I Want To Know What Love Is

“Love is no what you say.  Love is what you do.”

I Want To Know What Love Is MaKupsy.jpg

Image from Pinterest

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is the solid fact that we love differently.  You might think you’re going above and beyond to show your partner how much they mean to you; meanwhile they’re receiving “no signal” at all.  Today’s post will have more questions than answers because I too am still trying to figure out what love is supposed to be.

Why do you think some women have trust issues when it comes to men?

I’ve heard of stories were a married man leaves his matrimonial home in the guise of a day out with his boys only for him to go to pay Lobola for his girlfriend? This is someone who made a vow to love his wife till the end of time.  Which part of this vow said that he can secretly love another woman?  Is it true then that you can love more than one person or it’s a matter of greed?  I’ve always wondered if men who go on to have more than one wife are able to fully satisfy them?  It’s already a tall order pleasing one woman now imagine the amount of stress you’ll invite into your life with more than one of them?

Break up to make up

Have you ever been with a partner who continuously cheats on you but you find yourself sticking it through with them for reasons that seem not so bad when you tell them to yourself;

  • the sex is amazing
  • they’re your comfort zone, they’ve been in your life forever
  • you lost their virginity to them
  • what will people say after dating for so long
  • you love them
  • they’ll change you just have to make sure you change a thing or two to keep them happy

Does a leopard change it’s skin?  Why do you choose to put yourself through things that you know will achieve the square root of nothing?  This person already knows that you’re going to take them back no matter what they do to hurt you.  Love yourself and do the right thing; let them go.

Different relationship goals

unhappy couple MaKupsy.jpg

Image from Google

I remember breaking up with someone I was madly in love with a couple of years ago because he wouldn’t come with me to go get tested to find out our HIV status.  Almost everything was ticking all the boxes until he started coming up with stories not to go to the clinic.  We’re living in a time were people are more concerned about how many people their partner has been with instead of knowing their sexual history.  Protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and HIV should be top priority.  Don’t buy this bullshit of “but I trust you babe” let’s just have sex without a condom line.  Never trust people, just because you’re sleeping with them doesn’t mean you’re the only one they’re sleeping with.  Remember that!?

You’re probably reading this and thinking we’re all going to die some day so let’s live our best lives.  To be honest; I just want to know why you want to get there sooner than your time when you can do something about protecting your peace and your health.

I just want to know what love is.  Do you think you can help me define it?

ⒸMaKupsy 2019

Advertisements

I Wish I Had Waited To Have Sex Until Marriage

If I’d never left my parents house I’d have had sex the day I got married.  I come from a culture where we were constantly reminded that if you had sex your mother’s back would break.  You can read about the sex talk I got when I entered puberty over here.  I dated my very first boyfriend for a good 3 years before we eventually started having sex.  The main reason nothing ever happened was because I was genuinely scared.  We also used to see each other in public spaces so we never got intimate moments on our own.

I eventually got a job in the capital city, Harare and he didn’t waste any time trying to convince me to get in-between the sheets.  Every other day we would make out but never go all the way.  I eventually decided screw it (just do it) I’m tired of him always asking and we eventually had sex.  I must say, it was the most shocking few minutes of my life.  I lay there and thought, so this was it?  Nothing magical or newsworthy?  So much for holding onto this for all these years!  I felt terribly guilty and my innocence was stripped away, life as we know it was never the same again…

sex regret makupsy.jpg

Image from Pinterest

It’s unfortunate that you can’t turn back the hands of time but I truly regret having sex before marriage.  So many things would have gone right but they went left thanks to giving in to my pleasures. I’m not saying sex is bad, I’m simply saying the consequences that come with it are not for the weak.

  • Having sex will sometimes leave you in a spiritual warfare.  You can feel ashamed, empty and sometimes depressed.  You will struggle emotionally.
  • Fear lives with you all the damn time.  Going for your routine check up for HIV will no longer be a fun activity.  When it comes to sex I always say that you don’t keep your partners private parts in your bag so you’ll never know who they’re using them on.  The moment you start having sex you’ve set yourself up for an emotional roller coaster because infidelity and diseases are real.  You’ll be waiting for your results and telling the universe you’re never ever going to have sex again!  What a joke.
  • Chances of you comparing your current lover to a past lover are high.  You’ll be wondering why he doesn’t like sucking your toes during sex meanwhile he’s wondering why you like taking it in the ass.  It’s a messy scenario.
  • Ever heard anyone say “she was dickmatised“?  It’s another way of saying she can’t opt out because the sex is really good.  Sometimes people are stuck in bad relationships because of sex and letting go of something that’s not good for your soul is a tall order because you think noone else will ever make you feel that way again.
  • You might be faced with an unplanned pregnancy and end up with someone you probably didn’t like enough to raise a child with.  Abortion in Zimbabwe is a criminal offence so buckle up and keep that in mind if you’re having unprotected sex.
  • You will end up knowing everything about what your partner likes physically but absolutely nothing about them as an individual.  Their favourite colour, what they like to do in their spare time, their favourite food or even their plans for the future.  A sexually charged relationship can easily blind you from things that actually matter.
  • You’ll question whether your partner likes you for you or they like you for the sex.  Sometimes it’s not easy to spot the difference.

There are days I’m caught between thinking I should make a pact with myself to go celibate until I get married.  Then other times I think life is too short what if I die tomorrow mentality.  Sex is so complex!  I salute everyone who managed to wait to have sex until marriage. I’ve always wondered all about the benefits of doing so are and I’ll ask a few friends who did so to share their experiences with me.

I think waiting isn’t impossible but it will be much more difficult if you’ve had sex before.  Would you try this for yourself, or you’d rather let this one pass?  Also, do you remember the first time you had sex?

©MaKupsy 2019

 

3 Signs That Show Your Relationship Is Doomed

Being in a relationship can be one enriching experience if done right.  However, not everyone is cut out for it and things can get messy.  signs your relationship is complicated MaKupsy.jpg

Image from Pinterest

They Don’t Apologise

There’s no way you can always be right, this is a fact.  However, when you do something wrong or if your partner highlights something that you did that affects them in a negative way it’s only right to apologise.  Not the “I’m sorry” and end it at that apology.  A real genuinely heart felt apology will do the trick.  Here’s a beautiful example;

“I’m sorry I didn’t show up on time my love, I got carried away and completely forgot about our appointment.  Please forgive me for keeping you waiting.  How can I make it up to you.”

Yes, there are people who apologise like that in this lifetime.  You will meet them some day.

They Don’t Know How To Communicate

Do I have enough stories to last a lifetime for this one!  I used to be that person.  I would sulk, plunge myself into a mood swings for an entire day or simply say nothing was wrong when my partner asked what was wrong.  DO NOT BE THIS PERSON.  If something is wrong speak up!  I think part of the problem for some women is that we’ve been socialised to say everything is okay even when it isn’t so we just grin and bear it.  Find ways that will help you communicate your thoughts and feelings in a healthy and progressive way.  No relationship is perfect, problems will come but how you deal with them is what will make or break you.

They Don’t Allow You To Spend Time With Your Friends

No man is an island.  If people could remember this the relationship world would  be a better place.  Your partner needs time away from you to spend it with other people that light up their life.  Just think of the number of stories you will talk about or the places you can try out when you eventually have time together.  Wouldn’t that be special?

Where relationships are concerned I have just one piece of unsolicited advise; Be with people who value your time and your presence, headaches caused by selfish people are not to be tolerated in 2019 going forward.  Love thy self!

Have you been through any of these situations when you were dating?  How did you handle it?

©MaKupsy 2019

 

 

Uncomfortable Things That Happen When You Share Accommodation

If you’re planning to move into shared accommodation then you need to read this post and have a heads up on all the bullsh*t you will encounter.  I tried out this madness for a solid year in 2018 and this is what my experience of moving in with a complete stranger was like.

find accommodation in Harare, Zimbabawe.jpg

Image from Pinterest

Please note that the shared accommodation looked like nothing in the above image, but a girl can dare to dream right?

What NOT To Look Forward To

  1. Hygiene levels will not be on the same level.  I’m a clean freak for the most part and I had to share kitchen space with someone who could keep dishes in the sink for at least days without doing anything about them.  When I first moved in I had no problem combining my housemates dishes with mine but after a few days I decided I have much more important things to do with my life and cleaning after a grown person was not one of them.
  2. Your food stuff will get used up and the next person won’t have the decency to tell you.  I was beyond annoyed the one time I got home to find half my onion was used.  There’s nothing wrong with that, people run out of onion all the time.  What annoyed me was having it used and no one saying anything about it, l was annoyed and no I didn’t ask them, I’m only petty in my head.  My friend suggested I take my food out of the kitchen but I was entitled to kitchen space and I planned on using it; I simply stopped placing my perishables for all and sundry.
  3. Noise.  My housemate had a bunch of friends that would come over on weekends.  That was great until they started coming over during the week as well and I couldn’t sleep till they decided they were drunk enough for bed.  Even after communicating that I had a job to get to in the morning and I needed a goodnight’s sleep it was as good as talking to myself, nothing changed.  I started resenting going home.  My advice, invest in earplugs.
  4. Fears come alive in HD.  I once had an encounter years ago where someone tried to break into my apartment.  That incident left me feeling highly sensitive to sound.  The house I shared was in a part of town where the yard was huge and trees surrounded the house.  The days my housemate wasn’t around were the worst.  I imagined all the things that could happen to me, how far away our neighbours were if I had to call for help and I wouldn’t sleep a single wink.  Fear coupled with an overactive imagination is a recipe for disaster!
  5. Goodbye sex.  My room was right next to my housemate who happened to be my landlord and old enough to be my oldest sister.  There was no way I was about to start getting laid knowing fully well she was in the next room.  Gangster as I am, it simply wouldn’t happen.  I missed sex!

Wait, There’s Good News…

sharing accommodation in Zimbabwe.jpg

Image from Pinteres

  1. A tranquil environment.  I moved to an area where there was peace and quiet.  I would wake up to the sound of birds chirping.  That was the most beautiful experience I’d had in the longest time.  I’ve stayed in a part of town where the first thing you hear is the sound of cars hooting at each other so this was a very welcome change.
  2. No random visitors.  Most people didn’t visit me and I loved it!  It helped me cut out some people who didn’t really need to be in my life to begin with.  Not having to deal with unwanted visitors was a huge positive for me.
  3. Prayer life increased.  More time to myself meant more time to face my thoughts and get to know who I really was.  I had more time to read my Bible, fast and pray and for the first time in the longest time I considered attending church, and I actually did and I loved it!
  4. You save money.  I moved out because staying in town was becoming expensive and I had a goal to save up for something.  I was paying half the rent and it also covered my water and electricity bill and that was one less thing to worry about on my part.
  5. Space.  I loved how there was so much space I could do all my fitness workouts without having to leave the premises.  What more could I ask for?

Just so you know, I won’t be sharing accommodation with anyone EVER AGAIN.  I felt like I was walking on eggshells the entire time afraid to offend my housemate in one way or the other. Yes, there are benefits to sharing accommodation but for me, it was one experience not worth giving another try.

Have you shared accommodation before?  What was your experience like?  Also, how do you go about finding accommodation in your area?  Here in Zimbabwe most people, myself included just head over to Facebook Groups to try and get something we can afford.

©MaKupsy 2019

The Surprise A Married Man Gifted Me With

“I’m 21 years old; I just found out I’m pregnant and my boyfriend is married with a 5 year old son.”

pregnant and miserable MaKupsy.jpg

Image from Google

This was a subject of discussion sometime last week on one of the radio stations I listen in to when I have time.  I found the whole subject quite enthralling.  I’m a woman, I’ve gone through pregnancy before and frankly speaking I felt sad for the girl who had submitted her story to ask for help because that girl was me once upon a time.  The only difference between us was that the man in question wasn’t married but boy did I go through a whirlwind of emotions throughout the entire ordeal.

The 21 Year Girl

At age 21 I was as naive as they come.  I knew nothing about contraceptive methods, I thought living “happily ever after” was a real thing and most of all I believed everything my boyfriend told me.  No questions asked.  I’m assuming the girl in question is just like that.  If not then it takes us back to the conversation most African parents avoid, sexual health.  It’s all hush hush, the girl child grows up unequipped and she’s the one who bears the brunt of 9 months of almost always an unwanted pregnancy as if she was having sex all by herself?

What saddens me the most is that all those pregnancy hormones are already giving her a hard time and now she has to deal with society and a boyfriend who’s now informing her he’s married.  When do women catch a break?

The (so-called) Married Man

Suddenly he remembers that he’s married?  Where was his marital status when he was having sex with this girl left, right and centre?  Amnesia much???  I think it’s only fair that married people move around with marriage certificates, rings and a uniform to identify their marital status because who can even confirm this declaration?  If you ask me, this sounds like a case of a man running away from responsibility.  If he is indeed telling the truth then does his marital status change the fact that his girlfriend is now pregnant?  Why are married men leaving their homes where they made promised a forever after to seek out younger or older women, having unprotected sex with them, getting them pregnant and causing nothing but havoc in what could be a perfect world?

What must happen to this 21 year old girl who he is ready to dump in a heart beat?  Given the current economic situation in Zimbabwe what are the chances that she even has a job?

The Caller / Contributor

Listeners were given an opportunity to call in and share their thoughts on the subject matter.  A 29 year old woman called and said that she was in a polygamous relationship and she was the first wife.  Apparently her husband has a second wife who is 19 years old.  According to her she receives all of the husband’s salary and doesn’t give the second wife a single dime of the money.  It was only after listened to this that I realised that women truly are each other’s greatest enemies…

My Thoughts

  • No sex before marriage.  I know this is something we were told a million times over but it was only after I lost my virginity that I realised that shit is real.  Don’t give yourself to someone who isn’t your husband, nothing good ever comes out of it.  If a many really does love you let him marry you and have all the sex he wants under the sun without putting yourself through unnecessary stress.
  • People lie; that includes both men and women, take everything everyone tells you with a pinch of salt.  Especially men who claim to be “single”.  Do your investigations thoroughly before committing to someone.
  • Sexually transmitted diseases are real, you will die before your time.  If you choose to have sex make sure you’re having protected sex and you’re on a contraceptive method of sort.  If you choose otherwise make sure you’re prepared for the consequences that come with it.
  • It’s going to be difficult for the 21 year old before it gets easy but it will get better in time.  There are many stories of women who had children out of wedlock but eventually found love and lived a fulfilled life, it’s not the end of the world.

What advice would you give to this young woman?  What in your opinion should happen to married men who go around lying about their marital status?

©MaKupsy 2019

 

 

 

 

To Give Or Not To Give Your Girlfriend A Monthly Allowance?

Bae Allowance Money a guy gives his girlfriend at the end of each month for her random needs.

Girlfriend  Giving Directions To Her Boyfriend

“Come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me off.  Look for flat 9A, you’ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.  Get out of the lift, you’ll find my flat on the left.  Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW and I’ll get the door for you.”

Boyfriend says: That seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend: “OMG! Are you coming empty handed?”

Boyfriend: (speechless)

DSC_1949.jpg

I thought this was hilarious because some men are famous for visiting their girlfriends with just dick and hairy balls, like can we throw those in a pan and fry them for supper  Women are not saying buy them something everyday but why not think outside the box for a change and surprise a lady with something she likes??

One of my contacts sent me that joke on WhatsApp last night and it gave me an idea to blog about this morning.  Let’s talk about Bae Allowance shall we?

Screenshot_2015-12-11-09-44-19-1-1.jpg

Photo Credit Theo & Essy

Let me first give you my thoughts on the subject matter.  This might end up being a lengthy blog but I promise you will enjoy it.  Let me tell you a bit about my very first boyfriend.  That guy treated me like a little princess.  He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special event, good or bad moment.  We were through it all through thick and thin.  The whole 5 years that we dated I never asked for a single dime of his money.  He just did things because he wanted to and not because I had to beg and plead for him to do so.  Maybe because back then I was younger and had less problems but I believe even if we had stayed together he was still going to be that guy who takes care of his woman without her throwing tantrums about it.  After dating other people after him I can safely say that people are different and just because he went above and beyond for me doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same.

For that reason I have since learnt to accept that one should always live within their means and not expect the next person to cater to their every single need.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your man shouldn’t spoil you but you don’t have to convince him to do so, he has to do so on his own accord.  Guys already know that a woman needs to be pampered every now and again and so if he isn’t doing it for you it’s either he doesn’t want to, he’s just not that into you or he’s simply doing it for another woman who clearly isn’t you.  I for one would not want a fixed monthly allowance, that for me feels a tad bit tacky because if the tables were turned trust me I would not be paying anyone an allowance for being a part of my life.  I have a daughter on my  payroll as it is, I don’t think I can make anymore additions to that!

I asked a few friends; both male and female about their thoughts on Bae Allowance and these were their thoughts:

The ladies said:

  • I think if it’s a serious relationship it’s not meant to be an obligation; both are meant to help each other out.  In a case were both work rather do  things for each other than give each other money otherwise it will seem like it’s all about money.
  • l feel most guys should give their girlfriends Bae Allowance.  That way  you avoid having to constantly say “Baby my hair is a mess l need money, baby my nails what not.”  Just give her the monthly allowance so that you don’t stress each other out every other week.  IT’S NOT A MUST THOUGH.

The guys said:

  • There should not be a fixed mandatory Bae Allowance in a relationship.  It is of paramount importance that an individual be self sufficient that way I can chip in here and there.  It’s important to take care of your partner (what you don’t do for her, she will find someone else who can) but it should not be made out into a big deal when I can’t do it all the time.
  • If you’re my girlfriend don’t ask me for anything that costs $5 or less because what were you doing for money before we started dating? Now you suddenly want my money.  I should feel like spending on you willingly.  I’m not a bank and understand that when I say I don’t have money most of the time I genuinely don’t have because money is hard to come by.  I will spend on her but bae allowance I don’t do… It’s like I’m paying you to be my girlfriend!

There you have it.  Both sexes have voiced out their opinions.

As an addition I just had to say this.  Fine, I know I am not for a woman actually getting to be on her boyfriends payroll but some of these guys are cheap skates.  If you actually don’t even ask him to buy you anything he will actually continue to do so and not see anything wrong with that.  Let me ask the guys a question.  How are you going to date your girlfriend for a whole year and not once surprise her with a set of sexy lingerie?  So you are an expert at taking off her clothes but not buying her anything to add sexiness to her lingerie collection??  Also, why do some guys just want to take women out for drinks when the same amount can be used for a proper lunch, dinner or better still coffee date?  Okay fine, that is completely off topic now.

This is the part I say goodbye.

My friends from the Podcast world got excited about this topic and touched on the subject.  You can listen in from here.

Bae Allowance MaKupsy.jpg

A few years later I can safely inform you that giving your girlfriend has great benefits that include wonderful things like getting married to her.  Congratulations to my friends Theo & Essy who were kind enough to share their picture with me for this post.  They’re now happily married and living an amazing life together.

©MaKupsy 2019

I Lost My Sister To Depression

I lost my older sister to depression on the 15th of December 2018.  I’ve felt so many different emotions since then but sadness and pain are the most distinguished feelings for me.  I haven’t been able to write up any blog posts from scratch because my creativity plummeted.  Today, after nearly 4 months of her passing I’m finally able to blog again.

death MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

My sister was a real fashionista!  She indulged in the finer things in life; clothes, food, experiences; those were always top notch for her.  She didn’t have room for compromise, for her it was all about quality.  I can safely let you in on the secret that most people didn’t know; I wanted to be just like her, I completely admired her!  I experienced all my dazzling firsts with her.  My first movie, coffee date, restaurant experience even my first alcoholic beverage was courtesy of!  Her reason for letting me drink alcohol when I turned 18 was so that when I attended parties I wouldn’t pass out after having just one drink (as if my dad ever let me attend any parties at all)  Minus giving me a kick start to being an alcoholic at some point in my life she also gave me wonderful tips on personal care which I still use to this day and intend to pass on to my daughter.

“No flowers for me.”

That was my sister’s WhatsApp status for the longest time but I never asked her why she chose to put that up.  At her funeral her best friend told me that it was because the last time she was hospitalised her friends bought her a lot of flowers and she complained that they should have sent her money instead.  That’s my sister alright!  Now each time I see a bouquet of flowers I think of her…

You know what hurts me the most?  My sister and I didn’t talk often but when we did we would catch up and talk about all the best deals in town, where she was currently getting her nails done, which place had the tastiest food, send each other pictures about our latest clothing acquisitions…We talked about everything but she never told me she was critically ill.  She would tell me about an occasional headache or body pain but never the whole situation.  When I visited her in hospital the first time I had hope that she would be better but a few weeks later after my very last visit even though I’ve never faced death before, I knew that her days were numbered and she would soon be no more.

I cried until I had no more tears left.  I cried because I knew the life she would have wanted for herself but yet she chose otherwise.  I cried because I wish she would have chosen herself because in the end one’s happiness is what matters the most.  I cried because I wished things had been different between us.  I cried because at some point I assumed she was going through depression and I didn’t know how to help her because she never opened up.  I cried because she casually asked me one day what I would do if she died and I calmly replied saying I would attend her funeral.  I cried because somehow I think she knew she was going to die soon but probably couldn’t say so.

My sister probably died from a broken heart.  The doctors might say otherwise but a part of me knows all she ever truly wanted was to love and be loved.

I hope the sun shines wherever you are; you went through so much pain during your last days on earth.  I wish you healing and peace dear sister and may your soul rest in eternal peace.

©MaKupsy 2019

Is Junk Food The Way To Go?

We can’t live without food, it’s one of our basic needs.  However, what are we actually putting into our bodies is the biggest question of them all.  If you are anything like me, you think before making a decision on eating any and everything, not because of calorie counting on my part but because I genuinely think of the nutritious benefits.  Being the fitness enthusiast that I am sometimes I must admit I can be a little bit judgmental.  Let me tell you about an incident that happened over the weekend…

8dd6b1e2d5e6b7a9ff9c33fe9f372865.jpg

Image from Pinterest

I make a trip to Marondera every other week.  I make sure I am on the first mini bus out of town so I usually get at to the bus station just before 8am.(I NEED a car public transport is killing my vibe!)  On this particular day a woman who had a little boy who looked like he was about 3 years old sat next to me.  I assumed the woman was probably the little boy’s grandmother.  I love having breakfast but I had no time to prepare it that morning so I opted to buy some fruit to cure my hunger pains.  My neighbours were ready to eat as well and they had with them a huge cream doughnut, a can of a fizzy drink of sort and a bunch of bananas.

The woman fed the little boy at least 3/4 of that doughnut then he downed the fizzy drink.  She called out to one of the boys who were selling food stuff and bought a packet of crisps.  The whole time I was completely in shock.  I mean, this wasn’t even 8am and this little growing boy is being fed all this junk food, mind you we hadn’t even left for Marondera yet.  We eventually took off and during the entire 45 minute ride the little boy was being fed one bad food after another until they dropped off along the way.

This is a trend I have observed over the years.  Whenever people are traveling with their children most make sure they have some junk food of sort to give them during the trip.  Even when you go to church you notice some mothers taking out little treats during the church service and you ask yourself why they didn’t prepare a meal for their children before coming to church?  We all get hungry, no doubt about that, but why not opt to give your child something that contains vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, protein and fat?  What sort of eating habits are we teaching our children?

I have a 5 year old daughter who loves her food but she knows before we travel she has to sit down and eat because I do not buy treats along the way.  She eats junk food, her super power is pizza!  At the same time she loves a fruit salad and will have that any time of day because she enjoys it that much.  I don’t deny her life’s little pleasure but she will not be eating pizza first thing in the morning!  I’m not trying to encourage unhealthy eating habits because that’s one sure way of having a child with weight issues.  After she has had a decent meal or two I will let her enjoy the occasional ice-cream, biscuits, juice of her choice but it’s not an everyday thing.  I believe when it comes to food there should be a balance of sort.  I would like to believe I have set a good example for my little girl, unfortunately I will not have a say in the food choices she makes when she is all grown up.  However, as long as she is in my care I will do my best to make sure she eats right.

Very-Vanilla-Fruit-Salad_1007x545-1.ashx_.jpeg

Image from Google

Every bite you take is either fighting disease or feeding it.

What are your thoughts on the subject?  Are you the parent who let’s their child eat whatever they like or you are strict when it comes to food options?

©MaKupsy 2019

A Divorcee’s Thoughts On Marriage

I don’t wish divorce on even my worst enemy.  The process of separating not only the couple involved but sometimes the children and family as well.  It leaves a lot of broken trails behind which sometimes can be fixed but other times life is never the same again…

MaKupsy Thoughts on Divorce.jpg

Image from Google

I met up with my friend the other day.  I hadn’t seen him in the longest time.  We always catch up over social media and random phone calls but we decided it was time to meet up over a lunch date.

We talked about almost everything from the horrible weather we are currently experiencing.  The heat is unbearable I kid you not!  Just the other day I took three cold baths in one day and that didn’t make things better AT ALL!  We also talked about accommodation and how most property owners have reduced rentals because there is no money in the market and things are tough for most people.

My friend is a divorcee and he has two children so obviously our conversations always venture to children because we both experience the ups and downs of parenting.  He asked me if I will want to have more kids in the future and if you read my blog you already know the answer to this.  I don’t know why but each time people have random conversations the topic of relationships always comes up.  He told me that  he has been getting all sorts of advice as to the type of woman he should marry.

  1. Marry a woman who has never had children.
  2. A woman who has never been married before.
  3. A woman who has one or two children.
  4. A woman who no longer wants to have kids.

He said most people generally said that he should marry someone with a child(ren) because they have been the trials and tribulations of a failed relationship so they will be more likely to stay committed to the marriage.

Do you know what we both agreed after he told me the suggestions.  What matters in the end is that whoever you choose to be with makes you happy.  At the end of the day that is all that matters.  I’ve realised that we miss out on the greatest love stories because we are busy looking for specific characteristics in a person when the right person for you could be right in front of your eyes.   One too many times you limit yourself, for example; “The person has to go to a particular church, work a certain job, drive a certain car, stay in a certain part of town, have number of children, a virgin…the list is endless.”  But amidst all this we forget to ask ourselves if this person brings out the best in us.  Think about it…

That said, the lunch date went well and it was good to see him after such a long time.  I kept pestering him to tell me about his girlfriend with no luck, I guess he will always be evasive about that area of his life and that is fine, it’s something I have come to accept as a part of him.

P.S. He also follows my blog religiously and thinks I have gone and outdid myself and that I should continue blogging.  What a way to make my day 🙂

So…what are your thoughts on the subject?  Once someone gets divorced what sort of partner do you think they should pair up with?

©MaKupsy 2019

20 Secrets About Relationships

I’m no dating expert and I’m not ashamed to admit it.  I’ve had more lows than highs in trying out relationships but I still have hope that things will work out with a beautiful ending each time I’m in a relationship.  Below you will find some of the not so secret secrets about relationships I’ve learnt over the past few years and I’m certain you will agree with one or two of them.  Turns out relationships are different but they all follow some universal truths.

4521793ddc921f7dad8ad80fd5077cdb.jpg

Image from Pinterest

  1. The honeymoon phase does fade.  Almost all relationships start out heated like a firework display but eventually you tire of each other and you have to find ways to spice things up in the relationship.
  2. Just because they say they love you, it doesn’t mean they actually mean it.  Strange I know but for some people saying the words is a walk in the park.  What you need to do is watch if their words match their actions.  Then again those too can be deceiving.
  3. You need to learn the art of communication.  You’re two different people with different backgrounds.  It’s important to speak up when you are not happy about something, your partner can not guess what is going on with you.
  4. Your partner had a life before you; at some point the past will come knocking on your door.  If you’re one of the lucky few the past will remain where it belongs and never interfere with your relationship.
  5. Not all relationships are meant to last or get you walking down the aisle and that’s okay.  I believe everyone we meet is meant to teach us something whether it works out or not.
  6. It’s best to wait to have sex until you are married, that way you have no room for comparison.  However, if you’ve already had sex before marriage approach your relationship with a blank sheet of paper.  Take notes and learn what you both like or dislike when it comes to sex.  Just because your former partner liked something it doesn’t automatically mean your current partner will like it too.
  7. You’re going to learn to compromise. It can’t be about you all the time anymore.  Being in a relationship means some days you will go and watch soccer when you would rather be out for lunch with your girls.  It’s about finding balance and doing things to make your partner happy too.
  8. You won’t be able to change the next person.  Change comes from an individual, at their own pace, at their own time.
  9. Not everyone has to know about your relationship, keep it private, it keeps the magic in your relationship going.  Please note that I didn’t say secret.  May you have wisdom to know the difference between a private and a secret relationship.
  10. You too have faults, while you are ranting and raving about your partners faults, remember he is only human and who knows, he is probably complaining about you too.  Make it your mission to be continuously working on yourself to become a better person.
  11. Friends do not always have your best interests at heart.  Make your own decisions on who you want to be with, remember other people might just be jealous of your relationship and looking for ways to sabotage it.  Make it a habit to keep some of your relationship to yourself.  Do your friends really need to know all the amazing things your partner does for you?
  12. There is more to a relationship that earth shaking, mind blowing, orgasmic unforgettable sex.  You have to be able to bring other wholesome things to a relationship.
  13. You are an individual, that means you have a life of your own too.  Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to abandon your life.  When you enter a relationship the idea is to have someone compliment you not complete you because if you make your partner your everything that is where trouble starts.
  14. Moving in together is a bad idea. (talking from first hand experience Then again it has worked out wonderfully for some couples.  I guess there’s no formula for this one.  What are your thoughts on this?
  15. You will have problems along the way, but you have to solve them.  Ending a relationship just because you had a misunderstanding won’t make the actual problems go away.  Chances are even after moving on you will still face the same unresolved issues.
  16. Pay attention to what your partner says.  Too often you are busy falling in love and not paying attention to the little important details.  For example, your partner may tell you they never want to have children and 5 years down the line you try and convince them you want to have children and they tell you no and you think they are being unfair…you my dear, were not paying attention.
  17. Apologise when you are wrong.  It’s the only way to move forward.
  18. Be with someone who makes it clear that you are in a relationship, uncertainty about where you stand with someone just complicates an already complicated life.
  19. Be in a relationship where you make time to call each other, with all this technology Instant Messaging has become the it thing people have forgotten how special hearing the voice of the love of your life over the phone.
  20. Date someone who takes note of the small but important things.  Like meeting you after work for an hour, planning date nights, a walk in the park, any other activity that gives you both quality time to talk and catch up on each others lives in person.

**Bonus Point** STAY AWAY FROM THEIR PHONE. You can read about My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone to see just how this single act can change your life.

Can you relate to any of these?  If yes which ones spoke to you?

©MaKupsy 2019