I’m no dating expert and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’ve had more lows than highs in trying out relationships but I still have hope that things will work out with a beautiful ending each time I’m in a relationship. Below you will find some of the not so secret secrets about relationships I’ve learnt over the past few years and I’m certain you will agree with one or two of them. Turns out relationships are different but they all follow some universal truths.
- The honeymoon phase does fade. Almost all relationships start out heated like a firework display but eventually you tire of each other and you have to find ways to spice things up in the relationship.
- Just because they say they love you, it doesn’t mean they actually mean it. Strange I know but for some people saying the words is a walk in the park. What you need to do is watch if their words match their actions. Then again those too can be deceiving.
- You need to learn the art of communication. You’re two different people with different backgrounds. It’s important to speak up when you are not happy about something, your partner can not guess what is going on with you.
- Your partner had a life before you; at some point the past will come knocking on your door. If you’re one of the lucky few the past will remain where it belongs and never interfere with your relationship.
- Not all relationships are meant to last or get you walking down the aisle and that’s okay. I believe everyone we meet is meant to teach us something whether it works out or not.
- It’s best to wait to have sex until you are married, that way you have no room for comparison. However, if you’ve already had sex before marriage approach your relationship with a blank sheet of paper. Take notes and learn what you both like or dislike when it comes to sex. Just because your former partner liked something it doesn’t automatically mean your current partner will like it too.
- You’re going to learn to compromise. It can’t be about you all the time anymore. Being in a relationship means some days you will go and watch soccer when you would rather be out for lunch with your girls. It’s about finding balance and doing things to make your partner happy too.
- You won’t be able to change the next person. Change comes from an individual, at their own pace, at their own time.
- Not everyone has to know about your relationship, keep it private, it keeps the magic in your relationship going. Please note that I didn’t say secret. May you have wisdom to know the difference between a private and a secret relationship.
- You too have faults, while you are ranting and raving about your partners faults, remember he is only human and who knows, he is probably complaining about you too. Make it your mission to be continuously working on yourself to become a better person.
- Friends do not always have your best interests at heart. Make your own decisions on who you want to be with, remember other people might just be jealous of your relationship and looking for ways to sabotage it. Make it a habit to keep some of your relationship to yourself. Do your friends really need to know all the amazing things your partner does for you?
- There is more to a relationship that earth shaking, mind blowing, orgasmic unforgettable sex. You have to be able to bring other wholesome things to a relationship.
- You are an individual, that means you have a life of your own too. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to abandon your life. When you enter a relationship the idea is to have someone compliment you not complete you because if you make your partner your everything that is where trouble starts.
- Moving in together is a bad idea. (talking from first hand experience) Then again it has worked out wonderfully for some couples. I guess there’s no formula for this one. What are your thoughts on this?
- You will have problems along the way, but you have to solve them. Ending a relationship just because you had a misunderstanding won’t make the actual problems go away. Chances are even after moving on you will still face the same unresolved issues.
- Pay attention to what your partner says. Too often you are busy falling in love and not paying attention to the little important details. For example, your partner may tell you they never want to have children and 5 years down the line you try and convince them you want to have children and they tell you no and you think they are being unfair…you my dear, were not paying attention.
- Apologise when you are wrong. It’s the only way to move forward.
- Be with someone who makes it clear that you are in a relationship, uncertainty about where you stand with someone just complicates an already complicated life.
- Be in a relationship where you make time to call each other, with all this technology Instant Messaging has become the it thing people have forgotten how special hearing the voice of the love of your life over the phone.
- Date someone who takes note of the small but important things. Like meeting you after work for an hour, planning date nights, a walk in the park, any other activity that gives you both quality time to talk and catch up on each others lives in person.
**Bonus Point** STAY AWAY FROM THEIR PHONE. You can read about My Experience With Snooping Through His Phone to see just how this single act can change your life.
Can you relate to any of these? If yes which ones spoke to you?