It Ain’t Where I’ve Been But Where I’m About To Go

I’m a mother.  The father of my child and I separated a few years ago.  I was bitter, heartbroken and mad at the world for the longest time.  I felt like the world owed me something for all the pain I was going through.  It took me a whole 5 years to finally get out of that zone.

One morning I woke up and asked myself, what would happen if something were to happen to the father of my child and I had to look after her on my own?  Would I remain bitter or would I have to gather myself up and show up for my one and only daughter?  I chose the latter.  I stopped sending him never ending text messages wishing him ill, I stopped crying myself to sleep every other night, I stopped complaining about how I hated my job, I stopped speaking negative things into my life and chose to start working on myself one day at a time.  I realised it was time to get my shit in order and the moment I made that decision and started taking action; my life has been full.

This video stirred so many emotions within me.  It brought back flash backs of some of the things I’ve gone through in the past but still came out stronger and wiser.  It will take 17 minutes of your time to watch this but every single minute will be worth it, I promise.

These are some of the lessons I learnt from the video:

  • Success leaves clues, we’re just not picking them up.
  • Go through every toxic behaviour in your life and start unlearning bad habits.
  • My job is to like myself everyday.
  • You can’t take everyone with you on your transformation journey.
  • It takes more than one thing to change your life, it takes EVERYTHING.

I would like to know what lessons you learnt from watching this video?  Please share this post with as many people as you can, it will change a life.

©MaKupsy 2018

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20 Reasons Why You Aren’t Getting Laid

Blogging about sex gets me all giddy.  It’s winter this part of the world and personally when my mind isn’t busy with thinking of different ways to make money, blog better, spice up my runs; I’m definitely thinking about sex.  If you’re getting some most times you don’t have time to think it you just do it.  I asked a few of my readers to share with me some of their reasons why they aren’t getting laid regularly and this is what they had to say.  Please note that my comments are in italics.

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Image from Pinterest

  1. Lack of attraction.  Especially after spending a lot of time with someone and you now know how much of an ass they can be.
  2. Hygiene at bed time.  I don’t know about you but I’m one of those people who are very fussy about this.  I already take a bath before bedtime on my own and if we’re going to be sharing a bed best believe a bath shall take place.  All that sweat from the entire day can’t be rubbing against me; mind you washing and ironing linen is NOT a fun activity.
  3. Love language.  Every marriage or relationship has a love language or rhythm.  There’s a spark that’s ignited when you do something that gets you turned on by your partner.  Example; some women (me) get turned on by being given money or random acts of kindness.  My pussy gets wet for days!
  4. Children.  Once you have kids say goodbye to sex with loud vocals.  You have to master the art of quiet sex and sometimes that’s the last thing you want to do.  Having kids also comes with them randomly barging into your bedroom so you always have to make sure your room is locked up, sigh...
  5. Mood.  Sadly for most women you are either in or not in the mood for sex and this works against men.
  6. Stress.  For the most part the more problems you have the less likely you want to have sex.
  7. Weather.  I agree with this one 100%.  Sex when it’s hot isn’t the best of experiences, sex in winter though? AMAZING!  But chances of taking off my clothes off are close to none, dude will have to insert his penis through a hole in my tights or something.
  8. Distance.  My partner lives far away so getting sex regularly isn’t an actual thing.
  9. There’s no one readily available.  I don’t know about you but this makes sex sound like a meal, which it probably is hey?
  10. Fatigue.  I think it’s worse when the one person is pulling in all the weight.  Imagine a situation in Zimbabwe were only one person is the bread winner and they still have to get home and cook, clean, take care of kids; the last thing on their mind is sex.
  11. Boredom.  Newsflash!  Sex does get boring especially if you don’t spice things up.  It’s not encouraged to change partners because of it but perhaps imagining someone else might help?  Then again life is short to be having boring sex… 
  12. Different schedules.  Everyone is busy with life, sometimes one person is working day time the other one on nights and you hardly get to see each other so that works against you.
  13. There’s no one to have sex with.  Believe it or not but it’s not that you can’t get laid but the options that present themselves are just not what you would want to be getting freaky with.  Can’t be accepting every dick thrown at you.
  14. My period.  Period sex is a thing!  That’s the time when most women are horniest, just know that it will be messy, try it at your own risk.
  15. Sometimes you are just tired at the end of a long day and you want to rest. Once I sleep I’m out cold.  No chance of midnight strokes here…
  16. Lack of base (Zimbabwean slang for a place to have sex)).  Living situations make things very complicated.  Sometimes you are staying with your parents and your partner stays with perhaps her sister and husband.  You might never get laid at all but if you have friends with their own places you might get lucky.
  17. I’m avoiding the question what are we.  This sounds to me like a person who wants no strings attached relations, which is perfectly fine, it boils down to preference.
  18. Being with one partner for a long time.  You now know all their moves, too much of the same thing and with zero creativity sex included is certainly not good for you.
  19. Strained relationships.  Sex generally feels really good when you and your partner are getting along. 
  20. Technology.  We spend way too much time on our gadgets we rarely ever have time to even talk to each other.  If someone isn’t on their phone, they’re watching something on TV or doing anything but taking time to speak to their partner.  That right there kills all the fun.

I think one of the top reasons most people aren’t getting laid is because of body odour and bad breath.  My suggestion?  If you’re sharing a bed with someone methinks the first thing you should do when you wake up is go and brush your teeth and wash your face.  Studies have shown that people have broken up over bad breath, for real for real.

From my findings a lot of people mentioned stress as a barrier to sex.  What are you doing to help manage your stress?

©MaKupsy 2018

I Love You, And It’s Killing Me

You are everything they said I should not find in a woman. But I am everything they want to see in a man because of you. Child rebel monster, it seems like all my life I have been preparing myself to love you. While at the same time taking just enough to paint you with a slightly begrimed color of love. Yet you low key have been seeing me from a boy to a man.

You are older they said. By quite a lot and this bit is nothing but true. It bothered me at first but not you. “What’s the worst that could happen if we gave it a shot?” you asked. We have a shelf life we agreed, and it was to be fun and games until we both fell hard. And I fell even harder. Into an abyss of love, I fell, mind my corny nature on this but trust me it would have been worse had I settled on penning an ode to unexpected love. My deadbeat uncle is quick to gossip about you like that other lady from church I told you about. Surely I cannot take the advice of one who fails to feed his own son. If he had a woman like you he probably would not be the filth that he is. I am not letting go of you because I do not want to become what he is.

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Image from Pinterest

I hate everything to do with your past life. Simply because you are flawless and it is hard to get over the fact that I am the beast in this relationship. You are the beauty in it. But a scar from your past makes many doubt your ability to love and care. But I know you better than many, your forgiving nature is apparent; like that wart under your nose. You once told me you married a man you had no business marrying, and I feel the pain because I cannot be to your kids what he is to them. Something is wrong with her they say, she couldn’t hold her marriage together. Like that makes it reason enough to stop loving you. But I know something is wrongwith all of us who fall in love with you, because a countless number of times we hurt you but you still rise from the ashes a bigger man. Cursing us but loving us still. Scars.

You need your own is what many say to me. There is no pride in the seed that grew from “your” field I am advised. But I grew up under the tutelage of a single mother, who withheld her craving for attention and I watched her suffer in silence as she supposedly did what was best for both her love interests and me. Your kids are a beautiful part of you that makes me love you even more. But to some around me they are a weapon to dislodge me from you. I hate to love when your kids call me dad. Because it reminds me of that other person, but also accentuates your regard of my importance in your existence.

She comes from those other people. The filthy people, like we are any cleaner. My family’s hate for Shona people is beyond me. Given that our ancestry points out that we are one half Shona ourselves. Selfish much are those close to me. Wanting what is right for themselves so much so not to realize that their wishes could cost me you. And you happen to be what is good for me. Moreover, you are what is good for them. I wish they knew how many of the meals they have enjoyed were funded by your kindness. If they found out how much you do for them, will they then spew their guts out because they have been fed by the enemy?

love hurts MaKupsy

Image from Pinterest

 

My best friend called you crazy. He felt that your confession of undying love was an indicator of your schizophrenic nature and I had no business dealing with a crazy lady. But he never thought I would go on to cry come back baby. So damaged I am I could not stand being loved truly and honestly. I shared with him the messages I had no business showing to another soul. And compromised our fortress of trust. I allowed a Trojan horse into our troy of love. And gave one person the power to look into your eyes smiling while in his heart taking you for a fool.

No man is an island. But I would love to be trapped in an island with you. I am difficult to love. But you have made it an easy job because that is how amazing you are. I appreciate women better because of you, and respect beyond what society dictates. I have been told I deserve better. I have been convinced I am worth more. None of these have ever considered I am what I what I am because you have helped elevate me. You are all they said I should not find, but none of them told me I would find love in you.

This piece was penned down by a writer who wishes to remain anonymous.

Have you experienced a love like this before?  If yes, in as much as you were told that someone wasn’t good for you what lengths did you take to stay together?  If no, how far are you willing to go for love?

©MaKupsy 2018

Acrimony, Movie Review

I finally watched Acrimony a movie produced, written and directed by Tyler Perry.  If  you haven’t watched it yet I suggest you stop reading now because there will be spoilers along the way.  Acrimony means bitterness or ill feeling.  The movie touches on issues I believe almost everyone has experienced in their life.  You have felt jealousy, anger, unforgiveness, you have been heartbroken and it has taken over your entire life at some point.  This movie brought flash backs of a time I was an angry black woman and never again will I allow a relationship to bring out the worst in me.

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Image from Google

The element that won me over during the movie was when Melinda was narrating life with her husband Robert.  The part where she walked to the bathroom, looked into the mirror, washed her face, wiped it and they both went from young and energetic to 20 years older and Melinda more miserable than ever.  That was a great way to transition  the times.

Robert pissed the heck out of me the first parts of the movie.  He was working tirelessly on his battery idea for 20 whole years while his wife worked not one but two jobs.  I mean, this guy could surely have looked for part time work of sort to help out Melinda with the bills and upkeep but he didn’t.  What made me even more upset was that he kept approaching the same organisation with his idea, surely there are plenty of other options, it’s 2018 for crying out loud!

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Image from Google

The movie had great picture quality; Tyler Perry movies are almost always like this.  However, parts of the movie had background elements that looked like it was shot in a studio.  A great example is when Melinda and Robert go for a walk after her accident.  I promise they could have done a better job by actually going outside instead of shooting that scene from who knows where.  It looked so unreal.

The sound track was honestly making me feel sad and depressed.  I suppose it helped to illustrate just how Melinda was feeling.  I’m not sure if that’s what he was aiming for but it worked.  I had to search for the movie playlist on YouTube and the artist is Nina Simone, I’m currently listening to some of her tracks while I type this.

The acting by Melinda (Taraji P. Henson) was fantastic, then again I’m biased towards her.  I still call her “Cookie” her character from the series Empire.  That’s the sort of impact she has on me.  She played her role perfectly and managed to portray the image of a bitter ex to the tee.

The costumes were a yawn fest.  Nothing out of the ordinary there.  Whoever was doing the wardrobe was probably uninspired or working with a budget.  I couldn’t steal a single idea for any look whatsoever. How disappointing.

I thought the movie was pretty okay until the end; the ending was horrible.  The set for the boat scene a complete disaster.  I’m assuming they shot it at a swimming pool because that’s what their budget afforded.  Surely in this day and age there’s a way to work around this to make things more believable.  The part that got me in stitches was when Melinda emerged from the water after being pushed over…she was back on the boat with the wedding gown she was wearing as dry as a bone and her hair still intact, didn’t she just get out of a whole ocean or sea or lake???  Oh wait, we agreed it’s a swimming pool from the looks of things.

Tyler Perry had an opportunity to dig deep into mental health issues but it only ended at; “Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?”.  I had hoped he would shed more light on the subject.  Mental health is already a subject that’s hushed about in the black community and he could have done a world of difference but chose to just mention it in passing.  I’ve gone through phases of mental health issues myself (Depression In Pregnancy , My Battle With Suicidal Thoughts) I know how society makes light of the subject, I was completely let down by watching the topic swept under the carpet.  Melinda had a mental illness that went untreated and it’s a damn shame that she died in the end and never got any help.

To wrap it up, I’d say watch this movie in the comfort of your home.  Don’t worry yourself by going to watch it from the big screen because on a scale of 0-10 I rate it at 6.  At least if you don’t like it enough you can press stop and watch something else.  Tyler Perry wrote, directed and produced this movie, that’s a very big deal.  In my opinion input from other writers for his script this would have made Acrimony a 10 outta 10 movie.

©MaKupsy 2018

 

 

 

My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone

Unfortunately for me I learnt the hard way, snooping through your partners’ is never a good idea.  For the couples who respect each other’s space, congratulations to you guys, you are doing this relationship thing right.snooping through his phone MaKupsy

A quick poll before we get started.

 

I have never been one of those people who want to poke my nose in other people’s business but once you start dating a guy who leaves you wondering where you stand with him or what he has been up to believe me the curiosity will kick in and you will go through his phone like its nothing!  It becomes a very destructive and addictive habit though so if you decide to go that path be prepared to never have peace.

I have had some pretty heart wrenching encounters in the past and that just taught me a lesson (for that day only) to stay away from your partner’s phone.  For those who have always wanted to go through his phone and wondered when best to do it;

  • try when he is dead drunk,
  • when he is asleep or
  • the few seconds that he dashes to the loo.

Please be warned that you should do this at your own risk as you might not be able to deal with whatever you find in his phone.

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Image from Google

I will list a few messages I bumped into in the past, I remember word for word for some of them but for others I have a rough idea what they read.  I will also include who had sent the messages; here goes:

  • I am not in love with her.  I am only staying with her because I feel sorry for her.  I want to be with you and I am going to do everything that I can to make that happen. (my then boyfriend)
  • How was the evening with the girl you hooked up with from church, did you tap that ass? (my then boyfriend’s close cousin)
  • You shouldn’t marry her.  If you marry her you will be making the biggest mistake of your life.  You ex was a better fit for you and if you let her go you will be doomed. (my then boyfriend’s best friend) 
  • Send me some of your nude photos. (my then boyfriend)
  • Please send me airtime, I am low on credit. (my then best friend asking my boyfriend without my knowledge)
  • She is so fat I don’t even know why I am dating her, you know I like slim women. (my then boyfriend)

I can only remember the very juicy messages and the ones that really got to me the rest were really nothing to go on about.  What did this experience teach me?

  1. Not everyone who smiles at you actually likes you.  Take that then boyfriend’s best friend for example.  This guy used to come to our place and I would cook lunch, supper, breakfast, you name it just to make sure he was comfortable and yet his ass didn’t even like me!  What a fucking asshole!  Once I knew that’s how he felt about me I ended those privileges, what a prick!
  2. Even your so called best friend can get up to something behind your back.  I couldn’t help but wonder what else she used to ask for…
  3. Do not date anyone who bashes your self esteem, yes, I used to be fat, but you pursued me knowing I was fat, at what point did you realise that I was actually not your type?
  4. His friends are not your friends.  Do not be fooled!

These random experiences made me promise myself that I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH SOMEONE’S PHONE.  You will die an emotional death after you discover things you were not prepared to deal with.  To make things worse you can not exactly ask about the messages because you would have breached someone’s privacy.  You have no right to be going through a phone that does not belong to you.  At the same time it helps you see where you stand with someone but it really isn’t advisable to do that.  I would say talk things through if you feel there is something that is bothering you.  And even if you do decide to continue going through your partner’s phone and they do find out that’s what you get up to, trust me they will find ways to hide things from you and you will never find a single grain of evidence.  Bottom line is, if your partner is cheating the truth always has a way of revealing itself…just sit tight and relax.

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Image from Google

The amusing thing about going through your partner’s phone is if you find out something that hurts you the first thing you tell yourself is that you are going to break up with them and leave.  Sadly, most people stay and complain and bore us to death about how their partner is cheating…As for me, I stuck around for a while(that puts me in the boring department) but eventually things got from bad to worse, hearts were broken, words were said, trust went flying out the window but yes, that is life, we get to experience all sorts of things before we decide to make changes.  And that’s how I ended up deciding I won’t ever go through my partners phone because nothing good has ever come of it.  Ideally it would be nice to go through your partner’s phone and find out they are planning a surprise party or a getaway weekend but how often does that happen???

I would like to find out from you if you have gone through the Private Investigation phase of wanting to know who your partner has been talking to.  If yes, what did you find and how did you deal with it?

©MaKupsy 2018

Throw Back Thursday

Throw Back Thursday, way back in 2011 I was pregnant and expecting my one and only child.  A lot of changes happened throughout the 9 months and these are some of the highlights.

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MaKupsy 2011

  • The morning sickness was from the devil himself! I had it for three straight months. I could not keep anything down and had to survive on water only.
  • I could not stand the smell of uncooked beef, heated oil, milk and eggs.
  • I could not stomach any form of fast food.
  • I used to sleep like there was no tomorrow. My lunch break at work was dedicated to making a makeshift bed under my desk and sleeping my hour away. Thankfully I had my own office back then.  The moment I got home after work I would bath and jump into bed. Imagine going to sleep at 6pm and waking up the next day at 6am, utter madness if you ask me.
  • Fruits were my best friend once the morning sickness wore off. The fruits in season at the time were masau and I would sit and eat a whole bowl of them by myself. Any other fruits were still welcome;  cucumbers were my favourite, I love loved them!
  • My then best friend ended up calling my baby bump lemon because I enjoyed eating lemons with salt. I would nicely peel them, put them in a plate, sprinkle lots of salt and enjoy.
  • I used to cry for no reason. The slightest thing would get me all worked up.  Pregnancy hormones are real.
  • I was crazy about sex; I could never get enough of it. My libido was at its highest. The father of my child used to complain. You would think he would be happy right?  I oversexed him I suppose…
  • I already am a neat freak but when my second trimester hit, the rate went on overdrive. I could not stop cleaning. I would wake up at 6am, clean the house, do the laundry, cook and bath and each time I thought of something that needed to be done I would get up and do it.
  • I used to bath not once but three times a day. I always left the house looking like I was going for a special occasion.  The number of men who hit on me was worrisome.
  • I loved long walks; I could not get myself to sit still.
  • The visits to the gynecologist were the most uncomfortable ones. For some reason I used to think he would ask me to open my legs and take a look at my vagina!  The other reason they were never something to look forward to was because for all the 9 months I went to there on my own and I watched other women with their partners, the father of my child had no interest and used to tell me he had a doctors rooms phobia.
  • My skin was flawless; I had absolutely no pimple in sight, or blemish or blackhead, nothing at all.
  • I terribly missed sleeping on my tummy after my first trimester. You have no idea how precious it is to lie on your tummy until you are pregnant.
  • The number of guys who attempted to ask me out for a date when I was pregnant was insane. I think some men just have a fetish for pregnant women. Either way I found it quite amusing.  My oldest sister used to complain saying “Can’t they see you’re pregnant?”
  • I read a lot on pregnancy, books, magazines, online articles you name it, I read it!
  • I listened to a lot of music when I was pregnant, and when I did so I could feel my baby move, I guess it was her way of saying she was enjoying the sounds.
  • I talked to my unborn baby from the second trimester till the day I gave birth. I read it in some magazine that it was good for the baby.
  • I have always prayed but when I was pregnant I prayed the most and the hardest. I asked God to bless me with a healthy baby and He did.

What are your Throw Back Thursday moments?  Do you have memories that you still cherish from way back when?  Let’s share and get nostalgic together.

©MaKupsy 2018

To Give Or Not To Give Your Girlfriend A Monthly Allowance?

Girlfriend  Giving Directions To Her Boyfriend

“Come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me off.  Look for flat 9A, you’ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.  Get out of the lift, you’ll find my flat on the left.  Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW and I’ll get the door for you.”

Boyfriend says: That seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend: “OMG! Are you coming empty handed?”

Boyfriend: (speechless)

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I thought this was hilarious because some men are famous for visiting their girlfriends with just dick and hairy balls, like can we throw those in a pan and fry them for supper?  Women are not saying buy them something everyday but why not think outside the box for a change and surprise a lady with something she likes??

One of my contacts sent me that joke on WhatsApp last night and it gave me an idea to blog about this morning.  Let’s talk about Bae Allowance shall we?

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Photo Credit Theo & Essy

Bae Allowance – Money a guy gives his girlfriend at the end of each month for her random needs.

Let me first give you my thoughts on the subject matter.  This might end up being a lengthy blog but I promise you will enjoy it.  Let me tell you a bit about my very first boyfriend.  That guy treated me like a little princess.  He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special event, good or bad moment.  We were through it all through thick and thin.  The whole 5 years that we dated I never asked for a single dime of his money.  He just did things because he wanted to and not because I had to beg and plead for him to do so.  Maybe because back then I was younger and had less problems but I believe even if we had stayed together he was still going to be that guy who takes care of his woman without her throwing tantrums about it.  After dating other people after him I can safely say that people are different and just because he went above and beyond for me doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same.

For that reason I have since learnt to accept that one should always live within their means and not expect the next person to cater to their every single need.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your man should not spoil you but you don’t have to convince him to do so, he has to do so on his own accord.  Guys already know that a woman needs to be pampered every now and again and so if he isn’t doing it for you it’s either he doesn’t want to or he is just not that into you (JUST KIDDING).  I for one would not want a fixed monthly allowance though, that’s just tacky because if the tables were turned trust me I would not be paying anyone an allowance for being a part of my life.  I have a daughter on my  payroll as it is, I don’t think I can make anymore additions to that!

I asked a few friends; both male and female about their thoughts on Bae Allowance and these were their thoughts:

The ladies said:

  • I think if it’s a serious relationship it’s not meant to be an obligation; both are meant to help each other out.  In a case were both work rather do  things for each other than give each other money otherwise it will seem like it’s all about money.
  • l feel most guys should give their girlfriends bae allowance.  That way  you avoid having to constantly say “Baby my hair is a mess l need money, baby my nails what not.  Just give her the monthly allowance so that you don’t stress each other out every other week.  IT’S NOT A MUST THOUGH.

The guys said:

  • There should not be a fixed mandatory Bae Allowance in a relationship.  It is of paramount importance that an individual be self sufficient that way I can chip in here and there.  It’s important to take care of your partner (what you don’t do for her, she will find someone else who can) but it should not be made out into a big deal when I can’t do it all the time.
  • If you’re my girlfriend don’t ask me for anything that costs $5 or less because what were you doing for money before we started dating? Now you suddenly want my money.  I should feel like spending on you willingly.  I’m not a bank and understand that when I say I don’t have money most of the time I genuinely don’t have because money is hard to come by.  I will spend on her but allowance I don’t do… It’s like I’m paying you to be my girlfriend!

There you have it.  Both sexes have voiced out their opinions.

As an addition I just had to say this.  Fine, I know I am not for a woman actually getting to be on her boyfriends payroll but some of these guys are cheap skates.  If you actually don’t even ask him to buy you anything he will actually continue to do so and not see anything wrong with that.  Let me ask the guys a question.  How are you going to date your girlfriend for a whole year and not once surprise her with a set of sexy lingerie?  So you are an expert at taking off her clothes but not buying her anything to add sexiness to her lingerie collection??  Also, why do some guys just want to take women out for drinks when the same amount can be used for a proper lunch, dinner or better still coffee date?  Okay fine, that is completely off topic now.

This is the part I say goodbye.

My friends from the Podcast world got excited about this topic and touched on the subject.  You can listen in from here.

©MaKupsy 2018

Why Women Cheat

Women cheat, it’s just that they don’t go on talking about it the same way guys do. Some of the information may surprise you, some will enlighten you, you may roll your eyes and judge but that’s the situation on the ground.   Life happens and at some point some women have cheated or think about cheating.  I suppose not everyone was cut out to be “Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes.”  A few women share their stories below:

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Image from Google

Escape from reality

Yes I have cheated because I met someone who excited me more than my partner did. Someone who made me feel alive at the time. Usually it’s fun yes but it mostly ends badly. Fact is that the guy you cheated with was never a serious thing. He was a whirlwind romance, an escape really. Sometimes the one you cheat with probably has someone in his life and he is also cheating. However there are the rare ones who are single and will actually try making things work out in that cheating scenario. Best cases are the relationships that may come out of cheating.

Forbidden fruit

I have cheated. I cheated because I was selfish and my needs were not being met and it was frustrating, got an escape, all the attention from the guy I was cheating with.  It was not everything, obviously the fun was that it was stolen wares they sell twice as dear. He called every morning, kept tabs on me, made me feel special but I never wanted to leave my guy, even though my cheating partner was okaish, It was just that a little fling to keep me sane. I eventually couldnt keep up, I loved my guy but my needs were not being met, and I knew we had to talk. The best things in life are not free, they are forbidden. the guilt, the adrenaline of cheating OMG.  I loved/love my boyfriend with all my heart and he may kill me if he knew he may be very disappointed, but ndakanakirwa hangu(I had a good time) please!!!  The other guy’s flaws made me realise my own boyfriends good side, I learnt that my guy loves me maturely and respectfully, he is human and honest, he is not going out of his way to impress me all the time but he loves me, I gave him the most breathtaking kiss ever the next time I was with him he asked what that was for, I lied…To be honest, all that kiss was saying was, I am sorry I had strayed I love you. For the record, I left the guy I was cheating with because I couldn’t give him my all. It was superficial, I had to be real with myself.  On the flip side, I learnt to communicate better with my guy, and understand him as well. Once we were in sync, paradise was peaceful again.  And you know what? I would never have known if I hadn’t cheated, maybe, who knows?

Intellectually Stimulating

Personally, I like an intellectually challenging man, but once I feel like you’re unable to stimulate my mind, or failing to keep up, I side track.  I’m attracted to men’s minds before physical appearance and all.  That was one reason I cheated once.  The other reason I think some women cheat is that you get bored of the same person.  It’s not so much the routine that you get bored of but when you know someone in and out you can predict things like reactions.  Those things then annoy you and you end up wanting a “change of environment” so to speak. Lastly, some women will forever compare their boyfriends to other men no matter what good he does.  It’s the comparing thing that exposes your man’s flaws so much, you tend to start getting attracted to the men you thing have “better” features; more money, are more caring, more attentive, bigger dick…the list is endless.

Pondering

I have thought about it. But I didn’t get to doing it because I felt bad. But it was during those times when he doesn’t give you as much attention as he used to then there’s some guy who’s there giving you all the attention that you’re craving. I think men just get a little too comfortable and stop doing what they used to do. Its the little things that they stop doing that you tend to notice; things like getting you something on his way home or telling you stuff that he used to tell you all the time that they end up taking for granted.

 

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Image from Google

And I am sure you are all wondering if I have cheated before? Well, the answer is yes.  Not that it is something to be proud of but I had my reasons.  My number one problem was that I did not forgive my then boyfriend for cheating on me.  Instead I took him back and pretended all was well while in the meantime I was planning my revenge.  It was both emotional and physical cheating and in my mind I blamed my partner for turning me into this person who wanted to pay an eye for an eye.  I really wanted him to feel the same pain he put me through, the sleepless nights, the broken heart.  Did I regret ever cheating on him? No, not even a single bit, because we were even, he cheated, I cheated so I didn’t have to grin and bear it anymore.  Will I cheat again? NO that is seriously emotionally damaging and I do not plan on going through the lies and the secrets, too draining.

Moral of the story?  Women cheat for all sorts of reasons but thankfully it is not every woman who does.  And guess what, MOST times when women do cheat, they don’t get caught…

©MaKupsy 2018

Don’t Follow Your Heart!

If you ask me, when it comes to love, I don’t learn, AT ALL!  I see things in black and white but I choose to add some colour to spice things up.  I’m beginning to believe I thrive on drama.  Let me tell you something that happened to me many moons ago; I look back now and simply shake my head but when it happened my poor heart was going through a lot of pain.

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Image from Google

You already know the narrative, boy meets girl, both fall helplessly in love and start dating.  The universe always chooses to play a joke on me and has the “love of my life” move out of the country and I’m left behind with a whole sack full of feelings.  However, this time around there seemed to be hope.  Thanks to technology we were in constant communication and even had the same Display Picture on WhatsApp.  Stuff like that makes me feel all shades of mushy inside.  I like whoever is dating me to show me off, I love it!

There was only one problem.  My current flame still had pictures of his ex on his Facebook profile.  Initially I pretended that it didn’t bother me but eventually I communicated that I wasn’t comfortable with having to see her on his profile, he could hide his albums no problem but having them in my face felt offensive.  How I always end up with partners who still have ex issues beats me?

The flame told me that his ex was going to be in the country for some work related thing and she might pass through to see him.  It was at that point that all hell broke loose.  In my head I thought  why in the world would your ex travel halfway across the continent to probably see you at some point.  Why are you still talking to your ex, why are you even telling me about this??!!!  I felt so much confusion I couldn’t focus on anything for days to come.  After telling my friend what was going on she sent me a message and said, “I told you that woman was never an ex she has always been there it was just the distance that had separated them.” 

I asked him what was going on and I was told that she was still his friend and I was being crazy.  I recall him telling me I was being dramatic.  Me, dramatic for saying what I was seeing with my own eyes!  I was drinking on a Monday after work or any given day actually.  You see, alcohol is my coping mechanism.  I was sending voice notes and never ending messages to my flame asking why he chose to pursue me if he knew he still had unfinished business with his ex.  I was listening to all our favourite songs and crying buckets, I had headaches every single morning.  I was a hot mess!

After a few weeks I told myself I was going to delete his number, all our music playlists and all our photographs together and let go.  I said my peace and walked away from the most intense emotional place I had ever found myself in.  I loved him so much but I wasn’t going to risk getting a broken heart over someone who obviously lied to me from the get go.

Months later I went to check his Facebook account.  The so called “ex” was there alright, he went on to get a tattoo with her name…  Sigh.

I need to do better.  I need to be better.  I don’t want the kind of love that sets my soul on fire.  I’ve been in that kind of love, it does nothing but bring me pain and disappointment.  I want a love that is calm, certain and doesn’t give me sleepless nights.  I know things will not always be perfect but for the most part the relationship should maintain my sanity!  Anyone can tell you that they love you, they’re just three little words after all; what matters is what they want to do about this love they claim to have for you.  The plan is to write a beautiful love story in 2018 despite all the disasters I’ve been through in the past, it will happen, when the time is right, this much I know.

I have more love gone wrong blog posts for you to enjoy, at this rate I may as well move around with a gown to showcase my Masters In Failed Relationships;

How To Lose A Great Guy

Butterfly

The Rebound Guy

Catching Feelings

What are some of the things you have done in the name of love?  I can’t be the only one doing relationships wrong, let’s talk about this and have a good laugh at ourselves.

©MaKupsy 2018

Lie To Me

Men and women lie.  Lying is not reserved for men only, both sexes put in the work when it comes to this not so clever form of communication.  People lie for different reasons; SoProfound states that lying is necessary to keep emotions balanced, needs met, wants satisfied and happiness guaranteed.  I was on radio last night and we touched on this subject and turns out I still have more to say on the subject!

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SoPround, Kuda Nyemba, Simba Sox and MaKupsy

Every woman wants a good life, show me one who says otherwise and I’ll show you a liar!  Financial security is one of the top priorities for most women and from what I’ve gathered men have figured this out and take advantage of it.  Some of these men will build castles in the air and you will fall for it.  The few lucky women find out it was just a farce months into deciding to date someone others are unfortunate and find out the truth when they are pregnant and have nowhere else to go.  Goodbye fancy dates hello reality which includes borrowing from friends to keep up appearances.

I’m pregnant…

If you’re a sexually active man I’m absolutely positive you have received this message a couple of times and you probably went into extreme panic mode.  Some women can be a handful but there’s a reason.  We want to “see” where the relationship is going in a very twisted and immature way.  We think that your reaction to our “pregnancy” will give us an idea of how you feel about us.  It will be unheard of if you even utter the words abortion!  Then again if you suggest it chances of you sending through money are highly likely and the money can be put to better use seeing you would have chosen to be a prick; in our eyes anyway.  Not all I’m pregnant messages are true, it’s just a little lie to get you feeling miserable for the fun of it.

Everyone is single depending on who’s asking.  A man or woman can be in a relationship but the moment a potential candidate presents themselves their relationship status goes out the window.  Our generation has become quite a greedy lot.  We don’t seem to be content with one partner, we want not one but as many options as possible to fulfill different areas of our lives.  I blame social media, too many options are just a click away.  If you aren’t happy you easily turn your attention elsewhere and therein lies the problem. People have paired themselves up with married people who have hidden whole spouses and social media has been thriving on these stories.  If a person can lie to you about an entire family imagine what else they can lie to you about?

I think there’s a lot of lying in relationships because most people don’t know how to communicate and think that telling a lie will manage whatever expectations that would have presented themselves.  Everyone has accepted lies at some point in their life because of how the lie probably made them feel.  A great example is a man telling you he loves you and chose you because you bring him so much happiness meanwhile he is in a relationship with someone else.  Deep down you know he’s lying but those words just leave you feeling so good you can’t help yourself.

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We were on the show for a good 2 hours that flew by so fast and that confirmed just how much fun we were having.  Thoughts from the guests on the topic that caught my attention were:

Women love being lied to! Sox

Men lie out of love.  Kuda

Men lie, women lie but the one thing I know for a fact is that liars forget and can’t keep a straight story.  One way or the other the truth will come out so if you want to have a stress free life I’d suggest you keep your life as straight and narrow as you possibly can, at least for the most part.

What have your experiences with lies been?  What’s the biggest lie that you have ever told?  Do you think it’s okay or not to tell lies?

©MaKupsy 2018