his album make sure this is one of the first tracks you listen to.

Track 5: Go

Screaming!!! The moment I listened to this my mind went straight to Zumba.  It has a Samba feel to it.  I have added it to my running playlist.  I already have a mental image of what the music video would look like.  Women in short dresses, men in tight pants and shirts unbuttoned down to reveal their chests, everyone sweating from all the dancing, smokey room by the beach and some men seated and enjoying the music while smoking some cigars!!  It will be a great setup to go with this track that was clearly made for dancing.

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Prayersoul

After listening to this album one three many times and obviously annoying the heck out of my neighbours I finally got a chance to read through his shout outs.  What pulled at my heart strings was his last shout out that he gave to his wife, Nadine.  You know how they say you always save the best for last…It is beautiful to watch couples celebrate and support each other especially on a creative journey that a lot of people do not understand.

Thanks to attending his live show I got to find out a few things I didn’t know about Prayersoul.

  • He writes his own songs.
  • His favourite social media space is Facebook.
  • He was born in Bulawayo.
  • He moved to Masvingo for High School and University education.
  • He plays a little bit of bass guitar and a bit of piano.
  • He has a BSc in Social Sciences.  When he was looking for a job he would occasionally perform and he started getting calls for his performances.  He never got a call for any of the CVs for his Degree.  He started getting paid for his performances and that became his job.
  • He facilitates for guitar lessons for age groups starting 4.5 years to as old as possible, watch his social media for details.
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Prayersoul & MaKupsy 🙂

Upcoming Events…

Look out for promo events featuring Prayersoul at Chez Zandi , Organiks and a couple of Prayersoul launch concerts and these are mainly to connect with his fans before he travels out of the country.

You can keep in touch on any of his social media pages:

  1. Facebook
  2. Instagram
  3. Twitter
  4. www.prayersoul.com
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my signed copy 🙂 USD5

This is my first album review and I can safely rate 8 out of 10 for While I Was Away.   You have to do yourself a favour and attend one of his events, his live performances are captivating.  You know I always recommend quality things and this album will be worth your money, trust me.  If you are looking for an album that will soothe your soul and take you to a happy place then you’re in luck!  Prayersoul is a talented man and I wish him all the beautiful things on his creative journey.  Keep making soulful music Mr Soul!

Prayersoul says the best advice he ever got when he was starting out on his journey was that you need to find out what makes you unique because everyone else is already doing the same thing that you are doing.  Find your Africanness! 

©MaKupsy 2017